Item #: SCP-ALRM
Object Class: Safe Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-ALRM must be monitored at all times and kept loaded with ticker-tape to ensure maximum notice of an ALRM-A event; within ten minutes of such an event, Foundation agents must be present at Zone ALRM. If this fails, at least two MTFs are to be dispatched to Zone ALRM immediately, and both the Leicestershire Police and the Ministry of Defence notified in case further reinforcements are required.
Description: SCP-ALRM is a modified fire alarm bell, currently located in an observation chamber at Site 18. Attached to the device is a ticker-tape machine; both the bell and the tape machine are labelled as being produced in 1927.
An ALRM-A event occurs when either a potential threat to human lives or an anomalous object/phenomenon (or both) are detected within 120m of the main entrance to Kibworth Harcourt Primary School, in Leicestershire, UK (hereafter referred to as Zone ALRM). The bell rings at 75 decibelles at a distance of 5m, and continues until the hazard has been contained or is no longer relevant; ticker tape is dispensed summarising the threat.
The following is a series of excerpts from the official incident log; see LOG-ALRM-INCD for full details.
Incident-01
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: CONFLAGRATION INVOLVING MULTIPLE HUMAN DWELLINGS
Notes: Faulty wiring in the electrical system resulted in a small fire, destroying the cardboard castles made by Form 3b. No further damage discovered.
Incident-02
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: MOTOR VEHICLE COLLISION VICTIM COUNT 32
Notes: While reversing, the school bus collided with the headmaster's car, a Honda Civic. One child suffered concussion; the car's rear bumper was dented noticeably.
Incident-03
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: ANOMALY DETECTED IMMOVABLE OBJECT
Notes: Lid of jam jar stuck and unable to be removed. While field tests seemed to corroborate SCP-ALRM’s summary, further analysis at Site-18 succeeded in removing the lid by applying warm water and a dishcloth.
No actual proof of threat to human life or anomalous objects was obtained throughout Incidents 01 through 08; response to ALRM-A events was set at priority LOW.
Incident-09
Time: 13:45
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: ANOMALY MULTIPLE UNIDENTIFIED CANIDS IN ZONE
Notes: No deployment of Foundation assets.
Time: 13:55
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: CANIDS LAUNCHING UNPROVOKED ASSAULT ON HUMANS
Notes: No deployment of Foundation assets.
Time: 13:56
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: MULTIPLE CASUALTIES IN CANID ATTACK
Notes: No deployment of Foundation assets.
Time: 13:57
SCP-ALRM Threat Summary: 5+ DEAD HUMANS AS RESULT OF CANID ATTACK
Notes: Official sources in the Kibworth Harcourt area confirmed the summary; deployment of Foundation assets, and arrival at 14:10. Unidentified canids were discovered and subdued; civilian casualties numbered 7 dead and 9 injured. Canid specimens (both alive and deceased) were returned to Site-18 for examination; the field report describes them as 120kg specimens and mottled-grey in colouration, but on arrival at Site-18 they were immediately identified as two dead Yorkshire Terriers and one sedated Cocker Spaniel.
After Incident-09, response to ALRM-A event was set at priority URGENT, and current containment procedures enacted.
Item #: SCP-SELK
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-SELK is housed in a Biological Storage locker in a tank of seawater. It should be checked biannually for damage or wear. SCP-SELK is not to be handled or worn without express written authorisation from a designated Project leader.
SCP-SELK-A is to be kept in cryogenic storage.
Description: SCP-SELK is a tanned hide of an Australian fur seal (Arctocephalus pusillus), measuring approximately 3 square metres in area. It has been crudely adapted into a cloak, and a fastener made out of a seal's tooth. Testing reveals that the tooth and hide are a genetic match.
When a live human subject fastens SCP-SELK around their neck, they are transformed into an Australian fur seal. They do not appear to retain their intelligence or personality. The subject's health begins to decline after approximately 30 minutes of transformation, and they invariably expire of unusually rapid organ failure within 4 hours. Immediately upon brain death, the subject's hide will begin to separate from their body, reverting to the form of a cloak within 20 minutes (including tooth-fastener). Live tests of SCP-SELK have shown that all tested subjects adopted the same seal form, identified by genetic analysis and a distinct marking also present on the cloak.
