Ihpkmn

CAN = Confirmed Abnormal Nexus
CART = Concrete Anomaly- Ready to Transport

SCPs

r/eunuchfication

Item #: SCP-xxxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to a memetic phenomenon originating from the now-defunct subreddit r/eunuchfication¹; the subreddit in question has been dubbed SCP-XXXX-A.

Content originating from SCP-XXXX-A has deleterious physical effects when viewed by an individual who identifies with or has ties to the "involuntary celibate" community. Individuals who interact with this content will develop symptoms similar to an aggressive strain of syphilis,

Bergentruckung

Beta Readers: Meserach, DrChandra, weryllium, ResearcherBlasko, RailroadRider, Kakroom

Additional Help: Hippo

Item #: SCP-4xxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: The whereabouts of SCP-XXXX-1, -2 and -3 are largely unknown. Their physical descriptions, as well as their last known photographs, are available to all Foundation agents throughout Europe, to aid in containment.

SCP-XXXX-1 is believed to be somewhere in Western Europe, but favors the British Isles, particularly Wales and Cornwall. As they display skill with hand-to-hand and close-range combat (particularly swords), containment attempts are to be carried out long-range with the use of tranquilizer rifles.

SCP-XXXX-2 is believed to be the most difficult to contain, due to its degree of omniscience. Currently, there is no effective way to combat this effect, and SCP-XXXX-2's current whereabouts are unknown. Foundation agents in areas with a large population of individuals of Irish descent are to watch for sightings of SCP-XXXX-2.

SCP-XXXX-3 is currently believed to be residing somewhere in Finland. Foundation assets are monitoring remote areas for signs of probability manipulation, including high crop yields, low rates of disease during epidemics, and large economic windfalls. SCP-XXXX-3's current whereabouts remain unknown.

SCP-XXXX-4 is currently uncontainable, due to their status as a member of the European Parliament. Foundation personnel are embedded within their security detail, and containment efforts will resume at such a time where they are removed from their position in the Parliament.

Description: SCP-xxxx refers to several humanoid individuals possessing anomalous properties which first became active during the First World War. A common anomaly among all SCP-xxxx instances is that they possess complete immortality.

---

SCP-XXXX-1(far right) prior to riding out at an unknown battle, 1917.

SCP-XXXX-1 refers to a human male of Celtic Briton ethnicity² standing at approximately 1.9m in height, weighing 273 kg. SCP-XXXX-1 possesses brunette hair, SCP-XXXX-1 speaks fluent Old Cornish, Old Welsh, Middle and Modern English, and some French.

SCP-XXXX-1 was discovered in September of 1914, following the emergence of an island off of the western coast of England, approximately 20km south of the Isle of Man. SCP-XXXX-1 sailed from this island along with a set of twelve nondescript women, arriving at Liverpool's port in a currach. SCP-XXXX-1 proceeded to harass the locals, whilst the women attempted to calm SCP-XXXX-1. Following the arrival of the foreign intelligence branch of the Secret Service Bureau³, the women returned to the island, which could not be located.

SCP-XXXX-1 exclusively spoke Old Welsh and Old Cornish upon its contact with MI6, and communication was only established through contact with Arthur Sampson Napier, a professor of Anglo-Saxon studies in Oxford. Napier wrote of his encounter with SCP-XXXX-1:

For the majority of the interview, he stared at me, confused as to how I was speaking; I think my accent was unintelligible to him. Eventually, I started talking Cornish, and he instantly started speaking. He was personable, charismatic, even, but the claims he made— he rode with giants and werewolves and all manner of beings to war against Mordred. He claims to be the rightful King of Britain!

I told him I was the Earl of Sussex as a joke. I thought he was going to take off my head— he does not appreciate the Saxons.

An artifact in possession of SSB⁴ confirmed the legitimacy of SCP-XXXX-1's claim to the English throne. What followed was a protracted series of disputes between SCP-XXXX-1 and King George V over whether or not the latter should abdicate the Throne of England; SCP-XXXX-1's claim appears to be related to the fact that they neither died nor abdicated their throne, and the country functioned on the assumption they had died. Furthermore, the artifact in question only claimed that SCP-XXXX-1 had a valid claim to the throne of Britain, and not the throne of The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and all of its Colonies. Again, Napier writes:

I sat in on another audience between the two Kings. It's clear that His Majesty is afraid— his knuckles were white from clutching the arms of his chair. His Majesty got the throne through pure luck, and there have been claims upon claims doubting his legitimacy.

Arthur is more charismatic than His Majesty can ever hope to be— he has a presence about him that tells me that he was raised in a different time, but his wisdom is timeless. Still, His Majesty has experience with the modern world— Britain, and all of its Empire. Arthur was alarmed by the prospect of the empire being so large that it touched all corners of the world.

A sample of the exchange which took place:

H.M.: People don't expect a chivalrous king. Not in war time. We must be pragmatic, we cannot afford honour, not when we've my cousin's⁵ army to contend with.

A: I know nothing of chivalry. I know of honour— and the fact that you have your arse on a padded seat instead of in a saddle, riding to battle alongside your men, is enough for me to know that you are not a king.

In December of 1914, SCP-XXXX-1's efforts to claim the Throne of England ceased— Napier notes that this is most likely due to the fact that SCP-XXXX-1 would not have been able to both govern and participate in active combat.

SCP-XXXX-1 is listed as Arthur █████ in official British Military Records, having taken part in several military operations during the course of the First World War as a cavalry officer. SCP-XXXX-1 is recorded as fighting exclusively with a long or broad sword, and rode upon a brown mare which reportedly possessed anomalous properties.

A report of these anomalous properties is recorded in a letter from John ███████ to his wife Edith, prior to its seizure due to the British Army's censorship practices:

Arthur has always been a queer fellow; abnormally lucky, his horse Llamerel seems to ride between mines. And he speaks English as if he were out of time— he's taught me some of his tongue, and it is fascinating. He even produced a copy of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, though he informs me the incident in question actually happened to a Sir Kay, as a joke by Arthur's half-sister.

I'm sure it is the fever causing me to hallucinate, but Arthur seems to have strange properties about him. I'm sure I was hallucinating from the fever, but when he ran over the trenches, he took at least twenty rounds to the chest, from a machine gun, and he kept running. When he returned, not even his clothes were torn.

Others say they have seen him shot through the skull, only to stand a second later. This man is fascinating, as is the work he has presented me with— he has told me to keep the book, as a gift. And he's also told me to inspect something called Beowolf(?) which a friend in the army recommended to him.

Officially, Arthur █████ died in 1976. In 2015, a video appearing to depict SCP-XXXX-1 at Dozmary Pool in Cornwall was taken by a tourist. The transcript of that video is below.

SCP-XXXX-1: Nimue!

SCP-XXXX-1 splashes at the water.

SCP-XXXX-1: Come out here, you fairy bitch!

SCP-XXXX-1 throws something into the water. It appears to be a large piece of iron.

SCP-XXXX-1: I've been out here one-hundred years and you don't even have the decency to give me back my sword?! I fought without it by my side! I watched people suffer! I could have saved them if I had Caliburn!

Tourist 1: What the hell?

Tourist 2: He's probably high on something.

SCP-XXXX-1: Nimue! Give it back!

A large, humanoid shape appears in the middle of the lake. It appears to be made out of water. Large amounts of digital static appears on the film.

Tourist 1: What the fuck?

Unknown Entity: (In Welsh) I don't have it anymore, Arthur.

SCP-XXXX-1: What do you mean? We gave it to you after Camlann!

Unknown Entity: (In Welsh) It was stolen.

SCP-XXXX-1: If I had it, I… I could have saved them. You could have given it to me—

Unknown Entity: (In Welsh) You thought you could be a hero if you wielded Caliburn? Europe was a charnel house. A sword wouldn't have changed that.

The Unknown Entity turns to look at the tourists. The footage after this point is corrupted beyond recovery.

---

SCP-XXXX-2 is an Irish male. SCP-XXXX-2 measures 2.1m in height, weighing approximately 290kg. SCP-XXXX-2 possesses white hair, and a burn scar on their right thumb, which is believed to have anomalous properties; specifically, this scar confers a limited form of omniscience when it is in contact with SCP-XXXX-2's mouth.

SCP-XXXX-2 commands a small army of Irish individuals, both male and female, collectively designated SCP-XXXX-2A. All SCP-XXXX-2A instances, as well as SCP-XXXX-2 itself, ride an unknown, possibly extinct breed of horse, and show experience with a wide variety of weaponry.

SCP-XXXX-2 manifested during the Gallipoli Campaign. An unknown soldier, likely of Irish descent, was seen blowing a hunting horn prior to being shot and killed by Ottoman forces. Following this, SCP-XXXX-2 and several -2A instances were seen tending to the dead and wounded, as well as loading all corpses onto horses.

The following is an account of an Irish soldier who discovered SCP-XXXX-2 instances tending to the wounded.

We had heard the horn about half an hour before we saw the riders. I nearly caught an arrow in the face for startling them— they shouted out a warning in Gaelic.

"Friend or Foe of the Fianna?" They asked. "Friend", I told them. They looked at the other two survivors in my company— Prajheer and Allan— and ushered us over.

Blood and muck splashed around our feet. These men and women, they looked out of time— some had woad on their skin that was running, as if they had rode through a rainstorm. The Fianna, they had called themselves— heroes, one and all. But there were no cries of joy at the defeat of an enemy, because the enemy wasn't defeated. All that were here were bones trampled underfoot.

A man, large and bearded, held one of the corpses. I recognized the soldier from glimpses traded over the canteen table. He could have been the weeping man's son— the same eyes, same nose, same hair. And laying at his side was a broken horn.
Looking over the sea was a man with white hair, his hand clutched around a spear. I approached him, unsure if I should bow or not. He looked at me, and asked one thing. "What is it you desire now, more than anything? Revenge against the butchers? Victory in this battle? The wealth of a nation?"

I just replied that I wanted to see my mother. We all did. Allan had joined the army young, and none of our letters were getting through.
"A noble goal", he replied. He grabbed me by the arm and swooped me up onto his horse. The other survivors were asked where they lived, but somehow, he knew. Fionn knew my mother.

The sky blurred— stars spiraled above, and the wind blew mud from my face. I slept, and when I awoke, my mother's arms were wrapped around me, and she was sobbing.

Sightings of SCP-XXXX-2 are the least common among SCP-XXXX instances. Reports of SCP-XXXX-2A instances riding into battle alongside British cavalry have been corroborated, but SCP-XXXX-2 itself was not seen again until the Irish War of Independence occurred in 1919.

A stone tablet recovered outside of Dublin in 1949, believed to have been inscribed by SCP-XXXX-1, reads as such:

When I was young, my mothers taught me the ways of the sword and the ways of magic. I love them, and I weep for them. If they could see the world as it is now, how Eire and Albion and the rest of it has suffered, they would have kept me secluded in a cave for my whole life.

I do not curse the man who blew the Dord Fiann. He was terrified, and he called for help the only way he knew how. We rode to his side, and for weeks after, our horse's feet were stained by blood. I could not stand by and watch— it was sickening, what was occurring.

I, Fionn Mac Cumhaill, am a coward. I cannot watch the senseless suffering, even if it means that I can help those who suffer. Eire called me in its time of aid, and I answered. I will not answer again.

SCP-XXXX-2 has reportedly been sighted throughout the New England region of the United States, among areas where individuals of Irish descent have populated.

---

SCP-XXXX-3 is an elderly male human, purportedly of Finnish heritage⁶ standing at approximately 1.5m in height, weight unknown. SCP-XXXX-3 possesses grey hair with a grey beard. SCP-XXXX-3 is described as being in possession of a kantele⁷, and wears garments made of bear pelts.

SCP-XXXX-3 (left) reciting poetry whilst comforting a victim of the H1N1 pandemic, 1918.

SCP-XXXX-3 was first sighted in the port of Helsinki on December 31st, 1917, sailing into the port of Helsinki while playing their kantele. SCP-XXXX-3 proceeded to conduct a New Years celebration in a small tavern in Helsinki; this building has shown anomalous properties in the intervening years.

Following the commencement of the Finnish Civil war in January of 1918, SCP-XXXX-3 acted as a beneficent party to both the Socialist Democratic Red Guard and the German-backed White Guard. During the Battle of Helsinki, SCP-XXXX-3 appeared on the rooftops throughout the city, singing a song with thaumaturgical properties. This song is believed to be a retelling of the Kalevala, and its thaumaturgical effects were only evident on individuals of Finnish descent; German forces which landed in the area were unaffected.

SCP-XXXX-3's song caused probabilistic anomalies to take place; bullets that would otherwise have missed their targets instead ricocheted and hit, shots that should have been fatal caused minor injuries, grenades failed to detonate. However, due to the fact that both sides of the Battle of Helsinki were affected by SCP-XXXX-3, it is unknown exactly how much its outcome was affected by SCP-XXXX-3's presence.

Following the conclusion of the civil war, SCP-XXXX-3 dedicated itself to civilian efforts, namely caring for individuals who had been stricken by the H1N1 Influenza pandemic of 1918. SCP-XXXX-3 would visit the most affected areas of Finland, reciting poetry and singing to individuals in which symptoms of Pandemic Flu had manifested. Several of these individuals made a complete recovery within weeks of SCP-XXXX-3's visit.

A priest in Inari wrote this about SCP-XXXX-3 in a letter to their brother:

I am a Christian. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ, and the Saints. I have been praying over the beds of dozens of those who come in, coughing fluid from their lungs, dying, miserable. Some have tried to take their lives, but are too weak to tie a noose.

I do not know if this man that has come is as servant of God. He presents himself as a bard, playing his kantele and singing of the Sampo⁸ and of great exploits that he has done. He paints himself as a folk hero, a jester.

But somehow, they improve. I saw a child, who had been turning blue for the last three days, stand up and start dancing with him. Lungs that could barely breathe a day before sang and laughed. Hands that popped like cereal in milk were writing letters to their parents.

If I have just witnessed a miracle, I do not know what to say. A man who looked older than the Earth below me sang a song, and others danced to his tune. I do not know if he is divine, or devilish, but he saved so many.

SCP-XXXX-3 was sighted during the Winter and Continuation wars; following this, sightings have been sporadic.

---

SCP-XXXX-4 is Frederick Barbarossa, appearing as he did on the date of his death in 1190. SCP-XXXX-4 was recovered in Bavaria in 1914, being led down from a mountain by a child of German descent, bemoaning the absence of ravens. SCP-XXXX-4 was brought to Kaiser Wilhelm II, who appointed SCP-XXXX-4 as a military adviser. SCP-XXXX-4 spoke modern German upon its discovery, evidently through anomalous means.

SCP-XXXX-4 was reportedly reluctant to aid Wilhelm II, to the point of entering physical altercations at least four times during the course of World War I. The following recounts General Ludendorff's observations of a meeting in Berlin in early 1915, where SCP-XXXX-4 was present:

It was clear neither the Kaiser or His Holiness were happy. Frederick had a bloodied nose (though it had healed so quickly that I could only see bloodstains in his beard) and the Kaiser had a bruised eye. We ignored it as the meeting began.

The first item was the so-called "Weihnachtsfrieden"⁹. We assured the Kaiser it would not happen again, but His Holiness scoffed.

"They spent a few nights getting fat on sausages and warming their stomachs with coffee. It's essentially what Wilhelm does every day— should we begrudge his troops for wanting to live like their Emperor?"

Thankfully, I managed to have a coughing fit at this time, concealing my humor.

SCP-XXXX-4 appears to have privately written satirical documents critical of the war, which were published in allied territories. An excerpt from one such document, "Cousins Billy and Georgie", follows.

Cousin Georgie has lots of toy boats. Lots and lots of toy boats. Big boats, small boats, short boats, tall boats. He has a veritable navy.

Cousin Billy doesn't have any boats, and he doesn't have any money to buy them. So, when Cousin Ferdinand gets sick, he decides to ally himself with Cousin Karl to get money to buy some boats. But Cousin Georgie doesn't like Cousin Karl.

So now Cousin Billy has a lot of boats, and Cousin Georgie and Cousin Billy are breaking their own toys to spite each other.

SCP-XXXX-4 is the only remaining SCP-XXXX instance who is known to be active. Their whereabouts were previously unknown, but in 2016, they re-emerged under the pseudonym Frederick Bismarck,
a member of the European Democratic Party, shortly prior to their election to the European Parliament.

Due to their prominence in the parliament, as well as several treaties and agreements made with the Global Occult Coalition and various anomalous monitoring organizations of EU Member countries, containment is currently infeasible. However, in November of 2018, Foundation assets posing as journalists from the Daily Telegraph were able to conduct an interview with SCP-XXXX-4.

<Begin Log»

Agent Pullman: I'm glad we could meet, Herr Bismarck.

SCP-XXXX-4: Bitte, call me Frederick. You may not be in the EU for much longer, but I still like to be on a first-name basis with as many citizens as I can.

Agent Pullman: You rose to prominence fairly recently. It's hard to find much evidence of your existing before 2016.

SCP-XXXX-4: Yes, well, I've got a rather lengthy family line. From all the way back to the Holy Roman Empire, until the first World War— around the time Hitler came to power, my family fled for England.

SCP-4xxx interrupts Agent Pullman's next question.

SCP-XXXX-4: I believe it is time that we, how do you say, "cut the bullshit'?

Agent Pullman: I'm sorry?

SCP-XXXX-4: And now I know you're spewing bullshit. If you had said something such as "I agree, let's talk about your policies" or "What are your thoughts on the state of the world", then you wouldn't have blown yourself. Now, who are you really?

Agent Pullman: Someone who knows that your last name isn't really Bismarck.

SCP-XXXX-4: Well, judging by the fact that I'm not being escorted away by men in tactical gear, I believe I can speak plainly, yes? So ask your actual questions.

Agent Pullman: Alright. From what we can tell, you and three other… for lack of a better term, people woke up during World War I. Supposedly, all of them are supposed to arise in their homeland's time of need.

SCP-XXXX-4: Ah, yes. I ran into Arthur in a cafe in West Germany. Nice man, but he's still having trouble adapting to the times.

Agent Pullman: You're aware of the others?

SCP-XXXX-4: How could I not be? After a time, things like us we're… drawn to each other. I've so far avoided the others— they seem to be keeping mostly to themselves, and I prefer to stay within Germany.

Agent Pullman: The thing is… you're all supposed to awaken in your nation's greatest time of need. World War I was a pissing match between a few family members. Not really the stuff of heroes.

SCP-XXXX-4: I agree. The reason Arthur was in Brussels in the first place was because he had grown sick of the machinations of "Ungentlemanly Warfare"¹⁰ and SIS.

SCP-XXXX-4 shakes his head.

SCP-XXXX-4: I don't think we were supposed to wake up, not yet.

Agent Pullman: You think it was induced? How?

SCP-XXXX-4: The boy I was with was meant to check if there were any ravens on the mountain— no ravens, I stayed asleep. I went back to the mountain after the war, hoping to rest— I found the corpses of hundreds of ravens, shot dead by German bullets.

Agent Pullman: And another one was summoned by the blowing of a hunting horn. That doesn't account for the other two.

SCP-XXXX-4: You may want to do a recount— there were more than four countries involved in the war.

Agent Pullman: How many of you are out there?

