4r4nd0md4y's Sandbox I

-You just join the channel name
/cs register #channelname ChannelPassword Description"

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Table of Contents

You Are Here
Supersized Project Sandbox
Contest Entry Sandbox
Tales Sandbox
Series Sandbox
Fancy Sandbox
Overflow Sandbox
Third Law sandbox

RED: #FF5050
YELLOW: #FFFF99
GREEN: #99FF99
BLUE: #00FFFF

Flytraps

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter-Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX’s digestive fluid is to be treated and handled as a Class-IV Chemical/Biological/Thermobaric weapon. Per the Concord on Botanical Specimens signed November 2, 1945, DNA and seed samples have been distributed to Foundation seed vaults worldwide. Additionally, specimens of SCP-XXXX are grown in every Foundation greenhouse capable of housing a population. Handling of Further documentation, tending, and population control details can be received at request from the Foundation Botanical Department; start by contacting Dr. Chelsea Elliott at [e-mail] . External populations of SCP-XXXX are monitored by a division of Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 (“Pest Control”).

Description: SCP-XXXX is a species of sun pitcher plant¹ that uses thaumaturgy to prey on hematophages such as oxpeckers and vampire bats. SCP-XXXX’s primary anomalous property is its digestive fluid: a substance that looks, smells, and possesses the same goetic signature as uncoagulated cattle blood. However, it is actually a highly corrosive and reactive liquid similar to chlorine trifluoride. SCP-XXXX otherwise is similar to other species in the Heliamphora genus in breeding and feeding habits: a perennial herb that grows approx 1 meter in height.

SCP-XXXX in Site-19 Greenhouse L-12.

During the daytime, SCP-XXXX injects minute quantities of its digestive fluid through its roots to eliminate competition for sunlight, water, and pollination by poisoning the surrounding soil in a 5 meter radius. It also drips small quantities of digestive fluid from its upper leaf into its digestive pouch to emit a steady ionizing trail of gas. The kinetic energy of the drop is enough to cause a tiny explosion at the point of impact, triggering a natural but still poorly-understood catalytic reaction that gradually consumes the blood in the digestive pouch to generate up to 2 liters of digestive fluid per day.

During thunderstorms, SCP-XXXX lures hematophages such as vampires bats and oxpeckers to land and drink from its pitcher of digestive fluid by smelling like an injured cow. While its prey attempts to feed, assuming they are protected by overhanging canopy, natural lightning strikes that occur will follow the ionized trail generated by SCP-XXXX's digestive fluid through forest cover and detonate the digestive fluid. This creates an intense localized thermobaric explosion that instantly kills its prey through thermal shock or explosive decompression, while SCP-XXXX is shielded from the blast by its mucosal wax. The corpse sinks to the bottom of the plant, which is deep enough to digest the corpse and gradually use its blood as the basis for more digestive fluid.
In addition, SCP-XXXX has evolved numerous unique enzymes in its chloroplasts that catalyze this fluid through sunlight-moderated reactions. The resultant products include organic sap, chlorophyll material, and a thick mucosal wax that protects SCP-XXXX from its own digestive fluid. Research is underway into reproducing these liquids’ numerous industrial properties².

Unlike other Heliamphora species, which are endemic to the New World, invasive populations of SCP-XXXX have been found throughout both the New and Old World close to local vampire populations. Its hardiness is largely due to its digestive fluid, which protects it from sub-optimal weather conditions and helps it retain water. SCP-XXXX populations have been cultivated and allowed to flourish as a result of their uniquely specialized diets outside South America: local vampire populations, which typically are only large enough to support one dozen of the plants per nine million humans. This has enabled it to play a large part in culling vampire populations to a level unneeding Foundation control, and has been accepted in use by the Global Occult Coalition per the 1945 Treaties with the Bavarian Illuminati.

Xianxia

• scp-2747 keeps trying to escape narratives by blowing them up
• scp-184 generates ever-expanding spaces
• what if 184 could be used to contain 2747 somehow?
• Ok I just thought of an scp idea

it's a department of abnormalities facility in china
with disembodied hands at computers that do nothing but post Xianxia fiction online
the hands are just plagiarizing and stitching together existing xianxia online
so it's like bot generated xianxia to contain this thing
the trick is that all the fiction is shared by a common theme of the cultivators trying to outrun a villain (implied to be SCP-184) that is continually eating its way up through the best warriors in the novel
until the monster defeats the heroes, steals their abilities, on moves on to another piece of xianxia

The entrance to SCP-5480

Item #: SCP-5480

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: A shrine has been built on top of SCP-5480 to conceal it, with a three-man security detail present inside at all times to amnesticize any trespassers and alert local Foundation assets for clean-up. The porthole on the south wall of SCP-5480 has been sealed off by concrete; all other information about this porthole must be expunged.

Description: SCP-5480 is a bunker underneath the center of the Kowloon Walled City Park (formerly the Kowloon Walled City). Access is granted via a ladder mounted to the bunker's west wall. The inside of the bunker is a single cubic room, 27 m³, buried under the ground. A warning light and siren are mounted to the center of the bunker ceiling; both have continued to flash periodically since SCP-5480's initial discovery.

A shattered porthole on the north wall shows only the natural bedrock under the Kowloon Walled City. Underneath this porthole is an empty receptacle for a dodecahedral object, with a small sphere attached to each vertex. The receptacle is inscribed with the label "DEPARTMENT OF ABNORMALITIES".

A monitoring console and two portholes are mounted to the east wall. The left porthole depicts an abstract, birds-eye-view of a wireframe labyrinth that appears to be gradually shrinking and losing complexity. A counter above the labyrinth reads "ENCRYPTION INCOMPLETE. TIME TO SOLUTION: [REDACTED]". The right port displays a wireframe image of a Minotaur charging forward. Text above the Minotaur reads, "ERROR: CRITICAL SCRAMBLE FAILURE". A single red button labeled "BREACH ALERT" is present on the console below each porthole; it is unclear what pressing either button does.

The porthole on the south wall is an extreme cognitohazard; any sensory perception of this porthole or what it shows results in the spontaneous physical inversion and exsanguination of the viewer, as if being turned inside-out and then torn apart from the inside.

Addendum: Discovery Log

SCP-5480 was discovered on 07/05/1994, when its opening triggered an obsolete security alert at Overwatch Command. The signal's location was identified via lookup in a pre-formation security codex and the south porthole sealed by Mobile Task Force Eta-10 ("See No Evil") after initial casualties. Per the three casualties initially found in the bunker (two by the CRT terminals and one at the ladder's base), SCP-5480 is thought to have been located and opened accidentally by Kowloon Walled City residents.

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> **Filename:** ladder.png
> **Author:** Adam Rosenberg, modified by [[*user djkaktus]]
> **License:** CC BY 2.0
> **Source Link:** https://www.flickr.com/photos/adamrosenberg/6468905339/in/photolist-aRCQbF-fpH1W-5wpzu2-eGuejr-dqVMXf-ab6q22-dAorM-8BXrAU-6oSCw5-8Cw9AE-s2YvQ-pJbueA-Ds2WwL-2gsij67-7Q2Pd2-28UXirq-8Cw2zh-8CsGjn-tjJ3f1-CnFDAU-379Tqu-5v6Map-8CwgeE-8CsJzH-2iDwJGV-afrdyc-afDTK9-b2PMf8-8H59Bf-YYoiWu-8CvUh3-gLvWP-ishMeC-depr3i-6JpSuq-GNp1d-9ccR4u-GNnzL-otkeqw-V1mRVt-6Lj5Cc-6Xbihm-bwCAVn-5ogoWH-Y4pxcv-7FyR7p-8Dk8cm-4yHQAj-aXZiFg-4wiXNo
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Captain Kirby:
And honestly, in that case I feel like you have a big missed opportunity with recursive city imagery when describing the extradimensional space.
I think I'm game with that general throughline, I just wish that you made a bit better use of the avenues for imagery you gave yourself
Like, 3220, and 5832 are like, effectively only imagery and people can draw the conclusions from said imagery which I think makes them punchier

stormfallen
Mmh…I'm not feeling this one. Maybe it's how recognizable 184 is, but I never got the "oh shit" moment from that that other DoA articles give. Also, "impending world-ending catastrophe with a single missing piece that would solve everything" is something I feel I've seen a dozen times across the site.
Also feels a little weird that all the references to the Minotaur and Daedalus's labyrinth would be entirely across the world from Crete, though 184's origin in Kowloon does kinda force your hand there.

ROUNDERHOUSE> what storm said - the 'doa hints toward a classic anomaly' only works so many times, and its way too obvious here to have any oomph — the rest was just boring
•ARD> ROUNDERHOUSE: you think the idea of “184 was used to make a maze for a Minotaur” has any legs at all?
7:07 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> sure but you'll want to invoke the idea of the classical minotaur
7:08 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i don't give a toot about making a maze for *a* minotaur, i care about *the* minotaur, yknow?
7:09 PM <•ARD> I used “Minotaur” here in the allegorical sense
7:09 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i liked the idea of the doa stuff being linked to obsolete security alerts at overwatch though

Birthday Skeleton

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: At this time, all further attempts to capture SCP-XXXX should be restricted to children volunteered by Foundation personnel; i.e. their biological or adopted children. For a checklist for appropriate qualities, refer to Document XXXX-1. To determine appropriate compensation for volunteering, refer to Document XXXX-2. A detachment from Mobile Task Force Mu-13 ("Ghostbusters") should be requisitioned for capture operations at least three months ahead of time, but are considered lowest priority.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a spectral humanoid tentatively classified as a New Era djinn, which looks like a human skeleton wearing a party hat. SCP-XXXX's existence is predicated on a metaphysical relationship to all human beings that were and will be born after some unknown time period, speculated to be in the 5th century BC. This relationship consists of a single exchange betweeen SCP-XXXX and a child when it is night on their sixth birthday.

SCP-XXXX will offer the child one wish for whatever they want, in exchange for the child's third eye. If the child accepts, SCP-XXXX will extract [REDACTED] from the child through the center of their forehead. It will then grant their wish, regardless of price. When engaged by Foundation operatives, SCP-XXXX has remained peaceful and cooperative. It has, however, been able to escape every Foundation sting operation thus far.

The primary danger of SCP-XXXX comes from the potential to grant wishes that could irreparably damage normalcy. SCP-XXXX engages with far more children than the Foundation could possibly intercept. Therefore, research is ongoing to identify SCP-XXXX's true name and thus devise a containment ritual for it. This research has been aided by interviews conducted with SCP-XXXX during sting operations.

Addendum: Recorded Interviews with SCP-XXXX

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Date: ██/██/████

Interviewer: Captain Agnes, Mobile Task Force Mu-13 "Ghostbusters"

Subject: SCP-XXXX

Context: Child was an orphan in a Foundation-front foster house. Instructed ahead of time to wish for an action figure from their favorite television show.

---

12:49 AM <•Croquembouche> I think you need to scrap the constraints of the comic and use it as just an inspiration
12:54 AM <•ARD> Damn
12:54 AM <•ARD> OK, thanks!
12:54 AM <•ARD> I might reframe the birthday skeleton now into a more predatory entity
12:54 AM <•ARD> like Koh, the Face-Stealer
12:55 AM <•ARD> keep the idea of "a wish for the third eye" but make it so the skeleton HAS to offer a wish at some point
12:55 AM <•ARD> he just found a loophole
12:55 AM <•ARD> I appreciate the feedback

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White Div

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Satellite footage of SCP-XXXX's present location is to be doctored such that its mountain cannot be seen. A five kilometer exclusion zone has been established around SCP-XXXX's location

Description: SCP-XXXX is a hominid skull missing its lower jaw. Several features of the skull, such as its shape and size of the ocular and nasal cavities, are reminiscent of Homo neanderthalensis; however, the skull possesses a large ridge running along its top like that of many herbivorous extinct hominids. The forehead of the skull has been branded with a pentagram inscribed within a circle.

SCP-XXXX was initially discovered by Foundation operatives on the eastern face of K2³, held in a copper-iron cage via iron chain. The chain was tethered to an overhang by an iron spike engraved with the letters "D O A". At the time of discovery, it was decided to leave the anomaly for retrieval at a later date; however, an ice fall collapsed the overhang and caused the cage to fall down the mountain.

SCP-XXXX was subsequently located in Canada's Yukon Territory, in the now-destroyed Caribou Crossing, when the entire population of the town went missing. tracks were made by something dragging the cage through the snow, using the spike to continually pull itself forward; the tracks led to the town's church, where SCP-XXXX still present in its cage but hanging from its spike above the pulpit.

An attempt was made to retrieve SCP-XXXX from above the pulpit; however, a minor earthquake occurred, dislodging the spike and causing the combined objects to fall and break through the church floor into a sinkhole. A search of the sinkhole found no trace of SCP-XXXX.

Over the next ten years, numerous other communities in the northern Canadian territories would be subject to similar

Addendum:

On ██/██/██, SCP-XXXX was located at its current point of containment in Persia: an artificial peak, approximately 206 meters tall, comprised entirely of fused human remains that were identifiable as victims of the aforementioned disappearances. SCP-XXXX was located near the peak in the cage, suspended from the chain, and tethered to the mountain by its spike.

Gods

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: Consult Chapter 12 — Section J of the Foundation employment contract for the full pantheon of minor deities that Foundation personnel are contractually obligated to worship. Uncleared personnel who recover or come into possession of documents with BRAHMA-labeled stamps are required to immediately turn it into the nearest RAISA-office and receive amnestic treatment or be terminated.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a means of creating deities that provide blessings associated with their divine metaphysical property. Since its creation, the Foundation has used SCP-XXXX [REDACTED] times to create minor deities which bless the organization in a variety of ways. Further details of SCP-XXXX are restricted to BRAHMA-level clearance.

An abridged guide of a few of the deities that the Foundation worships are as follows:

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Deity: Scranton's Anchor

Description: Dr. Scranton is worshipped as a side effect of the functioning principle behind the Scranton Reality Anchor. When Foundation personnel are informed of or witness a Scranton Reality Anchor operating, their belief that it is founded on principles of Foundation-understood science generates confidence in its functionality. This confidence becomes faith, which grants the Scranton Reality Anchors divine status and reality-warping abilities. As

High Priests: Dr. Robert Scranton

Transcript of a Communion with Scranton's Anchor:

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CENSORED BY ORDER OF THE FOUNDATION ETHICS COMMITTEE

+ Level 5 Clearance Required

Deity: Ethics Committee Deliberator No. 1, Embodiment of Fascism

Description: Worship to Ethics Committee Deliberator No. 1 is conducted via one's day-to-day participation in the Foundation. Worship to Ethics Committee Deliberator No. 1 has improved employees' morale, heightened their ability to follow directions and ignore moral calculuses, and strengthened the Foundation's projected political power and ability to coerce governments and act above social laws.

High Priests: The remainder of the Ethics Committee

Transcript of a Communion with Ethics Committee Deliberator No. 1:

---

CENSORED BY ORDER OF THE FOUNDATION ETHICS COMMITTEE

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

Eyes

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation agents will periodically sweep medical and police records within their deployment zones and identify cases with symptoms similar to SCP-XXXX. For medical cases, once the victim's identity is confirmed, undercover agents will move into the area and coerce the victim to receive treatment from a Foundation-employed therapist for six months, after which Mobile Task Force Pi-1 ("City Slickers") will excise the victim and class their death as a suicide. For police cases, Pi-1 will directly excise the victim and class their death as a failed mugging.

In both cases, the corpse will be transferred to the Foundation Medical Department for analysis.

RAISA and the Medical Department are currently liaising with the World Health Organization to have SCP-XXXX falsely classified as a legitimate medical disorder.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an anomalous perceptual phenomenon. Affected individuals perceive that they are being followed by the gazes of all subjects in visual media (drawings, photographs, videos, etc). This phenomenon begins as sparse, brief glances from the people in the image, which gradually progress to blatant, lingering movements, to repetitive slow and fast scans, and eventually to constant following of the subject. This effect progresses from the actors on the television, to characters in photographs and cartoons, and eventually even drawings of people or eyes.

The obvious initial discomfort aside, this phenomenon invariably has a negative effect on its victims' psychological health. Paranoia, insomnia, and psychotic depression are common symptoms. In addition, victims develop a paranoia complex around the eyes of people in the real world. This eventually translates to a maniacal aggression towards eyes. Victims will assault their fellow human beings and seek to destroy their eyes.

Notably, SCP-XXXX's effect has never actually affected the victim's real-life surroundings. No more eyes follow them or for longer than would be statistically significant in the human populace of an appropriate size.

Addendum: Trace Log of SCP-XXXX

SCP-XXXX's place of origin is unclear. An abridged log of notable recorded occurrences and their consequences is as follows:

• 1962: The first report. A schoolteacher reports to the local newspaper that some of the people in his television seemed to be spying on him. No followup occurred; it was thought to be a hoax.
• 1964: The seventh report. A Foundation researcher reports that the eyes on a television screen had started following him rather than the subject of another television-related anomaly. This was initially marked as a property of contagion from the other anomaly.
• 1968: The ninth through fifty-third reports of SCP-XXXX emerge. The popularity spike in televisions after the Apollo moon landings mostly likely caused this spike in occurrences.
• 1973: The 204th report. Foundation agents investigating the American Watergate scandal intercept personal correspondence from Bob Woodward to Frances Kuper, in which he reports nightmares of photographed subjects staring at him while he works.
• 1995: The 1475th report and the first outside the United States. In an interview with the BBC, ████████ █████ expresses the fear that British Secret Intelligence are spying on her through cameras and peepholes behind photographs in her residence. The Foundation promptly censors the report and amnesticizes █████.
• 2000: The 1991st report. O5-5, on Lunar Area 01, reports that photos of his grandson are spying on him.

---

Access SCiPNET Email? One (1) new message!

