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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell. It requires no food, but has requested access to copies of lawbooks from various nations, as well as literature and television related to legal proceedings (fictional or otherwise). These may be granted or denied as a means to encourage good behavior on the part of SCP-XXXX.

If SCP-XXXX requests access to other SCP objects, it is to be reminded that it need to fill form 248-b (request for cross-testing of SCP objects) and, that as a SCP object itself, it cannot access said forms nor have others fill out said on its behalf, according to 12.5.2(c) of the Foundation's operational charter regarding sapient SCP objects.

Requests for cross-testing involving SCP-XXXX are preemptively denied.

Utilizing SCP-XXXX as a defense attorney to represent the Foundation in the event of legal cases is currently under review by the Ethics Committee, Foundation Legal Department, and Foundation Personnel Management.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a human male of indeterminate age dressed in business attire and carrying a briefcase. On the nape of its neck is a tattoo that reads "Mr. Hypercompetent Plaintiff's Attorney".

SCP-XXXX will completely memorize the contents of any books containing laws or legal proceedings within an hour of exposure, regardless of the size or complexity of said laws or legal proceedings.

SCP-XXXX is capable of retrieving any document of a legal nature requested of it through its briefcase, or any document that will help it win a court case. Documents produced in this manner are genuine, and may take the form of receipts, conversation transcripts, personal letters, spreadsheets, or any other information that may be transcribed onto paper. No document produced in this manner contains false information, though they may be copies of documents that have been lost, destroyed, or where only a single copy exists.

Tests using mock trials invariably results in the best possible outcome for either SCP-XXXX or those it represents, controlling for judge bias and how solid of a case it is facing.

Addendum XXXX:

Upon recovery, SCP-XXXX produced the following document, in addition to requesting to meet legal representatives of the various Misters associated with Gamers Against Weed currently in Foundation custody.

Wow! You've just found yourself your very own Legal Mister, a limited edition collection from Dr. Wondertainment, specially designed to be playmates with your Mister Gamers Against Weed collection!

Find them all and see what happens to intellectual property violators!

01. Mr. Legal Process Server
02. Mr. Biased Judge
03. Mr. Hypercompetent Plaintiff's Attorney ✔
04. Mr. Incompetent Defendant's Attorney
05. Mr. and Ms. Kangaroo Jurors (pack of 12)
06. Mr. Appeal Refusal Judge
07. Mr. Sadistic Prison Warden
08. Mr. Abusive Prison Guard
09. Mr. Executioner (with malfunctioning lethal injection chair!)
10. Mr. Undertaker (part of the crematorium playset)
11. Mr. Dog With Full Bladder Seeking the Nearest Urn Containing the Ashes of Copyright Violators in Which to Relieve Himself for All Eternity (comes in 21 different breeds!)


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Item #: SCP-2207

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2207 is to be contained in a small cardboard box filled with foam, within a standard safe-class storage locker when not used for testing. All testing with SCP-2207 is to be done in containment laboratory 8803. After testing, containment laboratory 8803 is to be decontaminated and checked for damage.

As of test 42, exploration by D-class and/or Foundation personnel beyond SCP-2207-1 instances are preemptively denied.

As of Incident 2207-01, all tests involving SCP-2207 are to be suspended.

Description: SCP-2207 is a ████ brand disposable plastic knife. Testing has indicated that, outside of SCP-2207's anomalous properties, it is identical to other non-anomalous disposable plastic knives.

When the cutting edge of SCP-2207 reaches a minimum speed of 6 m/s4, it severs local space-time, creating a rift that connects to a random alternate universe. These rifts are designated as SCP-2207-1.

Instances of SCP-2207-1 typically last approximately five minutes without outside intervention, and the length is equal to the distance that SCP-2207 traveled at or above 6m/s. Instances remain stationary after creation, but may be widened by pulling along the edges. Instances may be kept artificially open for a maximum of 24 hours by placing any material across the instance's threshold. After 24 hours, the SCP-2207-1 instance closes, severing any material crossing the threshold.

Exploration Log: The following is a partial, abridged exploration log. See Document 2207-24 for a full log of tests, explorations, and recovered material from SCP-2207-1 instances. In all tests, a mechanical arm was used to create SCP-2207-1 instances, and the SCP-2207-1 instance was propped open by a set of metal braces.

Incident 2207-01: On 2011-10-06, the following letter was found addressed to Site-██'s administration:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
IT HAS COME TO THE ATTENTION OF ████████ THAT MULTIPLE RECENT YGGDRASIL-SEVERANCE EVENTS ARE TIED TO ACTIONS PERFORMED BY YOUR ORGANIZATION, The SCP Foundation. AS UNIVERSE 8d57-fE2ξ-D (THE UNIVERSE YOUR ORGANIZATION INHABITS) HAS DISPLAYED LIMITED MULTIVERSAL TRAVEL CAPABILITY PRIOR TO THESE INCIDENTS, IT IS BELIEVED THAT THE ACTIONS PERFORMED BY YOUR ORGANIZATION ARE BOTH WITHOUT MALICE OR FULL KNOWLEDGE OF THE RESULTING REPERCUSSIONS.
THIS CORRESPONDENCE IS THEREFORE CONSIDERED TO BE A LAWFUL CEASE-AND-DESIST ORDER BY ████████. FURTHER ACTIONS ON YOUR ORGANIZATION'S PART THAT CONTRIBUTE TO A YGGDRASIL-SEVERANCE EVENT WILL RESULT IN ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING:

  • OFFICIAL CENSURE OF UNIVERSE 8d57-fE2ξ-D AND ITS INHABITANTS
  • FINES UPWARDS OF Φ87,000,000.00 PER YGGDRASIL-SEVERANCE EVENT
  • MINIMUM IMPRISONMENT OF THREE THOUSAND (3,000) STELLAR CYCLES PER YGGDRASIL-SEVERANCE EVENT
  • INTERVENTION BY ████████ ARMED FORCES
  • FORCED YGGDRASIL-SEVERENCE EVENT OF UNIVERSE 8d57-fE2ξ-D

FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, ATTACHED IS A LIST OF DATES AND TIMES WHEN YGGDRASIL-SEVERENCE EVENTS HAVE BEEN DETECTED. PLEASE BE SURE TO REFER TO THE LIST SO THAT YOU MAY COMPLY WITH THIS LAWFUL ORDER.
WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.
SIGNED,
Sigma-Xotoxin, OFFICE OF MULTIVERSAL INCIDENTS.

After receiving the letter, all testing was halted in response. As of 2015-08-03, there has been no further correspondence from the entity Sigma-Xotoxin or ████████.