4r4nd0md4y's Sandbox I

-You just join the channel name
/cs register #channelname ChannelPassword Description"

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lolfoundation origin story hub draft

<thedeadlymoose>:
CYOA sheet http://scp.bz/hB
& draft http://scp.bz/rC

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Table of Contents

You Are Here
Supersized Project Sandbox
Contest Entry Sandbox
Tales Sandbox
Series Sandbox
Third Law sandbox

RED: #FF5050
YELLOW: #FFFF99
GREEN: #99FF99
BLUE: #00FFFF

Nanners

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is stored within an opaque locked box in the Site-42 Biological Materials Freezer. The box may only be opened if three people are within the room at the same time, and SCP-XXXX must be handled by no less than three people at any time.

SCP-XXXX shown during initial procurement

Description: SCP-XXXX is a Cavendish banana cultivar (Musa acuminata) that is almost entirely non-anomalous. The size and shape of SCP-XXXX are consistent with normal standards for a Cavendish banana and it is almost certainly edible. SCP-XXXX has also ripened and begun to rot at a rate considered normal for the Cavendish banana.

Any human being alone in a room with SCP-XXXX will experience an acute stress response that intensifies until the victim suffers cardiac arrest. No memetic, cognitohazardous, or otherwise anomalous effects have been detected; in all cases, the response is simply due to an irrational phobia, similar in its effects to nyctophobia, that is seemingly brought on by being alone in a room with SCP-XXXX. The phobia can be neutralized by breaking line-of-sight with the anomaly or coming within line-of-sight with another live human, though victims often fail to do either as a result of fear-induced paralysis. Live and recorded footage of SCP-XXXX is capable of inducing the effect; pictures are not, although some viewers have reported mild uneasiness when looking at them.

SCP-XXXX was discovered following the death of one ██████████ ████, a forensics accountant and part-time bookmaker, in Boston, Massachusetts. ████ died in his home from cardiac arrest; when his body was discovered, one of the officers investigating for foul play was apparently left alone in the same room as SCP-XXXX, whereupon he observed the banana and suffered from a heart attack, as did his partner and the officer who bagged the foodstuffs for evidence. This suspicious chain of deaths brought SCP-XXXX to the Foundation's attention, whereupon all objects in the house were secured for transport. SCP-XXXX was subsequently identified due to the stress response and death of the D-Class subject testing it for anomalous properties.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

D-26472: Okay, I'm in the - Jesus fuck!

D-26472 recoils and takes a step back.

Dr. Kontos: What? What's wrong?

D-26472: The banana! Fuckin' scared the shit outta me!

Dr. Kontos: The banana?

D-26472: Yes! It's creeping me the fuck out.

Dr. Kontos: …the banana?

D-26472: Yes! The banana is creeping me out, okay? Cut me some slack, fuck. Look at it!

Dr. Kontos: … It's a banana.

D-26472: It's a really creepy banana, okay?!

Dr. Kontos: I see. The banana is most likely anomalous, so please go up to it and examine it.

D-26472: Do I have to?

Dr. Kontos: Yes.

D-26472: Can you get someone else to do it? It's just really… it's really creeping me out, okay. I feel like it's gonna show up behind me or something.

Dr. Kontos: Alright, alright. For the time being then, just describe the banana and your reaction to it.

D-26472: Uh… um, right. Uh, okay. It's a… it's a banana. Looks pretty normal… kind of brown, overripe.

Dr. Kontos: I see. Can you describe your feelings towards the banana?

D-26472: Yeah. It's… it's really, uh, unnerving. Uh, the way I feel about it? Well… uh, you ever heard of this thing called, like, the Bon-Chong ghost¹ or something?

Dr. Kontos: I'm not familiar with it.

D-26472: It's this online webcomic about this Korean ghost, and there's this jumpscare right, where the page autoscrolls down and it's this full-screen jumpscare of the ghost and this really spooky crack sound. Like, the first time I read it I fell out of my chair spooky. And uh, that's kind of the same vibe I'm getting from this banana? Like, it scared the shit out of me at first and it's still kind of weirding me out.

+ Thoughts

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Banana_on_white_background.jpg

truffles> Here’s what I think is better
5:14 PM <truffles> A banana
5:14 PM <truffles> It doesn’t talk
5:14 PM <truffles> It doesn’t kill people
5:14 PM <truffles> It’s just a good source of potassium
5:15 PM <truffles> But the banana has an EFFECT on people. It’s not a meme, it’s not a coghaz - it’s just that when someone is in a room alone with the banana they freak out, thinking it’ll kill them, and die of a cardiac arrest
5:15 PM <truffles> They die of fright
5:15 PM <•Decibelle> too bad i dont eat as many bananas as i used to
5:15 PM <truffles> So someone in the foundation catches wind of this
5:15 PM <truffles> They decide to bring it in
5:15 PM <truffles> Test it on D Class
5:15 PM <truffles> Yep
5:16 PM <truffles> Nobody has survived being in a room alone with the banana
5:16 PM <DiePotato> reminds me of that image i see of an owl being very frightened of a banana
5:16 PM <truffles> But it’s just a damn banana
5:16 PM <•Decibelle> but the banana would rot eventually

•ARD> http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/4r4nd0md4y 2nd tab “nanners” please let me know what you think of it’s current state and where YOU personally would expect it to go. Thank you for your expert eye in advance!
10:45 PM <Hippo> ard: aaaa! that's a pretty good hook i don't know where i would take it I'd have to think tbh (also it feels weird to have my eye called 'expert' >_>) — i think there's a few mild word changes I'd make up until this point but nothing major it's all pretty a++ so far
10:45 PM <Hippo> like:
10:45 PM <Hippo> "The size and shape of SCP-XXXX are consistent with normal standards for a Cavendish banana and it is almost certainly edible."
10:45 PM <Hippo> instead of 'almost certainly edible' i would say 'and it is believed to be edible' or 'it is suspected to be edible'
10:45 PM <Hippo> i like the fact tha tyou're stopping just short of saying 'edible' because of how tha timplies they're all too scared to even try
10:46 PM <•ARD> Mhm. I like “it is almost certainly edible” specifically because of the aforementioned implication
10:46 PM <Hippo> (typically i am against phrases like 'it is suspected to be' but i nthis case it's fine since that's kind of the point)
10:46 PM <•ARD> I might replace “almost certainly” with “most likely”
10:46 PM <Hippo> yeah i think 'almost certainly' just feels too — informal
10:46 PM <•ARD> Yeah
10:46 PM <Hippo> like intentionally comedic
10:47 PM <Hippo> like reading through this — i know you'll immediately get a little bit of grouch over the fact that you're saying it's not cognitohazardous but it clearly is — that being said i think that might be your hook/twist, maybe
10:47 PM <•ARD> I guess my biggest problem with the draft right now is that the log’s trajectory is more predictable than that of an ideal physics problem
10:48 PM <Hippo> in that how could this possibly *not* be a cognitohazard
10:48 PM <•ARD> One of the other ideas I had for the draft was simply that anyone left alone in a room with the banana for long enough would die for a heart attack
10:49 PM <•ARD> There was no specific cause - everyone who died had something else that explained it - but for some reason it always happened while they were alone with the banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> answer: it's not actually anomalous; we are anomalously scared of this one banana?
10:50 PM <Hippo> like i mean there's some reason it's this one banana, but the banana is legitimately non-anomalous?
10:50 PM <Hippo> haha, i do kind of like that, but i don't know where you could take it
10:50 PM <Hippo> like the progression so far is, yeah, kind of predictable, but not in a *bad* way
10:50 PM <Hippo> oh, *hm*
10:50 PM <Hippo> I actually really like that idea too
10:50 PM <Hippo> like no fear or anything, just — people keep dying or suffering horrible fates and all we find is this goddamn banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> it reminds me of that one anomaly someone did — i forget what it was called — it was like, a screw? or a small device? and the only thing it did was trigger anomaly detection devices
10:50 PM <•ARD> I’ll have to take your idea about the cognitohazard thing into consideration because right now the only way to make the log any good is to develop morbid humor through the absurdity of people being scared to death by a banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> like nothing about it could be found that made it anomalous; it just *appeared* anomalous to all diagnostic instruments
10:50 PM <•ARD> Hippo: yeah that’s a Kate classic
10:50 PM <•ARD> I actually dislike it a fair bit lol
10:51 PM <Hippo> like that has a similar theme to this, in that we're left not knowing if we should be fucking terrified or if we should just eat the goddamn banana and go home
10:51 PM <•ARD> Mhm
10:51 PM <•ARD> I ought to play up that aspect some more
10:52 PM <•ARD> The idea that “yeah I KNOW it’s a fucking banana but my monkey brain is telling me to be very afraid”
10:52 PM <Hippo> darn it what was that thing called
10:52 PM <•ARD> SCP-2072
10:52 PM <•jarvis> ard: SCP-2072: Prime Ministerial Pet Cemetery (written 3 years ago by Kate McTiriss; rating: +235) - http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2072
10:52 PM <•ARD> dang not that one
10:52 PM <•ARD> .sea air coupler
10:52 PM <•jarvis> ard: SCP-2472: A Small Metal Air Coupler That Is Apparently Not Anomalous (written 3 years ago by Kate McTiriss; rating: +198) - http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2472
10:53 PM <Hippo> wow, sorry
10:53 PM <Hippo> my connection just went nuts
10:53 PM <Hippo> but yeah — that one
10:54 PM <Hippo> and like i can see why the air coupler falls flat for you (or anyone else) but i think this is a case where you could take that idea (which i think is solid, but is really hard to execute) and take it up a notch, yeah
10:54 PM <•ARD> I’m also a bit nervous about the bong cheon reference
10:54 PM <•ARD> Like my personal frame of mind for the banana is those creepypasta pictures
10:54 PM <•ARD> Like Jeff the killer and stuff
10:55 PM <Hippo> goddammit computer wth
10:55 PM <•ARD> You know it’s fake but in the back of your mind you think “but what if it’s not”
10:55 PM <Hippo> i keep getting 30-60 second lag bursts
10:55 PM <•ARD> Weird
10:55 PM <•ARD> But my concern with the bong cheon reference is arbitrarily dating the article and not in a good way
10:56 PM <•ARD> Like is it even a good reference - am I spending too much time on it
10:56 PM <Hippo> I think you're spending maybe too much time on it, but i don't think it's a bad reference
10:56 PM <Hippo> like I'd take out the footnote and have the d-class explain it briefly and that's it
10:56 PM <•ARD> Word
10:57 PM <Hippo> or use the footnote to explain it and have the d-class just say it's a flash video or something, either way
10:57 PM <•ARD> Cool
10:57 PM <Hippo> like that goes to that thing we talked to before re: verisimilitude, i think; you can have 'dated' references so long as you don't spend a lot of time on them — they can establish the sense of it being a real convo
10:58 PM <Hippo> crap — okay
10:58 PM <Hippo> i think the lag is done
10:58 PM <•ARD> I gotcha
10:58 PM <Hippo> HUFF
10:59 PM <Hippo> there's another angle i see, but i dunno if it would work — it struck me upon reading your containment rocedures tho
10:59 PM <Hippo> in that, whenever anyone is alone with the banana
10:59 PM <Hippo> with nothing watching
10:59 PM <Hippo> they disappear
11:00 PM <Hippo> like the banana has two properties: 1) if you are alone with it and nothing is recording or watching you, you vanish 2) people are ill-at-ease with the banana; it feels 'wrong', though they can't say why
11:00 PM <Hippo> and the foundation is trying to figure out if they should have someone eat the banana
11:00 PM <Hippo> I think having someone eat the banana might be your final twist/kick, IDK
11:00 PM <Hippo> like what happens?
11:02 PM <•ARD> lol
11:02 PM <•ARD> Maybe
11:02 PM <•ARD> That’s a good stinger though - someone is like “FUCK THIS” and eats the banana
11:02 PM <•ARD> Addendum: Neutralized
11:02 PM <Hippo> IDK tho part of the problem is that it really *is* kind of the air coupler — i don't mean that in a bad way, but i mean that in 'that's the challenge the anomaly presents to you as a writer' way
11:02 PM <Hippo> hahaha
11:03 PM <Hippo> by this being the air coupler i mean — the challenge is — that it's an article that, ultimately, isn't about anything but a faulty diagnostic system
11:03 PM <Hippo> (maybe)
11:03 PM <Hippo> like it's an article largely about nothing
11:03 PM <•ARD> 2472 is actually what happens when nobody tests edge cases
11:03 PM <Hippo> which is a neat idea and one i like but it's pretty challenging to make nothing compelling
11:04 PM <Hippo> i do like the 'ate it' / 'neutralized' thing
11:04 PM <Hippo> dunno how well that would sell but *I* think it's funny
11:05 PM <Hippo> tho you can go the other way too; instead of 1 banana, they end up with *2*
11:05 PM — Hippo x-files.midi
11:06 PM <Jekeled> if they eat it something worse needs to happen
11:06 PM <Jekeled> or that
11:06 PM <Jekeled> 2 bananas is good tooo
11:06 PM <Hippo> i also like the idea of escalation over nothing; like, a d-class thinking he has all th epower because he has the banana
11:06 PM <Hippo> hahahaha oh man
11:07 PM <•ARD> Hippo: a d-class eats it and chokes on it
11:07 PM <Hippo> ok lag again >:
11:07 PM <•ARD> But at the same time people cease to be affected by it
11:07 PM <•ARD> Object Class: Neutralized
11:07 PM <Hippo> but in case this gets through: d-class realizes they are not affected by banana
11:07 PM <Hippo> the entire power dynamic shifts when the d-class picks the banana up and confusedly just waves it at the researcher
11:08 PM <•ARD> Mmmm I'm honestly not too thrilled by that
11:08 PM <•ARD> I've seen a lot of articles with that kind of shift
11:08 PM <•ARD> Jack Ike has written a few, you yourself wrote one with the monopoly board
11:08 PM <Hippo> fair enough! also I *just* got your messages, haha
11:08 PM <•ARD> Ah
11:08 PM <Hippo> sorry i keep getting slammed with lag
11:08 PM <•ARD> Weird. Try turning your wifi off and then on again
11:08 PM <Hippo> I'm at work — i think it's the mibbit plugin? IDK
11:09 PM <•ARD> Hm
11:11 PM <Hippo> idk where I'd take this it's a fun setup but it's also a hard one >_> i do like the d-class eating and choking on it, haha. or they vanish and now there's two; maybe it's even like keter cakes, but with fear
11:12 PM <•ARD> the next day: there is a giant banana where the d-class used to be
11:12 PM <Hippo> hahaha
11:13 PM ↔ Hippo nipped out
11:16 PM <Hippo> Okay, I'm connected through another plugin entirely. I think it's definitely the wiki's plug-in; it wouldn't even load after I got disconnected.
11:17 PM <Hippo> Another possibly really dumb idea: Make the banana the 2740 of foods.
11:17 PM <Hippo> Instead of trying to enter the attic, people keep trying to eat it, but they can't remember even making the attempt.
11:18 PM <Hippo> Like, they just try to *peel* the banana, and they can't; it's like their attempts are retrocausally erased.
11:19 PM <Hippo> (Also, sorry that I don't have a distinct answer for this; it's a problem with a *lot* of different possible approaches!)
11:19 PM <•ARD> Yeah no worries
11:20 PM <•ARD> I want to keep it very simple
11:20 PM <•ARD> The 2740 of foods is a silly idea but it lacks the absurd horror I want to go for
11:21 PM <Hippo> Yeah. Hm. I think — like, with something as simple as a banana, the only way you get to horror is through implication. My immediate thoughts go to the act of peeling the banana, and the implication of peeling a human similarly.
11:21 PM <•ARD> Hmmm
11:22 PM <Hippo> Like, this isn't what you're going for, but as an example — imagine an article where the Foundation can't tell the difference between a D-Class personnel and the banana.
11:22 PM <Hippo> And so, the 'stinger' is the very simple, very abrupt mention of having peeled the object, with the reader knowing the object is, in fact, the D-Class.
11:23 PM <Hippo> (Possibly by way of simply mentioning that after peeling, it was determined that the subject ceased moving, or was red, etc)
11:27 PM <Hippo> (alternatively, it could be bananaphone. But not really. Please don't do bananaphone)
11:40 PM → shaggydredlocks joined (~ten.tsacmoc.ap.1dsh.33C68502-CRInys|tibbiM#ten.tsacmoc.ap.1dsh.33C68502-CRInys|tibbiM)
11:51 PM <•ARD> Lol

