4r4nd0md4y's Sandbox Tales

inspiration for future tau-5 aesthetic: https://www.instagram.com/rome_adzan/
perfect nanku: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bb9a4u4Aiec/?taken-by=rome_adzan
henri the fashionista: https://pastebin.com/WkHxPXcW

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Table of Contents

SCP Sandbox
Supersized Project Sandbox
Contest Entry Sandbox
You Are Here
Series Sandbox
Fancy Sandbox
Overflow Sandbox
Third Law Sandbox

Speed Demon Soundtrack

1. The Chosen Few — Quick Fix, JG Thirlwell
2. Morphine Machine — 1993, Scattle
3. Loud, Lawless, and Lost — Acetone, The Crystal Method
4. The Revelation — She Is Young, She Is Beautiful, She Is Next, Perturbator
5. Truth Is Sin — Notorious, Malaa
6. The Vice Girls — Burn, Sister Machine Gun
7. Rise & Repent — Closer, Nine Inch Nails
8. Ecstasy and Exorcism — Cause We're In Love Again, Ministry
9. Hard Machine — It's No Good, Depeche Mode
10. Prey & Obey — Roller Mobster (Scattle Remix), Carpenter Brut & Scattle
11. The Hangman's Wooing — Warzone, Carpenter Brut

Hell Bent for Heather

Until about a year ago, Novagrad was an empty stretch of water about a thousand miles west of Australia. Today, it's an artificial island with one purpose: to feed a thirty-six-thousand-kilometer-tall cable stretching into outer space. This is the лифт, the world's first space elevator. It is privately owned and operated by Wraith Enterprises, who use it to shoot stuff into space and bring down helium-3 mined from the Moon. To really rub their extraterrestrial monopoly in, their primary operating facility is on the Moon itself.

Novagrad itself is a perfect cone: a mountain of steel and glass with an umbilical cord at its peak. The island is split up into three sections: the outer ring, which ships and receives to and from the rest of the world; the inner ring, where the warehouses and administrative offices are located; and the central ring, which houses the Lift and and its earthbound control building. As I'd suspected, the island is encased in a cylindrical anti-apportation field almost twice the diameter of the island, extending from a kilometer below sea-level to the very top of the Lift. The only Way onto the island is the primary shipping dock, and it's under constant surveillance. Anyone trying to approach the island from sea will get blown out of the water a kilometer away. It's a damn-near impenetrable fortress.

Emphasis on damn-near. The thing about opening any hole inside your field is that you never open just one. Any chink has to rely on some specific kind of exploit in the thaumic algorithm, deliberately engineered or not — and where there's one unprotected patch, there's others. So after cycling through a few dozen different methods of opening a Way, Alliott and I find the accidental chink and manage to insert ourselves onto one corner of Novagrad's rear supply dock. We spend a few hours surveying the island and come to some deeply unpleasant conclusions.

One: there is not a single organic being anywhere on the island. It's a sovereign nation inhabited by androids.

Two: said androids are horrifying fusions of man, machine, and cat. From the neck down, they look mostly human, though the orange striped tails and clawed hands give them away. Luckily, their feet are solid metal boots, sparing me the horror of having to look at metal paws. Unluckily, they have the heads of Bengal tigers — with fangs to boot.

Three: they look like cats but act like ants, as if some central intelligence is choreographing their movements and actions. There's no human intelligence behind their cold feline eyes — only machine-like precision that guides them as they pick up helium tanks, build warehouses, load ships, and ensure that the spice flows.

Four: my new eyes can make out tiny hammers and sickles on their necks.

Taken together, these facts suggest that Novagrad is controlled by a Stalinist furry with a penchant for Shock Top. For a sane person, this would be a downright nightmarish prospect. But for me? It's perfect — because I'm here to fuck her shit up.

Alliott's voice crackles in my ears. "Ruku, you in position?"

"Ready," I say, and flick the ignition switch. My motorbike growls in response.

"Dutch?"

Ready, his voice rings in our heads.

Overhead, the sky is turning gray. A flash of lightning silhouettes the Lift, and then there's a clap of thunder that nearly blows my ears out.

That's my cue. I close one hand around my thumb and yank. My thumb slides back halfway along the arm to the elbow. My fingers splay out along the edge into curved panels. Fins along my arm pop open, and the underside of my arm pushes itself downwards into a stock. A fat silver barrel protrudes from what used to be my palm.

I twist the throttle and my motorbike leaps forward. The road climbs upwards from the receiving docks to a checkpoint manned by a pair of androids; it's one of many against the steel wall that runs the circumference of the island. The guards are already shooting at me.

