I Don't Get It
rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-XXXX-1 is to be confined to a soundproofed 5 m x 5 m x 5m cell under video surveillance without audio feed. The cell is equipped with a bed, chair and desk suitable for an average adult human. SCP-XXXX-1 may be provided with audio-visual media and games provided they are of a non-comical nature, but must not be provided with any item suitable for written communication. Sustenance is provided via a soundproof airlock system, using a small remotely activated vehicle. Once a month, one (1) D-class personnel will be introduced into the cell with the stated aim of gathering research data on the current SCP-XXXX-1. Twenty minutes after sealing, the cell is to be flooded with anaesthetic gas. The remains of the old instance SCP-XXXX-1 should be removed and incinerated. The new instance of SCP-XXXX-1 should be retained in the cell under the conditions described above for one (1) calendar month. Switchover procedure should be accelerated if SCP-XXXX-1 displays behaviour indicating psychological instability. SCP-XXXX-1 must under no circumstances be terminated.

Partial recordings or transcripts of SCP-XXXX may be taken for research purposes only and destroyed by incineration immediately after use. Full recordings and trasncriptions must not be taken.

Web searchbot Delta-XXXX (“Accountant”) continually scans the web for instances of SCP-XXXX text fractions and will alert the responsible technician to instances immediately, including IP address from which the post originates where available. A team of three (3) level-2 technical personnel will monitor output of Delta-XXXX in three (3) hour shifts on constant rotation, reporting any alerts to Mobile Task Force Eta-10 (“See No Evil”) for containment and clean-up.

Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]

SCP-XXXX is a pun-based joke in an anecdotal format. The precise wording of SCP-XXXX may not be recorded due to the memetic nature of the hazard.

The anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX are revealed upon audible communication of the entire anecdote to another human subject. On hearing the anecdote, subjects will initially fail to acknowledge any humour, and will state out loud that they “Don’t get it.” Following this, subjects experience a dormancy period, determined to be approximately 48 hours from the time SCP-XXXX was transferred. Subject is now an instance of SCP-XXXX-1. Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are unaware of SCP-XXXX and will behave normally until the conditions listed below are met.

Note – Further experimentation demonstrates that the dormancy period can be superseded by inducing mirth in the subject. – Dr Nix

Following the dormancy period, SCP-XXXX-1 experiences a strong compulsion to repeat the joke to further subjects in order to analyse the content.

Upon verbal repetition of SCP-XXXX to a suitable subject, instances of SCP-XXXX-1 exhibit sudden comprehension of the joke and begin to laugh as they complete the latter part, often to the extent of difficulties articulating the last few lines. Upon finishing the punchline, the subject collapses into hysterical laughter before collapsing and expiring. Facial scanning demonstrates that subjects going through this phase experience extreme pain and manic euphoria due to hypoxia and rapidly increasing intracranial pressure, often attempting to [REDACTED] during the episode. Cause of death is consistently shown to be spontaneous aneurism in the hippocampus and amygdala. The newly infected instance(s) of SCP-XXXX-1 display(s) normal and appropriate psychological responses to witnessing a sudden death.

Note – Further research with D-Class personnel displaying sociopathic tendencies may further illuminate whether the psychological stress of witnessing a sudden death is the cause of the dormancy period. Such research is unnecessary at this time due to efficacy of current containment procedures. – Dr Imera

SCP-XXXX has demonstrated a complete resistance to all known amnestics. See Addenda XXXX-A and XXXX-B, and Experiment Logs EL-XXXX-1 to EL-XXXX-3 for further details.

Retrieval Log:

The Foundation was made aware of SCP-XXXX when agents undercover in regional law enforcement in █████████, ██ reported suspicious circumstances surrounding the death of several students on █████████ University campus. Police records suggest the initial instance of SCP-XXXX-1 (deemed SCP-XXXX-1a) reported waking after falling unconscious during a meeting of students in a dormitory room the previous evening to find all other students in the room deceased. SCP-XXXX-1a contacted local law enforcement, and co-operated fully with the investigation, displaying distress at the death of his associates. The Foundation deemed the incident not in need of further investigation at that time.