Krank

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX is a drilling rig located at the bottom of an abandoned granite quarry in [Somewhere], Massachusetts. Although the quarry has been abandoned since at least 1961, the rig has continued to operate. The quarry around the rig is subject to minor anomalous phenomena: all groundwater that enters the quarry will flow towards SCP-XXXX, up the surrounding support structure, and into the borehole. Furthermore, the borehole continuously emits copious quantities of Cherenkov radiation. Measurements of the borehole's depth as well as documentation from the quarry suggest that it extends to the Earth's inner core and is increasing in depth; it is unclear how the drill is able to operate under such extreme conditions.

SCP-XXXX was designed as a doomsday eigenweapon, commissioned by the Pentagram and jointly constructed by Kervier International and a third party codenamed Black Eagle, during the Cold War as a scorched-earth policy: the weapon is controlled by a primitive artificial intelligence that is networked into all major US telecommunications networks and frequencies and is capable of parsing information transmitted therein. In case of a global socioeconomic shift towards ideologies typically associated with Communism, the weapon would detonate its payload within the Earth's core. It is unclear what effects would ensue, though the intended effect was likely the total destruction of the planet.

SCP-XXXX's drill bit simultaneously acts as its payload; while the exact composition and origin of the material are unknown, records recovered from Kervier International suggest that it was recovered by the Army Corps of Engineers in 195█ at ██████ █████, ████████ ███████. The material used to make the drill bit was then transferred to Kervier International at some point prior to 1960.

SCP-XXXX's derrick is entirely automated, although its power source and the source of its drill string are unknown. The drill string is automatically dispensed from within the derrick into the borehole at a rate of 60 meters per hour; examination of the string have revealed the presence of human nervous tissue laced into it.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

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Ballbreaker

Date: 22/11/1963

Attempt: At some point between 6:00 AM and 12:00 PM, Oswald is surreptitiously swapped with an Anderson Robotics Saker unit. The deception is not discovered until 12:30 PM, when the Saker fails to shoot Kennedy and attempts to flee. Upon incapacitation, the unit is discovered.

Preventative Measures:Temporal Anomalies personnel move Lee Harvey Oswald forward in time from 5:59 AM to 12:01 PM. The Saker unit pretending to be Oswald at 12:01 PM is incapacitated and transferred to Oswald's bedroom at 5:59 AM. Oswald is then subjected to a pre-prepared hypnotherapy regimen and prepped for assassination, which then proceeds as scheduled.

Date: 22/11/1963

Attempt: An instance of SCP-1746 forms over Dallas, forcing the presidential motorcade to be cancelled as a result of the storm. The resulting storm pattern devastates the city.

Preventative Measures: In the original variant of the timeline in which this incident took place, the waffle cone had not yet been invited, and the requisite frozen dairy confectionary to prevent SCP-1746 from forming did not exist. Thus, the Department of Temporal Anomalies sent agents to the 1904 Worlds Fair in Chicago to introduce and popularize the dessert, which would ensure the existence of the waffle cone in time for its use to prevent SCP-1746 prior to the presidential motorcade.

Date: 22/11/1963

Attempt: At 11:47 AM, one hundred instances of the individual known as Allison Chao storm the Texas Book Depository, overrunning all posted guards as well as subsequent reinforcements. Temporal measurements of the depository suggest that each instance is a version of Allison Chao separated temporally by a single second relative to the original Chao's base time period. Each instance is uniquely prepared to handle part of the Department's countermeasures; together, they are able to continually overcome the Department's protective measures and kill Oswald.

Preventative Measures: The Department of Temporal Anomalies contacts each instance of Chao and provides her with different partial information regarding [REDACTED] in exchange for betraying her associates. As a result, the offensive fails at 11:48 AM as the Chaos turn on each other. At 12:03, the surviving Chaos temporally evacuate the area; Oswald is dosed with a mild amnestic to ensure that he forgets the events of the raid and successfully assassinates Kennedy on time.

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2350 Addendum

Addendum: Executive Brief, Investigative Report Kukulkan

Testimony from internal sources suggests that the Chemical Corps collaborated with the CIA and a third party codenamed "Black Eagle" to develop SCP-2350, using test subjects from project MKUltra to produce and refine the agent. While the CIA were responsible for procuring test subjects and the Chemical Corps developed the mortar system, the actual development of SCP-XXXX apparently fell to "Black Eagle". Because the majority of the CIA's files on MKUltra were destroyed in 1973 and none of the surviving files reference Black Eagle in any way, verification of this information is difficult. However, the existence of Black Eagle is supported by classified files related to the United States Space Program.

All knowledge of Black Eagle's involvement with SCP-2350 comes from testimony compelled from [REDACTED] (codenamed Rockefeller), a member of the Chemical Corps who worked on the mortar system.

Before I say anything I want to make it clear that I had no actual say in the project. I was just following orders. I don't know who started the project, who ran it, or who Black Eagle was. My job was just to record the… the sound.

Uh… where do you want me to start?

Black Eagle? Uh… okay. Um… I have no idea who Black Eagle is. I still don't. What I do know is that by 1955 Project DESPERADO was on the verge of being shut down. We used it in Korea but not nearly enough to justify its expense. And it was expensive. It cost something like five million dollars to make just one of the damn things. We would've gotten a better return on investment by just firing burning wads of bills at the North Koreans. The CIA was about to pull the plug - the CIA, of all people. The problem wasn't recording the sound, it was making it.

I don't know the science behind it - I still don't - but I was told we used actual psychics to produce it. People with honest-to-god psychic abilities. Until 1955, the way it worked was that the CIA would bring in folks seemingly pulled off the god damn street - crackheads and whoremongerers - and run a battery of tests on them, dosing them up to their eyes in LSD and seeing what happened. Then, while they were still high off their asses, we would basically stick them in a room filled with mosquitoes and record the sounds they made. We had to run the sound through a special kind of filter - it was a total blackbox, I don't know how it worked - and then we would put it on magnetic tape, test it, and load it into the mortars. The problem is that something like 99.9% of all the tapes were worthless. For every thousand tapes we made, we got one recording that created the mosquito bites properly. And it was costing a fortune to bring these people in, run all the tests, make LSD for them, buy magnetic tape, etc etc and so on - and we were doing this a thousand times to get one tape. And the tape degraded! Over time the damn thing would wear off, so that two weeks after it was recorded you couldn't get the effects out of it anymore. So we had to keep on doing it, and it wasn't doing enough to justify the expense.

That's when Black Eagle came in.

I don't know who Black Eagle was or who worked for them, but I saw what they did. I stopped seeing druggies and crackheads and started seeing Russians. Little kids. Mentally ill people. The people I thought not even the CIA would stoop to. And they brought in war vets - guys who'd been to Guadalcanal and the Pacific Islands and all that - and dosed all of them, the kids and Russians and vets. All of them were soaked up to the eyes in LSD, and the spooks surgically removed the top their damn skulls off and jammed probes into their brains. And they wired the probes to each other, so you had probes going from a sixty year old man who killed twenty men in Guadalcanal into a six year old girl.

—]

---

OUT OF UNIVERSE NOTES

Licensing Info:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Mosquito_back.jpg - One night in Tayrona National Natural Park resulted in a mosquito-bitten back even though it was protected by t-shirt, bed sheet and hammock. Own work by Servasbemal. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ranch_Hand_defoiliation_effects_on_Vegetation_in_Vietnam.jpg - A Vietcong trench revealed by U.S. Air Force "Ranch Hand" spraying. It normally took about three days for the spray to start affecting the vegetation. National Museum of the U.S. Air Force photo 071002-F-1234P-021 This image or file is a work of a U.S. Air Force Airman or employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image or file is in the public domain in the United States.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:%27Ranch_Hand%27_run.jpg - Defoliant spray run, part of Operation Ranch Hand, during the Vietnam War by UC-123B Provider aircraft. National Museum of the U.S. Air Force photo 071002-F-1234P-022 This image or file is a work of a U.S. Air Force Airman or employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image or file is in the public domain in the United States.

basically a jungle warfare tool developed for use in 'Nam. You shoot off the idea of mosquitoes into the jungle and unless people are inoculated against the IDEA of the mosquitoes they'll think they're being attacked by it so the US soldiers would be inoculated by it but the Viet Cong wouldn't. The thing about the idea of the mosquitoes is - the human brain is a magical thing. If you think you're being attacked by a mosquito with malaria or dengue, then you'll think you've been infected by it. And if your brain thinks it's been infected… the human body will respond appropriately

•Roget> maybe we got this from the Spanish
8:30 PM <•Roget> and we developed it for use in Korea and then Vietnam
•Roget> its the memory of all those soldiers being bitten and sucked at by these bugs
8:31 PM <•Roget> constant crawling across the outside of your skin, you break out in hives and itch them like crazy from the stress and any real bugs feel a million times worse

The Spaniards first developed this to use against the Americans during the Spanish American War with mediocre success because of the state of the memetics(?) art back then. The Americans preserved the weapon and gradually improved it, especially as technology advanced rapidly during WW1 and 2, until they finally deployed it in Korea with moderate success. Part of the increasing efficacy of the weapon is because it absorbs the mind state of everyone affected by it, so the more you use it, the better it becomes. And finally, the US deploys it in Vietnam - but an idea is a living thing that can evolve, so their inoculations fail and these things just become a constant plague specter haunting both sides of the conflict

It's not like eating away at resistance as it is evolving to overcome the defenses. Like, if you think of the inoculations as more of the memetic equivalent of DEET, then the memetic mosquitoes are simply overcoming their aversion to it - ideas die out and evolve, etc etc - and so you're left with the idea of unstoppable mosquitoes

Like, I'm thinking the Foundation learns more about it by snagging documents from The Pentagram (the occult department of the DoD) but I'm not sure how they first discover it

•Roget> with historical documentation from the ASCI maybe
•Roget> maybe the Americans tried to kill the mosqito-meme-infected forests with the agent orange
8:43 PM <•Roget> once they realized hey this actually sucks
•Roget> I mean it doesn't preclude them from using it for its defoliant purpose
8:44 PM <•Roget> now it makes the recklessness doubly important
•Roget> this whole thing honestly feels to me like it logically results in a metaphor for the scars the war left in Vietnam

It was part of the RAINBOW HERBICIDES program under the name Agent Black. Like, agent black was used near the end of the program but once it got out of control the US started spraying agent orange in a frantic haphazard attempt to contain the stuff

