Anomalous Object Review

Review

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[Organization Here]

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From the Anomalous Objects Log. Current as of May 30, 2014, 1:45 CST.

+ Current

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document may be used as a resource, should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Doctor █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: An unbreakable lamp.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In the possession of Doctor Rights.

Item Description: A penny which, when flipped, will always land "heads up".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: Melted down.

Item Description: An ordinary brand ███████ number 2 pencil, which will balance easily on its tip for hours at a time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: Extremely efficient gardening shears, brand unknown.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██████
Current Status: In possession of the roof gardening team.

Item Description: A large stone which generates mild internal heat, slightly warm to the touch. Otherwise not unusual.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Placed in the core of Mt. ██████, an active volcano. Stone may or may not have been destroyed by heat.

Item Description: A bouquet of roses and other assorted flowers which are resistant to wilting, crushing, and burning.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, ████████
Current Status: Unknown.

Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing. They also appear to reproduce by binary fission every week.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:████, ███████
Current Status: Salted, remains incinerated.

Item Description: Hammer which will consistently miss the nail intended as its target when used by humans. Use of machinery or robots to guide the hammer results in normal function.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:██████, ██████
Current Status: Identified by agent working in Site 19's maintenance shed, currently in storage.

Item Description: A parrot which, although not otherwise anomalous, seems to have memorized the entire works of Shakespeare.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, ███████
Current Status: In stasis. Looking for an agent, researcher, or other party interested in keeping it.
Interested. I'll fill out the necessary forms later. -Agent Yoric

Item Description: A small rock that emits a bright white light from an unknown source. Otherwise unremarkable.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, ███████
Current Status: Currently in the possession of Doctor Light.

Item Description: A broken jian (Chinese sword) made of Telekill Alloy, crafted by Dr. Clef during the SCP-239 Clef-Kondraki incident.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Disassembled and melted back into component parts. Telekill Alloy was recovered for other use.

Item Description: A 1964 Smith & Wesson .41 Magnum Revolver. When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!"
Date of Recovery: 09-03-████
Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Current Status: Not destroyed.
Note: Accuracy or even proficiency with the firearm is not required for the anomaly to function. Voice sounds whether or not the shot is, in fact, "nice".//

Item Description: A wire clothes hanger. Only long-sleeve, blue, men's dress shirts with collar sizes between 15.5" and 16.5" can successfully be hung upon it. All other clothing articles simply drop off to the floor when hanger is employed.
Date of Recovery: 09-15-████
Location of Recovery: Halifax, Nova Scotia, CA
Current Status: Melted down. Resultant slag shows no anomalous properties.

Item Description: One tetherball. When employed as intended in a tetherball match, item shows a 5.9 kg total increase in mass when moving counter-clockwise about the pole. Weight returns to normal when moving clockwise.
Date of Recovery: 9-29-████
Location of Recovery: Bratislava, Bratislava Kraj, SK
Current Status: After thorough internal and external analysis, no harmful extradimensional properties were detected. Currently set up for play at Site 17, outdoor recreation zone ██, pole █.

Item Description: A carton of thirty (30) 60W incandescent bulbs. Ten minutes preceding burn-out of a light bulb, human subjects in the vicinity would become aware of an itching sensation.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Destroyed, waste remanded to storage.

Item Description: High-fidelity credenza-mounted record player. Musical records played in the device always produce a reproduction of a "live" performance of the piece, even if there was never such a performance made.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1975
Location of Recovery: Tucson, Arizona
Current Status: Housed in Site-64's recreation room.

Item Description: A flowering dogwood tree that appeared to grow shoes. The growths are actually made of wood and bark. They are only clearly visible when the tree has shed its leaves.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: West Vancouver, BC
Current Status: Transplanted to TAF-1, Sector-28.
Note: May have died naturally of transplant shock, Foundation botanists are investigating.

Item Description: A nuclear snowglobe. When shaken, instead of falling snow, it shows a miniature-scale nuclear explosion. It emits no radiation, sound, or force, and the explosion pattern changes every shake. Aftereffects such as radioactive snow and black rain have been observed. At random intervals, the snowglobe will contain a small shed, car, or truck, which reacts to the explosion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Appears to be a normal larch tree, but anyone who approaches too closely (3-4 centimeters) is overcome with nausea and begins to vomit. Analysis after the fact shows traces of apomorphine in the subject's blood.
Date of Recovery: 25-12-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, California, USA
Current Status: Destroyed by multiple shells from SCPS Guardian's 76mm cannon during NSFS practice.
Note: The target coordinates for Guardian's next NSFS shoot were altered to those of the tree. The ashes and splinters did not demonstrate the nauseating properties of the entire tree.

Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████
Current Status: Shot with pistol. Corpse shown to have no unusual properties.

Item Description: A karaoke machine that causes most listeners to enjoy the song played, regardless of previous opinion.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/200█
Location of Recovery: ███████████, ██████████████
Current Status: Currently in Break Room 12 at Site-17, with note indicating unusual effect.

Item Description: An unbreakable silver bust of the goddess Athena, which will occasionally become several pounds lighter or heavier than previous. Average weight is normal for a sculpture of its size. Not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Greece
Current Status: Located in Dr. Bright's office, periodically used for target practice.

Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, California, US
Current Status: Located under a locker in Storage Room 19-553B. Maintenance team required to extract object.

Item Description: A very large seashell, apparently naturally produced, although corresponding to no known species. No similar specimens have been located to date.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████ Beach, ███████
Current Status: Previously located on Dr. ██████'s desk, destroyed when dropped. Fragments in storage.

Item Description: A white cowboy hat. Any person wearing is compelled to whoop and box dance uncontrollably.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██ ██████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a scantly used test chamber and brought out during staff birthday parties.

Item Description: A microwave capable of heating metals and plastics at high temperatures, with no adverse effects.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Missouri
Current Status: Set up for use by all personnel in the Site 19 cafeteria.

Item Description: A Slinky toy that goes up surfaces, instead of down.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, England
Current Status: In use with SCP-███ to detect variances.

Item Description: A mirror that reflects all objects normally, except for the one holding it.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, France
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pair of shoelace that systematically unknot while in use, no matter the knot used to tie them.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Japan
Current Status: [DATA EXPUNGED] with extreme prejudice by Dr Bright after a prank.

Item Description: A highly magnetic hammer. Has been noted to affect non-magnetic metals.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Moldova
Current Status: Used to detect possible metals in SCPs.

Item Description: An electronic thermometer that reports any temperature below 0°C as -20°C.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, California
Current Status: Destroyed by grinding.

Item Description: Six-sided dice that can occasionally land on a seven.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ████████ Gaming Society in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: Being used for research by Dr. McCallum.
Research my ass. He's just using the damned thing to cheat on his sneak attack damage. Dr. Morgan

Item Description: A "hot-and-cold-pepper plant": a Capsicum chinense cultivar each of whose fruits contains, at random, either menthol or capsaicin.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ██████████, Sweden
Current Status: Maintained in Site 19 greenhouse, in use by cafeteria staff.

Item Description: A deck of cards which functions normally when used in most card games, but will always produce the desired outcome when used for card tricks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Unknown, possibly lost.

Item Description: C███-C███ branded and stylized cola glass. Any liquid drunk from glass reported to taste like P████ brand cola
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Destroyed by canteen worker P. ███████, dropped after being washed.
That was my favourite glass too - Dr. Aeish

Item Description: A mini-fridge that rots its contents every Wednesday night.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, █████
Current Status: Crushed.

Item Description: A .500 ███ ██████ sidearm that discharges all loaded cartridges as if they were blanks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: In transport.
Someone keeps switching it for my service revolver. I know it's you, Carb. Suggest using it for training exercises.- Agent V████

Item Description: A plastic trash can that ties any plastic trash bag closed upon becoming full, provided the lid is shut.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, █████ ████████
Current Status: Housed in Site-17 men's restroom.

Item Description: A NEHI-brand Peach Soda bottle cap that, having been dropped into a sink garbage disposal, proved to be indestructible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: Location unknown.
I swear you guys, I totally set it down next to the phone. It'll turn up. - Junior Researcher █████

Item Description: Glass paperweight which constantly floats exactly seven (7) centimeters above any given surface.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██
Current Status: Shattered in bizarre a capella accident. Dr. McCallum is currently being questioned.

Item Description: Eleven children's books (recommended for readers aged 4 - 6 years) with copyright dates between 10 and 15 years in the future — that is, between 2005 and 2010. Aside from having come from a future date, the books are not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1995
Location of Recovery: St. ██████████ Church Flea Market, ██████, ██
Current Status: With the publication of [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] in February 2010, the books are no longer anachronistic (comparison of text and illustrations with publicly-available copies of all 11 books shows no differences), and have been claimed by Dr. ████████ for his daughter.

Item Description: A drinking glass that visually appears to be able to hold a pint (568 ml) of fluid, but overflows when more than 35 ml is poured into it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998
Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois
Current Status: Currently in Agent Bibs' personal field gear.
"Drinking contests are a great way to gain information out of otherwise unwilling folks. By the way, folks who work at [REDACTED] can't hold their liquor." -Bibs

Item Description: A series of pornographic VHS tapes that, when rewound, would continually change actors, sets, and methods of coitus. All appear to relate to actual filmed movies, though the quality is low.
Date of Recovery: █-██-1995
Location of Recovery: Hackensack, New Jersey
Current Status: Missing, presumed lost. Recently recovered from the possession of Dr. ██████. Missing, presumed lost.

Item Description: A 76-centimeter-tall statue of a clown. In room where it was placed, a giggling sound would be noted whenever lights were turned off.
Date of Recovery: 5-16-200█
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current Status: Shot approximately 150 times with a 9mm sidearm by Agent ██████, until nothing remained but splinters. No anomalous properties recorded in the remains.

Item Description: 1 m commercial signage with a large stylized neon ice cream cone. When unobserved only viewed in the peripheral vision of all subjects who can see it, wording will change to "10 000 FLAVOURS; ONE UGLY COOK!!"
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada
Current Status: In storage. Used by Prof ████████ during annual safety lectures regarding memetic SCPs to measure audience's attention.

Item Description: A metal gauntlet that does not conduct heat. Estimates date it to ██th-century England.
Date of Discovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, United Kingdom
Current Status: Currently part of Dr. Edison's private collection.

Item Description: An adult male capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) several thousand miles away from the natural habitat for its species, with bright blue and green fur.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Wisconsin
Current Status: Identified as lost exotic pet with ██████████-brand hair dye. Returned to owner; class-A amnesiac administered; recovery agent reprimanded.

Item Description: An HB pencil which cannot be used to write, and only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1979
Location of Recovery: █████, Liechtenstein
Current Status: Accidentally snapped during testing (1993); portions of pencil did not retain anomalous properties, and were subsequently incinerated.

Item Description: A 24000-carat diamond, cut in the size and shape of a common construction brick.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-197█
Location of Recovery: ███████, South Africa
Current Status: In storage pending identification of source.

Item Description: A white cotton-and-polyester t-shirt bearing the words 'SCP: SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT" on the front, and a crude but recognizable cartoon of SCP-173 on the back, with the caption "SCP-173: DON'T BLINK". Aside from the security breach it represents, the item has no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████ Thrift Store, New York City, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Bookshop, ██████████████████, Wales
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.

Item Description: 16-month day planner (September 2009 to December 2010) manufactured by the ██████████ company which will duplicate anything written into it across all other units. This only works for date/time entries that have not yet come to pass.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ ███████ Office Supplies, ██████ ████, Florida
Current Status: 17 units in Foundation possession; unknown number remain in circulation (estimated at █). Research personnel are monitoring new entries in an effort to locate remaining copies.

Item Description: An Ikea-brand wall clock which seems to disappear and reappear once every second.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland.
Current Status: Disappeared at 1124 hours GMT on ██/██/19██. Item never materialised, presumed irretrievable.

Item Description: A rubber-and-metal flyswatter which, when used to kill an invertebrate, causes the user to burst into tears.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Free Clinic, █████, Suriname
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: An ordinary Pontiac Firebird, bright orange with yellow stripe decals.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: 900 meters below ground level, in an unnamed mine in ███████ province, China
Current Status: Rock around car was carefully extracted, following which the car was brought up through the shaft. After testing revealed no other anomalous properties, the car was broken down into scrap.

Item Description: An instant-film camera with no obvious modifications. When a photograph is taken of an animate object, the developed image is a cartoonized version.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Current Status: Junior Researcher ███████ attempted to take a picture of SCP-███ with it. After whirring for ██ minutes, the camera shattered into several pieces; no photos were produced. Broken pieces displayed no anomalous qualities, and were incinerated.

Item Description: A goldfish with the ability to float in the air at will, without suffocating.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Germany
Current Status: Died of enteric redmouth disease. Swim bladder retained floating ability and is under storage for future studies.

Item Description: A spear that, when thrown, pierces the heart of the nearest humanoid and extends several spikes from its blade afterward. Agents are to note that "the nearest humanoid" is typically the person who threw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████, Ireland
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A seemingly normal hourglass. The anomalous behavior lies in the ability of the sand to fall against gravity's pull.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Virginia
Current Status: Stored until the glass bulb was accidentally broken, allowing the sand to exhibit its anomalous properties and falling upwards where it came to rest on the ceiling. The sand was gathered and released into the atmosphere. The remainder of the hourglass was incinerated.

Item Description: A Risk set that has a variable number of pieces, appearing and disappearing as needed on the board. Sounds of battle are produced by the dice when rolled on hard surfaces rather than the expected clattering.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Oregon
Current Status: Available in Area 43 break room for recreation.

Item Description: A tape measure that consistently measures the interior of any hollow object to be significantly larger than the exterior.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site ██, Analytic Lab █
Current Status: Melted down. Resultant slag shows no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A Salvation Army major's hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to have perfect dental health, with all instances of cavities, breakages, fillings, discolorations, tooth loss, and malocclusion being instantly repaired. The wearer's teeth revert to their unrepaired condition when the hat is removed.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Shelter, ████████████, Chiapas, Mexico.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A piece of vine charcoal that causes "Someone help me! I'm trapped in the charcoal!" to be written every several seconds whenever used for writing or drawing.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Scotland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A white table-tennis ball produced by the DHS company, marked as "Four Star". Note that DHS is only known to manufacture balls up to "Three Star" grade. In addition to showing an unusually efficient bounciness, it launches with extreme velocity when in contact with DHS-made table tennis bat rubber.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Site-██, Recreation Room
Current Status: Item's anomalous properties were discovered when Agent █████ used it in a friendly match against Researcher ███. Item flew through open skylight, current location unknown.

Item Description: A bottle of bootleg █████ █████████ perfume, which attracts cats in a 1 km radius when used. Discovered after a gathering of over 4,000 cats caused a traffic jam in downtown ███ ███████.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███████, ██████████
Current Status: Stored in an airtight container, Low-Value Item Storage, Site-██.

Item Description: An upright piano. If a human touched any of the piano keys, the human became irresistibly compelled to play the piano and sing popular Broadway show tunes, for a period of three hours or until the player was incapacitated. It is to be noted that the item did not provide musical talent, knowledge of tunes, knowledge of lyrics, or the ability to sing on-key.
Date of Recovery: 4-28-200█
Location of Recovery: Recreation center at Foundation Site 33. Piano had been at that site for several years but its unusual properties did not manifest until Incident [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: Disassembled by sledgehammer by a mob of Foundation staff during a "performance"; resulting detritus incinerated. Residual ashes evidenced no unusual properties.

Item Description: A men's Western-style hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to compulsively tell jokes that are racist or otherwise offensive to those within earshot.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Mississippi
Current Status: Incinerated with considerable enthusiasm.

Item Description: A #2 pencil that, when used, causes the writer to unknowingly make spelling errors. Spelling errors can be corrected using the pencil.
Date of Recovery: 6-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 supply cabinet
Current Status: Destroyed. Materials demonstrated no unusual properties

Item Description: A plastic 1 gallon jug which causes any liquid placed into it to have a hint of lemon flavor. No anomalous properties have been found in the material of the jug or any liquid placed into it.
Date of Recovery: 12-██-2000
Location of Recovery: Purchased from a Target store by Agent ████████
Current Status: In Site-19 storage

Item Description: A cylindrical iron rod, 77 cm in length and 1.6 cm in diameter. The object is invisible: light of visible wavelength passes through the object without reflecting or refracting.
Date of Recovery: 07-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Xian, China
Current Status: In Site-19 storage. Yellow reflective tape wrapped around both ends of object for safety purposes.

Item Description: A 30g tube of grey face paint that causes subjects to react violently to objects making sounds higher than 55db, provided that the paint covers at least 60% of the face.
Date of Recovery: 08-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Storage locker of noted filmmaker [DATA REDACTED], California
Current Status: Stored in Site-12 Basic Security Storage Vault Stored in Site-18 Locked Security Storage Vault

Item Description: A 3.5" floppy diskette with a copy of MegaZipIt (c), an MS-DOS program which compresses any file to half its original size and allows for decompression without data loss.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-198█
Location of Recovery: Computer lab on the campus of ████████-██████ University
Current Status: Diskette was misplaced in 200█. Copy of binary on mainframe at Site ███ exhibits no anomalous properties on operating systems other than MS-DOS.