I pump my arm once, and a rocket-propelled 40mm grenade spirals out of it. The whistling of the bomb is drowned out by bullets flying around me, but the explosion it produces repays the androids in kind. The island instantly becomes bathed in emergency lighting and wailing alarms.

I flick my wrist back, and my entire arm spins at the elbow, feeding in another grenade. My next shot blasts a jagged hole into the wall, and I ride through into the inner ring.

This part of Novagrad is full of administrative buildings and warehouses, but it's a straight shot to the next gate a kilometer away. Within seconds I can see the pearly whites of a sniper taking aim from the battlements. The air crackles and a bolt of lightning streaks horizontally across the sky, blowing the sniper to bits.

I spare a glance behind me to look at Alliott Chao, who's hovering two kilometers offshore and two more in the air. Strapped to her back are a pair of twin turbines with a large antenna poking up from between them. A long, thick cable extends from the turbines to a sleek plastic sniper rifle in her hands, with a fat stock, thin rectangular barrel, and an anachronistic bolt action. In one smooth motion, she yanks the bolt action back and then retrieves a long glass fuse from somewhere on her back. A scorched black fuse falls from the bolt action into the sea below. Alliott slides the fuse into the newly-empty chamber, rams the bolt action into place, and pulls the trigger.

The sky crackles, and a bolt of lightning crashes down on her.

She's totally unharmed. The antenna on her back glows, and then a flat beam of light emerges from the tip of the gun, streaking across the sky and making explosive contact with a second sniper. I watch its limbs sailing off into the distance.

Two more bolts of harnessed lightning take out the mortar cannons on the battlements. With the walls clear, I fire and reload twice, obliterating the checkpoint. My artificial eyes don't so much as waver as I careen through the smoke at a hundred kilometers per hour.

If I still took breaths, the Lift would have taken them away. Words can hardly do it justice this close up: an enormous black cable, as thick as a hundred redwood trees, ascending into the heavens. Red electricity crackles along its length, the only sign of the deeply occult magicks and esoteric paratechnology helping support its weigh. Multiple cable cars are docked at its base: the entire structure resembles a huge black lotus.

There's a single squat two-story building next to it: the control building for the Lift. The only way in is a single steel password-protected door manned by two androids. I don't even bother to shoot them — I just floor the throttle on the motorbike and careen towards the door full tilt. A split-second from impact, I backflip off of the bike and hit it with a grenade. The bike and everything around it — including the door — are consumed by the fire and fury of a near-full tank of gas.

I land on the ground like a cat and dash inside. Fire sprinklers are going off inside the building. The first floor is nothing but a straight hallway of security checkpoints and HVAC closets. Five tiger-droids fill the hall. As one, they snarl at me and their claws pop out.

So do my khandas. I put them both through the first android and flex my elbows like I'm lifting a hundred-kilo weight. His body splits in half from the crotch up and oil gushes out. It works to my advantage — his comrade slips on the oil, and I dive forward and slam both elbows into his skull with a sound like crumpling a beer can. Then I roll off of his crumpled head and back onto my feet.

As I'm regaining my bearings, Number Three wraps his arms around mine and digs his claws into my gut - I whip myself to one side and throw myself backwards into the wall. His grip remains iron. I do it again. Nothing. My arms are pinned to my sides and this bastard is scratching bits of metal from my damn chest.

Tiger Four steps in front of me and points a pistol directly in my face. In the split-second before his finger curls around the trigger, a linear actuator at the base of my neck activates and tilts my head to the side. The bullet creases my forehead and drills right through the center of Three's, whose grip slackens — I'll never understand why android designers keep putting important parts in such an obvious target — and allows me to swing upwards and dismember Four.

We share a silent look. Then my pelvis pivots with a hydraulic hiss, sending four spinning kicks into his face in a quarter of a second. I'll never get tired of using that move.

Four stumbles back. His comrade slides past him and delivers a series of jabs to my chest. I stagger and swing upwards in reflex; he dodges and rips out my throat.

Or at least half of it. I reel, barely remembering to retract my khandas before grabbing at the gash. The entire right side of my body suddenly disappears. Words wash over my brain — hemiplegic disconnect, lateral ataxia, repair required — but all that matters is that I'm down two good limbs. Here I am mocking Diya for putting all the important bits in the head, when MachineGod went and did the same damn thing to me. Irony's a bitch.

Five sees the way I totter around like half of a three-legged sack and goes in for the kill. He sweeps my legs and knocks me to the ground. Then he pounces.