To: Researcher Brandeis Malone
From: Researcher Arjun Rao
Subject: URGENT: SCP-XXXX Deadline Tomorrow

---

Quick heads-up: the deadline on the object writeup was pushed up to Tomorrow instead of next week. Email it to me by 11:30 PM tonight. I apologize for dropping this on you but Overseer 5 wants to know why his TV's watching him now instead of later.

| last login: tue may 26 06:37:23 on ttys000
| > BMALONE:~ SITE_05%default$:
| Access Granted
| > open scp-xxxx -e -l 4
| Edit Permissions Granted, Level 4

| Item #: SCP-XXXX
|
| Object Class: Keter
|
| Special Containment Procedures: <Under consideration>
|
| Description: SCP-XXXX is the designation for individuals that gain the capacity to see past the visual camouflage of ENSLAVED INDRA DUMAH WOTAN, the all-seeing intelligence married to the Foundation till death. First deployed in 1965, the EIDW platform forms the backbone of the Foundation's surveillance network. It collects and filters audovisual data on the entire human populace to rapidly identify anomalies and phenomena in progress… |

Coasters

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX was explosively disarmed by Mobile Task Force Psi-7 ("Home Improvement") and deconsecrated by Mobile Task Force Alpha-6 ("Heaven Crackers"). Its pieces have since been melted down and used to construct components in tartarean engines.

Description: SCP-XXXX was the "Stardust Firecrackers" roller coaster ride. SCP-XXXX was constructed for the the defunct GOI-919 "Heaven's Skies Amusement Park" in 1965, until the GOI's disappearance in 1990 and the ride reappeared at the Bright Orchards Amusement Park in Cimarron, Kansas. SCP-XXXX operated at Bright Orchards until 2001, when it was discovered, purchased, disarmed, and deconsecrated by the Foundation.

SCP-XXXX was a steel coaster of the same model as the Jet-Star, notable for being one of the first to possess an an electric spiral lift hill. SCP-XXXX was themed around the concept of entering a meteor shower. As a result, there was a long dark section during which time the cars would be completely hidden from the outside, themed on the inside as riding the tail of the meteor.

During this section, selected riders would be apparated into an as-yet unknown afterlife. SCP-XXXX's method of selection seems to have been roughly predicated on late-20th-century American cultural notions of good and evil mixed with the Judeo-Christian concepts of sin and redemption. As a result, the coaster's properties remained unknown until 2001. For most of its lifetime, the coaster only apparated children. In particular, enough children went missing from the park that it was temporarily closed in 1973 on account of being a front for child human trafficking, before being reopened again in 1974. From then until 1990, the park continued to operate, with a focus on apparating children of minor ethnicities and/or lower socioeoconomic classes. On average, 17 children and 3 adults were apparated by the ride every year.

On June 14, 2001, 39 of the 40 riders who entered SCP-XXXX at 1657 GMT that day were apparated by the ride. The sole sinner was James Calmenza, a 34-year-old Hispanic male of Middle Eastern descent. Calmenza was interviewed about his experiences on the ride.

Interviewer: Agent van Simond
Observing: Agent Morlena
Subject: James Calmenza
Date: 14/06/2001

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

van Simond: Hi James, thanks for your time today.

Calmenza: No officer, my pleasure.

van Simond: So, Officer Morey here and I basically just wanted to get down your experience on the ride. We know you had nothing to do with it of course, I mean, aheh, 39 people? Insane.

Calmenza: Yes… insane.

van Simond: So! Let's just get this started and both get home for dinner, eh?

Calmenza: Indeed.

Please state your name for the record.

James… James Calmenza.

James, what is your occupation and what is your address?

I live on 711 Prairie Avenue, in Cimarron, Kansas. I am a carpenter for hire.

James, what were you doing at the time of the disappearance?

I had decided to treat myself to a day out. I had just finished… a large job, repairing the pipe organ for the Church of the Nazarene. It was quality craftsmanship.

No I mean, at the exact time.

Oh, ah. I was riding the Stardust Crusaders. We were in the… dark part. The tunnel. And I saw the angels.

Angels?

Angels.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

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Space Cowboys

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is stored in Site-19's Large-Scale Warehouse. Samples of SCP-XXXX may be requested via the Metallurgy Department. Samples of SCP-XXXX-1 may be requested via the Xenobiology Department.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a partially deformed bullet

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

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DOOM

Item#: XXXX

Level6

Containment Class:

esoteric

Secondary Class:

archon

Disruption Class:

vlam

Risk Class:

danger

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained on-site in Overwatch Command. Information about SCP-XXXX must remain strictly confined to the members of the Overseer Council. New Overseers are recommended to spend at least one hour per day for their first two months on-site in the meeting room to become acclimated to SCP-XXXX.

O5-13 has taken paracausal means to ensure both that SCP-XXXX remains in place and that Meeting Room 100 sees regular use. Meeting Room 100 should only be cleaned by robotic vacuums. The keg of Jim Beam 100 Proof and thirteen highball glasses kept in Room 100 are to be replaced by the Overseer Council on a rotating basis (see schedule in Room 100).

Description: SCP-XXXX is a large dial that resembles a water pressure gauge, consisting of a needle that tracks back and forth across a multicolored semicircular dial. The dial contains 100 ticks, and transitions from green color on the far left to red on the far right. The words DOOM METER are attached to the wall in large block letters above the top of the dial.

Upon looking at SCP-XXXX, the viewer will have an immediate and instinctive recognition of how close the Foundation and humanity are to irrecoverable collapse and destruction at that moment. This typically results in extreme anxiety, paranoia, fear, and other natural stress responses. Alcohol has proven to be the best means of dampening these responses.

SCP-XXXX was installed in 1969 by O5-13, shortly after the intra-Foundational Conference on Standardized Units of Anomalous Measurement which codified common units of anomalous measurement like Humes and Akivas.

Addendum: Initial Discovery of SCP-XXXX

---

Internal Audio Recording Transcript

In Attendance:

• O5-01
• O5-05
• O5-13

---

O5-13: What do you think?

O5-01: What do I — Jesus Christ, I think I'm, I'm — I need to sit down for a moment. I need a goddamn chair —

O5-05: Congratulations, Joseph. You've invented a cognitohazard.

O5-13: No, gentlemen, an eminently practical tool. This is the DOOM METER. [A beep is heard from O5-05's pocket.] One look at that dial and you know immediately just how fucked we are, excuse the language.

O5-01: I do my job by not thinking about how close we are to imminent demise at all time, thank you.

O5-13: Exactly! It's causing you to lose perspective. There's no better way to regain that perspective than by knowing how fucked we are at any given moment. Not only does the DOOM METER [beep] offer that perspective, it offers it in eminently practical units.

O5-05: And what units are those, pray tell?

O5-13: Dooms! One doom is defined as the number of shots of 100-proof alcohol you'll need to drink to stem the incapacitating guilt and fear about our impending demises within one hour.

O5-01: But how is that practical? What is that… fifty dooms? What the hell do you expect us to do with that information? How do you expect us to get three pounds of liquour in here, let alone drink it?

O5-05: Kilograms, Alan. One point three six kilograms.

O5-13: Fifty-one. Don't worry about the drink. Here.

O5-13 points to a large keg in the corner of the room labeled "Jim Beam 100".

O5-01: Dammit, Joseph, we've talked about this. You're supposed to use your abilities for emergencies only.

O5-13: We're at fifty-one DOOMS [beep] and you don't think this is an emergency? Drink up, you'll need it.

O5-01: How the hell did you even come up with these numbers? How the hell does that dial even work?

O5-13: Experimental analysis of course. I built the dial and then drank until I could look at it without heart palpitations. It's even a metric unit, for your convenience.

O5-05: Shots aren't metric, you — wait. Wait a goddamn minute. Is that what this is about? The goddamn standards conference?

O5-13: Standards are for practical measurements. Tell me one practical thing about Humes, Alan. One.

O5-05: Grounding reality benders in reality! I refuse to have this argument with you, you clown. Not all of us are in communion with invisible magic space daddies that granted us the position via nepotism.

O5-13: [looking at the reader] You know, in seventy years, history will agree with me.

O5-05: You're doing it again! Stop doing that - stop communing with the past or the future or some other plane of reality while I'm talking to you! That is exactly the kind of bullshit that Humes and Akivas are meant to counter.

O5-01: I agree with Alan. That party trick of yours is extremely irritating, especially when you step out of reality during meetings. We deserve a little more respect from you.

O5-13: We're not talking about me, here, we're talking about Humes! What the hell even are they for? Measuring reality? I'm Joseph Tamlin and even I don't know what the hell that means. The DOOM METER [beep] is much more - what the hell is that noise?

[O5-05 reaches into his pocket and pulls out a thick black box much larger than his pockets would allow.]

O5-05: It's a Kant counter, you son of a bitch. It's how you measure Humes, and every time you say "doom meter" — make sure that stays uncapitalized in the transcript — it tells me you're warping reality somehow to make it loud and thunderous.

O5-13: Fantastic! Can it tell you how I'm doing that?

[There is a pause.]

O5-05: No, but —

O5-13: Then what's the damn point?

O5-01: He's got a point there, Alan.

O5-05: You shut up, you've done nothing but have a heart attack since we got here.

O5-01: Me shut up? This is the thanks I get for defending you, Alan, you son of a —

O5-01 spins around to look at O5-05 and inadvertently looks at SCP-XXXX.

O5-01: Christ. My arm is numb.

O5-01 collapses backwards. O5-05 pushes the service button on the table.

O5-05: We need a doctor in here immediately, Overseer One is suffering cardiac distress.

O5-05 releases the button.

O5-05: Newton didn't need to know how gravity worked to work out orbital mechanics. Kant Counters let us devise and apply actual theory to reality bending studies. Your "doom meter" lets you justify day drinking.

O5-13: DOOM METER! [beep] Capitalize it. Give it the respect it deserves!

O5-05: Respect? Your meter is for the birds. Let me show you. [O5-05 raises his middle finger.]

O5-13: Kill the recording. I've got a few words for you will need to be expunged, you goat-sucking —

END TRANSCRIPT

The dial has only shifted once since its installation: during a meeting on 05/14/1984, O5-13 realized that the meter was jammed. He applied percussive maintenance to the device, whereupon it registered 98.5 dooms. Periodic percussive maintenance has ensured SCP-XXXX's continued operation.

Tetsuo: The Jello Man

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: None. The Foundation is currently attempting to negotiate with the United States of America for the release of files related to SCP-XXXX within their archives; if necessary, political pressure may be placed on the USA to achieve this end.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a synthetic food product known as "R-Rations". When SCP-XXXX mixes with human bodily fluids, it becomes a highly potent mutagen that induces severe phenotypical mutations in humans. SCP-XXXX only affects the immediate body part that contacts it, with extremely consistent forms of mutation.

R-Rations were developed by the now-defunct Kervier Multinational Food Co., a subsidiary of Kervier Incorporated, in response to a Pentagram-funded competition to develop a new type of full-nutrition military ration for use in conflicts such as the Korean and Vietnam Wars. While the exact composition of R-Rations are not known, Kervier marketing material describes it in the following way:

R-Rations are a functional-complete full nutrition meal. One R-Ration supplies the eater with 3,000 Calories. R-Rations contain all primary vitamins and minerals, and are nutritionally representative of each food group in the precise proportional manner

The first batch of R-Rations were tested within Callahan Air Force Base in the United States' Mojave Desert.

+ Ignore, brainstorming

• a 1950's dessert enriched with radium that turns people who eat it into mutants
• but jell-o salad already exists
• a bunch of townsfolk with Mutant Mouths
• and then one dude with like, a japanese Iron Man penis
• If you're going to do anomalous foodstuffs, then it should be a more synthetic '50s product
• Relating to additives or something
• Like "Real Bananas!" the totally banana-inspired plastic-derived Foodlike Substance

Getchoo

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The film reels containing SCP-XXXX are stored in the Site-42 Archival Media Wing. This document is maintained by a program script which continually copies all text in this document into a new file with the same name and overwrites it into the previous file's location in 200-second intervals. Testing with SCP-XXXX has been discontinued at this time; surveillance of the Walt Disney Company legal department is ongoing to ascertain their current awareness of and connections to SCP-XXXX.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a 49-minute animated film titled "Ricky Rodent's Great Train Adventure" that possesses potent antimemetic and cognitohazardous qualities.

Individuals who stop thinking about SCP-XXXX for more than five minutes immediately forget all information about it. All methods of memory retainment (including Class-Z mnestics) have proven ineffective at helping test subjects retain information about SCP-XXXX. Information recorded about SCP-XXXX in any medium rapidly degrades over the course of five minutes (i.e. paper material disintegrates and digital media becomes irrecoverably corrupted). The only storage medium for SCP-XXXX that has not degraded is the set of its original film reels.

Viewers of SCP-XXXX will become increasingly uncomfortable, distracted, and agitated as the film progresses. Initial reactions involve increasingly disparaging comparisons to the Disney character Mickey Mouse and assertions that SCP-XXXX is a poorly created imitation of Disney cartoons. Individuals forced to watch SCP-XXXX for more than 25 minutes express anxiety and paranoia centered around the ideas that SCP-XXXX has been illegally acquired and that they will soon be arrested for viewing it. Watching the entire film results in rapid, aggressive neurodegeneration consistent with the late stages of diseases such as Alzheimer's, Huntington's, and classic Creutzfeldt–Jakob.

SCP-XXXX's original film reels were retrieved from the home of [REDACTED] in Ojai, California. Accounting bills recovered alongside the reels suggest that the film received international distribution; furthermore, a cease-and-desist letter from Walt Disney Studios was recovered claiming that the film was a violation of its copyright and demanding that [REDACTED]'s animation studio stop producing and selling copies of the film under pain of further litigation. No additional copies of SCP-XXXX or records of its existence have been located.

+ Level 3 Clearance Required

SCP-XXXX contains numerous memetic triggers and audiovisual anomalies within the piece designed to increase the viewer's suggestibility to hypnotic techniques and demagoguery and diminish their critical thinking skills. Most of them appear to be prototype variants of those found in SCP-1425. However, all of the neuroprogramming triggers in the film are wholly nonfunctional, despite being theoretically sound. Furthermore, none are actually capable of causing SCP-XXXX's anomalous effects.

In order to determine how SCP-XXXX interacts with the human psyche, a D-Class subject was induced to watch SCP-XXXX in its entirety, while Agent John Jordan of Mobile Task Force Lambda-9 ("Mind over Matter") mentally probed the subject's subconscious. The test was overseen by Senior Researcher Sanjay Dupreeh and Junior Researcher Tanya McKracken.

Time	D-Class Description	Jordan Description
0:05	"Oh, that must be Ricky Rodent. He's standing in a train station."	"I'm seeing… Disney Land? Disney World? Magic Kingdom, I think. The castle's there. Looks normal enough."
0:09	"Ricky's trying to get something from a vending machine. Someone's watching him. That must be Rita Rodentress."	"I'm in the park now. It's flat emptiness — nobody's here, there's not even any attractions. I'm seeing the buildings now — they're all fake. All cardboard cutouts, covered in… something. I'll try to get closer.."
0:14	"The train pulled away without Ricky! He's trying to catch up to it, but his shoelaces are untied. He's tripped! Bit derivative of Mickey Mouse, isn't it?"	"From afar I'm seeing Disney propaganda, but when I get close I'm seeing the Mickey Mouse logo. Something's off here. It's as if the logo's plastered over all the Disney stuff, preventing it from activating. Not Disney but, when I try to recall the name it's like my brain keeps putting Disney into the space."
0:19	"Ricky found a little pump train cart. You know, the one you pump up and down to move? He's on the rails now trying to catch up. Pretty sure I saw this in a Goofy cartoon already though."	"Dammit, I feel like I lost a sneeze. I keep thinking of a starfish or a star symbol or something but all I see are fake buildings and plastered logos. The castle looks real though. I'm going to try to move there."
0:25	"Ricky almost caught up but he accidentally swung onto the wrong track. Sheesh, did these guys rip everything off Disney?"	"There's constell — constell — constellationssmokearchons in the periphery of my mind but when I focus all I can think of is Disney. Its like his subconscious — and mine — is throwing a giant Disney-shaped blanket on top of his brain."
0:30	"The bandit's threatening to throw Rita off the train. Listen, can I stop watching? It's clearly just a Disney bootleg."	"Wait, something's happening. The buildings are… squirming. Like something sharp and pointed wriggling around inside of them."
0:31	"Rita threw a banana — Look, I'm not comfortable watching this. I'd rather watch a Disney movie."	"Rats! Everything's full of rats. Real rats! They're all deflating, peeling open, there's pipes inside everything and rats are flooding out. I can't see the ground anymore, there's just rats everywhere!"
0:32	"I'm not doing this anymore. Can you please get someone else to watch? We shouldn't be watching a pirated video."	"The rats are biting me! I'm running now. Everything's coming apart around me but the castle is still there. I'm running to the castle."
0:344	"How did you guys even get this movie? Turn it off. Christ, I feel like you're going to lock me up again?"	"There's an open door in the castle. I'm going inside. It's dark, hot and humid and there's rumbling. But the rats have gone. I can't feel them biting me."
0:38	"Ah, headache… there's something seriously wrong about this movie. I can't stop thinking that the police are going to get me. You fucks are the police!"	"Christ. This isn't a castle, it's something wearing a castle. There's machines everywhere, gears and levers and pipes all rattling and rumbling. I'm on a catwalk of some kind, I can't see the bottom. Everything's furry, almost squishy. Like I'm in some kind of surreal animal? I'm going to keep moving."
0:405	"Now my jaw hurts. Is this even the movie? Did you fucks put something in my food?"	"I can't see a thing. I'm running my hand along the pipes to navigate. The texture is off. It's furry on the outside, a little hairy, like a rat. But there are patches of rough rubberyness. Like a… like, a starfish? Like a starfish. Starfish patches everywhere, but when I touch any of them fur and hair starts growing on them."
0:43	"My head is fucking killing me. Turn the movie off, Dupreeh. Turn it off right now or I will beat your fucking head in!"	"The rumbling is getting louder. Christ, the smell is awful. Like moldy wet fur. My nose is burning, dunno if it's the heat or the stink. There's something else too. Squeaking, I think. Something very big squeaking. I bet it's a giant rat."
0:47	At this point, the D-Class fell unconscious.	"I think I'm at the center. There's light here. The catwalk's running around a giant pit — no, a hopper. Looks like a sausage machine hopper. There's something black falling in. Like a long, black string - Holy Christ!"