Item Description: A ████ Brand plasma screen television which, when viewed through a window any type of glass or mirror, appears to be blank and powered off.
Date of recovery: 11-24-20██
Location of discovery: █████ Station in ███████, Texas
Current Status: Resides in the Site-34 employee breakroom.

Item Description: A standard Foundation field machete, repeatedly discovered in various places in the Site-██ grounds half-buried and covered in rust, when it should have been safely in storage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: Purchased from regular equipment suppliers.
Current status: Broke in half due to cumulative rust damage. Fragments melted down, slag shows no anomalous properties.

Item Description: Non-branded tablet computer; date stamps on parts read between 1937 and 1941. Contains serial, parallel, USB and ethernet ports. Operating system is non-standard, reads in an as-yet untranslated language, but interfaces with physical networks and recognizes files from all known OS.
Date of recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: █████████ Computer Repairs, ███████, ██, USA
Current status: Undergoing decryption and translation analysis at Site ██

Item Description: A white plastic "halo", which will shine and float when above anybody who has not committed any of the 7 deadly sins. Will glow red when placed above anyone else.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███, ████
Current Status: Melted itself down after being placed above Dr ████ ██████s head.

Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream loudly when placed next to foreign currency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Bank, ██ ██████, ██
Current Status: shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A snow globe containing an 11-second time loop of a snowman murdering a bystander with an axe.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Ski Resort, ██, USA
Current Status: On Research Assistant Goldsheiner's desk, for aesthetic purposes.

Item Description: A ██████-brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if bobbled too hard.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of recovery: Seattle, Washington
Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office safe.

Item Description: A standard-issue Foundation lab coat. The fabric (identified as a standard cotton/poly blend) requires ██ times the amount of energy/force to burn, tear, or otherwise alter the garment's physical properties. There are existing tears and stains on the coat, and is reported as somewhat softer than normal.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of recovery: Site ██'s laundry room
Current Status: Further experiments are to be begun ██-██-20██, after which the item will be destroyed In Agent Bib's domicile, to be worn only during Researcher duties.

Item Description: A book shelf full of Haynes Manuals for various makes of cars which, upon removing a volume, changes to a manual on an apparently random subject without creating a break in the shelf of books. Notable subjects have been "Growing your own Lemurs.", "Force Multipliers.", "Military Grade Railguns." and "The Female Orgasm.". While these manuals follow the typical style and tone of a standard Haynes Manual the subject is, obviously, very different.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In the possession of Dr. Coleman. Currently some 400 manuals have been removed and are being cataloged by him.
Note:- One manual can be removed every 24 hours. Suggest Dr. Coleman is permanently assigned to cataloging after the events at Site-67. -O5-12.

Item Description: A [REDACTED]-brand graphing calculator. When directed to perform any operations involving exponents, a small graphic resembling SCP-███ is displayed following the completion of the operation. SCP-███ is currently uncontained, and is suspected to have been recovered by the Chaos Insurgency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Jiangbei District, Chongqing, China
Current Status: Destroyed. Photographs depicting the anomaly can be found in Storage Site 40.

Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, ████████ Museum, ████████.
Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden at site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture added to Site "Blacklist" of restricted materials.

Item Description: A marble bust of Elvis Presley. When any Elvis song is played within earshot, the bust will sing along with the song.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Memphis, TN
Current Status: In Site ██'s staff lounge.

Item Description: Researcher Adams, after prolonged exposure to SCPs, has gained the ability to mentally 'see' what sexual proclivities anyone he looks at may have. Extensive testing has proven this to be the limit of his alteration. Researcher Adams has stated a dislike for this ability, but so far efforts to remove it from him have proven futile.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 17
Current Status: Adams has been reassigned to solo work, although he is considered 'on call' by the Ethics Comittee.

Item Description: A glass dinner plate, 11 inches across. When organic material is placed on the plate, it begins to secrete digestive enzymes (mainly proteases and cellulases) which produce foul-tasting waste products and an unpleasant appearance in food.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria, discovered by Junior Researcher ███████, who initially believed the kitchen staff were attempting to poison him.
Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr. █████.

Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Minnesota
Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs.
Note: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery. Item no longer classified as anomalous.

Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy source.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ concert, California, United States
Current Status: Destroyed by Research Assistant Goldscheiner, who cited it as "ruining America's youth." Pieces showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: An irregularly shaped piece of limestone approximately 3 kilograms in mass. When prompted for an opinion on the item, all subjects will describe it as irritating, ugly, or pointless. No negative reaction has been noted in subjects who aren't asked about the item.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: St. Augustine, Florida
Current Status: Broken into nine pieces via sledgehammer. Pieces showed no anomalous properties and were discarded.

Item Description: A ballpoint pen. Decimal points in numbers written with the pen will periodically move for the next 314 days.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-20██
Location of Recovery: Accounting department at Site-11.
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23.

Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. ████'s home computer
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s computer, with several backups on portable media.

Item Description: A flight of 18 stairs. It is possible to fall up the stairs in defiance of gravity by losing one's footing while climbing up. No spatial or architectural abnormalities have been detected.
Date of Recovery: 01/22/2010
Location of Recovery: Port-Au-Prince, Haiti
Current Status: Transported in its entirety to nearby Site 89, where it remains in storage.
Notes: Stairs were undamaged by the earthquake ten days prior, in contrast with the house it occupied.

Item Description: A 53-year-old male of Indian descent with unremarkable genetics and history. Subject's body hair will autonomously restrain and systematically dismember any insect or arachnid that it comes in contact with.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, India
Current Status: All body hair and follicles surgically removed. Subject dosed with amnesiacs and released back into general population.

Item Description: A small figurine of a clown that emits sobbing noises when within 10 ft of a circus or depiction of a circus.
Date of Recovery:██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Connecticut
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s possession.

Item Description: A three-sided die: no matter how it is observed, subjects will report that it definitely has three sides, despite this being physically impossible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: A tabletop gaming convention in [REDACTED].
Current Status: Sliced in half, yielded two one-sided dice.

Item Description: An adjustable-height stainless steel floor fan of unknown make and manufacture. The fan will only function when exposed to music written by an artist or artists that no persons within hearing range have knowledge of.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1997
Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida
Current Status: Melted. The remains showed no anomalous properties and have been discarded.

Item Description: A small green desk lamp that produces red lasers of an energy of roughly 300 mW in multiple directions despite having any standard 60-watt incandescent light bulb.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] Department Store in Utah.
Current Status: Melted. Both the bulb and lamp debris displayed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A pound cake that emits the sound of a young girl laughing when being cut.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: █████'s Bakery Shop in Wyoming
Current Status: Kept in cold storage at Site-17

Item Description: A 2.5m x 1m mirror which when viewed shows the last person to be reflected in it, instead of the person currently viewing it. Aside from showing the observer as the last person to view it, it functions identically to a normal mirror.
Date of Recovery:█/██/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████ House of Mirrors, New Jersey
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A regular 2.5" x 2.5" tea bag containing approximately 2.3 grams of dry, crushed leaves derived from the Assam tea bush. Regardless of how many times the tea bag is used, or how long it remains steeped at a temperature between 90-105°, it remains able to release the exact same quantity of antioxidants, polyphenols and catechins, for a given volume of water.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████████, █████, United Kingdom
Current Status: In Dr. ███████'s possession.

Item Description: A slate sculpture of a human hand and a section of forearm, standing approximately 0.5m tall and weighing 50kg. The object's orientation cannot be changed and acts as a perfect compass - the thumb always points due magnetic north.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: Raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. warehouse in London, UK.
Current Status: Staff gardens at Sector-25.
Note: Accompanying recovered documentation indicates that MC&D was having difficulty finding a buyer for the object.

Item Description: A 235-kg █████ █████-brand moped. When traveling at speeds in excess of 30 km/h, it displays inertial qualities consistent with an object of significantly higher mass, generally between 350 and 600 kg, depending on speed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1999
Location of Recovery: ████████, Germany
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A large whiteboard. Should a subject write a problem on the white board, it will immediately begin to form a chart organizing the information pertinent to that problem. The object will then form connections between the information and attempt to come up with a solution. However, it will also write comments regarding the subject's intellect and physical appearance. These are almost always derogatory.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Texas
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A generic type C electric plug branded "220V" with an attached black cord 140 cm long. When connected to a power source, humming can be heard from a point approximately 50 cm from the cord's end. Emits very weak infrared radiation when powered.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Abandoned warehouse in ███████ village, Leningrad oblast.
Current Status: In study in a designated lab at Site ██.

Item Description: An M-75 brick that can cling to uneven surfaces at any angle, no matter how small the contact point. Microscopic study revealed that the brick's surface is covered with microscopic setae similar to those found on gecko footpads. Anomalous properties weaken in high temperatures.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] rural area near Moscow.
Current Status: In storage on Site 43, request for use pending.

Item Description: An incomplete skeleton of a frog that, upon coming into contact with any natural rubber or liquid alcohol, immediately decomposes or denatures any amount of only that substance within a 11.8 cm radius.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: Molyobka triangle near Perm
Current Status: Incinerated

Item Description: A Nokia 1208 cell phone with exactly 2 bars of reception at all times, regardless of location, situation, or condition of the phone. Other functions do not differ from normal cell phones.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ████████ village, Astrakhan district, found in possession of [DATA REDACTED]
Current Status: Claimed by Agent V████████.

Item Description: A purple stress ball that when squeezed causes the person to become contemplative about their recent successes and failures in life.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: In the office drawer of a psychiatrist by the name of Dr. P████ Laymond.
Current Status: Torn to shreds by Dr. Diamond’s pet corgi. Reconstruction is under consideration.

Item Description: A Basset Hound capable of limited human-like speech - only vocalization is the word "dude", in various accents and tones of voice.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ████, California
Current Status: Held in Site 33 kennels.

Item Description: An unbranded plastic spoon able to multiply the travel speed of any food item flung from it - machine testing has proven the multiplier is roughly 4.3.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Texas. Found in the possession of one adolescent J████ H██████ after reports of unusual injuries sustained during food fights in W████████ Elementary School. Item was confiscated without incident; amnestics administered where necessary, rumors faded naturally within one month after recovery.
Current Status: Held in a standard Low-Hazard Anomalous Objects locker in Site-██.

Item Description: A glass catseye marble with blue-green wave. Contact with it results in an invisible spherical (0.7 m in diameter) barrier surrounding the person touching it, for as long as the person remains in contact with it. This barrier only blocks living, foreign biological tissue and is fully permeable to non-living material.
Date of Recovery: 03/07/2001
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, France.
Current Status: Fell down a storm drain following an earthquake at Site 37.

Item Description: A skee-ball arcade game dating to the late 1930s. Whenever 850 or more points are scored in a single frame, the ticket dispenser releases that number of live cockroaches.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1943
Location of Recovery: ████████ & Sons Games, Coney Island, New York
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A key that can unlock the door to any empty, unmonitored room, but with the side effect of a skeleton of a random small mammal appearing inside the room and falling out the door as it is opened.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2006
Location of Recovery: ███████, London
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A treadmill that will suddenly increase the speed to the maximum (15km/h) whenever stopped before the pre-programmed session is over. Unplugging the machine gave the same result.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Health Center, Seoul, Korea
Current Status: On ██/██/2012 subject was found to be broken, and it was revealed that many agents used it for exercise since its containment. After the repair subject did not show its anomalous property anymore, and thus relocated to Foundation health center.

Item Description: A Kodak Disposable Camera. When photographs are taken, all organisms in-frame will appear to be in various states of shock, regardless of their position when the photograph was taken.
Date of Recovery: 09/18/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████ World Amusement Park, Orlando, FL, USA
Current Status: Item ran out of film during testing, was incinerated when it showed no further anomalous properties.

Item Description: A generic baseball cap that can only be worn 'properly'. Any attempts to wear it sideways or backwards cause it to forcibly remove itself from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, New York
Current Status: Incinerated. Remains showed no anomalous effects.

Item Description: A bottle of ████ ███████ brand whiskey that refills itself when not observed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2012
Location of Recovery: ██████ ██████, a bar in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.
Current Status: Stored in the Foundation's refectory.

Item Description: A single copy of the book The Principles of Knitting. When the chapter detailing various problems encountered while knitting is read, the user experiences these problems the next time they attempt to knit. Problems extend to types of knitting not otherwise possible in three dimensions, leading to widespread tangling.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2012
Location of Recovery: Baltimore, MD, USA
Current Status: Incinerated. Remains exhibited no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A shipment of 350 prepackaged loaves of sliced potato bread consisting only of end slices. Viewing the bread causes disorientation and vestibular dysfunction.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2010
Location of Recovery: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Current Status: Shredded. Shreds only caused slight ringing in ears in 11% of test subjects. Added to Site 19 food stores.

Item Description: A ████ brand cassette tape drive. Makes any computer to which it is connected into a TRS-80 emulator. Tape drive itself functions normally.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In Storage Locker ███ at Site ███.

Item Description: A black stone statue of a specimen of Bos taurus measuring 5 cm in height. Causes any liquid within a 10 meter radius to become pasteurized whole milk. When removed from the item's area of effect, liquids return to normal. Affected liquids also include human bodily fluids such as blood and saliva. Effect on human body does not appear to be deleterious.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2009
Location of Recovery: ███████, Wisconsin
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A VHS recording of the 1992 vice-presidential debates. Vice President Dan Quayle appears to have been replaced with a brown quail (Coturnix ypsilophora), which displays normal avian behavior on the recording. Behavior of the other subjects on the tape is unaltered. Forensic video analysis has not revealed any evidence of editing.
Date of Recovery: 11-17-2012
Location of Recovery: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Current Status: In Dr. Q█████'s office.

Item Description: Thirty-one chili verde. All tested subjects have been unable to describe or comprehend the quantity of chili in question except by using only numbers. It has not been observed to expire or otherwise decline in quality despite remaining in containment for several months.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ████████ Soup Kitchen, San Diego.
Current Status: Located in Site 30's cafeteria.

Item Description: An aluminum can. Whenever it was placed in a room, the sound of dripping water could be heard.
Date of Recovery: 01/13/1929
Location of Recovery: Grocery store in ████████.
Current Status: Missing, presumed lost.

Item Description: A partially dismantled 1993 Chevrolet Camaro. Parts appear mostly new, but whenever the vehicle is fully reassembled, roughly 80% of its parts spontaneously detach from each other with minor application of percussive force.
Date of Recovery: 07/22/1995
Location of Recovery: Dr. Gerald's garage.
Current Status: In storage to avoid contamination.

Item Description: A gyroscope which, when spun, has the ability to phase through any solid matter. Any liquid it comes in contact with will remove its phasing ability until the object is spun again.
Date of recovery: 19-08-20██
Location of Recovery: Found phasing through apartment buildings in █████████, ███████. All witnesses were administered class B amnesiacs.
Current Status: Submerged in a vat of water, located within Sector-██.

Item Description: A standard half-diamond lockpick. Whenever a conscious human being hides the object on their person, it will seem to disappear completely, proving undetectable to any method of searching. Subjects report that the object is merely concealed, and are always able to produce it from any suitable hiding spot in their person, even if originally hidden in a different or now-irretrievable place.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Police Department, CA, USA.
Current Status: Reported stolen, likely using the item's anomalous properties. Junior researcher in charge severely reprimanded.
Notes: Object appears to have been part of a set of lock picks, nearly all modern locks prove impossible to pick without a matching tension wrench.

Item Description: A █████-brand digital camera, which took pictures normally, but inserted a random organism within a █-km radius somewhere into the background of the picture.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, TX, USA.
Current Status: Incinerated after a photo of SCP-096 was taken, resulting in [DATA REDACTED]. Subject was contained after █ hours and █ casualties.
[EXPLETIVE REDACTED], be more careful next time. -Security Director ████████ ██████████████

Item Description: A yellow "rubber ducky" bath toy. When a subject explains in detail a practical problem to the item as though it were a living anthropomorphic duck, they will feel that they have a better understanding of said problem, and are often immediately able to come up with a solution.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/199█
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, CA, USA.
Current Status: In display at Site-17's Office Block, for use by all personnel.

Item Description: An empty, opaque cardboard doughnut box. Opening the box releases a beam of blue light, which kills 95% of exposed bacterial organisms.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1986
Location of Recovery: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Swan Goose (Anser cygnoides) which extinguishes fires around it in a radius of 32.444 meters. Effect expands to 101 meters on the night of the first quarter moon.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Altai, Mongolia
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A hard cover book, that when read makes everything a person touches feel like a certain designated texture, depending on the page read.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Cartersville, Georgia
Current Status: In the desk of Dr. Raye.
I like the fluffy kitten page. - Dr. Raye

Item Description: A maple tree, the leaves of which always fall to form intricate spiral designs. Leaves are unaffected by wind during and after descent.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██91
Location of Recovery: Sacramento, California, USA
Current Status: Stored in a fenced enclosure directly outside of Site-59.

