SCP Sandbox Wiki II

+ All Tales by A Random Day

SCPs

+ All Hubs by A Random Day

Tales

+ All coauthored articles featuring A Random Day

Hubs

Page	Authors
SCP-150	Decibelles
SCP-3000	djkaktus, Joreth
SCP-4220	The Great Hippo
Overheard at Deer	ch00bakka
Samsara	TyGently
Chicago Spirit Hub	PeppersGhost

More by The Great Hippo:

SCPs

– hide block

SCPs
[SCP-3034]	*The Counting Station*
DO NOT LET HER FINISH
[SCP-3035]	*Science Bugs*
case_of_the_mondays.png, case_of_the_mondays (1).png
[SCP-3054]	*Cragstaff Sanitarium*
You are sick. You are broken. We will fix you.
[SCP-3045]	*bzzip.exe*
HAMLET: I am no longer moody.
[SCP-3043]	*Murphy Law in… Type 3043 — FOR MURDER!*
Forget it, Fred. It's Chinatown.
[SCP-3057]	*Fossil Fuels*
…witnesses provided confirmation that instances of SCP-3057-4 did, in fact, have feathers.
[SCP-2639]	*Video Game Violence*
i need to know how many people i've killed
[SCP-437]	*Summer of '91*
That was a pretty crazy summer, y'know? Sometimes I really miss that place.
[SCP-3079]	*300 Tricks: Stage Magic Made Easy*
NOTE: No method for accomplishing this trick is provided.
[SCP-2753]	*Let's Play Jenga!*
High art carries high risk!
[SCP-2679]	*The Many Graves of Jeannette Parslov*
Whatever it takes, do what you must; whatever the cost, come back to us.
[SCP-3074]	*Kafka's Parking Garage*
Thank you for choosing Izatova Parking Center. Have a pleasant day.
[SCP-2571]	*Cragglewood Park*
Mr. Blair, have you always been an only child?
[SCP-2419]	*The Laughing Men*
Throw them back into the incinerator where you found them.
[SCP-3143]	*Murphy Law in… The Foundation Always Rings Twice!*
When it comes right down to it, me — them — hell, even you — we're all just characters in that trashy dime-store novel called life.
[SCP-3089]	*That Old Time Religion*
Remember how we explained that successful people don't actually need any of their toes to walk? Well, that's going to come in handy for Secret Number Six.
[SCP-3117]	*A Monster-Shaped Hole*
I'm not talking to you.
[SCP-3128]	*Let's Play Monopoly!*
Hey, guys? I'm, uh. I'm using this.
[SCP-3138]	*A Sepulcher by the Sea*
Should it prove feasible, all non-canonical corpses are to be extracted, examined, and catalogued.
[SCP-3241]	*The SS Sommerfeld*
It makes me wonder what an old monster like myself is even doing here, anymore. And then? Someone special comes along and reminds me.
[SCP-3219]	*This Sour Earth*
Notably, no reports describe any attempt to examine the residence's storm cellar.
[SCP-4028]	*La Historia de Don Quixote de la Mancha*
Justine eventually re-unites with her sister, Juliette. Alonso strikes down a lightning bolt intended for them both, then challenges the narrator to a duel.
[SCP-3546]	*Doggone it, I Fold!*
Specifically, fan-art of Sonic the Hedgehog, a video-game character produced by Sega in 1991.
[SCP-3561]	*An Unfinished Work*
Despite multiple reports from neighbors who claimed to have witnessed members of his family standing at the windows, no trace of Theodore Holdstock's wife and children could be found.
[SCP-4054]	*The Seventh Door*
SCP-4054 is The Seventh Door, an unlicensed platform adventure game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1988.

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More information

rating: 0+x

{Fig 1.1:} Site of SCP-XXXX's initial discovery.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: One instance of SCP-XXXX is to be kept within an alligator enclosure with a soil culture that mimics that of Great Britain's temperate forests. Once per week, five live piglets are to be dropped into the enclosure.

Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") is responsible for sightings of SCP-XXXX; they are to kill specimens found in the wild. The Department of Analytics is to track current British children's literature for books that reference portals to fantasy settings and alert Lambda-12 accordingly.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous species of centipede. Fully grown, its total length (from head to anus) is approximately 6.5 meters. It has a pair of soft, extendable keratin flaps which can enclose its body (save for a portion of its head). When these flaps are fully extended, SCP-XXXX's exposed segment roughly resembles the face of an old man (with movement of its pincers simulating motion of the 'mouth' and 'jaw').

SCP-XXXX is native to Great Britain and Ireland. Like most centipedes, it is carnivorous, and spends most of its time burrowing underground. When hunting, it partially emerges from the soil, exposing its head and the middle of its thorax. It then extends its keratin flaps and arranges its lower legs into a semi-circle resembling an upright archway. Via an as-of-yet unknown mechanism, this produces a spatial anomaly that leads directly into its stomach. Once prey enters, the anomaly closes; paralytic enzymes combined with powerful acids are used to subdue and digest them over a period of several days. After consuming a sufficient quantity of meat, SCP-XXXX instances will often burrow and hibernate for periods as long as several years.

SCP-XXXX uses two mechanisms to lure prey into its stomach. The first is the emission of a pheromone that induces mild euphoria, suppresses fear, and encourages curiosity in warm-blooded mammals. The second is a sound that also functions as its mating call: It produces a repeating series of recognizable English phrases that resemble a heroic speech (typically describing a quest or prophecy that must be fulfilled by entering 'the archway'). These calls last up to three minutes before repeating. Although each centipede's call is unique, no variation in a single centipede's call has been recorded over its lifetime.

SCP-XXXX was first discovered in 1950 following a Foundation investigation into several disappearances reported in the town of Belfast, Northern Ireland. Agents noted the presence of DNA from several missing parties in animal leavings discovered in a nearby wooded grotto; the ensuing excavation uncovered three hibernating SCP-XXXX instances along with dropping piles containing the bones of over seventy children.

Original author: Atticus Birkett

rating: 0+x

Item: SCP-4553

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP 4553 is meant to be observed from a
5-foot distance hung on a wall. It should not have any other object, animate or inanimate, inside its containment cell without supervision and at least two guards on duty. It should be kept at approximately 5.4 feet off the ground at all times. A constant light source should be kept on SCP 4553 outside of testing.

Description: SCP 4553 Is a taxidermied deer’s anus with a wolf’s eyes, mouth, and fangs that have been sewn onto it. While 4553 is not inherently dangerous while in company with others, once eye contact with 4553 is lost, all animate and inanimate objects within the same room as 4553 have a wolf’s eyes, mouth, and fangs taxidermied onto either their face, if they had one prior to incident, or directly on the (non-humanoid) subject’s front. All subjects victim to this incident become hostile and use their new features to try and attack anyone they come in contact with, this instance is referred to 4553-2. 4553 should under no circumstance come into physical contact with any animate beings. Those that do are to be disposed of through lacerations applied to the facial region until the subject has expired.

Further research of 4553 finds that prolonged exposure to 4335 causes subjects to state discomfort that slowly leads to depression and with longer exposure- attempted suicide. One subject, D-████, became so depressed she intentionally put herself into contact with 4335 knowing she would become an instance of 4553-2 and be disposed of. Further tests of this kind have been permanently banned.

Addendum: Due to 4553's comical appearance, staff assigned to 4553 have adopted it the nickname of A██Wolf. While heavily unencouraged by the foundation, they are permitted usage of this nickname.

While 4553 affects both human, non-human, and inanimate subjects, SCP 4553 will not affect other SCP’s both animate or inanimate.

While 4553 has been shown to cause extreme discomfort and depression amongst subjects with prolonged exposure, in brief exposure, subjects state giddiness and joy, most likely prompted my 4553’s appearance. But even after separation from 4553, subjects start to feel discomfort and depression at the same rate as if they had stayed in the room with 4553. This seems to be prompted by some sort of “realization”, further investigation is required.

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: At this time, the entire known population of SCP-XXXX is contained on-site beneath the Luskil House as per the Posadas-Luthor Treaty. Per the Treaty, they are not expected to re-emerge until 2154. As a contingency measure, the walls of the Luskil House are to be lined with radium-226 to provide false radioactivity readings within the house. Public access to the house has been prevented under the premise that it is located on top of a naturally occurring radon pocket.

The town of ██████ is to remain under surveillance for any incidents or reports of 'mole men' or similar. A detachment of Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") personnel are to remain on permanent watch in ██████ to track down and eliminate stray instances of SCP-XXXX with extreme prejudice.

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to an anomalous subspecies of human tentatively classified as Homo sapiens condylura, which possesses multiple genotypical and phenotypical similarities to the common star-nosed mole (Condylura cristata). The most obvious similarities are the presence of Eimer's organs¹ around the face; other traits distinguishing them from Homo sapiens sapiens include severe depigmentation and longer, thinner appendages and digits optimized for burrowing and digging.

All known instances of SCP-XXXX consider themselves citizens of a nation-state known as the Posadist Republic of New Oklahoma, an underground colony inhabiting a large cave system underneath Luskil House in ██████, Oklahoma that adheres to the principles of Posadism². SCP-XXXX possesses a general level of technological development on par with late-20th-century baseline³ but a capacity for genetic engineering on par with present time. The SCP-XXXX population relies primarily on genetic engineering and in-vitro fertilization to maintain their population, though they indicate that it is a cultural norm rather than a biological defect.

History of SCP-XXXX

According to SCP-XXXX, their society was founded by Mary Luskil, a highly skilled geneticist and the wife of a local oil magnate. Although Luskil's husband funded her research, she failed to receive recognition for her work due to her gender; this, in conjunction with a trip to Latin America in 1965 where she met J. Posadas, led to her radicalization and association with the Fourth International Posadist. In 1971, Luskil's husband died of a heart attack and left her his fortune, which was rapidly consumed by numerous construction projects of an unknown nature in and around the Luskil House.

In public life, Luskil was known as a recluse following her husband's death, who disappeared on July 16, 1975 after a false ballistic missile alert was mistakenly triggered in ██████. It is theorized that Luskil used the inheritance to fund the construction of the complex underneath the Luskil House that would eventually become the site of the Posadist Republic, and went underground during the siren malfunction under the belief that it was the beginning of a nuclear war. Luskil labored in her underground complex for the next decade, genetically engineering SCP-XXXX and developing a political manifesto based on the works of Posadas, until her death in 2000 from a cave-in during the construction of a tunnel to be used for waste disposal.

Foundation Association

SCP-XXXX was first discovered by Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") on 20 July, 1963 after receiving reports of enormous burrows appearing near the Luskil House, which were thought to be tied to an SCP-2810 infestation of prairie dogs in the town. The team encountered a scouting party of SCP-XXXX instances within the house and established first contact protocols, after which a series of negotiations and interviews were conducted to determine the size, purpose, and origin of SCP-XXXX.

PARTICIPANTS:

Albert Luthor, Representative of the Republic of Arnold Fitzwilliams⁴
Joseph Luskil VI, Lead, Scouting Party for the Posadist Republic of New Oklahoma

[BEGIN LOG]

Joseph: You mean there was no nuclear war?

Luthor: According to historical records, Mrs. Luskil went missing after the town's emergency alarm system malfunctioned and activated on accident. She most likely thought it was a real alarm and went underground.

