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The Things Lollipop Is Not Allowed To Do At The Circus Of The Disquieting

Please note: This list is not a joke. Each entry is something Lollipop either did, attempted to do, or at the very least expressed an interest in doing.
  1. Attempt to break her record of drinking 5 7 8 pints of Clown's Milk in one sitting.
  2. Attempt to break her record of producing 3 1/2 5 1/2 6 1/2 pints of Clown's Milk in one sitting.
  3. Call a Circus wide emergency conference to decide whether Quincy's butterflies pollinating Yume's flowers counts as sex.
  4. Debate customers on the validity of the Fifthist Church's teachings.
  5. Stretch Meaty the Meat Worm into a Mobius strip.
  6. Attempt to guess Manny's actual name.
  7. Change the gravity in the bounce house from 'Moon' to 'Sun'.
  8. Order any Wondertainment product that is living, explosive, radioactive, poisonous, autonomous, expensive or requires adult supervision without Icky's permission.
  9. Create anatomically correct, animate balloon animals. (not even for educational purposes)
  10. Challenge Motormouth to a pie eating contest.
  11. Crawl inside Motormouth's stomach while he's sleeping in order to retrieve said pies.
  12. Ask the Amazing Zoltan if he knows why kids love the great taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, how many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop, etc.
  13. Consult the Amazing Zoltan on anything other than Alchemy.
  14. Cite the Scarlet King mythos as a 'patriarchal yet functional' example of polyamory.
  15. Attempt to harvest silk from Library Pages.
  16. Attempt to hack the SCP database to change every 'good freak's' special containment procedures to "set them free you assholes".
  17. Claim she is the first openly LGBT individual to literally ride a rainbow. (It's part of the midway. I've ridden it, and I'm sure lots of other LGBT+s have too)
  18. Incorporate Miles the Bonecat into her Pussy Lovers routine. (the boner pun was hilarious though)
  19. Re-purpose Dicksy's old reprogenetic equipment into a DIY bio-lab. (It doesn't matter how easy Professor Abnormal made it look, self-replicating cotton candy is a disaster waiting to happen)
  20. Arrange play-dates for Ragamuffin with other possessed dolls.
  21. Ask Ed & Al if they stock Tartarean Brimstone. (I do not want Ragamuffin summoning play-dates for herself either)
  22. Place Eliza inside of a custom made hamster ball.
  23. Ask any of our Sur-prizers to create extropic bouncy balls. We're lucky that thing bounced off into space before it killed anyone.
  24. Ask any of our Carnival Confectionarians to create extropic jumping jelly beans. Please see above.
  25. Ride the Ferris Wheel on top of, outside of, or underneath the cars. (I know she's not in any danger, but it sets a bad example for the younger guests)
  26. Use Cotton Candy and Calliope music recreationally during work hours.
  27. Ride the go-carts while under the influence of the above.
  28. Introduce wooden ponies from the Carousel to real ponies from the Petting Zoo. The experience is existentially horrifying for both of them.
  29. Utter the phrase 'Circus Time Procedures' within earshot of Eugene.
  30. Tell the children of guests that running away from home can turn out great.
  31. Claim that her self-appointed position as the Circus's Princess entitles her to an adult-sized play castle. (In all fairness this turned out be a great attraction for the midway, but it still isn't hers)
  32. Complain to The Masked Lords, The Ambassador, The Hanged King or that guy selling olive oil that Alagadda isn't colourful enough.
  33. Attempt to weaponize Waldorf's old cannon as a defense against Essie P raids.
  34. Ask the Shark Punching Center if they've ever fought a Sharknado.
  35. Ride her unicyle at supersonic speeds.
  36. Commission Anderson Robotics to create "Five Nights at Freddy's" knock off animatronics.
  37. Attempt to spay and/or neuter any of the attractions in the Menagerie of Mayhem.
  38. Claim that napping during work hours are 'business calls to the Oneiroi Collective'. (I don't care if she actually is talking with it, there's no reason she can't do it at night)
  39. Make any sort of marking on an Inkling note.
  40. Use the Kaleidoscope to harvest helium from Jupiter. (Yes, I know it's a dwindling resource. Let Elon Musk expose his ass to that much radiation to get it)
  41. Ask any members of the Cogwork Orthodoxy how the constant ticking doesn't drive them insane.
  42. Conduct 'sensitivity workshops'. (I know she meant well, but it ended up being far more offensive than the inciting incident)
  43. Ask Gary to help her make crank calls to any reality's President Trump, President Clinton, President Sanders, President Ryan, President-for-life Obama, you know what, just revoke her use of Gary's phone box altogether.
  44. Take Victor any VIP guest on a tour of the Funhouse without any accompanying children.
  45. Order a second Obama Llama to see if they'll bite each other's testicles off.
  46. Direct guests looking for the restrooms to the Milking tent.
  47. Let Quincy anyone drive our Porsche!
  48. Let any of Ripley's sea-monsters out of the Fun-house because 'they needed some fresh-air'.
  49. Offer Clown's Milk to non-clowns she doesn't like as a covert attempt at assassination.
  50. Secretly administer Antabuse any medication to Bubblegum anyone.
  51. Tell Nixie that she is not allowed in her tank within an hour after eating.
  52. Attempt to locate the City of Adytum on Google Maps.
  53. Play 'Bloody Mary' with Pepper's mirror.
  54. Hide all the Clown Impulse Suppressant because 'Clowns are supposed to be impulsive'.
  55. Troll GAW chat rooms by claiming to be a gamer unironically opposed to marijuana.
  56. Bring a 'dune worm' through the Kaleidoscope.
  57. Ask Sandstorm to make a giant desert terrarium for said dune worm.
  58. Call Iris Dark for tech support.
  59. Call Percival Darke for tech support. (He doesn't have a phone, I don't know how she actually did this)
  60. Upload nightcore remixes of Virtuoso's arias on Youtube.


FOR ALL WHO CARE: The Wonder World stuff is now here.
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