Item Description: Seventeen twelve-piece packs of Bazooka bubble gum. Subjects who chew the bubble gum experience severe fatigue until the gum loses its flavor. Additionally, subjects report a minor compulsion to continue to consume the bubble gum until the pack is depleted.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: New York City, New York, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: One lemon wedge, which, upon being introduced to any type of liquid, converts the liquid into sweet iced tea.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██04
Location of Recovery: Spartanburg, South Carolina, USA.
Current Status: Available for use in the Site 19 cafeteria.

Item Description: Ten (10) glass sculptures of Queen Angelfish (Holacanthus ciliaris) that animate when placed in water. Sculptures require all the needs of a regular fish, except oxygen.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Ireland
Current Status: Kept in the aquarium in the 2nd floor break room at Site-17.

Item Description: A Bunsen burner that requires no methane. The burner can be ignited by placing an unlit wooden splint over it, and extinguished by placing a lit wooden splint over it.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A██████, England
Current Status: Used in Research Lab-18 at Reliquary Research and Containment Site-76.

Item Description: A china statuette of British cartoon characters Wallace and Gromit that, upon observation, causes the observer to have a mild craving for cheese.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Recovered with SCP-████ in a raid on a Marshall, Carter and Dark auction.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A set of chess pieces carved from white and pink marble. When used to play a game (rather than normal handling), the pieces transform into humanoid figures in the shapes of individuals important to the players. The king's knight is always in the shape of the player, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 04/26/19██
Location of Recovery: Found abandoned on a public chessboard in Central Park, New York City, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 32 printed copies of John Cage's 4'33''. When performed by any number of musicians, the sound of a euphonium practicing various atonal music pieces can be heard softly emanating from each copy.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Band room of ████████ High School, located in Oahu, HI.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Large plastic case containing, when full, 4,800 sheets of computer printer paper, which causes the text of any document printed on it to be rendered in ███████████ font. Case will refill itself every Thursday at 16:13 UTC if lid is closed at least six minutes beforehand.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A ███████ office supply store in Marshall, MI.
Current Status: In use by the technical staff of Site ██.
Notes: If the effect applies to the text in printed images as well, this could be useful in understanding previously indecipherable writings. It doesn't. —Dr. Kerry

Item Description: A replica of a human skull made out of gelatin. Item has not been shown to decay as per standard gelatin. Item plays music every October 31st. All music has been confirmed to be identical to that played by the band ███ ███████ ████ at their annual concert at the ████████ ████ Zoo.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██11
Location of Recovery: ████████ ████ Zoo Amphitheater.
Current Status: On the desk of Doctor ███████.

Item Description: A live female domestic rabbit, brown in coloring. It is was difficult to observe while remaining still, personnel reported that their "eyes slide right off it. " Is Was a normal rabbit in all other aspects.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██87
Location of Recovery: Greensboro, North Carolina.
Current Status: In the possession of Researcher ██████. Dead, COD determined to be natural causes. All anomalous properties ceased upon death. Remains buried in the backyard of Researcher ██████ ██/██/██06.

Item Description: A carved obsidian statue of a human male, approximately 6 cm in height. The human figure is an male of Mesoamerican descent and indeterminate age, dressed in a feathered costume similar to those described in the Codex Mendoza and exhibiting physical signs of starvation. The statute occasionally speaks in the Classical Nahuatl language, these utterances consisting of vague threats of a meteorological nature and demands for human sacrifice. The object exhibits no psychological or mind-control properties.
Date of Recovery: █/██/1526
Location of Recovery: Site of Mexico City Metropolitan Cathedral, Mexico City, DF
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A STANAG rifle magazine that fits into all STANAG-Compatible rifles, and never runs out of bullets.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: USMC Base Quantico, Virginia, USA
Current Status: In the Site-██ Armory, with metallic tape notifying users of its anomalous properties.

Aitem Deskripshun: A dikshunnarree that alturs ennee tekst deskraibing it to rezembul the langwej's fonetik form, tho nawt in ennee rekognaizd format.
Dayt uv Rekuvurree: ██/██/20██
Lokayshun uv Rekuvurree: Shikago, Illinoy, Yoo-Es-Ay
Kurrent Status: In a standurd kontaynment lokkur at Sait-59.

Item Description: An aluminium box painted forest green, visually appearing to be 40cm to an edge with no openings. Its tangible mass is twice the scale of its visual appearance — that is, it feels twice as big as it looks, and interacts with other matter using physical boundaries twice the size of its visual boundaries. Occasionally emits murine noises.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, WA, United States
Current Status: On fire and unable to be extinguished. Stored in a vacuum chamber at Site-17.

Item Description: A bronze statue of a mermaid. Causes kleptomaniacal compulsions in mammalian subjects continually exposed to it.
Date of Recovery: 6/30/1967
Location of Recovery: ████████, ██
Current Status: Replaced with a replica. Original in storage.

Item Description: The word [REDACTED], a 9-letter imaginary word which is defined as "the opposite of a sieve." The definition is known as soon as the word is read or heard. Only one written instance of the word exists at any given time; the previous instance is erased when the new instance is written, although the word transfers at roughly 1808km/s. The word reportedly feels natural and fluid to pronounce, and so may potentially be easy for unknown independent parties to create and write down. It is otherwise mundane.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Word Generation And Verification Subroutines, Site-18 Data Banks
Current Status: Written on a piece of paper stored at Site-19. In the event that an unknown independent party writes the word, one of several researchers will be on call to write the word down again.

Item Description: A tiara constructed from living specimens of mushroom and other noninvasive fungus. Placing the tiara on a human subject's head causes the subject to become gyroscopically stabilized from the waist up. No matter the effort, the subject will become unable to move their body from the waist up out of a perfectly vertical position.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/1919
Location of Recovery: Copenhagen, Denmark
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A traditional Brazilian berimbau of typical construction and materials. When held by a human subject, and the stick is raised to strike the string, the subject immediately displays an instinctive knowledge of how to play basic traditional rhythms. Further exposure does not seem to result in further knowledge gain, but the resultant basic knowledge remains with the subject after exposure.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Salto, Brazil
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Until it is determined conclusively that the item has no cognitohazardous capabilities, handling and testing is restricted to D-Class subjects.

Item Description: A 129-character string. Entering it on the password field of an online service will allow log-in no matter what the original password was; only known exception is the word "password".
Date of Recovery: ██/██/201█
Location of Recovery: Lagos, Nigeria
Current Status: Archived. Research on encryption and network structures resistant to effect underway.

Item Description: A blue stress ball. When squeezed, holder becomes infuriated, and when thrown, will bounce back and hit the thrower's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ Psychiatrics, ████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A yellow ███████-brand antistatic wrist strap, stamped with the phrase "If it ain't broke, it ain't worth my time!". When worn, strap causes transistor-based devices operated by the user to perform at around 500% of original efficiency for a period of 1 hour. Devices lose all anomalous properties after this period has elapsed, unless still in use by the wearer.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██'s Tech Bazaar, █████████, Greater London
Current Status: Located in Equipment Storage Locker 2, Tech Services Office, Site-11.

Item Description: A standard ███████ brand deck of cards that, when used to play any card game, appear 'backwards', showing all other players the card's face, while only showing the card's holder the back of said card.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ █████, Nevada, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Site ██ Recreation Lounge.

Item Description: A blue hand-less wall clock, brand unknown. When observed by a human being, he/she will always know the exact time, despite the clock's lack of hands. Testing at different time zones gave the same results.
Date of Recovery: 05/30/2013
Location of Recovery: Aosta Valley, Italy.
Current Status: In storage at Reliquary Research and Containment Site-76.

Item Description: A generic desk lamp, attached to a 1.5m cord. Affixed to the cord is a switch labelled "Light Switch" in marker pen. When turned on, the lamp does not emit light, but instead rises gently into the air until the cord is stretched. When turned off, the lamp resumes its normal weight.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Richmond, VA, United States.
Current Status: Neutralized.
Notes: On resuming its normal weight, the lamp fell to the ground and broke. The "Light Switch" has been attached to other objects but does not demonstrate abnormal properties.

Item Description: White pillow that maintains a constant cool temperature. Subjects exhibit the increased desire for sleep when in use. Testing with other pillows of the same brand have proven inconclusive. Attempts to heat the pillow have proven ineffective.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Reykjavik, Iceland.
Current Status: Located within Bright's private bedroom quarters at Command-██.

Item Description: A credit card of an unknown black material. Purchases made with the card via magnetic stripe readers are retroactively debited from Banco de Mexico's account number ██████.██, in October of 1993.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Secret chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A GI Joe brand toy doll resembling SCP-076-2 and advertised as "Abel: The Ultimate Warrior". The doll is inanimate and has no other anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A █.█. ██████ department store in [REDACTED], Iowa
Current Status: Given as a toy to Dr. ████████'s grandson.

Item Description: A red 1994 Toyota Camry whose radio could only play Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" regardless of station, whether a cassette tape had been inserted, and even after the radio itself had been replaced 3 times.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/200█
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Crushed and melted down. Residual slag showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: One computer keyboard. Buttons upon the keyboard cannot be pressed or removed. Repeated testing shows all buttons remain intact following automated heavy compression. Internal analysis reveals no adhesive materials or anomalous properties. Attempted use when connected to computers have failed.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A white bagel slicer. Bagels or parts of bagels sliced with the item retain the structural integrity and rigidity of the original bagel. This continues across repeated use on one bagel — viable slices as thin as 0.2mm have been constructed. Reconstruction of the original bagel from multiple slices will not result in an unusually strong bagel.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Dublin, Ireland
Current Status: In Site 31's cafeteria.

Item Description: A high-tech typewriter that produces a memetic effect on every person trying to formulate a description for said object. Despite being a typewriter, it is always described as a typewriter, with various properties, containment places and such are replaced with analogous typewriter-related properties. The verb "to shoot" and its cognates are not affected, which is a property of the object as well. Attempts to photograph the object are hindered by mental influence, and any attempts to draw or paint the object result in a drawing of a typewriter.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: An abandoned printing device research base that belonged to a group of interest called [REDACTED]. It should be noted that [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: In storage in Site ███ printing devices room. An effort to produce copies of the typewriter is underway.

Item Description: A Playstation 3 video game console. When a game is inserted and played, it is modified to become either impossible or extremely difficult to play.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Osaka, Japan
Current Status: In Site-45 Recreation Room

Item Description: A white 5cm (6d) finishing nail. Does not bend or dull. Impaling it into an object stabilizes the object against all forms of resonant vibration, holding it in place as it was when the nail was inserted. Smooth, constant acceleration of the object is still possible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: San Francisco Bay Area
Current Status: In use to protect SCP-████ from seismic damage.

Item Description: A wooden toy rifle designed to shoot rubber bands using a gear. Rubber bands accelerate to 1/540 the speed of light upon leaving the barrel of the rifle.
Date of Recovery: 10/15/2010
Location of Recovery: Mount Vernon, Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous weapons containment.

Item Description: A red, yellow, and blue plastic pinwheel toy that always appears to be the size of the holder's palm, and is otherwise non-anomalous.
Date of Recovery: 12/18/2010
Location of Recovery: Denver, Colorado
Current Status: In Site-12's Recreation Room.

Item Description: A 2L container of a liquid substance, which has tested to reveal the contents of freshly squeezed orange juice with pulp, but when consumed is reported to not taste fresh.
Date of Recovery: 02/02/1992
Location of Recovery: Montreal, Canada
Current Status: Consumed by Agent ██████ on a triple dog dare.

Item Description: A kitchen sink that, when a liquid is poured into, produces the sound of the liquid moving through its pipes until there is nobody within earshot.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1973
Location of Recovery: The kitchen of ████ ██████
Current Status: Currently in the home of Dr. ████ ████████
What? It helps me sleep. - Dr. ████

Item Description: A computer that cannot connect to any network when networking is enabled, but can attain a connection to the internet of exactly 161.24 kbps anywhere, regardless of the speed of light and other physical limitations.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Portugal
Current Status: Currently used to maintain communications with ████████.

Item Description: A 30cm metal robot toy that can work without an energy source. If direct eye-contact is done, muscle mass of the subject changes into metal.
Date of Recovery: 06/22/2001
Location of Recovery: S██ J███, Costa Rica
Current Status: In Storage Sector-██

Item Description: Glass fragments of a statue, originally composing a Non-Euclidian Structure.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2013
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A lawnmower that turns grass into artificial turf.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: █████ Garden Center, ██████, ██
Current Status: In use by Dr. ██████.

Item Description: A drawing of a dog that, when viewed by an illiterate, teaches them how to read and write Latvian.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ██████████, ██
Current Status: In Level 1 Document Storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A Christmas tree that is impossible to disassemble
Date of Recovery: 25/12/2013
Location of Recovery: Original location unknown, secondary location is near the entrance tunnel to Site-14.
Current Status: In Site-14 break room as a decoration for Christmas.

Item Description: A white porcelain sculpture of a human right ear, 10 cm in length. When held by a human subject, the subject's auditory abilities decrease by 90%.
Date of Recovery: 21/10/2011
Location of Recovery: London, United Kingdom, after a raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. facility.
Current Status: Destroyed when dropped by D-18299 during testing. Remains display similar anomalous properties, but decrease auditory abilities by only 2%. In storage at Sector-25.

Item Description: One coaster. When placed on any horizontal surface, it leaves a circular water stain 6.3 cm in diameter. Stains left by this object have proven to be extremely difficult to remove.
Date of Recovery: 09/18/1995
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████████ Brewery, Gatlinburg, TN
Current Status: Destroyed under unknown circumstances.

Item Description: A blue and white port-a potty. Item was manufactured by █████ Management Inc. Item is to be used for its intended purpose at least once every twelve hour cycle from its last time of use. If item does not receive use once every twelve hour cycle, molten magma will flow from item at a rate of ten gallons per hour for the next twelve hours resulting in normal damage to anything in the vicinity. Magma will cool and harden naturally.
Date of Recovery: 07/08/2009
Location of Recovery: ███████ Fairgrounds, ██████ Alabama.
Current Status: Located outside the Site 15 guardhouse.

Item Description: A sprig of mistletoe that, when suspended at least 2 m. above ground level, caused a strong compulsion in subjects standing underneath it to embrace and engage in romantic activity.
Date of Recovery: 12/23/11
Location of Recovery: The █████████ ████ Shops, Foxboro, MA
Current Status: In possession of Doctor Bright Destroyed by Doctor Rights.

Item Description: A turkey-shaped foam rubber stress reliever. Caused a temporary but morbid obsession with turkeys to human subjects maintaining direct eye-contact with it for more than 10 seconds.
Date of Recovery: 2010/██/██
Location of Recovery: ██████ ██████ Hospital, █████████, PA
Current Status: Eaten by D-12955 after a ██ hours exposure. D-12955 expired 45 minutes later. Remains retrieved from D-12955's body and incinerated.

Item Description: A kaleidoscope. Despite the triangular arrangement of the mirrors, looking into the kaleidoscope displays a panoply of triangles, squares and pentagons, covering the plane of vision with an aperiodical tiling.
Date of Recovery: ██/12/2013
Location of Recovery: Hamleys toy store, Central London, England
Current Status: Assigned to Spatial Distortions research group.

Item Description: A Mark XIX (19) Israel Military Industries Desert Eagle on 50. Action Express with Picatinny rail. When held, it would display an ammo counter in the bottom right corner of the wielder's peripheral vision, and, when fired, would display a point value based on the target hit, in base 5 numeration.
Date of Recovery ██/██/██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Florida, U.S.A.
Current Status: Stored in Site-19 Low value storage unit.
Notes: It sounds cool, but the ammo counter is hard to focus on, which distracts you when you're trying to fire it, and it's nearly useless since you can barely make out the numbers. The scoring system has to be worked out on paper, and there's no easy way of recording the numbers when you have to decode your score every time you shoot. Keep this thing far away from the usable weapons. -Agent Harrelson

Item Description: A male adult zebra (Equus quagga). If fed carrots, would sing the song Rocket man by Elton John in a heavy Swahili accent.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Zoo, Scottsdale, AR
Current Status: Accidentally came in contact with SCP-███ during a breach. Currently theorized to be in the 12th century.

Item Description: An electronic beard shaver that can cut through anything.
Date of Recovery: 07/12/████
Location of Recovery: Norwich, England, UK
Current Status: In a bin at Site-██.
Note: Became completely useless after it ran out of battery on the 04/12/2013. The charge cable was lost 4 days prior.

Item Description: A wireless printer of an unknown brand. The printer prints random pictures with sexual content in place of what it was supposed to print.
Date of Recovery: 06/03/████
Location of Recovery: In an office building located in ██████, Georgia
Current Status: Destroyed by the order of O5-█

Item Description: A work of fanfiction titled "████████████████████ ███████ ████████████", based on the anime "████████ ████ ████████". Any subject who reads it will be convinced that the story is part of the series "canon", though this belief wears off over time.
Date of Recovery: 12/23/████
Location of Recovery: The fanfiction hosting service Fanfiction.Net.
Current Status: Removed from fanfiction.net, as well as various mirrors on pastebin and similar sites. The author's IP address was tracked to public computer in ███████, India, but the author's current whereabouts are unknown.