Joseph: It was a false alarm? The Founder's Exodus was a false alarm?

Luthor: Yes.

Joseph: And capitalism. It's still around?

Luthor: The Soviet Union collapsed almost thirty years ago. There are very few socialist states still in existence.

Joseph: Oh. Oh no. What am I going to do?

Luthor: Is everything alright?

Joseph: Oh. Oh yes, everything is fine. The surface world has been struggling under capitalism for seventy years and the founder of my society was a crackpot and she made us underground mole people but everything is fine!

Luthor: Don't worry about it.

Joseph: Don't worry about - don't worry about it? What under Earth am I going to tell my comrades?

Luthor: Don't tell them anything. Joseph, what have you told your pe - your comrades about our diplomatic meeting?

Joseph: We haven't. This was supposed to be a reconnaissance mission to measure surface radiation levels - nobody except myself and Paul know about this.

Luthor: Then let's keep it that way. Joseph, here's the way I see it. Nothing good can come of your society discovering that the bedrock of its ideology is a lie. It would tear you apart. Furthermore, the survivors would probably end up on the surface and then we'd have to step in and capture the lot of you. But that would be a lot of time and effort wasted. So here's a better idea - one that will keep both your comrades and my superiors happy.

Joseph: I'm listening.

Per the terms of the Posadas-Luthor Treaty, a small contingent of SCP-XXXX instances are to be informed of the true nature of current human society. These instances in turn will propagate the idea to the rest of the Posadist Republic that the Earth is still contaminated by nuclear radiation. as the result of automated defense systems periodically launching nuclear missiles, and will require 93 more years to decontaminate. To support this idea, the Posadas house has been designated as the official emergence point for SCP-XXXX and has had its walls lined with radioactive material.

Manifesto of Subterra Posadas: The New Age of Man

We are preparing ourselves for a stage in which before the atomic war we shall struggle for power, during the atomic war we shall struggle for power, and after we shall be in power. There is no beginning - there is only an end to atomic war, because atomic war is simultaneous revolution in the whole world, not as a chain reaction, simultaneous.
Simultaneous doesn't mean the same day and the same hour. Great historic events should not be measured by hours or days, but by periods. The working class will maintain itself, [and] will immediately have to seek its cohesion and centralisation. After destruction commences, the masses are going to emerge in all countries – in a short time, in a few hours.

Capitalism cannot defend itself in an atomic war except by putting itself in caves and attempting to destroy all that it can. The masses, in contrast, are going to come out, will have to come out, because it is the only way to survive, defeating the enemy. It will be necessary to organise the workers' power immediately. The apparatus of capitalism, police, army, will not be able to resist.

Nuclear war is revolutionary war. It will damage humanity but it will not – it cannot – destroy the level of consciousness reached by it. Humanity will pass quickly through a nuclear war into a new human society – Socialism.

Yet even Socialism is not immune to the ravages of nuclear fire. The socialist seeks the ascendance of humanity, but she must first undergo the trials of descent. She must hide herself in the bosom of the Earth for untold generations, but she is not a subsurface dweller. She seeks fallout shelters and canned rations, when she should look to nature. Mother Gaia provides for her children - we need only adopt her ways.

Thus do we look to the star-nosed mole. The star-nosed mole provides all the answers; it is fully adapted to the rigors of underground life, with a grace and beauty honed to perfection by terra firma. It knows not competition, only cooperation. It is not fettered to the yoke of capitalism, but digs for its own betterment.

So too must we turn towards and into the star-nosed mole. It will be necessary to shepherd a new race of Man, to safeguard the knowledge and dignity of cooperation, until such time as the nuclear fires have subsided and the apparatuses of capitalism have consumed themselves in the conflagration. Be blessed, you Mole Men, for you are the meek that shall inherit the earth.

Meet Mary Luskil. Brilliant geneticist but a married housewife. Her husband is fucking rich and he bankrolls her work but nobody pays her any attention because she's a woman.
Luskil meets and becomes enamored with Posadist ideology. Nuclear war is imminent, so she works to develop a race of humans who will live underground until the world is not irradiated.
Her husband dies and leaves her all his money - she uses it to build an enormous underground tunnel complex below her mansion.
1968: the alarm sirens go off. Nuclear war is imminent! Mary immediately retreats into her underground complex. Five minutes later, the authorities come by and say "sorry y'all false alarm haha!"
Mary toils underground, perfecting and raising her mole men and indoctrinating them into Posadist ideology.
•Bleepandroid> ARD have them equipped with Fallout-esque tech and you have the perfect article.
Fifty years later, the Foundation accidentally discovers the mole men society while checking out claims that the Luskil mansion is haunted.
The diplomat mole men are baffled to discover that nuclear war never happened and capitalism is still kicking.
This is a big blow to them so they decide to tell the rest of their civilization that there are automated defense systems that keep launching nukes so that the mole people have to stay underground for an indefinite time.
Need to insert Mole Manifesto where the geneticist explains that nuclear war has occurred and the mole men will carry socialism into the future and that for now mankind must live in the darkness rather than die in the light.

•ARD> What baffles me about posadism is that nuclear war would actually fuck the earth up harder than capitalism has ever managed to do
11:48 AM <•ARD> Are they gonna pull a Strangelove and become communist mole men
11:48 AM <•ARD> OH FUCK
11:48 AM <•ARD> SKIP IDEA
11:48 AM <•ARD> Posadist mole men

rating: 0+x

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a standard humanoid containment cell in the Site-42 Low-Threat Wing. SCP-XXXX is currently scheduled for biweekly sessions with a therapist (currently Adileh Khayyam) to treat its excoriation disorder. As part of this treatment, SCP-XXXX has been allotted weekly extraction sessions: during these sessions, the on-duty dermatologist and plastic surgeon will extract the ripened comedones from SCP-XXXX's skin following the procedure outlined in Document XXXX-1. Personnel interacting with SCP-XXXX are encouraged to avoid skin contact.

Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

+ Level 3 Clearance Required

Whatever text to show/hide.

rating: 0+x

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The film reels containing SCP-XXXX are stored in the Site-42 Archival Media Wing. This document is maintained by the GUTENBERG limited artificial intelligence, which continually copies all text in this document into a new file with the same name and overwrites it into the previous file's location in 270-second intervals. Testing with SCP-XXXX has been discontinued at this time; surveillance of the Walt Disney Company legal department is ongoing to ascertain their current awareness of and connections to SCP-XXXX.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a forty-nine minute animated film titled "Ricky Rodent's Great Train Adventure", dated to sometime around 1970. It follows the titular Ricky Rodent, an anthropomorphic black rat, as he misses the departure of a transcontinental train traveling across the United States, on which he has a seat, and attempts to catch up with it at its following stops. Along the way, he foils an attempted robbery and woos Rita Rodentress, a female anthropomorphic black rat. Although the content of the cartoon itself is suitable for adolescents and pre-adolescents, with humor, plot, and visuals described as appealing for both adults and children, individuals who view SCP-XXXX become increasingly uncomfortable, distracted, and agitated as the cartoon progresses.

Typical reactions to the piece involve increasingly disparaging comparisons to the Disney character Mickey Mouse and the belief that SCP-XXXX is a poorly created parody or imitation of Disney cartoons. No viewer of SCP-XXXX has been able to watch it for more than twenty-five minutes of their own volition; individuals forced to watch SCP-XXXX for longer invariably develop anxiety and paranoia centered around the idea that SCP-XXXX has been illegally acquired and that they will soon be arrested for viewing it. Individuals who watch SCP-XXXX for the full forty-nine minute period eventually develop a mild form of transmissible spongiform encephalopathy with some similarities to Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.

Additionally, SCP-XXXX displays potent antimemetic qualities: individuals who stop thinking about SCP-XXXX for more than five minutes immediately forget all information about it. All methods of memory retainment, including Class-Z mnestics, have proven ineffective at helping test subjects retain information about SCP-XXXX. Information recorded about SCP-XXXX, such as handwritten notes, computer files, video recording rapidly degrades over the course of five minutes in a manner similar to SCP-033. The only storage medium for SCP-XXXX that has not degraded is the set of its original film reels.

SCP-XXXX's original film reels were retrieved from the home of [REDACTED] in Ojai, California. Among the materials recovered with SCP-XXXX were accounting bills suggesting that at one point it was being distributed internationally, as well as a cease-and-desist letter from Walt Disney Studios claiming that SCP-XXXX was a violation of its copyright and demanding that [REDACTED]'s animation studio stop producing and selling copies of the film under pain of further litigation. No copies of SCP-XXXX or records of its existence have been located elsewhere.

- Clearance Accepted

SCP-XXXX contains numerous memetic triggers and audiovisual anomalies within the piece that are intended to make the viewer receptive to Fifth Church ideas and teachings; increase their suggestibility to hypnotic techniques and demagoguery; and then introduce Fifth Church teachings subliminally during the film. Several of the triggers are similar in design and function to those present in SCP-1425, to the point that the latter are almost certainly refined versions of the former. Although all of the neuroprogramming triggers in the film are theoretically sound, in practice they are all wholly nonfunctional for as-yet unknown reasons.

In order to determine the intended effects of SCP-XXXX, a member of Mobile Task Force Lambda-7 ("Brain Drain") probed a D-Class personnel who was induced to watch SCP-XXXX in its entirety.

bold text

L3: You don't get it. This isn't a video - it's a vortex, or a - or a toilet. You watch the video and it flushes your critical thinking skills down the drain to the starfish. But the starfish is trapped. It's angry and it's trapped and it's hungry but it can't do anything because there's a mouse clogging the drain.

