Do not edit other writers' sandboxes without permission.
0pew pew
Back to My Main SandBox
Back to My Alt SandBox
Back to New Main Sandbox
sandbox
Rough
ch ch
…
THE END
Crit rec'd from:
- …
- …
by any means.
Worst Joke Ever!
Article about a joke which is anomalously bad.
Somehow, the middle of the joke is never revealed in the article.
Anyone who tells the joke will be the target of violent retribution on account of how awful the joke is.
The set-up may be revealed, maybe even a punchline - but the full context and/or nature of the joke itself must be left to the reader's imagination.
Excerpt from Testing of Anomalous Object #54451, a paperback book titled "101 jokes for yuksters"
Dr. Kraus: Read the joke which begins on page 44, numbered 'Joke #37', please.
D-4006: Okay. "So… A priest, a rabbi, and an underaged prostitute walk into a bar."
Dr. Kraus: Well, I already don't like where this is going…
<90 seconds of footage is lost from the feed>
D-4006: The priest says, "that's not my cassock"; and then the prostitute says "that's not my hand."
<30 seconds of footage is lost from the feed>
Amidst the remnants of a smashed apart chair, Dr. Kraus is bludgeoning D-4006 with one of the pieces.
Testing ends as Security Guards intervene.
Maybe telling the joke also grants the teller a degree of immunity from long term crippling effects of the beating they inevitably receive. Still not reccomended for use amongst anyone who might hold it against you in the future personally.
.
Ball King was formerly the owner and operator of the small business "Bowling Palace & Arcadia".
Due to troubles, his business became less prosperous until he could no longer keep it up.
Something happens wherein some kind of "Beauty and the Beast" curse turns the owner into a bowling ball who has full reign over all of the bowling centre as with the power of a reality bender.
He adapts the persona of a royal king ruling over a medieval domain.
He is presented as egotistical, but may eventually reveal a softer side; being a prideful person who couldn't come to terms with his failing circumstances.
.
"No commiting for 6 months"
No committing suicide.
Because you are a zombie. And it's understandable that you might feel an instinctual urge to "re-kill" yourself. But that won't work - the first step to being a zombie is acceptance…
X
"Da Krumps"
- Dancing clowns.
- Constantly in motion / krumping.
- Capable of performing any hip-hop dance move in existence.
- Sometimes seem capable of rapidly multiplying their numbers, as a particularly powerful dance move may cause additional krump clowns to appear from just beyond an observer's range of vision - they will flock toward the original dancer in manner which demonstrates how absolutely hyped they are over the awesome dance moves.
- More likely to dress in bright colours and eccentric materials.
- Often deceptively strong, despite commonly being smaller in stature than other breeds of clown.
- …
…
Intense Encounter between an MTF Deployment and "Da Krumps"
Bravo-1: "Control, be advised we have encountered multiple instances of SCP-XXXX-2; subjects are physically active, but do not appear hostile."
Control: "Copy that. Can you elaborate on what you're seeing?"
Bravo-1: "Affirmative. All subjects do be krumping, though just one of them seems to be assuming the role of leader."
Bravo-2: "Look out! That stanky leg!"
Bravo-1: "Stand down Bravo-2! Control, I can confirm that the subject is doing the stanky leg. This fireteam is assuming a defensive posture; do we have permission to engage, over?"
Crontrol: "Negative Bravo Team, do not engage unless directly threatened. Be wary of any further escalation."
Bravo-1: "They are doing the cabbage patch! I repeat, all subjects present are doing the cabbage patch in unison! Bravo Team, calmly retreat toward the exit. Control, this is Bravo Team withdrawing, over!"
…
Both of these are intense attention-seeking breeds of clown, albeit in different ways. As neither of them are actually violent in their action, their "turf war" must come to a stalemate at some point.
This may still pose a threat to normalcy in the region if the flagrant clown activity goes unchecked.
Could this situation have been created by a careless amateur clown rancher who abandoned their clowns when they became too much hassle to take proper care of?
What will the Foundation do to resolve this crisis?
…
Mc&d yachrt owner picks up castaway, will return yhe. To shore with convenience of planned voyage, etc etc - tragedy, scp mia, only some records left behind must be unterpreted to piece story together
…
…
X ♡ X
~~~
THE END
Other stuff:
In-line Colours
Red
Crimson
Maroon
Salmon
Pink
Orange
Gold
Yellow
Green
Lime
Olive
Khaki
Blue
Navy
Teal
Aqua
Azure
Purple
…
Red
Crimson
MaroonSalmon
PinkOrange
Gold
YellowGreen
Lime
Olive
KhakiBlue
Navy
Teal
Aqua
AzurePurple
16/02/21
Corporate interests want to appeal to me? You want to market goods and services towards me?