•chubert> ARD read your draft. i think it's a cool idea, cool anomalized weaponry is kinda your wheelhouse
10:17 PM <•chubert> the one big question mark for me is what deployment looks like or how the meme spreads
•minmin> what does it look like
10:19 PM <•chubert> yeah
10:19 PM <•minmin> gimme a pattern, a visual
10:19 PM <•minmin> a sound
•ARD> chubert: the bomb emits a sound like a mosquito buzz that primes the people to think of memetic mosquitoes
10:25 PM <•chubert> okay, yeah, here we go
•chubert> if the entire jungle becomes a carrier
10:26 PM <•ARD> Other mosquitoes can emit the buzz
10:26 PM <•ARD> Other insects
10:26 PM <•ARD> Other animals
10:26 PM <•chubert> entire swaths of jungle, you step in, omnipresent mosquito buzz
10:26 PM <•chubert> like even if you clear the area of all animals
10:26 PM <•chubert> if your mind perceives that you are in a jungle
10:26 PM <•chubert> you hear the buzzing
10:26 PM <•ARD> Exactly. The US government tries to clear the infection out by destroying the jungle but all they do is destroy the jungle
•chubert> like what if the meme got attached to the war itself
**•chubert> your call, i think the important thing is just to tie the meme to something concrete
•ARD> The buzzing is a solid leitmotif with solid ties into the skip and the idea of jungle warfare

•minmin> all in all you arent going anywhere
•minmin> what are the stakes
11:35 AM <•minmin> it was used here, it was used there
11:36 AM <•minmin> and then what?
11:36 AM <•minmin> is there a lingering metaphorical crater after a tragic cliche accident
11:36 AM <•minmin> if so, consider making that the main SCP
11:36 AM <•minmin> with the rest being a pithy description of the weapon and a brief history

•ARD> Minmin suggested including some one paragraph incident logs with each section of the history - one instance of its use at each epoch of its existence. I think I can work the buzzing leitmotif into those
•ARD> And finally a discovery log where a task force in Nam is tracking something else down when they stumble into the kill zone, find the deployment shell, hear the buzzing, and are attacked before fleeing
10:37 PM <•ARD> Which catalyzes the documentation recovery earlier in the skip
•chubert> in terms of pacing i might suggest keeping the pre-nam ones short and sweet though
10:39 PM <•chubert> because the bulk of the thematic meat is in the vietnam war**
10:40 PM <•ARD> chubert: yeah three to four sentences tops for each

•vezaz> i like your tone, i like the spanish american war connection
11:41 PM <•vezaz> i love the little details about the deployment mechanisms
11:42 PM <•vezaz> I think i would caution you about the "other animals start doing it" part, though that would go away if you got rid of the meme aspect, just because "scps that make other scps" are generally unwise because it's an easy effect to tack on
•ARD> vezaz: Instead of being transmitted by other animals, do you think it would work better if animals started being affected by the thing? So that there are huge patches of empty jungle with just THE BUZZ where no animals will go?
11:46 PM <•vezaz> hmm
11:46 PM <•vezaz> it could be
11:46 PM <•vezaz> like, if you scale back the effects and focus in on the placebo zone, then you might keep the meme aspect
11:47 PM <•vezaz> the big disconnect right now is that the description is /mostly/ of actual monsterbugs handwaved as memes. but there are some genuine memetic effects in the article too. just got to pick a direction
•vezaz> i would have to see how you drafted that idea. "THE BUZZ" is a good central idea. don't get too caught up in the literal effects. think about the Buzz and how it warps minds and terrain
11:48 PM <•vezaz> a sound in the jungle, like the Color out of Space
•vezaz> i think there's a lot of good stuff in this article one way or the other.

•minmin> personally id bring in the tangible bits faster
•minmin> the devices themselves and the animals making the noise
12:00 AM <•minmin> like, somewhere in the first four paragraphs of the description i would break into a list of
•minmin> confiscated devices and entities contained due to the anomaly
•minmin> or even in the containment procedures
•minmin> just, indicating the physicality of the thing
•minmin> even if you dont do that, though, it's still pretty good

•minmin> ard i didnt feel that way [about vezaz's comments regarding the tackiness of the animal mimicry]
12:01 AM <•minmin> but it could be a good stinger
12:01 AM <•minmin> so you could frame it like a stinger

Pgraphs 1-2) SCP-XXXX is memetic mosquitoes. This is what it does to people, and it spreads via the Buzz. There's some weird shit going on in the spectrograph of the Buzz.
Pgraphs 3-4) The US developed it over the 20th century and when they dropped it into Nam, some weird shit happened. It mutated and the Buzz became picked up by the ecosystem itself. Parts of the Vietnam jungle are still giant meme mosquito generators and if you step into them you'll be eaten alive within minutes.
Pgraphs 5-6) History: The Spanish developed it and used it in the Spanish-American war, but it sucked because memetics as a science was primitive. They had to use noisemakers to create the Buzz, it barely lasted for a few minutes, and they eventually handed the weapon over as part of the Treaty of Paris.
Pgraph 7) The US tried to refine it for WW1 and 2 but couldn't do it in time.
Pgraphs 8-9) The US developed an inoculation so that it wouldn't affect their side and used it in the Korean War. The reason the Chinese couldn't pursue the Americans at the battle of Unsan is because they set off some of the Buzz canisters.
Pgraphs 10-11) The US refined it even more and dropped it in Nam, but it mutated and spread into the jungle. OPERATION RANCH HAND was the pitiful failure to defoliate the jungle as a result

•chubert> i think a discovery log would be effective if you focused on the effects
11:14 PM <•chubert> and not retrieval
11:14 PM <•chubert> like, what happened to the people in vietnam because of the meme
11:14 PM <•chubert> but this article already seems like it's going to be pretty long
11:15 PM <•chubert> it might be worthwhile to identify one section that you're carrying your article on. like what's the highlight, where's the meat concentrated, because it can't be everywhere
For now I'll just focus on everything before the discovery log and then I can work out what the crux of the story is. It's got to be in Vietnam chronologically, I know that

Hippo> {but to answer one question right off the bat I think the log is pretty great, and the pacing excellent overall; I think it might bog down a little near the end, but I might be wrong about that }
4:01 AM <Hippo> regarding your skip — I'm glancing through it, and I take this isn't a final draft? There's a couple of weird choices re: format, but I'm assuming that's stuff you're just not worried about atm
4:02 AM <Hippo> Cuz on one hand it's an *extremely* simple concept, and I feel like, as a result, it's best if it's just short and punchy
4:02 AM <Hippo> On the other hand I kind of like that you're exploding it outward to give it all sorts of context
4:02 AM <Hippo> (It's also a pretty great concept, all things being said — like right away you can imagine a buzzing and how it makes you want to slap yourself)
4:03 AM <•ARD> Hippo: I definitely agree with what you're saying regarding the short and punchy stuff
4:03 AM <•ARD> If I get rid of anything it'll likely be the testimony
4:03 AM <Hippo> At the very least, though, I feel like — a lot of this article can be super-compressed in the description — like you don't need, hm
4:04 AM <Hippo> Like if you're going to cut anything, I'd think about reducing the description, to just make it less intimidating
4:04 AM <Hippo> And ease us more slowly into the dense narrative
4:04 AM <•ARD> I could probably simplify the disease a bit
4:04 AM <Hippo> Like
4:04 AM <•ARD> Cut down a sentence from each paragraph
4:04 AM <Hippo> "Although SCP-XXXX is described as being identical to the buzzing of non-anomalous mosquitoes, there are numerous anomalies in its spectrogram that are theorized to be the source of its anomalous properties, most notably the presence of [REDACTED]."
4:05 AM <Hippo> This line is neat, but I don't think it's necessary
4:05 AM <•ARD> Yeah. I planned to tie that into the testimony part but again, that's probably unnecessary weight
4:05 AM <Hippo> "SCP-XXXX effects both a psychological and physiological response on humans. " <— Definitely don't think you need this line
4:05 AM → Freudian joined (molc.liamgoh|naI#molc.liamgoh|naI)
4:05 AM <•ARD> It could serve to go on a diet
4:06 AM <•ARD> *stand not serve
4:06 AM <Hippo> Because you describe the physiological affects in the next few sentences
4:06 AM <Hippo> And we already know it's psychological because it's a meme
4:06 AM <•ARD> Ahh
4:06 AM <•ARD> Gotchas
4:06 AM <Hippo> (I mean, the lines are fine and good, and typically I wouldn't be like, cut-happy, but I feel like if you're going to hit us with a lot of history — which is probably a good idea, to give the article more weight! — you want to cut the front end and make it as slim as you can get away with)
4:07 AM <•ARD> Yeah I hear what you mean
4:07 AM <Hippo> so we'll read it, get the concept ASAP, and then watch you expand on that concept

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

saddest necrophile

+ Thoughts

Cyan|bed> the interview was uncomfortable
1:07 AM <HippoWriting> that last bit made me go 'uuh O_O'
Cyan|bed> i think the angle would be better if this were so organized that people consented to reanimation before death
1:09 AM <Cyan|bed> instead of just… not consenting
•ARD> Cyan|bed: Marlowe goes around offering sex workers a safe, comfortable, progressive place to work in exchange for use of their bodies after they die
1:20 AM <•ARD> Good pay, healthcare, etc etc
1:20 AM <•ARD> The only downside is that you become a sex zombie
•ARD> I'd prefer the sex zombies to be themselves again
1:21 AM <•ARD> "Yeah, I'm a zombie but honestly? It pays the bills, I'm alive, Bob is a good boss. Plus, I can't get syphilis"
1:25 AM <Hippo> Thinking on this, they sign the contract and agree to come back as zombies and continue working as prostitutes for X number of years
1:25 AM <Hippo> But after that they're free to do whatever because like
1:25 AM <Hippo> They're *zombies* wtf do they care about money anymore
1:25 AM <Hippo> They don't need to eat or drink do they
1:26 AM <•ARD> yeah once they get old and saggy they're off to do whatever zombies do
1:26 AM <•ARD> Marlowe can just hire new ones

TL;DR marlowe is kinda rapey. Make things more consensual. He's a good boss, pays well, has healthcare - all you gotta do is agree to be revived as a zombie and work a few more years after you die and then you're off as an immortal zombie.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX's remains are stored in the Site-42 Morgue. No other containment procedures are necessary at this time.

Description: SCP-XXXX was Robert Marlowe, a member of GoI-001 ("The Chicago Spirit"). Marlowe's only anomalous property was his ability to revive deceased individuals by [DATA EXPUNGED]; individuals revived in this manner, termed SCP-XXXX-1, became devoted to SCP-XXXX, treating him as a father figure and following his commands without question. Marlowe used this ability to assemble a workforce of prostitutes and establish a profitable line of brothels in California.

Marlowe's success in this area led to meeting Richard Chappell, the leader of the Chicago Spirit, in 1918. Although Chappell reportedly disapproved of Marlowe's abilities, he recognized Marlowe's business acumen and facilitated his rapid rise to the position of caporegime of the Chicago Spirit's West Coast operations. By 1920, Marlowe oversaw all of the Spirit's illegal activity in California, Washington State, Oregon, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. His continued success contributed significantly to the Spirit's rise to power in the United States.

On 16 July 1930, Marlowe committed suicide in his home via gunshot; interviews with Marlowe's subordinates suggest that he suffered from undiagnosed clinical depression. Upon Marlowe's death, all instances of SCP-XXXX-1 became inert corpses. The Foundation had been investigating his connections to the Chicago Spirit for approximately six months at the time; upon the death of the SCP-XXXX-1 instances, the Foundation initiated containment and coverup operations. Marlowe's death and the subsequent inability of his successors to maintain their hold on the Western criminal underworld contributed significantly to the declining fortunes of the Chicago Spirit.

Addendum:

+ Interview with Marcus Macdonald

Date: 25 July, 1931

Interviewer: Dr. Smith

[BEGIN LOG]

[EXTRANEOUS INTRODUCTIONS OMITTED]

Macdonald: Cut to the chase. You wanna know about Bob, right?

Smith: Uh, yes. We're looking to gather more information on the late Mr. Marlowe.

Macdonald: Fine. Shoot.

Macdonald: Nah, Bob loved his girls. All of us, really. He was always lookin' out for us, keeping Chappell off our back, Good ol' Bob.

Macdonald: How stupid you think we were? What were we gonna do, ask "Hey Boss, how'd you find out you could fuck people back to life?" You really think we wanted to answer that question? Get outta here.

Macdonald: Tell you the truth… I think Bob mighta been a queer. He was never interested in any of his girls, least not that I saw. And there was that one time… one of the girls, uh, Barb, I think, one of her clients got a bit too rough with her. I remember both her eyes looking like peaches. Bob had the bouncers take the guy to the basement. Week later, the poor bastard was behind the bar, looking happy as a clam and just as green around the gills if you know what I mean.

Macdonald: Damn shame about Bob. Even if he did take it up the ass, he was the best boss I ever had and a damn good man.

TURBO TEEN

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in a secure locker at Site-42. SCP-XXXX may only be inserted into automobiles for testing procedures. Once per day, SCP-XXXX should be inserted into a test vehicle (currently a 1997 Toyota Corolla), and SCP-XXXX-1 is to be provided with one gram of cocaine.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a car key of indeterminate make and manufacture that can be inserted into any automobile and used to start the ignition. When SCP-XXXX is used to start an automobile, the vehicle will become transmogrified into a teenage girl of variable ethnicity, termed SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-1's ethnicity will match the country of origin of the tested vehicle; the color and design of its clothing depends on the color and car model. Regardless of the vehicle used, SCP-XXXX-1 maintains a consistent consciousness and memory. It identifies itself as "Murakami Killswitch", and claims to be a demon summoned by a member of an anomalous criminal group called the Chicago Spectre.