In light of this excursion, testing with SCP-XXXX has been discontinued. Further containment efforts are to be directed towards the legal department of the Walt Disney company and surveillance of any anomalous undertakings therein.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

+ Brainstorming

- Hide brainstorming

•ARD> Hippo: got an idea earlier today about a sequel to 3640
8:09 PM <•ARD> okay so
8:09 PM <•ARD> mickey mouse is a household name in cartoons, right
8:09 PM <•ARD> well who the fuck were his competitors? surely there would have been some people who tried to parody mickey or rip him off
8:09 PM <•ARD> well, they're gone
8:10 PM <•ARD> because the walt disney L E G A L corporation performed certain acts under the guidance of one Starfish, J.D. to wipe them all from human memory
8:12 PM <Hippo> ARD: the idea of disney's legal department engaging in anti-memetic copyright hijinks (or just wiping out competitors) is a pretty great one yeah
8:14 PM <•ARD> i'm still thinking about how to frame this
8:15 PM <•ARD> the skip would either be a ritual
8:15 PM <•ARD> or a film about a mouse
8:15 PM <•ARD> like "ricky the rat" or something
8:15 PM <•ARD> and people who watch ricky the rat get increasingly uncomfortable with it
8:15 PM <Hippo> hahaha
8:15 PM <•ARD> they can't say why
8:15 PM <Hippo> the seven strangers at a feast of micky mouse knock-off cartoons
8:15 PM <•ARD> in fact, they say that "ricky the rat" is even better than mickey mouse
8:15 PM <•ARD> but they don't like it
8:15 PM <•ARD> because they say it's clearly a mickey knockoff
8:16 PM <•ARD> even though ricky the rat predates mickey
8:17 PM <•ARD> I’m thinking of tying in Psionics Division and your monster shaped hole
8:17 PM <•ARD> People who watch Ricky the rat are super uncomfortable with it
8:17 PM <•ARD> Then they forget it almost immediately
8:17 PM <•ARD> Even when given mnestics
8:17 PM <Hippo> the monster shaped hole? in what sen—*oh*, right
8:17 PM <•ARD> Psionics Division decides to poke around their brain
8:17 PM <Hippo> (I thought you didn't like that one? Not that I mind, I love finding ways to tie things together regardless!)
8:17 PM <•ARD> And there’s a mickey-shaped hole where Ricky should be
8:17 PM <Hippo> haha
8:18 PM <•ARD> Hippo: I mean I don’t but I think it’s worth tying in
8:18 PM <•ARD> I’m a big fan of crosslinks that are planned and make thematic sense
8:18 PM <•ARD> It’s why I mention 280)
8:18 PM <•ARD> 2805
8:18 PM <•ARD> It’s literally THE HEAD OF WALT DISNEY
8:18 PM <Hippo> hahaha, god
8:18 PM <Hippo> metaphysician's skip about the factory
8:18 PM <Hippo> except it's disney-world
8:18 PM <Hippo> and walt disney's head is running the show
8:19 PM <•ARD> Disney Imagineering - the next new GOI
8:19 PM <•ARD> Let’s make it happen
8:19 PM <Hippo> but also yeah I could see that being interesting — I think, like — antimemetics seems like the obvious angle — the angle I would go for/investigate/examine would be more the idea of erasing them retroactively from existence
8:20 PM <Hippo> not that the antimemetics angle/psionics angle is *bad* that has a lot of potential
8:20 PM <•ARD> The main reason I’m not keen on doing that is because I like the idea of Disney always trying to maintain an *image*
8:20 PM <•ARD> Everything they do is designed to trick people
8:20 PM <•ARD> The Utilidors, the costumes, etc
8:21 PM <Hippo> but like, I immediately imagine a Cragglewood Park kind of deal; this cartoon or amusement park or mascot people remember, but doesn't seem to exist
8:21 PM <•ARD> Tbh that’s another reason to not pursue that angle
8:21 PM <•ARD> Cragglewood Park comparisons
8:21 PM <Hippo> Fair enough yeah, there are plenty of things already that are, like
8:21 PM <Hippo> "TV show that people talk about but doesn't seem to exist", ie weryllium's thing too
8:21 PM <•ARD> Plus retrocausal removal is stupidly common on the site
8:22 PM <•ARD> I think it’s much more interesting from a story perspective for Disney to have implemented censorship on the brain
8:22 PM <Hippo> is it? Fair enough! It might just be something *I* haven't encountered v. often (but that could just be a recent thing, too)
8:22 PM <Hippo> through their cartoons, maybe?

rating: 0+x

WELCOME TO SCiPNET DIRECT ACCESS TERMINAL. PLEASE ENTER COMMAND

ssh pcs.noitadnuof|nnyzok#pcs.noitadnuof|nnyzok DoomedKvasirSturlusonChronicled

USER NAME: Nicholas Kozynski
TITLE: Director, Area-67
AUTHENTICATION ACCEPTED. PLEASE ENTER COMMAND

access XXXX -r -m 3

DISPLAYING SCP-XXXX, MAJOR REVISIONS ONLY, CLEARANCE LEVEL 3

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained at Provisional Area-67 in the Australian Outback. SCP-XXXX and at least one psionic operator must be connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) at all times; both parties are to be monitored by medical staff to ensure that they remain healthy and SCP-XXXX remains comatose. The VR should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must be connected to both the Area-67 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

At least two members of Mobile Task Force Lambda-9 ("Mind over Matter") should be stationed onsite to execute the Drainage Protocol at all times and rotated in on six-month shifts; at the end of each shift, the Lambda-9 members are to be treated with the 110-Montauk Personnel course of amnestics⁵.

+ About DESCARTES and the Drainage Protocol

- Level 3 Access Granted

DESCARTES is a prototype virtual reality simulator based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Waldo Schaeffer. When a patient is connected to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality and stimulates the patient's brain to perceive it as real life without any cognizance of their actual life. At the same time, an operator with psionic capabilities can connect to DESCARTES and, aided by the machine, analyze and modify the patient's brain to parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite their memories based on modifiable parameters.⁶. At the conclusion of the session, the operator will then erase the patient's memory of their virtual experience; the operator will retain both their own memory and all memories and emotions extracted from the patient.

SCP-XXXX has been placed in a simulation that replicates its own life according to its memories; the simulation necessarily terminates at the point where SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties manifested, at which point it resets from SCP-XXXX's birth.

The Drainage Protocol entails having the operator continually parse SCP-XXXX's thoughts for anxieties or obsessive thoughts and then extract them before SCP-XXXX can register them. Although Dr. Schaeffer intended the Drainage Protocol to be only a stopgap measure, his research and notes on neutralizing SCP-XXXX were destroyed in an unrelated containment breach⁷. As a result, and in part because of its effectiveness, the Drainage Protocol has remained the primary containment protocol for SCP-XXXX. However, the Drainage Protocol has severe side-effects on the operators involved, typically manifesting as debilitating anxiety and obsession. Because of the rarity of the operators and the loss in psionic efficacy caused by these side effects, amnestic therapy to remove the memory of their shifts as well as all thoughts associated with said shifts has proven to be more cost-effective than traditional therapy.

In the event that the DESCARTES module fails or SCP-XXXX breaks containment regardless, a shaped charge will detonate around SCP-XXXX's head and all surviving members of Psionics Division will perform a sweep of the area to determine whether the meme complex has been neutralized. If not, Overwatch Command is to be notified of an impending EK-Class End-of-Consciousness Scenario.

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to one █████ ██████, a former Foundation Researcher attached to the Psionics Division. Aside from muscular atrophy brought on by its placement in the VR, it is physically non-anomalous.

SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties manifest when it becomes anxious or experiences obsessive thoughts. When it enters these emotional states, it unconsciously generates a highly virulent cognitohazard which rapidly propagates into and infects other humans in a given radius with the same obsessive thoughts and anxieties; the radius of this effect increases with every active state SCP-XXXX enters. Left unchecked, infected subjects will lose their capacity for independent thought, consciousness and unconsciousness, and autonomic motor function over the course of several hours.

If SCP-XXXX's emotional state returns to baseline, the cognitohazardous effect will cease entirely. Any other means of suppressing this cognitohazard's spread fail entirely, though psionically-capable individuals equipped with orichalcum-based protection are capable of resisting the effect for limited amounts of time.

History: Prior to manifesting as an anomaly in 1999, ██████ had suffered from anxiety disorder and obsessive thoughts for several years. Following several unsuccessful treatments, he proposed a radical form of psychotherapy whereupon a member of the Psionics Division would interface with his mind and attempt to quarantine the intrusive thoughts and anxieties. Although the proposal was initially declined, ██████ successfully appealed to have it accepted on the grounds that it would provide greater insights into the field of human-psionic interfacing.

On ██/██/1999, Lambda-9 Agent Mako Amari interfaced with SCP-XXXX and attempted to quarantine or otherwise excise its anxieties and intrusive thoughts; both parties reported that the attempt was successful. Over the next several months, the entire research population of Site-122 began experiencing anxieties and obsessive-compulsive tendencies identical to those experiened by SCP-XXXX. Upon the discovery of this occurrence by the Site-122 psychology department, SCP-XXXX's experiment was immediately flagged and it admitted to having experienced a reoccurrence of its anxieties and obsessive thoughts one week after the interfacing. Agent Amari again interfaced with SCP-XXXX to excise its anxiety and obsessions; upon the completion of this procedure, all members of Site-122 reported the disappearance of their own anxieties and obsessive thoughts.

In light of its newly discovered anomalous tendencies, SCP-XXXX was placed on leave and transferred to quarantine to Site-44A (Foundation Center for Neurological Disease) for study and potential treatment. Three days after the second interfacing, it reported the recurrence of its anxieties and obsessions; despite being quarantined in an electrum-lined cell, it was able to gradually infect all individuals at Site-44A, as well as the neighboring sites 44B and 44C.

A third attempt was made to excise SCP-XXXX's intrusive thoughts and anxieties, this time by Agents Amari, Desmond Lee, and Malcolm Smith simultaneously. Upon completion of the procedure, SCP-XXXX was placed into a medically-induced coma and airlifted to Area-67. One day after its arrival, all staff at Area-67 reported the onset of identical anxieties and obsessive tendencies. Furthermore, over the next week, Foundation webcrawling bots deployed in Australia observed a drastic uptick in Internet searches regarding mental illness and keywords associated with SCP-XXXX's intrusive thoughts.

Due to the Foundation's continuing inability to properly contain SCP-XXXX, researchers discussed the option of neutralization. As an alternative, Dr. Waldo Schaeffer proposed using Lambda-9 operators to extract SCP-XXXX's obsessive thoughts as they appeared rather than attempt to excise them altogether. This technique immediately proved successful in mitigating and reversing the effects of the meme complex.

However, the extreme difficulty of interacting with the unconscious mind required all members of Lambda-9 to be stationed onsite to take shifts maintaining a connection with SCP-XXXX, monitoring its thoughts, and immediately extracting and absorbing all thoughts associated with anxiety. Dr. Schaeffer proposed using the then-recently-finished DESCARTES prototype to automate the process of maintaining a connection with and monitoring SCP-XXXX's thoughts; implementation of DESCARTES reduced the number of needed Lambda-9 operators onsite to merely two.

Analysis of the increasing speed and growth rate of the memetic complex suggest that if the Drainage Protocol were to fail, SCP-XXXX would instigate a complete EK-Class End-of-Consciousness Scenario within seventeen hours.

> To: Nicholas Kozynski (pcs.76a|nnyzok#pcs.76a|nnyzok)
> From: Desmond Lee (pcs.oisp|eeldnomsed#pcs.oisp|eeldnomsed)
> Subject: Neutralization Request - SCP-XXXX

Hi Dr. Kozynski,

Since you're the project lead on SCP-XXXX, I wanted to talk to you about filing a neutralization request form for it. I am genuinely baffled as to why we are spending so much of our resources keeping him alive. He's an absolute drain on Lambda-9 and it's getting increasingly difficult to keep the team together - I just got a report that Agents Langdon Jones and Kaede Watanabe had to be rotated off early. Worse, the psych team says they were still feeling anxious after the amnestics regimen. There's only so many times you can hose down a psychic before their brain starts coming off with the paint. And if XXXX breaks containment one more time we'll have a Broken Masquerade or worse on our hands. Psionics Division has reason to believe that the explosive charge around XXXX's head won't be sufficient; we've been working on the problem and have a few proposals we think are viable. Please email me back as soon as you get this - if you want to look at our proposals I'm more than happy to schedule a meeting to discuss them with you.

Thank you,
Desmond Lee
Captain, Mobile Task Force Lambda-9

Whatever text to show/hide.

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is stored within an opaque locked box in the Site-42 Biological Materials Freezer. The box may only be opened if three people are within the room at the same time, and SCP-XXXX must be handled by no less than three people at any time.