SCP-SELK-A (hereafter SELK-A) is the cryogenically preserved corpse of a humanoid being. SELK-A was a Caucasian male of Australian origin, 59 years old at time of acquirement, 1.78m in height and in good physical health throughout his internment. SELK-A was the original owner of SCP-SELK, and both were brought into Foundation custody at the same time. When SELK-A fastened SCP-SELK around his neck, he was able to fully retain his memories and intelligence, and suffered no ill effects from his form. While a seal, he displayed fewer inhibitions, being both more playful and more violent. He would transform back after six hours at the latest, informing researchers that any longer made him feel "itchy".
When questioned, SELK-A claimed to have been in possession of SCP-SELK as far back as he could remember, and confirmed that only his immediate family were aware of his anomalous nature. (None of his biological children displayed any obvious abnormalities, nor did they acquire SCP-SELKs of their own.) SELK-A required 500 ml of seawater (or else a solution of sea salt) daily at minimum, "to stop the body getting homesick". At least once a month, SELK-A would be allowed to utilise SCP-SELK in a pool, with additional fish introduced into the pool as a reward for cooperation and good behaviour. While SELK-A remained in Foundation care for several years, and in that time his human form aged, his seal form was not measurably affected by the time span.
In 1991, SELK-A suffered a cardiac arrest in human form, and could not be resuscitated. His body was immediately interred to cryogenic storage.
SCP-SELK and SELK-A were recovered in 1967, after the Foundation encountered official obstruction in its Australian operations; investigation traced the source of the new policy to direct orders from the Prime Minister, and the anomalous nature of SELK-A was discovered.
Consultation with allies in the Australian political and intelligence establishments resulted in an agreement to remove SELK-A from office and transfer him to the Foundation; a joint Australian-Foundation operation brought him into custody, restoring the working relationship between the Foundation and the Australian government. The public account of his disappearance held that he was presumed to have drowned during a morning swim; as the body was never found, an inquiry could not legally be held.
>SET AUTOREPLY
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Dr Jung
Public ID: 20090420
>SAVE
>CLOSE MAIL
>ACCESS NOTES
ERROR: Please specify the project!
>LIST PROJECTS LEAD JUNG2009
Title |
Rating |
Comments |
Created |
Freudian |
0 |
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26 Sep 2012 19:18 |
>ACCESS NOTES SPARKS_OF_CREATIVITY
This is the first thing I ever did for the site - I was talking in #site19 one night and it just unfolded, and suddenly everyone was telling me to A) get an account and B) post it. I hadn't done much in the way of creative writing before, and I was really bowled over by the positive feedback I got from people.
Looking back on it, it kind of shows (to me, at least) as a bit raw and showing that it was written in the space of 15 minutes, and I can't shake how similar the first bit is to the sperm whale in Hitchhiker's Guide. It certainly wasn't a conscious reference/plagiarism. But a wise man told me once that the author's opinion doesn't matter, the ratings matter!! Except when they don't.
>ACCESS NOTES SCP-970
I was doing the dishes and by the time I finished I'd got this pretty much mapped out in my head. I always use it to be smug at people in #site19 when they talk about "oh first SCPs always fail" and that's one of many reasons I'm probably not going to heaven.
The bit of this I love most - Experiment 03 - actually wasn't in the original article. I kept coming back to it every so often and thought ok there's something missing, experiment 01 is "ok what's the point of this", experiment 02 is "ok this is interesting, and what's now experiment 04 is "ok let's never speak of this again" - it needed an "ok this is all really fucking confusing and let's find out just how bad we can screw this up" in there if for no other reason than to have longer to build up to -04. But no it's the best part I love it.
I think this is probably the first part of my tendency towards comedy in SCPs - the Foundation's such a natural straight man (in the comedy sense, though lol that too), it's almost a shame not to give it a few custard pies to the face.
>ACCESS NOTES SCP-1441
Someone on the SA forums SCP thread linked a skymall catalogue and I saw a paper towel dispenser in there and was trying to figure out how it could be anomalous until I realised it was right there. Not much else to explain and I am really happy with it. My SCPs are my babies, my ugly ugly babies, and I get all mama bear with them. (I guess if they're bears that explains why they're ugly babies.)