Item Description: A compact disc of the album Iowa by the band Slipknot. When played, the vocals are heard in the voice of the listener's least favorite vocalist, though the instruments remain unchanged. If multiple people are listening, each hears a different vocalist.
Date of Recovery: 5/17/20██
Location of Recovery: Room 3██ in the ████████ building of the University of California: ████████ dormitories.
Current Status: Destroyed by Agent ████.

Item Description: A pack of ███████ brand chewing gum containing six (6) pieces of chewed gum. When chewed, they will revert to "unchewed" form. Re-chewed pieces do not possess this property.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████ ██████ , Canada
Current Status: In storage in Site-██.
How did we figure out it did that?- Dr. ██████

Item Description: A ████ brand DVD player. When a DVD is inserted and played, only the person who inserted the DVD will be capable of hearing the audio. The picture is visible to everybody
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████ ████, Dalian
Current Status: Used by Dr ████ ██████ for [DATA EXPUNGED]

Item Description: A ████████-brand vinyl record player. It detects the record's speed automatically and plays it perfectly, with a deep and clear sound, regardless of how much the record was damaged.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████████, Italy
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A mirror, two meters tall by one meter wide. All humans reflected in the mirror will be shown as an unidentified white man, with light brown hair, and wearing a gray suit and blue tie former American president George W. Bush, as he appeared in his address to the nation on September 11, 2001.
Date of Recovery: September 11, 1979.
Location of recovery: [REDACTED] clothing shop, Ougadougou, Republic of Upper Volta Burkina Faso
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 16 (sixteen) homemade tallow candles that never burn out or melt. They generate no heat or smoke, and consume no oxygen.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Texas, U.S.A.
Current Status: In Dr. ██████'s office.

Item Description: A tambourine that, when shaken, produces the sounds of a guitar. Staff claim to greatly enjoy it.
Date of recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, England
Current Status: Held in the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A headband with a star burst insignia in the center. When worn on any part of the body, time appears to slow by a factor of 50%.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1999
Location of recovery: █████ ██████ clothing shop, ██████, Russia
Current Status: Held in the Site-██ Armory.

Item Description: A glass eye that will restore sight if placed over an orbital implant.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████, Iran
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A pair of baby blue boxing gloves. If the boxing gloves are used to punch an infant in the jaw, the newborn will grow all of its adult teeth within the following 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: 08/10/20██
Location Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen being delivered to the office of Dr. Bright.

Item Description: A glass jar. When an item is placed inside of the jar and the lid is closed, it seems to disappear. When the lid is opened, the item reappears.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Smashed after being dropped. Fragments currently in storage, showing no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A paper plate. Any item placed on it instantly becomes edible, and starts tasting like chocolate cake.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In use in the canteen in Site-██.

Item Description: A Roman mosaic assembled in the 4th century CE depicting a creature resembling a Stegosaurus. Outside its anachronism, it is not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ████/██/██
Location of Recovery: Villa Romana del Casale, Sicily, Italy.
Current Stats: In display at Site-77's Historical Anomalies Wing.

Item Description: A wooden Pan flute. When played, an unidentified male voice will tell music-related puns in the player's first language.
Date of Recovery: 1991/██/██
Location of Recovery: ████ Music Shop, Salonica, Greece.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A red ███████ brand automobile. The automobile was reported to leave a trail of flames in areas it passed. It is also able to speed up to ████ kilometers per hour.
Date of Recovery: █/█/████
Location of Recovery: █████ family's garage
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen driven by Dr. Gerald.

Item Description: A Roman marble bust sculpted in the 4th century CE, depicting the Emperor Constantine the Great. When placed on a flat surface measuring over 50 cm², it will cast a cross-shaped shadow.
Date of Recovery: ████/██/██
Location of Recovery: Palermo, Sicily, Italy.
Current Status: In a Plexiglass container at Site-77's Historical Anomalies Wing.

Item Description: A black revolver with white plating on the handle of unknown make or model, and one (1) brown leather revolver holder of unknown make or model. When the holder is stitched onto any fabric, and the revolver is inside it, will be unable to be found by any other individual than the one who stitched it on. Anomalous effect will not work with any other weapon.
Date of Recovery: █/█/████
Location of Recovery: Nice, France.
Current Status: In the possession of Agent ███████.

Item Description: A black top hat. When worn, any sounds made by the person wearing it is replaced by an unidentified male voice saying an onomatopoeic word based on the sound (for instance, the sound of sneezing will be replaced by the word "sneeze").
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In possession of Agent █████

Item Description: A bronze statue of an unknown canine, 1.25 meters in height. Any mammal weighing less than 15 kilograms present within a 5 meters radius from the statue will be violently dismembered by an unknown force.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ Pet Shop, Berlin, Germany.
Current Status: In display at Storage Site-12's personnel lounge for decorative purposes, with a note explaining its anomalous properties.

Item Description: A poster depicting design sketches for the facades of the Sagrada Família cathedral by Joseph Subirachs, in Barcelona. Object cannot be attached to a vertical surface by an adhesive for any length of time greater than 10 hours, and will detach regardless of the strength or volume of adhesive used.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Barcelona, Spain.
Current Status: Framed and on display in Site-93's cafeteria.

Item Description: A sheet of blank A4 paper, folded into a paper aeroplane. Upon being thrown, air resistance and gravity both have a decreased effect upon it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Lost after being thrown off the roof of Site-██.

Item Description: A tin can labeled "WORMS" in white paint. Opening the lid reveals another lid directly underneath. Analysis has resulted in the conclusion that there may be a theoretically infinite sequence of lids.
Date of Recovery: ████-██-██
Location of Recovery: ███████, West Virginia
Current Status: In safe anomalous item containment locker.

Item Description: A doorframe, composed of mahogany wood, which renders observers on one side unable to smell anything on the other side.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Mama ███████'s Garlic Shop, Paris, France
Current Status: Installed in Site ██ Cafeteria Doorway
Note: Thanks for this, it makes it a lot easier to eat.
-Site Director Johnson, Site ██

Item Description: A pill bottle, made to contain potassium supplements. Anything placed in the bottle will, when ingested, will take on the medical proprieties of a potassium tablet.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Amcal Chemist, Australia
Current Status: In Dr R███████'s personal quarters.

Item Description: A crow that will cause any observer to burst into fits of laughter.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-██
Location of Recovery: █████, Wales
Current Status: Died of natural causes.

Item Description: One pair of shoes that will cause any female wearer to develop an obsession with German history, lasting anywhere from four to five months.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-██
Location of Recovery: Berlin, Germany
Current Status: Destroyed.

Item Description: A carton of ████████-brand cigarettes. Upon smoking, subjects can only communicate through operatic vocals, with an effect lasting from 8 to 15 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2004
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: Consumed a month after recovery by the Site-22 staff.

Item Description: A kiteshield with a cross in the center, that, when held, attracts any propelled weapons to its cross.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: SCP-2699
Current Status: Heavily damaged via grenade.
Note: For god's sake, be more careful with these things. They were produced circa 1117. They're not designed to be used against modern armaments. Arrows and swords only, from now on. -Dr. Moghadam

Item Description: A copy of Stephen King's Carrie. After reading the twenty-first page, the reader will temporarily become deaf.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ████, Scotland
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A potted palm tree that constantly secretes coconut oil.
Date of recovery: 12-2-1997
Location of Recovery: Mogadishu, Somalia
Current status: Planted in the Site 27 Vivarium.

Item Description: A red 2011 Alfa Romeo 159. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, the driver spontaneously forgets how to use a stick-shift transmission. They regain this knowledge upon stepping out of the car. (It should also be noted that this car has a stick-shift transmission.)
Date of Recovery: █-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Poland
Current Status: In storage, awaiting repairs due to a burnt-out clutch.

Item Description: A black computer keyboard manufactured by ████. No matter what is typed, the keyboard will instead transcribe the script of Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen of Verona.
Date of Recovery: █-██-2003
Location of Recovery: ████████ Electronics Recycling, █████████, New York
Current Status: Discovered to be the result of a custom-programmed microcontroller, which had been implanted in the keyboard as part of a "practical joke" contest between two co-workers of the owner; subsequently recycled.

Item Description: A plain white t-shirt that causes anyone who wears it to express a strong hatred of any object whose English name begins with the letter 'C' and ends with the letter 'Y'.
Date of Recovery: █-█-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ ███, Wisconsin
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A pack of six (6) grape-flavored sodas that are always dropped at least once before the contents are completely consumed.
Date of Recovery: █-█-201█
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status: Drunk. First two by Agent ████, third offered to Agent ██████ before bringing the last three to Foundation attention, remainder used for testing.

Item Description: A black-and-white picture of a flock of sheep that causes any human within a five (5)-meter radius to feel as if they are being watched.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A tree whose leaves always fall directly underneath it, no matter the strength of any wind blowing on the tree. Afterwards, the leaves retain no anomalous effects and can be blown away.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Planted in the courtyard of Dacula High School.

Item Description: A wooden cane that gives any creature making skin contact with it the slight urge to eat it. Repeated exposure appears to strengthen the effect.
Date of Recovery: █-██-201█
Location of Recovery: ██████ hospital
Current Status: Broken in half after original owner attempted to consume it.

Item Description: A small plastic wind-up toy in the shape of a bird. When wound, will orient itself towards the nearest window or source of natural light. When wound up in a room with no natural light sources, will hop in place and emit faint squeaking noises until winding down.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███-█-██, Honolulu, Hawaii
Current Status: Lost following outdoor testing. Personnel occasionally report faint squeaks coming from various areas in the courtyard used for testing.

Item Description: Dr. █████, who apparently has all the memories of his deceased pet octopus.
Date of Recovery: █-██-2013
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status: Working with SCP-████

Item Description: A human brain in a jar. Human skin contact with the jar gives the subject memories of the brain's deceased owner
Date of Recovery: █-██-2014
Location of Recovery: A morgue in [REDACTED] Hospital, at Berlin, Germany
Current Status: Kept in the same jar as previously mentioned.

Item Description: A █████ brand name golf umbrella. When opened water pours out and thunder could be heard.
Date of Recovery: 07-18-19██
Location of Recovery: Lake C████████ Venezuela
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23

Item Description: A Triumph Adler TA-1600 brand computer. When activated all peripherals are turned into aged Abbaye de Belloc cheese
Date of Recovery: 11-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Algonquin College Canada
Current Status: Stored in Site-██ break room

Item Description: A finger painting of a 7 centimeter square inside of a 3 centimeter circle.
Date of Recovery: 12-2-20██
Location of Recovery: Christian Addler Elementary School
Current Status: Undergoing testing
Note: I know the ruler doesn't lie, but my brain just doesn't want to believe it. Guess we're doing something right. -Agent Morris

Item Description: A plastic flashlight that converts solids to orange juice.
Date of Recovery: 7-6-20██
Location of Recovery: Brea, California, USA
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: An antique mirror which experiences a 2 second 'lag' in the projection of images.
Date of Recovery: 18-3-1967
Location of Recovery: Utah, USA
Note: Apart from the aforementioned effect, the object does not exhibit any other anomalous properties and as such is currently in storage

Item Description: A mini figurine of SCP-173. How the object came to be created is unknown.
Date of Recovery:██-█-2013
Location of Recovery: ██████████
Current Status: Incinerated

Item Description: A coffee machine which dispenses tea, even when coffee beans are used.
Date of Recovery: 12-9-1996
Location of Recovery: A convenience stall in ████████████████
Current Status: In the kitchen of Site-10

Item Description: A pen which seems to refill itself every 2 (two) days with black ink. On the side of the pen there is a marking which seems to read "Blue Ballpoint Black Burn"
Date of Recovery: 4-10-2005
Location of Recovery: In an office in ████████████, ██████
Current Status: In Dr. Clef's office

Item Description: A music box which plays large Romantic Era pieces such as symphonies when placed near microphones, emulating a realistic projection of the music despite it being a small music box. The object has a picture of a small Romantic Era orchestra painted on the side. Current known pieces played include Mendelssohn Violin Concerto in e minor, Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony, Wagner's The Flight of The Valkyries and 4 (four) previously unknown pieces which seem to be orchestrated in Beethoven's Late style.
Date of Recovery:14-3-2009
Location of Recovery: Near the site 19 microphones, projecting a concerto at 3:00 am.

Item Description: A magnifying glass that causes the first letter of any word read with it to become capitalized.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Recovered alongside SCP-390
Current Status: In storage

+ Riemann's List

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document may be used as a resource, should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Doctor █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A penny which, when flipped, will always land "heads up".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: Melted down.
Notes: Can’t believe that none of the researchers kept this to win bets with.

Item Description: An ordinary brand ███████ number 2 pencil, which will balance easily on its tip for hours at a time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: I’m not even sure why this was an anomaly. Maybe it just had a very flat tip.

Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: This would obviously be a pain to work with, but didn't they at least try to see how it worked?

Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing. They also appear to reproduce by binary fission every week.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:████, ███████
Current Status: Salted, remains incinerated.

Item Description: A 1964 Smith & Wesson .41 Magnum Revolver. When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!"
Date of Recovery: 09-03-████
Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Current Status: Not destroyed.
Note: Perfectly serviceable and well-maintained aside from the anomaly. Secured in Site 19's vintage weapons depository.
Note: Accuracy or even proficiency with the firearm is not required for the anomaly to function. Voice sounds whether or not the shot is, in fact, "nice".

Item Description: A wire clothes hanger. Only long-sleeve, blue, men's dress shirts with collar sizes between 15.5" and 16.5" can successfully be hung upon it. All other clothing articles simply drop off to the floor when hanger is employed.
Date of Recovery: 09-15-████
Location of Recovery: Halifax, Nova Scotia, CA
Current Status: Melted down. Resultant slag shows no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A nuclear snowglobe. When shaken, instead of falling snow, it shows a miniature-scale nuclear explosion. It emits no radiation, sound, or force, and the explosion pattern changes every shake. Aftereffects such as radioactive snow and black rain have been observed. At random intervals, the snowglobe will contain a small shed, car, or truck, which reacts to the explosion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia
Current Status: In storage.
Notes:

Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████
Current Status: Shot with pistol. Corpse shown to have no unusual properties.

Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, California, US
Current Status: Located under a locker in Storage Room 19-553B. Maintenance team required to extract object.

Item Description: A white cowboy hat. Any person wearing is compelled to whoop and box dance uncontrollably.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██ ██████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a scantly used test chamber and brought out during staff birthday parties.

Item Description: Six-sided dice that can occasionally land on a seven.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ████████ Gaming Society in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: Being used for research by Dr. McCallum.
Research my ass. He's just using the damned thing to cheat on his sneak attack damage. Dr. Morgan

Item Description: C███-C███ branded and stylized cola glass. Any liquid drunk from glass reported to taste like P████ brand cola
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Destroyed by canteen worker P. ███████, dropped after being washed.

Item Description: A .500 ███ ██████ sidearm that discharges all loaded cartridges as if they were blanks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: In transport.

Item Description: Glass paperweight which constantly floats exactly seven (7) centimeters above any given surface.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██
Current Status: Shattered in bizarre a capella accident. Dr. McCallum is currently being questioned.

Item Description: A drinking glass that visually appears to be able to hold a pint (568 ml) of fluid, but overflows when more than 35 ml is poured into it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998
Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois
Current Status: Currently in Agent Bibs' personal field gear.
"Drinking contests are a great way to gain information out of otherwise unwilling folks. By the way, folks who work at [REDACTED] can't hold their liquor." -Bibs

Item Description: A series of pornographic VHS tapes that, when rewound, would continually change actors, sets, and methods of coitus. All appear to relate to actual filmed movies, though the quality is low.
Date of Recovery: █-██-1995
Location of Recovery: Hackensack, New Jersey
Current Status: Missing, presumed lost. Recently recovered from the possession of Dr. ██████. Missing, presumed lost.

Item Description: A 76-centimeter-tall statue of a clown. In room where it was placed, a giggling sound would be noted whenever lights were turned off.
Date of Recovery: 5-16-200█
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current Status: Shot approximately 150 times with a 9mm sidearm by Agent ██████, until nothing remained but splinters. No anomalous properties recorded in the remains.

Item Description: An adult male capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) several thousand miles away from the natural habitat for its species, with bright blue and green fur.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Wisconsin
Current Status: Identified as lost exotic pet with ██████████-brand hair dye. Returned to owner; class-A amnesiac administered; recovery agent reprimanded.

Item Description: An HB pencil which cannot be used to write, and only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1979
Location of Recovery: █████, Liechtenstein
Current Status: Accidentally snapped during testing (1993); portions of pencil did not retain anomalous properties, and were subsequently incinerated.

Item Description: A 24000-carat diamond, cut in the size and shape of a common construction brick.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-197█
Location of Recovery: ███████, South Africa
Current Status: In storage pending identification of source.

Item Description: A white cotton-and-polyester t-shirt bearing the words 'SCP: SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT" on the front, and a crude but recognizable cartoon of SCP-173 on the back, with the caption "SCP-173: DON'T BLINK". Aside from the security breach it represents, the item has no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████ Thrift Store, New York City, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Bookshop, ██████████████████, Wales
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.