SCP-XXXX shown during initial procurement

Description: SCP-XXXX is a Cavendish banana cultivar (Musa acuminata) that is almost entirely non-anomalous. The size and shape of SCP-XXXX are consistent with normal standards for a Cavendish banana and it is almost certainly edible. SCP-XXXX has also ripened and begun to rot at a rate considered normal for the Cavendish banana.

Any human being alone in a room with SCP-XXXX will experience an acute stress response that intensifies until the victim suffers cardiac arrest. No memetic, cognitohazardous, or otherwise anomalous effects have been detected; in all cases, the response is simply due to an irrational phobia, similar in its effects to nyctophobia, that is seemingly brought on by being alone in a room with SCP-XXXX. The phobia can be neutralized by breaking line-of-sight with the anomaly or coming within line-of-sight with another live human, though victims often fail to do either as a result of fear-induced paralysis. Live and recorded footage of SCP-XXXX is capable of inducing the effect; pictures are not, although some viewers have reported mild uneasiness when looking at them.

SCP-XXXX was discovered following the death of one ██████████ ████, a forensics accountant and part-time bookmaker, in Boston, Massachusetts. ████ died in his home from cardiac arrest; when his body was discovered, one of the officers investigating for foul play was apparently left alone in the same room as SCP-XXXX, whereupon he observed the banana and suffered from a heart attack, as did his partner and the officer who bagged the foodstuffs for evidence. This suspicious chain of deaths brought SCP-XXXX to the Foundation's attention, whereupon all objects in the house were secured for transport. SCP-XXXX was subsequently identified due to the stress response and death of the D-Class subject testing it for anomalous properties.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

D-26472: Okay, I'm in the - Jesus fuck!

D-26472 recoils and takes a step back.

Dr. Kontos: What? What's wrong?

D-26472: The banana! Fuckin' scared the shit outta me!

Dr. Kontos: The banana?

D-26472: Yes! It's creeping me the fuck out.

Dr. Kontos: …the banana?

D-26472: Yes! The banana is creeping me out, okay? Cut me some slack, fuck. Look at it!

Dr. Kontos: … It's a banana.

D-26472: It's a really creepy banana, okay?!

Dr. Kontos: I see. The banana is most likely anomalous, so please go up to it and examine it.

D-26472: Do I have to?

Dr. Kontos: Yes.

D-26472: Can you get someone else to do it? It's just really… it's really creeping me out, okay. I feel like it's gonna show up behind me or something.

Dr. Kontos: Alright, alright. For the time being then, just describe the banana and your reaction to it.

D-26472: Uh… um, right. Uh, okay. It's a… it's a banana. Looks pretty normal… kind of brown, overripe.

Dr. Kontos: I see. Can you describe your feelings towards the banana?

D-26472: Yeah. It's… it's really, uh, unnerving. Uh, the way I feel about it? Well… uh, you ever heard of this thing called, like, the Bon-Chong ghost⁸ or something?

Dr. Kontos: I'm not familiar with it.

D-26472: It's this online webcomic about this Korean ghost, and there's this jumpscare right, where the page autoscrolls down and it's this full-screen jumpscare of the ghost and this really spooky crack sound. Like, the first time I read it I fell out of my chair spooky. And uh, that's kind of the same vibe I'm getting from this banana? Like, it scared the shit out of me at first and it's still kind of weirding me out.

+ Thoughts

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Banana_on_white_background.jpg

truffles> Here’s what I think is better
5:14 PM <truffles> A banana
5:14 PM <truffles> It doesn’t talk
5:14 PM <truffles> It doesn’t kill people
5:14 PM <truffles> It’s just a good source of potassium
5:15 PM <truffles> But the banana has an EFFECT on people. It’s not a meme, it’s not a coghaz - it’s just that when someone is in a room alone with the banana they freak out, thinking it’ll kill them, and die of a cardiac arrest
5:15 PM <truffles> They die of fright
5:15 PM <•Decibelle> too bad i dont eat as many bananas as i used to
5:15 PM <truffles> So someone in the foundation catches wind of this
5:15 PM <truffles> They decide to bring it in
5:15 PM <truffles> Test it on D Class
5:15 PM <truffles> Yep
5:16 PM <truffles> Nobody has survived being in a room alone with the banana
5:16 PM <DiePotato> reminds me of that image i see of an owl being very frightened of a banana
5:16 PM <truffles> But it’s just a damn banana
5:16 PM <•Decibelle> but the banana would rot eventually

•ARD> http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/4r4nd0md4y 2nd tab “nanners” please let me know what you think of it’s current state and where YOU personally would expect it to go. Thank you for your expert eye in advance!
10:45 PM <Hippo> ard: aaaa! that's a pretty good hook i don't know where i would take it I'd have to think tbh (also it feels weird to have my eye called 'expert' >_>) — i think there's a few mild word changes I'd make up until this point but nothing major it's all pretty a++ so far
10:45 PM <Hippo> like:
10:45 PM <Hippo> "The size and shape of SCP-XXXX are consistent with normal standards for a Cavendish banana and it is almost certainly edible."
10:45 PM <Hippo> instead of 'almost certainly edible' i would say 'and it is believed to be edible' or 'it is suspected to be edible'
10:45 PM <Hippo> i like the fact tha tyou're stopping just short of saying 'edible' because of how tha timplies they're all too scared to even try
10:46 PM <•ARD> Mhm. I like “it is almost certainly edible” specifically because of the aforementioned implication
10:46 PM <Hippo> (typically i am against phrases like 'it is suspected to be' but i nthis case it's fine since that's kind of the point)
10:46 PM <•ARD> I might replace “almost certainly” with “most likely”
10:46 PM <Hippo> yeah i think 'almost certainly' just feels too — informal
10:46 PM <•ARD> Yeah
10:46 PM <Hippo> like intentionally comedic
10:47 PM <Hippo> like reading through this — i know you'll immediately get a little bit of grouch over the fact that you're saying it's not cognitohazardous but it clearly is — that being said i think that might be your hook/twist, maybe
10:47 PM <•ARD> I guess my biggest problem with the draft right now is that the log’s trajectory is more predictable than that of an ideal physics problem
10:48 PM <Hippo> in that how could this possibly *not* be a cognitohazard
10:48 PM <•ARD> One of the other ideas I had for the draft was simply that anyone left alone in a room with the banana for long enough would die for a heart attack
10:49 PM <•ARD> There was no specific cause - everyone who died had something else that explained it - but for some reason it always happened while they were alone with the banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> answer: it's not actually anomalous; we are anomalously scared of this one banana?
10:50 PM <Hippo> like i mean there's some reason it's this one banana, but the banana is legitimately non-anomalous?
10:50 PM <Hippo> haha, i do kind of like that, but i don't know where you could take it
10:50 PM <Hippo> like the progression so far is, yeah, kind of predictable, but not in a *bad* way
10:50 PM <Hippo> oh, *hm*
10:50 PM <Hippo> I actually really like that idea too
10:50 PM <Hippo> like no fear or anything, just — people keep dying or suffering horrible fates and all we find is this goddamn banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> it reminds me of that one anomaly someone did — i forget what it was called — it was like, a screw? or a small device? and the only thing it did was trigger anomaly detection devices
10:50 PM <•ARD> I’ll have to take your idea about the cognitohazard thing into consideration because right now the only way to make the log any good is to develop morbid humor through the absurdity of people being scared to death by a banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> like nothing about it could be found that made it anomalous; it just *appeared* anomalous to all diagnostic instruments
10:50 PM <•ARD> Hippo: yeah that’s a Kate classic
10:50 PM <•ARD> I actually dislike it a fair bit lol
10:51 PM <Hippo> like that has a similar theme to this, in that we're left not knowing if we should be fucking terrified or if we should just eat the goddamn banana and go home
10:51 PM <•ARD> Mhm
10:51 PM <•ARD> I ought to play up that aspect some more
10:52 PM <•ARD> The idea that “yeah I KNOW it’s a fucking banana but my monkey brain is telling me to be very afraid”
10:52 PM <Hippo> darn it what was that thing called
10:52 PM <•ARD> SCP-2072
10:52 PM <•jarvis> ard: SCP-2072: Prime Ministerial Pet Cemetery (written 3 years ago by Kate McTiriss; rating: +235) - http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2072
10:52 PM <•ARD> dang not that one
10:52 PM <•ARD> .sea air coupler
10:52 PM <•jarvis> ard: SCP-2472: A Small Metal Air Coupler That Is Apparently Not Anomalous (written 3 years ago by Kate McTiriss; rating: +198) - http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2472
10:53 PM <Hippo> wow, sorry
10:53 PM <Hippo> my connection just went nuts
10:53 PM <Hippo> but yeah — that one
10:54 PM <Hippo> and like i can see why the air coupler falls flat for you (or anyone else) but i think this is a case where you could take that idea (which i think is solid, but is really hard to execute) and take it up a notch, yeah
10:54 PM <•ARD> I’m also a bit nervous about the bong cheon reference
10:54 PM <•ARD> Like my personal frame of mind for the banana is those creepypasta pictures
10:54 PM <•ARD> Like Jeff the killer and stuff
10:55 PM <Hippo> goddammit computer wth
10:55 PM <•ARD> You know it’s fake but in the back of your mind you think “but what if it’s not”
10:55 PM <Hippo> i keep getting 30-60 second lag bursts
10:55 PM <•ARD> Weird
10:55 PM <•ARD> But my concern with the bong cheon reference is arbitrarily dating the article and not in a good way
10:56 PM <•ARD> Like is it even a good reference - am I spending too much time on it
10:56 PM <Hippo> I think you're spending maybe too much time on it, but i don't think it's a bad reference
10:56 PM <Hippo> like I'd take out the footnote and have the d-class explain it briefly and that's it
10:56 PM <•ARD> Word
10:57 PM <Hippo> or use the footnote to explain it and have the d-class just say it's a flash video or something, either way
10:57 PM <•ARD> Cool
10:57 PM <Hippo> like that goes to that thing we talked to before re: verisimilitude, i think; you can have 'dated' references so long as you don't spend a lot of time on them — they can establish the sense of it being a real convo
10:58 PM <Hippo> crap — okay
10:58 PM <Hippo> i think the lag is done
10:58 PM <•ARD> I gotcha
10:58 PM <Hippo> HUFF
10:59 PM <Hippo> there's another angle i see, but i dunno if it would work — it struck me upon reading your containment rocedures tho
10:59 PM <Hippo> in that, whenever anyone is alone with the banana
10:59 PM <Hippo> with nothing watching
10:59 PM <Hippo> they disappear
11:00 PM <Hippo> like the banana has two properties: 1) if you are alone with it and nothing is recording or watching you, you vanish 2) people are ill-at-ease with the banana; it feels 'wrong', though they can't say why
11:00 PM <Hippo> and the foundation is trying to figure out if they should have someone eat the banana
11:00 PM <Hippo> I think having someone eat the banana might be your final twist/kick, IDK
11:00 PM <Hippo> like what happens?
11:02 PM <•ARD> lol
11:02 PM <•ARD> Maybe
11:02 PM <•ARD> That’s a good stinger though - someone is like “FUCK THIS” and eats the banana
11:02 PM <•ARD> Addendum: Neutralized
11:02 PM <Hippo> IDK tho part of the problem is that it really *is* kind of the air coupler — i don't mean that in a bad way, but i mean that in 'that's the challenge the anomaly presents to you as a writer' way
11:02 PM <Hippo> hahaha
11:03 PM <Hippo> by this being the air coupler i mean — the challenge is — that it's an article that, ultimately, isn't about anything but a faulty diagnostic system
11:03 PM <Hippo> (maybe)
11:03 PM <Hippo> like it's an article largely about nothing
11:03 PM <•ARD> 2472 is actually what happens when nobody tests edge cases
11:03 PM <Hippo> which is a neat idea and one i like but it's pretty challenging to make nothing compelling
11:04 PM <Hippo> i do like the 'ate it' / 'neutralized' thing
11:04 PM <Hippo> dunno how well that would sell but *I* think it's funny
11:05 PM <Hippo> tho you can go the other way too; instead of 1 banana, they end up with *2*
11:05 PM — Hippo x-files.midi
11:06 PM <Jekeled> if they eat it something worse needs to happen
11:06 PM <Jekeled> or that
11:06 PM <Jekeled> 2 bananas is good tooo
11:06 PM <Hippo> i also like the idea of escalation over nothing; like, a d-class thinking he has all th epower because he has the banana
11:06 PM <Hippo> hahahaha oh man
11:07 PM <•ARD> Hippo: a d-class eats it and chokes on it
11:07 PM <Hippo> ok lag again >:
11:07 PM <•ARD> But at the same time people cease to be affected by it
11:07 PM <•ARD> Object Class: Neutralized
11:07 PM <Hippo> but in case this gets through: d-class realizes they are not affected by banana
11:07 PM <Hippo> the entire power dynamic shifts when the d-class picks the banana up and confusedly just waves it at the researcher
11:08 PM <•ARD> Mmmm I'm honestly not too thrilled by that
11:08 PM <•ARD> I've seen a lot of articles with that kind of shift
11:08 PM <•ARD> Jack Ike has written a few, you yourself wrote one with the monopoly board
11:08 PM <Hippo> fair enough! also I *just* got your messages, haha
11:08 PM <•ARD> Ah
11:08 PM <Hippo> sorry i keep getting slammed with lag
11:08 PM <•ARD> Weird. Try turning your wifi off and then on again
11:08 PM <Hippo> I'm at work — i think it's the mibbit plugin? IDK
11:09 PM <•ARD> Hm
11:11 PM <Hippo> idk where I'd take this it's a fun setup but it's also a hard one >_> i do like the d-class eating and choking on it, haha. or they vanish and now there's two; maybe it's even like keter cakes, but with fear
11:12 PM <•ARD> the next day: there is a giant banana where the d-class used to be
11:12 PM <Hippo> hahaha
11:13 PM ↔ Hippo nipped out
11:16 PM <Hippo> Okay, I'm connected through another plugin entirely. I think it's definitely the wiki's plug-in; it wouldn't even load after I got disconnected.
11:17 PM <Hippo> Another possibly really dumb idea: Make the banana the 2740 of foods.
11:17 PM <Hippo> Instead of trying to enter the attic, people keep trying to eat it, but they can't remember even making the attempt.
11:18 PM <Hippo> Like, they just try to *peel* the banana, and they can't; it's like their attempts are retrocausally erased.
11:19 PM <Hippo> (Also, sorry that I don't have a distinct answer for this; it's a problem with a *lot* of different possible approaches!)
11:19 PM <•ARD> Yeah no worries
11:20 PM <•ARD> I want to keep it very simple
11:20 PM <•ARD> The 2740 of foods is a silly idea but it lacks the absurd horror I want to go for
11:21 PM <Hippo> Yeah. Hm. I think — like, with something as simple as a banana, the only way you get to horror is through implication. My immediate thoughts go to the act of peeling the banana, and the implication of peeling a human similarly.
11:21 PM <•ARD> Hmmm
11:22 PM <Hippo> Like, this isn't what you're going for, but as an example — imagine an article where the Foundation can't tell the difference between a D-Class personnel and the banana.
11:22 PM <Hippo> And so, the 'stinger' is the very simple, very abrupt mention of having peeled the object, with the reader knowing the object is, in fact, the D-Class.
11:23 PM <Hippo> (Possibly by way of simply mentioning that after peeling, it was determined that the subject ceased moving, or was red, etc)
11:27 PM <Hippo> (alternatively, it could be bananaphone. But not really. Please don't do bananaphone)
11:40 PM → shaggydredlocks joined (~ten.tsacmoc.ap.1dsh.33C68502-CRInys|tibbiM#ten.tsacmoc.ap.1dsh.33C68502-CRInys|tibbiM)
11:51 PM <•ARD> Lol