Human beings that sit inside a vehicle started with SCP-XXXX will be affected by the transmogrification; SCP-XXXX-1 reports that their consciousnesses exist in its mind as part of its phonological loop until it returns to its car form. D-class subjects used to test SCP-XXXX report an out-of-body experience, wherein they are sitting in the test vehicle, but the world outside is from SCP-XXXX-1's viewpoint. If a person was sitting in the driver's seat when the ignition was started, that person will be able to control SCP-XXXX-1's movement using the steering wheel and pedals. SCP-XXXX-1 can be reverted back into a vehicle by stopping the car and removing SCP-XXXX from the ignition; subjects sitting inside the vehicle will also reappear. For its part, SCP-XXXX-1 maintains that it has full control over itself at all times.

Addendum: Interview XXXX-1

+ Show interview log

In SCP-XXXX's first test, it was inserted into an orange 2000 Toyota Corolla by D-18731, and promptly transmogrified into an Asian woman wearing an orange sundress. Dr. Freeman conducted a post-test interview with D-18731 after SCP-XXXX-1 transmogrified back into a Toyota Corolla.

Date: 18 February, 2018

Interviewer: Dr. Freeman

[BEGIN LOG]

Freeman: Okay, D-18731, let's start simple. What happened to you after you turned on the ignition?

D-18731: I dunno… it's kind of hard to remember. Feels like I just took a nap. Uh, I was in the car. I know I was sitting in the driver's seat. But… the perspective was all wrong.

Freeman: I see. Can you elaborate on what you mean by the perspective being wrong?

D-18731: Uh, it's kind of hard to say. I can barely remember it. I could see you outside the car. But like, you were huge or really tall or something. I think you were talking? Like, I think you were talking but I don't remember what you said.

Freeman: Interesting. It sounds almost like you were dreaming.

D-18731: Yeah - hey, yeah! A dream! It felt like I was dreaming! I dreamed I was in the car and you were there and you were huge and I think you were talking and then I pulled the key out and then I woke up in the car. What a lame dream.

Addendum: Interview XXXX-2

+ Show interview log

In SCP-XXXX's first test, it was inserted into an orange 2000 Toyota Corolla by D-18731, and promptly transmogrified into an Asian woman wearing an orange sundress. In accordance with humanoid testing and ethical protocols, Dr. Freeman conducted an on-site interview with SCP-XXXX-1.

Date: 18 February, 2018

Interviewer: Dr. Freeman

[BEGIN LOG]

SCP-XXXX-1: You're not the bossman.

Freeman: Excuse me?

SCP-XXXX-1: Oh, I'm sorry. Ahem. Hi! I'm Murakami Killswitch. I need some coke - oh, I'm sorry, cocaine - like, right now, or uh, I'm gonna open up a hellgate and kill everyone within ten kilometers in the process! Like, a gram or two is good, please and thank you!

Freeman: Er, we'll see what we can do.

Freeman directs his assistant, Junior Researcher Maslow, to go to the Site-42 Pharmaceutical Wing.

Freeman: I've sent my assistant to see if we have any, ah, cocaine. In the meantime, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

SCP-XXXX-1: Coke first. Questions later.

SCP-XXXX-1: I guess the Inside Man didn't need me anymore! Boys, am I right? He wanted to get rid of me and the Revenants at once - don't even get me started on that little rivalry - so he probably dropped me off near their headquarters! Then once the contract was broken, I'd go home and use their souls to open the gate! You know how it is!

• murakami killswitch isn't a girl bonded to a demon it's a demon that straight up consumed its host soul and took the body over. It's retained in this dimension by cocaine because that drug represents some of the worst of human excess. If it doesn't get its weekly fill it'll open a gateway back to hell powered by the souls of everyone around it.
• the inside man summoned it to be a useful getaway car and once he was done with it he dropped it off at a rival gangs headquarters in 3P so they'd all be killed when it reopened the gate. Unfortunately for him it was picked up by a joint foundation/UIU raid the next day which is how killswitch was recovered
• An unassuming car key of indeterminate make
• When used to start a car, the car transforms into a teenage girl
• Blanks out when not starting car
• Girl's ethnicity and look dependent on car make
• People sitting in the car become voices in head, report out of body experiences seeing life through the girl
• Getaway driver for Chicago Spirit, holds people and loot
• Tells everything in exchange for "amnesty"

Hellbillies

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: No containment procedures are necessary. SCP-XXXX's remains are stored in the Site-42 Biological Containment Freezer. All documentation regarding SCP-XXXX is stored in the Archive Wing of Site-42. The town of White Cross Falls has been repurposed into a Foundation site to care for senior personnel and personnel disabled in the line of duty.

Description: SCP-XXXX was a tartarean entity that existed in this universe as a large, bipedal, porcine entity, and was worshiped as the deity "Filluvkraft, the Harbinger of Purity" by the residents of the town of White Cross Falls, Georgia. In exchange for human sacrifices, SCP-XXXX ensured enhanced growth of the crops and livestock of the primarily agricultural community, a consistent phenotype of blue eyes and blond hair in children born within the town's borders, and that the disappearance of all individuals sacrificed to it would go relatively unnoticed.

Documentation recovered from the town, interviews with survivors, and recovered folk legends suggest that SCP-XXXX was either summoned or created by one John Gordon² shortly after the end of the Civil War. Before the Civil War, White Cross Falls was a prosperous town supported primarily by the activity of the numerous slave-worked plantations located in and around the town. After slavery was outlawed in White Cross Falls, the town and community fell into disrepair; the only residents who remained were too poor to leave. Gordon intended for the entity to restore the town's fortunes, which it did with limited success; nevertheless, the town's fortunes improved enough for the residents to form a cult around SCP-XXXX. The formation of the cult was assisted by the prevalent racism, anti-Semitism, and lack of education³ within the community, which may have also contributed to strengthening SCP-XXXX's capabilities.

Addendum: Discovery and Neutralization

Foundation agents were initially alerted to the existence of SCP-XXXX following routine statistical examinations of missing persons reports in the United States; it was noticed that, on average, four people went missing in White Cross Falls each month, but no notice or attention had been given to this abnormally high rate by law enforcement. Foundation Special Agent Chadwick Freeman was dispatched to investigate the town; in the process of his investigation, he encountered and neutralized SCP-XXXX. Following the neutralization of SCP-XXXX, the residents of the town were given Class-A amnestics and relocated.

+ Recovery Log

• Freeman comes into town normal. Asks the locals some questions. Hey what's up, you seen these people?
• Gets conked over the head, wakes up in a barn butt-naked but for his glasses, chained to the wall
• Pulls chains out of wall, climbs into loft, escapes through hole, climbs down
• Cultist guarding the barn. Freeman strangles him to death with chains, takes double-barrel shotgun, Colt 1911, and keys to handcuffs
• Hears someone scream for help; Freeman goes through the swamp to find them, fighting cultists and maybe other weird swamp monsters.
• Comes across sacrificial altar. Four or five cultists, the girl is tied up, the demon is waiting, the cultists are about to slit the girl's throat.
• Freeman shoots them all, rescues the girl, and tells the demon "Squeal like a pig" before blowing it away
• Calls in the Foundation to secure the area

Mister Atheism

+ Critique

ARD's Thoughts - Jekeled is right. He's too much like a cool OC - the science and STEM and all that is chaff. Focus on him being Mister Atheism - there's got to be irony. He's a devoted Christian who woke up one day believing that he had to spread the word of God, so he did. Missionary work, the jungles, gangs, sometimes risking his life. But his anomaly is that when he tries to convince someone that God exists, he ends up convincing them to become atheist. He gets discouraged, wonders what is wrong with him, considers killing himself, runs into Jude and Armand, they greet him, explain what they did, he flips his lid and kills them and everyone else who does anomalous shit in GAW. What kind of sick and twisted demons would use their god-like powers to play pranks?

Jekeled> ARD Still not a fan
2:47 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: mmm
2:48 AM <Jekeled> ARD It suffers from the same problem the rest of the GAW articles suffer from
2:48 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: fucking lol
2:48 AM <Jekeled> ARD It's blunt and the anomaly isn't interesting. Yours goes in the opposite way, but that doesn't make it better
2:48 AM <Jekeled> Any takedown of GAW will either need to be 1) more subtle than it or 2) so fucking insane that it transcends subtlety
2:48 AM <djkaktus> ARD so here's how you fix this
2:48 AM <djkaktus> Because Jek is right
2:48 AM <•AidenEldritch> Jekeled: Vaping In Diminished Time
2:48 AM <djkaktus> but
2:49 AM <djkaktus> I have an idea
2:49 AM <Jekeled> AidenEldritch I could totally write a GAW takedown.
2:49 AM <djkaktus> So this guy is pretty devoted to his faith
2:49 AM <djkaktus> and he's trying to do evangelizing
2:49 AM <djkaktus> and he's really bad at it because he makes people atheists
2:49 AM <djkaktus> but
2:49 AM <djkaktus> he's not aware of it at all.
2:49 AM <djkaktus> Like, he doesn't understand why he's bad at it
2:49 AM <•AidenEldritch> djkaktus: "The Book of Moron"
2:50 AM <djkaktus> So he's like "aw shucks, guess it didn't work out. Maybe next time"
2:50 AM <djkaktus> yeah, he's a fucking idiot.
2:50 AM <djkaktus> Like, super sincere and everything, but dumb as a sack of shit.
2:50 AM <djkaktus> The Foundation can ask him about like, him being a mister and stuff
2:50 AM <djkaktus> but he's got no idea what they're talking about.
2:51 AM <djkaktus> ARD: additionally, it might be even funnier if he made people into really combative atheists
2:51 AM <djkaktus> and he was not at all good at defending his faith
2:51 AM <ChaoSera> Zyn, need some help?
2:51 AM <djkaktus> idk just some ~ideas~
2:51 AM <Jekeled> What if part of the reason why they all became atheists was because of how shit he is at arguing
2:51 AM <djkaktus> Yeah, like part of this is just that he's a really shitty evangelist.
2:52 AM <djkaktus> But, again, he doesn't realize that.
2:52 AM <djkaktus> He has no clue.
2:54 AM <•ARD> djkaktus, Jekeled I really want to keep the aspect of "shooting the members of GAW"
2:54 AM <•ARD> that's the only reason I'm writing this
2:54 AM <Jekeled> ARD He gets a message from God
2:54 AM <Jekeled> But it's not god, he's just really fucking dumb
2:54 AM <djkaktus> lol the message says "stop please"
2:54 AM <djkaktus> "youre not helping"
2:54 AM <Jekeled> ^
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "uhhhhh so mr atheism you said you got a message from god that said you needed to shoot these men"
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "yes"
2:55 AM <Jekeled> ARD Also, I figured the only reason you wanted to write this was because of the gaw takedown; it's why it's so bad
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "this message says "please stop"
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "Yeah but you need to read between the lines"
2:55 AM <Jekeled> ^^
2:55 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: at least I know it's at the same level of quality as the rest of gaw
New messages
2:56 AM <Jekeled> actually mr bernie sanders was better
2:56 AM <•ARD> fuck
2:56 AM <•AidenEldritch> a grievous insult
2:56 AM <Jekeled> djkaktus but what do you think of my indiana idea
2:56 AM <•ARD> I might toss this, I don't know
2:56 AM <•Zyn> ChaoSera: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-2254850/scp-xxxx:childhood-memories
2:56 AM <•Zyn> thanks
2:56 AM <•ARD> Now that I've actually written up this guy shooting everyone in GAW I think I've lost my burning hatred for them and have replaced it with a simmering contempt
2:57 AM <Jekeled> ARD like, it can be saved; kaktus has a real good idea
2:57 AM <djkaktus> ARD: if you really hate them
2:57 AM <djkaktus> the best way to take them down is by making them a joke.
2:57 AM <djkaktus> So make him a joke.
2:57 AM <•ARD> djkaktus: but they're literally already jokes. they embraced that part of themselves when they became about internet memes
2:57 AM <•ARD> how can I make fun of a meme
2:57 AM <•Roget> djkaktus: I laughed so hard
2:57 AM <•Roget> oh my god
2:57 AM <•Roget> ARD: you must do this
2:58 AM <•Roget> "you have to read between the lines" holy shit
it's a metaphor
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "please stop" is a metaphor for "please stop them"
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "the gaymers"
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "against christ"
•ARD> Jekeled: alright. i'm convinced
2:59 AM <Jekeled> c:
2:59 AM <•ARD> mister atheist is a militant evangelist who is so bad at arguing that he turns people into militant atheists and is convinced that he is receiving messages from god literally everywhere
3:00 AM <Jekeled> :)
3:00 AM <•Roget> ARD: yesssssss
•ARD> but he's just as dumb as a sack of bricks and through some unfortunate conspiracy, becomes convinced that the only way to salvation is to slay the gamers against weed
3:00 AM <•ARD> Deus Vult
3:00 AM <•ARD> *unfortunate coincidence
3:01 AM <•ARD> djkaktus: I'm going to steal those lines btw they're good ones
3:01 AM <djkaktus> nice

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a Humanoid Containment Cell in Site-42. It has been allotted a copy of the King James Bible and an MP3 player with music and audiobooks. Individuals with assignments that may bring them into contact with SCP-XXXX should be atheistic.

At this time, SCP-XXXX is scheduled for weekly meetings with staff psychologist Adileh Khayyam. No other containment procedures are needed.

Description: SCP-XXXX, formerly known as Ashley Williams, is a German male that is biologically in their twenties. On the back of SCP-XXXX's head is a barcode label, that when scanned, reads "Mr. Atheism by Gamers Against Weed". SCP-XXXX has an eidetic memory and has memorized the contents of the King James Bible. SCP-XXXX is a devoted Roman Catholic and will frequently attempt to engage individuals in debate around religious topics with the aim of converting them to Catholicism; however, if its opponent possesses religious beliefs, they will invariably discard their beliefs at the end of the debate. Prior to containment, SCP-XXXX was a missionary who had spent several years in Africa.