Desperation gives me inspiration. I kick at his crotch, arresting his dive and pushing him backwards. Then I swipe at his head with my good hand. Most of my fist slides right by his forehead, but my thumb gets caught on his ear.

My thumb slides back halfway along the arm to the elbow. My fingers splay out along the edge into curved panels. Fins along my arm pop open, and the underside of my arm pushes itself downwards into a stock. A fat silver barrel protrudes from what used to be my palm.

In such a tight space, the explosion is deafening. A hole opens up in the ceiling and a server rack falls through, crushing Five from the waist down. He crawls towards me on his upper half and then shuts down with one claw on my ankle.

Four is still alive. As I push myself up against the wall to assess the damage, he totters towards me, likely hoping to put a foot through my chest. But he's forgotten one thing: I still have one good hand.

As he stomps down, I raise my left hand up and extend the khanda. Four stands still, suspended by one foot and the blade that I jammed into his crotch. I retract the khanda and he topples over. Oil gushes onto my head.

I take a moment to wipe the oil off my face. Then I raise the Inside Man.

Dutch, I need your help.

Already on it, he thinks. OK, MachineGod is actually kind of clever. There's no actual wires in your neck — the only solid thing in there is the servomechanism to spin it. It's all wireless, there's antennae under your chin sending signals to the rest of you. Stick a couple fingers in your neck, see if you can feel a thin rod under your jaw, right side.

I grimace and bend my leg, squishing my thumb underfoot so I can reset my hand into an actual hand. I give my fingers an experimental flex and start poking around my neck. There's a deeply unpleasant buzz and I feel something like an aborted gag reflex. My hand fails to close around a metal rod under my right jaw.

There's nothing there.

Figured as much, the Man thinks. I'm guessing one of those bots tore it out of you. We'll have to improvise. Can you get a finger off one of those bots? Ideally, the pinky.

I drag myself along the wall to Four's right arm. The khanda comes down, and I have the pick of all five talons on his hand.

Got it.

Great,. Okay, go back to your jaw, where the antenna should be. Feel around a bit, there should be a socket under your jaw or something stuck in the socket.

Another self-surgical probe confirms a small chunk of metal protruding from what might have been an antenna socket.

OK. This part might hurt. You need to jam the pinky, talon-first, into the socket. Into what's left of the antenna — if we're lucky, it should transmit the signals. If we're unlucky… eh, we won't be.

I take a few psychosomatic breaths to psyche myself up. Then I wedge the pinky into my neck and press it into place. It hurts like a bitch.

Fffffffuuuuck!

Words wash over my brain again: connection re-established. Diagnostic report: no errors.

I stand up on two good feet and flex my right arm experimentally. Then I stagger down the hallway as my brain readjusts to having four limbs. By the time I've found the stairs, I've more or less regained motor coordination.

The second floor is a single windowless room with a large cylinder in the center: this is the supercomputer that runs Novagrad and mans the Lift's operations from the ground, coordinating with the computers on the counterweight in space. I locate the security ports on the machine and gingerly slide in the USB stick given to me by the Man.

There's a pregnant pause. Then:

I'm in.

My swords work quite nicely in carving a hole for me to jump through. The ground is strewn with scorch marks and bits of artificial cat. I sidle around the wall and check out the entrance. At a glance, there's at least two dozen androids with their guns trained on it. Perfect.

I quietly pull back from the wall and sneak up the hill towards the Lift. Most of its cable cars are locked, and there's no way I'm going to cut a hole in one of them. Luckily, I don't need to wait for the Man to hack them; one is already being loaded. Whatever it is, it must be pretty important to bring up while the island is under attack. There's only three androids that I can't see, but I don't want to risk damaging the car with a grenade. So I pull out my second-favorite toy: a Desert Eagle.

One. Two. Three. Those three headshots have definitely announced my presence to the militia down the hill, but by the time they get here I'll be a few dozen kilometers overhead. So I don't hesitate to vault over a crate into the cable car and yell, "Send me UP!" to the Inside Man.

The hatch slams shut. There's a jolt and then several seconds of being crushed against the floor before whatever systems MachineGod installed kick in and I'm able to move without feeling like I'm being squashed under an elephant. I slump to the ground in relief and then notice the three androids staring at me from the far side of the cable car.

"Ah, shit."

TETH notes

Natasha argues that she simply couldn't bear to be around someone who constantly made her feel inferior.