rating: 0+x

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX is a drilling rig located at the bottom of an abandoned granite quarry in [Somewhere], Massachusetts. Although the quarry has been abandoned since at least 1961, the rig has continued to operate. The quarry around the rig is subject to minor anomalous phenomena: all groundwater that enters the quarry will flow towards SCP-XXXX, up the surrounding support structure, and into the borehole. Furthermore, the borehole continuously emits copious quantities of Cherenkov radiation. Measurements of the borehole's depth as well as documentation from the quarry suggest that it extends to the Earth's inner core and is increasing in depth; it is unclear how the drill is able to operate under such extreme conditions.

SCP-XXXX was designed as a doomsday eigenweapon, commissioned by the Pentagram and jointly constructed by Kervier International and a third party codenamed Black Eagle, during the Cold War as a scorched-earth policy: the weapon is controlled by a primitive artificial intelligence that is networked into all major US telecommunications networks and frequencies and is capable of parsing information transmitted therein. In case of a global socioeconomic shift towards ideologies typically associated with Communism, the weapon would detonate its payload within the Earth's core. It is unclear what effects would ensue, though the intended effect was likely the total destruction of the planet.

SCP-XXXX's drill bit simultaneously acts as its payload; while the exact composition and origin of the material are unknown, records recovered from Kervier International suggest that it was recovered by the Army Corps of Engineers in 195█ at ██████ █████, ████████ ███████. The material used to make the drill bit was then transferred to Kervier International at some point prior to 1960.

SCP-XXXX's derrick is entirely automated, although its power source and the source of its drill string are unknown. The drill string is automatically dispensed from within the derrick into the borehole at a rate of 60 meters per hour; examination of the string have revealed the presence of human nervous tissue laced into it.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

Whatever text to show/hide.

Date: 22/11/1963

Attempt: At some point between 6:00 AM and 12:00 PM, Oswald is surreptitiously swapped with an Anderson Robotics Saker unit. The deception is not discovered until 12:30 PM, when the Saker fails to shoot Kennedy and attempts to flee. Upon incapacitation, the unit is discovered.

Preventative Measures:Temporal Anomalies personnel move Lee Harvey Oswald forward in time from 5:59 AM to 12:01 PM. The Saker unit pretending to be Oswald at 12:01 PM is incapacitated and transferred to Oswald's bedroom at 5:59 AM. Oswald is then subjected to a pre-prepared hypnotherapy regimen and prepped for assassination, which then proceeds as scheduled.

Date: 22/11/1963

Attempt: An instance of SCP-1746 forms over Dallas, forcing the presidential motorcade to be cancelled as a result of the storm. The resulting storm pattern devastates the city.

Preventative Measures: In the original variant of the timeline in which this incident took place, the waffle cone had not yet been invited, and the requisite frozen dairy confectionary to prevent SCP-1746 from forming did not exist. Thus, the Department of Temporal Anomalies sent agents to the 1904 Worlds Fair in Chicago to introduce and popularize the dessert, which would ensure the existence of the waffle cone in time for its use to prevent SCP-1746 prior to the presidential motorcade.

Date: 22/11/1963

Attempt: At 11:47 AM, one hundred instances of the individual known as Allison Chao storm the Texas Book Depository, overrunning all posted guards as well as subsequent reinforcements. Temporal measurements of the depository suggest that each instance is a version of Allison Chao separated temporally by a single second relative to the original Chao's base time period. Each instance is uniquely prepared to handle part of the Department's countermeasures; together, they are able to continually overcome the Department's protective measures and kill Oswald.

Preventative Measures: The Department of Temporal Anomalies contacts each instance of Chao and provides her with different partial information regarding [REDACTED] in exchange for betraying her associates. As a result, the offensive fails at 11:48 AM as the Chaos turn on each other. At 12:03, the surviving Chaos temporally evacuate the area; Oswald is dosed with a mild amnestic to ensure that he forgets the events of the raid and successfully assassinates Kennedy on time.

+ Interview with Marcus Macdonald

Whatever text to show/hide.

rating: 0+x

Addendum: Executive Brief, Investigative Report Kukulkan

Testimony from internal sources suggests that the Chemical Corps collaborated with the CIA and a third party codenamed "Black Eagle" to develop SCP-2350, using test subjects from project MKUltra to produce and refine the agent. While the CIA were responsible for procuring test subjects and the Chemical Corps developed the mortar system, the actual development of SCP-XXXX apparently fell to "Black Eagle". Because the majority of the CIA's files on MKUltra were destroyed in 1973 and none of the surviving files reference Black Eagle in any way, verification of this information is difficult. However, the existence of Black Eagle is supported by classified files related to the United States Space Program.

All knowledge of Black Eagle's involvement with SCP-2350 comes from testimony compelled from [REDACTED] (codenamed Rockefeller), a member of the Chemical Corps who worked on the mortar system.

Before I say anything I want to make it clear that I had no actual say in the project. I was just following orders. I don't know who started the project, who ran it, or who Black Eagle was. My job was just to record the… the sound.

Uh… where do you want me to start?

Black Eagle? Uh… okay. Um… I have no idea who Black Eagle is. I still don't. What I do know is that by 1955 Project DESPERADO was on the verge of being shut down. We used it in Korea but not nearly enough to justify its expense. And it was expensive. It cost something like five million dollars to make just one of the damn things. We would've gotten a better return on investment by just firing burning wads of bills at the North Koreans. The CIA was about to pull the plug - the CIA, of all people. The problem wasn't recording the sound, it was making it.

I don't know the science behind it - I still don't - but I was told we used actual psychics to produce it. People with honest-to-god psychic abilities. Until 1955, the way it worked was that the CIA would bring in folks seemingly pulled off the god damn street - crackheads and whoremongerers - and run a battery of tests on them, dosing them up to their eyes in LSD and seeing what happened. Then, while they were still high off their asses, we would basically stick them in a room filled with mosquitoes and record the sounds they made. We had to run the sound through a special kind of filter - it was a total blackbox, I don't know how it worked - and then we would put it on magnetic tape, test it, and load it into the mortars. The problem is that something like 99.9% of all the tapes were worthless. For every thousand tapes we made, we got one recording that created the mosquito bites properly. And it was costing a fortune to bring these people in, run all the tests, make LSD for them, buy magnetic tape, etc etc and so on - and we were doing this a thousand times to get one tape. And the tape degraded! Over time the damn thing would wear off, so that two weeks after it was recorded you couldn't get the effects out of it anymore. So we had to keep on doing it, and it wasn't doing enough to justify the expense.

That's when Black Eagle came in.