Item Description: 16-month day planner (September 2009 to December 2010) manufactured by the ██████████ company which will duplicate anything written into it across all other units. This only works for date/time entries that have not yet come to pass.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ ███████ Office Supplies, ██████ ████, Florida
Current Status: 17 units in Foundation possession; unknown number remain in circulation (estimated at █). Research personnel are monitoring new entries in an effort to locate remaining copies.

Item Description: An Ikea-brand wall clock which seems to disappear and reappear once every second.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland.
Current Status: Disappeared at 1124 hours GMT on ██/██/19██. Item never materialised, presumed irretrievable.

Item Description: A rubber-and-metal flyswatter which, when used to kill an invertebrate, causes the user to burst into tears.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Free Clinic, █████, Suriname
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A spear that, when thrown, pierces the heart of the nearest humanoid and extends several spikes from its blade afterward. Agents are to note that "the nearest humanoid" is typically the person who threw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████, Ireland
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A Risk set that has a variable number of pieces, appearing and disappearing as needed on the board. Sounds of battle are produced by the dice when rolled on hard surfaces rather than the expected clattering.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Oregon
Current Status: Available in Area 43 break room for recreation.

Item Description: A piece of vine charcoal that causes "Someone help me! I'm trapped in the charcoal!" to be written every several seconds whenever used for writing or drawing.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Scotland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bottle of bootleg █████ █████████ perfume, which attracts cats in a 1 km radius when used. Discovered after a gathering of over 4,000 cats caused a traffic jam in downtown ███ ███████.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███████, ██████████
Current Status: Stored in an airtight container, Low-Value Item Storage, Site-██.

Item Description: An upright piano. If a human touched any of the piano keys, the human became irresistibly compelled to play the piano and sing popular Broadway show tunes, for a period of three hours or until the player was incapacitated. It is to be noted that the item did not provide musical talent, knowledge of tunes, knowledge of lyrics, or the ability to sing on-key.
Date of Recovery: 4-28-200█
Location of Recovery: Recreation center at Foundation Site 33. Piano had been at that site for several years but its unusual properties did not manifest until Incident [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: Disassembled by sledgehammer by a mob of Foundation staff during a "performance"; resulting detritus incinerated. Residual ashes evidenced no unusual properties.

Item Description: A men's Western-style hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to compulsively tell jokes that are racist or otherwise offensive to those within earshot.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Mississippi
Current Status: Incinerated with considerable enthusiasm.

Item Description: A #2 pencil that, when used, causes the writer to unknowingly make spelling errors. Spelling errors can be corrected using the pencil.
Date of Recovery: 6-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 supply cabinet
Current Status: Destroyed. Materials demonstrated no unusual properties
Note: Are you sure the person who reported this wasn't just really bad at spelling?

Item Description: A white plastic "halo", which will shine and float when above anybody who has not committed any of the 7 deadly sins. Will glow red when placed above anyone else.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███, ████
Current Status: Melted itself down after being placed above Dr ████ ██████s head.

Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream loudly when placed next to foreign currency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Bank, ██ ██████, ██
Current Status: shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A snow globe containing an 11-second time loop of a snowman murdering a bystander with an axe.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Ski Resort, ██, USA
Current Status: On Research Assistant Goldsheiner's desk, for aesthetic purposes.

Item Description: A ██████-brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if bobbled too hard.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of recovery: Seattle, Washington
Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office safe.

Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, ████████ Museum, ████████.
Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden at site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture added to Site "Blacklist" of restricted materials.

Item Description: A glass dinner plate, 11 inches across. When organic material is placed on the plate, it begins to secrete digestive enzymes (mainly proteases and cellulases) which produce foul-tasting waste products and an unpleasant appearance in food.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria, discovered by Junior Researcher ███████, who initially believed the kitchen staff were attempting to poison him.
Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr. █████.

Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Minnesota
Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs.
Note: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery. Item no longer classified as anomalous.

Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy source.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ concert, California, United States
Current Status: Destroyed by Research Assistant Goldscheiner, who cited it as "ruining America's youth." Pieces showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A ballpoint pen. Decimal points in numbers written with the pen will periodically move for the next 314 days.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-20██
Location of Recovery: Accounting department at Site-11.
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23.

Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. ████'s home computer
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s computer, with several backups on portable media.

Item Description: A three-sided die: no matter how it is observed, subjects will report that it definitely has three sides, despite this being physically impossible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: A tabletop gaming convention in [REDACTED].
Current Status: Sliced in half, yielded two one-sided dice.

Item Description: An adjustable-height stainless steel floor fan of unknown make and manufacture. The fan will only function when exposed to music written by an artist or artists that no persons within hearing range have knowledge of.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1997
Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida
Current Status: Melted. The remains showed no anomalous properties and have been discarded.

Item Description: A pound cake that emits the sound of a young girl laughing when being cut.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: █████'s Bakery Shop in Wyoming
Current Status: Kept in cold storage at Site-17

Item Description: A slate sculpture of a human hand and a section of forearm, standing approximately 0.5m tall and weighing 50kg. The object's orientation cannot be changed and acts as a perfect compass - the thumb always points due magnetic north.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: Raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. warehouse in London, UK.
Current Status: Staff gardens at Sector-25.
Note: Accompanying recovered documentation indicates that MC&D was having difficulty finding a buyer for the object.

Item Description: A 235-kg █████ █████-brand moped. When traveling at speeds in excess of 30 km/h, it displays inertial qualities consistent with an object of significantly higher mass, generally between 350 and 600 kg, depending on speed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1999
Location of Recovery: ████████, Germany
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A large whiteboard. Should a subject write a problem on the white board, it will immediately begin to form a chart organizing the information pertinent to that problem. The object will then form connections between the information and attempt to come up with a solution. However, it will also write comments regarding the subject's intellect and physical appearance. These are almost always derogatory.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Texas
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Nokia 1208 cell phone with exactly 2 bars of reception at all times, regardless of location, situation, or condition of the phone. Other functions do not differ from normal cell phones.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ████████ village, Astrakhan district, found in possession of [DATA REDACTED]
Current Status: Claimed by Agent V████████.
Notes: This thing is useful as hell! Though the reception could be better. - Agent V████████.

Item Description: A purple stress ball that when squeezed causes the person to become contemplative about their recent successes and failures in life.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: In the office drawer of a psychiatrist by the name of Dr. P████ Laymond.
Current Status: Torn to shreds by Dr. Diamond’s pet corgi. Reconstruction is under consideration.
Notes: Is this thing even necessary? Why did we even take it in the first place? Why did Rachel dump me last night? WHY??? – Agent R████████

Item Description: A Basset Hound capable of limited human-like speech - only vocalization is the word "dude", in various accents and tones of voice.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ████, California
Current Status: Held in Site 33 kennels.

Item Description: A skee-ball arcade game dating to the late 1930s. Whenever 850 or more points are scored in a single frame, the ticket dispenser releases that number of live cockroaches.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1943
Location of Recovery: ████████ & Sons Games, Coney Island, New York
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A key that can unlock the door to any empty, unmonitored room, but with the side effect of a skeleton of a random small mammal appearing inside the room and falling out the door as it is opened.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2006
Location of Recovery: ███████, London
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A treadmill that will suddenly increase the speed to the maximum (15km/h) whenever stopped before the pre-programmed session is over. Unplugging the machine gave the same result.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Health Center, Seoul, Korea
Current Status: On ██/██/2012 object was found to be broken, and it was revealed that many agents used it for exercise since its containment. After the repair object did not show its anomalous property anymore, and thus relocated to Foundation health center.

Item Description: A generic baseball cap that can only be worn 'properly'. Any attempts to wear it sideways or backwards cause it to forcibly remove itself from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, New York
Current Status: Incinerated. Remains showed no anomalous effects.

Item Description: A single copy of the book The Principles of Knitting. When the chapter detailing various problems encountered while knitting is read, the user experiences these problems the next time they attempt to knit. Problems extend to types of knitting not otherwise possible in three dimensions, leading to widespread tangling.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2012
Location of Recovery: Baltimore, MD, USA
Current Status: Incinerated. Remains exhibited no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A shipment of 350 prepackaged loaves of sliced potato bread consisting only of end slices. Viewing the bread causes disorientation and vestibular dysfunction.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2010
Location of Recovery: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Current Status: Shredded. Shreds only caused slight ringing in ears in 11% of test subjects. Added to Site 19 food stores.

Item Description: A VHS recording of the 1992 vice-presidential debates. Vice President Dan Quayle appears to have been replaced with a brown quail (Coturnix ypsilophora), which displays normal avian behavior on the recording. Behavior of the other subjects on the tape is unaltered. Forensic video analysis has not revealed any evidence of editing.
Date of Recovery: 11-17-2012
Location of Recovery: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Current Status: In Dr. Q█████'s office.

Item Description: A yellow "rubber ducky" bath toy. When a subject explains in detail a practical problem to the item as though it were a living anthropomorphic duck, they will feel that they have a better understanding of said problem, and are often immediately able to come up with a solution.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/199█
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, CA, USA.
Current Status: In display at Site-17's Office Block, for use by all personnel.

Item Description: A Swan Goose (Anser cygnoides) which extinguishes fires around it in a radius of 32.444 meters. Effect expands to 101 meters on the night of the first quarter moon.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Altai, Mongolia
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A hard cover book, that when read makes everything a person touches feel like a certain designated texture, depending on the page read.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Cartersville, Georgia
Current Status: In the desk of Dr. Raye.
I like the fluffy kitten page. - Dr. Raye

Item Description: Ten (10) glass sculptures of Queen Angelfish (Holacanthus ciliaris) that animate when placed in water. Sculptures require all the needs of a regular fish, except oxygen.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Ireland
Current Status: Kept in the aquarium in the 2nd floor break room at Site-17.

Item Description: A china statuette of British cartoon characters Wallace and Gromit that, upon observation, causes the observer to have a mild craving for cheese.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Recovered with SCP-████ in a raid on a Marshall, Carter and Dark auction.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A set of chess pieces carved from white and pink marble. When used to play a game (rather than normal handling), the pieces transform into humanoid figures in the shapes of individuals important to the players. The king's knight is always in the shape of the player, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 04/26/19██
Location of Recovery: Found abandoned on a public chessboard in Central Park, New York City, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 32 printed copies of John Cage's 4'33''. When performed by any number of musicians, the sound of a euphonium practicing various atonal music pieces can be heard softly emanating from each copy.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Band room of ████████ High School, located in Oahu, HI.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A replica of a human skull made out of gelatin. Item has not been shown to decay as per standard gelatin. Item plays music every October 31st. All music has been confirmed to be identical to that played by the band ███ ███████ ████ at their annual concert at the ████████ ████ Zoo.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██11
Location of Recovery: ████████ ████ Zoo Amphitheater.
Current Status: On the desk of Doctor ███████.
Notes: I would feel a little bad about this, but the concert is free anyway. -Doctor ███████.

Aitem Deskripshun: A dikshunnarree that alturs ennee tekst deskraibing it to rezembul the langwej's fonetik form, tho nawt in ennee rekognaizd format.
Dayt uv Rekuvurree: ██/██/20██
Lokayshun uv Rekuvurree: Shikago, Illinoy, Yoo-Es-Ay
Kurrent Status: In a standurd kontaynment lokkur at Sait-59.

Item Description: A bronze statue of a mermaid. Causes kleptomaniacal compulsions in mammalian subjects continually exposed to it.
Date of Recovery: 6/30/1967
Location of Recovery: ████████, ██
Current Status: Replaced with a replica. Original in storage.

Item Description: The word [REDACTED], a 9-letter imaginary word which is defined as "the opposite of a sieve." The definition is known as soon as the word is read or heard. Only one written instance of the word exists at any given time; the previous instance is erased when the new instance is written, although the word transfers at roughly 1808km/s. The word reportedly feels natural and fluid to pronounce, and so may potentially be easy for unknown independent parties to create and write down. It is otherwise mundane.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Word Generation And Verification Subroutines, Site-18 Data Banks
Current Status: Written on a piece of paper stored at Site-19. In the event that an unknown independent party writes the word, one of several researchers will be on call to write the word down again.

Item Description: A tiara constructed from living specimens of mushroom and other noninvasive fungus. Placing the tiara on a human subject's head causes the subject to become gyroscopically stabilized from the waist up. No matter the effort, the subject will become unable to move their body from the waist up out of a perfectly vertical position.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/1919
Location of Recovery: Copenhagen, Denmark
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A traditional Brazilian berimbau of typical construction and materials. When held by a human subject, and the stick is raised to strike the string, the subject immediately displays an instinctive knowledge of how to play basic traditional rhythms. Further exposure does not seem to result in further knowledge gain, but the resultant basic knowledge remains with the subject after exposure.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Salto, Brazil
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Until it is determined conclusively that the item has no cognitohazardous capabilities, handling and testing is restricted to D-Class subjects.

Item Description: A 129-character string. Entering it on the password field of an online service will allow log-in no matter what the original password was; only known exception is the word "password".
Date of Recovery: ██/██/201█
Location of Recovery: Lagos, Nigeria
Current Status: Archived. Research on encryption and network structures resistant to effect underway.

Item Description: A blue stress ball. When squeezed, holder becomes infuriated, and when thrown, will bounce back and hit the thrower's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ Psychiatrics, ████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A standard ███████ brand deck of cards that, when used to play any card game, appear 'backwards', showing all other players the card's face, while only showing the card's holder the back of said card.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ █████, Nevada, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Site ██ Recreation Lounge.

Item Description: A credit card of an unknown black material. Purchases made with the card via magnetic stripe readers are retroactively debited from Banco de Mexico's account number ██████.██, in October of 1993.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Secret chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red 1994 Toyota Camry whose radio could only play Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" regardless of station, whether a cassette tape had been inserted, and even after the radio itself had been replaced 3 times.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/200█
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Crushed and melted down. Residual slag showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A high-tech typewriter that produces a memetic effect on every person trying to formulate a description for said object. Despite being a typewriter, it is always described as a typewriter, with various properties, containment places and such are replaced with analogous typewriter-related properties. The verb "to shoot" and its cognates are not affected, which is a property of the object as well. Attempts to photograph the object are hindered by mental influence, and any attempts to draw or paint the object result in a drawing of a typewriter.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: An abandoned printing device research base that belonged to a group of interest called [REDACTED]. It should be noted that [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: In storage in Site ███ printing devices room. An effort to produce copies of the typewriter is underway.
Note: This typewriter is great! Easy to shoot, very accurate, good shooting distance, lightweight, supports different key sets and has a 60 cartridge tray. The typing mechanism is detachable, .45ACP and 5.56 versions are available. Most likely, the anomalous effect was developed in order to hinder intelligence efforts. - Agent Cora.

Item Description: A wooden toy rifle designed to shoot rubber bands using a gear. Rubber bands accelerate to 1/540 the speed of light upon leaving the barrel of the rifle.
Date of Recovery: 10/15/2010
Location of Recovery: Mount Vernon, Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous weapons containment.

Item Description: A 2L container of a liquid substance, which has tested to reveal the contents of freshly squeezed orange juice with pulp, but when consumed is reported to not taste fresh.
Date of Recovery: 02/02/1992
Location of Recovery: Montreal, Canada
Current Status: Consumed by Agent ██████ on a triple dog dare.

Item Description: A computer that cannot connect to any network when networking is enabled, but can attain a connection to the internet of exactly 161.24 kbps anywhere, regardless of the speed of light and other physical limitations.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Portugal
Current Status: Currently used to maintain communications with ████████.

Item Description: Glass fragments of a statue, originally composing a Non-Euclidian Structure.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2013
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In storage
Note: It was broken when I found it. — Agent Green

Item Description: A drawing of a dog that, when viewed by an illiterate, teaches them how to read and write Latvian.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ██████████, ██
Current Status: In Level 1 Document Storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A Christmas tree that is impossible to disassemble
Date of Recovery: 25/12/2013
Location of Recovery: Original location unknown, secondary location is near the entrance tunnel to Site-14.
Current Status: In Site-14 break room as a decoration for Christmas.

Item Description: One coaster. When placed on any horizontal surface, it leaves a circular water stain 6.3 cm in diameter. Stains left by this object have proven to be extremely difficult to remove.
Date of Recovery: 09/18/1995
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████████ Brewery, Gatlinburg, TN
Current Status: Destroyed under unknown circumstances.