7:06 PM <vezaz> i know you have someone helping you with tone, also, but this /really/ reads like a straight(ish) guy trying to write a lesbian
7:06 PM <ARD> Minmin had a similar critique but at that point I was too close to the release date to edit it
7:06 PM <ARD> LMAOOOOOOOOO
7:07 PM <vezaz> every point of her attraction is so essentially male
7:07 PM <ARD> Please just don’t put it on r/badwomensanatomy
7:07 PM <vezaz> the stalking, the boob fixation (and absence of noticing really any other part of her), the insincerity
7:09 PM <vezaz> actually i figured out what annoys the hell out of me in this one
7:09 PM <ARD> But criticism stings and the truth hurts
7:09 PM <vezaz> aside from the male voice which you didn't have in previous tales, but which came through here
7:09 PM <ARD> Even though it’s important to have
7:09 PM <vezaz> my problem is, Rookie doesn't do anything sincerely
7:10 PM <vezaz> "my shitty date idea" "the shitty teacup ride" "laughing at the shitty movie"
7:10 PM <vezaz> she only goes to judo class to see this girl
7:10 PM <ARD> Mhm
7:10 PM <vezaz> she doesn't seem to enjoy anything without a protective cynicism
7:10 PM <vezaz> so who is the Rookie
7:10 PM <vezaz> because she spends so much time performing social rituals she obviously (or explicitly) doesn't believe in
7:10 PM <vezaz> it's hard to tell who she is

•ARD> i've started by sketching this idea of natasha as essentially having the same magnitude of aggressive energy as the rookie, but on opposing phase
10:10 PM <•ARD> the rookie embodying a quieter, more aggressive form of selfishness — think if jacket from hotline miami were a magical girl
10:10 PM <•ARD> natasha tokyopop embodying a loud, peppy destructiveness — think nui harime from KLK
10:11 PM <tawny> I don't know either of those characters
10:11 PM <•ARD> Jekeled> i imagine [natasha tokyopop] speaking as a methed-up cross between russian fatalism and moe cuteness, but then there's none of that
10:11 PM <•TyGently> ARD: how is jekeled doing
10:11 PM <tawny> hmm
10:11 PM <•ARD> TyGently: he's doing alright, i think. been batting around ideas for new SCPs
10:11 PM <•TyGently> oh really
10:11 PM <•TyGently> good
10:11 PM <tawny> I guess if you go for the moe cuteness thing it'd play well in contrast to KMZ?
10:12 PM <•TyGently> last I saw of him was when he was on my team for the doomsday contest
10:12 PM <•ARD> yeah, i'm still thinking about how to approach the 'moe cuteness' thing
10:12 PM <•TyGently> and then deleted everything mid-way through
10:12 PM <•TyGently> and then disappeared
10:12 PM <•ARD> you ever looked up sukeban?
10:12 PM <•ARD> it's amazing, i love it
10:12 PM <tawny> just maybe don't use the words "moe cuteness"
10:12 PM <•ARD> basically think roving gangs of japanese schoolgirls
10:12 PM <tawny> googled it just now and it sure seems like your thing
10:13 PM <•ARD> like spike spiegel says, i love a woman who can kick my ass
10:14 PM <•ARD> more importantly, there's a certain aggressiveness to the sukeban style that i want natasha to embody — the way it takes a style of clothing that enforces conformity and control and twists it into semi-violent rebellion
10:15 PM <•ARD> a certain unhinged forcefulness — like a lollipop with an acid core
10:20 PM <•ARD> more importantly, what i want from natasha as a character is a self-destructive anger that she channels towards others. following her fallout with the rookie, she's turned away from her revolutionary ideals and has chosen to sequester herself within the capitalist machine.
10:20 PM <•ARD> basically going from "i feel miserable about not being able to be a good person and contributing to the betterment of others" to "fuck it. seek out self-gratification, don't apologize for it, and fuck everyone else". aggressive, selfish, unapologetic energy derived from self-hatred and shame
10:20 PM <•ARD> the same magnitude as the rookie, but on a totally opposite phase
10:21 PM <•ARD> sarcastic manner of speech, forced peppiness, quickness to anger
10:21 PM <•ARD> that's a good place to start

•ARD> so i have a vague outline for what i want to do in this installment: the rookie wakes up to discover that her heart has been torn out of her chest and she's being kept alive by a corset designed for use in gladiatorial fashion arenas. she and the inside man need to figure out how the hell natasha tracked her down and why, but when the inside man can't locate natasha in this plane of existence they determine that she must have gone to another universe.
10:06 PM <•ARD> the rookie can't chase after her because she needs her heart to actually jump universes without a way. she can't pay alliott for what she needs, but alliott has an idea.
1:45 AM <•ARD> deathball by oneiroi
•ARD> the participants are all robots
the oneiroi megacorp sponsors a team of dreamers and generally gets eurtechies to buy their shit via their performance in the races
1:35 AM <•ARD> the problem is that of course they're exploiting the hell out of their team in the process
1:39 AM <•ARD> oneiroi racing organizes the gambling aspect of the races, so alliott and the rookie fix the race to make sure that the longest-odds racer wins and forces them to give everyone who bet on it an absolutely massive payoff
1:39 AM <•ARD> everyone who bet on it being the entirety of kemonomimi zaibatsu