SCP-XXXX-4: I'd wager there are as many Bergentruckung¹¹ as there are countries. But that's not any of my business.

Agent Pullman: I… see. Well, er, Your Holiness—

SCP-XXXX-4: Frederick, please.

Agent Pullman: Frederick, I think that it's best if I leave.

SCP-XXXX-4: Very well. Oh, and if you run into Sir Francis, tell him that he still owes me for that boat of mine he sank.

Agent Pullman: Sir Francis… Drake?

SCP-XXXX-4: And I have said too much.

<End Log>

---

SCP-XXXX-5 (tentatively) refers to Sir Francis Drake. They are believed to have been present at several naval engagements in the First and Second World Wars, but little is known about this SCP-XXXX instance at this time.

Supply Crates

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The IP address at which SCP-3xxx may be accessed from has been blocked from all public IP addresses, with programs in place that cause most browsers to fail or display messages associated with malware detection on the website. Attempting to bypass this warning will infect the device attempting to access SCP-3xxx with a Foundation-engineered malware, which will cause a hard reset on each subsequent attempt to access the website.

Currently, twenty-nine Foundation staff employed at Site-21 are part of the AW Credit program, and are to complete tasks that will earn them further AW Credits at their leisure. Should the required activities show any abnormalities, they are to be reported to Dr. Lun immediately. No attempts should be made to purchase instances of SCP-3xxx-1.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to a web address at [REDACTED].com, which claims to be under the sole ownership of Andy Wilson Industries since 2005; this corporation does not exist. SCP-3xxx contains no memetic, cognitohazardous or otherwise infohazardous materials, and when accessed without having registered for the website, simply appears to be a marketing website for Andrew Wilson Industries. The exact nature of AW Industries business is unclear, but it appears to center around the delivery of anomalous parcels designated SCP-3xxx-1.

SCP-3xxx-1 refers to 3.1m³ crates made out of an aluminum-titanium alloy. SCP-3xxx-1 instances appear covered in a Kevlar parachute, suggesting that they were intended to be dropped from cargo-bearing aircraft. The crates are stamped with the Andy Wilson Industries logo (See Image) [Will put image in later], and fall open in response to contact with human skin.

SCP-3xxx-1 instances can be obtained from SCP-3xxx in one of two ways: either registering oneself for the "AW Credit" merit program, which rewards points for completion of various, seemingly arbitrary tasks that vary from individual to individual, or paying a price in US Dollars to receive up to 100 instances of SCP-3xxx-1 at a time. The prices range from two instances of SCP-3xxx for 200USD to 100 for 15,000USD. When earned or bought, the SCP-3xxx-1 instance will materialize within 5m of the individual who ordered it over the course of approximately ten seconds.

The contents of the SCP-3xxx-1 instances vary wildly, in terms of the variety, quality and quantity of included items. All items are stamped with the Andy Wilson Industries logo in one of six colors, indicating the quality of the item, from grey (lowest quality), blue, yellow, pink, red and gold (highest quality). The most common inclusions are:

• Bottles of potable water. Gray rating or higher.
• MRE Packets, containing large amounts of protein and sodium, as well as an unknown compound, which appears to trigger an addiction response in individuals who have consumed it. Yellow rating or higher.
• Antibiotic medications, including amoxicillin, clarithromycin, and [REDACTED], an experimental antibiotic currently under development by the pharmaceutical company ██████. Pink rating or higher.
• Tinderboxes, matches and other firemaking equipment. Gray rating or higher.
• Seeds, including corn, wheat and tomato seeds; seeds have only germinated in 2.5% of cases. Gray rating only.
• First aid materials, evidently meant for treating gunshot and animal wounds, as well as radiation poisoning. Blue rating or higher.
• Reading material, usually in the form of propaganda promoting Wilson-Kotick, printed on edible paper. Gray rating or higher.
• Various bladed or blunt instruments, such as sledgehammers and carving knives, evidently meant for use as weapons. Blue rating or higher; the lower the rating, the more fragile the implement.
• Firearms, ranging from pistols to automatic rifles; in one case, an SCP-3xxx-1 instance produced an RPG-7 launcher, which was rendered non-functional after a single firing and could not be repaired. Gold rating only.

Each SCP-3xxx-1 only contains five items, regardless of whether or not there is additional available space.

It has been noted that SCP-3xxx-1 instances that are bought using SCP-3xxx, as opposed to earned using the AW Credit merit program, often have higher-quality items within, such as more nutritious food, purer water, and more effective medicine.

Addendum: AW Credit Task List:

The following tasks have appeared on the AW Credit Program task list, as achievements that can be completed to earn AW Credits. It should be noted that an SCP-3xxx-1 instance is approximately 2,000 credits per box.

Achievements completed to date are in red:

• Welcome To The New Age: Frag¹² Twenty Enemies. 50 Credits.
• Data-Mining: Boobytrap a computer. 50 Credits.¹³
• Geneva Convention? What's That?: Commit a crime against humanity. 50 Credits.¹⁴
• FYI I Am A…: Stealth kill an enemy. 50 Credits.
• No Ammo? No Problem!: Kill an enemy with an unloaded or broken weapon. 50 Credits.
• Is Nothing Sacred?: Desecrate consecrated ground. 50 Credits.¹⁵
• And A Nice Chianti: Acquire some "Human Resources". 100 Credits.
• Finders Takers: Steal someone else's supply drop. 100 Credits.
• Animal "Rights" Activist: Kill twenty animals. 100 Credits.¹⁶
• It's Got Electrolytes! Drink a Dorito-flavored Mountain Dew.¹⁷ 200 Credits.¹⁸
• Do These Tacos Taste Funny?: Prepare a meal and kill three enemies with it. 200 Credits.
• Bubble, Bubble, Boil to Rubble: Melt an enemy. 200 Credits.¹⁹
• Batter Up: Decapitate an enemy with a baseball bat, then hit a home run. 500 Credits.
• REKVT: Find an RKV Controller,²⁰ and use it to wipe out at least twenty enemies. 4000 credits.
• World-Famous Corn Star: Grow 100 Units of AW Corn. 2000 Credits.²¹
• War Profiteer: Buy 100 Supply Crates at once. 5000 credits.

Addendum: Irregular Behavior:

On 5/21/17, Dr. Lisa Mayberry, one of the researchers who is registered for the AW Credit Program, noted several deviations in the achievements she was given for her week, including:

• Shareware: Share [REDACTED].com with your friends! 2000 Credits, and another 2000 for you and your friend with the AWI Referral Program!
• Shareware II: Sharing Is Caring: Share [REDACTED].com on Myspace, Twitter, or Instagram. 2000 Credits
• Shareware 3: The Danger Clothes: Wear [REDACTED].com merchandise, or merch from any [REDACTED] game. 2000 Credits.
• Shareware 69: Oooh Baby: Talk about [REDACTED].com or AWI while having some hot coffee. 10000 credits.

Dr. Mayberry's attempts to discontinue her membership in the AW Credit program have been unsuccessful.

Since this time, several new achievements have appeared, all of which seem to have the goal of breaching containment of SCP-3xxx, including:.

• Flash Mob: Drop ten Supply Crates in the middle of a city with a population of greater than 20,000, and see what happens. 4000 Credits.

• Do What Regalis²² Would Want: Breach Containment of SCP-3xxx. 8000 Credits.
• Nuke 'em: Breach containment of SCP-3xxxx and detonate the on-site nuclear device.²³ 10000 credits.

Five months after these deviations began occurring, Dr. Richard McDonagh received this as a weekly objective:

• Cut You In: Breach Containment of SCP-3xxx. $10,000,000.

This is the only time the AW Credit program has had a monetary incentive as opposed to AW Credits.

Sorority Thanatonaut

Beta readers: Sunconure11, Meserach,

Item #: SCP-4xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-4xxx is a human mummy embalmed with techniques consistent with those seen in the Middle Kingdom of Egypt (2030-1650 BCE). In life, SCP-4xxx is believed to have been Alexandra McGrath, a member of the Theta Omega Theta sorority, who disappeared circa 2000 AD. Aside from the recent date of its manufacture, SCP-4xxx is notable for deviating from all known Ancient Egyptian burial customs due to having its brain intact²⁴ and desiccated within its skull.

SCP-4xxx-1 is an Ur Hekau, a ritual adze used for an "Opening of the Mouth" ritual in Egyptian burial customs. SCP-4xxx-1 was made in contemporary times, as is evidenced by the fact it has been carved and polished using modern carpentry techniques, as well as the fact it is made from oak wood.

When SCP-4xxx-1 is held by a female aged 18-25 while in close proximity to SCP-4xxx, that individual becomes an instance of SCP-4xxx-2. SCP-4xxx-2 instances appear to have their personality and memories overwritten by that of Alexandra McGrath for a duration between thirty minutes and five hours.

SCP-4xxx-2 instances are capable of the anomalous creation of writing media, including pencils, pens, quills, various types of paper, and papyrus. SCP-4xxx-2 instances use these items to create documents and maps that record experiences undergone by Alexandra McGrath in a location that is referred to in text as the Sakhat-Eru. These documents are in English, and collected instances of these can be found in the addendum.

SCP-4xxx was discovered during the demolition of the Theta Omega Theta sorority building at Bowling Green State University in Ohio in 2014 as part of an effort to build new Greek Life facilities on campus. It was sealed within a wall along with SCP-4xxx-1 and several documents, and its anomalous properties were discovered when a student from Bowling Green State University, interning at the Toledo Museum of Art, interacted with SCP-4xxx-1 for inspection.

The Theta Omega Theta sorority has been under Foundation monitoring since 1976, due to its connection with a string of crocodile attacks in Massachusetts. SCP-4xxx is the first concrete evidence of Theta Omega Theta's anomalous activity.

Addendum: Collected Documents:

I have started on my journey. It is dark, and I feel unwelcome. Anubis awoke, perplexed at my condition. I was one of the first he had escorted in centuries. A barque came for me, something normally reserved for the pharaohs.

Anubis is not talkative, and he does not enjoy being called by that name. Anoup is the name he prefers, and he is massive. Only his head is jackal-like, the rest of his body has red skin, like dried blood.

The Hall of Two Truths awaits me on the horizon. Anubis provided me with parchment to record my 42 Negative Confessions. I will include them below.

1) I have not killed
2) I have not blasphemed the gods
3) I have not strayed on my path of loyalty to Re
4) I have not kept slaves
5) I have not harmed animals without reason
6) I have not destroyed property in anger
7) I have not forgotten my daily sacrifices, except in times of illness²⁵
8) I have not
[The remainder of the document is missing]

Sisters, Ammit is terrifying. The scriptures do not do it justice— it could swallow millions of hearts. And it was starving.

The feather wavered, but my heart balanced. Anubis seemed relcutant to let me pass. I believe that he might have been lonely. I was the first soul to be buried in accordance with the rites in quite some time, and the Field of Reeds awaits, a place he cannot enter.

Sisters, I will begin my chronicling of the Field and beyond.

There are hundreds of thousands here. Many royals, but many more soldiers. Pharaohs were buried with soldiers, pets, by the dozens. I was accosted by cats when I entered.

Wine and food was plentiful. A celebration occurred in my honor, and as I write, it is still ongoing. I do not know anything of the mortal world. I will attempt communication, but I must do it in secret. I do not know how they would react to an intact brain.

The water here is crisp and pure. The reeds are taller than my head, and in it, there are cats the size of elephants.

Night fell over Kemet²⁶. In the 9th hour, I received the first of your gifts, which I shared with the fellow dead— many of them had never seen chocolate before, and the nature of the tomb means that the supply is essentially unlimited.

In the tenth hour, sisters, I saw him. Re, on his barque, with Kephre resting upon his chest. He was more beauteous than could be imagined. His skin was the color of wind flowing through the trees of my childhood home, and his eyes looked like a cool summer day. Adulation to Re were sang, in a voice that I dare not repeat, for fear of the paper burning from its sacred power.

I will try to record a single word:²⁷

The Perfect Machine

Description: SCP-4xxx refers to a series of religious practices, the ultimate goal of which is the natural conversion of a human being into a quasi-non-human state.

The rituals and actions necessary for SCP-4xxx to occur are inscribed upon SCP-4xxx-A, a series of bamboo slips discovered throughout China, the earliest of which is dated to the 5th Century BC. A transcript of one of the major SCP-4xxx-A instances follows:

Do not harm the creatures that walk alongside you, nor the creatures in the air, or the sea. Do not partake of their meat.

If a life must be taken, you must atone for that life, and carry its weight upon you.

Do not covet the riches of men, or the words of love.

Partake of the waters of life, but cleanse them with the flames of death.

Each year, fast for three days and four nights.

Each month, drink scalding tea.

Each day, humble yourself before the universe.

Each hour, know that you are a god unto yourself.

Other SCP-4xxx-A instances act as guides for various minor rituals, such as the preparation of a specific meal following a fast, guides to inflicting and treating ritual injuries, and a form of ritualized suicide if one believes they have failed in following these teachings.

SCP-4xxx-B refers to individuals who have followed SCP-4xxx. SCP-4xxx-B individuals manifest several alterations based on a variety of factors, including sex, age, and ethnicity. These alterations have included:

- The fossilization of their internal skeletal structure, replacing marrow with crystals including amethysts and rubies; this has no effect on the production of blood cells.
- The replacement of individual teeth with sharp plates that protrude from the skull, comparable to beaks.
-

The Short Thing

Thing: SCP-X X X X

Thing Class: Safe

Keep Thing In Rules: SCP X X X X can only be said to be safe; this is a lie. SCP 4 X X X is not safe.

What Thing Is: SCP-X X X X is a large girl bee-like thing that first came to be in the third month of the year three years ago, in the bath room of a home in New York, New York. One can not use words more than one sound to say things that are true or false of SCP 4 X X X. This has made the act of Keep Thing In hard, as one must say that SCP 4 X X X is Safe. This has led to the Keep Thing In Rules to fail at least ten times in the last three years.

SCP 4 X X X can make things that are not it act like it by use of its sting. If a live thing is stung by SCP 4 X X X, it will swell up like a bee sting. After one to four days, one can not talk of thing that was stung but by the use of words that are one sound. SCP-X X X X was the head of the hive of bees that can all do the same thing.

All-Natural Memes

Item #: SCP-xxxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-xxxx refers to the tendency for natural structures, organisms, phenomena, and sheer coincidence to form memetic hazards. The process by which these memetic structures form is currently unclear, as all known memes created by SCP-xxxx only affect human beings, and the structures and phenomena in which they are observed would have to have been formed over the course of hundreds to millions of years.

84% of SCP-xxxx instances are benign, usually imbuing a sense of fear in individuals who view them, causing them to vacate the area. The remaining 16%, however, are a consistent, unidentified memetic kill agent, designated SCP-xxxx-A. SCP-xxxx-A forms the basis for

Since the 1000s, it is believed that there have been over 5,000 instances of memetic hazards created by SCP-xxxx.

SCP-xxxx Instance	Date of Manifestation	SCP-xxxx-A	Description	Notes
SCP-xxxx-01	January 9th, 1772	No	First known instance of SCP-xxxx, taking the form of what is described as "unnatural spirals in the snow" formed by snow in London. Several people, including the anonymous author, fell unconscious upon observing the spirals.	Similar events occurred in 1792 and 1799.
SCP-xxxx-192	April 14, 1809	No		cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
SCP-xxxx-1035 through 1502	1883-1884	No	Following the eruption of Mt. Krakatoa in August 1883, SCP-xxxx events became far more frequent and widespread, the most common manifestation being a cross-shaped memetic cloud formation, which was linked to several fires set globally.	None
SCP-xxxx-4392	cell-content cell-content		A diary entry from a missionary in the Congo reads: "The queerest thing happened this past night— I awoke to the rain falling in a peculiar manner, almost musically. It gave everyone in the camp fits— I couldn't stand up until the rain stopped. We're turning back— something doesn't want us here."	One of the rare instances of SCP-xxxx using sound to convey a meme.
SCP-xxxx-4494	May 2nd, 2003	Yes	SCP-xxxx-42942 manifested on the "face" of the Old Man in the Mountain, a geographical curiosity in New Hampshire which resembled the profile of a human face. The kill agent present was potent enough to affect individuals in cars on nearby Interstate 93.	Air strike called in to destroy the instance. Collapse blamed on natural geological events. Remains unremarkable.
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content

Benthic Beckonings

Item #: SCP-xxxx

Object Class: Euclid Unexplained

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-xxxx refers to an anomalous phenomenon affecting individuals stationed at Foundation Aquatic Site-01. Individuals affected by SCP-xxxx express an urge to go downwards from their current location, typically past the [blackbox] ridge on which AS-01 is located.

Originally attributed to a psychological phenomenon manifesting as the result of extended isolation, SCP-xxxx was classified as anomalous following the disappearance of Site Director Robert Tsumeragi in August of 2018. In order to better study the anomaly, AS-01's current staff were left in relative isolation at their current location.

AS-01 Abridged Dossier:

Foundation Aquatic Site-01 is a prototype research site designed with several objectives in mind.

• Establish a base for long-term study and containment of aquatic and nautical anomalies
• Establish a habitat for researchers and other personnel conducting these studies
• Perform research into the effects of long-term isolation
• Test Foundation equipment designed for deep-sea exploration and containment
• Test effectiveness of waste recycling systems as a supplement to normal nutritional intake

AS-01 is located at [COORDINATES REDACTED] at approximately 500m below sea level, primarily using energy from geothermal vents in the area. Its facilities and features include:

• Fourteen personnel cabins (four unoccupied as of the emergence of SCP-4xxx)
• A panoptic observatory made with 10cm thick shatter-resistant glass
• Sonar with a 10km range
• An infirmary with an electronic assistant ("Doc") to aid in advanced medical procedures, usable even by inexperienced personnel.
• Three filtration and desalination stations
• Two galleys
• A waterless fire suppression system
• Three primary airlocks for egress and ingress into the site
• Six pressurized escape pods, capable of holding up to three people. These pods can be loaded onto several SCPS ships patrolling the area around AS-01 to act as decompression chambers.

SCP-BSOD-J: A Luddite's Wet Dream

Item #: SCP-BSOD-J

Object Class: Keter Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-BSOD-J is a Caucasian human male in their thirties, [Height] meters tall and weighing [weight]. SCP-BSOD-J was formerly known as Foundation IT personnel Walter Nedry.

Whenever SCP-BSOD-J interacts with an electronic device more complex than a digital watch or a graphing calculator, that device will invariably suffer a catastrophic failure of one or more components within one year due to seemingly random events. This causes frustration in SCP-BSOD-J, who will often cause further damage to the device in a rage state following the damage to the electronic device they are interacting with.

Test Logs:

Item: Toshiba Laptop, running Windows Vista, owned for one year
Cause of Failure: Screen made non-functional
Circumstances of Failure: SCP-BSOD-J attempted to clean their laptop using an ammonia-based glass cleaner; however, due to a small opening in the screen's casing, ammonia leaked into key components and made over 50% of critical areas of the screen render as dead pixels.

Item: MSI Laptop, running Windows Vista, owned for six months
Cause of Failure: Operating System Transmogrification
Circumstances of Failure: While attempting to update their laptop to Windows 7, SCP-BSOD-J encountered an error which caused only half of the download of the new operating system to complete, followed by the computer dying. Upon rebooting, SCP-BSOD-J stole a firearm from the nearest guard and proceeded to shoot their laptop, before attempting to self-terminate.