Addendum: Recovery Log

On ██/██/██, the ██████ Police Department recorded the arrest of one Ashley Williams, suspected of murdering Jude Kriyot and Armand ██████⁴ and destroying Kriyot's apartment via arson. Due to their known affiliation with the GoI Gamers Against Weed, SCP-XXXX was promptly taken into Foundation custody and coverup protocols were initiated.

Addendum: SCP-XXXX Interview Log

Interviewer: Dr. Adileh Khayyam (on request from Site Director Arvind Desai)
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

[BEGIN LOG]

Khayyam reaches over the interview table to shake SCP-XXXX's hand.

Khayyam: How are you? My name is Adileh Khayyam.
SCP-XXXX: My name is Mister Ath - Ashley Williams. But everyone calls me Ash.
Khayyam: Ash. I like it. Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Ash. You aren't in any trouble. I'm just trying to figure out what happened with Misters -
SCP-XXXX: I killed them. I killed them, and I hope they're laughing in hell.
Khayyam: I see. I appreciate your honesty, Ash. If you feel able to - would you be able to tell me why?
SCP-XXXX sighs and looks away.
SCP-XXXX: How old do you think I am?
Khayyam: If I had to hazard a guess… twenty-five?
SCP-XXXX: I'm one.
Khayyam: One? I find it rather difficult to believe you could be so young.
SCP-XXXX: So did I. I was born in Cleveland, Ohio. I graduated from Ohio University with a degree in Philosophy. I spent the last five years of my life spreading the Lord's wisdom and helping the less fortunate in Africa as a missionary for the Catholic Church.
SCP-XXXX snorts bitterly.
SCP-XXXX: At least I thought I did.
Khayyam: What do you mean?
SCP-XXXX: I know the last year of my life existed - it was the worst year of my life. I was supposed to be a preacher. To spread the wisdom of the Lord and help other souls find salvation. And I was fucking terrible at it.

SCP-XXXX: I met Jude and Armand on the way to the bridge. They called me "Mr. Atheism" and rattled off things about my life that I'd never told anyone. I wish I had ignored them. But I didn't. I went back to their apartment - I don't know why, some sick curiosity? So I went to their apartment, and I learned about Jude and Armand, and I learned all about how they'd created Mr. Atheism.
SCP-XXXX leans back and puts a hand to their forehead.
SCP-XXXX: I still thought this was a sign from God. How stupid was that? I was sure that these were angels sent to test my faith.

SCP-XXXX: I'm a ghost. I'm a ghost that they put into someone's corpse so they could
SCP-XXXX: A prank. These people had the power to create life - to make men come alive and give them superpowers and they used them to get their fucking jollies off. Jude and Armand and their stupid friends could have cured cancer or solved world hunger or created world peace and instead they decided to make my purpose in life terrible preaching. What kind of devil could do that? What kind of devil would do that?
SCP-XXXX: I was mugged in Africa once. I don't know if that actually happened or it was someone else's memory but it made me carry a gun. So I shot them both. They're dead and I would do it all over again.

Khayyam: Ash, thank you for sharing this with me. I just have one more question.
SCP-XXXX: Sure. Ask away.
Khayyam: By any chance did you ever come into possession of a document that read 'Holy Heck! You've just found yourself Mister Atheism by Gamers Against Weed'?
SCP-XXXX: … Yeah. I threw it in the trash and lit it on fire.

Women

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a 1m x 1m x 2m Keter-level containment chamber with additional 20 cm of reinforced steel-plate lining and a strain gauge under the floor. At least three site-wide redundant alarm systems, with an alarm sound unique to SCP-XXXX, must be tied to the strain gauge and primed to trigger when it registers a decrease in weight.

All rooms and hallways in Site-75 should be equipped with immediately-accessible kitchen knives and refrigerators stocked with mangoes. In the event that SCP-XXXX's alarm is triggered, all personnel must immediately retrieve a mango and knife and attempt to reach the nearest one-entrance room. If SCP-XXXX is sighted, the viewing person(s) must immediately begin to cut their mango.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an ambush predator that resembles a middle-aged Indian woman wearing an orange, rhinestone-studded sari⁵. Thermal scanning and dissection of SCP-XXXX indicates that both the sari and the human resemblance are part of its exoskeleton; it is actually an invertebrate organism with a mantid-like body structure, possessing mantid features such as compound eyes, antennae hidden in the ears, near-180^o neck articulation, and spiked forelegs disguised as arms.

SCP-XXXX hunts human beings, but does not act like other ambush predators, preferring to stalk its prey and then come into view before attacking the subject. However, it employs a killing method similar to that of mantids, grasping victims with its forelegs and eating them alive. SCP-XXXX has the ability to climb up walls and on the ceiling, as well as contort its body to fit into extremely small spaces. Several surviving witnesses have observed SCP-XXXX being able to close large distances without physically being seen to move. It is presumed that this trait is also what enables SCP-XXXX to bypass most security measures and physical impediments, such as locked doors and laser-wired corridors.

For unclear reasons, SCP-XXXX displays an extreme aversion to mangoes. In particular, the act of cutting and exposing the flesh of a mango in front of SCP-XXXX is enough to make it retreat. However, this tactic is only effective when implemented by a single person at a time.

SCP-XXXX was first discovered by Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") while eradicating an outbreak of SCP-2810 in Bihar, India. Lambda-12 tracked a tiger instance of SCP-2810 to a secluded village in the

With the assistance of the villagers, Lambda-12 was able to track SCP-XXXX to its lair and force it into a mobile holding cell. However, SCP-XXXX was able to escape and kill several members of the Task Force before fleeing. At this time, Mobile Task Force Lambda-9 ("Bagheera's Boys") arrived to take over from Lambda-12. Lambda-9 was able to recapture SCP-XXXX and escort it to Site-75.

Addendum: On ██/██/████, SCP-XXXX was found to have laid eggs. All but three of the eggs were incinerated; one was dissected, one was put in cold storage, and one was allowed to hatch. The hatched instance of SCP-XXXX, which was nearly identical to the one in containment, was killed and dissected. Mobile Task Forces Lambda-12 and Lambda-9 have been dispatched to the site of its original discovery to confirm that there are no more instances of SCP-XXXX in the wild.

RNGhatanothoa

+ What this is

In their quest to improve their cryptographic security, Prometheus Labs starts looking for ways to find ever-larger prime numbers
One such way involves building a biological super computer and dosing it with large quantities of drugs like methamphetamines to enhance its computational power
In the process, they find a prime number so inordinately huge (think Graham's Number huge) that the computer's mere cognizance of this number accidentally summons an eldritch being into this place of existence
so Prometheus Labs chains the eldritch being to a revamped version of the computer and uses it to generate even more super huge prime numbers

why would you make a biological supercomputer when electronic ones are far better at math and counting
and, to be quite honest, if Prometheus is working on anomalous encryption methods, why are they using RSA
now, if you turn the premise around, and Prometheus is using an anomalous supercomputer for /factoring/, that could potentially be used in breaking RSA encryption
basically, we don't need computers to find large numbers for us, but we do need them for breaking down large numbers

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX is a database server running a modified version of UNIX (known as PLUNIX) with two primary elements, SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2.
SCP-XXXX-1 consists of layered, interconnected nets of human nervous tissue contained within standard aluminum computer cases. Through unknown means, this nervous tissue is able to interface with a touchscreen console through which SCP-XXXX accepts human input. Users are able to interact with SCP-XXXX to store and encrypt information

SCP-XXXX-2 is an aluminum sphere, 1 meter in diameter, with multiple hollow, cylindrical protrusions. Through unknown means, SCP-XXXX-2 is suspended in midair in the center of SCP-XXXX; it is spatially locked with regards to its position and orientation. Although unaided viewing of SCP-XXXX-2 shows only distorted imagery of an empty chamber, computer-enhanced imagery in various spectra shows a complex structure with octad radial symmetry.

Addendum: History

SCP-XXXX was initially recovered from an abandoned Prometheus Computing research site near Varanasi, India. Documentation onsite indicates that SCP-XXXX was be

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

Apathy B

forum critique

+ Show chat critique

<Paroxysm>:
<Djoric>:
<daveyoufool>:
<SnarkyPotato>:
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Couldn't they just hook him up to life support and be done with it? Have the machines in a separate room
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Like the issue with the VR thing (I like the idea of VR containing something)
Is it takes waayyyyy too long to explain what the hell it is
<TwistedGears>: And expunging what -B is isn't doing you a whole lot of favors since you're already delaying information
<TwistedGears>: Does it matter all that much to have it be called DESCARTES? I mean, the thing is in itself basically an anomaly. Why not just say it's VR in the the containment procedures and have a collapsible in the description going into more detail?
<TwistedGears>: Being told it's being contained by VR and then explaining the details of it later would work better than just saying DESCARTES because then I have to get through 4 paragraphs before knowing what the hell that even is
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Could you just call it the DESCARTES virtual reality console or some nonsense? best of both worlds?
<TwistedGears>: Then why not just… have him be anomalous?
<TwistedGears>: Just. Give him sort of cancer that grows, nix it being its own -b entity

Item #: SCP-2910

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2910 is contained in Site-42 in a Safe-class humanoid containment cell, and is to be kept alive through standard protocols for comatose patients. SCP-2910 must be connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) at all times. The VR should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must be connected to both the Area-2910 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. A backup VR is to be maintained in case the primary VR malfunctions. The VR has been programmed to automatically store save files to dedicated onsite and offsite servers once every 24 hours and load the oldest stored save file if SCP-2910-A dies in the VR (whether through suicide or natural causes). For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

Description: SCP-2910 is the former Dr. N█████, a 27-year old Junior Researcher in the Site-54 Mental Hazards Division (2910-A). Aside from muscular atrophy brought on by its placement in the VR, it is physically identical to a human male of the same age.

SCP-2910 has been connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator for an indefinite period of time.

+ About DESCARTES

DESCARTES is a prototype virtual reality (VR) machine based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Dr. Samsonite. When a user connects to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality with realistic physics and NPC interaction, and stimulates the user's brain to perceive the virtual reality as real life, from simulated birth till death, without memories of their actual life. At the same time, it can parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite the user's memories based on modifiable parameters⁶. Upon locating pertinent information, DESCARTES will then erase the user's memory of their virtual experience.

The DESCARTES connected to SCP-2910 simulates a world that is totally identical to the real world; however, its NPC generation subroutine has been modified so that NPCs will either not respond to SCP-2910-A's attempts at interaction or produce a response from a generic list of answers. All NPCs otherwise act normally.

No records on SCP-2910's placement in the VR nor any documentation prior to the current report appear to exist. It is unclear why SCP-2910 is in its current state or why it has been contained. No records exist of SCP-2910 showing any anomalous behavior; however, all attempts to disconnect SCP-2910 from DESCARTES or alter the Model 1's programming have resulted in unapproved behavior of major Foundation weaponized satellites: specifically, the two weaponized satellites nearest to Site-42 at the time will become unresponsive to remote commands, move from their normal locations into orbit above Site-42, and arm themselves to fire all weapons within ten minutes. Examination of the satellites' programming has revealed the presence of unknown subroutines that cannot be accessed even with O5 authorization, though all programmers who worked on Foundation weaponized satellites in the past profess ignorance of these programs (even under strenuous interrogation).

As it is unfeasible to totally replace the Foundation's orbital arsenal, the Ethics Committee has determined that the current solution of keeping SCP-2910 within the VR simulation is to remain unchanged.

Apathy A

forum critique

+ Show chat critique

•minmin> the field is also left unexplained
10:41 PM <•minmin> which, as far as the Wiki goes, is par for the course
10:41 PM <•minmin> but you already explain so much
•minmin> it's like reading a murder mystery and finding out that the killer is the Butler and the weapon is the Slinky Coil
10:42 PM <•minmin> and it just ends there before the butler confesses the How
•GreenWolf> Bangart feels… really cliche over the top
minmin> the core idea is already rather hammy so
minmin> I… actually like the older one where the humanoid is placed under VR to suppress his effects
<minmin>: ARD: ehhhh… I can't say I'm a fan of his hamminess

•GreenWolf> anyways, my thoughts were that the stinger was kind of "oh fuck, that's /cold/"
•GreenWolf> I liked it, don't know if others will though
•minmin> it's a pretty evocative torture, yeah
10:57 PM <•minmin> but i think the scp has jaded me wrt fates worse than death

Item #: SCP-2910

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2910 is contained at its location of discovery, in the Site-42 Auxiliary Generator Sub-basement. No attempts are to be made to communicate with SCP-2910.

SCP-2910-A's DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must remain connected to both the Site-42 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

Description: SCP-2910 refers to the former Dr. Akash Navali, a former Senior Researcher of the Site-42 Memetics Division who was presumed to have been abducted in 1995 by [REDACTED] during a raid conducted on Site-42.

SCP-2910 is currently located at its place of discovery in a previously hidden chamber in the Site-42 Auxiliary Generator sub-basement. SCP-2910 is seated in a plastic chair in the center of the chamber, connected to a prototype DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR), which itself has been connected to the Site-42 main and auxiliary generators.

SCP-2910 will periodically appear to emit low-pitched sounds or rock back and forth.

Addendum: Creation and Discovery

SCP-2910 was discovered in 2013 during an escape attempt by SCP-████, an instance of which fled into the Site-42 reactor complex sub-basement⁷. During pursuit, Agent Saberi tripped and collided with a wall, which collapsed to reveal SCP-2910's chamber. SCP-2910 was seated within the room, connected to DESCARTES, which itself had been surreptitiously drawing power from the Site-42 main and auxiliary reactors.