At the 49-minute mark, Agent Jordan triggered instant extrication from the mind of the D-Class. At the same time, the D-Class developed the expected brain damage. When asked to elaborate on the final moments of the excursion, Agent Jordan offered the following description:

I was standing on the catwalk surrounding this giant hopper. I could see underneath that the hopper fed into a large machine, like it was making sausages. Below that, I could barely make out pipes coming out from the machine. They all went off into the darkness. At a guess, the same ones feeding the fake buildings outside. Some kind of black liquid was falling into the machine.

I looked up and I saw a giant starfish, strung up above it. Even though I couldn't name it, I recognized the thing immediately. And it was the biggest meme I'd ever seen. The mental size of that thing made Star Signals look amateurish. But it was restrained. It was strung up by what looked like paper-mache and it was bouncing on the string. The thing was ted

But it wasn't bouncing. It was being bounced. On top of it, there was this, this giant black rat with Mickey's face and it was… it was face-fucking the starfish. That's the only word that comes to mind, I'm sorry. Its mouth, its stomach? Christ, he was like a dolphin, this hyper-realistic Mickey Mouse just on top of the starfish fucking the hole in the middle. And the black liquid, it was oozing from the starfish's limbs and into the machine. And then I was bounced out of the dream.

I didn't extricate myself. Something else expelled me from the D's subconscious. I was busy being paralyzed by Mickey mid-coitus. What kind of metaphor was that?

I can't stop thinking about the fucking thing. I'd like to request a Class-C amnestic please. Something to erase the last two hours of my life.

In light of this excursion, testing with SCP-XXXX has been discontinued. Further containment efforts are to be directed towards the legal department of the Walt Disney company and surveillance of any anomalous undertakings therein.

---

+ Brainstorming

•ARD> Hippo: got an idea earlier today about a sequel to 3640
8:09 PM <•ARD> okay so
8:09 PM <•ARD> mickey mouse is a household name in cartoons, right
8:09 PM <•ARD> well who the fuck were his competitors? surely there would have been some people who tried to parody mickey or rip him off
8:09 PM <•ARD> well, they're gone
8:10 PM <•ARD> because the walt disney L E G A L corporation performed certain acts under the guidance of one Starfish, J.D. to wipe them all from human memory
8:12 PM <Hippo> ARD: the idea of disney's legal department engaging in anti-memetic copyright hijinks (or just wiping out competitors) is a pretty great one yeah
8:14 PM <•ARD> i'm still thinking about how to frame this
8:15 PM <•ARD> the skip would either be a ritual
8:15 PM <•ARD> or a film about a mouse
8:15 PM <•ARD> like "ricky the rat" or something
8:15 PM <•ARD> and people who watch ricky the rat get increasingly uncomfortable with it
8:15 PM <Hippo> hahaha
8:15 PM <•ARD> they can't say why
8:15 PM <Hippo> the seven strangers at a feast of micky mouse knock-off cartoons
8:15 PM <•ARD> in fact, they say that "ricky the rat" is even better than mickey mouse
8:15 PM <•ARD> but they don't like it
8:15 PM <•ARD> because they say it's clearly a mickey knockoff
8:16 PM <•ARD> even though ricky the rat predates mickey
8:17 PM <•ARD> I’m thinking of tying in Psionics Division and your monster shaped hole
8:17 PM <•ARD> People who watch Ricky the rat are super uncomfortable with it
8:17 PM <•ARD> Then they forget it almost immediately
8:17 PM <•ARD> Even when given mnestics
8:17 PM <Hippo> the monster shaped hole? in what sen—*oh*, right
8:17 PM <•ARD> Psionics Division decides to poke around their brain
8:17 PM <Hippo> (I thought you didn't like that one? Not that I mind, I love finding ways to tie things together regardless!)
8:17 PM <•ARD> And there’s a mickey-shaped hole where Ricky should be
8:17 PM <Hippo> haha
8:18 PM <•ARD> Hippo: I mean I don’t but I think it’s worth tying in
8:18 PM <•ARD> I’m a big fan of crosslinks that are planned and make thematic sense
8:18 PM <•ARD> It’s why I mention 280)
8:18 PM <•ARD> 2805
8:18 PM <•ARD> It’s literally THE HEAD OF WALT DISNEY
8:18 PM <Hippo> hahaha, god
8:18 PM <Hippo> metaphysician's skip about the factory
8:18 PM <Hippo> except it's disney-world
8:18 PM <Hippo> and walt disney's head is running the show
8:19 PM <•ARD> Disney Imagineering - the next new GOI
8:19 PM <•ARD> Let’s make it happen
8:19 PM <Hippo> but also yeah I could see that being interesting — I think, like — antimemetics seems like the obvious angle — the angle I would go for/investigate/examine would be more the idea of erasing them retroactively from existence
8:20 PM <Hippo> not that the antimemetics angle/psionics angle is *bad* that has a lot of potential
8:20 PM <•ARD> The main reason I’m not keen on doing that is because I like the idea of Disney always trying to maintain an *image*
8:20 PM <•ARD> Everything they do is designed to trick people
8:20 PM <•ARD> The Utilidors, the costumes, etc
8:21 PM <Hippo> but like, I immediately imagine a Cragglewood Park kind of deal; this cartoon or amusement park or mascot people remember, but doesn't seem to exist
8:21 PM <•ARD> Tbh that’s another reason to not pursue that angle
8:21 PM <•ARD> Cragglewood Park comparisons
8:21 PM <Hippo> Fair enough yeah, there are plenty of things already that are, like
8:21 PM <Hippo> "TV show that people talk about but doesn't seem to exist", ie weryllium's thing too
8:21 PM <•ARD> Plus retrocausal removal is stupidly common on the site
8:22 PM <•ARD> I think it’s much more interesting from a story perspective for Disney to have implemented censorship on the brain
8:22 PM <Hippo> is it? Fair enough! It might just be something *I* haven't encountered v. often (but that could just be a recent thing, too)
8:22 PM <Hippo> through their cartoons, maybe?

What's the progression here? What are the core motifs?
Motif 1: The industrialization of happiness
Motif 2: The rat butchering the starfish
Motif 3: Fake knockoffs

Posadism

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: At this time, the entire known population of SCP-XXXX is contained on-site beneath the Luskil House as per the Posadas-Luthor Treaty. Per the Treaty, they are not expected to re-emerge until 2154. As a contingency measure, the walls of the Luskil House are to be lined with radium-226 to provide false radioactivity readings within the house. Public access to the house has been prevented under the premise that it is located on top of a naturally occurring radon pocket.

The town of ██████ is to remain under surveillance for any incidents or reports of 'mole men' or similar. A detachment of Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") personnel are to remain on permanent watch in ██████ to track down and eliminate stray instances of SCP-XXXX with extreme prejudice.

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to an anomalous subspecies of human tentatively classified as Homo sapiens condylura, which possesses multiple genotypical and phenotypical similarities to the common star-nosed mole (Condylura cristata). The most obvious similarities are the presence of Eimer's organs⁶ around the face; other traits distinguishing them from Homo sapiens sapiens include severe depigmentation and longer, thinner appendages and digits optimized for burrowing and digging.

All known instances of SCP-XXXX consider themselves citizens of a nation-state known as the Posadist Republic of New Oklahoma, an underground colony inhabiting a large cave system underneath Luskil House in ██████, Oklahoma that adheres to the principles of Posadism⁷. SCP-XXXX possesses a general level of technological development on par with late-20th-century baseline⁸ but a capacity for genetic engineering on par with present time. The SCP-XXXX population relies primarily on genetic engineering and in-vitro fertilization to maintain their population, though they indicate that it is a cultural norm rather than a biological defect.

According to SCP-XXXX, their society was founded by Mary Luskil, a highly skilled geneticist and the wife of a local oil magnate. Although Luskil's husband funded her research, she failed to receive recognition for her work due to her gender; this, in conjunction with a trip to Latin America in 1965 where she met J. Posadas, led to her radicalization and association with the Fourth International Posadist.

In public life, Luskil was known as a recluse and housewife. In 1971, Luskil's husband died of a heart attack and left her his fortune, which was rapidly consumed by numerous construction projects of an unknown nature in and around the Luskil House. Mary Luskil disappeared some time after July 16, 1975, when a false ballistic missile alert was mistakenly triggered in ██████.

It is theorized that Luskil used the inheritance to fund the construction of the complex underneath the Luskil House that would eventually become the site of the Posadist Republic, and went underground during the siren malfunction under the belief that it was the beginning of a nuclear war. It is known that Luskil labored in her underground complex for the next decade, genetically engineering SCP-XXXX and developing a political manifesto based on the works of Posadas, until her death in 2000 from a cave-in during the construction of a tunnel to be used for waste disposal.

Addendum: Discovery

SCP-XXXX was first discovered by Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") on 20 July, 2028 after receiving reports of enormous burrows appearing near the Luskil House, which were thought to be tied to an SCP-2810 infestation of prairie dogs in the town. The team encountered a scouting party of SCP-XXXX instances within the house and established first contact protocols, after which a series of negotiations and interviews were conducted to determine the size, purpose, and origin of SCP-XXXX.

PARTICIPANTS:

• Albert Luthor, Representative of the Foundation
• Joseph Luskil VI, Lead, Scouting Party for the Posadist Republic of New Oklahoma

[BEGIN LOG]

Luthor: Mr. Luskil, welcome to the surface world. My name is Albert Luthor. I represent the foundation tasked with maintaining world normalcy and which claims eminent domain over the land on which the Luskil House sits. Please, call me Albert.

Joseph: Thank you, Albert. Joseph Luskil the Fourth, but you can call me Joseph. I represent the Posadist Republic of New Oklahoma.

Luthor: Thanks very much, Joseph. So, to business. As you might imagine, we were all rather surprised to find a colony of, ah…

Joseph: Mole men?

Luthor: I was going to say Posadists. Ahem, let me try again. Er, as you might imagine, my government was rather surprised to discover that a colony of Posadists had been living under ██████ for the last fifty years.

Joseph: We're surprised that Oklahoma still exists. We were certain that it had been flattened by the bombs. Still, it's recovered quite nicely. I must say I'm impressed, though I thought for sure you'd have renamed it at the very least.

Luthor: Sorry, could you repeat that? The bombs?

Joseph: Yes, the one that hit in seventy-five.

Luthor: Are you referring to a tornado of some sort?

Joseph: No, the nuclear bombs! 1975, correct? Out of nowhere, the USSR launches pre-emptive nuclear strikes against various locations in the United States, thus triggering nuclear war? ██████ was one of the first places to be hit?

Luthor: Nuclear — ah, yes. Joseph, would you give me a moment? I need to confirm something.

Luthor confirms the date of Luskil's disappearance on his computer. Joseph gestures towards the machine.

Joseph: I must say, that's a sleek-looking piece of technology you have there. What is it?

Luthor: Oh, this? My laptop. It's a portable computer. Anyways —

Joseph: Portable? Fascinating. You must give me one of those, it's remarkable that you were able to salvage so much technology from the war.

Luthor: Well, Joseph, that's the thing. There was no war. According to historical records, Mrs. Luskil went missing in 1975 the day after the town's emergency alarm system malfunctioned and activated on accident. It sounds like she thought it was a real alarm and went underground.

Joseph starts.

Joseph: It was a false alarm? The Founder's Exodus was a false alarm?

Luthor: Yes.

Joseph: And capitalism. It's still around?

Luthor: The Soviet Union collapsed over forty years ago. There are very few socialist states still in existence.

Joseph: Oh. Oh no. No no no no. You must be — you must be lying.

Luthor: Unfortunately not. This computer was designed by a private company. I can show you some news articles if you'd like more proof.

Joseph: Propaganda, you mean.

Luthor: No, we're long past that. Here, give me a second…

Luthor signs out of his Foundation account and logs back into the laptop using a safe account without Foundation access. He opens up Internet Explorer.
Luthor: Here, you can browse the Internet if you'd like. That little pad at the bottom of the keyboard is a touchpad. It moves the cursor on the screen. You can select options by moving the cursor and then clicking the button — clicking the left button — above the touchpad. Just type in whatever you want to search for into this bar here and then press ENTER. I suggest starting with the Cold War and the Berlin Wall.

Luthor waits while Joseph browses the Internet for several minutes.

Joseph: I admit, this is impressive. This is very impressive. How long have you been planning this? It must have taken months to assemble all of this.

Luthor: Well, we only discovered you exist this morning. I flew into Oklahoma on a red-eye.

Joseph: Flew? A red-eye?

Luthor: Ah, it means a late night flight. Like I said, this was all very last-minute.

Joseph: No it wasn't, no it wasn't. You can't lie to me. I don't know why you would or what the purpose of this charade is, but you must be lying to me. Ah! I know. Let me guess, this is one of the last places capitalism survives, isn't it? Don't lie to me, Albert. Socialism triumphed — it had to! It had to!

Luthor: Would you like a pizza?

Joseph: A wh — a pizza? Why a pizza?

Luthor: Well, Joseph, if I'm being entirely honest — you aren't the first doomsday preppers I've seen who went underground for fifty years because of a smoke alarm or something. Tell you the truth, you're the third one this year. And they all seem to give up the ghost as soon as they discover pizza. Funny story, actually, I was in Japan a couple months ago because Aum Shinrikyo — oh, wait, they were after your time — because a few Japanese cult members had been hiding in the Tokyo subway since the nineties —

Joseph: What's your point?

Luthor: Ah, sorry. I tend to ramble. Anyways, my point is that the world didn't end, we kept on ticking, capitalism is king, and part of my job is to prove it to you so that you don't rise up and try to overthrow some small town or sacrifice some startled tourists because we live in a civilized society. I can get you quite literally any material good on this Earth to prove it to you. But for some reason, it's always the pizza that does it for people.

Luthor takes out his phone.

Luthor: This is a smartphone. It's a phone, a calculator, a computer, a radio, a library, and really whatever else you can think of. Designed and manufactured by a private company. So! What toppings would you like on your pizza?

Joseph: … Chicken, tomato, parmesan, mushrooms, and green peppers.

Luthor: Good choices! Why those ones specifically?

Joseph: The Founder described those in her biography. Said she was never able to get the taste quite right.

Luthor: Fair enough. I myself prefer margherita. Why don't you keep browsing the Web while I order?

Luthor orders a pizza and soda for pickup and dispatches an agent to bring the pizza.

Luthor: You know, there's an old television ad from the '90s this reminds me of. Have you ever heard of Pizza Hut?

Joseph: No.

Luthor: They're a popular pizza chain — again, run by a private company.

Joseph: I get it, I get it. Private company, private company. You don't have to keep repeating it.

Luthor: Sorry! Anyways, in the 1990s Pizza Hut put together an advertisement for their pizzas starring Gorbachev.

Joseph: [making air-quotes] Ah, yes, the 'General Secretary'. You know, that's one of the things that tipped me off. Miss Luskil wrote about him, you know. He never made it past secretary of the Stavropol region.

Luthor: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Joseph, but truth is stranger than fiction. Gorbachev indeed made it to the top of the Kremlin. Anyways, back to my story — the advertisement. It's quite funny, really, in an ironic sense. Here, let me play it. Could I see my laptop?

Joseph passes the laptop to Luthor. He searches for and plays the aforementioned Pizza Hut advertisement.

Joseph:… How — grotesque. How absolutely, utterly despicably angrily grotesque! Mister Luthor, I have contained my rage and played along with your charade and let you try to sweet talk me but this is just absolutely beyond the pale! It's infuriating! Sacrilegious! It's a mockery of every principle that I hold dear and I will not be —

An agent enters the room with the pizza and a bottle of Coca-Cola.

Luthor: Ah! The pizza's here. I prefer smaller independent chains to Pizza Hut, but it'll do. [to the agent] Do you have any red pepper? Ah, thank you. Here, Joseph, have a slice. Want some Coke?

Joseph and Luthor eat in silence.

Luthor: You've been quiet for a while. Is everything alright?

Joseph: Oh. Oh yes, everything is fine. The surface world has been struggling under capitalism for seventy years and the founder of my society was a crackpot and she made us underground mole people but everything is fine!

Luthor: How's the pizza?

Joseph: … Delicious.

Luthor: See? Pizza makes everything better.

Joseph: Pizza makes — the pizza makes — the pizza tastes great but what under Earth am I going to tell my comrades?

Luthor: Don't tell them anything. Joseph, what have you told your pe - your comrades about our diplomatic meeting?

Joseph: We haven't. This was supposed to be a reconnaissance mission to measure surface radiation levels - only myself and my comrades in the scouting party know about this.

Luthor: Then let's keep it that way. Joseph, here's the way I see it. Nothing good can come of your society discovering that the bedrock of its ideology is a lie. It would tear you apart. Furthermore, the survivors would probably end up on the surface and then we'd have to step in and capture the lot of you. But that would be a lot of time and effort wasted. So here's a better idea - one that will keep both your comrades and my superiors happy.

Joseph: I'm listening.

Per the terms of the Posadas-Luthor Treaty, a small contingent of SCP-XXXX instances are to be informed of the true nature of current human society. These instances in turn will propagate the idea to the rest of the Posadist Republic that the Earth is still contaminated by nuclear radiation. as the result of automated defense systems periodically launching nuclear missiles, and will require 93 more years to decontaminate. To support this idea, the Luskil House has been designated as the official emergence point for SCP-XXXX and has had its walls lined with radioactive material.

Addendum: Manifesto of Subterra Posadas: The New Age of Man

We are preparing ourselves for a stage in which before the atomic war we shall struggle for power, during the atomic war we shall struggle for power, and after we shall be in power. There is no beginning - there is only an end to atomic war, because atomic war is simultaneous revolution in the whole world, not as a chain reaction, simultaneous.