SCP-XXXX-1a was detained by police for further questioning given the suspicious nature of the deaths, and held in an interview room under video surveillance. A security guard, subsequently identified as SCP-XXXX-1b raised the alarm after delivering a cup of coffee, stating that SCP-XXXX-1a had collapsed, and appeared to be undergoing a stroke or heart attack. Medical intervention was unable to prevent the expiry of SCP-XXXX-1a. Undercover agents once again alerted The Foundation as to the suspicious nature of the death.

Security footage from the room showed a brief conversation between the guard and SCP-XXXX-1a. It appears that SCP-XXXX-1b made a lighthearted comment to SCP-XXXX-1a in order to brighten the spirits of what he perceived to be a young man in distress; meeting the mirth criteria, and triggering the transmittance of SCP-XXXX before the 48 hour dormant period had elapsed. At the time, this precise cause of the incident was unknown; SCP-XXXX-1b was detained for questioning by The Foundation. Working theory amongst law enforcement is that contaminated recreational drugs are responsible for the deaths.

Partial Interview Log

<Begin Log, 17:43>
Researcher █████: So, tell me in your own words what happened, please.

SCP-XXXX-1b: I already told those other guys, son. I don’t know what happened in there. Kid’s scared shitless, he’s clearly got no idea what happened either. Maybe goin’ down 25 to life for multiple homicide – and we see criminals come through there all the time, y’know? He ain’t got no idea. Any decent human bein’…

Anyway. I got him a coffee. Talked to him a couple of minutes, figured he could use someone to talk to friendly, like. He’s a mess, sayin’ they always said he was a loser and couldn’t keep up – I guess he’s a lightweight or somethin’, they talk a lotta shit to him. Kept goin’ on about the laughter. I said to him, you see what that shit does to you, it messes you up. This is when being a lightweight is a good thing. He smiles a bit at that and he perks up and says he felt so dumb that he doesn’t even get what they were laughin’ at. Asks me if I get their dumb joke. Then he’s tellin’ me and it just – bang – hits him after all. He’s laughin’ but by that time, he’s goin’ down, so he’s strugglin’ to breathe and gaspin’ and clawin’ at his throat and his scalp and I don’t know what. Laughin’ the whole time. And you can bet I just run outta there to find someone, but by then he’s on the floor and by the time they arrive he’s gone. Just gone. I don’t know anything else.

Stupid really. It wasn’t even that funny.

Researcher █████: You did the right thing calling for help. There was nothing you could have done. And it sounds like at least he died happy.

SCP-XXXX-1b: Heh. You got that right. He’s not the first fucked up kid to go down like that. Guess there’s worse ways for ‘em to go. Just wish I coulda asked him what was so funny…

I mean, you’ll get this. You’re smart. So there’s these two broke guys, who [Data Expunged]

Closing Statement: CP-XXXX-1b proceeded to initiate SCP-XXXX transfer and expired in typical fashion. Researcher █████ called for medical assistance, but SCP-XXXX-1b was unable to be stabilised or resuscitated. Researcher █████ and Research Assistant ████████, who was monitoring the interview via video feed, submitted themselves voluntarily for containment on suspicion of an auditory cognitohazard. Both were administered class A amnestics for security purposes and contained in isolation under surveillance for the standard three-day observation period.

<End Log, 17:53>

On the evening of the second day, Research Assistant ████████ initiated transfer of SCP-XXXX to the D-class personnel enlisted to provide evening rations to each of the cells. At this time, both cells were remotely sealed to prevent further spread of the cognitohazard. Research Assistant ████████ expired in containment. The D-class personnel was terminated remotely, Researcher █████ was designated SCP-XXXX-1c, and containment procedures were put in place.