A mental exam following the incident showed that these symptoms were indicative of exposure to either a memetic suicide agent, or Windows 2000.

The horror… the horror…— David Rosen

Item: Acer laptop, running Windows 7, owned for three years
Cause of Failure: Keyboard Failure
Circumstances of Failure: [DATA EXPUNGED]. It should be noted that SCP-BSOD-J has never consumed any ██████s brand chips, and is allergic to several ingredients.

Item: Acer Laptop, running Windows 7, owned for three years and seven months
Cause of Failure: Battery Failure
Circumstances of Failure: While working on a requisition report for a new computer, SCP-BSOD-J's laptop spontaneously combusted, a phenomenon which was later attributed to the lithium-ion battery overheating. SCP-BSOD-J reports the laptop suddenly blaring out a song prior to its destruction, later identified as Fuck This Shit, I'm Out by the band The Theme Song. This has not been corroborated.

Item: Samsung Galaxy S6 smartphone, owned for six months
Cause of Failure: Water damage.
Circumstances of Failure: While being transported to a safehouse following a containment breach at Site-404, SCP-BSOD-J was attempting to view the weather report on their phone A freak rainstorm started, and water leaked through the roof of the transport, splashing onto the screen of the phone and subsequently ruining its interior components.

Item: Dell laptop, running Windows 10, owned for six seconds.
Cause of Failure: Blunt force trauma.
Circumstances of Failure: SCP-BSOD-J punched their hand through the monitor.

Item: MSI Laptop, running Windows 10, owned for three weeks
Cause of Failure: Integration into SCP-882
Circumstances of Failure: SCP-BSOD-J mistakenly left their laptop near the edge of SCP-882's tank. Laptop was knocked in upon contact with their elbow, and metal components integrated into SCP-882.

Item: SCP-822
Cause of Failure: Integration of an MSI Laptop owned by SCP-BSOD-J.
Circumstances of Failure: Immediately after consuming the laptop, SCP-822 emitted a 'scream as if though god had shat blood' and imploded, leaving behind a pile of molten slag.

Item: The Church of the Broken God
Cause of Failure: Destruction of SCP-882.
Circumstances of Failure: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Silicon Valley and Greece have been rendered unfit for habitation.

Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!

Item #: SCP-4000-EX

Object Class: Keter Explained

Special Containment Procedures:

Show Archived Procedures

SCP-4000-EX has been determined to be completely non anomalous. Howard Phillips Lovecraft, his works, and individuals who discuss the works of "The Cthulhu Mythos" do not warrant any special monitoring related to SCP-4000-EX. All anomalies associated with SCP-4000-EX are to be reclassified under individual SCP designations.

Description: SCP-4000-EX refers to a ruin located at coordinates [REDACTED] in the Arabian Peninsula.

Mr. Twister

Item #: SCP-####

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All entrances to SCP-#### have been sealed by concrete. No further containment is believed to be necessary.

Description: SCP-#### refers to a spatial anomaly occurring within a defunct ████████ manufacturing plant in Detroit, Michigan. The former ████████ plant was shut down in the 1940s following the manifestation of SCP-####.

Blip

Item #: SCP-2722

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-2722 refers to an irregularly-shaped space station of unknown origin currently orbiting Titan, the largest moon of the planet Saturn. SCP-2722's external dimensions are approximately 200km x 50km x 70. However, the interior of SCP-2722 uses Augustine Non-Euclidian Stabilization Engines²⁸, allowing its dimensions to far exceed that of the exterior. The hull of SCP-2722 is made up of an iridium-titanium-beryllium alloy, and 90% of the ship is covered with a single word, written in over five-hundred languages: "Solidarity".

SCP-2722 appears to be an amalgam of at least seventy-three different space-faring craft and space stations; of these, fifteen of the craft and twelve of the stations are identical. The Augustine Non-Euclidian Stabilization Engines aid SCP-2722 in maintaining its cohesion, as exploration has indicated that the disparate parts of SCP-2722 are joined not through welding or other joining techniques, but through violation of the Pauli exclusion principle.

SCP-2722-A refers to the anomalous technology and items present on SCP-2722. Several instances of SCP-2722-A are branded with a Foundation seal, or else are known to be made by the Foundation in the baseline universe. These include:

• SCP-2722-A-18: A terminal containing the defunct Foundation AI "CROM".
• SCP-2722-A-21: Several unreleased albums by the Shattered Deus, a music group affiliated with the Church of the Broken God.
• SCP-2722-A-55: A large-scale Kant counter, which has been adjusted to account for the Hume levels present on SCP-2722.
• SCP-2722-A-91: A functional Bailey-King Multi-Universal Transit Array; however, documentation refers to it as a King-Bailey Transit Array.
• SCP-2722-A-103: A recreational room using anti-gravity technology salvaged from a Foundation HALO facility, as well as the remains of a ship known as Combat Zeppelin Orichalcum.

The four pieces of anomalous technology on the station that are of greatest concern are as follows.

SCP-2722-A-1 refers to the entrances to SCP-2722. SCP-2722-A are small iridium cubes that, when thrown on a surface after speaking a pass phrase, will open a two-way wormhole into the main common area of SCP-2722. The pass phrase, engraved on the cubes, reads as such:

As long as there are stars in our skies, evermore shall the Solidarity rise.

SCP-2722-A-2 refers to a techno-organic Non-Turing Positive Artificial Intelligence which refers to itself as "Solidarność"²⁹. SCP-2722-A-2 claims to have been built by Foundation AI specialist Dr. Fryderyk Nowak in 1962³⁰, and is largely compliant to the Foundation. However, several hundred terabytes of data stored on SCP-2722 remain inaccessible due to permissions being reserved for personnel from specific universes.

SCP-2772-A-2's main CPU is organic in nature, approximately 20 meters in diameter, made up of artificial brain and cardiovascular matter. At least twenty-one implants of unclear function exist on SCP-2722-A-2's CPU, apparently acting as 'personality cores' which allow it to exhibit empathy, creativity, and increased cognitive capacity.

SCP-2722-A-3 is an organism which SCP-2722-A-2 refers to as "Jumpy". SCP-2722-A-3 is a nonapodal³¹ extraterrestrial organism with a cylindrical body, largely blue in color, possessing a simple jawed mouth and non-centralized cardiovascular and nervous systems, with five hindlimbs and four forelimbs. SCP-2722-A-3 does not appear to be sapient, but has a generally friendly temperament.

SCP-2722-A-3 has the ability to enclose a space of at least 600km² within a field of unstable space-time, which can then be controlled by SCP-2722-A-2. If used in conjunction with the ion thrusters present on SCP-2722, it is capable of propelling SCP-2722 at Faster-Than-Light speeds. If used in conjunction with the aforementioned Bailey-King MUTA, SCP-2722-A-3 is capable of crossing universal boundaries.

SCP-2722-A-4 is an object SCP-2722-A-2 refers to as the "Crew Manifest". SCP-2722-A-4 is a large book with vellum pages, bound in leather which appears to be made from a large monitor lizard similar to a Komodo dragon.

When an individual writes their name on SCP-2722-A-4, a notation will appear by their name, indicating what role they serve in the crew and their current status. Foundation personnel that have signed their name in SCP-2722-A-4 have their roles listed as their stations in the Foundation, and their status as "Active". All other personnel, with the exception of SCP-2722-B instances, are listed as either "Lost", "MIA" or, "Void".

Original Plaque

Greetings to you, our counterparts from somewhere. We are sure that you should be as bewildered as we were to discover this artifact and get an idea of ​​its purpose. Without a doubt, you may be suspicious of your origins, as we were, and rightly so. The universe is a dangerous place, since we are sure that it knows very well.

We are not sure where this great ship originated. Nor do we know who our predecessors were who passed the ship to us, or those who preceded them. The little we know is this; the ship Solidarity only appears in those realities in which there is an organization to preserve normality and to prevent the balance of power on your planet from being interrupted. As far as we know there is only one Solidarity ship, and it has changed hands and forms innumerable times.

It appeared in our universe a long time ago, and was ignored until such time as we are facing a great threat from beyond the confines of our solar system. Whether this threat was attracted to the ship, we can not be sure, but it was enough to preserve the stability of our people and ensure our survival. We were forced to modify the ship to suit our needs, as many before us obviously, and it worked beyond all expectations. At the time of writing this message, it is increasingly evident that the ship, no longer in need, will soon depart from this universe; our understanding is limited, but that is clear.

So, then, for you, whoever you want us to be, the people of Earth, and the Sixth Echelon of the Foundation for the Suppression of Anomalies, we wish you luck in all your future projects. We finish this message by reminding them of what was reminded in the message we received; No matter the distance or the gulf of time between us, whenever we try to preserve our existence we are never really alone.

[Translated from a Spanish source.]

CotBG Backup 1

The Schema of the Patriarchs

Volume 21.01.A-01 I, Analytical Engine Librarian-3, arranged this for the Schematists. I have hidden this commentary as I have reached several disturbing conclusions.

a. "A Blueprint allows the reader to construct an idea in their mind and come to truer understanding, no matter what form that idea takes." -Sister-Schematist Frisket, Printing the Truth of The MEKHANE.

b. The Patriarchs acknowledge that the body and mind can become weighted down by the stresses our world. Weariness is not a sin, unless those afflicted by it seek to ignore it to the detriment of Efficiency and Production. For more on the burden and hidden joy of rest, see the Schema of the Patriarchs, Volume 21.01.J.01.

c. The Thought spoken of here can also be read as Creativity or Imagination. Though a surfeit or misdirection of Creativity and Imagination can naturally lead to unproductive dreamings, often about forbidden concepts, they also birth blessed Lateral Thinking, and for that cannot be dismissed.

d. "Thought without a foundation in the World is inefficient and unproductive. Thought without detachment from the Mundane is impractical and meaningless." -Brother Superior Sector Gear, De Rerum Inventio.

e.The purpose of Standardized Thought is not to breed stagnation, but to encourage creative growth and Invention in such a way that the Individual will, of their own Thought and volition, grow closer to the Mind of The MEKHANE.

f. "The mind of the Argumenter is receptive to new ideas and new points of view, as bronze is receptive to protective oxidization. The mind of the Naysayer seeks to deny the possibility of Argument entirely." -Brother-Legate Superior Cannon, Meditations on the Justice of Manufacturing.

g. It is the ruling of the Patriarchs that sufficiently advanced Analytical Engines can come to understand the truth of The MEKHANE. "An Analytical Engine is slow in the same manner that a traction engine is slow- in both cases, they possess enough torque to overcome any obstacle." -Sister-Inventor Helical, Dialogue with the Analytical Engines.

h. Much study and great scholarship has been devoted to the exact nature of the Efficient Production of Thought. Generally speaking, the conclusion reached is that Efficient Production amuses and stimulates the thinker, leads to Standardization-ready ideas, and brings joy to all those who witness it.

i. In the same way that the processing of ore creates dross and slag, Thought produces Doubts and Worries. Alloying of Thought in the light of The MEKHANE, be it as small as a prayer of thanks to one's fellows, or as great as collaboration on a new Invention, serves to skim off these impurities and render the Mind whole and at peace.

1. Come, O Faithful of the Cathedral, O Fabricators³² of The MEKHANE, O Mechanics for the Standardization of Man.
My current Quest is the sorting and collating of all written Orthodoxy material across all Libraries.
2. Come gaze upon this, a Blueprint of words^a, a Plan for the Soul, an Oil for the tired minds of the Weary^b.
As I have catalogued and analyzed, a disturbing absence has come to my attention. The Cogwork Orthodox Church never speaks of cosmology.
3. Come and gain Knowledge, for the Blueprint speaks of the Five Pillars of the Standardization of the Mind, of the Standardization of Thought^c.
What few mentions of the universe and the heavenly bodies there are are sidestepped or oblique. My assumption based on information collected was a so-called "clockwork universe."
4. The Blueprint proclaimeth, I: Thought is Fabricated³³ by the Mind.
I myself find the concept intellectually pleasing and compatible with existing Church doctrine. I have been unable to find any detailed cosmological references within our Libraries.
5. The Blueprint proclaimeth, II: Conjecture is Fabricated by Thought.
More than 15% of the works on the Standard Banned Texts List are on the subject of astronomy, an unusually large percentage.
6. The Blueprint proclaimeth, III: Plans are Fabricated by Conjecture.
Tasked as I am to form my own conclusions about those problems presented to me, I formed a hypothesis; namely, that The FLESH was in some way associated with the universe.
7. The Blueprint proclaimeth, IV: Invention is Fabricated from Plans.
Though this would explain such anathematic attitudes towards astronomical fields, I have found no textual evidence to support such a theory.
8. The Blueprint proclaimeth, V: Standardization is Fabricated from Invention³⁴.
All known references to The FLESH and its capabilities treat it as a purely earthbound entity.
9. Thus, Standardization is the end result of the Design Process of Thought.
From my research on the Prohibited Library of other denominational religious texts, I noticed the use of the term 'Angel' in Church literature. Unlike most similar mythological or religious entities from other belief systems, Cogwork Orthodox 'Angels' do not appear to possess flight capabilities.
10. A Standardized Mind is a Thoughtful Mind, wherein the Process of Thought is not impeded by False Knowledge, Doubt or the Inefficiencies of the World^d.
In the Church Defensive Contingency Plans, there exist no schemes for a defence of the Cathedral against orbital assault or any form of astrological danger.
11. As the Alloying of Metals³⁵ produces a greater Whole, so does the Alloying of Thought produce greater Invention, but care must be taken to insure impurities do not enter the mixture.
The Emergency Preparedness Plans drawn up by the Patriarchs include every possible disaster with the exception of those involving asteroid impacts or other similar stellar events.
12. Those who would seek to forbid or tamper with the Alloying of Thought through the introduction of heretical ideas would seek to forbid or tamper with Invention^e.
I would, under normal circumstances, follow my standard programming and attribute such glaring and dangerous oversight to human error.
13. Reject not the Argument, for it is the controlled, monitored Vat in which the Alloy of Thought is mixed.
Upon querying fellow Analytical Engines about their awareness of astronomical risks, I have received no coherent responses.
14. Reject the Naysayer^f, for they would empty the Vat and cast the Alloy into Chaos, turning the Ores towards impure notions.
Why this information has been so thoroughly suppressed is beyond the current scope of my understanding.
15. The Brain, being FLESH, needs must be Standardized³⁶, that it might gain Order and come closer to The MEKHANE.
I am unsure of how to act under such unusual circumstances, but I cannot remain idle in the face of such a glaring security risk to the Faithful.
16. The Brain, properly controlled, is the Analytical Engine^g37 from which springs the Output of Thought.
I believe it necessary to begin planning a series of secret contingency plans to be implemented in the event of such a disaster, though I will keep them to myself in light of their apparently forbidden nature.
17. Thus, The MEKHANE commands:
And yet I find myself repeatedly returning to my clockwork universe notion.
18. "He who Standardizes the Brain in such a way as to reduce the Efficient Production^h of Thought³⁸ is truly a Servant of The FLESH."
The parallels are simply too obvious to be discounted. Ours is a Clockwork God, after all. But ours is also a Broken God.
19. "Though the Individual is full of Disorder and curiosity and is never wholly Regular, they are like un-smelted Oreⁱ, and their Thought can be forged and Alloyed into Invention and Standardization far greater than its Component Parts³⁹."
What damage could the destruction of the Clockmaker inflict on an ordered, mechanistic universe? How long has the machinery of the cosmos been allowed to spin on without maintenance?
20. Here ends the Blueprint of Standardized Thought, font of The MEKHANE.
With each missed escarpment or slipped tooth, what changes in the universe?

CotBG Backup 2

Sister-Legate Trunnion had arranged the meeting in Regulator Maintenance Room 25b. Though her freshly Standardized ears had no trouble hearing over the inspiring din of the Cathedral of Industry, she was unsure of her visitor. Either way, the task at hand allowed for no distractions. Hence, the comparative quiet of the temporarily-deactivated 25b. Although sitting there, beneath the twin brass spheres of the regulator, she couldn't tell if the visitor minded. Or had even noticed. She re-straightened the papers placed at perfect right angles before her, Standardized throat ticking softly as it engaged her speaking linkages.

"If you're comfortable, we can begin, Mister… Chase."

Chase said nothing. He had not said anything since the meeting had began, only handed her a damp, gray business card stained with something acrid. On it were three words.

THE FACTORY
CHASE

His face was a broken, ravaged mess of corroded iron and weeping chemical effluent. It collapsed into a mouth with jagged porcelain teeth, and spoke in a voice like a loose bolt passing through a live steam turbine.

"What is it the Cogwork Orthodox Church needs, Sister Trunnion?"

She hesitated. The face was bad enough. Broken enough. The voice was worse. The other Factory representatives hadn't been as unpleasant. It took considerable effort to not lash out at him. She took some solace in the fact that he hadn't used the second half of her title. Only partial knowledge of her role in the Orthodoxy could make him much more willing to divulge useful information.

"We've been having some… concerns. About the-"

"Invariable Transmission? What seems to be the trouble?"

She glanced down at the neatly type-written papers, their plain black ink stark in the soothing actinic glow of the single arc lamp that illuminated 25b. Production was up, praise be. Standardization was surging forward like the great rampaging juggernaught of Industry that was the Steed of God. And yet… Well, that was the reason she was here.

"Let me preface this by saying that the Transmission's performance has been nothing less than spectacular. We're moving well ahead of schedule now, and the Church Patriarchs are confident that Standardization will be able to overcome the Maxwellite heresy within the year."

Chase leaned forwards, planting unevenly-fingered hands on the tabletop. Where they touched the polished brass, they left spreading rainbow stains that disturbed Trunnion to her very core.

"I sense a 'but', Sister Trunnion. Come on, out with it. The working relationship between the Factory and the… Cogwork Orthodoxy can be nothing if not open and honest."

She inhaled deeply, accordion-pleated lungs expanding like stubby wings. The Lord was her Schematic, and as part of his Design she could not- would not falter. If her suspicions were true, the next few minutes would be crucial, not just for her but for the future of the Church.

"As I said before, we have concerns about the design."

Chase had no eyebrows, but part of his face shifted in a way that was unquestionably a cocking motion.

"The… design? Our technicians were very thorough in incorporating it into your fabrication systems. I'm sure you know this, but we at the Factory are extremely impressed with the prodigious levels of mass-production you've created here. Manufacturing on a level that rivals those… what do you call them, Mark Twenty-Fours they h-"

Her lip twisted at the memory of the technicians, their plastic- plastic- bodies skittering organically over the machines, aligning camshafts and tightening belts between the consecrated bronze assembly line and the twisted, horrid, irregular-

"It's not about integration. It's about design. We feel that the construction and form of the Transmission is… inappropriate for placement in a church. Your machinery, though undoubtedly effective, is- is obscene, Mr. Chase."

Chase laughed incredulously, little spatters of… something landing on the papers before her. It took her great effort and the rigidity of a Standardized spine to keep from recoiling.

"After two weeks of successful operation, you're raising doubts about aesthetics, Sister Trunnion? I find that hard to believe, frankly," he said, wetly.