This was the first even mildly controversial one I wrote (THAT DIDN'T LAST) - I don't think SCP-970 got a single downvote until it was at like, +100 or so? But fuck if I'd change it, like I said above I think you can have funny articles without them being -J, and I think this joke is great and if you don't like it you're a bad person and you should sit down and reflect on where you went wrong in life.
>ACCESS SCP-2872
NEW TO SATURDAY MORNINGS: IT'S SPACE HORSE
space hoooorse he's up in space
space hoooooorse his relativistic speeds will cause significant problems for the human race
space horse he'll go fast, he'll never come in last
space horse knows the problems he must face but
space horse he will win the race
SPACE HORSE!
I decided to click random article on Wikipedia until I found SCP fuel, and the third one or so was a racehorse, and this thing came out of it. I really genuinely felt attached to the space horse while I was writing this and I kept writing "he" instead of "it" in the article and I left one in because I wanted to give just a little hint that even the cold inhumane Foundation has people who love this horse dearly - no anomalies, no memetocognitors, just affection for a good horse who runs so fast. May God save us all from his return.
Thank you kinchtheknifeblade for being a guiding light of inspiration for this SCP about a horse who just wants to show everyone he can win the Kentucky Derby.
>ACCESS SCP-2741
Well this one turned out to be controversial. It might actually be too soon to say if it should have been a -J right now - at the moment I'm just reflexively defensive of it. Give it a year or so and I might not froth at the mouth every time someone criticises my sweet SINISTER!! child. Yes it's all based around that one pun. It was another one that popped into my head basically fully-formed while I was doing the dishes. I blame October for it.
>LOG OUT
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Item #: SCP-2741
Object Class: Safe Neutralised
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2741 is to be stored in a standard containment locker. Though its anomalous properties are presumed to be no longer extant, any personnel interacting with SCP-2741 should avoid inserting their hands into the device unless explicitly instructed otherwise.
Description: SCP-2741 is a crude wooden box, 40cm in height and width and 1m long. On either side of the box are two holes, labelled LEFT and RIGHT respectively, with rubber gloves fixed to the box inside; wearing the gloves reveals a large button by the fingers on each side. The top of the box is dominated by a plastic skull; in the mouth of the skull is a speaker, and behind it is a slot for a AA battery and an on/off switch.
Experiment 2741-01
Subject: D-582
Procedure: D-582 was instructed to switch on SCP-2741. Upon activation, it began to speak:
SCP-2741: “A HA HA HA HA! ARE YOU READY TO GET… SINISTER??”
D-582: [expletive redacted]
SCP-2741: “DON THE GAUNTLETS, PRESS THE BUTTONS WHEN READY, AND THINGS WILL BECOME TRULY… SINISTER!!”
D-582 was instructed to place his hands inside SCP-2741 and press the buttons.
SCP-2741: “YES… YES!! MY TASK IS COMPLETE. YOU HAVE BECOME… SINISTER!!”
D-582 was instructed to remove his hands and switch off SCP-2741.
Results: Within six hours of interaction with SCP-2741, D-5482 reported the development of mild paresthesia in his right arm, and a sensation he identified as correspondingly pleasurable in his left arm. The symptoms dissipated within twelve hours, but motor skills testing revealed that D-582, formerly right-handed, had become left-handed.
Further experiments on right-handed D-class personnel confirmed the phenomenon.
Experiment 2741-06
Subject: D-831, left-handed.
Procedure: The experiment proceeded as above until D-831 placed his hands inside SCP-2741 and pressed the buttons.
SCP-2741: “MY WORD! YOU ARE ALREADY SO… SINISTER!!”
The experiment continued as before.
Results: D-831 reported no symptoms, and testing revealed no change to his handedness or motor skills.
Testing with other left-handed D-class personnel, including D-582, revealed no deviance from the formula above.
Experiment 2741-12
Subject: D-1452, ambidextrous.
Procedure: The experiment proceeded as above until D-1452 placed his hands inside SCP-2741 and pressed the buttons.