I don't know who Black Eagle was or who worked for them, but I saw what they did. I stopped seeing druggies and crackheads and started seeing Russians. Little kids. Mentally ill people. The people I thought not even the CIA would stoop to. And they brought in war vets - guys who'd been to Guadalcanal and the Pacific Islands and all that - and dosed all of them, the kids and Russians and vets. All of them were soaked up to the eyes in LSD, and the spooks surgically removed the top their damn skulls off and jammed probes into their brains. And they wired the probes to each other, so you had probes going from a sixty year old man who killed twenty men in Guadalcanal into a six year old girl.

rating: 0+x

+ Thoughts

- Hide thoughts

Cyan|bed> the interview was uncomfortable
1:07 AM <HippoWriting> that last bit made me go 'uuh O_O'
Cyan|bed> i think the angle would be better if this were so organized that people consented to reanimation before death
1:09 AM <Cyan|bed> instead of just… not consenting
•ARD> Cyan|bed: Marlowe goes around offering sex workers a safe, comfortable, progressive place to work in exchange for use of their bodies after they die
1:20 AM <•ARD> Good pay, healthcare, etc etc
1:20 AM <•ARD> The only downside is that you become a sex zombie
•ARD> I'd prefer the sex zombies to be themselves again
1:21 AM <•ARD> "Yeah, I'm a zombie but honestly? It pays the bills, I'm alive, Bob is a good boss. Plus, I can't get syphilis"
1:25 AM <Hippo> Thinking on this, they sign the contract and agree to come back as zombies and continue working as prostitutes for X number of years
1:25 AM <Hippo> But after that they're free to do whatever because like
1:25 AM <Hippo> They're *zombies* wtf do they care about money anymore
1:25 AM <Hippo> They don't need to eat or drink do they
1:26 AM <•ARD> yeah once they get old and saggy they're off to do whatever zombies do
1:26 AM <•ARD> Marlowe can just hire new ones

TL;DR marlowe is kinda rapey. Make things more consensual. He's a good boss, pays well, has healthcare - all you gotta do is agree to be revived as a zombie and work a few more years after you die and then you're off as an immortal zombie.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX's remains are stored in the Site-42 Morgue. No other containment procedures are necessary at this time.

Description: SCP-XXXX was Robert Marlowe, a member of GoI-001 ("The Chicago Spirit"). Marlowe's only anomalous property was his ability to revive deceased individuals by [DATA EXPUNGED]; individuals revived in this manner, termed SCP-XXXX-1, became devoted to SCP-XXXX, treating him as a father figure and following his commands without question. Marlowe used this ability to assemble a workforce of prostitutes and establish a profitable line of brothels in California.

Marlowe's success in this area led to meeting Richard Chappell, the leader of the Chicago Spirit, in 1918. Although Chappell reportedly disapproved of Marlowe's abilities, he recognized Marlowe's business acumen and facilitated his rapid rise to the position of caporegime of the Chicago Spirit's West Coast operations. By 1920, Marlowe oversaw all of the Spirit's illegal activity in California, Washington State, Oregon, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. His continued success contributed significantly to the Spirit's rise to power in the United States.

On 16 July 1930, Marlowe committed suicide in his home via gunshot; interviews with Marlowe's subordinates suggest that he suffered from undiagnosed clinical depression. Upon Marlowe's death, all instances of SCP-XXXX-1 became inert corpses. The Foundation had been investigating his connections to the Chicago Spirit for approximately six months at the time; upon the death of the SCP-XXXX-1 instances, the Foundation initiated containment and coverup operations. Marlowe's death and the subsequent inability of his successors to maintain their hold on the Western criminal underworld contributed significantly to the declining fortunes of the Chicago Spirit.

Addendum:

- Hide interview

Date: 25 July, 1931

Interviewer: Dr. Smith

[BEGIN LOG]

[EXTRANEOUS INTRODUCTIONS OMITTED]

Macdonald: Cut to the chase. You wanna know about Bob, right?

Smith: Uh, yes. We're looking to gather more information on the late Mr. Marlowe.

Macdonald: Fine. Shoot.

Macdonald: Nah, Bob loved his girls. All of us, really. He was always lookin' out for us, keeping Chappell off our back, Good ol' Bob.

Macdonald: How stupid you think we were? What were we gonna do, ask "Hey Boss, how'd you find out you could fuck people back to life?" You really think we wanted to answer that question? Get outta here.

Macdonald: Tell you the truth… I think Bob mighta been a queer. He was never interested in any of his girls, least not that I saw. And there was that one time… one of the girls, uh, Barb, I think, one of her clients got a bit too rough with her. I remember both her eyes looking like peaches. Bob had the bouncers take the guy to the basement. Week later, the poor bastard was behind the bar, looking happy as a clam and just as green around the gills if you know what I mean.

Macdonald: Damn shame about Bob. Even if he did take it up the ass, he was the best boss I ever had and a damn good man.

rating: 0+x

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in a secure locker at Site-42. SCP-XXXX may only be inserted into automobiles for testing procedures. Once per day, SCP-XXXX should be inserted into a test vehicle (currently a 1997 Toyota Corolla), and SCP-XXXX-1 is to be provided with one gram of cocaine.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a car key of indeterminate make and manufacture that can be inserted into any automobile and used to start the ignition. When SCP-XXXX is used to start an automobile, the vehicle will become transmogrified into a teenage girl of variable ethnicity, termed SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-1's ethnicity will match the country of origin of the tested vehicle; the color and design of its clothing depends on the color and car model. Regardless of the vehicle used, SCP-XXXX-1 maintains a consistent consciousness and memory. It identifies itself as "Murakami Killswitch", and claims to be a demon summoned by a member of an anomalous criminal group called the Chicago Spectre.

Human beings that sit inside a vehicle started with SCP-XXXX will be affected by the transmogrification; SCP-XXXX-1 reports that their consciousnesses exist in its mind as part of its phonological loop until it returns to its car form. D-class subjects used to test SCP-XXXX report an out-of-body experience, wherein they are sitting in the test vehicle, but the world outside is from SCP-XXXX-1's viewpoint. If a person was sitting in the driver's seat when the ignition was started, that person will be able to control SCP-XXXX-1's movement using the steering wheel and pedals. SCP-XXXX-1 can be reverted back into a vehicle by stopping the car and removing SCP-XXXX from the ignition; subjects sitting inside the vehicle will also reappear. For its part, SCP-XXXX-1 maintains that it has full control over itself at all times.

Addendum: Interview XXXX-1

+ Show interview log

- Close interview log

In SCP-XXXX's first test, it was inserted into an orange 2000 Toyota Corolla by D-18731, and promptly transmogrified into an Asian woman wearing an orange sundress. Dr. Freeman conducted a post-test interview with D-18731 after SCP-XXXX-1 transmogrified back into a Toyota Corolla.

Date: 18 February, 2018

Interviewer: Dr. Freeman

[BEGIN LOG]

Freeman: Okay, D-18731, let's start simple. What happened to you after you turned on the ignition?

D-18731: I dunno… it's kind of hard to remember. Feels like I just took a nap. Uh, I was in the car. I know I was sitting in the driver's seat. But… the perspective was all wrong.

Freeman: I see. Can you elaborate on what you mean by the perspective being wrong?

D-18731: Uh, it's kind of hard to say. I can barely remember it. I could see you outside the car. But like, you were huge or really tall or something. I think you were talking? Like, I think you were talking but I don't remember what you said.

Freeman: Interesting. It sounds almost like you were dreaming.

D-18731: Yeah - hey, yeah! A dream! It felt like I was dreaming! I dreamed I was in the car and you were there and you were huge and I think you were talking and then I pulled the key out and then I woke up in the car. What a lame dream.

Addendum: Interview XXXX-2

+ Show interview log

- Close interview log

In SCP-XXXX's first test, it was inserted into an orange 2000 Toyota Corolla by D-18731, and promptly transmogrified into an Asian woman wearing an orange sundress. In accordance with humanoid testing and ethical protocols, Dr. Freeman conducted an on-site interview with SCP-XXXX-1.

Date: 18 February, 2018

Interviewer: Dr. Freeman

[BEGIN LOG]

SCP-XXXX-1: You're not the bossman.

Freeman: Excuse me?

SCP-XXXX-1: Oh, I'm sorry. Ahem. Hi! I'm Murakami Killswitch. I need some coke - oh, I'm sorry, cocaine - like, right now, or uh, I'm gonna open up a hellgate and kill everyone within ten kilometers in the process! Like, a gram or two is good, please and thank you!

Freeman: Er, we'll see what we can do.

Freeman directs his assistant, Junior Researcher Maslow, to go to the Site-42 Pharmaceutical Wing.

Freeman: I've sent my assistant to see if we have any, ah, cocaine. In the meantime, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

SCP-XXXX-1: Coke first. Questions later.

SCP-XXXX-1: I guess the Inside Man didn't need me anymore! Boys, am I right? He wanted to get rid of me and the Revenants at once - don't even get me started on that little rivalry - so he probably dropped me off near their headquarters! Then once the contract was broken, I'd go home and use their souls to open the gate! You know how it is!

murakami killswitch isn't a girl bonded to a demon it's a demon that straight up consumed its host soul and took the body over. It's retained in this dimension by cocaine because that drug represents some of the worst of human excess. If it doesn't get its weekly fill it'll open a gateway back to hell powered by the souls of everyone around it.
the inside man summoned it to be a useful getaway car and once he was done with it he dropped it off at a rival gangs headquarters in 3P so they'd all be killed when it reopened the gate. Unfortunately for him it was picked up by a joint foundation/UIU raid the next day which is how killswitch was recovered
An unassuming car key of indeterminate make
When used to start a car, the car transforms into a teenage girl
Blanks out when not starting car
Girl's ethnicity and look dependent on car make
People sitting in the car become voices in head, report out of body experiences seeing life through the girl
Getaway driver for Chicago Spirit, holds people and loot
Tells everything in exchange for "amnesty"

rating: 0+x

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: No containment procedures are necessary. SCP-XXXX's remains are stored in the Site-42 Biological Containment Freezer. All documentation regarding SCP-XXXX is stored in the Archive Wing of Site-42. The town of White Cross Falls has been repurposed into a Foundation site to care for senior personnel and personnel disabled in the line of duty.

Description: SCP-XXXX was a tartarean entity that existed in this universe as a large, bipedal, porcine entity, and was worshiped as the deity "Filluvkraft, the Harbinger of Purity" by the residents of the town of White Cross Falls, Georgia. In exchange for human sacrifices, SCP-XXXX ensured enhanced growth of the crops and livestock of the primarily agricultural community, a consistent phenotype of blue eyes and blond hair in children born within the town's borders, and that the disappearance of all individuals sacrificed to it would go relatively unnoticed.

Documentation recovered from the town, interviews with survivors, and recovered folk legends suggest that SCP-XXXX was either summoned or created by one John Gordon⁹ shortly after the end of the Civil War. Before the Civil War, White Cross Falls was a prosperous town supported primarily by the activity of the numerous slave-worked plantations located in and around the town. After slavery was outlawed in White Cross Falls, the town and community fell into disrepair; the only residents who remained were too poor to leave. Gordon intended for the entity to restore the town's fortunes, which it did with limited success; nevertheless, the town's fortunes improved enough for the residents to form a cult around SCP-XXXX. The formation of the cult was assisted by the prevalent racism, anti-Semitism, and lack of education¹⁰ within the community, which may have also contributed to strengthening SCP-XXXX's capabilities.