Item Description: A Mark XIX (19) Israel Military Industries Desert Eagle on 50. Action Express with Picatinny rail. When held, it would display an ammo counter in the bottom right corner of the wielder's peripheral vision, and, when fired, would display a point value based on the target hit, in base 5 numeration.
Date of Recovery ██/██/██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Florida, U.S.A.
Current Status: Stored in Site-19 Low value storage unit.
Notes: It sounds cool, but the ammo counter is hard to focus on, which distracts you when you're trying to fire it, and it's nearly useless since you can barely make out the numbers. The scoring system has to be worked out on paper, and there's no easy way of recording the numbers when you have to decode your score every time you shoot. Keep this thing far away from the usable weapons. -Agent Harrelson

Item Description: A pack of ███████ brand chewing gum containing six (6) pieces of chewed gum. When chewed, they will revert to "unchewed" form. Re-chewed pieces do not possess this property.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████ ██████ , Canada
Current Status: In storage in Site-██.
How did we figure out it did that?- Dr. ██████

Item Description: A tambourine that, when shaken, produces the sounds of a guitar. Staff claim to greatly enjoy it.
Date of recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, England
Current Status: Held in the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A pair of baby blue boxing gloves. If the boxing gloves are used to punch an infant in the jaw, the newborn will grow all of its adult teeth within the following 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: 08/10/20██
Location Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen being delivered to the office of Dr. Bright.

Item Description: A Roman mosaic assembled in the 4th century CE depicting a creature resembling a Stegosaurus. Outside its anachronism, it is not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ████/██/██
Location of Recovery: Villa Romana del Casale, Sicily, Italy.
Current Stats: In display at Site-77's Historical Anomalies Wing.

Item Description: A wooden Pan flute. When played, an unidentified male voice will tell music-related puns in the player's first language.
Date of Recovery: 1991/██/██
Location of Recovery: ████ Music Shop, Salonica, Greece.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A red ███████ brand automobile. The automobile was reported to leave a trail of flames in areas it passed. It is also able to speed up to ████ kilometers per hour.
Date of Recovery: █/█/████
Location of Recovery: █████ family's garage
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen driven by Dr. Gerald.

Item Description: A black top hat. When worn, any sounds made by the person wearing it is replaced by an unidentified male voice saying an onomatopoeic word based on the sound (for instance, the sound of sneezing will be replaced by the word "sneeze").
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In possession of Agent █████

Item Description: A tin can labeled "WORMS" in white paint. Opening the lid reveals another lid directly underneath. Analysis has resulted in the conclusion that there may be a theoretically infinite sequence of lids.
Date of Recovery: ████-██-██
Location of Recovery: ███████, West Virginia
Current Status: In safe anomalous item containment locker.

Item Description: A carton of ████████-brand cigarettes. Upon smoking, subjects can only communicate through operatic vocals, with an effect lasting from 8 to 15 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2004
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: Consumed a month after recovery by the Site-22 staff.
Note: These were really fun while they lasted. Someone should put them in the break room vending machines if the Foundation ever comes across any more.
-Agent ██████

Item Description: A red 2011 Alfa Romeo 159. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, the driver spontaneously forgets how to use a stick-shift transmission. They regain this knowledge upon stepping out of the car. (It should also be noted that this car has a stick-shift transmission.)
Date of Recovery: █-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Poland
Current Status: In storage, awaiting repairs due to a burnt-out clutch.

Item Description: A black-and-white picture of a flock of sheep that causes any human within a five (5)-meter radius to feel as if they are being watched.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A Triumph Adler TA-1600 brand computer. When activated all peripherals are turned into aged Abbaye de Belloc cheese
Date of Recovery: 11-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Algonquin College Canada
Current Status: Stored in Site-██ break room

Item Description: A finger painting of a 7 centimeter square inside of a 3 centimeter circle.
Date of Recovery: 12-2-20██
Location of Recovery: Christian Addler Elementary School
Current Status: Undergoing testing
Note: I know the ruler doesn't lie, but my brain just doesn't want to believe it. Guess we're doing something right. -Agent Morris

+ weizhong

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document may be used as a resource, should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Doctor █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A penny which, when flipped, will always land "heads up".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: Melted down.
Notes: Can’t believe that none of the researchers kept this to win bets with.

Item Description: A large stone which generates mild internal heat, slightly warm to the touch. Otherwise not unusual.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Placed in the core of Mt. ██████, an active volcano. Stone may or may not have been destroyed by heat.

Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: This would obviously be a pain to work with, but didn't they at least try to see how it worked?

Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing. They also appear to reproduce by binary fission every week.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:████, ███████
Current Status: Salted, remains incinerated.

Item Description: Hammer which will consistently miss the nail intended as its target when used by humans. Use of machinery or robots to guide the hammer results in normal function.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:██████, ██████
Current Status: Identified by agent working in Site 19's maintenance shed, currently in storage.

Item Description: A parrot which, although not otherwise anomalous, seems to have memorized the entire works of Shakespeare.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, ███████
Current Status: In stasis. Looking for an agent, researcher, or other party interested in keeping it.

Item Description: A 1964 Smith & Wesson .41 Magnum Revolver. When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!"
Date of Recovery: 09-03-████
Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Current Status: Not destroyed.
Note: Perfectly serviceable and well-maintained aside from the anomaly. Secured in Site 19's vintage weapons depository.
Note: Accuracy or even proficiency with the firearm is not required for the anomaly to function. Voice sounds whether or not the shot is, in fact, "nice".

Item Description: A wire clothes hanger. Only long-sleeve, blue, men's dress shirts with collar sizes between 15.5" and 16.5" can successfully be hung upon it. All other clothing articles simply drop off to the floor when hanger is employed.
Date of Recovery: 09-15-████
Location of Recovery: Halifax, Nova Scotia, CA
Current Status: Melted down. Resultant slag shows no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A carton of thirty (30) 60W incandescent bulbs. Ten minutes preceding burn-out of a light bulb, human subjects in the vicinity would become aware of an itching sensation.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Destroyed, waste remanded to storage.

Item Description: High-fidelity credenza-mounted record player. Musical records played in the device always produce a reproduction of a "live" performance of the piece, even if there was never such a performance made.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1975
Location of Recovery: Tucson, Arizona
Current Status: Housed in Site-64's recreation room.

Item Description: A flowering dogwood tree that appeared to grow shoes. The growths are actually made of wood and bark. They are only clearly visible when the tree has shed its leaves.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: West Vancouver, BC
Current Status: Transplanted to TAF-1, Sector-28.
Note: May have died naturally of transplant shock, Foundation botanists are investigating.

Item Description: A nuclear snowglobe. When shaken, instead of falling snow, it shows a miniature-scale nuclear explosion. It emits no radiation, sound, or force, and the explosion pattern changes every shake. Aftereffects such as radioactive snow and black rain have been observed. At random intervals, the snowglobe will contain a small shed, car, or truck, which reacts to the explosion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Appears to be a normal larch tree, but anyone who approaches too closely (3-4 centimeters) is overcome with nausea and begins to vomit. Analysis after the fact shows traces of apomorphine in the subject's blood.
Date of Recovery: 25-12-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, California, USA
Current Status: Destroyed by multiple shells from SCPS Guardian's 76mm cannon during NSFS practice.
Note: Item was deemed useless and too annoying to contain. The target coordinates for Guardian's next NSFS shoot were altered to those of the tree. The ashes and splinters did not demonstrate the nauseating properties of the entire tree.

Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████
Current Status: Shot with pistol. Corpse shown to have no unusual properties.

Item Description: A karaoke machine that causes most listeners to enjoy the song played, regardless of previous opinion.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/200█
Location of Recovery: ███████████, ██████████████
Current Status: Currently in Break Room 12 at Site-17, with note indicating unusual effect.

Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, California, US
Current Status: Located under a locker in Storage Room 19-553B. Maintenance team required to extract object.

Item Description: A white cowboy hat. Any person wearing is compelled to whoop and box dance uncontrollably.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██ ██████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a scantly used test chamber and brought out during staff birthday parties.

Item Description: A Slinky toy that goes up surfaces, instead of down.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, England
Current Status: In use with SCP-███ to detect variances.

Item Description: A pair of shoelace that systematically unknot while in use, no matter the knot used to tie them.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Japan
Current Status: [DATA EXPUNGED] with extreme prejudice by Dr Bright after a prank.

Item Description: Six-sided dice that can occasionally land on a seven.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ████████ Gaming Society in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: Being used for research by Dr. McCallum.
Research my ass. He's just using the damned thing to cheat on his sneak attack damage. Dr. Morgan

Item Description: A "hot-and-cold-pepper plant": a Capsicum chinense cultivar each of whose fruits contains, at random, either menthol or capsaicin.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ██████████, Sweden
Current Status: Maintained in Site 19 greenhouse, in use by cafeteria staff.

Item Description: A deck of cards which functions normally when used in most card games, but will always produce the desired outcome when used for card tricks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Unknown, possibly lost.

Item Description: C███-C███ branded and stylized cola glass. Any liquid drunk from glass reported to taste like P████ brand cola
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Destroyed by canteen worker P. ███████, dropped after being washed.
That was my favourite glass too - Dr. Aeish

Item Description: A .500 ███ ██████ sidearm that discharges all loaded cartridges as if they were blanks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: In transport.
Someone keeps switching it for my service revolver. I know it's you, Carb. Suggest using it for training exercises.- Agent V████

Item Description: Glass paperweight which constantly floats exactly seven (7) centimeters above any given surface.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██
Current Status: Shattered in bizarre a capella accident. Dr. McCallum is currently being questioned.

Item Description: Eleven children's books (recommended for readers aged 4 - 6 years) with copyright dates between 10 and 15 years in the future — that is, between 2005 and 2010. Aside from having come from a future date, the books are not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1995
Location of Recovery: St. ██████████ Church Flea Market, ██████, ██
Current Status: With the publication of [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] in February 2010, the books are no longer anachronistic (comparison of text and illustrations with publicly-available copies of all 11 books shows no differences), and have been claimed by Dr. ████████ for his daughter.

Item Description: A drinking glass that visually appears to be able to hold a pint (568 ml) of fluid, but overflows when more than 35 ml is poured into it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998
Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois
Current Status: Currently in Agent Bibs' personal field gear.
"Drinking contests are a great way to gain information out of otherwise unwilling folks. By the way, folks who work at [REDACTED] can't hold their liquor." -Bibs

Item Description: 1 m commercial signage with a large stylized neon ice cream cone. When unobserved only viewed in the peripheral vision of all subjects who can see it, wording will change to "10 000 FLAVOURS; ONE UGLY COOK!!"
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada
Current Status: In storage. Used by Prof ████████ during annual safety lectures regarding memetic SCPs to measure audience's attention.

Item Description: A metal gauntlet that does not conduct heat. Estimates date it to ██th-century England.
Date of Discovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, United Kingdom
Current Status: Currently part of Dr. Edison's private collection.

Item Description: An HB pencil which cannot be used to write, and only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1979
Location of Recovery: █████, Liechtenstein
Current Status: Accidentally snapped during testing (1993); portions of pencil did not retain anomalous properties, and were subsequently incinerated.

Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Bookshop, ██████████████████, Wales
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.

Item Description: 16-month day planner (September 2009 to December 2010) manufactured by the ██████████ company which will duplicate anything written into it across all other units. This only works for date/time entries that have not yet come to pass.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ ███████ Office Supplies, ██████ ████, Florida
Current Status: 17 units in Foundation possession; unknown number remain in circulation (estimated at █). Research personnel are monitoring new entries in an effort to locate remaining copies.

Item Description: A rubber-and-metal flyswatter which, when used to kill an invertebrate, causes the user to burst into tears.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Free Clinic, █████, Suriname
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: An ordinary Pontiac Firebird, bright orange with yellow stripe decals.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: 900 meters below ground level, in an unnamed mine in ███████ province, China
Current Status: Rock around car was carefully extracted, following which the car was brought up through the shaft. After testing revealed no other anomalous properties, the car was broken down into scrap.

Item Description: An instant-film camera with no obvious modifications. When a photograph is taken of an animate object, the developed image is a cartoonized version.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Current Status: Junior Researcher ███████ attempted to take a picture of SCP-███ with it. After whirring for ██ minutes, the camera shattered into several pieces; no photos were produced. Broken pieces displayed no anomalous qualities, and were incinerated.

Item Description: A goldfish with the ability to float in the air at will, without suffocating.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Germany
Current Status: Died of enteric redmouth disease. Swim bladder retained floating ability and is under storage for future studies.

Item Description: A Risk set that has a variable number of pieces, appearing and disappearing as needed on the board. Sounds of battle are produced by the dice when rolled on hard surfaces rather than the expected clattering.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Oregon
Current Status: Available in Area 43 break room for recreation.

Item Description: A Salvation Army major's hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to have perfect dental health, with all instances of cavities, breakages, fillings, discolorations, tooth loss, and malocclusion being instantly repaired. The wearer's teeth revert to their unrepaired condition when the hat is removed.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Shelter, ████████████, Chiapas, Mexico.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A piece of vine charcoal that causes "Someone help me! I'm trapped in the charcoal!" to be written every several seconds whenever used for writing or drawing.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Scotland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A white table-tennis ball produced by the DHS company, marked as "Four Star". Note that DHS is only known to manufacture balls up to "Three Star" grade. In addition to showing an unusually efficient bounciness, it launches with extreme velocity when in contact with DHS-made table tennis bat rubber.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Site-██, Recreation Room
Current Status: Item's anomalous properties were discovered when Agent █████ used it in a friendly match against Researcher ███. Item flew through open skylight, current location unknown.

Item Description: A bottle of bootleg █████ █████████ perfume, which attracts cats in a 1 km radius when used. Discovered after a gathering of over 4,000 cats caused a traffic jam in downtown ███ ███████.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███████, ██████████
Current Status: Stored in an airtight container, Low-Value Item Storage, Site-██.

Item Description: An upright piano. If a human touched any of the piano keys, the human became irresistibly compelled to play the piano and sing popular Broadway show tunes, for a period of three hours or until the player was incapacitated. It is to be noted that the item did not provide musical talent, knowledge of tunes, knowledge of lyrics, or the ability to sing on-key.
Date of Recovery: 4-28-200█
Location of Recovery: Recreation center at Foundation Site 33. Piano had been at that site for several years but its unusual properties did not manifest until Incident [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: Disassembled by sledgehammer by a mob of Foundation staff during a "performance"; resulting detritus incinerated. Residual ashes evidenced no unusual properties.

Item Description: A #2 pencil that, when used, causes the writer to unknowingly make spelling errors. Spelling errors can be corrected using the pencil.
Date of Recovery: 6-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 supply cabinet
Current Status: Destroyed. Materials demonstrated no unusual properties

Item Description: A plastic 1 gallon jug which causes any liquid placed into it to have a hint of lemon flavor. No anomalous properties have been found in the material of the jug or any liquid placed into it.
Date of Recovery: 12-██-2000
Location of Recovery: Purchased from a Target store by Agent ████████
Current Status: In Site-19 storage

Item Description: A cylindrical iron rod, 77 cm in length and 1.6 cm in diameter. The object is invisible: light of visible wavelength passes through the object without reflecting or refracting.
Date of Recovery: 07-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Xian, China
Current Status: In Site-19 storage. Yellow reflective tape wrapped around both ends of object for safety purposes.

Item Description: A 30g tube of grey face paint that causes subjects to react violently to objects making sounds higher than 55db, provided that the paint covers at least 60% of the face.
Date of Recovery: 08-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Storage locker of noted filmmaker [DATA REDACTED], California
Current Status: Stored in Site-12 Basic Security Storage Vault Stored in Site-18 Locked Security Storage Vault

Item Description: A 3.5" floppy diskette with a copy of MegaZipIt (c), an MS-DOS program which compresses any file to half its original size and allows for decompression without data loss.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-198█
Location of Recovery: Computer lab on the campus of ████████-██████ University
Current Status: Diskette was misplaced in 200█. Copy of binary on mainframe at Site ███ exhibits no anomalous properties on operating systems other than MS-DOS.

Item Description: A ████ Brand plasma screen television which, when viewed through a window any type of glass or mirror, appears to be blank and powered off.
Date of recovery: 11-24-20██
Location of discovery: █████ Station in ███████, Texas
Current Status: Resides in the Site-34 employee breakroom.

Item Description: A standard Foundation field machete, repeatedly discovered in various places in the Site-██ grounds half-buried and covered in rust, when it should have been safely in storage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: Purchased from regular equipment suppliers.
Current status: Broke in half due to cumulative rust damage. Fragments melted down, slag shows no anomalous properties.

Item Description: Non-branded tablet computer; date stamps on parts read between 1937 and 1941. Contains serial, parallel, USB and ethernet ports. Operating system is non-standard, reads in an as-yet untranslated language, but interfaces with physical networks and recognizes files from all known OS.
Date of recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: █████████ Computer Repairs, ███████, ██, USA
Current status: Undergoing decryption and translation analysis at Site ██

Item Description: A white plastic "halo", which will shine and float when above anybody who has not committed any of the 7 deadly sins. Will glow red when placed above anyone else.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███, ████
Current Status: Melted itself down after being placed above Dr ████ ██████s head.

Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream loudly when placed next to foreign currency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Bank, ██ ██████, ██
Current Status: shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A ██████-brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if bobbled too hard.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of recovery: Seattle, Washington
Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office safe.

Item Description: A standard-issue Foundation lab coat. The fabric (identified as a standard cotton/poly blend) requires ██ times the amount of energy/force to burn, tear, or otherwise alter the garment's physical properties. There are existing tears and stains on the coat, and is reported as somewhat softer than normal.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of recovery: Site ██'s laundry room
Current Status: Further experiments are to be begun ██-██-20██, after which the item will be destroyed In Agent Bib's domicile, to be worn only during Researcher duties.