•TyGently> one thing that might be an issue
3:53 PM <•TyGently> with all these flashback tales you've made the moral situation significantly more complex
3:53 PM <•ARD> yeah, i
3:54 PM <•TyGently> in the grand scope of things diya (and by extension natasha) didn't really do much wrong
3:54 PM <•ARD> i'm fine with that. i mentioned way, way back when but one thing i wanted to do with the final tale was reflect on escape velocity as a whole and its fascination, fetishization, and exploitation of violence
3:54 PM <•ARD> although tbh natasha did do a few things wrong
3:55 PM <NineVolt> btw GW re the AAPA theme, the underglow is in reference to the sidebar, right?
3:55 PM <•ARD> she HAS tried to kill the rookie more than a few times and also killed all those poor office drones
3:55 PM <•TyGently> the things that she did wrong aren't the impetus for her comeuppance, I suppose is the thing
3:55 PM <•TyGently> ARD: is your intention for the rookie to be unsympathetic throughout the final tales
3:56 PM <•ARD> TyGently: no, not wholly. i definitely do have some ideas on how to fix that
3:57 PM <•TyGently> ARD: if you want my pitch for the most obvious emotional arc
3:57 PM <•ARD> yeah
3:57 PM <•TyGently> the Rookie has essentially been running from her past this whole time and skating away from the consequences of her actions
3:58 PM <•ARD> TyGently: definitely one of the themes i've been trying to explore as well — fleeing from the consequences of one's action
3:58 PM <•TyGently> that's the primary conflict of pretty much the whole story, her mistakes finally coming back to haunt her, both in the literal way of Natasha attacking her and in the metaphorical way of being forced to relive her whole journey
3:58 PM <•ARD> and the final reckoning of those consequences
3:59 PM <•ARD> i suppose the final step is for Natasha's own chest engine to consume her
3:59 PM <•TyGently> if the rookie is to be sympathetic at all, she should recognize this and make some attempt to rectify it
3:59 PM <•ARD> forcing the rookie to confront a manifestation of her darkest self
3:59 PM <NineVolt> aaand added. all is now well with the world
3:59 PM <•ARD> TyGently: that too. i've been knocking around some ideas for the rookie to be… less violent, i guess, in the end
4:00 PM <•ARD> to have natasha by the ropes and then stop
4:00 PM <•TyGently> for the rookie to move on she has to accept what she's done, take the consequence, and come out believing that she still deserves a second chance
4:00 PM <•ARD> Mhm
4:00 PM <•TyGently> to that end, I don't think she should kill diya
4:00 PM <•ARD> I was actually considering having the rookie reject her demon heart outright
4:00 PM <•ARD> and spend time as a cyborg
4:01 PM <•TyGently> the only way I see diya's murder being satisfying is if the rookie immediately has an "oh god what have I done" moment
4:01 PM <•TyGently> speaking of: is the rookie's body just… rotting in a dumpster somewhere now
4:01 PM <•ARD> TyGently: machinegod probably sold her bits off or something
4:02 PM <•TyGently> since it was basically all replaced
4:02 PM <•TyGently> that's a horrifying notion that probably can't be adequately explored within this story
4:02 PM <•ARD> i could see a LOT of mileage out of that one, a bunch of cloned fauxkies running around eurtec and three portlands
4:02 PM <•ARD> TyGently: quick pitch
4:02 PM <NineVolt> btw ARD I know you voiced some thoughts on the theme before so do you have any other thoughts on it? have to head off for homework but I'm curious