SCP-2910 appears to have been created by Arthur Bangart, a former Site-42 Memetics Containment Specialist who was killed by SCP- in 2003. Following Bangart's retirement, his home was covertly searched by Mobile Task Force Alpha-4 ("Houseworkers") for any materials that could be related to the Foundation or anomalous objects. A series of cassette tapes, which Bangart had used to record an audio journal, was recovered from his attic. Although many of the tapes had been damaged by rats, enough were recovered to establish a connection between Bangart and SCP-2910.

+ Bangart's Journal Entries

First recovered entry, dated to ██/██/1990

The recorder is sitting on a table facing Bangart's bed. Bangart leans back from the recorder and sits in front of him.

Bangart: Entry number 37. Um, not much happened today. Finally handed in the report on psionic memes I've been working on, so that's something. Oh! New guy came in today. Akash Navali, Indian guy. Gonna be working under me.

A voice from offscreen calls for Bangart.

Bangart: Coming, baby!

Bangart stops the recording.

Final recording. Entry is dated to ██/██/1995

Bangart sets the camera down on the workbench and moves to the DESCARTES module. Behind him, the entrance leading into the room is almost totally walled up, appearing just wide enough for a man to move through sideways. Bangart types into the DESCARTES module for several minutes and then steps back. Immediately, Navali begins to shake, leaning forward slightly in one direction before abruptly recoiling back. Bangart takes a deep breath and chuckles.

Bangart: I guess someone's watching out for me.

Bangart chuckles slightly.

Bangart: Well, that's that. End of the problem… now, did I forget anything?

Bangart smiles, rolls his eyes, and throws his hands backwards before putting a hand to his temple.

Bangart: I still need to wall up the room. Oh man, imagine if somebody wandered down here and found him. I don't even want to think about what would happen. Hmph, what if…

Bangart sets down the camcorder and ends the recording.

Addendum:

+ About DESCARTES

DESCARTES was based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Waldo Schaeffer. When a user is connected to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality with realistic physics and NPC interaction, and stimulates the user's brain to perceive the virtual reality as real life, from simulated birth till death, without memories of their actual life. At the same time, DESCARTES can analyze and modify the user's brain to parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite their memories based on modifiable parameters.⁸. Upon locating pertinent information, DESCARTES will then erase the user's memory of their virtual experience.

The current world file loaded into SCP-2910's DESCARTES module simulates a single sealed cell with no light sources, approximately 1 meter by 1 meter by 1.5 meters (slightly smaller than SCP-2910's physical size itself) in which SCP-2910 is forced to perpetually crouch or squat. The world file has been further modified to dilate SCP-2910's perception of time such that it perceives 1 hour of real-time as 1 day in DESCARTES.

Monkey Business

<Some_Potato>: A_Random_Day, I really don't know how to do it, but the issue is it's predictable
<Some_Potato>: It's just a couple ridiculous animal superheroes
<Some_Potato>: The concept could work, but you're treating this like a story instead of a joke
<Some_Potato>: A_Random_Day, you need to have a reversal of expectation
<Some_Potato>: Expecation is the death of comedy, and the draft played out as I expected

<kola>: ARD sorry, like make it vulgar
<kola>: So, like Deadpool pretending to be a kids show

Villain #: SCP-522912-J

Level of Evil: Heinous

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-522912-J is currently contained in the Super-Keter-Inescapable-Containment Cell, manned by MTF Omega- -7 "Two Days from Retirement". When If SCP-522912-J escapes the Cell, the Peanut Signal must be blasted from the rooftops. All bananas and banana-related objects must be secured within the Ultra-Thaumiel-Megamaxilon-Omega-Squared-Impenetrable Vault, which is to be labeled "NO BANANAS HERE".

Description: SCP-522912-J is the collective designation for a supervillain duo consisting of a hyperintelligent ape and its skeleton henchman.

SCP-522912-J-1 is an albino common chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes) named Dr. Chimpers⁹ with dramatically increased cognitive capabilities, the ability to speak, and a possible memetic effect that enables it to disguise itself as a person even when it should look nothing like one. It is blinded in one eye, suffers from severe megalomania and a possible inferiority complex, and is the only creature able to communicate with SCP-522912-J-2.

SCP-522912-J-1 spends its time devising elaborate plans to escape jail and steal the world's entire banana supply or cooking. Although it displays standard supervillain knowledge on fields and topics ranging from shaping TNT to convert the faces of Mount Rushmore into banana sculptures to hypnotizing children by presenting cognitohazards on television, SCP-522912-J-1's plans generally fail to factor in either some law of physics, logistics, or simply common sense (i.e. drilling into the Earth's core using nuclear missiles, lighting the moon on fire, or ransoming the sun for two billion bananas). As a result, its plans are usually thwarted by the heroic Skippy Peanutbutter Man.

SCP-522912-J-2 , is an animate, fossilized, partially-complete human skeleton of unknown race named Lenny¹⁰ that lacks a skull and some upper vertebrae. Although lacking all tissue necessary for motility, SCP-522912-J-2 is super strong, super fast, and super agile. If damaged, it will slowly regenerate over time. SCP-522912-J-2 can fully regenerate itself from a single bone within seventy-two hours.

SCP-522912-J-2 is highly protective of and loyal to SCP-522912-J-1, automatically defending it from all physical threats, attempting to remain in close proximity to it at all times, and carrying out all orders given from it. However, SCP-522912-J-2 displays negligible critical thinking skills, is easily confused and outwitted, and is generally amenable to all living things in its surroundings unless it feels that there is a threat to SCP-522912-J-1. These traits are exploited often by Skippy Peanutbutter Man.

+ Escape Attempt #34 Result

Mayor O5-13 is awarding Skippy Peanutbutter Man his eleventeenth consecutive key to the city for thwarting Dr. Chimper's nefarious plots. Commissioner Seven stands nearby.

Mayor Thirteen: Peanutbutter Man, thank you yet again for rescuing us from the evil plots of Dr. Chimpers and his nefarious henchmen!

Dr. Chimpers is tied to a lamppost, while Lenny is chewing on a bone happily within a cage.
Chimpers: I'll get you next time, Skippy Peanutbutter Man! The world's bananas will yet be mine!

Peanutbutter Man: Think again, Dr. Chimpers! Your plan to freeze the world and make a planet-sized banana split was on ice from the start!

Mayor Thirteen, Commissioner Seven, and Peanutbutter Man guffaw heartily at the family-friendly joke. Dr. Chimpers and the lamp-post are carted off to jail.

Peanutbutter Man: Again, Mayor Thirteen, thank you for this honor.

Mayor Thirteen: Please, Thirteen was my father's name. Call me O5. Let's get a photo with you and the brave Secretary Kent, who managed to escape and activate the Peanut Signal!

Peanutbutter Man: Actually, sir, I saw Bruce - er, Secretary Kent -, a few minutes ago. He saw me and ran into the bathroom.

Commissioner Seven:Every time he hears you're coming he has to take a potty break! Honestly, he's so… mild-mannered.

At this moment, Officer Derek Olt pipes up.

Officer D. Olt: You know, it's weird how we've never seen Skippy Peanutbutter Man and Bruce Kent together in the same room. Why's that, I wonder…

Commissioner Seven: Because Kent's a pussy.

The four burst into laughter again.

Skippy Peanutbutter Man Lights the Fuse

9:25 PM
Commissioner Seven: Blast! The evil Dr. Chimpers is at it again! He's broken out of containment and is threatening to extinguish the sun. Look at this video.

Commissioner Seven plays a video showing the evil mad scientist.

Dr. Chimpers: Good morning, it is I, the cunning and deadly genius Dr. Julius Chimpers. Listen very carefully, Nineteenth City. Unless my demands are met, I shall use this enormous fire extinguisher…

The camera moves behind Dr. Chimpers, panning to an outrageously huge fire extinguisher within what appears to be a volcano. A large skeleton, presumably Lenny, scales the extinguisher and adjusts the nozzle to point out of the volcano into the sky.

Dr. Chimpers: To extinguish THE SUN ITSELF!

Chimpers laughs for six minutes and forty seconds. Meanwhile, Officer Runt and the commissioner discuss the situation.

Officer Runt: Morning? But it's 9:30 PM! Blast it! Where on earth could he be?! Commissioner, I think we need to call in Skippy Peanutbutter Man.

Commissioner Seven: Absolutely not. Peanutbutter Man is a vigilante, plain and simple. I trust MTF Omega- -7 to bring this evildoer to justice.

At this moment, all members of Negative Seven are seen currently tied up with their own underpants within the Super-Keter-Inescapable-Containment Cell. All members are wearing Wonder Woman tighty-whities. They are mocking each other for doing so.

Officer Runt: With all due respect, O5 Dash… Omega- -7 is better at guarding the mad monkey than catching him. Peanutbutter Man is plain and simple the best man for the job.

Commissioner Seven: I told you never to use my first name on the job, darn it!

Officer Runt: Peanutbutter Man can do this! He always does it! He's the only man with the intelligence to locate Chimpers by the video alone!

Dr. Chimpers: This fate can be averted, of course, if you follow my instructions very carefully. All I ask for… is SEVEN BILLION BANANAS delivered in UNMARKED PACKAGING to this address: 25 Volcano Way, Spooky Island, The Middle of the Pacific, PO Box 32323! Delivered by noon!

Commissioner Seven: Blast it! You're right, we don't have time to find him. Grr… Officer, activate the Peanut Signal. Secretary Kent, get me my coffee!

Kent: Sorry, sir, I reeeally need to go to the bathroom!

Kent rushes out of the room.

Commissioner Seven: Honestly, it's gotten so that just seeing Chimpers sends that boy into a tizzy. He's so… mild-mannered.

Kent rushes to the bathroom. However, it's not to drop a deuce. Instead, he peels away his shirt to reveal the peanut-colored spandex of a superhero. Indeed, young Bruce Kent is actually the alter-ego of Skippy Peanutbutter Man!

10:03 PM

The roof of the Nineteenth City Police Department. The Peanut-Signal lights up the sky, while Commisioner Seven and Officer Runt wait for the superhero.

Hillary Clinton is Outside Your Window

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to a phenomenon that only affects inhabited structures in extremely isolated or inhospitable locations.

During an occurrence of SCP-XXXX, instances of SCP-XXXX-A will will appear outside windows or other viewing ports of said structures, such that they can be viewed by numerous people within. Instances of SCP-XXXX-A resemble naked men, albeit with the heads of famous women from various periods of history. They do not move like normal humans, but ambulate with crustacean-like movements.

+ Example occurrence of SCP-XXXX

//The following instance of SCP-XXXX occurred on January 12, 1962, at Camp Century¹¹. It appeared to a group of Army personnel as well as Dr. Yelnats, a Foundation representative visiting the base. //

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Osseosexual

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-XXXX-A are currently stored in Safe-class Containment Locker 128-B in Site-42. Mobile Task Force Lambda-19 ("Flapjacks") has been dispatched to locate instances of SCP-XXXX-B that appear and take them into custody. Instances of SCP-XXXX-B are to be kept in sterile humanoid containment cells, and interaction with these instances is to be performed in a sterile environment on par with modern ICUs. No substances containing calcium (see Document XXXX-A for a list) are to be brought into a cell containing an instance of SCP-XXXX-B.

Description: SCP-XXXX-A is the designation for a zipper, that when placed on the navel and rolled upwards to the neck, enables the user to extricate themselves from their entire integumentary system and most of their muscular system (with the exception of ligaments and joints), without blood loss, in a manner similar to removing an anorak and pants. Although their visceral organs, skeletal system, and other organ systems are wholly exposed, affected individuals (hereby termed SCP-XXXX-B) experience no adverse side effects. Instances of SCP-XXXX-B usually try to persuade people to use SCP-XXXX-A, but are pacifistic and do not make violent attempts at coercion, though they are extremely persistent. Persuasion attempts most commonly take the form of brochures, door-to-door salesmanship, timeshare sales pitches, and other such media.

**All instances of SCP-XXXX-B have certain benefits, such as the ability to take on the appearance of another instance by wearing their skin, (even when their anatomies are incompatible), and the apparent ability to dissolve into a source of calcium and reappear at another source any distance away. They subscribe to a fluid school of thought termed "Osseosexuality", which contains elements of various philosophies and religions such as Hinduism, agnosticism, and socialism. Although no two instances have expressed the exact same views, common themes involve the idea that gender is a mental construct, that living things are part of the same "Collective of Bone", and that all invertebrate organisms must be eliminated with extreme prejudice.

If an instance of SCP-XXXX-B is unable to convert a new instance within a certain amount of time, their non-osseous tissue will start decomposing and the majority of their abilities will disappear, although basic life functions and all cognitive functions remain unchanged. Instances claim that successful conversions will nullify and reverse the degradation.**

Addendum: Interactions with SCP-XXXX-B

//From 04/13/██ to 07/23/██ numerous instances of SCP-XXXX-B arrived at Dr. Venkatraman's house and interacted with him. Attached are //

SCP-XXXX-B: Good afternoon, Mr. Venkatraman! I can tell that you have urgent business to attend to, so I'll be brief. I don't want to sell you anything; I just want to talk. You must be feeling very stressed: it's clear that a lot of people depend on you every day, and that responsibility must be crushing. I just want to know; what's on your mind today?

Venkatraman: Er, is this some kind of promotional stunt?

SCP-XXXX-B: Oh, no no no! I'm serious. Think of me as a rubber duck. What's on your mind today?

Venkatraman: This is free? What are you doing this for? No strings attached? No catch?

SCP-XXXX-B: I'd like to think I have more integrity than that. This is simply being neighborly. There must be something eating away at you. Why not let others know? It's not weakness to ask for help.