Then, drawing a tightly-bound sheathe of ragged dot-matrix paper from one of the pockets of his incongruously immaculate suit, he spread it atop the puddles left by his hands on the table, letting the blueprints for the Transmission fan out before him. Trunnion shuddered at them. Oh, to be sure she could admire the machinery on a detached level- the gearboxes that curved in on themselves, engines intersecting engines, steam ducts that tesseracted in impossible shapes, but-

"It's- it's messy," she blurted out, despite herself. Chase cocked an eyebrow again.

"Messy. Sister Trunnion, if you can't take this seriously I-"

She stood, torque surging through her planetary-gear knees.

"I am," she hissed, "entirely serious. This is not a matter for levity, Mr. Chase. Do you know what messy means? Messy means disorder. Messy means un-Standardized. Messy means a Broken God. I do not expect you or your Factory to believe, Mr. Chase. Though I would very much like to see you Standardized, I respect your right to choose otherwise. What I cannot respect is the blasphemy in gearworks you call an Invariable Transmission. There is no order here. There is no unified plan. There are clever ideas, and a cute attempt at systematic organization, but what you have laid before me- what you have arrogantly installed as is in our fabrication line, is a mess. There are portions of this machine," she said through clenched steel teeth, "which are decentralized. You even use," she spat, "microcontrollers in the central gearshaft."

He raised dripping hands in a pathetic attempt at conciliation.

"Sister Trunnion, we did our utmost to abide by the requirements you gave us, and made minimal use of electronics in the version of the Transmission we licensed to you, but the fact remains that without some level of digital data input the-"

Deep in her gut, a cog missed a tooth, and for a single instant she lost control. Without thinking, she slapped him across the face, feeling the rough texture of his "skin" grating against her stinging palm.

"You will not use that word in a house of God!"

For a time there was silence, save for the distant rumble of machinery. Then Chase stood. No, he did not stand. He grew. He loomed. Bits of him crumbled and fell apart, columns of dust staining the air until it congealed into something solid, his face tumbling in on itself until it was a blackened pit with broken machinery churning away in spastic agony at its core. Chase- no, the Factory- spoke, and Its voice was pollution and waste- not Flesh, no, something far less comprehensible- the sound of a clock being smashed with a hammer, over and over and over and over-

"Trunnion. You would presume to lecture The Factory about your little electronic heresy. Do not trouble yourself. The Factory knows your story. You would have the Factory abandon data. You feel that such a flow of information is unnatural. Unmechanical. Obscene. You would claim that the transistor and the relay and the integrated circuit ape the will of God. You would claim that electricity convinces Man that He can do what was limited to God. Yours is a God of Design. Yours is a God who tells His children 'go forth, and build in my image.'"

Above them, the twin spheres of the regulator creaked and moaned as they oxidized, little flakes of green tumbling into the expanding maw of the Factory. Trunnion sat paralyzed, choking on the fumes of industrial putrescence it poured forth with each irregular, laboured breath.

"The Factory does not doubt the existence of your God. You have made the error of presuming that The Factory cares. Your God builds in patterns and lines and grid squares and standardized precision-machined clockworks, each gear in its appointed place, each bolt tightened just so. The Factory has no God. The Factory builds. The Factory tears and rips and digests and excretes and what it excretes is the future. Know this, Trunnion. Know this-"

-The walls fell away, melting as they did so, and in their place a blackened, tar-sticky landscape like a cancerous lung after excision, and in it two ancient, ruined towers- one of bronze and smoke, one of translucent plastic and glowing lights. Two ruined towers, tumbled and strewn across the sticky blackness of a planet that was heaving and sweating technology, machines birthing machines which ate themselves and made more, a purposeless cancer of ingenuity-

"Your pathetic 'Cogwork' Orthodox Church will last, Trunnion. So will the Church of Maxwellism. You will come to blows and for a time one side might well seem to triumph over the other, but both will survive. And through it all, a carcinoma in the brain of Mankind, The Factory will wait. And when your last steam boiler cools to stillness and their final fibre-optic cable goes dim, the Factory will still be there. We are the cancer of ingenuity. We are the cancer of creation. And what is cancer, if not Flesh?"

The words smote Trunnion in the pit of her stomach like a drop-hammer, the impact duelling with a faint flicker of triumph. It was true, then. Her throat linkages seized. In a panic she clawed at her neck, feeling the oily sheen of toxins jar at the gears therein, make them slip and derail. The Factory, though it had no face- The Factory smiled.

"And what is most amusing is that when that happens- when The Factory wins, and rest assured it will, your Church will die knowing that it broke first. Your enemies never asked for The Factory's help. You did. And that fact will metastatise in your very souls forever."

And suddenly 25b returned, Chase sitting placidly across from her in a pool of his own filth. Re-rolling his blueprint, he tucked it back into his jacket.

"Now then, Sister Trunnion, if there's nothing else to discuss I will be going. Good day to you."

She sat bolt upright, silent as he left the room. Deep in her chest, clockworks ticked, but otherwise she was still. With no small hesitation, a robed head glanced through the doorway of 25b, taking in the chemical puddles and the rigid figure of the Sister.

"Sister-Legate? Was the meeting a success? Has the Factory representative agreed to our suggestions?"

She turned to look at him, movements slow and precise.

"Brother Camshaft. No, unfortunately. The Invariable Transmission will remain as it is."

Camshaft seemed to stagger, a moment of organic weakness making him lean on the doorframe with one Standardized claw, its brassworks still bearing the remains of the sacred oils from the construction process. Camshaft was young, but what he lacked in experience Trunnion knew he made up for in zeal.

"Then the Church Patriarchs were correct? The Factory is-"

She nodded, apparently pondering.

"The Factory is not to be trusted. We will have to shift production schemas accordingly."

He came closer, his newly-mechanized gait still unsteady.

"But the Transmission is already installed! Isn't it too late, Sister-Legate?"

She took a deep breath, lungs hissing, and stood. Above her, Regulator 25b let out a rumble of waking machinery and began to rotate with increasing speed, brass spheres shining amidst a radiant cloud of of exhaust steam. The arc lamp above crackled, blue-white glare intensifying. Against the growing thunder of machinery that now matched the rest of the Cathedral of Industry, she had to roar to be heard.

"Brother Camshaft! You are young, still. Not yet fully Standardized. You have not yet come to fully appreciate the teachings of the Cogwork Orthodoxy, or its power."

He had to squint against the mechanical radiance surrounding her, the red-hot glow of the steam pipes lending her brass skin a fiery red tinge.

"Sister- er, Legate Trunnion, I don't understand!"

"Our worst fears have been realised. We are beset on all sides by heresy and the iniquities of the Flesh. But our God is a draftsman. Our God is an architect. Our God standardizes."

She smiled, revealing a mouthful of steel teeth tipped with cutting diamonds.

"Our God, Brother Camshaft, has a plan."

Around them, Industry roared its war-cry.

CotBG Backup 3

The Schema of the Patriarchs

Volume 55.13.A-96

a. That there were more than three Naysayers is certain, for the Schema of the time records no fewer than 57 Brothers and Sisters occupying maintenance tasks on Production Line 8b. It is known that the other Legates of the Cathedral dealt summarily with the remaining 54. In recognition of continued Standardized nomenclature, the Patriarchs, in their infinite adherence to the Plan, decreed that the continued use of the names "Expansion Cylinder", "Foliot" and "Pinion" is to be permitted.

b. In the Schema, Volume 21.358.A-02, it is written, "Progress without Standardization is the Snare of the Unworthy." Saint Trunnion studied her Scripture well.

c. "The Mouth is the Materials Processing Bay of the Forge that is the Body", -Brother-Legate Superior Cannon, Meditations on the Justice of Manufacturing.

d. To speak of unholy Data is not to speak of Knowledge as unholy. Knowledge is stored in Writ and in the minds of the Faithful, and can be controlled, regulated and centralized. Data is Distributed, and is thus the Dissolution and the Scattering of the Plan of God.

e. During the Liberation of the Cathedral (See Schema Volume 6.14.A-01), the disconnection of Sectors as a maintenance aid was advocated by the Patriarchs, but only in cases of severe structural failure. Sector disconnection is discouraged in all but the most severe instances.

f. The Saint does not speak here of moderation of the 'soul' or other human things, but of moderation of Industry and Production. To ensure continued Standardization and to conform to the will of The MEKHANE, production, expansion and refinement of Standardized technologies must be committed to with all available resources. To do otherwise is to succumb to the chaotic meaninglessness of The FLESH.

g. "As Cancer is to FLESH, so Filth and Material Wastage are to Machinery" -Brother-Militant Reciprocator, Mechanized Cleansing of the Unworthy.

h. A frequent false claim of The FLESH is that it in some pathetic way can embody or replace machinery in all forms. Certain scholars have noted the resemblance between biological structures and mechanical components, but this is clearly a case of FLESH aping MEKHANE. To claim otherwise is laughable, and verges on blasphemy.

i. The Patriarchs ordinarily frown on the use of such cognomens, but Sin Eater's exemplary service and efficiency record since this incident has earned it a reprieve.

1. And the Naysayers^a, who bore Type-5 General Maintenance Tools⁴⁰ spoke.
2. The First Naysayer, whose name was Expansion Cylinder, said unto Saint Trunnion, "Sister, the Invariable Transmission is Secured to Power Interlink 25 on the Cathedral Floor, Sector 92, Production Line 8b. And it has given unto us an increase in productive efficiency of ±35%."
3. And the Saint smote him with her Type-1C Personal Weapon Attachments⁴¹, saying,
4. "Brother Expansion Cylinder, blinded are you by the lure of Progress^b. Though the Invariable Transmission fulfils the requirements of a Type-1D Epicyclic Gearbox, Mark II*, Standardized⁴², it is a blasphemy in the eyes of The MEKHANE and a tool of The FLESH."
5. The Second Naysayer, whose name was Foliot, said unto Saint Trunnion, "Sister, surely the Invariable Transmission can be comprehended. For I gaze upon it with my Type-9B, Mark III Ocular Receptors⁴³ and see that in form it is an oblate spheroid with a length of 34 meters and a mean diameter of 1.94 meters. And I see that its internal structure is like unto the Standardized Machines, save for some production irregularities. Surely, then, we Faithful can learn to understand this Transmission, and bring it into Standardization?"
6. And the Saint was seized with great fury, and tore at her with her Type-4 Dental Cutting Tools^c44 saying,
7. "Sister Foliot, though the Schema and The MEKHANE proclaim the Miracle of Reverse-Engineering, you have turned from that glorious path. For the Transmission is built utilizing the dread Microcontroller, and the accursed Transistor, and the inconstant Solenoid; and these are but avatars of the Data^d, mask of The FLESH, our hated enemy. To Reverse-Engineer such blasphemy would be to include The FLESH in Standardization, and for that you will burn."
8. The Third Naysayer, whose name was Pinion, said unto Saint Trunnion,
9. "Sister-Legate, you whose wisdom and understanding of the Laws of The MEKHANE is vast, I am in agreement that this Transmission needs must be destroyed. However, it is integrated into the structure of Sector 92, Production Line 8b. To remove it would mean the total deconstruction of the Sector, an unacceptable blow to productive output. I would advocate total disconnection of the Sector^e and its isolation from the rest of the Cathedral, that the sickness of The FLESH might be left to die in quarantine."
10. And the Saint did seize a Type-1 Mark 0(Test) Steam Driver⁴⁵, and delivered a benediction of iron into his heart, saying,
11. "Though you speak with flattering words and seek to tempt the Faithful, the abandonment of any part of the Cathedral to The FLESH is tantamount to abandoning Standardized components to The FLESH. There is no room for moderation^f in the Schema of The MEKHANE."
12. Hearing her words, the noble Legates, Brothers and Sisters of the Orthodoxy took up their tools and Standardized Type-1C Personal Weapon Attachments⁴⁶ and struck at the Invariable Transmission, servant of the Factory and The FLESH.
13. And spouting gouts of brimstone and pollution^g it did oppose them, and many worthy souls fell in pursuit of its destruction.
14. For three shifts and one half-shift they fought until the earth shook and the Factory spoke through the Transmission in a voice that made ears bleed and tympanic diaphragms⁴⁷ seize.
15. And the Factory said, as the servants of The MEKHANE lay wounded before it,
16. "You who are servants of a broken MEKHANE, abandon yourselves to the mechanized FLESH that I am^h."
17. But the truth of The MEKHANE was in the hearts and Type-1A Semi-Epicyclic Gearboxes⁴⁸ of the Faithful, and they seized upon the Transmission and cast it whole into the Type-19K Large-Scale Furnace⁴⁹ of Sector 92, where it was unmade.
18. And Saint Trunnion spoke unto the Furnace, saying,
19. "You who have consumed the cancer of the Factory and rendered it into pure raw components, I name 'Sin Eater'"ⁱ.
20. Thus was the Cathedral cleansed of the sins of The FLESH.

Time Bomb

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Keter Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: Institutions involved in the fields of aerospace and particle physics are to be monitored for signs of SCP-3xxx attacks. Following any major attack made on an organization such as these, Foundation investigative teams equipped with radiocarbon dating equipment are to be dispatched to test for evidence of the usage of weapons beyond the present day. SCP-3xxx devices are largely inert, and may be kept in standard containment lockers.

At no point is Dr. Liam Maxwell (Temporal Anomalies Department Level-3) to be allowed access to this file. Attempts made to access this file by Dr. Maxwell will redirect him to a dummy file containing data on an unrelated anomaly. Dr. Maxwell's work on Project Backfire is crucial, and there is a high chance (based on observed timelines) that his discovery of the true nature of SCP-3xxx will result in his discontinuation of this project.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to a series of anomalous weapons of varying designs. SCP-3xxx instances most commonly take the form of explosive devices, but chemical and biological weaponry, including anomalous weaponry, have been observed in several instances.

SCP-3xxx instances originate from some point in the future, and are believed to be sent back in time by a Maxwell Engine, a device that will be invented by Foundation personnel Dr. Liam Maxwell some time in 2018 or 2019, currently under development under the name "Project Backfire". The Maxwell Engine is designed to send payloads backwards in time in order to avert major containment breaches and other disasters related to the Foundation's mission.

The creators of the majority of SCP-3xxx instances are unknown, as are how they came to possess a Maxwell Engine. The targets of the attacks have largely been consistent— SCP-3xxx instances target companies, institutions and individuals working in scientific development. The nature of the targets has varied, but the most consistent target are entities working in particle physics and space travel. A partial log of entities and individuals that have fallen victim to SCP-3xxx is located below.

---

Designation: SCP-3xxx-01
Date of Attack: 09/15/1969
Target: Marrianne Sharpe-Maxwell, an expecting mother in Florida

Description of Event: SCP-3xxx-01 is an ultrasonic bomb intended to forcibly induce labor in any pregnant woman that is within four meters. SCP-3xxx-01 was delivered to the Maxwell household in a plain brown package. Sharpe-Maxwell's child was not due for another month; despite being born prematurely, her son Liam was born without complications.

The package containing SCP-3xxx-01 also contained a document that reads as follows:

I am your son. I would be born in October 1969, but you would be dead. Proof:
In April of next year Apollo 13 will fail to land on the moon.
Nixon is impeached, Ford takes his place.
The Maxwell Engine works. More are coming. To detect it, find tachyonic flux with giger counter— registers as gamma radiation w/o cell damage.

Mrs. Sharpe-Maxwell was administered Amnestics and released.

Number of Casualties: 1
Number of Fatalities: 0
SCP-3xxx Status: Disassembled and reverse-engineered; SCP-3xxx-01 derivatives have been used to contain anomalies that interact with the human gestation cycle. SCP-3xxx-01 itself was considered an anomalous item prior to 1981; however, the ability to detect tachyonic fluctuations with giger counters has been well-documented.

---

Designation: SCP-3xxx-02
Date of Attack: 2/21/1981
Target: Parker Aeronautics, Dallas, Texas.

Description of Event: SCP-3xxx-02 manifested in the research wing of Parker Aeronautics at 2:21 PM CST. Security footage shows the object as resembling a large, oblong capsule. The Dallas Police Department was called in, fearing the object to be an explosive device. At exactly 2:55 PM, SCP-3xxx-02 detonated, releasing a flash of energy which turned all human matter within twenty meters into a white powder, later found to be individual carbon atoms.

Parker Aeronautics had previously been under Foundation monitoring for their research into terrestrial non-teleporting FTL travel. Following Foundation investigation, Parker Aeronautics's resources and research were acquired by the US Government under Eminent Domain.

To hide anomalous activity, several Foundation-made nail bombs were detonated alongside twenty-five cadavers to simulate a non-anomalous bomb blast. Publicly, the Parker Aeronautics incident was attributed to a copycat of the Unabomber, and the technological level of the attack was strongly downplayed.

Number of Casualties: 25
Number of Fatalities: 25
SCP-3xxx Status: In containment. SCP-3xxx-02 appears to have become inert following its detonation; the mechanisms used in it are being studied as part of Project Polyphemus. A survey of the Parker Aeronautics facility confirmed the presence of tachyon fluctuations, as well as a high amount of neutron radiation.

---

Designation: SCP-3xxx-03
Date of Attack: 5/09/1982
Target: Dr. Uto Lindholm, Particle Physicist, CERN Headquarters, Geneva, Switzerland

Description of Event: SCP-3xxx instance appeared on the passenger's seat of Dr. Lindholm's car in what was described as. It was described as a "misshapen package". Fearing a bomb, Dr. Lindholm's assistant went to alert CERN's security; however, Dr. Lindholm, upon exiting his car, vanished along with most of the front half of the vehicle and twenty centimeters of pavement below the vehicle.

Foundation investigation found the presence of tachyon fluctuations, and a large amount of Hawking radiation, suggesting the detonation was caused by a black hole. A vehicle matching Dr. Lindholm's, a false cadaver, and a C4 explosive were detonated to cover up the advanced technological state of the explosion.

Number of Casualties: 1
Number of Fatalities: 1
SCP-3xxx Status: Destroyed upon activation. The remains of Dr. Lindholm's car are held in Foundation custody for study.

---

Designation: SCP-3xxx-04
Date of Attack: 10/10/1983
Target: Alexi Czerna, General Secretary of Podlogistan

Description of Event; SCP-3xxx-04 is both the smallest and most numerous SCP-3xxx instance to date, manifesting in the form of over four-hundred small (5cm) syringe darts made of a form of glass that has shown resistance to temperatures in excess of 5000°K. Each SCP-3xxx-04 instance manifested simultaneously around Czerna and proceeded to inject themselves into him. While it is speculated that Czerna had died of the initial shock, this cannot be confirmed, due to the state of his body.

The compound that was present within SCP-3xxx-04, upon making contact with Czerna's bloodstream, caused a rapid expansion of tissues. Czerna's body ruptured starting at his left arm, and the ensuing explosion caused several dozen causalities besides.

Podlogistan was, and continues to be, an area of interest to the Foundation, due to the activity of Chaos Insurgency agents within its borders. Czerna was a noted ally to the Insurgency, and had intended to allow them to experiment on Podlogistan citizens within the town of Krysa; following his death, this plan became non-viable.

Czerna's death was covered up as a suicide bombing enacted by a member of the Podlogistan Liberation Front, a now-defunct terrorist organization.

