Edgy Shitposting at its Finest

Epic Style

Item Description: British Flag from 1708 that will flap in random directions regardless of wind speeds when attached to a flag pole of any height.
Date of Recovery: 11-3-19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, England
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Welding Torch that can come into contact with human skin without damaging it.
Date of Recovery: 5-17-████
Location of Recovery: Hog Bay, Bermuda
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Tool will still weld metal and will still damage clothing and all other materials a Welding Torch would usually damage.

Item Description: Copy of "At the Cotton Club" music CD that, when played, will cause immediate cardiac arrest.
Location of Recovery: ████████,█████████
Date of Recovery: 10-██-20██
Current Status: Incinerated
Note: Music is actually quite good, I mean, until your heart stops working.

Item Description: Pamphlet with cover of a "Ski Trips with your Family" pamphlet, containing all access points and possibly breachable walls in Site-██.
Location of Recovery: Portland, Oregon
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Current Status: Incinerated