Item Description: A book shelf full of Haynes Manuals for various makes of cars which, upon removing a volume, changes to a manual on an apparently random subject without creating a break in the shelf of books. Notable subjects have been "Growing your own Lemurs.", "Force Multipliers.", "Military Grade Railguns." and "The Female Orgasm.". While these manuals follow the typical style and tone of a standard Haynes Manual the subject is, obviously, very different.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In the possession of Dr. Coleman. Currently some 400 manuals have been removed and are being cataloged by him.
Note:- One manual can be removed every 24 hours. Suggest Dr. Coleman is permanently assigned to cataloging after the events at Site-67. -O5-12.

Item Description: A [REDACTED]-brand graphing calculator. When directed to perform any operations involving exponents, a small graphic resembling SCP-███ is displayed following the completion of the operation. SCP-███ is currently uncontained, and is suspected to have been recovered by the Chaos Insurgency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Jiangbei District, Chongqing, China
Current Status: Destroyed. Photographs depicting the anomaly can be found in Storage Site 40.

Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, ████████ Museum, ████████.
Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden at site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture added to Site "Blacklist" of restricted materials.

Item Description: A marble bust of Elvis Presley. When any Elvis song is played within earshot, the bust will sing along with the song.
Date of Recovery: █-█-████
Location of Recovery: Memphis, TN
Current Status: In Site ██'s staff lounge.

Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Minnesota
Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs.
Note: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery. Item no longer classified as anomalous.

Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy source.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ concert, California, United States
Current Status: Destroyed by Research Assistant Goldscheiner, who cited it as "ruining America's youth." Pieces showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: An irregularly shaped piece of limestone approximately 3 kilograms in mass. When prompted for an opinion on the item, all subjects will describe it as irritating, ugly, or pointless. No negative reaction has been noted in subjects who aren't asked about the item.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: St. Augustine, Florida
Current Status: Broken into nine pieces via sledgehammer. Pieces showed no anomalous properties and were discarded.

Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. ████'s home computer
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s computer, with several backups on portable media.

Item Description: A flight of 18 stairs. It is possible to fall up the stairs in defiance of gravity by losing one's footing while climbing up. No spatial or architectural abnormalities have been detected.
Date of Recovery: 01/22/2010
Location of Recovery: Port-Au-Prince, Haiti
Current Status: Transported in its entirety to nearby Site 89, where it remains in storage.
Notes: Stairs were undamaged by the earthquake ten days prior, in contrast with the house it occupied.

Item Description: A 53-year-old male of Indian descent with unremarkable genetics and history. Subject's body hair will autonomously restrain and systematically dismember any insect or arachnid that it comes in contact with.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, India
Current Status: All body hair and follicles surgically removed. Subject dosed with amnesiacs and released back into general population.

Item Description: A small figurine of a clown that emits sobbing noises when within 10 ft of a circus or depiction of a circus.
Date of Recovery:██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Connecticut
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s possession.

Item Description: A three-sided die: no matter how it is observed, subjects will report that it definitely has three sides, despite this being physically impossible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: A tabletop gaming convention in [REDACTED].
Current Status: Sliced in half, yielded two one-sided dice.

Item Description: An adjustable-height stainless steel floor fan of unknown make and manufacture. The fan will only function when exposed to music written by an artist or artists that no persons within hearing range have knowledge of.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1997
Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida
Current Status: Melted. The remains showed no anomalous properties and have been discarded.

Item Description: A small green desk lamp that produces red lasers of an energy of roughly 300 mW in multiple directions despite having any standard 60-watt incandescent light bulb.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] Department Store in Utah.
Current Status: Melted. Both the bulb and lamp debris displayed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A 2.5m x 1m mirror which when viewed shows the last person to be reflected in it, instead of the person currently viewing it. Aside from showing the observer as the last person to view it, it functions identically to a normal mirror.
Date of Recovery:█/██/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████ House of Mirrors, New Jersey
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A regular 2.5" x 2.5" tea bag containing approximately 2.3 grams of dry, crushed leaves derived from the Assam tea bush. Regardless of how many times the tea bag is used, or how long it remains steeped at a temperature between 90-105°, it remains able to release the exact same quantity of antioxidants, polyphenols and catechins, for a given volume of water.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████████, █████, United Kingdom
Current Status: In Dr. ███████'s possession.

Item Description: A slate sculpture of a human hand and a section of forearm, standing approximately 0.5m tall and weighing 50kg. The object's orientation cannot be changed and acts as a perfect compass - the thumb always points due magnetic north.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: Raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. warehouse in London, UK.
Current Status: Staff gardens at Sector-25.
Note: Accompanying recovered documentation indicates that MC&D was having difficulty finding a buyer for the object.

Item Description: A large whiteboard. Should a subject write a problem on the white board, it will immediately begin to form a chart organizing the information pertinent to that problem. The object will then form connections between the information and attempt to come up with a solution. However, it will also write comments regarding the subject's intellect and physical appearance. These are almost always derogatory.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Texas
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A generic type C electric plug branded "220V" with an attached black cord 140 cm long. When connected to a power source, humming can be heard from a point approximately 50 cm from the cord's end. Emits very weak infrared radiation when powered.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Abandoned warehouse in ███████ village, Leningrad oblast.
Current Status: In study in a designated lab at Site ██.

Item Description: An M-75 brick that can cling to uneven surfaces at any angle, no matter how small the contact point. Microscopic study revealed that the brick's surface is covered with microscopic setae similar to those found on gecko footpads. Anomalous properties weaken in high temperatures.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] rural area near Moscow.
Current Status: In storage on Site 43, request for use pending.

Item Description: A Nokia 1208 cell phone with exactly 2 bars of reception at all times, regardless of location, situation, or condition of the phone. Other functions do not differ from normal cell phones.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ████████ village, Astrakhan district, found in possession of [DATA REDACTED]
Current Status: Claimed by Agent V████████.
Notes: This thing is useful as hell! Though the reception could be better. - Agent V████████.

Item Description: A purple stress ball that when squeezed causes the person to become contemplative about their recent successes and failures in life.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: In the office drawer of a psychiatrist by the name of Dr. P████ Laymond.
Current Status: Torn to shreds by Dr. Diamond’s pet corgi. Reconstruction is under consideration.
Notes: Is this thing even necessary? Why did we even take it in the first place? Why did Rachel dump me last night? WHY??? – Agent R████████

Item Description: A Basset Hound capable of limited human-like speech - only vocalization is the word "dude", in various accents and tones of voice.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ████, California
Current Status: Held in Site 33 kennels.

Item Description: An unbranded plastic spoon able to multiply the travel speed of any food item flung from it - machine testing has proven the multiplier is roughly 4.3.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Texas. Found in the possession of one adolescent J████ H██████ after reports of unusual injuries sustained during food fights in W████████ Elementary School. Item was confiscated without incident; amnestics administered where necessary, rumors faded naturally within one month after recovery.
Current Status: Held in a standard Low-Hazard Anomalous Objects locker in Site-██.

Item Description: A glass catseye marble with blue-green wave. Contact with it results in an invisible spherical (0.7 m in diameter) barrier surrounding the person touching it, for as long as the person remains in contact with it. This barrier only blocks living, foreign biological tissue and is fully permeable to non-living material.
Date of Recovery: 03/07/2001
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, France.
Current Status: Fell down a storm drain following an earthquake at Site 37.

Item Description: A skee-ball arcade game dating to the late 1930s. Whenever 850 or more points are scored in a single frame, the ticket dispenser releases that number of live cockroaches.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1943
Location of Recovery: ████████ & Sons Games, Coney Island, New York
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A key that can unlock the door to any empty, unmonitored room, but with the side effect of a skeleton of a random small mammal appearing inside the room and falling out the door as it is opened.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2006
Location of Recovery: ███████, London
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A treadmill that will suddenly increase the speed to the maximum (15km/h) whenever stopped before the pre-programmed session is over. Unplugging the machine gave the same result.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Health Center, Seoul, Korea
Current Status: On ██/██/2012 subject was found to be broken, and it was revealed that many agents used it for exercise since its containment. After the repair subject did not show its anomalous property anymore, and thus relocated to Foundation health center.

Item Description: A Kodak Disposable Camera. When photographs are taken, all organisms in-frame will appear to be in various states of shock, regardless of their position when the photograph was taken.
Date of Recovery: 09/18/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████ World Amusement Park, Orlando, FL, USA
Current Status: Item ran out of film during testing, was incinerated when it showed no further anomalous properties.

Item Description: A generic baseball cap that can only be worn 'properly'. Any attempts to wear it sideways or backwards cause it to forcibly remove itself from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, New York
Current Status: Incinerated. Remains showed no anomalous effects.

Item Description: A single copy of the book The Principles of Knitting. When the chapter detailing various problems encountered while knitting is read, the user experiences these problems the next time they attempt to knit. Problems extend to types of knitting not otherwise possible in three dimensions, leading to widespread tangling.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2012
Location of Recovery: Baltimore, MD, USA
Current Status: Incinerated. Remains exhibited no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A shipment of 350 prepackaged loaves of sliced potato bread consisting only of end slices. Viewing the bread causes disorientation and vestibular dysfunction.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2010
Location of Recovery: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Current Status: Shredded. Shreds only caused slight ringing in ears in 11% of test subjects. Added to Site 19 food stores.

Item Description: A ████ brand cassette tape drive. Makes any computer to which it is connected into a TRS-80 emulator. Tape drive itself functions normally.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: In Storage Locker ███ at Site ███.
Notes: Was originally kept in the Rec Room at Site ████, but had to be removed after a heated fight between personnel during a Space Warp tournament.

Item Description: A black stone statue of a specimen of Bos taurus measuring 5 cm in height. Causes any liquid within a 10 meter radius to become pasteurized whole milk. When removed from the item's area of effect, liquids return to normal. Affected liquids also include human bodily fluids such as blood and saliva. Effect on human body does not appear to be deleterious.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2009
Location of Recovery: ███████, Wisconsin
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A VHS recording of the 1992 vice-presidential debates. Vice President Dan Quayle appears to have been replaced with a brown quail (Coturnix ypsilophora), which displays normal avian behavior on the recording. Behavior of the other subjects on the tape is unaltered. Forensic video analysis has not revealed any evidence of editing.
Date of Recovery: 11-17-2012
Location of Recovery: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Current Status: In Dr. Q█████'s office.

Item Description: A partially dismantled 1993 Chevrolet Camaro. Parts appear mostly new, but whenever the vehicle is fully reassembled, roughly 80% of its parts spontaneously detach from each other with minor application of percussive force.
Date of Recovery: 07/22/1995
Location of Recovery: Dr. Gerald's garage.
Current Status: In storage to avoid contamination.

Item Description: A gyroscope which, when spun, has the ability to phase through any solid matter. Any liquid it comes in contact with will remove its phasing ability until the object is spun again.
Date of recovery: 19-08-20██
Location of Recovery: Found phasing through apartment buildings in █████████, ███████. All witnesses were administered class B amnesiacs.
Current Status: Submerged in a vat of water, located within Sector-██.

Item Description: A standard half-diamond lockpick. Whenever a conscious human being hides the object on their person, it will seem to disappear completely, proving undetectable to any method of searching. Subjects report that the object is merely concealed, and are always able to produce it from any suitable hiding spot in their person, even if originally hidden in a different or now-irretrievable place.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Police Department, CA, USA.
Current Status: Reported stolen, likely using the item's anomalous properties. Junior researcher in charge severely reprimanded.
Notes: Object appears to have been part of a set of lock picks, nearly all modern locks prove impossible to pick without a matching tension wrench.

Item Description: A █████-brand digital camera, which took pictures normally, but inserted a random organism within a █-km radius somewhere into the background of the picture.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, TX, USA.
Current Status: Incinerated after a photo of SCP-096 was taken, resulting in [DATA REDACTED]. Subject was contained after █ hours and █ casualties.

Item Description: A yellow "rubber ducky" bath toy. When a subject explains in detail a practical problem to the item as though it were a living anthropomorphic duck, they will feel that they have a better understanding of said problem, and are often immediately able to come up with a solution.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/199█
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, CA, USA.
Current Status: In display at Site-17's Office Block, for use by all personnel.

Item Description: An empty, opaque cardboard doughnut box. Opening the box releases a beam of blue light, which kills 95% of exposed bacterial organisms.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1986
Location of Recovery: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Swan Goose (Anser cygnoides) which extinguishes fires around it in a radius of 32.444 meters. Effect expands to 101 meters on the night of the first quarter moon.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Altai, Mongolia
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A maple tree, the leaves of which always fall to form intricate spiral designs. Leaves are unaffected by wind during and after descent.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██91
Location of Recovery: Sacramento, California, USA
Current Status: Stored in a fenced enclosure directly outside of Site-59.
Notes: Site-59 personnel have been reported to make bets on the designs produced by the item; no disciplinary action for this behavior is planned at this time, unless Randell neglects to cough up the $50 that he owes me. - Dr. Anborough

Item Description: Seventeen twelve-piece packs of Bazooka bubble gum. Subjects who chew the bubble gum experience severe fatigue until the gum loses its flavor. Additionally, subjects report a minor compulsion to continue to consume the bubble gum until the pack is depleted.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: New York City, New York, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: One lemon wedge, which, upon being introduced to any type of liquid, converts the liquid into sweet iced tea.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██04
Location of Recovery: Spartanburg, South Carolina, USA.
Current Status: Available for use in the Site 19 cafeteria.

Item Description: A Bunsen burner that requires no methane. The burner can be ignited by placing an unlit wooden splint over it, and extinguished by placing a lit wooden splint over it.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A██████, England
Current Status: Used in Research Lab-18 at Reliquary Research and Containment Site-76.

Item Description: A set of chess pieces carved from white and pink marble. When used to play a game (rather than normal handling), the pieces transform into humanoid figures in the shapes of individuals important to the players. The king's knight is always in the shape of the player, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 04/26/19██
Location of Recovery: Found abandoned on a public chessboard in Central Park, New York City, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 32 printed copies of John Cage's 4'33''. When performed by any number of musicians, the sound of a euphonium practicing various atonal music pieces can be heard softly emanating from each copy.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Band room of ████████ High School, located in Oahu, HI.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Large plastic case containing, when full, 4,800 sheets of computer printer paper, which causes the text of any document printed on it to be rendered in ███████████ font. Case will refill itself every Thursday at 16:13 UTC if lid is closed at least six minutes beforehand.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A ███████ office supply store in Marshall, MI.
Current Status: In use by the technical staff of Site ██.

Item Description: A replica of a human skull made out of gelatin. Item has not been shown to decay as per standard gelatin. Item plays music every October 31st. All music has been confirmed to be identical to that played by the band ███ ███████ ████ at their annual concert at the ████████ ████ Zoo.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██11
Location of Recovery: ████████ ████ Zoo Amphitheater.
Current Status: On the desk of Doctor ███████.

Item Description: A carved obsidian statue of a human male, approximately 6 cm in height. The human figure is an male of Mesoamerican descent and indeterminate age, dressed in a feathered costume similar to those described in the Codex Mendoza and exhibiting physical signs of starvation. The statute occasionally speaks in the Classical Nahuatl language, these utterances consisting of vague threats of a meteorological nature and demands for human sacrifice. The object exhibits no psychological or mind-control properties.
Date of Recovery: █/██/1526
Location of Recovery: Site of Mexico City Metropolitan Cathedral, Mexico City, DF
Current Status: In storage

Aitem Deskripshun: A dikshunnarree that alturs ennee tekst deskraibing it to rezembul the langwej's fonetik form, tho nawt in ennee rekognaizd format.
Dayt uv Rekuvurree: ██/██/20██
Lokayshun uv Rekuvurree: Shikago, Illinoy, Yoo-Es-Ay
Kurrent Status: In a standurd kontaynment lokkur at Sait-59.

Item Description: An aluminium box painted forest green, visually appearing to be 40cm to an edge with no openings. Its tangible mass is twice the scale of its visual appearance — that is, it feels twice as big as it looks, and interacts with other matter using physical boundaries twice the size of its visual boundaries. Occasionally emits murine noises.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, WA, United States
Current Status: On fire and unable to be extinguished. Stored in a vacuum chamber at Site-17.

Item Description: A bronze statue of a mermaid. Causes kleptomaniacal compulsions in mammalian subjects continually exposed to it.
Date of Recovery: 6/30/1967
Location of Recovery: ████████, ██
Current Status: Replaced with a replica. Original in storage.

Item Description: The word [REDACTED], a 9-letter imaginary word which is defined as "the opposite of a sieve." The definition is known as soon as the word is read or heard. Only one written instance of the word exists at any given time; the previous instance is erased when the new instance is written, although the word transfers at roughly 1808km/s. The word reportedly feels natural and fluid to pronounce, and so may potentially be easy for unknown independent parties to create and write down. It is otherwise mundane.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Word Generation And Verification Subroutines, Site-18 Data Banks
Current Status: Written on a piece of paper stored at Site-19. In the event that an unknown independent party writes the word, one of several researchers will be on call to write the word down again.