Addendum: Discovery and Neutralization

Foundation agents were initially alerted to the existence of SCP-XXXX following routine statistical examinations of missing persons reports in the United States; it was noticed that, on average, four people went missing in White Cross Falls each month, but no notice or attention had been given to this abnormally high rate by law enforcement. Foundation Special Agent Chadwick Freeman was dispatched to investigate the town; in the process of his investigation, he encountered and neutralized SCP-XXXX. Following the neutralization of SCP-XXXX, the residents of the town were given Class-A amnestics and relocated.

+ Recovery Log

- Hide log

Freeman comes into town normal. Asks the locals some questions. Hey what's up, you seen these people?
Gets conked over the head, wakes up in a barn butt-naked but for his glasses, chained to the wall
Pulls chains out of wall, climbs into loft, escapes through hole, climbs down
Cultist guarding the barn. Freeman strangles him to death with chains, takes double-barrel shotgun, Colt 1911, and keys to handcuffs
Hears someone scream for help; Freeman goes through the swamp to find them, fighting cultists and maybe other weird swamp monsters.
Comes across sacrificial altar. Four or five cultists, the girl is tied up, the demon is waiting, the cultists are about to slit the girl's throat.
Freeman shoots them all, rescues the girl, and tells the demon "Squeal like a pig" before blowing it away
Calls in the Foundation to secure the area

+ Critique

- Hide critique

ARD's Thoughts - Jekeled is right. He's too much like a cool OC - the science and STEM and all that is chaff. Focus on him being Mister Atheism - there's got to be irony. He's a devoted Christian who woke up one day believing that he had to spread the word of God, so he did. Missionary work, the jungles, gangs, sometimes risking his life. But his anomaly is that when he tries to convince someone that God exists, he ends up convincing them to become atheist. He gets discouraged, wonders what is wrong with him, considers killing himself, runs into Jude and Armand, they greet him, explain what they did, he flips his lid and kills them and everyone else who does anomalous shit in GAW. What kind of sick and twisted demons would use their god-like powers to play pranks?

Jekeled> ARD Still not a fan
2:47 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: mmm
2:48 AM <Jekeled> ARD It suffers from the same problem the rest of the GAW articles suffer from
2:48 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: fucking lol
2:48 AM <Jekeled> ARD It's blunt and the anomaly isn't interesting. Yours goes in the opposite way, but that doesn't make it better
2:48 AM <Jekeled> Any takedown of GAW will either need to be 1) more subtle than it or 2) so fucking insane that it transcends subtlety
2:48 AM <djkaktus> ARD so here's how you fix this
2:48 AM <djkaktus> Because Jek is right
2:48 AM <•AidenEldritch> Jekeled: Vaping In Diminished Time
2:48 AM <djkaktus> but
2:49 AM <djkaktus> I have an idea
2:49 AM <Jekeled> AidenEldritch I could totally write a GAW takedown.
2:49 AM <djkaktus> So this guy is pretty devoted to his faith
2:49 AM <djkaktus> and he's trying to do evangelizing
2:49 AM <djkaktus> and he's really bad at it because he makes people atheists
2:49 AM <djkaktus> but
2:49 AM <djkaktus> he's not aware of it at all.
2:49 AM <djkaktus> Like, he doesn't understand why he's bad at it
2:49 AM <•AidenEldritch> djkaktus: "The Book of Moron"
2:50 AM <djkaktus> So he's like "aw shucks, guess it didn't work out. Maybe next time"
2:50 AM <djkaktus> yeah, he's a fucking idiot.
2:50 AM <djkaktus> Like, super sincere and everything, but dumb as a sack of shit.
2:50 AM <djkaktus> The Foundation can ask him about like, him being a mister and stuff
2:50 AM <djkaktus> but he's got no idea what they're talking about.
2:51 AM <djkaktus> ARD: additionally, it might be even funnier if he made people into really combative atheists
2:51 AM <djkaktus> and he was not at all good at defending his faith
2:51 AM <ChaoSera> Zyn, need some help?
2:51 AM <djkaktus> idk just some ~ideas~
2:51 AM <Jekeled> What if part of the reason why they all became atheists was because of how shit he is at arguing
2:51 AM <djkaktus> Yeah, like part of this is just that he's a really shitty evangelist.
2:52 AM <djkaktus> But, again, he doesn't realize that.
2:52 AM <djkaktus> He has no clue.
2:54 AM <•ARD> djkaktus, Jekeled I really want to keep the aspect of "shooting the members of GAW"
2:54 AM <•ARD> that's the only reason I'm writing this
2:54 AM <Jekeled> ARD He gets a message from God
2:54 AM <Jekeled> But it's not god, he's just really fucking dumb
2:54 AM <djkaktus> lol the message says "stop please"
2:54 AM <djkaktus> "youre not helping"
2:54 AM <Jekeled> ^
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "uhhhhh so mr atheism you said you got a message from god that said you needed to shoot these men"
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "yes"
2:55 AM <Jekeled> ARD Also, I figured the only reason you wanted to write this was because of the gaw takedown; it's why it's so bad
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "this message says "please stop"
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "Yeah but you need to read between the lines"
2:55 AM <Jekeled> ^^
2:55 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: at least I know it's at the same level of quality as the rest of gaw
New messages
2:56 AM <Jekeled> actually mr bernie sanders was better
2:56 AM <•ARD> fuck
2:56 AM <•AidenEldritch> a grievous insult
2:56 AM <Jekeled> djkaktus but what do you think of my indiana idea
2:56 AM <•ARD> I might toss this, I don't know
2:56 AM <•Zyn> ChaoSera: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-2254850/scp-xxxx:childhood-memories
2:56 AM <•Zyn> thanks
2:56 AM <•ARD> Now that I've actually written up this guy shooting everyone in GAW I think I've lost my burning hatred for them and have replaced it with a simmering contempt
2:57 AM <Jekeled> ARD like, it can be saved; kaktus has a real good idea
2:57 AM <djkaktus> ARD: if you really hate them
2:57 AM <djkaktus> the best way to take them down is by making them a joke.
2:57 AM <djkaktus> So make him a joke.
2:57 AM <•ARD> djkaktus: but they're literally already jokes. they embraced that part of themselves when they became about internet memes
2:57 AM <•ARD> how can I make fun of a meme
2:57 AM <•Roget> djkaktus: I laughed so hard
2:57 AM <•Roget> oh my god
2:57 AM <•Roget> ARD: you must do this
2:58 AM <•Roget> "you have to read between the lines" holy shit
it's a metaphor
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "please stop" is a metaphor for "please stop them"
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "the gaymers"
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "against christ"
•ARD> Jekeled: alright. i'm convinced
2:59 AM <Jekeled> c:
2:59 AM <•ARD> mister atheist is a militant evangelist who is so bad at arguing that he turns people into militant atheists and is convinced that he is receiving messages from god literally everywhere
3:00 AM <Jekeled> :)
3:00 AM <•Roget> ARD: yesssssss
•ARD> but he's just as dumb as a sack of bricks and through some unfortunate conspiracy, becomes convinced that the only way to salvation is to slay the gamers against weed
3:00 AM <•ARD> Deus Vult
3:00 AM <•ARD> *unfortunate coincidence
3:01 AM <•ARD> djkaktus: I'm going to steal those lines btw they're good ones
3:01 AM <djkaktus> nice

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a Humanoid Containment Cell in Site-42. It has been allotted a copy of the King James Bible and an MP3 player with music and audiobooks. Individuals with assignments that may bring them into contact with SCP-XXXX should be atheistic.

At this time, SCP-XXXX is scheduled for weekly meetings with staff psychologist Adileh Khayyam. No other containment procedures are needed.

Description: SCP-XXXX, formerly known as Ashley Williams, is a German male that is biologically in their twenties. On the back of SCP-XXXX's head is a barcode label, that when scanned, reads "Mr. Atheism by Gamers Against Weed". SCP-XXXX has an eidetic memory and has memorized the contents of the King James Bible. SCP-XXXX is a devoted Roman Catholic and will frequently attempt to engage individuals in debate around religious topics with the aim of converting them to Catholicism; however, if its opponent possesses religious beliefs, they will invariably discard their beliefs at the end of the debate. Prior to containment, SCP-XXXX was a missionary who had spent several years in Africa.

Addendum: Recovery Log

On ██/██/██, the ██████ Police Department recorded the arrest of one Ashley Williams, suspected of murdering Jude Kriyot and Armand ██████¹¹ and destroying Kriyot's apartment via arson. Due to their known affiliation with the GoI Gamers Against Weed, SCP-XXXX was promptly taken into Foundation custody and coverup protocols were initiated.

Addendum: SCP-XXXX Interview Log

Interviewer: Dr. Adileh Khayyam (on request from Site Director Arvind Desai)
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

[BEGIN LOG]

Khayyam reaches over the interview table to shake SCP-XXXX's hand.

Khayyam: How are you? My name is Adileh Khayyam.
SCP-XXXX: My name is Mister Ath - Ashley Williams. But everyone calls me Ash.
Khayyam: Ash. I like it. Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Ash. You aren't in any trouble. I'm just trying to figure out what happened with Misters -
SCP-XXXX: I killed them. I killed them, and I hope they're laughing in hell.
Khayyam: I see. I appreciate your honesty, Ash. If you feel able to - would you be able to tell me why?
SCP-XXXX sighs and looks away.
SCP-XXXX: How old do you think I am?
Khayyam: If I had to hazard a guess… twenty-five?
SCP-XXXX: I'm one.
Khayyam: One? I find it rather difficult to believe you could be so young.
SCP-XXXX: So did I. I was born in Cleveland, Ohio. I graduated from Ohio University with a degree in Philosophy. I spent the last five years of my life spreading the Lord's wisdom and helping the less fortunate in Africa as a missionary for the Catholic Church.
SCP-XXXX snorts bitterly.
SCP-XXXX: At least I thought I did.
Khayyam: What do you mean?
SCP-XXXX: I know the last year of my life existed - it was the worst year of my life. I was supposed to be a preacher. To spread the wisdom of the Lord and help other souls find salvation. And I was fucking terrible at it.

SCP-XXXX: I met Jude and Armand on the way to the bridge. They called me "Mr. Atheism" and rattled off things about my life that I'd never told anyone. I wish I had ignored them. But I didn't. I went back to their apartment - I don't know why, some sick curiosity? So I went to their apartment, and I learned about Jude and Armand, and I learned all about how they'd created Mr. Atheism.
SCP-XXXX leans back and puts a hand to their forehead.
SCP-XXXX: I still thought this was a sign from God. How stupid was that? I was sure that these were angels sent to test my faith.

SCP-XXXX: I'm a ghost. I'm a ghost that they put into someone's corpse so they could
SCP-XXXX: A prank. These people had the power to create life - to make men come alive and give them superpowers and they used them to get their fucking jollies off. Jude and Armand and their stupid friends could have cured cancer or solved world hunger or created world peace and instead they decided to make my purpose in life terrible preaching. What kind of devil could do that? What kind of devil would do that?
SCP-XXXX: I was mugged in Africa once. I don't know if that actually happened or it was someone else's memory but it made me carry a gun. So I shot them both. They're dead and I would do it all over again.