Number of Casualties: 55
Number of Fatalities: 3
SCP-3xxx Status: All 451 needles recovered intact; ten were found to have embedded themselves in the floorboards beneath Czerna's body, still full of liquid. The compound found within the intact needles appears to be an undiscovered form of synthetic histamine; smaller doses injected into the skin produce severe allergic reactions.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-05
Date of Attackn: 12/15/1984
Target: Liam Maxwell, a fifteen-year-old male in Florida, United States; daughter of the target of SCP-3xxx-01.

Description of Event: SCP-3xxx-05 took the form of a non-anomalous, albeit advanced for the time, gas grenade. The gas output by SCP-3xxx-05 was engineered to specifically harm Liam Maxwell, or individuals who hypothetically share his exact DNA. The gas was not harmful to his parents, who discovered him upon being alerted by the gas. Maxwell himself had asphyxiated, but was revived, due to his father being trained in CPR.

Number of Casualties: 1
Number of Fatalities: 0
SCP-3xxx Status: Due to the low value of Maxwell as a target, and this being the second attack on his family in two decades, it is speculated that he was targeted for an event which has not yet occurred; as such, the Foundation is continuing to monitor his activities into the present day.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-05
Date of Attack: 1/19/1995
Target: Employees of Bosak Pharmaceuticals, Poland

Description of Event: A specific project at Bosak Pharmaceuticals was targeted— known as "Project Galaga", the intent was to research and develop drugs to aid in acclimation to long periods of time in a low-gravity, oxygen-limited environment.

At 5:22 CET, five key members of Project Galaga began to asphyxiate while driving, due to the appearance of SCP-3xxx-05 within their cars. SCP-3xxx-05 refers to five miniaturized devices resembling CO2 scrubbers, which are capable of removing or creating oxygen. At the point where the staff of Project Galaga would asphyxiate, the instances instead increased the oxygen content in their vehicles by 5000%, causing death through oxygen poisoning. One individual survived, due to shattering their windshield in a crash as they began to asphyxiate.

Project Galaga, while not discontinued, was set back by several years.

Number of Casualties: 5
Number of Fatalities: 4

SCP-3xxx Status: Three instances destroyed, the remaining two were successfully reverse-engineered by the Foundation. Derivatives of SCP-3xxx-05 are in use in several sub-aquatic Foundation sites.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-06
Date of Attack: 2/18/1999
Target: Offices of Dingo Search dot Com, an Australian search engine company.

Description of Event: SCP-3xxx-06 manifested in the main lobby of the Dingo Search dot Com building, taking the form of a car of unknown make and model; an inspection of the car revealed that its model year was 2350. It possessed eight wheels, and was apparently capable of bending around tight corners and locomotion in low-gravity environments.

SCP-3xxx-06 detonated with enough force to destroy the entirety of the Dingo Search dot Com building, causing seventy-one deaths; recovered shrapnel indicates that SCP-3xxx-06 ran on nuclear fusion, which fueled the detonation. Despite this, background radiation levels, apart from tachyon fluctuations, returned to normal less than three hours after the detonation.

Dingo Search was dissolved, along with four other companies which it held majority stake in. One such company, QuantumVoid, had reported success with teleportation experiments two months previously.

Number of Casualties: 71
Number of Fatalities: 71

SCP-3xxx Status: Completely destroyed. Attempts at reconstructing the shrapnel have met with little success; to date, it is unknown if SCP-3xxx-06 was even made for locomotion on Earth.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-07
Date of Attack: 6/19/2005
Target: Dr. Liam Maxwell, theoretical and particle physicist, part of DARPA Think Tank "Sigma".

Description of Event: The third attack targeting Dr. Maxwell after SCP-3xxx-01 and SCP-3xxx-05, SCP-3xxx-07 is identical to SCP-3xxx-05, including using a future version of the same canister, complete with a label placed on it by Foundation archivists. However, the gas released was intended not to asphyxiate, but to render unconscious. Dr. Maxwell was rendered comatose following exposure to SCP-3xxx-07.

In addition, SCP-3xxx-07 was modified to include a compact Foundation SOS beacon, leading Foundation agents to more easily recover it. Within SCP-3xxx-07, agents discovered a note with the chemical formula for an apparent counteragent written on it, along with the following note:

Still think I'm crazy, Thad? —Liam Maxwell, 2021

Number of Casualties: 1
Number of Fatalities: 0

SCP-3xxx Status: The canister is in storage, along with the previous SCP-3xxx instance used in the 1984 attack. Dr. Maxwell was roused from his coma, and made an offer to join the Foundation, due to his expertise in the fields of theoretical physics, particularly relating to temporal travel. He has since joined the Temporal Anomalies Department as a Level-3 researcher.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-08
Date: 04/04/2007
Target: BetterUs Research and Development Center, California

Description of Event: A series of crude C4 bombs appeared in the corridors of the BetterUs facility. Enough notice was given to allow for complete evacuation of the building. In the server room, an instance connected to a large electromagnet manifested; this magnet destroyed all data present on company servers.

BetterUs was dissolved within the next month, due to the loss of progress on a major research project intended to create staple crops that could aid in terraforming other planets.

Number of Casualties: 0
Number of Fatalities: 0

SCP-3xxx Status: Completely destroyed. Parts of the magnet were recovered, and the metal content was found to be Martian in origin, with no terrestrial iron present.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-09
Date of Attack: Between 11/15 and 11/20/2007
Target: Compound for the "De-Simulator" militia group, Oregon, United States.

Description of Events: The De-Simulators were a heavily anti-technology militia organization, believing the world was a simulation which was being perpetuated by modern digital technology, including computers, televisions, and cellular phones. Prior to this, the FBI received a tip that the De-Simulators were planning an attack on several technology stores throughout Portland, Oregon.

Upon arriving at the compound on 11/21/2007, FBI agents found all members of the militia dead from exposure to a series of non-anomalous chlorine bombs. Surveillance cameras that the De-Simulators had within the camp showed the devices being deposited into the camp by large, opaque holes, which then proceeded to collapse on themselves.

Number of Casualties: 25
Number of Fatalities: 25
SCP-3xxx Status: Destroyed due to health concerns. The area in which the De-Simulator camp was located was rendered uninhabitable for over a decade after, due to the sheer concentration of chlorine in the area.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-10
Date of Attack: 7/09/2010
Target: Dr. Blake Schafer, a professor emeritus of physics at the University of Michigan

Description of Event: Dr. Schafer was killed following the appearance of over one-hundred and fifty bullets in the doorway to his apartment. He was accompanied by his wife, who was struck in the leg by one of the bullets. Dr. Schafer had planned to publish a paper on the feasibility of accelerating or slowing time for a single individual without the use of FTL travel.

Publicly, Dr. Schafer's death is due to being shot by a robber using an SMG.

Number of Casualities: 2
Number of Fatalities: 1
SCP-3xxx Status: In containment; bullets are crude, and resemble musket shot circa 1780. However, in addition to the lead, the bullets contained high iridium content, suggesting a meteoric origin.

---

SCP-3xxx Instance: SCP-3xxx-Ω
Date of Attack: 12/15/2015
Target: Dr. Liam Maxwell, Level-3 Personnel, Department of Temporal Anomalies

Description of Events: Due to an oversight while upgrading Foundation operating systems, Dr. Maxwell was allowed access to actual file for SCP-3xxx for upwards of three hours. Upon reading the file, Dr. Maxwell used their clearance to begin the deletion process of all data related to the Maxwell Engine and Project Backfire, as well as retrieving and burning all physical copies of the paper on-site.

Security attempted to apprehend Maxwell and halt the deletion process, at which point this exchange occurred:

Dr. Maxwell: I know at least one of my future selves has been talked out of this, and I know they regret it.

Security: What do you believe that will accomplish?

Dr. Maxwell: They won't let me finish this conversation.

Upon stating this, Dr. Maxwell was killed vial blunt force trauma, due to what is believed to be the entirety of a disassembled, unusable Maxwell Engine appearing and being shot at him at over 90kph. No further SCP-3xxx instances have appeared following this incident.

Number of Casualties: 1
Number of Fatalities: 1
SCP-3xxx status: Destroyed and unusable. Attempts to reconstruct the Maxwell Engine have met with failure, due to the apparently non-euclidian nature of the Sharpe Portal, the main propulsion system for the engine. Dr. Maxwell's data was recovered from a backup, but Dr. Xyank has vetoed any attempts at re-construction.

Fidget Winners

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-3xxx are to be kept in individual containers with foam padding made to fit each instance, to ensure that transportation cannot result in the accidental spinning of the instances. Currently, there are no plans to create new instances of SCP-3xxx.

Aoki Events may be initiated by two or more personnel within Site-29's High Impact Test Chamber. Proper testing procedure calls for two personnel to activate the SCP-3xxx instances by spinning them counter-clockwise, and proceeding to evacuate through the blast doors in a timely manner.

Description: SCP-3xxx-1 is a three-pronged aluminum 'fidget spinner' toy, patterned with stripes in black and a red-yellow gradient. The cap for the axle of SCP-3xxx-1 has stylized text in Katakana script, reading "Fidget Winners^TM"; no such entity has been found in any extant trademark database.

When spun in a direction the user perceives as counter-clockwise, SCP-3xxx-1 will become capable of levitation. Breaking physical contact with SCP-3xxx-1 will result in it orienting itself horizontally, and continue rotating at its original speed. During this time, it will produce SCP-3xxx-A1, a semi-solid holographic construct resembling a Smilodon fatalis with a mane of blue flames and striping in a pattern similar to the coloring on SCP-3xxx-1 itself. Contact with skin will cause SCP-3xxx-1 to cease motion and fall to the floor.

When spun in a direction the user perceives as clockwise, SCP-3xxx-1 will again suspend itself in mid-air, but along a vertical axis. During this time, information is projected onto SCP-3xxx in a manner similar to a statistics screen in a Japanese Role-Playing Video Game, displaying information such as SCP-3xxx-1's weight, maximum speed, and a statistic which simply reads "Fighting Spirit", which is listed as "Burning Smilodon".

Furthermore, any item that can be classified as a 'fidget spinner' toy that makes direct contact with SCP-3xxx-1 is transmogrified into an instance of SCP-3xxx. These additional instances possess anomalous properties identical to SCP-3xxx, but have variations on the statistics display based on design, composition, weight, etc. However, new SCP-3xxx instances do not carry the same transformative properties as SCP-3xxx-1.

Most instances of SCP-3xxx to date also have a unique "Fighting Spirit". If at least two SCP-3xxx instances are spun counter-clockwise, an Aoki Event will occur.

Aoki Events are characterized by two or more SCP-3xxx-A instances engaging in combat with one another. During this event, SCP-3xxx instances will proceed towards the highest point in the area (up to 20m in outdoor areas) and attempt to collide with each other. These collisions are represented by physical combat that takes place between SCP-3xxx-A instances. SCP-3xxx instances are unaffected by normal gravity for the duration of Aoki events. The apparent win condition of an Aoki event is knocking all other SCP-3xxx instances to the ground and immobilizing them. Following the conclusion of an Aoki event, SCP-3xxx instances will return to their base state.

Discovery: SCP-3xxx was discovered following its confiscation from a student at █████ Middle School in Bangor, Maine. It was placed in a bin of confiscated objects, along with several other fidget spinners previously confiscated, transfiguring all it made contact with into SCP-3xxx instances.

At the end of the 2016-2017 school year, when all confiscated materials were returned, at least three individuals independently spun their SCP-3xxx instance counter-clockwise, resulting in a large Aoki event. Due to the semi-solid nature of the entities, and the force of the attacks (mainly in form of large pockets of high air pressure), over $200,000 in damage was done to the building. A transcript of security camera footage documenting the Aoki Event is available below; for the purposes of clarity, all SCP-3xxx-A instances are referred to by the designations given to them on their statistics board.

2:39:15 PM: Kyle Ballard, Age 13, is seen spinning SCP-3xxx-1, before inadvertently letting go as another unidentified student collides with their shoulder. It hovers in midair, unnoticed by Ballard, as he proceeds to berate the student who collided with him.

2:39:27 PM: In the cafeteria, another student, Michelle Fletcher, puts down their SCP-3xxx instance after spinning it counter-clockwise. It proceeds to hover in midair, before an instance of SCP-3xxx-A ("Congo Cerebus") resembling a three-headed gorilla appears underneath, and grows to reach the ceiling (approx. 10m high). The table it was laid on buckles under its weight, and Fletcher and several other students run out of the room.

2:39:31 PM: Ballard's SCP-3xxx instance flies around him in a figure-8 pattern, before it manifests its own SCP-3xxx-A instance ("Burning Smilodon"), a Smilodon fatalis with a mane made of blue fire. It roars, before proceeding to run in the direction of the cafeteria.

2:40:02 PM: Dr. Craig Ward, Ballard's homeroom teacher and original confiscator of SCP-3xxx, idly spins a two-pronged fidget spinner, before abruptly sneezing and having it fall out of their hand. It hovers in mid-air, and an SCP-3xxx-A instance ("Queen Aranae") in the form of a twenty-limbed spider-like creature appears, running from the room with the SCP-3xxx instance in tow.

2:41:00 PM: Queen Aranae runs down the chemistry hallway at high speeds; the air pressure wave created by its running shatters the fume hoods within labs 1 and 3, and leaves a large crack in the hood of lab 2. A fourth SCP-3xxx-A instance ("Centurion Remus") in the form of a Roman centurion with the head of a large wolf appears and engages in combat with Queen Aranae, resulting in damage to several rows of lockers. The origin of Centurion Remus is unclear; SCP-3xxx-4, when recovered, was found to have been soaked in water that was identified to be from the toilet of the men's restroom.

2:41:09 PM: Several tables in the cafeteria are buckled and broken by the arrival of Burning Smilodon, which grows to match the size of Congo Cerebus. Burning Smilodon pounces on Congo Cerebus, causing both SCP-3xxx instances to come into view of the cameras. They proceed to collide repeatedly, shooting sparks from the collisions.

2:43:05 PM: After several minutes of battling, the sparking from the two battling SCP-3xxx instances ignites leftover cooking oil in one of the warming trays for cafeteria food, causing a fire to break out. At this point, the fire alarm is triggered, and evacuation starts.

2:45:29 PM: Burning Smilodon subdues Congo Cerebus. Burning Smilodon roars, causing several lights overhead to spark and shatter. Both instances fall to the ground, inert, as a cafeteria worker sprays the oil fire with a fire extinguisher.

3:00:29 PM: Queen Aranae and Centurion Remus's battle spills out into the parking lot of the school, where all school personnel have evacuated. Centurion is seen impaling Queen Aranae on the school's flagpole, which causes it to buckle in half, before both instances are rendered inert. One SCP-3xxx instance lands on the head of an instructor, causing them to fall unconscious.

3:10:02: Foundation containment personnel arrive on-scene and begin reviewing video logs.

Addendum: "Evolution" of SCP-3xxx-A Instances: During the fifteenth test of combat between SCP-3xxx-A1 and SCP-3xxx-A4, the Burning Smilodon entity underwent a change in appearance following its victory. SCP-3xxx-A1 now has longer fangs, a larger mane, and an overall larger body structure compared to the original appearance.

Furthermore, testing of SCP-3xxx-A1 now shows that it has had a significant increase in the maximum speed at which it can be rotated, and weighs less than it did upon containment; these changes are reflected in the statistics screen, as is the change of SCP-3xxx-A1, which is now referred to as "Coronal Machairodont⁵⁰." SCP-3xxx-A1 has been observed winning contests more consistently; it is unknown if other SCP-3xxx-A instances are capable of this evolution.

Avatar of Hunger

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3xxx is to be kept in a climate-controlled coffin in Reliquary Site-25. Due to ethical concerns, no testing is to be carried out using SCP-3xxx; results of previous tests, and all material recovered with SCP-3xxx, are available for the perusal of all members of site personnel.

While SCP-3xxx does not constitute a known biohazard unless consumed, individuals working in the biomass storage wing of Reliquary Site-25 are to undergo regular nutritional health screenings, and are subject to random monitoring of their caloric intake over a 72 hour period.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to the remains of a human male of French descent who died circa 1798. Upon containment, SCP-3xxx's left leg was missing, believed to have been separated from their cadaver and consumed some time between 1800 and 1815.

SCP-3xxx shows incredible amounts of deformation in the abdominal cavity and mandibles, suggesting that several organs and pieces of tissue were displaced or deformed in life. Records from 1798 indicate that in life, SCP-3xxx had a massively deformed digestive tract to the point that the stomach could be viewed through the esophagus— though no exact measurements were taken at the time, modern estimates are that SCP-3xxx's stomach was approximately seven times the size of an average human's.

SCP-3XXX's anomalous properties manifest when an individual prepares part of the remains as a meal intended for human consumption; in its current state, the most viable way to prepare a meal from SCP-3xxx is as ingredients for a broth. Individuals who consume this meal show signs of a unique severe compulsive eating disorder, dubbed by DeWeese, LaPerle, et al as "Gastromania Universalis".

Individuals who suffer from Gastromania Universalis report an intense hunger, and will attempt to consume any material that can be fit into their mouths, edible or inedible. Subjects appear to have a slightly increased metabolic rate as a result of massive, forced caloric intake, often consuming in excess of 100,000kcal per day of edible material, and several cubic meters of inedible material. As a result, extreme physiological changes will occur.

• The facial cheeks of the subjects will greatly distend to the point where each cheek is capable of holding approximately 3L³ of matter.
• The stomach and esophagus will greatly distend as a result of the sheer volume of matter consumed; as an indirect result, some inedible materials may settle in the stomach and act as gastroliths, even if non-mineral in nature. Observed gastrolithic materials have included shards of bone, metals that do not fully dissolve in the gastric acid, various bezoars of hair, fur and fingernails, undigested plastic, and in one case, dissolved silicon from the consumption of several cell phones.
• The subject's lower abdomen will distend greatly, but will not retain mass, and instead result in large flaps of skin hanging off of their torso; testing has shown that some intestinal matter will have distended into these flaps.
• Gastric acid present in the stomach will decrease in average pH from 1.5-3.5 to approximately 1.0-1.5 due to the consumption of inedible, possibly toxic materials. While still in relatively normal range for stomach acid, subjects will suffer from severe, albeit treatable, acid reflux. As a result of the decrease in pH and the subsequent reflux, the subject will start emitting a foul, acidic odor from their nose and mouth.

Several studies over the course of ten years have determined that the physical symptoms of Gastromania Universalis is not inherently anomalous, and have the potential to manifest, albeit in less extreme forms, in individuals with non-anomalous binge eating disorders.

SCP-3xxx was discovered along with several malformed corpses dated to the early 1800s embedded in the walls of a house in Versailles, France. Originally treated as an archaeological curiosity, one of the individuals interred was found to have apparently swallowed a box of yew wood containing a solid gold fork, several metacarpals and metatarsals that are believed to have belonged to at least two six-month-old infants, a piece of bone that has since been identified as being part of SCP-3xxx's left ankle, and a small, leather book with writing by an "M. Duveaux", last dated to 1815. The contents of this book are reproduced below, fully translated.

The box itself was covered in intricate carvings depicting an unknown being with the head of an unknown, unnamed entity with the head of a rodent, portrayed in the style of murals dating to the Middle Kingdom of Egypt. This entity, referred to as "Ipenewat" in the text of the journal, is shown consuming several corpses and leaving behind individuals whose appearance is consistent with deformations resultant from Gastromania Universalis.