Venkatraman: Well, uh, thank you, but I'm not interested.

SCP-XXXX-B: That's a shame. Alright, thank you for your time!

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

GRU-P Format

Operation: 1343-TUNGUSKA CURRENT FILE

Analysis: 1343-TUNGUSKA is an ongoing operation to retrieve the сила, an abandoned Soviet spacecraft currently in orbit around Jupiter's moon Callisto, and recover the anomalous technology within. The 134th Spetsnaz Division has been assigned to recover the сила. To assist in their mission, the 134th has been equipped with directed-energy pulse weaponry as well as OZK-modified EVA suits intended for untethered spacewalks. Their objective is to clear out any hostiles onboard, reactivate the FTL systems on the сила, and steer it to Landing Base Gamma.

Background:
The сила was the first true interstellar-capable vessel created by any organization, but its existence was kept a secret due to political concerns by the Division. The сила was initially conceived in 1936 via information from the psychic branch of the ЧД АКН. Detailed documentation about the schematics of the vessel is heavily classified and currently being recovered, but it is known that the station was powered by a reactor utilizing an unknown radioactive object described as "the heart of a зверь". In addition, by utilizing anomalous technology captured from the Foundation, the сила was able to enter faster-than-light travel while comfortably sustaining up to 100 crewmen indefinitely. Division S developed the first computers in the world that used transistor technology, which were used to control the spacecraft so that it could be manned by a skeleton crew.

Eight cosmonauts, Alexei Ledowsky, Ivan Kachur, Vladimir Komarov, Gennady Zavadovsky, Vladislav Volkov, Georgiy Dobrovolsky, Viktor Patsayev, and Valentin Bondarenko, were assigned to and trained to operate the сила. Although they were assigned to other flights, publicly, in some cases, they were replaced by dissidents who were then terminated and expunged from records.

Upon completion in 1968, the сила's first mission was to investigate an anomaly on the surface of Callisto. It was initially launched from a classified Russian site within the Tunguska crater in Krasnoyarsk Krai, and engaged the FTL systems immediately upon entering the upper atmosphere. It is currently unknown how the launch was concealed from American spy satellites. Post-launch investigation postulates that the сила briefly traveled back in time due to the activation of said systems, so that its launch occurred before the existence of orbiting satellites. Upon automatic deactivation of the FTL systems, the сила entered orbit around Callisto in 1968.

Send in the Clowns

Item #: SCP-2480

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:Investigation is currently ongoing as to the origins of SCP-2480. Negative depictions of clowns are to be seeded into all forms of popular media. Mobile Task Force Iota-19 ("All the King's Men") has been formed to investigate all Fossor events and capture an instance of SCP-2480-1 if possible. SCP-2480 witnesses are to be given Class B Amnestics. Instances of SCP-2480-1 are to remain undisturbed until a Fossor event has concluded.

Description: SCP-2480 refers a global phenomenon that affects all towns that either host or have previously hosted a circus event with clowns. SCP-2480 appears specifically to children, and varies depending on their perception of clowns. Depending on the child's perception of clowns, SCP-2480 will appear either as a person with exaggerated facial features

Silicaworld

<Eskobar>: I would really recommend figuring out what components of the information about this world are really and truly necessary and sticking the rest either into supplements or collapsibles, because what's there is a /lot/ for a reader to take in.

<Eskobar>: Also, you need (if you don't already have one) some idea of how this thing formed, how /long/ it's been around, and — and here's the important part — if air is passing back and forth through this thing.


<Eskobar>: Animals are getting through, I guess plants are getting through, but there should be a major wind current going here to bring the O2 and CO2 levels to equilibrium. By which I mean, poisoning our atmosphere with greenhouse pollutants.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is currently in the possession of ██████ █████████ █████████, a Foundation front company. SCP-XXXX is contained behind a 3 meter barbed wire fence that spans its length. Outpost-57 has been established on this side of SCP-XXXX to monitor SCP-XXXX-Alpha. Outpost-58 has been established on SCP-XXXX-Alpha to investigate and catalogue all features of SCP-XXXX-Alpha, help prevent organisms from crossing through SCP-XXXX, and act as a backup site for critical data.

Civilians are to be turned away from SCP-XXXX, using Cover Story 43 (Critically Endangered Species Preserve). In the event that a civilian enters SCP-XXXX-Alpha, they are to be given Class-A amnestics and returned to Outpost-57. In the event that civilian retrieval be impossible or the civilian is killed, Cover Story 196 (Shark Attack) is to be used to cover up the disappearance. Any organism that crosses over from SCP-XXXX-Alpha is to be immediately captured or killed using gunfire or sedatives (refer to Document SCP-XXXX-Alpha-2 for more information). Specimens should be transferred to Biological Research Area-12 for cryogenic storage.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a two-dimensional elliptical space-time aperture located in [REDACTED], with an area of 144 square meters. Although SCP-XXXX is invisible and intangible, it is possible to enter SCP-XXXX. Although subjects do not sense any changes upon entering SCP-XXXX, they are immediately transported to SCP-XXXX-Alpha.

USE PERCENTAGES FOR ATMOSPHERIC COMPOSITION
It's really too generalized.
<Deleterious>: It needs to be more catalogued, if you will.
<A_Random_Day>: Alright, more speciic
<A_Random_Day>: Thanks
<BlackWing>: Underground oceans
<A_Random_Day>: Exactly what would you suggest I specify
<Silber>: morning
<Deleterious>: Something like "thus far, researches have detected the presence of no less than five (5) aqueous salt lakes in the initial 1,000 sq km that encompass the entry point".
<Deleterious>: Or something to that effect.
<Deleterious>: It fleshes out the world a bit
<Deleterious>: Also, it's more scientific.

SCP-XXXX-Alpha is a desert world comprised primarily of land with limited water sources. Its atmosphere is similar to Earth's (78% nitrogen, 15% oxygen, 4% carbon dioxide, 4% trace amounts of other gases) . Various seas and lakes dot the planet. Although typically freshwater, portions of these water sources are salt water as well. These salt- and fresh-water areas are often contiguous with each other and should mix, but appear to be separated by an as-yet unidentified barrier. Seas are also separated by islands, thin land bridges, or small ice sheets. These islands and land bridges are typically composed of extremely fertile soil populated by microorganisms functionally similar to Earth unicellular life, but devoid of multicellular flora. SCP-XXXX-Alpha's sun appears to be a G-type main sequence star. Two major seas and three major deserts have been identified. Exploration and mapping of the remainder of the planet is ongoing (for a full atlas and maps, see Document SCP-XXXX-Alpha-1).

Because it is mostly land, SCP-XXXX-Alpha is subject to climates and phenomena such as heat lightning and dust hurricanes. The hydrosphere is primarily inhabited by amphibious organisms that display similarities to terrestrial desert lizards and fish, such as gills and tough, scaly skin. Fish, arthropods, and plankton that display similarities to terrestrial organisms have been observed thriving in SCP-XXXX-Alpha's hydrosphere, being preyed on by the local fauna. Very little flora exists, all of it in the hydrosphere. The flora observed primarily resemble yellow water lilies (Nuphar lutea) and algae, being of comparable size to their terrestrial analogues. However, some carnivorous plants that resemble Venus flytraps (Dionaea muscipula) and cobra lilies (Darlingtonia californica) have been observed in swamps and on beaches, preying on fish and arthropods.

The lithosphere of SCP-XXXX-Alpha is home to organisms that display few similarities to Earth organisms. These organisms appear to have evolved over an extremely short time into organisms that cannot be easily classified into traditional phyla, only sharing similarities with annelids and arthropods. The majority of these organisms are carnivorous, owing to the lack of fauna in the terrestrial biosphere; however, some terrestrial organisms have also developed photosynthetic and chemosynthetic capabilities. Many of these organisms reproduce asexually, in contrast to the aquatic organisms, which primarily reproduce sexually.

Because of the location of SCP-XXXX, there are several documented incidents of aquatic and terrestrial SCP-XXXX-Alpha organisms entering into primary Earth. Organisms that cross over must be captured or terminated as soon as possible. Tranquilizer weapons are ineffective due to the tough skin inherent to most organisms. In the majority of cases gunfire or gaseous sedatives must be used to terminate or incapacitate specimens (For a full list of catalogued organisms and sedatives appropriate them, see Document SCP-XXXX-Alpha-2).

Underwater ROV reconnaissance of the Tethys Ocean has revealed the presence of what appear to be artificial structures buried at the seafloor. Areas that house these structures are heavily polluted and radioactive. Dr. S████ has requested resources for a manned exploration of the Tethys Ocean.

 10/101010 CLEARANCE REQUIRED. PLEASE ENTER LOGIN INFORMATION

Following the initial containment of SCP-XXXX, Mobile Task Force Gamma-4 "Bunny Hoppers" investigated and entered SCP-XXXX. Upon exiting into SCP-XXXX-Alpha, MTF Gamma-4 encountered a Foundation vessel, the SCPS Cetus, that was beached ███ kilometers from SCP-XXXX. Although the vessel was in good condition, investigation revealed that the majority of its passengers had died either from starvation, thirst, or self-inflicted wounds. SCP-XXXX-Alpha organisms had taken residence within the Cetus, and caused heavy damage to the ship's infrastructure. While the majority of the ship's data was unrecoverable due to the degradation of computer systems, the following document was retrieved in its current state along with other remnants of information from the Cetus:

Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Euclid Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is currently in the possession of > ██████ █████████ █████████, a Foundation front company. SCP-XXXX is contained behind a 3 meter barbed wire fence that spans its length. Outpost-57 has been established at SCP-XXXX to monitor SCP-XXXX-Alpha. Outpost-58 has been established at SCP-XXXX-Alpha to investigate and catalogue all features of SCP-XXXX-Alpha, help prevent Epsilon events, and act as a backup site for [DATA CORRUPTED] killed, Cover Story 196 (Serial Killer) is to be used to cover up the disappearance. Any organism that causes an Epsilon event is to be immediately captured or killed. Specimens s [DATA CORRUPTED] rch Area-12 for cryogenic storage.

Following Incident SCP-XXXX-2, all land within a 10-kilometer radius has been purchased by ██████ █████████ █████████ to aid in containment. Mobile Task Force Rho-17 "Bug Catchers" has been estab [DATA CORRUPTED] XX-3, Outpost-58 has been abandoned. Research is ongoing to halt the spread of SCP-XXXX.

Following Incident SCP-XXXX-4, all land within a 200-kilometer radius has been abandoned. Research is currently ongoing to halt the spread of SCP-XXXX.
Following Incident SCP-XXXX-5, [DATA EXPUNGED] has been abandoned. Containment efforts are focused on the capture and termination of all Epsilon organisms. Evacuation effort [DATA CORRUPTED] tious pathogen. Mass casualties reported. Sites [DATA CORRUPTED] considered lost.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a three-dimensional spherical space-time aperture located in [REDACTED]. It is approximately 289 cubic meters. Although SCP-XXXX is invisible and intangible, it is possible to enter SCP-XXXX and exit in SCP-XXXX-Alpha.

SCP-XXXX-Alpha is a parallel Earth; however, it dis[DATA CORRUPTED]mes and new features. For example, the Pacific Desert bridges the Eurasian and North American Oceans.

Satellite launches from Outpost-57 indicate no differences between any other astronomical features in the SCP-XXXX-Alp [DATA CORRUPTED] locked, SCP-XXXX-Alpha is subject to unique climates and phenomena ranging from heat lightning, dust hurricanes, [REDACTED]. It also hosts a unique ecosystem.Although many unicellular organisms are the same on both SCP-XXXX-Alpha and Earth, there are significant ecological differences. No multicellular organisms from Earth have been located. The hydrosphere is primarily inhabited by amphibious organisms that display similarities to terrestrial de [DATA CORRUPTED] ere. The flora observed primarily resemble yellow water lilies (Nuphar lutea) and algae, being of comparable size to their terrestrial analogues. However, [DATA CORRUPTED] organisms entering into primary Earth have been recorded and classified as Epsilon events. Because these organisms have the potential to heavily disrupt the Earth's b [DATA CORRUPTED] aste that are located along the eastern edge of the North American Ocean and the far western edge of the Eurasian Ocean. In addition, various hydrospheric and lithospheric zones are populated by heavily mutated and anomalous organisms that display few to no characteristics with any other organisms in SCP-XXXX-Alpha or Earth, ins [DATA CORRUPTED] are the result of [DATA EXPUNGED].

Preliminary investigation into SCP-XXXX-Alpha indicates a maj [DATA CORRUPTED] served human and Earth animal remains can [DATA CORRUPTED] heaviest pollution. Dr. S████ has requested unmanned exploration of the Eurasian and African Oceans.

Incident Log SCP-XXXX-1: On ██/██/██, SCP-XXXX abruptly expanded into a 3-dimensional sphere. Following this, it grew [DATA CORRUPTED] inside the aperture no longer led to SCP-XXXX-Alpha; instead it was an area of ground on primary Earth that was affected by the lithospheric shift.

Incident Log SCP-XXXX-2: On ██/██/██, SCP-XXXX expanded exponentially to 7.29*10^8 cubic meters. All land within affected by lithospheric shift. Object class changed to Euclid. All land within 20 kilometers purchased by ██████ █████████ █████████ to aid in containment. Mobile Task Force Rho-17 "Bug Catchers" established to aid in containment of Epsilon events.

Incident Log SCP-XXXX-3: On ██/██/██, SCP-XXXX expanded exponentially to [DATA CORRUPTED] affected by lithospheric shift. All land within 150 kilometers of SCP-XXXX purchased by ██████ █████████ █████████ to aid in containment. Object redesignated Keter.