Khayyam: Ash, thank you for sharing this with me. I just have one more question.
SCP-XXXX: Sure. Ask away.
Khayyam: By any chance did you ever come into possession of a document that read 'Holy Heck! You've just found yourself Mister Atheism by Gamers Against Weed'?
SCP-XXXX: … Yeah. I threw it in the trash and lit it on fire.

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a 1m x 1m x 2m Keter-level containment chamber with additional 20 cm of reinforced steel-plate lining and a strain gauge under the floor. At least three site-wide redundant alarm systems, with an alarm sound unique to SCP-XXXX, must be tied to the strain gauge and primed to trigger when it registers a decrease in weight.

All rooms and hallways in Site-75 should be equipped with immediately-accessible kitchen knives and refrigerators stocked with mangoes. In the event that SCP-XXXX's alarm is triggered, all personnel must immediately retrieve a mango and knife and attempt to reach the nearest one-entrance room. If SCP-XXXX is sighted, the viewing person(s) must immediately begin to cut their mango.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an ambush predator that resembles a middle-aged Indian woman wearing an orange, rhinestone-studded sari¹². Thermal scanning and dissection of SCP-XXXX indicates that both the sari and the human resemblance are part of its exoskeleton; it is actually an invertebrate organism with a mantid-like body structure, possessing mantid features such as compound eyes, antennae hidden in the ears, near-180^o neck articulation, and spiked forelegs disguised as arms.

SCP-XXXX hunts human beings, but does not act like other ambush predators, preferring to stalk its prey and then come into view before attacking the subject. However, it employs a killing method similar to that of mantids, grasping victims with its forelegs and eating them alive. SCP-XXXX has the ability to climb up walls and on the ceiling, as well as contort its body to fit into extremely small spaces. Several surviving witnesses have observed SCP-XXXX being able to close large distances without physically being seen to move. It is presumed that this trait is also what enables SCP-XXXX to bypass most security measures and physical impediments, such as locked doors and laser-wired corridors.

For unclear reasons, SCP-XXXX displays an extreme aversion to mangoes. In particular, the act of cutting and exposing the flesh of a mango in front of SCP-XXXX is enough to make it retreat. However, this tactic is only effective when implemented by a single person at a time.

SCP-XXXX was first discovered by Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") while eradicating an outbreak of SCP-2810 in Bihar, India. Lambda-12 tracked a tiger instance of SCP-2810 to a secluded village in the

With the assistance of the villagers, Lambda-12 was able to track SCP-XXXX to its lair and force it into a mobile holding cell. However, SCP-XXXX was able to escape and kill several members of the Task Force before fleeing. At this time, Mobile Task Force Lambda-9 ("Bagheera's Boys") arrived to take over from Lambda-12. Lambda-9 was able to recapture SCP-XXXX and escort it to Site-75.

Addendum: On ██/██/████, SCP-XXXX was found to have laid eggs. All but three of the eggs were incinerated; one was dissected, one was put in cold storage, and one was allowed to hatch. The hatched instance of SCP-XXXX, which was nearly identical to the one in containment, was killed and dissected. Mobile Task Forces Lambda-12 and Lambda-9 have been dispatched to the site of its original discovery to confirm that there are no more instances of SCP-XXXX in the wild.

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+ What this is

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In their quest to improve their cryptographic security, Prometheus Labs starts looking for ways to find ever-larger prime numbers
One such way involves building a biological super computer and dosing it with large quantities of drugs like methamphetamines to enhance its computational power
In the process, they find a prime number so inordinately huge (think Graham's Number huge) that the computer's mere cognizance of this number accidentally summons an eldritch being into this place of existence
so Prometheus Labs chains the eldritch being to a revamped version of the computer and uses it to generate even more super huge prime numbers

why would you make a biological supercomputer when electronic ones are far better at math and counting
and, to be quite honest, if Prometheus is working on anomalous encryption methods, why are they using RSA
now, if you turn the premise around, and Prometheus is using an anomalous supercomputer for /factoring/, that could potentially be used in breaking RSA encryption
basically, we don't need computers to find large numbers for us, but we do need them for breaking down large numbers

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX is a database server running a modified version of UNIX (known as PLUNIX) with two primary elements, SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2.
SCP-XXXX-1 consists of layered, interconnected nets of human nervous tissue contained within standard aluminum computer cases. Through unknown means, this nervous tissue is able to interface with a touchscreen console through which SCP-XXXX accepts human input. Users are able to interact with SCP-XXXX to store and encrypt information

SCP-XXXX-2 is an aluminum sphere, 1 meter in diameter, with multiple hollow, cylindrical protrusions. Through unknown means, SCP-XXXX-2 is suspended in midair in the center of SCP-XXXX; it is spatially locked with regards to its position and orientation. Although unaided viewing of SCP-XXXX-2 shows only distorted imagery of an empty chamber, computer-enhanced imagery in various spectra shows a complex structure with octad radial symmetry.

Addendum: History

SCP-XXXX was initially recovered from an abandoned Prometheus Computing research site near Varanasi, India. Documentation onsite indicates that SCP-XXXX was be

+ Bangart's Journal Entries

Whatever text to show/hide.

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forum critique

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<Paroxysm>:
<Djoric>:
<daveyoufool>:
<SnarkyPotato>:
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Couldn't they just hook him up to life support and be done with it? Have the machines in a separate room
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Like the issue with the VR thing (I like the idea of VR containing something)
Is it takes waayyyyy too long to explain what the hell it is
<TwistedGears>: And expunging what -B is isn't doing you a whole lot of favors since you're already delaying information
<TwistedGears>: Does it matter all that much to have it be called DESCARTES? I mean, the thing is in itself basically an anomaly. Why not just say it's VR in the the containment procedures and have a collapsible in the description going into more detail?
<TwistedGears>: Being told it's being contained by VR and then explaining the details of it later would work better than just saying DESCARTES because then I have to get through 4 paragraphs before knowing what the hell that even is
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Could you just call it the DESCARTES virtual reality console or some nonsense? best of both worlds?
<TwistedGears>: Then why not just… have him be anomalous?
<TwistedGears>: Just. Give him sort of cancer that grows, nix it being its own -b entity

Item #: SCP-2910

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2910 is contained in Site-42 in a Safe-class humanoid containment cell, and is to be kept alive through standard protocols for comatose patients. SCP-2910 must be connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) at all times. The VR should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must be connected to both the Area-2910 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. A backup VR is to be maintained in case the primary VR malfunctions. The VR has been programmed to automatically store save files to dedicated onsite and offsite servers once every 24 hours and load the oldest stored save file if SCP-2910-A dies in the VR (whether through suicide or natural causes). For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

Description: SCP-2910 is the former Dr. N█████, a 27-year old Junior Researcher in the Site-54 Mental Hazards Division (2910-A). Aside from muscular atrophy brought on by its placement in the VR, it is physically identical to a human male of the same age.

SCP-2910 has been connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator for an indefinite period of time.

+ About DESCARTES

DESCARTES is a prototype virtual reality (VR) machine based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Dr. Samsonite. When a user connects to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality with realistic physics and NPC interaction, and stimulates the user's brain to perceive the virtual reality as real life, from simulated birth till death, without memories of their actual life. At the same time, it can parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite the user's memories based on modifiable parameters¹³. Upon locating pertinent information, DESCARTES will then erase the user's memory of their virtual experience.

The DESCARTES connected to SCP-2910 simulates a world that is totally identical to the real world; however, its NPC generation subroutine has been modified so that NPCs will either not respond to SCP-2910-A's attempts at interaction or produce a response from a generic list of answers. All NPCs otherwise act normally.

No records on SCP-2910's placement in the VR nor any documentation prior to the current report appear to exist. It is unclear why SCP-2910 is in its current state or why it has been contained. No records exist of SCP-2910 showing any anomalous behavior; however, all attempts to disconnect SCP-2910 from DESCARTES or alter the Model 1's programming have resulted in unapproved behavior of major Foundation weaponized satellites: specifically, the two weaponized satellites nearest to Site-42 at the time will become unresponsive to remote commands, move from their normal locations into orbit above Site-42, and arm themselves to fire all weapons within ten minutes. Examination of the satellites' programming has revealed the presence of unknown subroutines that cannot be accessed even with O5 authorization, though all programmers who worked on Foundation weaponized satellites in the past profess ignorance of these programs (even under strenuous interrogation).

As it is unfeasible to totally replace the Foundation's orbital arsenal, the Ethics Committee has determined that the current solution of keeping SCP-2910 within the VR simulation is to remain unchanged.

forum critique

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•minmin> the field is also left unexplained
10:41 PM <•minmin> which, as far as the Wiki goes, is par for the course
10:41 PM <•minmin> but you already explain so much
•minmin> it's like reading a murder mystery and finding out that the killer is the Butler and the weapon is the Slinky Coil
10:42 PM <•minmin> and it just ends there before the butler confesses the How
•GreenWolf> Bangart feels… really cliche over the top
minmin> the core idea is already rather hammy so
minmin> I… actually like the older one where the humanoid is placed under VR to suppress his effects
<minmin>: ARD: ehhhh… I can't say I'm a fan of his hamminess

•GreenWolf> anyways, my thoughts were that the stinger was kind of "oh fuck, that's /cold/"
•GreenWolf> I liked it, don't know if others will though
•minmin> it's a pretty evocative torture, yeah
10:57 PM <•minmin> but i think the scp has jaded me wrt fates worse than death

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Item #: SCP-2910

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2910 is contained at its location of discovery, in the Site-42 Auxiliary Generator Sub-basement. No attempts are to be made to communicate with SCP-2910.

SCP-2910-A's DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must remain connected to both the Site-42 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

Description: SCP-2910 refers to the former Dr. Akash Navali, a former Senior Researcher of the Site-42 Memetics Division who was presumed to have been abducted in 1995 by [REDACTED] during a raid conducted on Site-42.

SCP-2910 is currently located at its place of discovery in a previously hidden chamber in the Site-42 Auxiliary Generator sub-basement. SCP-2910 is seated in a plastic chair in the center of the chamber, connected to a prototype DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR), which itself has been connected to the Site-42 main and auxiliary generators.

SCP-2910 will periodically appear to emit low-pitched sounds or rock back and forth.

Addendum: Creation and Discovery

SCP-2910 was discovered in 2013 during an escape attempt by SCP-████, an instance of which fled into the Site-42 reactor complex sub-basement¹⁴. During pursuit, Agent Saberi tripped and collided with a wall, which collapsed to reveal SCP-2910's chamber. SCP-2910 was seated within the room, connected to DESCARTES, which itself had been surreptitiously drawing power from the Site-42 main and auxiliary reactors.

SCP-2910 appears to have been created by Arthur Bangart, a former Site-42 Memetics Containment Specialist who was killed by SCP- in 2003. Following Bangart's retirement, his home was covertly searched by Mobile Task Force Alpha-4 ("Houseworkers") for any materials that could be related to the Foundation or anomalous objects. A series of cassette tapes, which Bangart had used to record an audio journal, was recovered from his attic. Although many of the tapes had been damaged by rats, enough were recovered to establish a connection between Bangart and SCP-2910.