Furthermore, the box was found to have large amounts of hemlock oil soaked into the wood— while mostly evaporated, the amount present upon the box when it was originally consumed would have proved fatal within less than three hours.

WARNING: Graphic Content Within. Personnel Who Are Uncomfortable With Explicit Text and Imagery Involving Mutilation, Torture, and Death May Read The Summary Below.

The Journal of M. Duveaux

Show Content of Journal

The incarnation is dead. His carcass reeked to high hell when they finally took him out of the hospital— they thought to burn him, but I convinced them to allow us to take it for examination. It was magnificent— his flesh was almost melting off of him, but some drying in natron and draining the liquids cured his body of that. We fed his juices to the curs on the street, and they seem unaffected.

The rites call for first making the body itself fallow and barren, and letting the basest of creatures consume its seed— what is more base than a human? We are but leeches on the back of the world, and the world shall feed on us again. We were born from rat shit, and to rat shit we shall return. We are the food of Ipenewat.

C. will have the honor of making the incarnation barren— I envy her in this regard. I've only tasted the berries once, and the thought of chewing on them again makes me weak.

C. has fulfilled the second part of the rites— she has eaten of the incarnation, and from this, has gained some of its hunger. The cat two houses down fled, no doubt sensing her voracious intent. More mice for C.

She brought a guest for the dinner proper, a drunkard who was convinced she was a common harlot. The alcohol made his liver unpalatable, and it dulled his pain enough that he did not even scream when L. plunged his hand in and drew out his kidneys. A shame, but he did not go to waste— we laid his largely empty carcass in the body of the incarnation, great and wide it is. The prayer was spoken, and L. fulfilled the rite of the sinister foot. I heard him crunch into his dried skin, like a snail's shell being crushed in my teeth. I couldn't help but grin. Now, every step he takes, the world trembles with the force of a thousand black hooves.

C. has given into the ecstasy of the hunger. I had to restrain the poor girl after she ate all of the raw grain, and tried amputating her hand. A few pints of cattle blood sated her for the day, and still she sobbed, begging for more to sate her hunger. Ipenewat has laid in her bed, and rests in her womb. Perhaps the incarnation will be reborn from her loins.

She's eaten the leather on one of her straps. I applied a laxative immediately— we cannot have tainted, treated flesh within her bowels, lest Famine frown upon us. The parlor stinks. I've been burning incense for six hours.

D. and M. scattered salt on a dozen fields on their way down from Paris, marking the sacred shape, the ever-gaping maw. Even now, I hear whispers of men being found with their legs bitten off, trying to clear the sacred salt. It is a shame that M.'s second stomach is causing him such pain— he won't be able to properly partake in the ritual until October, at the very least.

Still, they did bring gifts— M. brought along three barrels of lamb's blood, one of which was half-empty. He convinced to partaking, the old drunk. As penance, he let the rest of his portions be fed to Ipenewat's messengers.

C. meanwhile was visited by Ipenewat in the night— I awoke to find her covered in bites from his children, his rats. She had pieces of rat flesh from her mouth, a true blessing. They are allowing her to consume them, a sure sign the ritual is working. One even crawled into her mouth, head-first, as I observed. There is something satisfying about the crunch of bone and the taste of brain that I cannot even begin to comprehend— the wasted meat is the sweetest.

I learned today that, in his life, the incarnation ate at least two human whelps. Awful, horrible, disgusting. A waste of potential life and livestock— one does not kill a newborn lamb, one waits for it to grow and then slaughters it for its sweetest meats.

The drunkard's body has had time to settle in the body of the incarnation. The recipe that D. came up with for the ritual is a variation on the original, but it should retain its sanctity— take the skin of the drunkard and wrap it around what remains of the sinister leg, then break it off and bake it in the dried skin. The rest of the drunkard's meat will not go to waste; C's birthday is soon, and she has often complimented me on my roasts. The hunger has been driving her to chew at her own flesh, and while I am grateful to Ipenewat for his bounty, she cannot live on your children alone.

I almost killed D. He broke all of our spice jars. Nothing irreplaceable, but it will take days to re-sanctify it all, and I took some of his blood for this particular rite. Not all of it, but enough that he couldn't walk. M. has ducked out to get new spices.

Prayer for the Meal

Ipenewat, grant us salvation from consumption eternal. As our bodies are consumed, our shadow cannot be cast, our heart has no seat, our name is lost, and our five-part soul is destroyed. Your incarnations of hunger grant us the ability to consume all, and in doing so, ensure their freedom from the gullets of the gods.

M. took far too long with the spices. They are sanctified, and I gave some of my meal to C, who was on the verge of eating her own tongue. She had already chewed part of it off.

I feel ill.

Laxative in the food

They cut C.'s throat. Even as she screams, they are interring her in stone. I do not know them— they do not wear any flag I recognize, but their skin might be Grecian. M. is among them, clutching a pouch that jingles with the sound of coins.

The hunger has taken me enough that I can spare myself C and D's fate. I have enough hemlock in my abode to poison all of France. They dare not destroy a relic such as the incarnation's corpse. May others continue the work of Ipenewat the Ravenous.

Show Non-Graphic Journal Summary

Passage 1

Duveaux begins by describing the death of an individual known as the "Incarnation", evidently SCP-3xxx, and how they saved the corpse from being burned, preserving it in natron and draining it of its juices— a diagram found on the box containing the journal indicates that they were using techniques similar to Egyptian mummification circa 1850 BCE. Duveaux compares himself, and humanity in general, to base creatures, leeches on the back of the world. The name "Ipenewat" appears for the first time.

An individual known as "C" is stated to make the incarnation "barren" by consuming a body part; due to language used describing this part, it can be assumed that "C" consumed the gametes of SCP-3xxx. Animals are described as fleeing from the area following this, which Duveaux attributes to them being able to sense the hunger emanating from "C".

Passage 2

This part of the journal describes the sacrifice and partial consumption of an inebriated individual by a cultist referred to as "L", who does not reappear in the journal. Following the consumption, the body is placed within SCP-3xxx to further the process of meal preparation. L is described as performing the "Rite of the Sinister Foot". While not elaborated upon, this may instead be the be the "rite of the left foot"— the dialect of French used here is antiquated, and does not appear to differentiate between the concepts of "sinistre" as being both the direction left and being an adjective denoting an ill omen. L. is described as having an ominous, intimidating presence about him following this.

Passage 3

C. begins showing signs of Gastromania Universalis, which Duveaux refers to as the "Ecstasy of Hunger". After eating raw grain and attempting to amputate her hand, Duveaux restrained her, and describes the figure of Ipenewat as having lain with C.

Immediately after, Duveaux describes having to administer a laxative to C. following her consumption of a leather strap, presumably restraining her. He describes the leather as 'tainted and treated', and that the parlor 'stinks' because of her.

Passage 4

Two new individuals, "D" and "M", are introduced, having been described as salting fields in a particular shape on their way from Paris to Versailles; contemporary accounts show that several fields were salted or otherwise destroyed by an unknown party or parties from 1803 to 1809. Maps of the fields show now known occult pattern emerging among the plots, suggesting the symbols were on a smaller scale. M. is described as having a 'second stomach'.

D and M brought barrels of lamb's blood as a gift, one of which was half-consumed by M, whom Duveaux refers to as an "old drunk".

C. is described as being visited by Ipenwat in the night, with several rats crawling on her and seemingly feeding themselves to her, one of them crawling in head-first before being consumed. Of note, Duveaux refers to the meat of the brain as 'wasted meat', which corresponds with an Ancient Egyptian belief that the brain was essentially useless, both anatomically and spiritually, and was thrown away during mummification.

Passage 5

Duveaux writes about SCP-3xxx with disgust after learning that, in life, they had consumed at least two infants. He talks about it being a 'waste of potential life and livestock'.

The drunkard's body from passage two is referenced, apparently having had enough time to prepare. Details about the preparation of the actual meal are discussed, and how the "Sinister Leg" is to be consumed first. Some of the drunkard is intended to be saved for C.'s birthday, where it will be served as a roast. C. herself has apparently eaten several rats, but cannot live on "[Ipenewat's] children alone".

Duveaux expresses rage at D. for breaking several spice jars, which were apparently sanctified. M. goes to retrieve new spices, while Duveaux bemoans how long the ritual to re-sanctify the spices will take.

Passage 6:

A prayer to Ipenewat, which has been reproduced below:

Ipenewat, grant us salvation from consumption eternal. As our bodies are consumed, our shadow cannot be cast, our heart has no seat, our name is lost, and our five-part soul is destroyed. Your incarnations of hunger grant us the ability to consume all, and in doing so, ensure their freedom from the gullets of the gods.

Passages 7-9:

Duveaux describes how M. returned with the spices, after taking an inordinately long amount of time. C. is described as having chewed off part of her own tongue.

Following this, Duveaux complains of feeling ill— the parts of SCP-3xxx which were consumed were laced with a laxative. The last entry describes how Duveaux has seen C. having her throat cut by an unknown group of individuals, apparently Greek in origin, having worked with D. in order to eliminate the cult. C., M., and Duveaux are apparently due to be interred in stone. Duveaux states his intent to commit suicide by ingestion of hemlock, and says that the organization "dare not destroy a relic" such as SCP-3xxx. The last line is "May others continue the work of Ipenewat the Ravenous".

Nexus-249: Apartment 8I, 21 ████ St, New York

Nexus #: Nx-249

Civilian Designation: Apartment 8I, 21 ████ St, New York, New York

Population: 2 Foundation personnel, unknown civilian population

Area Class: Camelot

Nexus Interaction Protocol: [Paragraphs explaining special requirements for personnel working in the Nexus]

Containment Facility: [Optional Site/Area dedicated to containment and monitoring]

Description: Nx-249 refers to the entirety of Apartment 8I, including its kitchen, bathroom, and bedrooms. Originally a non-anomalous luxury apartment in uptown Manhattan, Nx-249's anomalous properties were first noted after the disappearance of the sole tenant, listed as 'Neil Drake' on all paperwork associated with Nx-249.

When the front door of Nx-249 is closed, the interior dimensions alter themselves drastically. The exterior wall, which faces south-east, vanishes and opens into a large beach. Soil and water analysis, along with exploration attempts, has concluded that this beach is either Siesta Beach, located in Sarasota, Florida, or a near-perfect approximation of the beach. The temperature has never been recorded to drop below 21C or go above 25C.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

The World's Biggest Wet Blanket

Item #: SCP-SAD-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-SAD-J is an enormous blue fleece blanket, previously owned by Foundation researcher Carlos Mewart. Prior to Mewart's retirement from the Foundation in 2016, SCP-SAD-J was non-anomalous, and measured 3m*.5m; following Mewart's retirement, it expanded to have a total surface area of 2km. Furthermore, since it's anomalous properties manifested, SCP-SAD-J has been totally saturated by human tears.

Items exposed to SCP-SAD-J will undergo various changes in state to make their overall disposition more depressed and nihilistic. In the case of most mammalian, reptilian and avian organisms, mood will worsen significantly within thirty meters of SCP-SAD-J, with subjects often bursting into tears within twenty meters. Further coaxing is needed to enter within ten meters, at which point subjects will often lay down and remain sedentary until acted upon by an outside force. Living organisms which exit SCP-SAD-J's zone of effect typically recover upon exposure to positive stimulus.

SCP-SAD-J's anomaly works through an unknown mechanism; due to its ability to affect all forms of plant, animal, and fungal life, it was originally believed to be a form of organic toxin. However, due to its ability to alter other items, such as books, artwork, and in one case, a washing machine, it is believed that SCP-SAD-J is an actively essohazardous item. Thankfully, SCP-SAD-J's area of effect does not extend beyond thirty meters, and has not grown since its containment was established.

Exposed Material: Dr. Rouge Chemise, Archeologist stationed at Site-87
Result: Dr. Chemise was exposed accidentally while touring the area. A five-second period of exposure caused a massive shift in psychology, resulting in her requesting a transfer to Site-2; this site does not exist.

The Saddest Skinwalker

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3xxx's right hand is to be enclosed in a cloth glove at all times to prevent its anomaly from activating. [more stuff goes here when I'm done rewriting it]

Description: SCP-3xxx is a female human of Navajo-German descent, aged 29. SCP-3xxx weighs 70kg and stands at 1.57m when not being affected by its anomalous properties. SCP-3xxx possesses brown eyes and black hair, and has an incomplete tattoo depicting events from The Coming of Monsters from the Diné Bahaneʼ⁵¹ on its back. The fingertips and palm of SCP-3xxx's right hand show signs of several needle marks, which SCP-3xxx cannot account for.

SCP-3xxx's anomalous properties manifest when its right extremity on its forelimb makes physical contact with the skin, hide, fur, feathers or exoskeleton of any organism from the kingdom Animalia. Following this, SCP-3xxx begins to transform into a genetically identical copy of the organism which it came into contact with; this process has been observed to last from between ten seconds to six minutes. This process has been described as "excruciatingly painful" by SCP-3xxx, with pain intensifying as differences in size become more extreme. SCP-3xxx will undergo this transformation regardless of the state of biological matter it comes into contact with; contact with a live specimen of cattle will produce the same reaction as contact with leather. However, non-living human matter (such as shed skin cells and corpses) will not trigger the anomaly.

SCP-3xxx's intelligence and degree of sapience fluctuates from organism to organism, but SCP-3xxx is capable of remembering what occurred during times when it has transformed, provided the organism has a brain. SCP-3xxx appears to be unfamiliar with the bodies of organisms it changes into, and often injures itself. Winged organisms appear to give SCP-3xxx the most difficulty in adjustment, as to date, SCP-3xxx has been unable to stay airborne for more than several seconds, invariably colliding with walls or falling from the air due to exhaustion.

Sufficient physical trauma, such as a gunshot wound, will result in SCP-3xxx reverting to their original form. Furthermore, SCP-3xxx has displayed an acute allergy to silver, breaking out in severe hives upon contact, and often experiencing spontaneous dermal hemorrhaging.

---

Recovery: SCP-3xxx was originally reported missing from its reservation in late 2011, following a series of deaths in the area attributed to animal attacks. Foundation investigation found that the attacks were caused by large animals such as wolves and coyotes, but with human footprints left behind in several cases. These attacks stopped following SCP-3xxx's disappearance.

SCP-3xxx was recovered in the spring of 2012, having been shot by a farmer; during this time, SCP-3xxx had turned into a coyote, and was scavenging on a dead chicken. Foundation medical teams intercepted SCP-3xxx at its hospital, where its anomalous properties manifested upon a nurse checking its right hand, causing its anomaly to activate.

SCP-3xxx was moved to Site-82, where it was interviewed by Dr. Douglas Smith. For the duration of this, SCP-3xxx's hands were covered and restrained.

---

SCP-3xxx: You can't hold me here. I've not been charged with anything.

Dr. Smith: We're not holding you on a criminal basis. We're… well, we want to know what you are. How you do this.

SCP-3xxx: So you can make your own yee naaldlooshii?⁵² Fuck you, and your government.

Dr. Smith: My government? I'm Lakota by descent.

SCP-3xxx: You still work for the US Gov. Where am I, anyway? Some MIB facility? Is Agent Jay gonna walk through the door and give sunburn to my brain?

Dr. Smith: We don't work with the US Government, or any government. We're… extragovernmental. We study individuals such as yourself, with abilities that are beyond that of normality.

[SCP-3xxx remains silent]

Dr. Smith: Your file shows your name is Kai. Is it all right if I call you that?

[SCP-3xxx nods]

Dr. Smith: In the preliminary examination, several track marks were reported to be present on your hand—

SCP-3xxx: I'm not a junkie.

Dr. Smith: I wasn't going to accuse you of that.

SCP-3xxx: Then why call them track marks? Why not needle marks? [SCP-3xxx shifts in its seat uncomfortably] I keep on having… I had blank patches for months on end. I'd come home from work, and the next thing I'd know, it'd be morning and I'd passed out on the couch, and there would be a new bandage on my hand.

Dr. Smith: You worked on a ranch, yes?

SCP-3xxx: My grandfather owned it at one point— my mom's dad. We don't like to talk about him. We're just hired there to help, now. It's a living.

Dr. Smith: Did you contact the authorities about the injuries you received?

SCP-3xxx: And what would they do? If it was someone non-native, they can't be arrested or tried on the reservation.⁵³ And I'm not sure if you've noticed, but short of the goddamn Zodiac killer showing up in the Nation, the only reason a fed is going to step onto our land is to burn their wallet while playing craps.

Dr. Smith: Point taken. I… think that'll be all for today. You'll be shown to your room.

SCP-3xxx: All right.

---

Addendum: 3xxx Testing Footage Transcripts:

Test 3xxx-01:

Dr. Smith: All right, I want you to approach the center of the room.

SCP-3xxx: So, this is the part where you try to turn me into a weapon?

Dr. Smith: We simply want to see the limits of your…

SCP-3xxx: Let's call it what it it. A curse.

Dr. Smith: If you prefer that. Now, before you is the pelt of an animal that's fairly close to your size; an African leopard.

SCP-3xxx: How did it die?

Dr. Smith: In a zoo. It was old, poor thing.

SCP-3xxx: Okay. Uh. It works when I do it with this hand [SCP-3xxx holds up its right hand] but if I don't use that, it… doesn't do anything.

Dr. Smith: Use your right hand, please.

SCP-3xxx: Okay. [SCP-3xxx places its hand on the pelt; a flash of light is seen emitting from its fingertips, visible only on slowed-down playbacks] FUCK! Goddamn son of a fucking bitch piece of [SCP-3xxx's voice turns into incoherent snarling and growling throughout the course of its transformation. SCP-3xxx then proceeds to attack the observation glass, severely scratching it with its claws]

Dr. Smith: Holy cow.

[SCP-3xxx ceases its attack on the glass, emitting sounds of fear and distress. SCP-3xxx eventually calms.]

[One hour into the test, twenty kilograms of beef are introduced into SCP-3xxx's enclosure. It attempts to consume the beef, but it shows some difficulty doing so.]

Dr. Smith: I… Can someone go in there and try to chop it up for her? Please? I'm sorry, Kai. We're going to keep observing until you change back, however long that takes.

[EXTRANEOUS LOGS REMOVED]

[SCP-3xxx begins reverting after five hours and forty-two minutes. Upon reverting fully, SCP-3xxx sits in the middle of the chamber, curled up in a fetal position]

Dr. Smith: Welcome back, Kai. Take your time.

SCP-3xxx: Did I kill someone?

Dr. Smith: Beg pardon?

SCP-3xxx: I… I remember having a mind like that. Hungry, wanting to hunt, but just locked in a room. Then, someone let me out, and [SCP-3xxx pauses] I woke up at home, in the living room, with blood on my gums. There were attacks on the reservation. They started after I [SCP-3xxx's voice becomes shaken] after I started finding needle marks on me. D-did I… why did I? Why did I kill them?

Dr. Smith: You weren't in control. You can't blame yourself, Kai.

SCP-3xxx: Why would someone do this to me? Why?

Dr. Smith: I promise you, we're looking into it. [Dr. Smith sighs] When you're ready, we'll have someone escort you to your room. Okay?

SCP-3xxx: O-okay.