SCP-2741: “MY WORD- WORD- WORD- WORD- YES- YES- YES- Y- AAAAAA-”
SCP-2741 then screamed continuously for 26 seconds until struck forcefully by Dr J███, at which point it fell silent. D-1452 removed his hands from the device, and Dr J███ switched off the device.
Results: D-1452 reported mild paresthesia for the next sixteen hours, but testing revealed no change to his handedness or motor skills.
Following this experiment, SCP-2741 no longer spoke when activated, and its anomalous properties were no longer apparent.
Item #: SCP-2872
Object Class: Euclid Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SUPERCEDED: see Addendum 2872-1. SCP-2872 is kept at a private stable, where the resident staff care for it. SCP-2872 should receive a full physical examination from Foundation medical personnel once every six months, and should be kept in prime racing condition with the assistance of Foundation-approved jockeys.
SCP-2872 must win the Kentucky Derby at least once every five years.
SUPERCEDED: see Addendum 2872-2. SCP-2872 is to be kept in a zoological containment cell 50 metres beneath Site-12. The dimensions of this cell are calculated to deny SCP-2872 the possibility of acceleration. A medical examination will be carried out once every four weeks to ensure it does not adapt to its new containment procedures.
SCP-2872 is currently uncontained; astronomical departments and satellites are monitoring its path and calculating its final trajectory.
Description: SCP-2872 is a thoroughbred stallion of indeterminate origin and pedigree, with a height of 1.85m and a mass of 485 kilograms. It is an exceptionally skilled racehorse, with its record in the Kentucky Derby standing at 2:01. Under normal circumstances, its sole anomalous property is the fact that it does not noticeably age.
SCP-2872’s other anomalous property manifests five years after the last time it won the Kentucky Derby. Whereas its usual demeanour is compliant, at this time it will become restless, and run in large loops. Within two days of entering this phase, SCP-2872 will start to run continuously, accelerating until it is fast enough to demolish any fence or wall in its way. It is physically unharmed by any impact in this state.
Once SCP-2872 is unimpeded, it will reach a top velocity of approximately 320m/s [NOTE: this is inaccurate as of Addendum 2872-2], and will continue to run in discorectangular tracks across distances measuring hundreds of kilometres. The only known way to cause SCP-2872 to decelerate is to make it hear the words “Whoa, boy!”; this will cause it to come to a stop over a period of 50m, though the sound must be adjusted to take into account the Doppler effect before it will have the desired effect.
SCP-2872 came to the Foundation’s attention in 196█, shortly after that year’s Kentucky Derby, in which it is believed to have placed second. This is the first recorded instance of SCP-2872 manifesting its anomalous acceleration, and was responsible for $30 million in damages, including the destruction of a three-mile tract of I-24. After multiple attempts to restrain the as-yet unidentified anomaly, SCP-2872 was finally calmed by the intervention of a unknown African-American male in his late 50s, hypothesised to be the owner. He agreed to transfer custody of SCP-2872 to the Foundation, outlining the five-year principle for containment of the destructive effects, but left before he could be questioned further.
Attempts to house SCP-2872 with Foundation assets led to two further manifestations before an arrangement was made with a private stable and trainer, and SCP-2872 has consistently won his derbies since.
Addendum 2872-1: It is felt that the current procedures amount to nothing more than appeasement of SCP-2872, rather than actual protection from its manifestations - see SCP:NOTAHOTEL. As such, SCP-2872 has been relocated to Foundation property, and the containment procedures rewritten to neutralise the anomaly. - Dr J███, 200█
Addendum 2872-2: In 201█, five years after SCP-2872 won the Kentucky Derby, it began to show signs of agitation, unable to run or walk in its cell. Administration of tranquilisers had no effect, nor the previous failsafe of “Whoa, boy!”, and five hours after its distress began, SCP-2872 violently erupted from its cell through to the surface of Site-12, causing ███ injuries and ██ fatalities. After breaching containment, SCP-2872 achieved escape velocity, and entered a trajectory towards the constellation Equuleus.
As of the time of writing, SCP-2872 is 100 light-years away from our solar system, and appears to have lost forward momentum. Current analysis suggests that it is turning.