Item Description: A tiara constructed from living specimens of mushroom and other noninvasive fungus. Placing the tiara on a human subject's head causes the subject to become gyroscopically stabilized from the waist up. No matter the effort, the subject will become unable to move their body from the waist up out of a perfectly vertical position.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/1919
Location of Recovery: Copenhagen, Denmark
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A traditional Brazilian berimbau of typical construction and materials. When held by a human subject, and the stick is raised to strike the string, the subject immediately displays an instinctive knowledge of how to play basic traditional rhythms. Further exposure does not seem to result in further knowledge gain, but the resultant basic knowledge remains with the subject after exposure.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Salto, Brazil
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Until it is determined conclusively that the item has no cognitohazardous capabilities, handling and testing is restricted to D-Class subjects.

Item Description: A blue stress ball. When squeezed, holder becomes infuriated, and when thrown, will bounce back and hit the thrower's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ Psychiatrics, ████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A yellow ███████-brand antistatic wrist strap, stamped with the phrase "If it ain't broke, it ain't worth my time!". When worn, strap causes transistor-based devices operated by the user to perform at around 500% of original efficiency for a period of 1 hour. Devices lose all anomalous properties after this period has elapsed, unless still in use by the wearer.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██'s Tech Bazaar, █████████, Greater London
Current Status: Located in Equipment Storage Locker 2, Tech Services Office, Site-11.

Item Description: A standard ███████ brand deck of cards that, when used to play any card game, appear 'backwards', showing all other players the card's face, while only showing the card's holder the back of said card.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ █████, Nevada, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Site ██ Recreation Lounge.

Item Description: A blue hand-less wall clock, brand unknown. When observed by a human being, he/she will always know the exact time, despite the clock's lack of hands. Testing at different time zones gave the same results.
Date of Recovery: 05/30/2013
Location of Recovery: Aosta Valley, Italy.
Current Status: In storage at Reliquary Research and Containment Site-76.

Item Description: A generic desk lamp, attached to a 1.5m cord. Affixed to the cord is a switch labelled "Light Switch" in marker pen. When turned on, the lamp does not emit light, but instead rises gently into the air until the cord is stretched. When turned off, the lamp resumes its normal weight.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Richmond, VA, United States.
Current Status: Neutralized.
Notes: On resuming its normal weight, the lamp fell to the ground and broke. The "Light Switch" has been attached to other objects but does not demonstrate abnormal properties.

Item Description: White pillow that maintains a constant cool temperature. Subjects exhibit the increased desire for sleep when in use. Testing with other pillows of the same brand have proven inconclusive. Attempts to heat the pillow have proven ineffective.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Reykjavik, Iceland.
Current Status: Located within Bright's private bedroom quarters at Command-██.

Item Description: A credit card of an unknown black material. Purchases made with the card via magnetic stripe readers are retroactively debited from Banco de Mexico's account number ██████.██, in October of 1993.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Secret chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A GI Joe brand toy doll resembling SCP-076-2 and advertised as "Abel: The Ultimate Warrior". The doll is inanimate and has no other anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A █.█. ██████ department store in [REDACTED], Iowa
Current Status: Given as a toy to Dr. ████████'s grandson.

Item Description: A red 1994 Toyota Camry whose radio could only play Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" regardless of station, whether a cassette tape had been inserted, and even after the radio itself had been replaced 3 times.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/200█
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Crushed and melted down. Residual slag showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: One computer keyboard. Buttons upon the keyboard cannot be pressed or removed. Repeated testing shows all buttons remain intact following automated heavy compression. Internal analysis reveals no adhesive materials or anomalous properties. Attempted use when connected to computers have failed.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A white bagel slicer. Bagels or parts of bagels sliced with the item retain the structural integrity and rigidity of the original bagel. This continues across repeated use on one bagel — viable slices as thin as 0.2mm have been constructed. Reconstruction of the original bagel from multiple slices will not result in an unusually strong bagel.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Dublin, Ireland
Current Status: In Site 31's cafeteria.

Item Description: A high-tech typewriter that produces a memetic effect on every person trying to formulate a description for said object. Despite being a typewriter, it is always described as a typewriter, with various properties, containment places and such are replaced with analogous typewriter-related properties. The verb "to shoot" and its cognates are not affected, which is a property of the object as well. Attempts to photograph the object are hindered by mental influence, and any attempts to draw or paint the object result in a drawing of a typewriter.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: An abandoned printing device research base that belonged to a group of interest called [REDACTED]. It should be noted that [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: In storage in Site ███ printing devices room. An effort to produce copies of the typewriter is underway.

Item Description: A white 5cm (6d) finishing nail. Does not bend or dull. Impaling it into an object stabilizes the object against all forms of resonant vibration, holding it in place as it was when the nail was inserted. Smooth, constant acceleration of the object is still possible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: San Francisco Bay Area
Current Status: In use to protect SCP-████ from seismic damage.

Item Description: A wooden toy rifle designed to shoot rubber bands using a gear. Rubber bands accelerate to 1/540 the speed of light upon leaving the barrel of the rifle.
Date of Recovery: 10/15/2010
Location of Recovery: Mount Vernon, Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous weapons containment.

Item Description: A 2L container of a liquid substance, which has tested to reveal the contents of freshly squeezed orange juice with pulp, but when consumed is reported to not taste fresh.
Date of Recovery: 02/02/1992
Location of Recovery: Montreal, Canada
Current Status: Consumed by Agent ██████ on a triple dog dare.

Item Description: A 30cm metal robot toy that can work without an energy source. If direct eye-contact is done, muscle mass of the subject changes into metal.
Date of Recovery: 06/22/2001
Location of Recovery: S██ J███, Costa Rica
Current Status: In Storage Sector-██

Item Description: Glass fragments of a statue, originally composing a Non-Euclidian Structure.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2013
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In storage
Note: It was broken when I found it. — Agent Green

Item Description: A drawing of a dog that, when viewed by an illiterate, teaches them how to read and write Latvian.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ██████████, ██
Current Status: In Level 1 Document Storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A white porcelain sculpture of a human right ear, 10 cm in length. When held by a human subject, the subject's auditory abilities decrease by 90%.
Date of Recovery: 21/10/2011
Location of Recovery: London, United Kingdom, after a raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. facility.
Current Status: Destroyed when dropped by D-18299 during testing. Remains display similar anomalous properties, but decrease auditory abilities by only 2%. In storage at Sector-25.

Item Description: One coaster. When placed on any horizontal surface, it leaves a circular water stain 6.3 cm in diameter. Stains left by this object have proven to be extremely difficult to remove.
Date of Recovery: 09/18/1995
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████████ Brewery, Gatlinburg, TN
Current Status: Destroyed under unknown circumstances.

Item Description: A blue and white port-a potty. Item was manufactured by █████ Management Inc. Item is to be used for its intended purpose at least once every twelve hour cycle from its last time of use. If item does not receive use once every twelve hour cycle, molten magma will flow from item at a rate of ten gallons per hour for the next twelve hours resulting in normal damage to anything in the vicinity. Magma will cool and harden naturally.
Date of Recovery: 07/08/2009
Location of Recovery: ███████ Fairgrounds, ██████ Alabama.
Current Status: Located outside the Site 15 guardhouse.

Item Description: A sprig of mistletoe that, when suspended at least 2 m. above ground level, caused a strong compulsion in subjects standing underneath it to embrace and engage in romantic activity.
Date of Recovery: 12/23/11
Location of Recovery: The █████████ ████ Shops, Foxboro, MA
Current Status: In possession of Doctor Bright Destroyed by Doctor Rights.

Item Description: A turkey-shaped foam rubber stress reliever. Caused a temporary but morbid obsession with turkeys to human subjects maintaining direct eye-contact with it for more than 10 seconds.
Date of Recovery: 2010/██/██
Location of Recovery: ██████ ██████ Hospital, █████████, PA
Current Status: Eaten by D-12955 after a ██ hours exposure. D-12955 expired 45 minutes later. Remains retrieved from D-12955's body and incinerated.

Item Description: A kaleidoscope. Despite the triangular arrangement of the mirrors, looking into the kaleidoscope displays a panoply of triangles, squares and pentagons, covering the plane of vision with an aperiodical tiling.
Date of Recovery: ██/12/2013
Location of Recovery: Hamleys toy store, Central London, England
Current Status: Assigned to Spatial Distortions research group.

Item Description: A male adult zebra (Equus quagga). If fed carrots, would sing the song Rocket man by Elton John in a heavy Swahili accent.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Zoo, Scottsdale, AR
Current Status: Accidentally came in contact with SCP-███ during a breach. Currently theorized to be in the 12th century.

Item Description: A wireless printer of an unknown brand. The printer prints random pictures with sexual content in place of what it was supposed to print.
Date of Recovery: 06/03/████
Location of Recovery: In an office building located in ██████, Georgia
Current Status: Destroyed by the order of O5-█

Item Description: A pack of ███████ brand chewing gum containing six (6) pieces of chewed gum. When chewed, they will revert to "unchewed" form. Re-chewed pieces do not possess this property.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████ ██████ , Canada
Current Status: In storage in Site-██.
How did we figure out it did that?- Dr. ██████

Item Description: A ████████-brand vinyl record player. It detects the record's speed automatically and plays it perfectly, with a deep and clear sound, regardless of how much the record was damaged.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████████, Italy
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 16 (sixteen) homemade tallow candles that never burn out or melt. They generate no heat or smoke, and consume no oxygen.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Texas, U.S.A.
Current Status: In Dr. ██████'s office.

Item Description: A tambourine that, when shaken, produces the sounds of a guitar. Staff claim to greatly enjoy it.
Date of recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, England
Current Status: Held in the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A headband with a star burst insignia in the center. When worn on any part of the body, time appears to slow by a factor of 50%.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1999
Location of recovery: █████ ██████ clothing shop, ██████, Russia
Current Status: Held in the Site-██ Armory.

Item Description: A pair of baby blue boxing gloves. If the boxing gloves are used to punch an infant in the jaw, the newborn will grow all of its adult teeth within the following 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: 08/10/20██
Location Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen being delivered to the office of Dr. Bright.

Item Description: A glass jar. When an item is placed inside of the jar and the lid is closed, it seems to disappear. When the lid is opened, the item reappears.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Smashed after being dropped. Fragments currently in storage, showing no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A wooden Pan flute. When played, an unidentified male voice will tell music-related puns in the player's first language.
Date of Recovery: 1991/██/██
Location of Recovery: ████ Music Shop, Salonica, Greece.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A red ███████ brand automobile. The automobile was reported to leave a trail of flames in areas it passed. It is also able to speed up to ████ kilometers per hour.
Date of Recovery: █/█/████
Location of Recovery: █████ family's garage
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen driven by Dr. Gerald.

Item Description: A Roman marble bust sculpted in the 4th century CE, depicting the Emperor Constantine the Great. When placed on a flat surface measuring over 50 cm², it will cast a cross-shaped shadow.
Date of Recovery: ████/██/██
Location of Recovery: Palermo, Sicily, Italy.
Current Status: In a Plexiglass container at Site-77's Historical Anomalies Wing.

Item Description: A black revolver with white plating on the handle of unknown make or model, and one (1) brown leather revolver holder of unknown make or model. When the holder is stitched onto any fabric, and the revolver is inside it, will be unable to be found by any other individual than the one who stitched it on. Anomalous effect will not work with any other weapon.
Date of Recovery: █/█/████
Location of Recovery: Nice, France.
Current Status: In the possession of Agent ███████.

Item Description: A black top hat. When worn, any sounds made by the person wearing it are replaced by an unidentified male voice saying an onomatopoeic word based on the sound (for instance, the sound of sneezing will be replaced by the word "sneeze").
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In possession of Agent █████

Item Description: A bronze statue of an unknown canine, 1.25 meters in height. Any mammal weighing less than 15 kilograms present within a 5 meters radius from the statue will be violently dismembered by an unknown force.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ Pet Shop, Berlin, Germany.
Current Status: In display at Storage Site-12's personnel lounge for decorative purposes, with a note explaining its anomalous properties.

Item Description: A sheet of blank A4 paper, folded into a paper aeroplane. Upon being thrown, air resistance and gravity both have a decreased effect upon it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Lost after being thrown off the roof of Site-██.

Item Description: A tin can labeled "WORMS" in white paint. Opening the lid reveals another lid directly underneath. Analysis has resulted in the conclusion that there may be a theoretically infinite sequence of lids.
Date of Recovery: ████-██-██
Location of Recovery: ███████, West Virginia
Current Status: In safe anomalous item containment locker.

Item Description: A pill bottle, made to contain potassium supplements. Anything placed in the bottle will, when ingested, will take on the medical proprieties of a potassium tablet.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Amcal Chemist, Australia
Current Status: In Dr R███████'s personal quarters.
Note: Can we have one of these. but for painkillers, and in the medical ward?
-███

Item Description: One pair of shoes that will cause any female wearer to develop an obsession with German history, lasting anywhere from four to five months.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-██
Location of Recovery: Berlin, Germany
Current Status: Destroyed.

Item Description: A carton of ████████-brand cigarettes. Upon smoking, subjects can only communicate through operatic vocals, with an effect lasting from 8 to 15 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2004
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: Consumed a month after recovery by the Site-22 staff.

Item Description: A copy of Stephen King's Carrie. After reading the twenty-first page, the reader will temporarily become deaf.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-████
Location of Recovery: ████, Scotland
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A potted palm tree that constantly secretes coconut oil.
Date of recovery: 12-2-1997
Location of Recovery: Mogadishu, Somalia
Current status: Planted in the Site 27 Vivarium.

Item Description: A plain white t-shirt that causes anyone who wears it to express a strong hatred of any object whose English name begins with the letter 'C' and ends with the letter 'Y'.
Date of Recovery: █-█-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ ███, Wisconsin
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A pack of six (6) grape-flavored sodas that are always dropped at least once before the contents are completely consumed.
Date of Recovery: █-█-201█
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status: Drunk. First two by Agent ████, third offered to Agent ██████ before bringing the last three to Foundation attention, remainder used for testing.

Item Description: A black-and-white picture of a flock of sheep that causes any human within a five (5)-meter radius to feel as if they are being watched.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A wooden cane that gives any creature making skin contact with it the slight urge to eat it. Repeated exposure appears to strengthen the effect.
Date of Recovery: █-██-201█
Location of Recovery: ██████ hospital
Current Status: Broken in half after original owner attempted to consume it.

Item Description: A small plastic wind-up toy in the shape of a bird. When wound, will orient itself towards the nearest window or source of natural light. When wound up in a room with no natural light sources, will hop in place and emit faint squeaking noises until winding down.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███-█-██, Honolulu, Hawaii
Current Status: Lost following outdoor testing. Personnel occasionally report faint squeaks coming from various areas in the courtyard used for testing.

Item Description: A human brain in a jar. Human skin contact with the jar gives the subject memories of the brain's deceased owner
Date of Recovery: █-██-2014
Location of Recovery: A morgue in [REDACTED] Hospital, at Berlin, Germany
Current Status: Kept in the same jar as previously mentioned.

Item Description: A Triumph Adler TA-1600 brand computer. When activated all peripherals are turned into aged Abbaye de Belloc cheese
Date of Recovery: 11-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Algonquin College Canada
Current Status: Stored in Site-██ break room

Item Description: A finger painting of a 7 centimeter square inside of a 3 centimeter circle.
Date of Recovery: 12-2-20██
Location of Recovery: Christian Addler Elementary School
Current Status: Undergoing testing

Item Description: An antique mirror which experiences a 2 second 'lag' in the projection of images.
Date of Recovery: 18-3-1967
Location of Recovery: Utah, USA
Note: Apart from the aforementioned effect, the object does not exhibit any other anomalous properties and as such is currently in storage

Item Description: A coffee machine which dispenses tea, even when coffee beans are used.
Date of Recovery: 12-9-1996
Location of Recovery: A convenience stall in ████████████████
Current Status: In the kitchen of Site-10

Item Description: A pen which seems to refill itself every 2 (two) days with black ink. On the side of the pen there is a marking which seems to read "Blue Ballpoint Black Burn"
Date of Recovery: 4-10-2005
Location of Recovery: In an office in ████████████, ██████
Current Status: In Dr. Clef's office

Item Description: A music box which plays large Romantic Era pieces such as symphonies when placed near microphones, emulating a realistic projection of the music despite it being a small music box. The object has a picture of a small Romantic Era orchestra painted on the side. Current known pieces played include Mendelssohn Violin Concerto in e minor, Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony, Wagner's The Flight of The Valkyries and 4 (four) previously unknown pieces which seem to be orchestrated in Beethoven's Late style.
Date of Recovery:14-3-2009
Location of Recovery: Near the site 19 microphones, projecting a concerto at 3:00 am.
Note: Some personnel are considering releasing the unknown Beethoven pieces, dubbed his 10th-13th symphonies, although Site Directors have answered in the negative
Current Status: In storage.