And As Everything Breaks Down, I Suppose This Is What We're Left With:

nd it was the god damnedest thing, you know? How it was right at the moment that she was starting to get into it, once he had a good rhythm going and the friction had worked itself out (the lubrication wasn't what it could have been, obviously; this wasn't exactly the end of a really romantic evening or anything) and it was just dark enough, and the feelings and the movements were just familiar enough, that she could pretend that she was somewhere else. And she could pretend that it was a different time, and she was a different woman, and he was a different man, maybe? She was right at that point, where she could lose herself.

And it was right at that moment when she could almost blot out the past and paste the present onto it, when she could put herself in an idealized version of what had been instead of any of the other available options, that she started thinking about, of all fucking things, the future. It was the future that she hated thinking about so much. It was the future that she drank to avoid thinking about. And it was the future that she needed a quick fuck to avoid thinking about.

But she just kept thinking about how bored she was, and about how bored she was acting, and about how there really wasn't a viable explanation for what she was doing here, or why she called him, or why she couldn't come up with something better to be doing, or something different to be doing. So she just kept imagining the conversation after the sex (which wasn't going to be spectacular, but that wasn't his fault, really, was it? neither of them were really that into it) and how awkward it was going to be, and how much she wanted to have a real conversation with him (well, not with him per se, but with someone) and actually get some feelings off of her chest rather than…whatever this was, and then CRAMP CRAMP FUCK CRAMP FUCK CRAMP AAAAAAAAAAH FUCK CRAMP and she was yelling and he was off of her and she had rolled over and was frantically massaging a the back of a thigh right beneath her ass and she was laughing and crying and she didn't know which caused the other