Item #: SCP-SELK
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-SELK is housed in a Biological Storage locker in a tank of seawater. It should be checked biannually for damage or wear. SCP-SELK is not to be handled or worn without express written authorisation from a designated Project leader.
SCP-SELK-A is to be kept in cryogenic storage.
Description: SCP-SELK is a tanned hide of an Australian fur seal (Arctocephalus pusillus), measuring approximately 3 square metres in area. It has been crudely adapted into a cloak, and a fastener made out of a seal's tooth. Testing reveals that the tooth and hide are a genetic match.
When a live human subject fastens SCP-SELK around their neck, they are transformed into an Australian fur seal. They do not appear to retain their intelligence, nor do they seem to recall any events before their transformation. The subject's health begins to decline after approximately 30 minutes of transformation, and they invariably expire of unusually rapid organ failure within 4 hours. Immediately upon brain death, the subject's hide will begin to separate from their body, reverting to the form of a cloak within 20 minutes (including tooth-fastener). Live tests of SCP-SELK have shown that all tested subjects transformed to the same seal, identified by genetic analysis and a distinct marking also present on SCP-SELK's cloak form.
SCP-SELK-A (hereafter SELK-A) was a Caucasian male of Australian origin, of average height and in good physical health throughout his internment. SELK-A was the original owner of SCP-SELK, and both were brought into Foundation custody at the same time. When SELK-A fastened SCP-SELK around his neck, he was able to fully retain his memories and intelligence, and suffered no ill effects from his form. While a seal, he displayed fewer inhibitions, being both more playful and more violent. He would transform back after six hours at the latest, informing researchers that any longer made him feel "itchy".
When questioned, SELK-A claimed to have been in possession of SCP-SELK as far back as he could remember, and confirmed that only his immediate family were aware of his anomalous nature. (None of his biological children displayed any obvious abnormalities, nor did they acquire SCP-SELKs of their own.) SELK-A required 500 ml of seawater (or else a solution of sea salt) daily at the minimum, "to stop the body getting homesick". At least once a month, SELK-A would be allowed to utilise SCP-SELK in a pool, with additional fish introduced into the pool as a reward for cooperation and good behaviour. While SELK-A remained in Foundation care for several years, and in that time his human form aged, his seal form was not measurably affected by the time span.
In 19██, SELK-A suffered a stroke in human form, and could not be revived. His body was immediately interred to cryogenic storage.
SCP-SELK and SELK-A were recovered in 1967, after the Foundation encountered intransigence on the part of the new Australian government; investigation revealed that SELK-A, then thought to be a prominent but mundane figure in the government, was in fact attempting to sabotage Foundation operations in Australia to hide his own anomalous status. Capture and containment were arranged, and cordial relations were soon restored.
DO NOT POST UNTIL YOU SORT OUT THE SCP NUMBER!!!!!
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The Electoral Commission of the United Kingdom will, during a general election or by-election of the relevant constituency, consult with Foundation liaisons to ensure the continued dormancy of SCP-XXXX. The Foundation will provide cover for electoral manipulation related to this SCP.
Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
CLASS: Euclid
CONTAINMENT: [cooperate with electoral commission to ensure victory for male line descendant]
DESCRIPTION: SCP-XXXX is the seat of the constituency of Farnbridge in England. It’s been held by the squire of the family of farnwaite since 153x when the king of england said “hey you helped trash that monastery? with all these gems and the gold and shit? super present for you, you get a seat in the commons for the head of the household.” Fast forward to the Labour landslide of 1945 when for the first time the male line descendant gets beaten in an election and the anomalous properties of the seat emerge. Dude has to knock down the door to his office to get in, nobody turns up for his surgeries, has physical discomfort when sitting in Commons and his votes go missing for no reason. Foundation makes deal with British government and MP steps down; by-election handed to the descendant again, no issues.
Attempts made to merge or abolish constituency, but obstacles in every direction - down to printer jamming, papers being accidentally shredded, and a fountain pen spontaneously combusting in someone’s hand.
Foundation negotiating with UK government regarding constitutional reform, but stalled at time of writing.
Current MP is last in line. In his seventies, sterile, and at time of writing is in poor health.