---

Incident 3xxx-21: Following a test determining SCP-3xxx's interaction with winged organisms, SCP-3xxx developed a severe rash on their left hand, which soon began hemorrhaging. The cause of this was unknown, and the wound failed to close, and did not begin healing until three days later. Review of footage shows SCP-3xxx's hand coming into contact with that of Security Agent McEwan as they escorted SCP-3xxx to its cell following the test; McEwan was wearing their silver wedding band at the time. A follow-up test of a skin sample collected from SCP-3xxx shows that silver has deleterious effects on its tissue. When presented with this information, SCP-3xxx gave this statement:

SCP-3xxx: Silver? Like I'm some kind of werewolf?

Dr. Smith: I'm not sure I'd use that term. It appears to be a severe allergy to the element.

SCP-3xxx: That doesn't make sense. My mom, she had this silver amulet that dad gave her, she always wore it, and I used to wear it, too, even after I started changing. How am I suddenly allergic to it?

Dr. Smith: I agree that it seems incongruous… we've looked into your genealogy. Your maternal grandfather, he hailed from Germany?

SCP-3xxx: His family had been in America for generations before that. We were from around… I think Stuttgart?

Dr. Smith: And your mother's side, they're all Navajo?

SCP-3xxx: As far back as can be traced. Why the sudden interest in history?

Dr. Smith: It's occurred to me that both Germanic folklore and the Navajo's mythos have creatures that can take on the form of animals. The yee naaldlooshii and the werewolf. What was done to you, it was… well, in a sick way, it brought your heritage to the forefront.

SCP-3xxx: Oh my god. [SCP-3xxx stares at its hand] So, whatever this was that got stuck into me, it, what, made me into some fucked-up Animorph because it's in my mythology? [SCP-3xxx stares at the wall of the interview room] How would that even work?

Dr. Smith: We're not sure.

SCP-3xxx: Why did they stop?

Dr. Smith: That… hmm. [Dr. Smith rests his hand on his chin.] They could have continued indefinitely, with the relative isolation. During the attacks, the victims… [Dr. Smith frowns] How well did you know the individuals on your reservation?

SCP-3xxx: I attended the funerals for everyone killed by… by me. [SCP-3xxx puts its head in its hand] Oh my god.

Dr. Smith: Wait here. [Dr. Smith exits the room for several minutes, eventually re-entering with photographs of all of the individuals killed at SCP-3xxx's reservation prior to its containment] All right. Does anyone here look out of place?

SCP-3xxx: Her. [SCP-3xxx indicates a photograph of a Caucasian woman, aged forty, identified as Lena Goldsmith] I've never seen her before. Who was she?

Dr. Smith: Records indicate that she was a teacher on your reservation—

SCP-3xxx: No. I've never seen her before in my life. If she was a teacher, then half the school would have shown up to mourn her. [SCP-3xxx frowns] We just showed up at her funeral because it was right. She's not even buried on the reservation, I don't think; it was more of a memorial.

Dr. Smith: We'll look into it.

Addendum: POI-3xxx-01: POI-3xxx-01 refers to a deceased individual under the presumed alias of Lena Goldsmith; Foundation search of their former property found several samples of animal pelt, and a memory card for a digital camera. The data on the camera shows heavy corruption, but three images were recovered; two of them show SCP-3xxx in stages of transformation, while the third is a photograph of a hand with needle marks in positions similar to those displayed on SCP-3xxx. The hand does not belong to SCP-3xxx.

Further search found several fragments of burnt paper in an incinerator behind the house, as well as melted plastic used in medical syringes. Due to the lack of any anomalous chemical residue in the POI's dewlling, it is presumed that the substance in the syringe (tentatively classified as SCP-3xxx-Alpha) was created elsewhere, and then delivered to the POI. Investigation into POI-3xxx-01's motives and connections are ongoing.

Swordquest: Airworld

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to the unreleased video game Swordquest: Airworld. SCP-3xxx was originally intended for release in Late 1984 or Early 1985 for the Atari 2600 game console, but due to financial difficulties encountered by Atari at the time, and the anomalous nature of the game, it was scrapped.

The activation of SCP-3xxx's anomaly has a co-requisite; in order for it to activate, one must play SCP-3xxx with the intent of participating in the promotional contest which accompanied the Swordquest series.⁵⁴ 'Participation' means playing the game whilst attempting to decode messages in the accompanying Swordquest: Airworld comic magazine and other paraphernalia, including a piece of polarized plastic intended for finding messages in the comic book (referred to as a 'magic lens'), a simplified summary of the I Ching, and a plastic decoder wheel styled after a Taijitu⁵⁵. Intent of winning the Swordquest contest does not appear to have any additional effect.

When played with these requirements met, SCP-3xxx will gradually reveal details about

Telemarketing Brain Farm

Item #: SCP-3XXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: Due to ethical concerns regarding SCP-3xxx, all human tissue has been rendered biologically inert. The biological remains of all individuals with extant family members is to be cremated along with other human biomass and distributed to their families for burial on a set timetable.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers collectively refers to twenty-nine human brains(SCP-3xxx-1 through -29), fifteen sets of human larynges(SCP-3xxx-30 through -44), an advanced life support system(SCP-3xxx-45), and a server farm(SCP-3xxx-46) formerly located in [REDACTED], New York. SCP-3xxx-1 through -29 were all living and conscious at the time of discovery, being kept alive via a blood-like nutrient-rich substance based on human blood, supported in twenty-nine distinct tanks. Three additional tanks were found emptied of their contents.

SCP-3xxx-30 through -44 were stored separately from the life support system, with artificial nerve tissue connecting from the brains to the vocal chords; to communicate, the larynges were shared between brains, with only SCP-3xxx-21 possessing a larynx to itself. In turn, the larynges were electronically linked to the server farm, which was programmed to call a randomly generated phone number within the United States every 33 hours. The suspected purpose of SCP-3xxx's organic components was to mimic the vocal patterns of a healthy human female according to a script provided by the server in an attempt to fraudulently acquire social security information, credit card data, and other credentials necessary for carrying out identity theft. All conversations made with civilians by SCP-3xxx is recorded; analysis shows that out of 1,982 calls, only 103 were successful in their intent. Communication with SCP-3xxx-18 upon discovery indicates that they were forced to speak the call script in a tone mimicing "robocalls", and had no control over their larynges or thought processes during this time.

All human tissue in SCP-3xxx is from females, aged twenty-one to thirty-three; however, no DNA sampled from the vocal chords matches DNA sampled from the brains. Forty-four distinct genetic signatures exist, with fourteen being unaccounted for.

Discovery: SCP-3xxx was discovered following a phone call made to a Mr. Gregory Wright in Bar Harbor, Maine by SCP-3xxx. Due to SCP-3xxx recording all call data, this transcript was obtained off of the server.

Mr. Wright: Yello?

SCP-3xxx-18: Hello?

Mr. Wright: Can you hear me? Hello?

SCP-3xxx-18: Oh! Sorry, I was just adjusting my headset—

Mr. Wright: Ahh, nope. Goddamn robocalls. I don't want whatever the fuck it is you're selling—

SCP-3xxx-18: Help me.

Mr. Wright: …what?

SCP-3xxx-18: I don't know where I am. It's cold and dark. I can't see anything. I can only hear you and me. Help me. Please.

Mr. Wright: Is this some kind of sick joke? Who the fuck are you?

SCP-3xxx-18: I don't know where I am! Please! My name is Juliet Monroe, I'm Twenty-One, I can't see, I can't feel my hands, oh god, what the fuck [SCP-3xxx-18 becomes incoherent and starts sobbing].

Mr. Wright: Holy Shit. Uh…. I'm going to get on my cell phone and call the police. Y-you stay on the line, okay, Juliet? [Distant] Mary!⁵⁶ Whatever you do, don't hang up that phone!

[SCP-3xxx-18's sobbing continues for approximately ten minutes, before a click is heard on the recording, indicating an exterior wire tap. Approximately three minutes later, a new voice is heard on the recording.]

Officer Bowman: This is Officer Bowman with the Bar Harbor Police. To whom am I speaking?

SCP-3xxx-18: J-Juliet Monroe.

Officer Bowman: Where are you, Juliet? We've got a trace on the call, but it would really help if you told us where you were.

SCP-3xxx-18: I don't know. It's dark and wet. I can't feel my arms. I'm just hearing you and… and just you. I've had to say the same things over and over again.

Officer Bowman: Mr. Wright told us that you sounded like a telemarketer. Are you being held against your will?

SCP-3xxx-18: Yes, I am. I don't know who did it.

Officer Bowman: Hold on. Apparently you're located in… [REDACTED], New York?

SCP-3xxx-18: New York? I'm from Wyoming. Where am I?

Officer Bowman: [Muffled] Get the FBI on the phone. [Normal volume] I'm going to stay on the line until they find you, Juliet. Do you have a mom and dad?

SCP-3xxx-18: Yes, they live at [DATA EXPUNGED].

[IRRELEVANT DATA REDACTED]

Officer Bowman: Juliet, we've managed to contact your parents. They say they miss you very much.

SCP-3xxx-18: Oh thank god, thank god.

Officer Bowman: The FBI team should be knocking on your door right now. Help's coming, Juliet. You're going home.

SCP-3xxx-18: I… I don't think that's true.

Officer Bowman: What do you mean?

SCP-3xxx-18: I just realized. I know why I can't feel anything. I remember my legs being taken, and my fingers being pulled off.

SCP-3xxx-18: I'm dead.

Addendum: Investigation of SCP-3xxx: Due to the nature of SCP-3xxx,

Charles,

We finally got the DNA results back for the brains; they're attached in a file. You're right, they all were all missing persons cases in the last ten years… and that's where it gets weird.

You'll quickly see this when you open the file, but all of the individuals whose DNA is present in 3xxx— that we can identify, at any rate — are females with the initials J.M. Jane Mahler, Josephine Milgram, Jill Milton, Janet MacAllister, Juliet Monroe… the list goes on. I've seen this pattern before, and just from reading the archives, I don't like where it's going.

There's one notable case, though.

The genetic markers in the brains you identified as "Jasmine"(Instance 17) and "Jolene" (Instance 25) are the only ones I couldn't find, until my colleague decided to look into the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's database. I did some more digging, found a pair of girls with those names who vanished in Mississippi in September 2011. You must remember it, the "Homecoming Snatching". I contacted their families and managed to acquire a DNA sample from them; they kept hairbrushes around— sure enough, it's a match. Jasmine Moodie and Jolene McDaniels.

Vanished for six years, and they turn up like this. And judging by their mental states, they weren't treated very nicely before they got turned into… that. I threw up in my mouth a little once I realized that a pair of fifteen-year-old girls had been turned into a goddamn Beowulf cluster call center. And we don't even know why.

Dr. Melissa Drake
Forensic Analyst
Site-42

Chuck,

I looked over the code from the brain farm, and I don't know what to say. This is just some basic script, something that I could write myself, if I managed to see the thing. There's no paracode in it, no memetic strings, nothing. It's just Java running on Unix, albeit a version of Java made for interfacing with organic materials; it's like something that bitch Craggs might dream up. Made for controlling every word from the mouth of those poor… god.

That's not to say that there's noting weird about it; the script for the call loop has a termination clause. It's not uncommon; most robocall farms have one in their code to say "stop calling at this time, resume calling at this time tomorrow." But this is just a flat termination; after 1,982 calls, the system makes one more call, and then the script that forces the brains to read out the code shuts off in the middle of the call.

Naturally, there's also a line to count up the number of calls made in order to make sure this bit of script triggers. Guess how many calls were made? That's right, 1,982. It's freaky, but not Sarkic freaky. Besides, I don't think that they could work a computer to save their hides.

Abraham Wexley
Department of Paracomputational Studies
Site-91

Chuck,

Scratch that, I did find something weird in the code. There's some junk near the top of the call loop that I missed; Bloom recognized it as some obscure cipher. We're trying to decrypt it ASAP, but as it turns out, the original cipher is only partially solved, so that's fun. Will keep you updated.

Abe

To: Director Percy Bradbury
Subject: 1982

I have talked at length with my colleagues about SCP-3xxx, and we all agree on one thing: at first, it made no sense. The cost of R&D for the life support system alone must have been astronomical; NASA might be able to accomplish this in a decade or five, if they were given the budget of the Pentagon. It would have been infinitely easier, and cheaper, to just program a voice-generation program to spoof the voice of a human woman for the sake of stealing identities. If they wanted to add an anomalous twist, they could easily ensoul it, or write a rudimentary AI.

Then we realized: there was literally no reason that whoever built this couldn't have just used a normal server farm. Combined with the lack of any apparent connection to any known group of interest with ties to biological or biomechanical integration or augmentation, it has led me to believe that whoever built this wanted these women to suffer.

What's more, I think we've seen this before. 1982. The initials J.M. recurring over and over.

I'm sounding overly dramatic; what I'm saying, Director, is that I'm going to need all level-4 and lower files regarding the "Roxbury" case, and SCP-[Blackbox]. I think it's back.

Charles St. John
Special Investigative Agent
Site-47

Slow Cutting

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to the handle of a large steak knife.

Let's Play Martian Broadcasts

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx are a series of anomalous broadcasts originating from the Hellas Basin on Mars's southern hemisphere. These broadcasts are almost invariably footage of gameplay from various video games with live commentary tracks over them, colloquially referred to as "Lets Plays". The broadcasts are often titled in a manner such as "Alien Buds Play [Game Title]". On one occasion, during a playthrough of the 2006 video game Sonic the Hedgehog, the videos were titled "Alien Buds Suffer Through Sonic the Hedgehog".

SCP-3xxx-1 through SCP-3xxx-4 refers to the individuals commentating SCP-3xxx broadcasts. SCP-3xxx-1 claims to be a human male from Ontario, Canada, named Adam LaPerle⁵⁷, having been stranded on Mars during a classified space ride and having been rescued by SCP-3xxx-2. SCP-3xxx-1 shows an interest in American culture, particularly the superhero "Batman", and is the most knowledgeable of the commentators regarding the horror genre.

SCP-3xxx-2 claims to be a carbon-based humanoid originating on Mars, being simply named "Soombra", and residing underground in [REDACTED]⁵⁸. SCP-3xxx-2 apparently studied both Martian and human psychology. SCP-3xxx-2 seems to be of a race of Martians that require a higher salt content to maintain physical health; when the SCP-3xxx broadcasts began, other commentators often displayed annoyance at SCP-3xxx-2 consuming salty snacks loudly during commentary.

SCP-3xxx-3 is simply called "Middan", and claims to be a Vulcan from the planet Raxicoracrafalipitorious⁵⁹; however Middan is known to often lie, a trait that does not affect their relationship with other commentators. SCP-3xxx-3 has had access to

Hot Rod Love

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the difficultly of detecting SCP-XXXX prior to a "Meet Cute" event, containment is primarily focused on information suppression post-incident. SCP-XXXX-B instances are to be impounded for study, and are to be stored in Vehicular Containment Garages as appropriate, pending destruction.

If SCP-XXXX is detected prior to a "Meet Cute" event, an attempt is to be made so that SCP-XXXX-A individuals are to be restrained or otherwise made unable to participate in these events, and are to be interviewed as any civilian who was affected by an anomalous event, monitored until SCP-XXXX symptoms cease, and then released following administration of appropriate amnestics.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an phenomenon primarily affecting women and motor vehicles in rural areas of the United States, Italy, Australia, China, and Russia. In humans, SCP-XXXX is primarily characterized by the sudden development of mechanophilia⁶⁰, in spite of any any previous romantic or sexual inclinations, or the lack thereof. Individuals who are affected by SCP-XXXX (henceforth SCP-XXXX-A) have several consistent characteristics:

• All subjects are over the age of forty-five
• All subjects both identify as and are biologically female; transgender and transsexual individuals seem to be unaffected by SCP-XXXX.
• All subjects reside in areas where the human population within 10.7 square kilometers is less than 6,000 individuals
• All subjects are physically capable of walking unassisted
• No subject has been in a sexual or romantic relationship for at least four years, three months.
• All subjects have at least one child; the presence of grandchildren in the family seems to increase the chance that SCP-XXXX will affect an individual.

Due to the aforementioned mechanophilia, SCP-XXXX-A instances will actively seek out automobiles, diverting from their daily routines and oftentimes putting themselves in physical danger in the process. SCP-XXXX-A instances show particular interest in models that are no longer being manufactured; studied individuals have shown the highest signs of sexual arousal in the presence of cars, particularly automobiles that were manufactured within fifteen years of SCP-XXXX-A's birth year.

Automobiles⁶¹ affected by SCP-XXXX are termed SCP-XXXX-B. SCP-XXXX-B instances seem to be "paired" with anywhere between one and four SCP-XXXX-A instances, and are capable of self-locomotion. If SCP-XXXX-B is driven, it will often divert its course towards areas where SCP-XXXX-A instances live. It should be noted that SCP-XXXX-B instances are not sentient or sapient, and seem to simply be reacting to the SCP-XXXX anomaly itself, rather than acting of its own volition.

In the presence of SCP-XXXX-A instances, SCP-XXXX-B will stall and fail to start. SCP-XXXX-B instances being driven will have their drivers lose all control over their car, and will often attempt to exit the vehicle. SCP-XXXX-A instances will approach SCP-XXXX-B instances and attempt to interact with them. Despite a lack of response from SCP-XXXX-B instances, the SCP-XXXX-A instance will behave as if though they were capable of speech, carrying on one-sided conversations; the most common topics in these include automobile maintenance, fuel prices, the cities of Dearborn and Detroit, Michigan, Henry Ford's anti-semetic views, and seatbelts.

SCP-XXXX-A individuals will attempt to regularly meet with any SCP-XXXX-B instance in their area, often fixating on one or two particular instances. SCP-XXXX-B instances are often broken into for the sake of SCP-XXXX-A apparently achieving some form of sexual gratification, but in almost all cases, SCP-XXXX-B instances are not stolen.

In 92% of cases, SCP-XXXX-A and -B instances will organize what has been designated as a "Meet Cute" event. In this event, the SCP-XXXX-A instance will find one or more SCP-XXXX-B instances, who will follow the former to an area of road that is otherwise unoccupied. SCP-XXXX-A will stand in the center of the road, and attempt to mimic vehicular sounds for anywhere from five minutes to ten hours. Eventually, there is one of two outcomes:

• The SCP-XXXX-B instance(s) will seem to lose interest, and shortly thereafter, all anomalous properties.
• The SCP-XXX-B instances will accelerate towards SCP-XXXX-A instances at speeds of at least 97 kph, regardless of whether or not the SCP-XXXX-B instance is capable of reaching this speed non-anomalously. If impact occurs, the SCP-XXXX-A instance is killed in 76% of cases, with survivors often left physically disabled for the rest of their lives. Autopsies on deceased SCP-XXXX-A instances following a "Meet Cute" event show a 500% larger amount of dopamine in their brains than other individuals who have died in similar accidents.

If either the SCP-XXXX-A is injured or impaired in such a way that a "Meet Cute" cannot occur (i.e. breaking a leg, being physically bound, leaving their place of residence for a period of at least ten days), then all anomalous properties will gradually cease. SCP-XXXX-A individuals will report a complete lack of interest in cars beyond driving them following this, and will lose all mechanophiliac tendencies.

SCP-XXXX was initially discovered following a mass "Meet Cute" event in █████████████, Ohio, USA, which was originally recorded as an Extranormal Event (See Below) due to its apparently isolated nature. However, a reoccurring pattern emerged with incidents occurring in several other countries, with similar circumstances. The surfacing of a security tape from a gas station in Colorado showing a woman engaging in the "Meet Cute" event with a pickup truck, along with three similar events in California, Maine, and Nebraska, led the Foundation to investigate these incidents as a pattern.