Simultaneous doesn't mean the same day and the same hour. Great historic events should not be measured by hours or days, but by periods. The working class will maintain itself, [and] will immediately have to seek its cohesion and centralisation. After destruction commences, the masses are going to emerge in all countries – in a short time, in a few hours.

Capitalism cannot defend itself in an atomic war except by putting itself in caves and attempting to destroy all that it can. The masses, in contrast, are going to come out, will have to come out, because it is the only way to survive, defeating the enemy. It will be necessary to organise the workers' power immediately. The apparatus of capitalism, police, army, will not be able to resist.

Nuclear war is revolutionary war. It will damage humanity but it will not – it cannot – destroy the level of consciousness reached by it. Humanity will pass quickly through a nuclear war into a new human society – Socialism.

Yet even Socialism is not immune to the ravages of nuclear fire. The socialist seeks the ascendance of humanity, but she must first undergo the trials of descent. She must hide herself in the bosom of the Earth for untold generations, but she is not a subsurface dweller. She seeks fallout shelters and canned rations, when she should look to nature. Mother Gaia provides for her children - we need only adopt her ways.

Thus do we look to the star-nosed mole. The star-nosed mole provides all the answers; it is fully adapted to the rigors of underground life, with a grace and beauty honed to perfection by terra firma. It knows not competition, only cooperation. It is not fettered to the yoke of capitalism, but digs for its own betterment.

So too must we turn towards and into the star-nosed mole. It will be necessary to shepherd a new race of Man, to safeguard the knowledge and dignity of cooperation, until such time as the nuclear fires have subsided and the apparatuses of capitalism have consumed themselves in the conflagration. Be blessed, you Mole Men, for you are the meek that shall inherit the earth.

---

brainstorming:

1. Meet Mary Luskil. Brilliant geneticist but a married housewife. Her husband is fucking rich and he bankrolls her work but nobody pays her any attention because she's a woman.
2. Luskil meets and becomes enamored with Posadist ideology. Nuclear war is imminent, so she works to develop a race of humans who will live underground until the world is not irradiated.
3. Her husband dies and leaves her all his money - she uses it to build an enormous underground tunnel complex below her mansion.
4. 1968: the alarm sirens go off. Nuclear war is imminent! Mary immediately retreats into her underground complex. Five minutes later, the authorities come by and say "sorry y'all false alarm haha!"
5. Mary toils underground, perfecting and raising her mole men and indoctrinating them into Posadist ideology.
6. •Bleepandroid> ARD have them equipped with Fallout-esque tech and you have the perfect article.
7. Fifty years later, the Foundation accidentally discovers the mole men society while checking out claims that the Luskil mansion is haunted.
8. The diplomat mole men are baffled to discover that nuclear war never happened and capitalism is still kicking.
9. This is a big blow to them so they decide to tell the rest of their civilization that there are automated defense systems that keep launching nukes so that the mole people have to stay underground for an indefinite time.
10. Need to insert Mole Manifesto where the geneticist explains that nuclear war has occurred and the mole men will carry socialism into the future and that for now mankind must live in the darkness rather than die in the light.

ch00bakka> i'll be honest, the article just seems bland?
5:09 PM <ch00bakka> the manifesto is pretty predictable, the interview log leans way to heavily on "lol capitalism won"
5:10 PM <ch00bakka> it seems like mole-boy both sticks it out with "oh you're hoaxing me" for too long AND gives up too quickly somehow
5:10 PM <•ARD> the intent was for mole-boy to give up as a result of eating the pizza. it was just too good to resist
5:11 PM <ch00bakka> see, that just doesn't come across, i guess?
5:11 PM <ch00bakka> like it seems like the pizza comes and that just happens to be the point at which he gives up
5:11 PM <ch00bakka> because he doesn't mention the pizza
5:11 PM <•ARD> Ohhh, good catch
5:14 PM <ch00bakka> idk i feel like "oh jeez my underground bunker life is a lie" is like overdone? as a general trope
5:15 PM <ch00bakka> i guess mainly my problem is people being tricked into staying in their hole is boring
5:15 PM <ch00bakka> like that's the first mission of fallout 3

TyGently> ARD: I like it in general but the interview feels a bit too unbelievable and the ending is bad
5:28 PM <TyGently> I also feel what ch00 brought up in the other channel about it, about it being too "lol capitalism won" and relying too heavily on bunker life being a lie and just re-selling that lie for the next generation
•TyGently> ARD: I have another idea if you're interested in a full rework route (although I don't think it necessarily needs it)
•TyGently> so, same setup, but when contact is made the Foundation is prepared with a kickass disinformation plan

10:34 PM <•TyGently> they approach the mole people and say "so, we're the post-apocalyptic survivors"

•TyGently> so, same setup, but when contact is made the Foundation is prepared with a kickass disinformation plan
10:34 PM <•TyGently> they approach the mole people and say "so, we're the post-apocalyptic survivors"
10:35 PM <•TyGently> "we're good workers of the world, but there are still pockets of capitalist scum and the war still rages despite the initial exchanges"
10:36 PM <•TyGently> "we lack your guidance and advanced technology, oh star-nosed ones, but we think we could use your help to combat the capitalist scum's weaponry and win the war for good"
•TyGently> then they send the moles doctored footage and phony schematics that are nonetheless convincing by their technological standards
•TyGently> then they send the moles doctored footage and phony schematics that are nonetheless convincing by their technological standards
10:37 PM <•TyGently> and about half of the moles are okay with this and get to work
10:37 PM <•TyGently> but the foundation knows their one, fatal flaw — they're trotskyists
10:38 PM <•TyGently> so the other half of the moles is distraught that the nuclear war didn't go exactly according to their ideology and discards the foundation as liberal revisionism
10:38 PM <•TyGently> this results in a profound split in their society that, while not coming to blows, is so incredibly inefficient and passive aggressive that the entire society essentially faffs around instead of doing anything especially productive
10:40 PM <•TyGently> molerats: contained

10:40 PM <•TyGently> left wing: destroyed

Lazar> I agree with ch00bakka for the most part
10:14 PM <Lazar> it's SCP bread and butter — but not like, particularly striking in any way
10:17 PM <Lazar> There's not really any twist
Lazar> the interview is written fine, but the content just isn't any more than average — it feels like filler rather than the climax/discovery
10:27 PM <Lazar> playing up the fact that the past 60 years of transition to mole-people, with all its pain and suffering, was the result of a false alarm is absurd tragedy
Lazar> If you want pure absurdity, I think you really need to ramp up the off-the-wall bonkers stuff
10:30 PM <Lazar> Like maybe they're having a mini cold war down there
10:30 PM <Lazar> whereas ours finished in 1991, theirs has kept going
10:32 PM <Lazar> and then you have the Foundation having to moderate mole people carciatures of posadists vs. some like, Nozick-style libertarians

The Hand That Feeds

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: At this time, all information regarding SCP-XXXX must be considered secondhand from the archives of GOI-616 "Pentagram". There is no indication that SCP-XXXX exists in the wild, nor that it has been reactivated as an internal Pentagram project. The Foundation is currently attempting to negotiate with the United States of America for the release of certain classified files within their archives for more information on SCP-XXXX.

Description: SCP-XXXX was an artificial cognitohazard being developed by GOI-616 "Pentagram" as part of their ongoing research initiatives into memetic and informational warfare from 2006 to 2019. When applied to a human being, SCP-XXXX would prevent human beings who became aware of the applicant from ascribing political or ideological motivations to the applicant and instead induce them to assume that the applicant was afflicted by mental illness.

As a tool, SCP-XXXX's intended usage was to enable United States military and government actors to carry out assassinations and killings with minimal repercussions or connections to the United States themselves. Acquired documentation on the project indicates that the cognitohazard's various methods of action, including neural pathway stimulation, emotional response induction, bias amplification, and altered memory fixation, were based on research into media coverage, political debate, and shifting public opinions of gun control, gun violence, terrorism, and mass shooting cases within the United States. Documentation secured from Pentagram archives indicates that the project was mothballed after two years, when it failed abjectly during three attempted Pentagram assassinations of high-ranking ORIA members in Iran and Saudi Arabia, despite seemingly working flawlessly in its initial two test cases in the United States.

Notably, the details of these tests in the United States correspond to isolated shooting incidents at Foundation front companies [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. In both incidents, the perpetrator was a middle-aged white male who used a semi-automatic rifle to kill several other employees at the company before being taken into custody. Neither investigation into each incident found any trace of cognitohazards or memetic agents, and both investigations concluded that the perpetrators were motivated solely by stress, conflict with other employees, and other mental issues. In light of the documents recovered from the Pentagram, these investigations have been reopened.

Lotus-Feeter Machine

A series of anomalous videos that appear online, depicting people being followed by an unseen cameraman at foot-level who occasionally touches their feet, examines them closely, etc
(video-tapes them while they're sleeping)
Upon watching the video, you start to perceive sensations as though someone is following you at foot-level
Touching your feet, crawling behind you, breathing on your feet
After like, two days, upon climbing into bed, your feet are sliced off at the ankles
and then either you or your feet are dragged under the bed to never be seen again
Later, a video appears online showing you being followed at foot level and ending with your body being sliced and dragged under the bed
With the same effect on viewers
After like, twenty years of this happening and the Foundation throwing up their hands, a final video comes up, entitled 'walkin through the garden'
and it's a walkthrough of the gallery, with lotuses made up of butchered corpses
and feet in the center of them
and the unseen narrator points to specific, recognizable feet
so that we know this stuff was really happening
just one foot is, with a tattoo, i would say
i wouldn't butcher tons of d-class with this
i would only feature one d-class in the article, getting stalked/killed
Jean-Jacques Perrey is playing in the background of the final video — but only the final video

USAR

Info

---

SCP-XXXX: Man-Spider

Authors:

• A Random Day

+ More SCPs by A Random Day

SCPs

+ All Tales by A Random Day

Tales

+ All Hubs by A Random Day

Hubs

+ All coauthored articles featuring A Random Day

Page	Authors
SCP-150	Decibelles
SCP-3000	djkaktus, Joreth
SCP-4220	The Great Hippo
Overheard at Deer	ch00bakka
Samsara	TyGently
Chicago Spirit Hub	PeppersGhost

More by The Great Hippo:

SCPs

SCPs
[SCP-3034]	The Counting Station
DO NOT LET HER FINISH
[SCP-3035]	Science Bugs
case_of_the_mondays.png, case_of_the_mondays (1).png
[SCP-3054]	Cragstaff Sanitarium
You are sick. You are broken. We will fix you.
[SCP-3045]	bzzip.exe
HAMLET: I am no longer moody.
[SCP-3043]	Murphy Law in… Type 3043 — FOR MURDER!
Forget it, Fred. It's Chinatown.
[SCP-3057]	Fossil Fuels
…witnesses provided confirmation that instances of SCP-3057-4 did, in fact, have feathers.
[SCP-2639]	Video Game Violence
i need to know how many people i've killed
[SCP-437]	Summer of '91
That was a pretty crazy summer, y'know? Sometimes I really miss that place.
[SCP-3079]	300 Tricks: Stage Magic Made Easy
NOTE: No method for accomplishing this trick is provided.
[SCP-2753]	Let's Play Jenga!
High art carries high risk!
[SCP-2679]	The Many Graves of Jeannette Parslov
Whatever it takes, do what you must; whatever the cost, come back to us.
[SCP-3074]	Kafka's Parking Garage
Thank you for choosing Izatova Parking Center. Have a pleasant day.
[SCP-2571]	Cragglewood Park
Mr. Blair, have you always been an only child?
[SCP-2419]	The Laughing Men
Throw them back into the incinerator where you found them.
[SCP-3143]	Murphy Law in… The Foundation Always Rings Twice!
When it comes right down to it, me — them — hell, even you — we're all just characters in that trashy dime-store novel called life.
[SCP-3089]	That Old Time Religion
Remember how we explained that successful people don't actually need any of their toes to walk? Well, that's going to come in handy for Secret Number Six.
[SCP-3117]	A Monster-Shaped Hole
I'm not talking to you.
[SCP-3128]	Let's Play Monopoly!
Hey, guys? I'm, uh. I'm using this.
[SCP-3138]	A Sepulcher by the Sea
Should it prove feasible, all non-canonical corpses are to be extracted, examined, and catalogued.
[SCP-3241]	The SS Sommerfeld
It makes me wonder what an old monster like myself is even doing here, anymore. And then? Someone special comes along and reminds me.
[SCP-3219]	This Sour Earth
Notably, no reports describe any attempt to examine the residence's storm cellar.
[SCP-4028]	La Historia de Don Quixote de la Mancha
Justine eventually re-unites with her sister, Juliette. Alonso strikes down a lightning bolt intended for them both, then challenges the narrator to a duel.
[SCP-3546]	Doggone it, I Fold!
Specifically, fan-art of Sonic the Hedgehog, a video-game character produced by Sega in 1991.
[SCP-3561]	An Unfinished Work
Despite multiple reports from neighbors who claimed to have witnessed members of his family standing at the windows, no trace of Theodore Holdstock's wife and children could be found.
[SCP-4054]	The Seventh Door
SCP-4054 is The Seventh Door, an unlicensed platform adventure game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1988.

Included page "info:more" does not exist (create it now)

Included page "info:end" does not exist (create it now)

---

More information

More information

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---

{Fig 1.1:} Site of SCP-XXXX's initial discovery.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class:

Special Containment Procedures:

Description:

•ARD> conprocs: there's a portal at the bottom of site-42 leading to scp-USAR's containment cave. the bodies of MTF agents who have agreed to be organ donors are to be brought through the portal by a D-Class member and placed on scp-USAR's web. one week later, the eggs are to be retrieved by D-Classes.
3:34 PM <•ARD> description: scp-USAR is a giant biomechanical organism with superficial resemblance to a spider. its body is made up of dozens of conjoined human heads and its limbs are highly elongated conjoined human arms with polydactyl hands.
3:34 PM <Mortos> the heads that make up the body of the thing should all be copies of the donors head
3:34 PM <Mortos> and they should just repeat the last things they said before they died over and over again
3:35 PM <•ARD> history: scp-USAR originates from biomechanical organisms grown by prometheus labs for unmanned search and rescue applications. while actual USAR tests were unsuccessful because people freaked the fuck out, the foundation saw a lot of potential in them for exploring anomalous locations safely
3:35 PM <•ARD> so the foundation bought the lot of them and started using them everywhere
3:36 PM <•ARD> one day, a portal opens up underneath site-42 due to some unrelated nonsense. the foundation dispatches a bunch of USAR spiders inside to see what's going on — then the portal closes with these things inside.
3:37 PM <•ARD> a few years later, it re-opens. by this time, the foundation's run out of spiders so they send in a few Mole Rats to investigate
3:37 PM <•ARD> they find scp-USAR chilling on a giant web made of cheek flesh or something
3:38 PM <•ARD> one of the mole rats freaks out, gets stuck on the web, gets eaten
3:38 PM <•ARD> a week later, scp-USAR starts laying eggs
3:38 PM <•ARD> the foundation grabs a few eggs, scp-USAR doesn't seem to give a fuck
3:39 PM <•ARD> the eggs hatch, the biospiders all look like the eaten mole rat
3:39 PM <•ARD> and while they don't have his intelligence, the foundation domesticates them and finds that they work even better than the original spiders because they show problem solving capabilities of the eaten mole rat
3:40 PM <•ARD> cut to today: the mobile task force replacement program
3:40 PM <•ARD> end
3:41 PM <•ARD> my main gripe is that this will take a while to write, but what doesn't

SCP-4553 Rewrite

Original author: Atticus Birkett

Item: SCP-4553

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP 4553 is meant to be observed from a
5-foot distance hung on a wall. It should not have any other object, animate or inanimate, inside its containment cell without supervision and at least two guards on duty. It should be kept at approximately 5.4 feet off the ground at all times. A constant light source should be kept on SCP 4553 outside of testing.

Description: SCP 4553 Is a taxidermied deer’s anus with a wolf’s eyes, mouth, and fangs that have been sewn onto it. While 4553 is not inherently dangerous while in company with others, once eye contact with 4553 is lost, all animate and inanimate objects within the same room as 4553 have a wolf’s eyes, mouth, and fangs taxidermied onto either their face, if they had one prior to incident, or directly on the (non-humanoid) subject’s front. All subjects victim to this incident become hostile and use their new features to try and attack anyone they come in contact with, this instance is referred to 4553-2. 4553 should under no circumstance come into physical contact with any animate beings. Those that do are to be disposed of through lacerations applied to the facial region until the subject has expired.

Further research of 4553 finds that prolonged exposure to 4335 causes subjects to state discomfort that slowly leads to depression and with longer exposure- attempted suicide. One subject, D-████, became so depressed she intentionally put herself into contact with 4335 knowing she would become an instance of 4553-2 and be disposed of. Further tests of this kind have been permanently banned.

Addendum: Due to 4553's comical appearance, staff assigned to 4553 have adopted it the nickname of A██Wolf. While heavily unencouraged by the foundation, they are permitted usage of this nickname.

While 4553 affects both human, non-human, and inanimate subjects, SCP 4553 will not affect other SCP’s both animate or inanimate.

While 4553 has been shown to cause extreme discomfort and depression amongst subjects with prolonged exposure, in brief exposure, subjects state giddiness and joy, most likely prompted my 4553’s appearance. But even after separation from 4553, subjects start to feel discomfort and depression at the same rate as if they had stayed in the room with 4553. This seems to be prompted by some sort of “realization”, further investigation is required.

Vulgaris

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a standard humanoid containment cell in the Site-42 Low-Threat Wing. SCP-XXXX is currently scheduled for biweekly sessions with a therapist (currently Adileh Khayyam) to treat its excoriation disorder. As part of this treatment, SCP-XXXX has been allotted weekly extraction sessions: during these sessions, the on-duty dermatologist and plastic surgeon will extract the ripened comedones from SCP-XXXX's skin following the procedure outlined in Document XXXX-1. Personnel interacting with SCP-XXXX are encouraged to avoid skin contact.

Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

Apathy C

WELCOME TO SCiPNET DIRECT ACCESS TERMINAL. PLEASE ENTER COMMAND

ssh pcs.noitadnuof|nnyzok#pcs.noitadnuof|nnyzok DoomedKvasirSturlusonChronicled

USER NAME: Nicholas Kozynski
TITLE: Director, Area-67
AUTHENTICATION ACCEPTED. PLEASE ENTER COMMAND

access XXXX -r -m 3

DISPLAYING SCP-XXXX, MAJOR REVISIONS ONLY, CLEARANCE LEVEL 3

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained at Provisional Area-67 in the Australian Outback. SCP-XXXX and at least one psionic operator must be connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) at all times; both parties are to be monitored by medical staff to ensure that they remain healthy and SCP-XXXX remains comatose. The VR should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must be connected to both the Area-67 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

At least two members of Mobile Task Force Lambda-9 ("Mind over Matter") should be stationed onsite to execute the Drainage Protocol at all times and rotated in on six-month shifts; at the end of each shift, the Lambda-9 members are to be treated with the 110-Montauk Personnel course of amnestics⁹.

+ About DESCARTES and the Drainage Protocol

DESCARTES is a prototype virtual reality simulator based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Waldo Schaeffer. When a patient is connected to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality and stimulates the patient's brain to perceive it as real life without any cognizance of their actual life. At the same time, an operator with psionic capabilities can connect to DESCARTES and, aided by the machine, analyze and modify the patient's brain to parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite their memories based on modifiable parameters.¹⁰. At the conclusion of the session, the operator will then erase the patient's memory of their virtual experience; the operator will retain both their own memory and all memories and emotions extracted from the patient.

SCP-XXXX has been placed in a simulation that replicates its own life according to its memories; the simulation necessarily terminates at the point where SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties manifested, at which point it resets from SCP-XXXX's birth.

The Drainage Protocol entails having the operator continually parse SCP-XXXX's thoughts for anxieties or obsessive thoughts and then extract them before SCP-XXXX can register them. Although Dr. Schaeffer intended the Drainage Protocol to be only a stopgap measure, his research and notes on neutralizing SCP-XXXX were destroyed in an unrelated containment breach¹¹. As a result, and in part because of its effectiveness, the Drainage Protocol has remained the primary containment protocol for SCP-XXXX. However, the Drainage Protocol has severe side-effects on the operators involved, typically manifesting as debilitating anxiety and obsession. Because of the rarity of the operators and the loss in psionic efficacy caused by these side effects, amnestic therapy to remove the memory of their shifts as well as all thoughts associated with said shifts has proven to be more cost-effective than traditional therapy.

In the event that the DESCARTES module fails or SCP-XXXX breaks containment regardless, a shaped charge will detonate around SCP-XXXX's head and all surviving members of Psionics Division will perform a sweep of the area to determine whether the meme complex has been neutralized. If not, Overwatch Command is to be notified of an impending EK-Class End-of-Consciousness Scenario.

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to one █████ ██████, a former Foundation Researcher attached to the Psionics Division. Aside from muscular atrophy brought on by its placement in the VR, it is physically non-anomalous.

SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties manifest when it becomes anxious or experiences obsessive thoughts. When it enters these emotional states, it unconsciously generates a highly virulent cognitohazard which rapidly propagates into and infects other humans in a given radius with the same obsessive thoughts and anxieties; the radius of this effect increases with every active state SCP-XXXX enters. Left unchecked, infected subjects will lose their capacity for independent thought, consciousness and unconsciousness, and autonomic motor function over the course of several hours.

If SCP-XXXX's emotional state returns to baseline, the cognitohazardous effect will cease entirely. Any other means of suppressing this cognitohazard's spread fail entirely, though psionically-capable individuals equipped with orichalcum-based protection are capable of resisting the effect for limited amounts of time.

History: Prior to manifesting as an anomaly in 1999, ██████ had suffered from anxiety disorder and obsessive thoughts for several years. Following several unsuccessful treatments, he proposed a radical form of psychotherapy whereupon a member of the Psionics Division would interface with his mind and attempt to quarantine the intrusive thoughts and anxieties. Although the proposal was initially declined, ██████ successfully appealed to have it accepted on the grounds that it would provide greater insights into the field of human-psionic interfacing.

On ██/██/1999, Lambda-9 Agent Mako Amari interfaced with SCP-XXXX and attempted to quarantine or otherwise excise its anxieties and intrusive thoughts; both parties reported that the attempt was successful. Over the next several months, the entire research population of Site-122 began experiencing anxieties and obsessive-compulsive tendencies identical to those experiened by SCP-XXXX. Upon the discovery of this occurrence by the Site-122 psychology department, SCP-XXXX's experiment was immediately flagged and it admitted to having experienced a reoccurrence of its anxieties and obsessive thoughts one week after the interfacing. Agent Amari again interfaced with SCP-XXXX to excise its anxiety and obsessions; upon the completion of this procedure, all members of Site-122 reported the disappearance of their own anxieties and obsessive thoughts.

In light of its newly discovered anomalous tendencies, SCP-XXXX was placed on leave and transferred to quarantine to Site-44A (Foundation Center for Neurological Disease) for study and potential treatment. Three days after the second interfacing, it reported the recurrence of its anxieties and obsessions; despite being quarantined in an electrum-lined cell, it was able to gradually infect all individuals at Site-44A, as well as the neighboring sites 44B and 44C.

A third attempt was made to excise SCP-XXXX's intrusive thoughts and anxieties, this time by Agents Amari, Desmond Lee, and Malcolm Smith simultaneously. Upon completion of the procedure, SCP-XXXX was placed into a medically-induced coma and airlifted to Area-67. One day after its arrival, all staff at Area-67 reported the onset of identical anxieties and obsessive tendencies. Furthermore, over the next week, Foundation webcrawling bots deployed in Australia observed a drastic uptick in Internet searches regarding mental illness and keywords associated with SCP-XXXX's intrusive thoughts.

Due to the Foundation's continuing inability to properly contain SCP-XXXX, researchers discussed the option of neutralization. As an alternative, Dr. Waldo Schaeffer proposed using Lambda-9 operators to extract SCP-XXXX's obsessive thoughts as they appeared rather than attempt to excise them altogether. This technique immediately proved successful in mitigating and reversing the effects of the meme complex.

However, the extreme difficulty of interacting with the unconscious mind required all members of Lambda-9 to be stationed onsite to take shifts maintaining a connection with SCP-XXXX, monitoring its thoughts, and immediately extracting and absorbing all thoughts associated with anxiety. Dr. Schaeffer proposed using the then-recently-finished DESCARTES prototype to automate the process of maintaining a connection with and monitoring SCP-XXXX's thoughts; implementation of DESCARTES reduced the number of needed Lambda-9 operators onsite to merely two.

Analysis of the increasing speed and growth rate of the memetic complex suggest that if the Drainage Protocol were to fail, SCP-XXXX would instigate a complete EK-Class End-of-Consciousness Scenario within seventeen hours.

---

> To: Nicholas Kozynski (pcs.76a|nnyzok#pcs.76a|nnyzok)
> From: Desmond Lee (pcs.oisp|eeldnomsed#pcs.oisp|eeldnomsed)
> Subject: Neutralization Request - SCP-XXXX

---

Hi Dr. Kozynski,

Since you're the project lead on SCP-XXXX, I wanted to talk to you about filing a neutralization request form for it. I am genuinely baffled as to why we are spending so much of our resources keeping him alive. He's an absolute drain on Lambda-9 and it's getting increasingly difficult to keep the team together - I just got a report that Agents Langdon Jones and Kaede Watanabe had to be rotated off early. Worse, the psych team says they were still feeling anxious after the amnestics regimen. There's only so many times you can hose down a psychic before their brain starts coming off with the paint. And if XXXX breaks containment one more time we'll have a Broken Masquerade or worse on our hands. Psionics Division has reason to believe that the explosive charge around XXXX's head won't be sufficient; we've been working on the problem and have a few proposals we think are viable. Please email me back as soon as you get this - if you want to look at our proposals I'm more than happy to schedule a meeting to discuss them with you.

Thank you,
Desmond Lee
Captain, Mobile Task Force Lambda-9

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

Nanners

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is stored within an opaque locked box in the Site-42 Biological Materials Freezer. The box may only be opened if three people are within the room at the same time, and SCP-XXXX must be handled by no less than three people at any time.

SCP-XXXX shown during initial procurement

Description: SCP-XXXX is a Cavendish banana cultivar (Musa acuminata) that is almost entirely non-anomalous. The size and shape of SCP-XXXX are consistent with normal standards for a Cavendish banana and it is almost certainly edible. SCP-XXXX has also ripened and begun to rot at a rate considered normal for the Cavendish banana.

Any human being alone in a room with SCP-XXXX will experience an acute stress response that intensifies until the victim suffers cardiac arrest. No memetic, cognitohazardous, or otherwise anomalous effects have been detected; in all cases, the response is simply due to an irrational phobia, similar in its effects to nyctophobia, that is seemingly brought on by being alone in a room with SCP-XXXX. The phobia can be neutralized by breaking line-of-sight with the anomaly or coming within line-of-sight with another live human, though victims often fail to do either as a result of fear-induced paralysis. Live and recorded footage of SCP-XXXX is capable of inducing the effect; pictures are not, although some viewers have reported mild uneasiness when looking at them.

SCP-XXXX was discovered following the death of one ██████████ ████, a forensics accountant and part-time bookmaker, in Boston, Massachusetts. ████ died in his home from cardiac arrest; when his body was discovered, one of the officers investigating for foul play was apparently left alone in the same room as SCP-XXXX, whereupon he observed the banana and suffered from a heart attack, as did his partner and the officer who bagged the foodstuffs for evidence. This suspicious chain of deaths brought SCP-XXXX to the Foundation's attention, whereupon all objects in the house were secured for transport. SCP-XXXX was subsequently identified due to the stress response and death of the D-Class subject testing it for anomalous properties.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

D-26472: Okay, I'm in the - Jesus fuck!

D-26472 recoils and takes a step back.

Dr. Kontos: What? What's wrong?

D-26472: The banana! Fuckin' scared the shit outta me!

Dr. Kontos: The banana?

D-26472: Yes! It's creeping me the fuck out.

Dr. Kontos: …the banana?

D-26472: Yes! The banana is creeping me out, okay? Cut me some slack, fuck. Look at it!

Dr. Kontos: … It's a banana.

D-26472: It's a really creepy banana, okay?!

Dr. Kontos: I see. The banana is most likely anomalous, so please go up to it and examine it.

D-26472: Do I have to?

Dr. Kontos: Yes.

D-26472: Can you get someone else to do it? It's just really… it's really creeping me out, okay. I feel like it's gonna show up behind me or something.

Dr. Kontos: Alright, alright. For the time being then, just describe the banana and your reaction to it.

D-26472: Uh… um, right. Uh, okay. It's a… it's a banana. Looks pretty normal… kind of brown, overripe.

Dr. Kontos: I see. Can you describe your feelings towards the banana?

D-26472: Yeah. It's… it's really, uh, unnerving. Uh, the way I feel about it? Well… uh, you ever heard of this thing called, like, the Bon-Chong ghost¹² or something?

Dr. Kontos: I'm not familiar with it.

D-26472: It's this online webcomic about this Korean ghost, and there's this jumpscare right, where the page autoscrolls down and it's this full-screen jumpscare of the ghost and this really spooky crack sound. Like, the first time I read it I fell out of my chair spooky. And uh, that's kind of the same vibe I'm getting from this banana? Like, it scared the shit out of me at first and it's still kind of weirding me out.

+ Thoughts

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Banana_on_white_background.jpg

truffles> Here’s what I think is better
5:14 PM <truffles> A banana
5:14 PM <truffles> It doesn’t talk
5:14 PM <truffles> It doesn’t kill people
5:14 PM <truffles> It’s just a good source of potassium
5:15 PM <truffles> But the banana has an EFFECT on people. It’s not a meme, it’s not a coghaz - it’s just that when someone is in a room alone with the banana they freak out, thinking it’ll kill them, and die of a cardiac arrest
5:15 PM <truffles> They die of fright
5:15 PM <•Decibelle> too bad i dont eat as many bananas as i used to
5:15 PM <truffles> So someone in the foundation catches wind of this
5:15 PM <truffles> They decide to bring it in
5:15 PM <truffles> Test it on D Class
5:15 PM <truffles> Yep
5:16 PM <truffles> Nobody has survived being in a room alone with the banana
5:16 PM <DiePotato> reminds me of that image i see of an owl being very frightened of a banana
5:16 PM <truffles> But it’s just a damn banana
5:16 PM <•Decibelle> but the banana would rot eventually

