SCP Drafts - Current

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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid Keter (see Addendum-XXXX-3)

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the size and location of SCP-XXXX, containment is impossible at this time. Containment is to focus on preventing public knowledge of SCP-XXXX. Plumes emitted by SCP-XXXX are to be dismissed as natural phenomena caused by tidal forces between Europa and Jupiter.

SCPS Amundsen is currently orbiting Europa with the intent of tracking the current location of SCP-XXXX. All data collected by the Amundsen is to be sent to Site-37. Any non-Foundation missions to Europa, current or planned, are to be closely monitored by Foundation agents embedded in all major government and private space agencies. Any data which could potentially reveal the existence of SCP-XXXX is to be expunged.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an extraterrestrial organism of immense size located in the interior ocean of Europa.

The exact physical anatomy of SCP-XXXX is not fully understood at this time as it has not been directly observed, but from ice-penetrating radar observations conducted by the Amundsen, it is thought to be partially cetacean in nature, with an approximate length of 80km and a maximum diameter of approximately 20km.

SCP-XXXX releases plumes of water from cracks in Europa's ice at intervals of one to two weeks, which boils away into water vapour upon contact with the vacuum of space. Remote analysis of these plumes has detected several organic compounds, some of which are only produced as a waste product of biological processes. Given the size of SCP-XXXX, it is unknown how it gains sustenance, if it requires any.

SCP-XXXX was discovered in 2012 when its plumes were detected by the Hubble Space Telescope. Initial readings determined the plumes were a natural phenomenon caused by tidal forces between Europa and Jupiter, however, further spectral analysis of the plumes by Foundation assets confirmed the presence of complex organic waste compounds, prompting the Foundation to construct the SCPS Amundsen to further investigate the anomaly using ice-penetrating radar. A 2022 launch was successful, with the probe arriving three years later.


SCP Drafts - Successful

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Item #: SCP-1426

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1426-1 to -9 are assigned a keypad-combination storage locker at Reliquary Research and Containment Site-76. Any personnel wishing to use SCP-1426 for testing purposes must have prior written permission from two (2) level three (3) personnel, plus testing approval from the Site Director.

SCP-1426 bits are to be sterilised thoroughly before use, to prevent contamination of extracted samples. SCP-1426 bits are only to be tested on sterilised concrete breeze blocks, to reduce wear on the bits.

Samples extracted are to be sealed in sterile, airtight boxes and stored in the glovebox in Research Lab-16 for study.

Description: SCP-1426-1 to -9 are ██████ Electrical brand 52x150mm diamond-tipped core drill bits. When SCP-1426 bits are used to core a substance, the cylinder of material extracted is not the original material drilled. Instead, the sample will be an equal volume from a solid body in the Solar System. The body that the sample is extracted from is entirely dependent on the colour of the bit used. Occasionally, samples retrieved by SCP-1426 bits will show properties not present on some of the bodies that said samples are cored from (see Addendum-1426-1). The name of the body that the sample is taken from is etched into the side of all the bits. There is a very small chance (0.35%) that no sample will be retrieved. Instead, a rolled up piece of paper will be present inside the bit after drilling is complete. The contents of these pieces of paper vary with the drill bit used, but will always be a handwritten copy of part of their respective movements in Gustav Holst's symphony The Planets. If the body is a moon, the movement will be of the planet they orbit. If the body has no movement, then the paper will show a non-existent movement, written to fit with the last existing movement of The Planets (Neptune).

Samples retrieved via SCP-1426 will maintain the temperature of the body they were cored from. In one test, SCP-1426-2 was used to drill a breeze block, and the sample retrieved was consistent with available data concerning the average surface temperature of Venus. SCP-1426 bits and the drill that they are being used with are not damaged by the properties of the sample they extract, but will wear down like ordinary core drill bits.

SCP-1426 was discovered in the town of A██████, England, when builder █████ A█████ suffered 3rd degree burns to his left hand after attempting to remove a portion of a brick wall he had just drilled with SCP-1426-2. A routine Foundation sweep picked up the report and SCP-1426 was retrieved and transported to Reliquary Research and Containment Site-76. All other core drill bits examined at the local ██████ Electrical store showed no anomalous properties. Mr. A█████ and all witnesses were given Class-B amnesiacs and released.

Addendum-1426-1: Current instances of SCP-1426.
Colour of bit Body sample extracted from Notes Designation
Grey Mercury Temperature of sample depends on the temperature at Caloris Basin. There is a 12% chance that feathers will be present in the sample. SCP-1426-1
Orange Venus Sample temperature is always between 462-470°C. Occasionally, the sample extracted will be molten lava, suggesting volcanic activity. SCP-1426-2
Light Blue Moon Composition of sample is identical to that of Mare Crisium. There is a 15% chance that the sample extracted will be a light shade of blue and will smell like cheddar. SCP-1426-3
Red Mars There is a 5% chance that samples extracted contain very high concentrations of water ice. SCP-1426-4
Beige Io Samples extracted are radioactive. There is a 85% chance that molten sulphur will be retrieved. SCP-1426-5
Brown Titan There is a 75% chance that liquid ethane will be extracted. Additionally, there is a 0.65% chance that salt water will be retrieved. SCP-1426-6
Green Miranda None. SCP-1426-7
Dark Blue Triton There is a 25% chance that liquid nitrogen will be extracted. SCP-1426-8
Pink Cycles every 6 months between Pluto, Eris, Makemake and Quaoar. No matter what dwarf planet samples are cored from, there is a 15% chance that the sample will contain very high concentrations of rhodium. SCP-1426-9

My personnel file

Name: Dr. Joseph Levy

Nationality: Irish

Security Clearance: Level 420

Current Assignment: Site Director of Site-69 Site-37.

Profile: Dr. Levy is a liddle midget 5 foot 7 inches and weighs fat fatty fat fat ██ kg. He has demonic red eyes that just want to kill you to death dark brown eyes and he's baldy bald has ginger hair. He smells like porkchops.

Psychological analysis has shown that Dr. Levy has a moderate case of OCD. For this reason no personnel are to tamper with the arrangement of his office or you will face his retard strength.

Dr. Levy is very fat indeed has a slender build and is generally in good health, but has a tendency to overeat when stressed, so his caloric intake should be monitored by on-site medical staff. He still has acne because he's a fucking weeb.

Dr. Levy is also an avid gamer even though he fucking sucks, however, his access to video games is to be limited to free time only to maximise his productivity. And a good thing too, his salt-induced rages in Overwatch could be classified as a Keter-class SCP.

Note from Dr. Levy: I don't know who keeps on editing my page, especially as it's locked, but once I find them I'm putting them on Keter duty for the rest of the fucking year.

Note from ur mom lol: Lol fite me bitch.