Incident Log SCP-XXXX-4: [DATA CORRUPTED]

Incident Log SCP-XXXX-5: [DATA CORRUPTED] All Foundation resources have been reassigned to recapture all escaped anomalies and assist in relief efforts following [DATA EXPUNGED]. At the current rate of expansion, SCP-XXXX-Alpha will fully encompass the planet within ██ days.

Kill All Humans

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is currently contained within Site-345, at the bottom of Containment Shaft Delta-13. Once every twelve hours, a live cow is to be dropped into Containment Shaft Delta-13.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a 1.75 meter tall automaton. The top of SCP-XXXX contains thirty sensors magnetically suspended 10 centimeters above the central base in a rhombic triacontahedron pattern with a radius of 0.25 meters. Twelve of the sensors are non-anomalous and have had their functions and mechanisms identified (see Document SCP-XXXX-2 for further details), but the function and operating principles of the remaining eighteen sensors has yet to be discerned. Suspended within the rhombic triacontahedron is a device tentatively identified as a quantum computer, which serves as the primary CPU of SCP-XXXX, but appears to have been damaged by some kind of blunt impact. All attempts to separate the CPU from SCP-XXXX have failed.

The body of SCP-XXXX is a 1 meter tall cylinder 0.5 meters in diameter constructed of an unknown metal. The inside of the cylinder does not adhere to three-dimensional space, as SCP-XXXX uses the cylinder to store various attachments and arms that could not all fit into the space.

Perfect Gödel Metric

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The remains of SCP-XXXX-1 are currently in cryogenic storage at Site-42. The bag found with SCP-XXXX-1 is stored in a Level 1 security locker in Wing 345 of Site-42. The manuscripts found with SCP-XXXX-1 are stored in the Archive Wing of Site-42, with digital copies available upon request.

SCP-XXXX-3 is currently in the possession of the Site-42 Engineering Division for reverse-engineering. Digital copies of the documentation within SCP-XXXX-3 are located in the Archive Wing of Site-42. The Site-42 Engineering Division is currently collaborating with the Foundation Department of Temporal Anomalies to ensure normal progression of the timeline during this time.

Minor Task Force Iota-16 ("A Sight of Lightning") is instructed with combing historical records for potential indications of the late D-17263. For more information, see the current head of Iota-16.

Description: SCP-XXXX-1 refers to the remains of a 15-year old male of unknown ethnicity that were originally discovered in the Australian Outback 15 kilometers from the town of ██████. Analysis of the remains (which are approximately 550 years old) indicates damage consistent with ionizing radiation, blunt trauma, explosive decompression, and high-speed collision. A damaged leather bag containing several burnt manuscripts in an unknown language was found two meters from SCP-XXXX's remains.

SCP-XXXX-2 was a handheld apparatus found alongside SCP-XXXX's remains, that consists of a modified brass key-wind, key-set pocket watch consistent with 16th century European design. The pocket watch itself is non anomalous, but it contains technology far in advance of both 16th and 21st century knowledge: a miniaturized atomic clock powered by a high-efficiency beta voltaic cell (which contains an unknown, highly radioactive element) that is linked to what appears to be a quantum computer utilizing TFET transistors, and a [REDACTED].

The structures inside SCP-XXXX-2 cannot be studied at this time, but analysis of comparable structures (such as SCP-████) indicates that the quantum computer within utilizes the [REDACTED] to force an area of immediate, localized space-time to adhere to the solution of the Gödel metric¹². The atomic clock is hypothesized to act as a calibration device.

SCP-XXXX-3 is a damaged tablet computer of unknown make. The damage to SCP-XXXX-3 is similar to that of SCP-XXXX-1, although SCP-XXXX-3 is still functional. The technology within SCP-XXXX-3 is non-anomalous, but consistent with projects currently in development by certain Foundation assets, specifically [REDACTED]. Operating under this assumption, the Site-42 Engineering Division was able to activate the computer and transfer the files to the Site-42 database. The files contained within the tablet are a mixture of archaic English and various unknown languages. Translation is ongoing.

Addendum: Incident XXXX-1:

On ██/██/██, D-14532 was testing SCP-XXXX-2 under the supervision of Dr. Ramakrishnan, seeking to discern how to operate the device. While testing, D-14532 dropped the object on accident. The device broke upon hitting the ground. D-14532 reported that SCP-XXXX-2 was sparking slightly and making a crackling sound before it, D-14532, and a portion of the testing chamber disappeared. Dr. Ramakrishnan was mostly unharmed, but had to be treated for minor temporal dysfunction (specifically, his excretory system began functioning in reverse).

 Excerpts from SCP-XXXX-3

Atlantis of the Sands

current critique

Mango tree turns people into reality benders who built the city…

Item #: SCP-2790

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The area within a 50 kilometer radius of SCP-2790 has been cordoned off and designated a no-fly zone under the pretext of a nuclear disposal facility.
Research on deactivating SCP-2790's power source is underway. Data regarding SCP-2790's technology is to remain classified to all Level-4 and below personnel. SCP-2790's coordinates must be scrubbed from all satellite images and replaced using Foundation webcrawlers LETHE 007-013.

Description: SCP-2790 is an abandoned city currently hovering approximately 3 kilometers above a sinkhole (2.5 kilometers above sea level) in the Rub' al Khali desert, and is currently ascending at the rate of 5 meters per day. Radiometric dating indicates that the city has been abandoned since at least 65,000 BCE, but its architecture incorporates elements of Late Pre-Classic Mesoamerican, Early Common Era Indian, [DATA EXPUNGED]. Presumably as a result of cooperation with [DATA EXPUNGED], the city possesses technology far in advance of modern standards.

SCP-2790 rests atop four cylindrical structures, each exactly 67.331 meters tall with a circumference of exactly 42.236 meters, which resemble enormous scramjet engines but are completely sealed. Radiometric imaging shows that each structure is completely hollow with the exception of a [DATA EXPUNGED], which appears to power both the engine and SCP-2790's infrastructure.

The buildings within SCP-2790 are arranged in a spiral pattern, with building height increasing closer to the center. The city's condition is random and inconsistent: some sections are perfectly preserved, while adjacent sections have been heavily damaged by environmental conditions over time and overrun by plants not classified in any known taxa¹³. It is populated by highly advanced robots, designed [DATA EXPUNGED]. None of the functioning robots respond to attempted interaction, focusing entirely on maintaining the areas they inhabit. All of the buildings of the city are decorated with murals, carvings, [DATA EXPUNGED] (which are only active in the north) in various states of wear.

Most of the surviving artwork in SCP-2790 depicts cephalopod organisms arriving in pillars of light to a primitive human tribe, creating and directing construction of the city's architecture and technology, and initiating a process of [DATA EXPUNGED] within the humans. Notably, all pieces that depict these cephalopods also depict an almost perfectly accurate model of the solar system complete with moons, albeit showing a smaller Earth, no asteroid belt, and extra planets between Mars and Jupiter and past Neptune. Other pictures show diagrams of the greater Milky Way as well as several neighboring galaxies, albeit with alterations to shape, size, or relative position.

Ideas

SCP 2971 appears to be a teenage girl with vines wrapping around her legs and arms as well as her midsection and neck. She appears to have bicolored eyes and honeysuckle yellow hair. she was found in ███████, Louisiana in late August of 2014. She seems to be relatively calm and is allowed to roam freely around Site ██. If she is provoked, however, she will attack w
11:09 PM <ARD> I want to do a rewrite of this
11:10 PM <ARD> where the girl has an autoerotic asphyxiation fetish so the Foundation has to keep her from accidentally killing herself with her vines

ARD> djkaktus - when you sarkic but she still sucking
ARD> Shit have I told you guys about my idea for a sarkicism parody
6:32 PM <ARD> A gimp cult called "Sukkicism" devoted to giving people the best blowjobs of their life
6:32 PM <ARD> Indulging in the pleasures of the flesh
djkaktus> ARD: please do
ARD> the mandatory exploration log is gonna end with "She's… she's approaching me… she's unzipping my pants… HER HEAD IS BOBBING DOWN… IT'S FULL OF STARS"

idea: lolicon gangster syndicate that's terrorized multiple star syndicates written up as SH format
*star systems
madoka from magical madoka is like Michael Corleone from the godfather with a kyubey's head in her enemies' beds
<•Zyn> hahaha SH format is in the form of a wanted poster
do it do it do it
<ARD> they look cute and loli to lure people into being suckered by the gang
<•Zyn> one of the footnotes is IF I WAKE UP FROM SUB-SPACESLUMBER WITH ANOTHER ONE OF MY GLARPHARZK'S HEADS IN MY POD

<ARD> mirror-thing that squirrels eat - insta upvote
•shayshay> ard: mirror-thing that squirrels eat sounds great
<ARD> the mirror thing is deathly afraid of squirrels so whenever a squirrel gets near it opens a portal to send the squirrels to a tree
<ARD> quikngruvn yeah but these are just fucking regular squirrels
New World - eastern grey squirrel
they climb trees, fuck other squirrels, and eat their own reflections
you know, squirrel things
they're regular fucking squirrels, that's the thing
it's an SCP that gets eaten by squirrels
quikngruvn - no see, the squirrels do their regular squirrel thing and it just so happens that in the process they hunt down and savagely murder and feed on the SCP
that squirrel that steals from your bird feeder? It's the fucking Genghis Khan to SCP mirror thing's China
It is a normal fucking squirrel that does normal squirrel things. these normal squirrel things also include hunting down and killing SCP-mirror-things and then feasting on their corpses

I just want to see Tsundere Mekhane and Sendai Yaldabaoth
I'm thinking harem comedy script involving mekhane, the DEER, scarlet queen (yeah scarlet king's twin sister) , possibly 343 (don't let it be said that i am not progressive)
Yaldabaoth is a transfer student to Seraphic Academy
And his host family is The Hanged King and St. Alagadda
No no his host mother is St. Alagadda
Hanged King is his host father
so the SK doesn't want his little sis going after yaldabaoth and challenges him to a fight
yaldabaoth wants nothing to do with it but SK trips himself up by accident so yaldabaoth wins
everyone thinks he kicked SK's ass so that only makes him more attractive to the queen
meanwhile he just wants to go about his business turning the universe into a giant tumor
Oh I forgot the toaster
it's gonna be like wash bucket from Futurama
"yaldabaoth. i love you. i have always loved you." "it would be sweet but in the back of our minds we'd know I'm a god and you cook bread to brown perfection. go now."

Eventually a meme becomes so dense that it collapses under its own informational gravity and becomes an antimeme

It's a doctor connected to a Keter-class [DATA EXPUNGED], the size and danger of which is linked to how many people he perceives are paying attention to him. Kept in a virtual reality designed by himself in which everyone ignores him. Suicidal tendencies after awhile… reload a save file and let him repeat his life over and over without any memory of the event. Maybe gaining awareness of his state?

A robot that actively seeks out and kills all humans it sees. Except it thinks that everything NOT human is human. Also it's an intergalactic exterminator droid that was hired by something on the planet…

Pimples that sprout radio towers. And the towers are controlled by the Republic of Comedo who are doing something…

Two people who meet for the first time and forget each other and remeet the next day and so on…

A thunderstorm whose lightning strikes are actually neurons firing of a giant entity's brain…

A movie studio that is run by goblins. They absorb energy from the fear and excitement of humans.

A man who is always at the site of accidents but is trying to stop them before he gets captured by the Foundation…

A stepped pyramid in the middle of an abandoned ruin, which when slept in, creates a civilization of one's dreams…

A bipedal organism that creates bubbles of reality around it. These bubbles are populated by mental constructs that resemble the organism that utilize primitive technology. It turns out that this organism is a human, seen from the perspective of a different Foundation. All of humanity is just a construct by this one lonely human.

SCP Basic Template

[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

██████████

**Item #:** SCP-XXXX

**Object Class:** Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

**Special Containment Procedures:** [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

**Description:** [Paragraphs explaining the description]

**Addendum:** [Optional additional paragraphs]

[[collapsible show="+ Show whatever" hide="- Hide whatever"]]
Whatever text to show/hide.
[[/collapsible]]

Footnotes

1. likely referring to an online webcomic called the Bong-Cheon Dong Ghost, which acquired internet fame for an abrupt jump scare that takes temporary control of the web page

2. it is unclear if this was John B. Gordon, the 53rd governor of Georgia

3. at the time of SCP-XXXX's neutralization, only sixty percent of the town's residents were literate

4. Both individuals died of blood loss from multiple gunshot wounds to the chest

5. A traditional South Asian women's garment that typically consists of a drape worn over the shoulder, baring the midriff.

6. DESCARTES was designed as an alternative to Foundation interrogation methods, being able to parse terabytes of information within seconds with minimal resource expenditure.

7. The instance was recaptured soon after in the Site-42 Armory

8. DESCARTES was designed as an alternative to Foundation interrogation methods, being able to parse terabytes of information within seconds with minimal resource expenditure.

9. Known Aliases: Your Demise, The Greatest Ape, Supreme Overlord of All He Surveys, What a Cute Widdle Guy

10. Known Aliases: The Bone Train, Humerus Business, Got a Bone to Pick With Ya, Lenny

11. A United States military base built under the Greenland ice sheet as cover for development of missile silos aimed at Soviet countries. Camp Century was abandoned after it was discovered that the movement of the surrounding glacier would crush the base.

12. The Gödel metric is an exact solution to the Einstein field equations that describe the fundamental interactions of gravity and space-time. The Gödel metric solutions imply the existence of closed time-like curves, which would theoretically allow for movement through time.

13. Samples of the plant life have revealed colonies of SCP-2526 present, although none of the phenomena typically associated have occurred; it is hypothesized that SCP-2526 and the native flora exist in a symbiotic relationship.