4:03 PM <•ARD> it's customary for cyborgized people, mekhanites especially, to offer their discarded body parts up as meat to be eaten
4:03 PM <•ARD> either that or just cremated maybe
4:03 PM <•TyGently> would that make sense though, since if there's one thing firmly established by the rookie's backstory, it's that she is not inherently special
4:03 PM <•TyGently> clones I mean
4:03 PM <•ARD> probably not
4:03 PM <•ARD> i do quite love the idea of augmented people just selling off their discarded body parts to pay for the augmentation itself
4:04 PM <•ARD> it's got everything you need in cyberpunk: the metaphorical transformation of a person into profit through capitalism and the distinctly unsubtle physical transformation of a person into profit through high technology
4:05 PM <•TyGently> also if the rookie is pretty much wholly mechanical isn't the whole crusade pointless
4:05 PM <NineVolt> Feels like ample fridge horror for what those body parts get used for imo
4:05 PM <•TyGently> she no longer needs the heart or potentially even has use for it, and probably can't take any kind of drugs anymore let alone demon drugs
4:05 PM <•ARD> She's not wholly mechanical
4:05 PM <•ARD> Think Grievous or Robocop
4:06 PM <•ARD> Metal shell, meaty innards
4:06 PM <•ARD> Hence cyborg
4:06 PM <•TyGently> why does she care about the heart
4:06 PM <•TyGently> the heart augments her biological body doesn't it
4:07 PM NineVolt → BusyVolt
4:07 PM <•ARD> The heart augments her biological body and gives her the ability to use demonarcotics
4:07 PM <•TyGently> are demonarcotics useful once all your bits are artificial, it's not like drugs are going to affect a prosthetic limb
4:08 PM <•ARD> There's a line in Feed the Need Machine that covers this: "It's not the augmentations themselves I'm worried about. Once I have my heart back, I have a half-dozen different formulas I can use to regenerate my fleshy bod. The problem is getting them in the first place."
4:08 PM <•TyGently> we're now in a wholly different place than when we started but this is definitely something that bugged me a bit
4:08 PM <•TyGently> ah, okay
4:08 PM <•TyGently> that makes sense then
4:08 PM <•TyGently> my bad
4:09 PM <•ARD> Without her heart, she's an ordinary mortal (at least in terms of third law). I've been sprinkling that stuff throughout the tale — her having to recuperate in a motel, having to ride the train like a chump instead of using rocket-powered roller skates, needing to get patched up for broken ribs, etc etc
4:09 PM <•ARD> The driving force of Escape Velocity has been her desire to return to where she was in square one: a souped-up devilwoman with superpowers and zero regard for any sort of consequences — for her to reject the heart and choose to live with the consequences would be the cap of the emotional arc
4:10 PM <•TyGently> yeah, I've noticed that, I just figured, I guess — it's easier to sympathize with someone going on a quest to recover something essential to their survival than someone going on a quest to recover something essential to their ability to commit supercrimes
4:10 PM <•TyGently> yeah, I see what you mean now
4:10 PM <•ARD> I've been hesitant to follow that ending though because it means not only shaking up the status quo but also getting rid of what attracted people to the series at the start
4:11 PM <•ARD> The other ending I considered was having her democratize the process - teaching Alliott Chao and the folks at KMZ how to use demonarcotics themselves
4:11 PM <•TyGently> it seems to me that Natasha seems some measure of closure for the arc to feel complete