•ARD> http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/4r4nd0md4y 2nd tab “nanners” please let me know what you think of it’s current state and where YOU personally would expect it to go. Thank you for your expert eye in advance!
10:45 PM <Hippo> ard: aaaa! that's a pretty good hook i don't know where i would take it I'd have to think tbh (also it feels weird to have my eye called 'expert' >_>) — i think there's a few mild word changes I'd make up until this point but nothing major it's all pretty a++ so far
10:45 PM <Hippo> like:
10:45 PM <Hippo> "The size and shape of SCP-XXXX are consistent with normal standards for a Cavendish banana and it is almost certainly edible."
10:45 PM <Hippo> instead of 'almost certainly edible' i would say 'and it is believed to be edible' or 'it is suspected to be edible'
10:45 PM <Hippo> i like the fact tha tyou're stopping just short of saying 'edible' because of how tha timplies they're all too scared to even try
10:46 PM <•ARD> Mhm. I like “it is almost certainly edible” specifically because of the aforementioned implication
10:46 PM <Hippo> (typically i am against phrases like 'it is suspected to be' but i nthis case it's fine since that's kind of the point)
10:46 PM <•ARD> I might replace “almost certainly” with “most likely”
10:46 PM <Hippo> yeah i think 'almost certainly' just feels too — informal
10:46 PM <•ARD> Yeah
10:46 PM <Hippo> like intentionally comedic
10:47 PM <Hippo> like reading through this — i know you'll immediately get a little bit of grouch over the fact that you're saying it's not cognitohazardous but it clearly is — that being said i think that might be your hook/twist, maybe
10:47 PM <•ARD> I guess my biggest problem with the draft right now is that the log’s trajectory is more predictable than that of an ideal physics problem
10:48 PM <Hippo> in that how could this possibly *not* be a cognitohazard
10:48 PM <•ARD> One of the other ideas I had for the draft was simply that anyone left alone in a room with the banana for long enough would die for a heart attack
10:49 PM <•ARD> There was no specific cause - everyone who died had something else that explained it - but for some reason it always happened while they were alone with the banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> answer: it's not actually anomalous; we are anomalously scared of this one banana?
10:50 PM <Hippo> like i mean there's some reason it's this one banana, but the banana is legitimately non-anomalous?
10:50 PM <Hippo> haha, i do kind of like that, but i don't know where you could take it
10:50 PM <Hippo> like the progression so far is, yeah, kind of predictable, but not in a *bad* way
10:50 PM <Hippo> oh, *hm*
10:50 PM <Hippo> I actually really like that idea too
10:50 PM <Hippo> like no fear or anything, just — people keep dying or suffering horrible fates and all we find is this goddamn banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> it reminds me of that one anomaly someone did — i forget what it was called — it was like, a screw? or a small device? and the only thing it did was trigger anomaly detection devices
10:50 PM <•ARD> I’ll have to take your idea about the cognitohazard thing into consideration because right now the only way to make the log any good is to develop morbid humor through the absurdity of people being scared to death by a banana
10:50 PM <Hippo> like nothing about it could be found that made it anomalous; it just *appeared* anomalous to all diagnostic instruments
10:50 PM <•ARD> Hippo: yeah that’s a Kate classic
10:50 PM <•ARD> I actually dislike it a fair bit lol
10:51 PM <Hippo> like that has a similar theme to this, in that we're left not knowing if we should be fucking terrified or if we should just eat the goddamn banana and go home
10:51 PM <•ARD> Mhm
10:51 PM <•ARD> I ought to play up that aspect some more
10:52 PM <•ARD> The idea that “yeah I KNOW it’s a fucking banana but my monkey brain is telling me to be very afraid”
10:52 PM <Hippo> darn it what was that thing called
10:52 PM <•ARD> SCP-2072
10:52 PM <•jarvis> ard: SCP-2072: Prime Ministerial Pet Cemetery (written 3 years ago by Kate McTiriss; rating: +235) - http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2072
10:52 PM <•ARD> dang not that one
10:52 PM <•ARD> .sea air coupler
10:52 PM <•jarvis> ard: SCP-2472: A Small Metal Air Coupler That Is Apparently Not Anomalous (written 3 years ago by Kate McTiriss; rating: +198) - http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2472
10:53 PM <Hippo> wow, sorry
10:53 PM <Hippo> my connection just went nuts
10:53 PM <Hippo> but yeah — that one
10:54 PM <Hippo> and like i can see why the air coupler falls flat for you (or anyone else) but i think this is a case where you could take that idea (which i think is solid, but is really hard to execute) and take it up a notch, yeah
10:54 PM <•ARD> I’m also a bit nervous about the bong cheon reference
10:54 PM <•ARD> Like my personal frame of mind for the banana is those creepypasta pictures
10:54 PM <•ARD> Like Jeff the killer and stuff
10:55 PM <Hippo> goddammit computer wth
10:55 PM <•ARD> You know it’s fake but in the back of your mind you think “but what if it’s not”
10:55 PM <Hippo> i keep getting 30-60 second lag bursts
10:55 PM <•ARD> Weird
10:55 PM <•ARD> But my concern with the bong cheon reference is arbitrarily dating the article and not in a good way
10:56 PM <•ARD> Like is it even a good reference - am I spending too much time on it
10:56 PM <Hippo> I think you're spending maybe too much time on it, but i don't think it's a bad reference
10:56 PM <Hippo> like I'd take out the footnote and have the d-class explain it briefly and that's it
10:56 PM <•ARD> Word
10:57 PM <Hippo> or use the footnote to explain it and have the d-class just say it's a flash video or something, either way
10:57 PM <•ARD> Cool
10:57 PM <Hippo> like that goes to that thing we talked to before re: verisimilitude, i think; you can have 'dated' references so long as you don't spend a lot of time on them — they can establish the sense of it being a real convo
10:58 PM <Hippo> crap — okay
10:58 PM <Hippo> i think the lag is done
10:58 PM <•ARD> I gotcha
10:58 PM <Hippo> HUFF
10:59 PM <Hippo> there's another angle i see, but i dunno if it would work — it struck me upon reading your containment rocedures tho
10:59 PM <Hippo> in that, whenever anyone is alone with the banana
10:59 PM <Hippo> with nothing watching
10:59 PM <Hippo> they disappear
11:00 PM <Hippo> like the banana has two properties: 1) if you are alone with it and nothing is recording or watching you, you vanish 2) people are ill-at-ease with the banana; it feels 'wrong', though they can't say why
11:00 PM <Hippo> and the foundation is trying to figure out if they should have someone eat the banana
11:00 PM <Hippo> I think having someone eat the banana might be your final twist/kick, IDK
11:00 PM <Hippo> like what happens?
11:02 PM <•ARD> lol
11:02 PM <•ARD> Maybe
11:02 PM <•ARD> That’s a good stinger though - someone is like “FUCK THIS” and eats the banana
11:02 PM <•ARD> Addendum: Neutralized
11:02 PM <Hippo> IDK tho part of the problem is that it really *is* kind of the air coupler — i don't mean that in a bad way, but i mean that in 'that's the challenge the anomaly presents to you as a writer' way
11:02 PM <Hippo> hahaha
11:03 PM <Hippo> by this being the air coupler i mean — the challenge is — that it's an article that, ultimately, isn't about anything but a faulty diagnostic system
11:03 PM <Hippo> (maybe)
11:03 PM <Hippo> like it's an article largely about nothing
11:03 PM <•ARD> 2472 is actually what happens when nobody tests edge cases
11:03 PM <Hippo> which is a neat idea and one i like but it's pretty challenging to make nothing compelling
11:04 PM <Hippo> i do like the 'ate it' / 'neutralized' thing
11:04 PM <Hippo> dunno how well that would sell but *I* think it's funny
11:05 PM <Hippo> tho you can go the other way too; instead of 1 banana, they end up with *2*
11:05 PM — Hippo x-files.midi
11:06 PM <Jekeled> if they eat it something worse needs to happen
11:06 PM <Jekeled> or that
11:06 PM <Jekeled> 2 bananas is good tooo
11:06 PM <Hippo> i also like the idea of escalation over nothing; like, a d-class thinking he has all th epower because he has the banana
11:06 PM <Hippo> hahahaha oh man
11:07 PM <•ARD> Hippo: a d-class eats it and chokes on it
11:07 PM <Hippo> ok lag again >:
11:07 PM <•ARD> But at the same time people cease to be affected by it
11:07 PM <•ARD> Object Class: Neutralized
11:07 PM <Hippo> but in case this gets through: d-class realizes they are not affected by banana
11:07 PM <Hippo> the entire power dynamic shifts when the d-class picks the banana up and confusedly just waves it at the researcher
11:08 PM <•ARD> Mmmm I'm honestly not too thrilled by that
11:08 PM <•ARD> I've seen a lot of articles with that kind of shift
11:08 PM <•ARD> Jack Ike has written a few, you yourself wrote one with the monopoly board
11:08 PM <Hippo> fair enough! also I *just* got your messages, haha
11:08 PM <•ARD> Ah
11:08 PM <Hippo> sorry i keep getting slammed with lag
11:08 PM <•ARD> Weird. Try turning your wifi off and then on again
11:08 PM <Hippo> I'm at work — i think it's the mibbit plugin? IDK
11:09 PM <•ARD> Hm
11:11 PM <Hippo> idk where I'd take this it's a fun setup but it's also a hard one >_> i do like the d-class eating and choking on it, haha. or they vanish and now there's two; maybe it's even like keter cakes, but with fear
11:12 PM <•ARD> the next day: there is a giant banana where the d-class used to be
11:12 PM <Hippo> hahaha
11:13 PM ↔ Hippo nipped out
11:16 PM <Hippo> Okay, I'm connected through another plugin entirely. I think it's definitely the wiki's plug-in; it wouldn't even load after I got disconnected.
11:17 PM <Hippo> Another possibly really dumb idea: Make the banana the 2740 of foods.
11:17 PM <Hippo> Instead of trying to enter the attic, people keep trying to eat it, but they can't remember even making the attempt.
11:18 PM <Hippo> Like, they just try to *peel* the banana, and they can't; it's like their attempts are retrocausally erased.
11:19 PM <Hippo> (Also, sorry that I don't have a distinct answer for this; it's a problem with a *lot* of different possible approaches!)
11:19 PM <•ARD> Yeah no worries
11:20 PM <•ARD> I want to keep it very simple
11:20 PM <•ARD> The 2740 of foods is a silly idea but it lacks the absurd horror I want to go for
11:21 PM <Hippo> Yeah. Hm. I think — like, with something as simple as a banana, the only way you get to horror is through implication. My immediate thoughts go to the act of peeling the banana, and the implication of peeling a human similarly.
11:21 PM <•ARD> Hmmm
11:22 PM <Hippo> Like, this isn't what you're going for, but as an example — imagine an article where the Foundation can't tell the difference between a D-Class personnel and the banana.
11:22 PM <Hippo> And so, the 'stinger' is the very simple, very abrupt mention of having peeled the object, with the reader knowing the object is, in fact, the D-Class.
11:23 PM <Hippo> (Possibly by way of simply mentioning that after peeling, it was determined that the subject ceased moving, or was red, etc)
11:27 PM <Hippo> (alternatively, it could be bananaphone. But not really. Please don't do bananaphone)
11:40 PM → shaggydredlocks joined (~ten.tsacmoc.ap.1dsh.33C68502-CRInys|tibbiM#ten.tsacmoc.ap.1dsh.33C68502-CRInys|tibbiM)
11:51 PM <•ARD> Lol

Krank

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX is a drilling rig located at the bottom of an abandoned granite quarry in [Somewhere], Massachusetts. Although the quarry has been abandoned since at least 1961, the rig has continued to operate. The quarry around the rig is subject to minor anomalous phenomena: all groundwater that enters the quarry will flow towards SCP-XXXX, up the surrounding support structure, and into the borehole. Furthermore, the borehole continuously emits copious quantities of Cherenkov radiation. Measurements of the borehole's depth as well as documentation from the quarry suggest that it extends to the Earth's inner core and is increasing in depth; it is unclear how the drill is able to operate under such extreme conditions.

SCP-XXXX was designed as a doomsday eigenweapon, commissioned by the Pentagram and jointly constructed by Kervier International and a third party codenamed Black Eagle, during the Cold War as a scorched-earth policy: the weapon is controlled by a primitive artificial intelligence that is networked into all major US telecommunications networks and frequencies and is capable of parsing information transmitted therein. In case of a global socioeconomic shift towards ideologies typically associated with Communism, the weapon would detonate its payload within the Earth's core. It is unclear what effects would ensue, though the intended effect was likely the total destruction of the planet.

SCP-XXXX's drill bit simultaneously acts as its payload; while the exact composition and origin of the material are unknown, records recovered from Kervier International suggest that it was recovered by the Army Corps of Engineers in 195█ at ██████ █████, ████████ ███████. The material used to make the drill bit was then transferred to Kervier International at some point prior to 1960.

SCP-XXXX's derrick is entirely automated, although its power source and the source of its drill string are unknown. The drill string is automatically dispensed from within the derrick into the borehole at a rate of 60 meters per hour; examination of the string have revealed the presence of human nervous tissue laced into it.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

2350 Addendum

Addendum: Executive Brief, Investigative Report Kukulkan

Testimony from internal sources suggests that the Chemical Corps collaborated with the CIA and a third party codenamed "Black Eagle" to develop SCP-2350, using test subjects from project MKUltra to produce and refine the agent. While the CIA were responsible for procuring test subjects and the Chemical Corps developed the mortar system, the actual development of SCP-XXXX apparently fell to "Black Eagle". Because the majority of the CIA's files on MKUltra were destroyed in 1973 and none of the surviving files reference Black Eagle in any way, verification of this information is difficult. However, the existence of Black Eagle is supported by classified files related to the United States Space Program.

All knowledge of Black Eagle's involvement with SCP-2350 comes from testimony compelled from [REDACTED] (codenamed Rockefeller), a member of the Chemical Corps who worked on the mortar system.

Before I say anything I want to make it clear that I had no actual say in the project. I was just following orders. I don't know who started the project, who ran it, or who Black Eagle was. My job was just to record the… the sound.

Uh… where do you want me to start?

Black Eagle? Uh… okay. Um… I have no idea who Black Eagle is. I still don't. What I do know is that by 1955 Project DESPERADO was on the verge of being shut down. We used it in Korea but not nearly enough to justify its expense. And it was expensive. It cost something like five million dollars to make just one of the damn things. We would've gotten a better return on investment by just firing burning wads of bills at the North Koreans. The CIA was about to pull the plug - the CIA, of all people. The problem wasn't recording the sound, it was making it.

I don't know the science behind it - I still don't - but I was told we used actual psychics to produce it. People with honest-to-god psychic abilities. Until 1955, the way it worked was that the CIA would bring in folks seemingly pulled off the god damn street - crackheads and whoremongerers - and run a battery of tests on them, dosing them up to their eyes in LSD and seeing what happened. Then, while they were still high off their asses, we would basically stick them in a room filled with mosquitoes and record the sounds they made. We had to run the sound through a special kind of filter - it was a total blackbox, I don't know how it worked - and then we would put it on magnetic tape, test it, and load it into the mortars. The problem is that something like 99.9% of all the tapes were worthless. For every thousand tapes we made, we got one recording that created the mosquito bites properly. And it was costing a fortune to bring these people in, run all the tests, make LSD for them, buy magnetic tape, etc etc and so on - and we were doing this a thousand times to get one tape. And the tape degraded! Over time the damn thing would wear off, so that two weeks after it was recorded you couldn't get the effects out of it anymore. So we had to keep on doing it, and it wasn't doing enough to justify the expense.

That's when Black Eagle came in.

I don't know who Black Eagle was or who worked for them, but I saw what they did. I stopped seeing druggies and crackheads and started seeing Russians. Little kids. Mentally ill people. The people I thought not even the CIA would stoop to. And they brought in war vets - guys who'd been to Guadalcanal and the Pacific Islands and all that - and dosed all of them, the kids and Russians and vets. All of them were soaked up to the eyes in LSD, and the spooks surgically removed the top their damn skulls off and jammed probes into their brains. And they wired the probes to each other, so you had probes going from a sixty year old man who killed twenty men in Guadalcanal into a six year old girl.

saddest necrophile

+ Thoughts

Cyan|bed> the interview was uncomfortable
1:07 AM <HippoWriting> that last bit made me go 'uuh O_O'
Cyan|bed> i think the angle would be better if this were so organized that people consented to reanimation before death
1:09 AM <Cyan|bed> instead of just… not consenting
•ARD> Cyan|bed: Marlowe goes around offering sex workers a safe, comfortable, progressive place to work in exchange for use of their bodies after they die
1:20 AM <•ARD> Good pay, healthcare, etc etc
1:20 AM <•ARD> The only downside is that you become a sex zombie
•ARD> I'd prefer the sex zombies to be themselves again
1:21 AM <•ARD> "Yeah, I'm a zombie but honestly? It pays the bills, I'm alive, Bob is a good boss. Plus, I can't get syphilis"
1:25 AM <Hippo> Thinking on this, they sign the contract and agree to come back as zombies and continue working as prostitutes for X number of years
1:25 AM <Hippo> But after that they're free to do whatever because like
1:25 AM <Hippo> They're *zombies* wtf do they care about money anymore
1:25 AM <Hippo> They don't need to eat or drink do they
1:26 AM <•ARD> yeah once they get old and saggy they're off to do whatever zombies do
1:26 AM <•ARD> Marlowe can just hire new ones

TL;DR marlowe is kinda rapey. Make things more consensual. He's a good boss, pays well, has healthcare - all you gotta do is agree to be revived as a zombie and work a few more years after you die and then you're off as an immortal zombie.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX's remains are stored in the Site-42 Morgue. No other containment procedures are necessary at this time.

Description: SCP-XXXX was Robert Marlowe, a member of GoI-001 ("The Chicago Spirit"). Marlowe's only anomalous property was his ability to revive deceased individuals by [DATA EXPUNGED]; individuals revived in this manner, termed SCP-XXXX-1, became devoted to SCP-XXXX, treating him as a father figure and following his commands without question. Marlowe used this ability to assemble a workforce of prostitutes and establish a profitable line of brothels in California.

Marlowe's success in this area led to meeting Richard Chappell, the leader of the Chicago Spirit, in 1918. Although Chappell reportedly disapproved of Marlowe's abilities, he recognized Marlowe's business acumen and facilitated his rapid rise to the position of caporegime of the Chicago Spirit's West Coast operations. By 1920, Marlowe oversaw all of the Spirit's illegal activity in California, Washington State, Oregon, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. His continued success contributed significantly to the Spirit's rise to power in the United States.

On 16 July 1930, Marlowe committed suicide in his home via gunshot; interviews with Marlowe's subordinates suggest that he suffered from undiagnosed clinical depression. Upon Marlowe's death, all instances of SCP-XXXX-1 became inert corpses. The Foundation had been investigating his connections to the Chicago Spirit for approximately six months at the time; upon the death of the SCP-XXXX-1 instances, the Foundation initiated containment and coverup operations. Marlowe's death and the subsequent inability of his successors to maintain their hold on the Western criminal underworld contributed significantly to the declining fortunes of the Chicago Spirit.

Addendum:

+ Interview with Marcus Macdonald

Date: 25 July, 1931

Interviewer: Dr. Smith

[BEGIN LOG]

[EXTRANEOUS INTRODUCTIONS OMITTED]

Macdonald: Cut to the chase. You wanna know about Bob, right?

Smith: Uh, yes. We're looking to gather more information on the late Mr. Marlowe.

Macdonald: Fine. Shoot.

Macdonald: Nah, Bob loved his girls. All of us, really. He was always lookin' out for us, keeping Chappell off our back, Good ol' Bob.

Macdonald: How stupid you think we were? What were we gonna do, ask "Hey Boss, how'd you find out you could fuck people back to life?" You really think we wanted to answer that question? Get outta here.

Macdonald: Tell you the truth… I think Bob mighta been a queer. He was never interested in any of his girls, least not that I saw. And there was that one time… one of the girls, uh, Barb, I think, one of her clients got a bit too rough with her. I remember both her eyes looking like peaches. Bob had the bouncers take the guy to the basement. Week later, the poor bastard was behind the bar, looking happy as a clam and just as green around the gills if you know what I mean.

Macdonald: Damn shame about Bob. Even if he did take it up the ass, he was the best boss I ever had and a damn good man.

TURBO TEEN

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in a secure locker at Site-42. SCP-XXXX may only be inserted into automobiles for testing procedures. Once per day, SCP-XXXX should be inserted into a test vehicle (currently a 1997 Toyota Corolla), and SCP-XXXX-1 is to be provided with one gram of cocaine.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a car key of indeterminate make and manufacture that can be inserted into any automobile and used to start the ignition. When SCP-XXXX is used to start an automobile, the vehicle will become transmogrified into a teenage girl of variable ethnicity, termed SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-1's ethnicity will match the country of origin of the tested vehicle; the color and design of its clothing depends on the color and car model. Regardless of the vehicle used, SCP-XXXX-1 maintains a consistent consciousness and memory. It identifies itself as "Murakami Killswitch", and claims to be a demon summoned by a member of an anomalous criminal group called the Chicago Spectre.

Human beings that sit inside a vehicle started with SCP-XXXX will be affected by the transmogrification; SCP-XXXX-1 reports that their consciousnesses exist in its mind as part of its phonological loop until it returns to its car form. D-class subjects used to test SCP-XXXX report an out-of-body experience, wherein they are sitting in the test vehicle, but the world outside is from SCP-XXXX-1's viewpoint. If a person was sitting in the driver's seat when the ignition was started, that person will be able to control SCP-XXXX-1's movement using the steering wheel and pedals. SCP-XXXX-1 can be reverted back into a vehicle by stopping the car and removing SCP-XXXX from the ignition; subjects sitting inside the vehicle will also reappear. For its part, SCP-XXXX-1 maintains that it has full control over itself at all times.

Addendum: Interview XXXX-1

+ Show interview log

In SCP-XXXX's first test, it was inserted into an orange 2000 Toyota Corolla by D-18731, and promptly transmogrified into an Asian woman wearing an orange sundress. Dr. Freeman conducted a post-test interview with D-18731 after SCP-XXXX-1 transmogrified back into a Toyota Corolla.

Date: 18 February, 2018

Interviewer: Dr. Freeman

[BEGIN LOG]

Freeman: Okay, D-18731, let's start simple. What happened to you after you turned on the ignition?

D-18731: I dunno… it's kind of hard to remember. Feels like I just took a nap. Uh, I was in the car. I know I was sitting in the driver's seat. But… the perspective was all wrong.

Freeman: I see. Can you elaborate on what you mean by the perspective being wrong?

D-18731: Uh, it's kind of hard to say. I can barely remember it. I could see you outside the car. But like, you were huge or really tall or something. I think you were talking? Like, I think you were talking but I don't remember what you said.

Freeman: Interesting. It sounds almost like you were dreaming.

D-18731: Yeah - hey, yeah! A dream! It felt like I was dreaming! I dreamed I was in the car and you were there and you were huge and I think you were talking and then I pulled the key out and then I woke up in the car. What a lame dream.