We want to appeal to your entire demographic.
YOU CAN'T TARGET MY DEMOGRAPHIC!
Gotta be a 'Few Good Men' spoof in there.
(To do: Watch the actual film at least once)
13/02/21
It's a Misunderstanding
This researcher got writ up by an internal investigation. But the report was written vaguely and in a way that implies things were (or may have been) much different than the case was.
Something something 'moral failing on the part of Researcher McKinney' led to something something 'compromising positions for parties involved' , right?
Yes. But no, not like you think. The anomaly was just a kiwi!
You did it with a piece of fruit?
No, it was a kiwi like the bird. And no, I never did it with an anomaly ever, that's all false.
27/01/21
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Overseer #5.
One, two, three four five
SCPs have breached containment at this Site
So let's - sound the lockdown warning
The boys say they called in MTF, but I really don't want a
Bloodbath like we had last week
Doctors are expensive but Ds are cheap
Now here's a Karcist - who thinks she's - Halyena - Ieva
And as I continue, you know she's chopping feet up
So what can I do
Idea 19/08/20
A Pataphysics Expert describes how he has developed the technique of "if you need a story to end, just say that a truck comes outta nowhere and runs everyone over". He describes how it has saved his life many times, when his opponents were run over by trucks that suddenly came outta nowhere. The other character here will be skeptical of this being a valid technique, and after pressing the matter too far… they are run over by a truck that comes outta nowhere.
- A Lee & McKinney joint
- S.O. Diego has to interview the only two witnesses to this event.
- They recreate the conversation as it occurred, right up to the point that "a truck came outta nowhere and ran that guy over".
- Convenient? Not for me… says Diego, scowling at the paperwork.
Anomalous Items idea (?)
Description: A physically normal pair of trousers. Sometimes a fingernail clipping of indeterminate origin will manifest inside either of the pockets. Research is ongoing.
…
new stuff
new 2
—-
…
The End
…
1.
Great Example Of Effective Redactions
Sometimes an author wants to show that the Foundation censors information within its own documents for reasons of security clearances, or hiding sensitive information, or maybe some other kind of in-universe justification; and that it will make the article "mysterious" or "scarier" or "look realistic".
But also still make sure that the audience gets all the plot details.
Example:
Foreword: On the morning of ██/██/████, Foundation Field Agent █████████ (Codename: WHISKER) was deployed to ██████████, ██ for the purposes of conducting a clandestine meeting with a deep undercover asset (Codename: BALLISTA) in the ███████ Embassy.
CONTROL: What's your status, WHISKER?
WHISKER: I'm still making my way to the rendezvous point; the streets are packed with people out to see the Independence Day parade!
CONTROL: Will there be an issue with getting there on time?
WHISKER: Don't worry about a thing CONTROL. Nobody knows the streets of our fine nation's capital better than me; I'm taking a shortcut right now.
[WHISKER reaches the meeting point, where BALLISTA is waiting.]
WHISKER: Grigori, you bald son of a bitch! Come here, give your boy McClusky a hug. Have you gained weight? Somebody better lay off the borscht, am I right comrade? Hahaha!
Note: In the interest of maintaining informational security, the rest of this audio log has been [REDACTED] to sanitize potentially identifying details about the operation.
2.
I think that guy saw us just now. Better amnesticise him before we leave.
Yeah. Go give him a dose of Class-A and then we'll get outta here.
checks
I only have a Class-C…
Alright.
Well have you got a couple Class-A's?
Just give him the Class-C.
He doesn't need a Class-C! He probably hasn't seen us do crap.
What's the big deal?
What's the big deal? I'm not going to give Class-C amnestics to an improbable witness!
Lower your voice.
What, you go and amnesticise him, why don't you! Huh?
I don't have any amnestics on me right now…
Don't you lie! I know you have a Class-B tucked in your kit.
I need that for later though.
Why?
You know why.
Bullshit!
The guy's looking at us, will you lower your voice.
I'm sick of this! I'm sick of you always having me amnesticise all these civillians, and with higher doses than reasonable! I can't keep doing it, it isn't right!
Stop it. He's coming this way.
Uh.. Hey guys. What's going on over here?