4:35 PM <•ARD> TyGently: you raise a good point WRT the augmentation thing though, i might go back and edit Feed the Need Machine
4:36 PM <•TyGently> which part was the good point
4:36 PM <•ARD> the plot going from "i need my heart to live" to "i need my heart to be badass" when the rookie becomes a cyborg
4:36 PM <•TyGently> ah yeah
4:36 PM <•ARD> in the original planning stages of escape velocity, alliott wanted the rookie to get some stuff from MachineGod because they hated each other but she still needed stuff from him
4:37 PM <•TyGently> one route you couuuuld take is to have a non-personal reason for the rookie to pursue the heart
4:37 PM <•ARD> i could make some tweaks to Goddess or Godless so that Alliott's car gets wrecked with the stuff she needs to make a Way
4:37 PM <•TyGently> like, if Natasha was planning some ultra evil scheme that required it
4:38 PM <•TyGently> but that's probably a bit too cliché
4:38 PM <•ARD> TyGently: well I did already have that in mind but it was for something else
4:38 PM <•ARD> natasha wanted the heart for two reasons: one, to get HER magic back, and two: to use its power to open a slipgate and make cheap interstellar travel possible
4:39 PM <•ARD> or maybe just conduct a ritual that would instantly kill every landlord on earth
4:39 PM <•TyGently> I mean
4:39 PM <•TyGently> you want her plan to be something that should be stopped, right
4:40 PM <•ARD> that's probably for the best, yes
4:40 PM <•GW> a reminder that even Adam Smith, the dude who invented capitalism, called landlords parasites
4:40 PM <•ARD> Lol
4:40 PM <•TyGently> if there comes a point where the rookie is fighting tooth and nail for the well-being of landlords
4:40 PM <•ARD> oh of course not
4:40 PM <•TyGently> that is the point where I get off this moving train
4:41 PM <•ARD> it would really boil back down to the rookie's selfishness again
4:41 PM <•ARD> stopping a ritual that would do a lot of good just so that she can be special again
4:41 PM <•TyGently> "I was going to kill those landlords"
4:41 PM <•TyGently> "you fucking killstealer"
4:41 PM <•ARD> although i wonder how many of my readers would up vote a tale that ends with the rookie being like "you know what? I'm ok with the ruling class being destroyed"
4:41 PM <tawny-> I don't think it's that unreasonable she'd still want her heart back, because not everyone would be cool with being a metal unfeeling robot
4:41 PM <tawny-> the real problem is
4:41 PM <•ARD> even though escape velocity hasn't particularly tried to hide its political leanings
4:42 PM <tawny-> this reminds us of the possibility that she doesn't need /that/ specific heart
4:42 PM tawny- → tawny
4:42 PM <tawny> she could get a normal replacement heart and repeat the ritual if she really needed to
4:42 PM <•ARD> tawny: good point, I ought to go back to Cirrhosis of the Heart and patch tht
4:42 PM <•TyGently> …that's a good point
4:42 PM <tawny> so I think keeping it personal
4:42 PM <•ARD> a couple lines about "I can't just make a new one. this one is TIED to me"
4:42 PM <tawny> i.e. that the rookie wants HER heart back, because it was taken from her
4:42 PM <•TyGently> can she sell her soul twice
4:42 PM <tawny> would be maybe sensible
4:43 PM <•GW> TyGently: ah, the dragonborn model
4:43 PM <•TyGently> there *is* an idea in the motivations that like
4:44 PM <•GW> devil can't collect your soul if you've sold it to all the devils
4:44 PM <•ARD> GW: lol I had THAT idea too
4:44 PM <•ARD> the rookie goes down to hell because she needs to make another deal with the devils
4:44 PM <tawny> what if they just start a time-share with your soul
4:44 PM <•ARD> though I think Constantine did it first
4:44 PM <tawny> and pass it around like a cheap whiskey
4:44 PM <•TyGently> the heart is important but natasha *is* currently doing bad things that hurt people
4:44 PM <•TyGently> like killing alex and siding with Oneiroi's ruthless exploitation
4:45 PM <•ARD> right
4:45 PM <•ARD> i think i need to go back and poke around my old notes
4:45 PM <•TyGently> with the heart being a dangerous tool in the eyes of someone who is both self-serving and indiscriminately ruthless, unlike the rookie, who is only one of those things
4:45 PM <•TyGently> er, in the hands, not in the eyes
4:46 PM <tawny> also, for reference
4:46 PM <tawny> the direction I thought this would all end up going back when you only had the first part of this done
4:46 PM <•ARD> when i was discussing natasha's character with jekeled, the thing i wanted to convey is that the rookie is responsible for natasha's slide to the dark side
4:46 PM <tawny> was that it'd be a typical revenge plot and then at the end she's just totally unsatisfied with her revenge and it brings her nothing she actually *really* wanted or needed
4:47 PM <•TyGently> with the added perspective of her crash back into being normal-ish, she's realized this and maybe gets the idea that the heart doesn't *have* to be used for terrible atrocities and selfish deeds
4:47 PM <•TyGently> and so tries to make genuine amends with diya and natasha, while still trying to put a stop to them
4:48 PM <•ARD> TyGently: yeah, i could work with this
4:48 PM <•ARD> bring natasha back to the light, so to speak
4:49 PM <•ARD> redeem herself in the process
4:49 PM <•TyGently> one possible direction for a diya confrontation would be for the rookie to destroy her army and leave her stranded somewhere with no direct means of interfering with her anymore
4:49 PM <•ARD> i considered having diya not actually be there
4:49 PM <•TyGently> like, attempt to make amends, but diya's like "fuck you" and the rookie's like "okay that's fair, I'm just gonna leave you here and let you think it over"
4:49 PM <•TyGently> "sleep on it"