Addendum: Interview XXXX-2

+ Show interview log

In SCP-XXXX's first test, it was inserted into an orange 2000 Toyota Corolla by D-18731, and promptly transmogrified into an Asian woman wearing an orange sundress. In accordance with humanoid testing and ethical protocols, Dr. Freeman conducted an on-site interview with SCP-XXXX-1.

Date: 18 February, 2018

Interviewer: Dr. Freeman

[BEGIN LOG]

SCP-XXXX-1: You're not the bossman.

Freeman: Excuse me?

SCP-XXXX-1: Oh, I'm sorry. Ahem. Hi! I'm Murakami Killswitch. I need some coke - oh, I'm sorry, cocaine - like, right now, or uh, I'm gonna open up a hellgate and kill everyone within ten kilometers in the process! Like, a gram or two is good, please and thank you!

Freeman: Er, we'll see what we can do.

Freeman directs his assistant, Junior Researcher Maslow, to go to the Site-42 Pharmaceutical Wing.

Freeman: I've sent my assistant to see if we have any, ah, cocaine. In the meantime, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

SCP-XXXX-1: Coke first. Questions later.

SCP-XXXX-1: I guess the Inside Man didn't need me anymore! Boys, am I right? He wanted to get rid of me and the Revenants at once - don't even get me started on that little rivalry - so he probably dropped me off near their headquarters! Then once the contract was broken, I'd go home and use their souls to open the gate! You know how it is!

• murakami killswitch isn't a girl bonded to a demon it's a demon that straight up consumed its host soul and took the body over. It's retained in this dimension by cocaine because that drug represents some of the worst of human excess. If it doesn't get its weekly fill it'll open a gateway back to hell powered by the souls of everyone around it.
• the inside man summoned it to be a useful getaway car and once he was done with it he dropped it off at a rival gangs headquarters in 3P so they'd all be killed when it reopened the gate. Unfortunately for him it was picked up by a joint foundation/UIU raid the next day which is how killswitch was recovered
• An unassuming car key of indeterminate make
• When used to start a car, the car transforms into a teenage girl
• Blanks out when not starting car
• Girl's ethnicity and look dependent on car make
• People sitting in the car become voices in head, report out of body experiences seeing life through the girl
• Getaway driver for Chicago Spirit, holds people and loot
• Tells everything in exchange for "amnesty"

Hellbillies

██████████

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: No containment procedures are necessary. SCP-XXXX's remains are stored in the Site-42 Biological Containment Freezer. All documentation regarding SCP-XXXX is stored in the Archive Wing of Site-42. The town of White Cross Falls has been repurposed into a Foundation site to care for senior personnel and personnel disabled in the line of duty.

Description: SCP-XXXX was a tartarean entity that existed in this universe as a large, bipedal, porcine entity, and was worshiped as the deity "Filluvkraft, the Harbinger of Purity" by the residents of the town of White Cross Falls, Georgia. In exchange for human sacrifices, SCP-XXXX ensured enhanced growth of the crops and livestock of the primarily agricultural community, a consistent phenotype of blue eyes and blond hair in children born within the town's borders, and that the disappearance of all individuals sacrificed to it would go relatively unnoticed.

Documentation recovered from the town, interviews with survivors, and recovered folk legends suggest that SCP-XXXX was either summoned or created by one John Gordon¹³ shortly after the end of the Civil War. Before the Civil War, White Cross Falls was a prosperous town supported primarily by the activity of the numerous slave-worked plantations located in and around the town. After slavery was outlawed in White Cross Falls, the town and community fell into disrepair; the only residents who remained were too poor to leave. Gordon intended for the entity to restore the town's fortunes, which it did with limited success; nevertheless, the town's fortunes improved enough for the residents to form a cult around SCP-XXXX. The formation of the cult was assisted by the prevalent racism, anti-Semitism, and lack of education¹⁴ within the community, which may have also contributed to strengthening SCP-XXXX's capabilities.

Addendum: Discovery and Neutralization

Foundation agents were initially alerted to the existence of SCP-XXXX following routine statistical examinations of missing persons reports in the United States; it was noticed that, on average, four people went missing in White Cross Falls each month, but no notice or attention had been given to this abnormally high rate by law enforcement. Foundation Special Agent Chadwick Freeman was dispatched to investigate the town; in the process of his investigation, he encountered and neutralized SCP-XXXX. Following the neutralization of SCP-XXXX, the residents of the town were given Class-A amnestics and relocated.

+ Recovery Log

• Freeman comes into town normal. Asks the locals some questions. Hey what's up, you seen these people?
• Gets conked over the head, wakes up in a barn butt-naked but for his glasses, chained to the wall
• Pulls chains out of wall, climbs into loft, escapes through hole, climbs down
• Cultist guarding the barn. Freeman strangles him to death with chains, takes double-barrel shotgun, Colt 1911, and keys to handcuffs
• Hears someone scream for help; Freeman goes through the swamp to find them, fighting cultists and maybe other weird swamp monsters.
• Comes across sacrificial altar. Four or five cultists, the girl is tied up, the demon is waiting, the cultists are about to slit the girl's throat.
• Freeman shoots them all, rescues the girl, and tells the demon "Squeal like a pig" before blowing it away
• Calls in the Foundation to secure the area

Mister Atheism

+ Critique

ARD's Thoughts - Jekeled is right. He's too much like a cool OC - the science and STEM and all that is chaff. Focus on him being Mister Atheism - there's got to be irony. He's a devoted Christian who woke up one day believing that he had to spread the word of God, so he did. Missionary work, the jungles, gangs, sometimes risking his life. But his anomaly is that when he tries to convince someone that God exists, he ends up convincing them to become atheist. He gets discouraged, wonders what is wrong with him, considers killing himself, runs into Jude and Armand, they greet him, explain what they did, he flips his lid and kills them and everyone else who does anomalous shit in GAW. What kind of sick and twisted demons would use their god-like powers to play pranks?

Jekeled> ARD Still not a fan
2:47 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: mmm
2:48 AM <Jekeled> ARD It suffers from the same problem the rest of the GAW articles suffer from
2:48 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: fucking lol
2:48 AM <Jekeled> ARD It's blunt and the anomaly isn't interesting. Yours goes in the opposite way, but that doesn't make it better
2:48 AM <Jekeled> Any takedown of GAW will either need to be 1) more subtle than it or 2) so fucking insane that it transcends subtlety
2:48 AM <djkaktus> ARD so here's how you fix this
2:48 AM <djkaktus> Because Jek is right
2:48 AM <•AidenEldritch> Jekeled: Vaping In Diminished Time
2:48 AM <djkaktus> but
2:49 AM <djkaktus> I have an idea
2:49 AM <Jekeled> AidenEldritch I could totally write a GAW takedown.
2:49 AM <djkaktus> So this guy is pretty devoted to his faith
2:49 AM <djkaktus> and he's trying to do evangelizing
2:49 AM <djkaktus> and he's really bad at it because he makes people atheists
2:49 AM <djkaktus> but
2:49 AM <djkaktus> he's not aware of it at all.
2:49 AM <djkaktus> Like, he doesn't understand why he's bad at it
2:49 AM <•AidenEldritch> djkaktus: "The Book of Moron"
2:50 AM <djkaktus> So he's like "aw shucks, guess it didn't work out. Maybe next time"
2:50 AM <djkaktus> yeah, he's a fucking idiot.
2:50 AM <djkaktus> Like, super sincere and everything, but dumb as a sack of shit.
2:50 AM <djkaktus> The Foundation can ask him about like, him being a mister and stuff
2:50 AM <djkaktus> but he's got no idea what they're talking about.
2:51 AM <djkaktus> ARD: additionally, it might be even funnier if he made people into really combative atheists
2:51 AM <djkaktus> and he was not at all good at defending his faith
2:51 AM <ChaoSera> Zyn, need some help?
2:51 AM <djkaktus> idk just some ~ideas~
2:51 AM <Jekeled> What if part of the reason why they all became atheists was because of how shit he is at arguing
2:51 AM <djkaktus> Yeah, like part of this is just that he's a really shitty evangelist.
2:52 AM <djkaktus> But, again, he doesn't realize that.
2:52 AM <djkaktus> He has no clue.
2:54 AM <•ARD> djkaktus, Jekeled I really want to keep the aspect of "shooting the members of GAW"
2:54 AM <•ARD> that's the only reason I'm writing this
2:54 AM <Jekeled> ARD He gets a message from God
2:54 AM <Jekeled> But it's not god, he's just really fucking dumb
2:54 AM <djkaktus> lol the message says "stop please"
2:54 AM <djkaktus> "youre not helping"
2:54 AM <Jekeled> ^
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "uhhhhh so mr atheism you said you got a message from god that said you needed to shoot these men"
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "yes"
2:55 AM <Jekeled> ARD Also, I figured the only reason you wanted to write this was because of the gaw takedown; it's why it's so bad
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "this message says "please stop"
2:55 AM <djkaktus> "Yeah but you need to read between the lines"
2:55 AM <Jekeled> ^^
2:55 AM <•ARD> Jekeled: at least I know it's at the same level of quality as the rest of gaw
New messages
2:56 AM <Jekeled> actually mr bernie sanders was better
2:56 AM <•ARD> fuck
2:56 AM <•AidenEldritch> a grievous insult
2:56 AM <Jekeled> djkaktus but what do you think of my indiana idea
2:56 AM <•ARD> I might toss this, I don't know
2:56 AM <•Zyn> ChaoSera: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-2254850/scp-xxxx:childhood-memories
2:56 AM <•Zyn> thanks
2:56 AM <•ARD> Now that I've actually written up this guy shooting everyone in GAW I think I've lost my burning hatred for them and have replaced it with a simmering contempt
2:57 AM <Jekeled> ARD like, it can be saved; kaktus has a real good idea
2:57 AM <djkaktus> ARD: if you really hate them
2:57 AM <djkaktus> the best way to take them down is by making them a joke.
2:57 AM <djkaktus> So make him a joke.
2:57 AM <•ARD> djkaktus: but they're literally already jokes. they embraced that part of themselves when they became about internet memes
2:57 AM <•ARD> how can I make fun of a meme
2:57 AM <•Roget> djkaktus: I laughed so hard
2:57 AM <•Roget> oh my god
2:57 AM <•Roget> ARD: you must do this
2:58 AM <•Roget> "you have to read between the lines" holy shit
it's a metaphor
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "please stop" is a metaphor for "please stop them"
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "the gaymers"
2:59 AM <Jekeled> "against christ"
•ARD> Jekeled: alright. i'm convinced
2:59 AM <Jekeled> c:
2:59 AM <•ARD> mister atheist is a militant evangelist who is so bad at arguing that he turns people into militant atheists and is convinced that he is receiving messages from god literally everywhere
3:00 AM <Jekeled> :)
3:00 AM <•Roget> ARD: yesssssss
•ARD> but he's just as dumb as a sack of bricks and through some unfortunate conspiracy, becomes convinced that the only way to salvation is to slay the gamers against weed
3:00 AM <•ARD> Deus Vult
3:00 AM <•ARD> *unfortunate coincidence
3:01 AM <•ARD> djkaktus: I'm going to steal those lines btw they're good ones
3:01 AM <djkaktus> nice

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a Humanoid Containment Cell in Site-42. It has been allotted a copy of the King James Bible and an MP3 player with music and audiobooks. Individuals with assignments that may bring them into contact with SCP-XXXX should be atheistic.

At this time, SCP-XXXX is scheduled for weekly meetings with staff psychologist Adileh Khayyam. No other containment procedures are needed.

Description: SCP-XXXX, formerly known as Ashley Williams, is a German male that is biologically in their twenties. On the back of SCP-XXXX's head is a barcode label, that when scanned, reads "Mr. Atheism by Gamers Against Weed". SCP-XXXX has an eidetic memory and has memorized the contents of the King James Bible. SCP-XXXX is a devoted Roman Catholic and will frequently attempt to engage individuals in debate around religious topics with the aim of converting them to Catholicism; however, if its opponent possesses religious beliefs, they will invariably discard their beliefs at the end of the debate. Prior to containment, SCP-XXXX was a missionary who had spent several years in Africa.

Addendum: Recovery Log

On ██/██/██, the ██████ Police Department recorded the arrest of one Ashley Williams, suspected of murdering Jude Kriyot and Armand ██████¹⁵ and destroying Kriyot's apartment via arson. Due to their known affiliation with the GoI Gamers Against Weed, SCP-XXXX was promptly taken into Foundation custody and coverup protocols were initiated.

Addendum: SCP-XXXX Interview Log

Interviewer: Dr. Adileh Khayyam (on request from Site Director Arvind Desai)
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX

[BEGIN LOG]

Khayyam reaches over the interview table to shake SCP-XXXX's hand.

Khayyam: How are you? My name is Adileh Khayyam.
SCP-XXXX: My name is Mister Ath - Ashley Williams. But everyone calls me Ash.
Khayyam: Ash. I like it. Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Ash. You aren't in any trouble. I'm just trying to figure out what happened with Misters -
SCP-XXXX: I killed them. I killed them, and I hope they're laughing in hell.
Khayyam: I see. I appreciate your honesty, Ash. If you feel able to - would you be able to tell me why?
SCP-XXXX sighs and looks away.
SCP-XXXX: How old do you think I am?
Khayyam: If I had to hazard a guess… twenty-five?
SCP-XXXX: I'm one.
Khayyam: One? I find it rather difficult to believe you could be so young.
SCP-XXXX: So did I. I was born in Cleveland, Ohio. I graduated from Ohio University with a degree in Philosophy. I spent the last five years of my life spreading the Lord's wisdom and helping the less fortunate in Africa as a missionary for the Catholic Church.
SCP-XXXX snorts bitterly.
SCP-XXXX: At least I thought I did.
Khayyam: What do you mean?
SCP-XXXX: I know the last year of my life existed - it was the worst year of my life. I was supposed to be a preacher. To spread the wisdom of the Lord and help other souls find salvation. And I was fucking terrible at it.

SCP-XXXX: I met Jude and Armand on the way to the bridge. They called me "Mr. Atheism" and rattled off things about my life that I'd never told anyone. I wish I had ignored them. But I didn't. I went back to their apartment - I don't know why, some sick curiosity? So I went to their apartment, and I learned about Jude and Armand, and I learned all about how they'd created Mr. Atheism.
SCP-XXXX leans back and puts a hand to their forehead.
SCP-XXXX: I still thought this was a sign from God. How stupid was that? I was sure that these were angels sent to test my faith.

SCP-XXXX: I'm a ghost. I'm a ghost that they put into someone's corpse so they could
SCP-XXXX: A prank. These people had the power to create life - to make men come alive and give them superpowers and they used them to get their fucking jollies off. Jude and Armand and their stupid friends could have cured cancer or solved world hunger or created world peace and instead they decided to make my purpose in life terrible preaching. What kind of devil could do that? What kind of devil would do that?
SCP-XXXX: I was mugged in Africa once. I don't know if that actually happened or it was someone else's memory but it made me carry a gun. So I shot them both. They're dead and I would do it all over again.

Khayyam: Ash, thank you for sharing this with me. I just have one more question.
SCP-XXXX: Sure. Ask away.
Khayyam: By any chance did you ever come into possession of a document that read 'Holy Heck! You've just found yourself Mister Atheism by Gamers Against Weed'?
SCP-XXXX: … Yeah. I threw it in the trash and lit it on fire.

Women

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a 1m x 1m x 2m Keter-level containment chamber with additional 20 cm of reinforced steel-plate lining and a strain gauge under the floor. At least three site-wide redundant alarm systems, with an alarm sound unique to SCP-XXXX, must be tied to the strain gauge and primed to trigger when it registers a decrease in weight.

All rooms and hallways in Site-75 should be equipped with immediately-accessible kitchen knives and refrigerators stocked with mangoes. In the event that SCP-XXXX's alarm is triggered, all personnel must immediately retrieve a mango and knife and attempt to reach the nearest one-entrance room. If SCP-XXXX is sighted, the viewing person(s) must immediately begin to cut their mango.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an ambush predator that resembles a middle-aged Indian woman wearing an orange, rhinestone-studded sari¹⁶. Thermal scanning and dissection of SCP-XXXX indicates that both the sari and the human resemblance are part of its exoskeleton; it is actually an invertebrate organism with a mantid-like body structure, possessing mantid features such as compound eyes, antennae hidden in the ears, near-180^o neck articulation, and spiked forelegs disguised as arms.

SCP-XXXX hunts human beings, but does not act like other ambush predators, preferring to stalk its prey and then come into view before attacking the subject. However, it employs a killing method similar to that of mantids, grasping victims with its forelegs and eating them alive. SCP-XXXX has the ability to climb up walls and on the ceiling, as well as contort its body to fit into extremely small spaces. Several surviving witnesses have observed SCP-XXXX being able to close large distances without physically being seen to move. It is presumed that this trait is also what enables SCP-XXXX to bypass most security measures and physical impediments, such as locked doors and laser-wired corridors.

For unclear reasons, SCP-XXXX displays an extreme aversion to mangoes. In particular, the act of cutting and exposing the flesh of a mango in front of SCP-XXXX is enough to make it retreat. However, this tactic is only effective when implemented by a single person at a time.

SCP-XXXX was first discovered by Mobile Task Force Lambda-12 ("Pest Control") while eradicating an outbreak of SCP-2810 in Bihar, India. Lambda-12 tracked a tiger instance of SCP-2810 to a secluded village in the

With the assistance of the villagers, Lambda-12 was able to track SCP-XXXX to its lair and force it into a mobile holding cell. However, SCP-XXXX was able to escape and kill several members of the Task Force before fleeing. At this time, Mobile Task Force Lambda-9 ("Bagheera's Boys") arrived to take over from Lambda-12. Lambda-9 was able to recapture SCP-XXXX and escort it to Site-75.

