cptnubz
rating: 0+x
Item #: SCP-XXXX Level 3/XXXX
Object Class: Safe Classified

bath_sign_ver1.jpg

SCP-XXXX-1 installed at The ██████ █████ Pub.

Special Containment Procedures: All eighty-six instances of SCP-XXXX are to be kept in Mass Storage Site-335, Low-Security Warehouse 6. Any testing of SCP-XXXX must be authorized by MTF Iota-6301 (“Designated Drivers”) leadership. Foundation employees working within Warehouse 6 should be issued a bi-weekly memo detailing Foundation Code of Conduct 56: “Alcohol consumption and/or inebriation is not permissible in the workplace.”

Description: SCP-XXXX is a collection of eighty-six public bathroom signs. Forty-three are labeled “Ladies/Dames” (SCP-XXXX-1 through SCP-XXXX-43) and forty-three are labeled “Gents/Hommes” (SCP-XXXX-44 through SCP-XXXX-86).

When an instance of SCP-XXXX is placed on a bathroom door in any establishment primarily serving alcoholic beverages (hereafter referred to as a bar), the anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX will manifest. After urination, any individual with a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) at or above 0.030% who passes through SCP-XXXX’s associated door will be instantly transported to another, non-anomalous, bar’s bathroom. Research indicates the distance between the two bars is a function of the individual’s BAC.

Recovery Log: The first known activation of SCP-XXXX was in ██████, Quebec, Canada on March 17, 2009. Numerous patrons of The ██████ █████ Pub were reported missing on March 18 after they failed to return to their homes. They were subsequently found at or near numerous bars within the province.

Soon after, the Foundation initiated a full scale investigation. The purchase of the two SCP-XXXX instances recovered from The ██████ █████ Pub was traced to an online classified advertisement posted on February 3, 2009, transcribed below.

Limited Edition Pub Crawl Brand Restroom Signage.
$180.00 | ██████, Quebec | Private seller

I've been a chronic alcoholic my entire adult life, so believe me when I say the best method of getting blackout drunk is through the time honored tradition of a pub crawl.

Taxis and public transit are a great way to get from pub to pub, but only up until they've banned you for life on account of your alcohol-induced behavior. My patent-pending Limited Edition Pub Crawl Brand Restroom Signage offers an alternative non-euclidean method of pub crawling.

See you out there, my fellow drunks.

Available while supplies last.

Posted on February 3, 2009 by Couture_86

The advertisement poster's IP address was traced to a residential building in ██████, Quebec. Foundation agents raided the building and secured eighty-four instances of SCP-XXXX. One individual, █████ Couture, self-terminated during the raid. A recovered document entitled “Diary” indicated █████ Couture intended to saturate the market with SCP-XXXX instances in order to promote drinking culture, but grossly overestimated the demand for anomalous bathroom signs. The ██████ █████ Pub is his only known customer.

Addendum XXXX.1: Project 651-Methe

INTENSIVE EXPERIMENTAL STATISTICAL STUDY

PROJECT 651-METHE

Terminated as of April 28, 2011 per Ethics Committee Ruling

Overview: Project 651-Methe’s goal is to characterize and define the relationship between BAC and displacement distance, as well as to identify potential strategic and tactical applications of SCP-XXXX. The primary method of data collection is Procedure A-651-Methe conducted by MTF Beta-55 (“Day Drinkers”) personnel.

[Edited 04/23/2011]

Going forwards, Procedure A-651-Methe will be replaced by Procedure B-651-Methe in order to collect more meaningful data.

[Edited 04/28/2011]

Project terminated.

Secure, Contain, Protect
Lead Researcher, Doctor Vera Kedrov

Addendum XXXX.2: SCP-XXXX Incidents