Employee of the Month
rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-A is to be kept in Containment Locker 23. SCP-XXXX-B are to be kept in Standard Living Quarters whilst retaining access to their job. However, they are required to have a member of security staff monitor them at all times, to minimize access to job applications.

Description: SCP-XXXX-A is a standard clipboard that, when any sapient life makes contact with it, that being becomes an instance of SCP-XXXX-B that exhibits three job-related anomalous properties.

1) Any job application written by an instance of SCP-XXXX-B will be accepted, regardless of quality of writing, or writing utensil. (see SCP-XXXX-B-2)

2) Instances of SCP-XXXX-B will invariably achieve more than all other employees, such that the instance receives the title of "Employee of the Month".

3) Instances of SCP-XXXX-B cannot be fired, and can only quit on their own accord.

When employers of instances of SCP-XXXX-B are questioned regarding the instance, they will reply with a variety of answers to the effect of,"They are such a valuable asset to our company," spoken in a deep male voice, similar to that of a sports announcer.

List of known instances of SCP-XXXX-B:

SCP-XXXX-B-1: A 20 year old male, who is currently, assumed indefinitely, employed as a barista at Starbucks. Was willing transferred to an off-site Starbucks near Site-99 for convenient surveillance by the Foundation.

SCP-XXXX-B-2: A five year old male, who is currently employed as an astronaut for NASA. The child managed to acquire and scribble on a job application with a pack of Crayola crayons while visiting the office of their mother, who worked at mission control. The child and their parents have been relocated to the Foundation space station for the safety of SCP-XXXX-B-2.

SCP-XXXX-B-3: A female golden retreiver, current former president of Venezuela. How the dog managed to apply for the job is unknown. Unfortunately assassinated after half a term.

SCP-XXXX-B-4: Senior Researcher Cal Whiteley of Site-99. SCP-XXXX was discovered after it was realized that Dr. Cal Whiteley, is not, in fact, qualified to be a researcher for the Foundation.

SCP-XXXX-B-5: A dyslexic C-class personnel at Site-99 who accessed Containment Locker 23 rather than 32.

SCP-XXXX-B-6 and -7: Agents Gale Whimselhoff and Pepper P. Harvey respectively. Given permission by Site-99 Director Olaf Wilhelm to use SCP-XXXX-A to infiltrate the organization [DATA EXPUNGED].