4:50 PM <•TyGently> "I can't make you do anything but if I can try to be better maybe you can too"
4:50 PM <•TyGently> "unless you're already like a philanthropist or something, in which case ignore this"
4:50 PM <•ARD> "Diya, I just want you to know I forgive you." "I have done literally nothing wrong." "I know, and I forgive you"
4:51 PM <•TyGently> pfffft
4:51 PM <•ARD> yeah, I can work with this
4:51 PM <•ARD> the rookie experiencing a change of heart following her flashback sequence, determining to try and make up for her failures
4:52 PM <•ARD> that would be a decent conclusion to the arc and a solid way to handle the theme of running from one's consequences — she womans up, so to speak, and deals with said consequences
4:53 PM <•TyGently> yeah
4:53 PM <•TyGently> in her own special way
4:54 PM <•ARD> i'll still have to think about the robot thing
4:54 PM <•ARD> i could feasibly change the reason the rookie goes to see machinegod
4:54 PM <•ARD> perhaps the equipment alliott needs to construct a Way was in her car, and it gets blown to bits as they're making their great escape in Goddess or Godless
4:54 PM <•ARD> so they need to get new parts from MachineGod

4:59 PM <•ARD> you know, I think I know how I can establish why the Rookie still wants her heart back even after she's in a super cool robot body
5:00 PM <•ARD> the brain does not LIKE losing all of its normal sensory feelings or having its spine replaced with metal

5:02 PM <•TyGently> the rookie's organs, including her brain, were dependent on her heart's demonic energy and without it they are breaking down
5:02 PM <•TyGently> technology is just keeping together her gradually deteriorating state while she tries to get the heart before the damage kills her
5:02 PM <•ARD> it's something i kind of ignored but wanted to tackle — the consequences of being addicted to demonarcotics
5:02 PM <•ARD> putting a time limit on things
5:03 PM <•ARD> i'll have to go back through the series and throw references to that in places, definitely in Cirrhosis of the Heart for starters

5:04 PM <•ARD> ok so, the main things of note for the revisions and rewrites
5:04 PM <•ARD> 1) the rookie's moral arc. with the added perspective of her crash back into being normal-ish, the rookie's realized this and maybe gets the idea that the heart doesn't *have* to be used for terrible atrocities and selfish deeds, and so tries to make genuine amends with diya and natasha, while still trying to put a stop to them.
5:04 PM <•ARD> 2) the rookie is legitimately dying, melting from the inside as her organs deteriorate without the source of demonic energy to which they've been accustomed to for five years
5:05 PM <•ARD> 3) The driving force of Escape Velocity has been her desire to return to where she was in square one: a souped-up devilwoman with superpowers and zero regard for any sort of consequences
5:06 PM <•ARD> 4) the main themes of the story are the consequences of one's actions and redemption for one's failures
5:06 PM <•ARD> I think that about covers everything I need to think about

the basic outline is this: the rookie wakes up cyborgized and inspects her new bod (courtesy of a Tau-5 clone that survived falling from orbit). highlights include: metal cat ears and no mouth — she looks like a weeb genji,
1:57 AM <•ARD> following this, she and Alliott take a Way to her home universe (because Alliott wants vengeance on Natasha for killing Alex) and spend some time exploring her home world as they make their way to the space elevator
1:58 AM <•ARD> Diya confronts them at the space elevator with an army of android catgirls, which she's been working on since the rookie left. the rookie fights them on the way up
1:59 AM <•ARD> she kills diya and then hijacks a shuttle at the top of the elevator to take her to the moonbase. the tale ends with the rookie descending into the base
•ARD> in the finale, the rookie finds the super robot natasha's been working on, which she promptly hijacks and uses to storm through the base
10:58 PM <•ARD> natasha chases after her with a super robot of her own, intending to rip her out of it and throw her into orbit or something
10:59 PM <•ARD> there's an awesome fight on the surface of the moon
10:59 PM <Taffeta> is there a lance
10:59 PM <•ARD> I was thinking swords
10:59 PM <•ARD> the rookie gets the upper hand and tears natasha out of her cockpit, but hesitates before dealing the finishing blow
10:59 PM <Taffeta> but muh instrumentality
11:00 PM <•ARD> she decides that she's already fucked natasha over enough and if anything owes her for all the shit she's been through
11:00 PM <•ARD> alliott does not like this
11:00 PM <•ARD> she takes a shot from wherever the hell she's been hunkered down this whole time
11:01 PM <•ARD> the rookie takes the shot, but since it's an anti-materiel round, it basically blows the rookie's guts open so that she looks like Scorpion is doing a fatality on her
11:02 PM <•ARD> alliott gets out of dodge, natasha saves the rookie by implanting her heart back into her
11:02 PM <•ARD> sort of a callback to the end of the first tale
11:03 PM <•ARD> the rookie wakes up mostly good as new. she and natasha agree to part ways, not as friends, but as former friends (mainly because the rookie DID blow up her fancy robots and moon base)
11:03 PM <•ARD> the rookie is like "damn look at everything natasha's doing, what have i been doing with my life"
11:03 PM <•ARD> and she decides to go see what the Third Law Rukmini is up to
11:04 PM <•ARD> end tale