…
…
Agent McKinney steps forward and hands the witness a $100 bill.
You didn't see nothin', got it?
The two Agents quickly shuffle away and leave the scene.
…
…
What?
I can't believe you made me administer Class-C amnestics to that guy.
3.
…
THE END
xxx
…
xxx
…
Working Notes:
Respect The Redd Mennace! 🚨
| SCP-4601 - Last thing that got posted!
CLOSED
Bad scp.
Item #: 10000
KETER class
Special containmnt procedures: (wall of text about beehuves)
Scp-xxxx is bee big bee and the bee goes inside a person and the person turned into scp-xxxx-1 and was full of honey nut there was too much honey and the honey came out of every orifice and the bees fly away.
Addenda- when Agent Raptor went with an mtf to contain the scp the MTF guards eated the honey but it made them have to try and kill each other and (REDACTED) dead. Raptor contained it and now the bee is contained in a cell. Raptor is the one survivor of this deadly mission from everyone who went. But he refused to talk about what happened on that deadly mission.
Addendum 1:
i eated the honey. - O5-1
Footnote: its bad because now the overseers will have bees.
Alphabet Song Phonetically
Ayy, Bee, Cee, Dee, Eee, Eff, Gee,
Aych, Aye, Jay, Kay, Ell-Em-En-Oh-Pee,
Cue, Arr, Ess, Tee, You, Vee,
Double-you, Ex, Why and Zed,
Now I know my ABCs,
Next time won't you sing with me?
X
X
X
CC Notes
A private chat discussion of Site Directors where they treat their staff like the roster of a fantasy football league and discuss HR trades / trashtalk each others performance.
Your whole research staff is shit. It would take your best researcher for me to even consider this trade.
Ok, fine. I'll give you Doctor [REDACTED], and my Third Round draft pick - but I need two solid Containment Technicians, plus Security Officer Rando.
1)
"Thoughts?"
"Sure. I have thoughts all the time."
Ben smiled wryly at his partner's wit. "About the task before us," he specified, continuing to polish his revolver. "How to go about skinning this cat."
"Well, what did you have in mind?"
"I thought we might ride into town separately, keep our connection concealed on first impressions."
Calvin nodded his agreement with this strategy as he stoked the campfire. The two Club Cowboys were bivouacked near a lonely tree on the plain, under a clear and starry sky.
"I figured you could start at the telegraph office, since that's our best lead right now," Mr. Benedict continued, now stowing his gunbelt under his coat and hat. "I might try and drop in on local law enforcement, see if our quarry made their acquaintance on his way through."
Mr. Coleridge nodded some more, knowing this plan was about to conclude the way that all Benedict's such plans concluded.
"Then I was thinking that we could meet up in the local saloon or wherever these folk go for a drink, and discuss our findings there."
"Sure, sounds like a plan."
"Okay then," Benedict said after squaring away his kit. "I'm turning in for the night." He turned his back to the fire and tucked himself into his bedroll.
"Yeah, alright." Calvin muttered. He was still reading by flickering firelight; poring over the telegrams between their current benefactor and the person they were tasked with finding.
…
2)
…
Notes
Two members of Cowboy Club have taken on a contract from a local sheriff to investigate the mysterious disappearance of his deputy who was tailing a strange outlaw.
Two distinct characters who combine their talents and abilities to get any job done.
Their only clues are: a description of the bandit that the deputy was following, and the series of messages between their benefactor on this job and the person they are now tasked with finding.
They ride into a very isolated and strange frontier town, seeking more leads on the whereabouts of the missing deputy.
Through their investigation, the ultimate twist is revealed.
…
Characters
Benjamin B. Benson
- Rougher character
- Experienced outdoorsman and tracker
Calvin C. Coleridge
- More intellectual type
- Affable and deals well with people
Plot Beats
1) Night Before
- Bivouac outdoors before approaching the town.
- Introduce the main characters and hint at their plans ahead.
2) Morning
- Characters enter the town. Each pursue their own avenues.
- Either a scene for both, or stick with Coleridge and leave Benedict offscreen.
- Coleridge braces the telegraph operator for the circumstances surrounding the unusual messages and who really sent/received them.
3) Afternoon
- The characters meet up in the saloon and plan what to do next.
- Benedict tells of his meeting with the local sheriff. No luck as far as the deputy goes; but he did learn a thing or two about the outlaw which the two characters can discuss.
4) Evening
- ???
Misc.
SCP-████
1: …