Addendum: On ██/██/████, SCP-XXXX was found to have laid eggs. All but three of the eggs were incinerated; one was dissected, one was put in cold storage, and one was allowed to hatch. The hatched instance of SCP-XXXX, which was nearly identical to the one in containment, was killed and dissected. Mobile Task Forces Lambda-12 and Lambda-9 have been dispatched to the site of its original discovery to confirm that there are no more instances of SCP-XXXX in the wild.

RNGhatanothoa

+ What this is

In their quest to improve their cryptographic security, Prometheus Labs starts looking for ways to find ever-larger prime numbers
One such way involves building a biological super computer and dosing it with large quantities of drugs like methamphetamines to enhance its computational power
In the process, they find a prime number so inordinately huge (think Graham's Number huge) that the computer's mere cognizance of this number accidentally summons an eldritch being into this place of existence
so Prometheus Labs chains the eldritch being to a revamped version of the computer and uses it to generate even more super huge prime numbers

why would you make a biological supercomputer when electronic ones are far better at math and counting
and, to be quite honest, if Prometheus is working on anomalous encryption methods, why are they using RSA
now, if you turn the premise around, and Prometheus is using an anomalous supercomputer for /factoring/, that could potentially be used in breaking RSA encryption
basically, we don't need computers to find large numbers for us, but we do need them for breaking down large numbers

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXXX is a database server running a modified version of UNIX (known as PLUNIX) with two primary elements, SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2.
SCP-XXXX-1 consists of layered, interconnected nets of human nervous tissue contained within standard aluminum computer cases. Through unknown means, this nervous tissue is able to interface with a touchscreen console through which SCP-XXXX accepts human input. Users are able to interact with SCP-XXXX to store and encrypt information

SCP-XXXX-2 is an aluminum sphere, 1 meter in diameter, with multiple hollow, cylindrical protrusions. Through unknown means, SCP-XXXX-2 is suspended in midair in the center of SCP-XXXX; it is spatially locked with regards to its position and orientation. Although unaided viewing of SCP-XXXX-2 shows only distorted imagery of an empty chamber, computer-enhanced imagery in various spectra shows a complex structure with octad radial symmetry.

Addendum: History

SCP-XXXX was initially recovered from an abandoned Prometheus Computing research site near Varanasi, India. Documentation onsite indicates that SCP-XXXX was be

+ Show whatever

Whatever text to show/hide.

Apathy B

forum critique

+ Show chat critique

<Paroxysm>:
<Djoric>:
<daveyoufool>:
<SnarkyPotato>:
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Couldn't they just hook him up to life support and be done with it? Have the machines in a separate room
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Like the issue with the VR thing (I like the idea of VR containing something)
Is it takes waayyyyy too long to explain what the hell it is
<TwistedGears>: And expunging what -B is isn't doing you a whole lot of favors since you're already delaying information
<TwistedGears>: Does it matter all that much to have it be called DESCARTES? I mean, the thing is in itself basically an anomaly. Why not just say it's VR in the the containment procedures and have a collapsible in the description going into more detail?
<TwistedGears>: Being told it's being contained by VR and then explaining the details of it later would work better than just saying DESCARTES because then I have to get through 4 paragraphs before knowing what the hell that even is
<TwistedGears>: ARD: Could you just call it the DESCARTES virtual reality console or some nonsense? best of both worlds?
<TwistedGears>: Then why not just… have him be anomalous?
<TwistedGears>: Just. Give him sort of cancer that grows, nix it being its own -b entity

Item #: SCP-2910

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2910 is contained in Site-42 in a Safe-class humanoid containment cell, and is to be kept alive through standard protocols for comatose patients. SCP-2910 must be connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) at all times. The VR should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must be connected to both the Area-2910 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. A backup VR is to be maintained in case the primary VR malfunctions. The VR has been programmed to automatically store save files to dedicated onsite and offsite servers once every 24 hours and load the oldest stored save file if SCP-2910-A dies in the VR (whether through suicide or natural causes). For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

Description: SCP-2910 is the former Dr. N█████, a 27-year old Junior Researcher in the Site-54 Mental Hazards Division (2910-A). Aside from muscular atrophy brought on by its placement in the VR, it is physically identical to a human male of the same age.

SCP-2910 has been connected to the DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator for an indefinite period of time.

+ About DESCARTES

DESCARTES is a prototype virtual reality (VR) machine based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Dr. Samsonite. When a user connects to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality with realistic physics and NPC interaction, and stimulates the user's brain to perceive the virtual reality as real life, from simulated birth till death, without memories of their actual life. At the same time, it can parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite the user's memories based on modifiable parameters¹⁷. Upon locating pertinent information, DESCARTES will then erase the user's memory of their virtual experience.

The DESCARTES connected to SCP-2910 simulates a world that is totally identical to the real world; however, its NPC generation subroutine has been modified so that NPCs will either not respond to SCP-2910-A's attempts at interaction or produce a response from a generic list of answers. All NPCs otherwise act normally.

No records on SCP-2910's placement in the VR nor any documentation prior to the current report appear to exist. It is unclear why SCP-2910 is in its current state or why it has been contained. No records exist of SCP-2910 showing any anomalous behavior; however, all attempts to disconnect SCP-2910 from DESCARTES or alter the Model 1's programming have resulted in unapproved behavior of major Foundation weaponized satellites: specifically, the two weaponized satellites nearest to Site-42 at the time will become unresponsive to remote commands, move from their normal locations into orbit above Site-42, and arm themselves to fire all weapons within ten minutes. Examination of the satellites' programming has revealed the presence of unknown subroutines that cannot be accessed even with O5 authorization, though all programmers who worked on Foundation weaponized satellites in the past profess ignorance of these programs (even under strenuous interrogation).

As it is unfeasible to totally replace the Foundation's orbital arsenal, the Ethics Committee has determined that the current solution of keeping SCP-2910 within the VR simulation is to remain unchanged.

Apathy A

forum critique

+ Show chat critique

•minmin> the field is also left unexplained
10:41 PM <•minmin> which, as far as the Wiki goes, is par for the course
10:41 PM <•minmin> but you already explain so much
•minmin> it's like reading a murder mystery and finding out that the killer is the Butler and the weapon is the Slinky Coil
10:42 PM <•minmin> and it just ends there before the butler confesses the How
•GreenWolf> Bangart feels… really cliche over the top
minmin> the core idea is already rather hammy so
minmin> I… actually like the older one where the humanoid is placed under VR to suppress his effects
<minmin>: ARD: ehhhh… I can't say I'm a fan of his hamminess

•GreenWolf> anyways, my thoughts were that the stinger was kind of "oh fuck, that's /cold/"
•GreenWolf> I liked it, don't know if others will though
•minmin> it's a pretty evocative torture, yeah
10:57 PM <•minmin> but i think the scp has jaded me wrt fates worse than death

Item #: SCP-2910

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2910 is contained at its location of discovery, in the Site-42 Auxiliary Generator Sub-basement. No attempts are to be made to communicate with SCP-2910.

SCP-2910-A's DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR) should be monitored at all times by at least one Level 3 technician trained to operate it, and must remain connected to both the Site-42 main reactor and an automatic backup generator that will activate in the event of power failure. For more information, see the DESCARTES Operational Manual.

Description: SCP-2910 refers to the former Dr. Akash Navali, a former Senior Researcher of the Site-42 Memetics Division who was presumed to have been abducted in 1995 by [REDACTED] during a raid conducted on Site-42.

SCP-2910 is currently located at its place of discovery in a previously hidden chamber in the Site-42 Auxiliary Generator sub-basement. SCP-2910 is seated in a plastic chair in the center of the chamber, connected to a prototype DESCARTES Model 1 Virtual Reality Simulator (VR), which itself has been connected to the Site-42 main and auxiliary generators.

SCP-2910 will periodically appear to emit low-pitched sounds or rock back and forth.

Addendum: Creation and Discovery

SCP-2910 was discovered in 2013 during an escape attempt by SCP-████, an instance of which fled into the Site-42 reactor complex sub-basement¹⁸. During pursuit, Agent Saberi tripped and collided with a wall, which collapsed to reveal SCP-2910's chamber. SCP-2910 was seated within the room, connected to DESCARTES, which itself had been surreptitiously drawing power from the Site-42 main and auxiliary reactors.

SCP-2910 appears to have been created by Arthur Bangart, a former Site-42 Memetics Containment Specialist who was killed by SCP- in 2003. Following Bangart's retirement, his home was covertly searched by Mobile Task Force Alpha-4 ("Houseworkers") for any materials that could be related to the Foundation or anomalous objects. A series of cassette tapes, which Bangart had used to record an audio journal, was recovered from his attic. Although many of the tapes had been damaged by rats, enough were recovered to establish a connection between Bangart and SCP-2910.

+ Bangart's Journal Entries

First recovered entry, dated to ██/██/1990

The recorder is sitting on a table facing Bangart's bed. Bangart leans back from the recorder and sits in front of him.

Bangart: Entry number 37. Um, not much happened today. Finally handed in the report on psionic memes I've been working on, so that's something. Oh! New guy came in today. Akash Navali, Indian guy. Gonna be working under me.

A voice from offscreen calls for Bangart.

Bangart: Coming, baby!

Bangart stops the recording.

Final recording. Entry is dated to ██/██/1995

Bangart sets the camera down on the workbench and moves to the DESCARTES module. Behind him, the entrance leading into the room is almost totally walled up, appearing just wide enough for a man to move through sideways. Bangart types into the DESCARTES module for several minutes and then steps back. Immediately, Navali begins to shake, leaning forward slightly in one direction before abruptly recoiling back. Bangart takes a deep breath and chuckles.

Bangart: I guess someone's watching out for me.

Bangart chuckles slightly.

Bangart: Well, that's that. End of the problem… now, did I forget anything?

Bangart smiles, rolls his eyes, and throws his hands backwards before putting a hand to his temple.

Bangart: I still need to wall up the room. Oh man, imagine if somebody wandered down here and found him. I don't even want to think about what would happen. Hmph, what if…

Bangart sets down the camcorder and ends the recording.

Addendum:

+ About DESCARTES

DESCARTES was based off of research into [REDACTED] that was being developed by the late Waldo Schaeffer. When a user is connected to DESCARTES, it generates a virtual reality with realistic physics and NPC interaction, and stimulates the user's brain to perceive the virtual reality as real life, from simulated birth till death, without memories of their actual life. At the same time, DESCARTES can analyze and modify the user's brain to parse, extract, erase, and/or rewrite their memories based on modifiable parameters.¹⁹. Upon locating pertinent information, DESCARTES will then erase the user's memory of their virtual experience.

The current world file loaded into SCP-2910's DESCARTES module simulates a single sealed cell with no light sources, approximately 1 meter by 1 meter by 1.5 meters (slightly smaller than SCP-2910's physical size itself) in which SCP-2910 is forced to perpetually crouch or squat. The world file has been further modified to dilate SCP-2910's perception of time such that it perceives 1 hour of real-time as 1 day in DESCARTES.

Ideas

You know those videos of people pouring molten aluminum into anthills? Something did the same to Iram of the Pillars. My own thoughts on framing the skip are that there is an anomalous weather pattern that keeps reforming over the same spot in the Rub al' Khali. The Foundation investigates, discovers an entrance to Iram. I'd like Tufto to write an exploration log of the city. The twist is that the weather pattern digging up the city is ostensibly by the same entity that glassed the city to begin with.

SCP 2971 appears to be a teenage girl with vines wrapping around her legs and arms as well as her midsection and neck. She appears to have bicolored eyes and honeysuckle yellow hair. she was found in ███████, Louisiana in late August of 2014. She seems to be relatively calm and is allowed to roam freely around Site ██. If she is provoked, however, she will attack w
11:09 PM <ARD> I want to do a rewrite of this
11:10 PM <ARD> where the girl has an autoerotic asphyxiation fetish so the Foundation has to keep her from accidentally killing herself with her vines

ARD> djkaktus - when you sarkic but she still sucking
ARD> Shit have I told you guys about my idea for a sarkicism parody
6:32 PM <ARD> A gimp cult called "Sukkicism" devoted to giving people the best blowjobs of their life
6:32 PM <ARD> Indulging in the pleasures of the flesh
djkaktus> ARD: please do
ARD> the mandatory exploration log is gonna end with "She's… she's approaching me… she's unzipping my pants… HER HEAD IS BOBBING DOWN… IT'S FULL OF STARS"

idea: lolicon gangster syndicate that's terrorized multiple star syndicates written up as SH format
*star systems
madoka from magical madoka is like Michael Corleone from the godfather with a kyubey's head in her enemies' beds
<•Zyn> hahaha SH format is in the form of a wanted poster
do it do it do it
<ARD> they look cute and loli to lure people into being suckered by the gang
<•Zyn> one of the footnotes is IF I WAKE UP FROM SUB-SPACESLUMBER WITH ANOTHER ONE OF MY GLARPHARZK'S HEADS IN MY POD

<ARD> mirror-thing that squirrels eat - insta upvote
•shayshay> ard: mirror-thing that squirrels eat sounds great
<ARD> the mirror thing is deathly afraid of squirrels so whenever a squirrel gets near it opens a portal to send the squirrels to a tree
<ARD> quikngruvn yeah but these are just fucking regular squirrels
New World - eastern grey squirrel
they climb trees, fuck other squirrels, and eat their own reflections
you know, squirrel things
they're regular fucking squirrels, that's the thing
it's an SCP that gets eaten by squirrels
quikngruvn - no see, the squirrels do their regular squirrel thing and it just so happens that in the process they hunt down and savagely murder and feed on the SCP
that squirrel that steals from your bird feeder? It's the fucking Genghis Khan to SCP mirror thing's China
It is a normal fucking squirrel that does normal squirrel things. these normal squirrel things also include hunting down and killing SCP-mirror-things and then feasting on their corpses

I just want to see Tsundere Mekhane and Sendai Yaldabaoth
I'm thinking harem comedy script involving mekhane, the DEER, scarlet queen (yeah scarlet king's twin sister) , possibly 343 (don't let it be said that i am not progressive)
Yaldabaoth is a transfer student to Seraphic Academy
And his host family is The Hanged King and St. Alagadda
No no his host mother is St. Alagadda
Hanged King is his host father
so the SK doesn't want his little sis going after yaldabaoth and challenges him to a fight
yaldabaoth wants nothing to do with it but SK trips himself up by accident so yaldabaoth wins
everyone thinks he kicked SK's ass so that only makes him more attractive to the queen
meanwhile he just wants to go about his business turning the universe into a giant tumor
Oh I forgot the toaster
it's gonna be like wash bucket from Futurama
"yaldabaoth. i love you. i have always loved you." "it would be sweet but in the back of our minds we'd know I'm a god and you cook bread to brown perfection. go now."

Eventually a meme becomes so dense that it collapses under its own informational gravity and becomes an antimeme

It's a doctor connected to a Keter-class [DATA EXPUNGED], the size and danger of which is linked to how many people he perceives are paying attention to him. Kept in a virtual reality designed by himself in which everyone ignores him. Suicidal tendencies after awhile… reload a save file and let him repeat his life over and over without any memory of the event. Maybe gaining awareness of his state?

A robot that actively seeks out and kills all humans it sees. Except it thinks that everything NOT human is human. Also it's an intergalactic exterminator droid that was hired by something on the planet…

Pimples that sprout radio towers. And the towers are controlled by the Republic of Comedo who are doing something…

Two people who meet for the first time and forget each other and remeet the next day and so on…

A thunderstorm whose lightning strikes are actually neurons firing of a giant entity's brain…

A movie studio that is run by goblins. They absorb energy from the fear and excitement of humans.

A man who is always at the site of accidents but is trying to stop them before he gets captured by the Foundation…

A stepped pyramid in the middle of an abandoned ruin, which when slept in, creates a civilization of one's dreams…

A bipedal organism that creates bubbles of reality around it. These bubbles are populated by mental constructs that resemble the organism that utilize primitive technology. It turns out that this organism is a human, seen from the perspective of a different Foundation. All of humanity is just a construct by this one lonely human.

SCP Basic Template

[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

██████████

**Item #:** SCP-XXXX

**Object Class:** Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)

**Special Containment Procedures:** [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

**Description:** [Paragraphs explaining the description]

**Addendum:** [Optional additional paragraphs]

[[collapsible show="+ Show whatever" hide="- Hide whatever"]]
Whatever text to show/hide.
[[/collapsible]]

Footnotes

1. tentatively Heliamphora caprerum

2. such as fluorocarbon-grade slipperiness and inertness plus near-ceramic grade insulation and heat resistance

3. the second-highest mountain in the world

4. The D-Class begins biting his fingers. He had not exhibited any anxiety behaviors prior to the test.

5. The D-Class bites his fingers to the point of drawing blood.

6. the pink, fleshy appendages ringing the nose of the star-nosed mole

7. a Trotskyist interpretation of Marxism with a positive outlook on nuclear warfare and esoteric beliefs in UFOs

8. Telecommunications and digital technology does not seem to have been developed past the 1980s.

9. See Procedure 110-Montauk Addendum: Post-Procedure Personnel Psychological Care Regimen

10. DESCARTES was designed as an alternative to Foundation interrogation methods, being able to parse terabytes of information within seconds with minimal resource expenditure.

11. see Incident Report 2664-097 for more details

12. likely referring to an online webcomic called the Bong-Cheon Dong Ghost, which acquired internet fame for an abrupt jump scare that takes temporary control of the web page

13. it is unclear if this was John B. Gordon, the 53rd governor of Georgia

14. at the time of SCP-XXXX's neutralization, only sixty percent of the town's residents were literate

15. Both individuals died of blood loss from multiple gunshot wounds to the chest

16. A traditional South Asian women's garment that typically consists of a drape worn over the shoulder, baring the midriff.

17. DESCARTES was designed as an alternative to Foundation interrogation methods, being able to parse terabytes of information within seconds with minimal resource expenditure.

18. The instance was recaptured soon after in the Site-42 Armory

19. DESCARTES was designed as an alternative to Foundation interrogation methods, being able to parse terabytes of information within seconds with minimal resource expenditure.