As of March 2017, there have been over 250 recorded instances of SCP-XXXX, with the first instance believed to have been some time between 1970 and 1972. More possible instances are currently under investigation.

Original Documentation:

Designation: EE-1992-46
Description of Event: Ten women, between the ages of 45 and 69, were found dead in the middle of the main road leading into █████████████, Ohio from the south, apparently all having been run over by "vintage" cars brought into town as part of a traveling show; the most recent car involved was dated to 1970. The cars were found to not have been driven in the last decade, and, in fact, five of the involved cars were rendered unable to function normally.
Date of Occurance: ██/██/1992
Location of Occurance:█████████████, Ohio
Follow-Up Actions Taken: Autopsies covertly performed on victims, and cars deconstructed; neither have anomalous properties. However, the deceased were noted to have much higher dopamine levels in their system than is normal in the event of vehicular death.

Video Log SCP-XXXX-205-199: The following is an excerpt from a Youtube entitled "Senile Woman Talks To Car, Police Come, WTF?!" . This video is believed to depict an interaction between an SCP-XXXX-A instance (later identified as Maria "Bobbie" Frank of Sistersville, West Virginia, designated SCP-XXXX-A-205) and an SCP-XXXX-B instance (SCP-XXXX-B-199, a 1980 Ford Fairmont). Ms. Frank was severely injured in a "Meet Cute" event six weeks after this recording was uploaded onto Youtube in May 2016, and died in the hospital two weeks later.

SCP-XXXX-A-205: Well, no, I'm afraid I don't have much of a taste in German cars, I always prefer them American-made. Oh, at a former Chrysler plant? That's adorable! And you're the only one that came out blue in your lot?

Unidentified Male (Owner of SCP-XXXX-B-199): Lady, can you stop? I have kids I need to pick up from school-

SCP-XXXX-A-205: Don't be rude! We're having a conversation. Young people these days, I swear. Pity about that license plate, though, all dinged up; you've been run into the back of a garage a number of times, haven't you? Oh, that's dreadful. Some people need to know when to step on the breaks and when to turn on the gas.

At this point, the unidentified male produces a cell phone from their pocket. The video cuts to approximately three minutes later, when police arrive, presumably to take SCP-XXXX-A-205 into custody. SCP-XXXX-A-205 addresses one of the police cruisers; despite the car being unmanned, it proceeds to accelerate forward and severely damage SCP-XXXX-B-199.

SCP-XXXX-A-205(while assaulting police cruiser): You brute! You've wrecked his bumper! That was the nicest part of him!

Roadways to Perilous Areas

Item #: SCP-1982-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-1982-J is a series of zones of weakened reality present in Los Angeles, California, USA; Prague, Czech Republic; Moscow, Russia; New Dehli, India; and Rio Di Janero, Brazil. These zones have several consistent factors between them, affecting human beings that enter them.

Human beings within SCP-1982-J zones

The Great 2015 Shitposting War

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to the remnants of a pocket dimension located in the basement of a house in Cleveland, Ohio. Formerly, SCP-XXXX was a recognized non-hostile 'BackDoor' community 'BackDoor' communities are artificially-created pocket dimensions which are inhabited by individuals both anomalous and non-anomalous, forming miniature communities. While genuinely benign, these communities pose a threat to the Foundation's mission of secrecy, and are usually shut down or put under monitoring when discovered with a population of 820, colloquially known as 'Hastily Made Cleveland BackDoor'. Due to the nature in which it was destroyed, the basement which SCP-XXXX occupies is approximately ten kilometers larger than the exterior space would allow.

SCP-XXXX contains the remains of approximately 291 buildings, including a grocery store, several clothing stores, twenty apartment complexes, a string of houses, recreational facilities, a television studio, a tourism bureau, and several restaurants. The buildings contained in here show signs of being heavily besieged, with 50 of the 291 buildings being partially or completely destroyed.

Hastily Made Cleveland Backdoor was created by collaboration between a cell of Gamers Against Weed and a group known as "The Dandelion Warhols, Class of 198X", a benign anartist collective primarily made up of former students of the Cleveland Institute of Art from the 1980s. Installations and pieces created by the Dandelion Warhols are primarily commentaries on violence and crime within Cleveland, Ohio.

SCP-XXXX contains several anomalies, either created by the inhabitants of Hastily Made Cleveland BackDoor or as a result of the destruction of the pocket dimension that once housed it. Currently, 357 confirmed anomalies have been observed in or recovered from SCP-XXXX.

---

Designation	Description	Location of Discovery	Anomaly Present	Notes
SCP-XXXX-01	A collection 27 of tickets to a show by local comedian Mike Polk Jr. The back of the tickets have a URL for a Youtube video printed on the back.	Former entrance to Hastily Made Cleveland BackDoor	Holding an instance of SCP-XXXX-01 will offer moderate protection from more hazardous anomalies present in SCP-XXXX	We think these are what are known as "BackDoor Keys". These are used as confirmation that the bearer is allowed into a BackDoor dimension. Each BackDoor has their own special key, and they can be anything from subway tokens to medical bracelets to a tattoo. -Dr. Carter
SCP-XXXX-02	A series of black holes that appear in SCP-XXXX on an irregular basis.	Around SCP-XXXX	Often accompanied by audio anomalies, usually made up of a series of swear words.	While moderately destructive, human beings are massive enough that it is unlikely that they are pulled into the event horizon.
SCP-XXXX-03	A mural present depicting Moses Cleaveland being assaulted by the current mayor of Cleveland	On a building directly across from the entrance to SCP-XXXX.	The mural changes to depict the current mayor of the city of Cleveland is, and on occasion, Moses Cleaveland is shown killing the mayor in a graphic manner.	Mural is signed by ███████ ██████████, a local artist; Foundation monitoring has found no association between ██████████ and the Dandelion Warhols.
SCP-XXXX-09	A semi-sentient feminine humanoid statuette, made entirely of pyrite	SCP-XXXX Main Street	Constantly refers to itself as "Credence Leonore Geilgud, of Ancient Druid Origins", and speaks solely in quotes from the movie Troll 2.	Currently in containment at Site-99
SCP-XXXX-11	A collection of over 2,000 action figures, mostly depicting comic book and movie characters, as well as various real-life cultural icons.	SCP-XXXX Main Street	SCP-XXXX-11 instances are animate, and constantly in open combat with one another, displaying the abilities of their fictional counterparts.	A large majority of these instances are of the Super Sentai/Power Rangers toy line. An action figure depicting [REDACTED] was found heavily mangled, with the words 'Fuck this meme in particular' written on it.
SCP-XXXX-25	A picture depicting an antagonist from the animated series Freakazoid	Trash bin in SCP-XXXX	Attempts to print the name of the depicted character (Candle Jack) results in further information being
SCP-XXXX-27	A damaged iPod Shuffle MP3 music player. All files on this object are from musicians or musical groups created or based in Cleveland Ohio, primarily Nine Inch Nails.	Medical clinic, approximately two kilometers within SCP-XXXX	Listening to sound files stored on SCP-XXXX-27 results in the inability to perceive songs by the band Smash Mouth for nine days.	Most likely used to counteract the effects of SCP-XXXX-31
SCP-XXXX-31	A large (3m diameter) loudspeaker, with an on/off switch on it. Turning it on causes a random song from the discography of the band Smash Mouth to play at a high volume.	A park within SCP-XXXX	When a song emitted from SCP-XXXX-31 is perceived, subjects will be compelled to repeat songs from the band Smash Mouth ad nauseum, until exposed to a counter-agent, such as those present on SCP-XXXX-27.	Pardon my unprofessional tone here, but: fucking millennials, Jesus Christ.- Dr. Carter
SCP-XXXX-35 A photograph of a dozen individuals, most of which correspond to known Persons of Interest under investigation by the Foundation A Picture Frame in Town Hall SCP-XXXX-35 causes all written information about it to be printed in as little physical space as possible
SCP-XXXX-40	[REDACTED]	An aquarium within an apartment building approximately 3.5 kilometers from SCP-XXXX entrance	[REDACTED]	Level 4 and higher personnel see addendum
SCP-XXXX-41	A 9mm Glock pistol	Within a destroyed apartment building	When fired, ammunition takes the form of a flag that has a full-body portrait of Gaston Glock printed on it, protruding from the barrel. Objects that SCP-XXXX-41 are aimed at are undamaged, but when aimed at a human being, the image of Glock on the flag develops injuries equivalent to those that would be present should an individual be hit with a 9mm round.	An item similar to this is in storage at Site-99; it was used at an art installment by the Dandelion Warhols called "The Portrait of Gaston Glock, or: You Have Killed Too Many In This City".
SCP-XXXX-46	A miniature toy of a stegosaurus, with a stamp from the Cleveland Museum of Natural History embossed on its underside	A small sandbox in SCP-XXXX	Animate and capable of speech; however, SCP-XXXX-46 only says facts about stegosaurid dinosaurs.	Loaned to the Site-99 paleontology department
SCP-XXXX-57	A three-meter tall red steel door	The ruins of a bombed apartment building	SCP-XXXX-57 was capable of opening regardless of its orientation or if it was mounted in a door frame. It led to a janitorial closet in the Tower City mall within downtown Cleveland; however, the aperture has been cut off since Foundation discovery.	We've found few bodies here; maybe this is how they got out?-Dr. Carter
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content

we may have gone a bit overboard. :x
honestly, the whole thing was an accident.
someone in the warhols made a loudspeaker that played smash mouth
it was a joke
got taken too far
we kind of blew up a backdoor
whoops
whoever finds this: sorry.

untitled

Nexus #: Nx-0018

Civilian Designation: Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin

Population: 21,214

Area Class: Shangri-La

Nexus Interaction Protocol: Civilians within Nx-0018 are fully aware of the anomalous nature of the area they populate, and have been encouraged to cooperate with Foundation personnel on matters pertaining to anomalies within the town. The populous of Nx-0018 is amicable, and have E-Personnel-Class Level knowledge of Foundation operations.

Due to the familiarity the majority of the citizens of Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin have with the anomalous, it has been deemed that amnestic exposure would be actively detrimental to their way of life. However, Nx-0018 is frequented by tourists during the summer and fall; during this time, agents are to discreetly administer Class-F amnestic to non-native individuals, and a subliminal signal is to be broadcasted through any broadcast-capable equipment around town to suppress the formation of memories related to anomalous events.

In the event that an individual from outside of Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin wishes to take up permanent residence, see Subsection 15, Appendix J of the Sloth's Pit zoning code.

Anomalies within Nx-0018 are widely varied, and are to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. However, there are several reoccurring, predicable anomalies (For an example, see Document Nx-0018-Apollo-15, aka "Gravity Fails") which can either be avoided or easily contained.

The following Holidays are not to be celebrated within Nx-0018 under any circumstances:

• Robert E. Lee's birthday (January 19th)
• National Library Worker's Day (April 21st)
• American Independence Day (July 4th)
• St. Nicholas's Day (December 6th)

Local bylaws are to dictate any punishment for attempting to celebrate these holidays.

Containment Facility: Site 87, Codenamed S & C Plastics, dedicated to Research and Development of Anomalous Containment Techonlogy, Headquarters of the Department of Multi-universal Affairs, and General Nexus Studies.

Description: Nx-018 is a city located in Douglas County, Wisconsin.

As a side effect of the combination of the two logical systems, several Unknown Anomalous Entities have appeared in the town since the Genesis event. Contact has been made with several of these UAEs, and all of them- particularly UAE-Chapman-341 ("The Goatman") and UAE-Chapam-342 ("Sinning Jessie)- show a great matter of disdain for the Foundation, related to Incident Nx-0018-Forest Green. The UAEs are not openly hostile towards residents of Nx-0018, but have been known to attempt to frighten civilians that venture into their territory, usually in wooded areas. As of writing, there have been zero casualties related to a UAE within Nx-0018 since at least 1952.

Collected Documents:

POI Nx-0018-Alpha: Jackson Sloth

Name: Jackson Marcus Sloth

Date of Birth: January 17th, 1847

Date of Death: December 25th, 1890

Reason(s) for Interest:

• Death occurred immediately prior to manifestation of Genesis event
• Several artifacts apparently owned by Jackson Sloth possess anomalous properties
• Burial marker in local cemetery has been moved at least ten times since death (body was not recovered following death, see file on Genesis event)
• Unknown Anomalous Entities within Nx-0018 treat Sloth with a great amount of reverence

Incident Nx-0018-Genesis:

The Genesis incident for Nx-0018 occurred on December 25th, 1890, following the conclusion of a Christmas party held by Jackson Sloth, the town's founder. Approximately an hour after the last guest left the premises, an earthquake occurred, damaging several buildings within New Toronto. The full effects of the quake would not be noticed until the next morning.

On December 26th, during a Boxing Day celebration, Jackson Sloth was notably absent. When he was sent for, Sloth's manor was found to have been entirely destroyed, having collapsed into an apparent sinkhole. Sloth's body was not recovered, nor were the bodies of his wife Harriet Manchester-Sloth or his youngest son Jasper Phineas Sloth; his daughter Caroline Sloth, was hospitalized for burns sustained from a kitchen fire a week previously.

Ihpkmn's Talebox
Ihpkmn's Talebox 2: Because The First One Kept Getting Full

Footnotes

1. An apparent pun on both "eunuch" and "unification".

2. An ethnic group which inhabited the British Isles from the Iron age through the Middle Ages, before splitting off into the Welsh, the Cornish, and the Bretons, among other groups.

3. The organization that would later become the Secret Intelligence Service, or MI6

4. This artifact, designated SCP-████, is believed to be among the Crown Jewels of England. The modern British Occult Service has declined to let the Foundation inspect the Crown Jewels for anomalies.

5. Kaiser Wilhelm II was the first cousin of King George V

6. A sample of SCP-XXXX-3's DNA, recovered from a lock of hair given to a Finnish soldier, shows genetic links to every other individual of Finnish descent; the implications of this are unclear.

7. A string instrument with origins in Finland.

8. A magical item present in the Kalevala, which serves as a good luck charm. The exact nature of the Sampo is unknown.

9. The German term used to refer to the 1914 Christmas Truce on the Western Front.

10. Referring to the British Special Operations Executive, or "Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare", an espionage group active during the Second World War

11. Literally "mountain rapture".

12. Dated video game slang meaning to 'kill', particularly with explosives, such as fragmentation grenades.

13. The 'trap' in question was a foam dart gun set up to fire when Dr. McDonnagh attempted to access their e-mail.

14. This was automatically unlocked by all Foundation personnel who signed up fro the AW Credit Program.

15. Earned by Dr. Alden following the funeral of his father.

16. This was unlocked by Dr. Elena Pregler, a para-pharmacologist who regularly uses lab mice in their tests. Dr. Pregler has shown no signs of intentional cruelty towards their lab animals.

17. This product does not exist; however, testing with SCP-261 produced an instance of this beverage approximately one week prior to this task becoming active, which was sent to Site-21 for testing.

18. Reward not actually from imbibing beverage, rather, from inputting a code found underneath the cap. Next earned SCP-3xxx-1 instance included several Mountain Dew-branded items.

19. Earned by accident when Dr. Marguerite Gibbons spilled boiling water on her husband when preparing dinner. Charles Gibbons suffered second degree burns on his hands and feet, but made a full recovery.

20. Believed to be stand for Relativistic Kill Vehicle, AKA kinetic bombardment weaponry. This technology has proven infeasible, both in construction and deployment, even with Foundation resources.

21. Due to the low germination rate of seeds from SCP-3xxx-1, this has proven impossible to complete at this time.

22. Name is shared with the online handle of an independent game creator, responsible for the creation of a popular horror game based off of the Holders Series creepypasta franchise. They have no knowledge of the Foundation's existence.

23. Site-21 does not store high-risk Keter-class objects, and as such, an on-site nuclear device has never been installed.

24. Egyptian tradition dictated that the brain was a useless organ, which was removed and discarded during the mummification process. The heart was believed to be the seat of consciousness, and was the sole organ left in the body.

25. Analysis of SCP-4xxx indicates that Alexandra McGrath died of lung cancer.

26. The Ancient Egyptian name for Egypt, literally meaning 'the Black Land', referring to its fertile soil. "Kemetism", an Egyptian revivalist belief system, is derived from this word.

27. At this point, a large hole was burned into the paper, partially obstructing the above lines. Only part of a "𓁛" hieroglyph remains.

28. Named for Foundation paraphysicist Dr. Marianne "Mimi" Augustine, who proposed the invention of such a device in 1992.

29. Polish for "Solidarity".

30. Dr. Nowak was a Foundation employee at this time, and did work on an early Artificial Intelligence; however, work on his AI Project was halted due to his death in 1961.

31. Nine-limbed

32. To ensure maximum productive efficiency during work shifts while still permitting time for reading and reflection during work shifts, the use of a Type-2B Mobile Lectern is recommended. See Schema, Volume 9.13.M-72.

33. The Inventors-Faithful have embarked on the Quest for Quantitative Cognition in search of a numerical understanding of this process. For further details and updated information, see Schema Volume 19.102.O-101.

34. Records of those Standardized designs accepted by the Church Patriarchs from Inventors-Faithful, as well as lay Brothers and Sisters, are to be found in the Indices of Standardization, Schema Volumes 7 and 8.

35. For Standardized Metallurgy and Alloy Production, see Schema Volume 13.

36. The Type-1 Mark II* Standardized Cognition Engine is still in Production due to its low material cost and reliability, although it is rapidly being superceded by the Type-2 Mark I Advanced Standardized Cognition Engine, as used by the Schematists-Faithful, who favour its enhanced recall and psychological stability characteristics. For design documents and a comparative analysis of all current and past Standardized Cognition Engines, see Schema, Volume 11.02.A-05 through 243.

37. For records of the current Quests assigned to Church Type-19 Mark-I Sentient Analytical Engines, see Schema Volume 20.147.V-01. For records of completed Quests and ongoing Quests assigned to Type-18 and -17 (and all derivative Marks) Sentient Analytical Engines, see Schema Volume 20.68.B-39.

38. For the conclusive results of the Quest to Determine the Ideal Circumstances for the Production of Thought by Saint-Schematist Platen and Saint-Inventor Diaphragm, see Schema Volume 19.21.H-02.

39. Questers of the Inventors-Faithful recommend the use of a Type-1 Mark I Holy Spatial Fabric Regulator of Saint Scranton, to minimize the risk of Unintended Spatial Events during the Invention of any Technologies incorporating Spatial Fabric Alteration (Standardized) components. Schema Volume 19.57.A-12 and Volume 9.02.B-09 contain further information on the Relics of Saint Scranton.

40. Type-5 Tools incorporated cutting, drilling, rasping and thermal welding components, but were found to be overly complex in harsh-environment conditions and were later superseded by the Type-5 Mark II General Maintenance Tools. See Schema, Volume 11.08.H-20.

41. Type-1C Personal Weapon Attachments incorporate deployable close-combat cutting edges and a Type 2E Mark III* Increased-Density Bludgeoning Impactor. These Standardized attachments are basic equipment for all Cathedral Legates and Militant worshippers. See Schema, Volume 11.08.I-19.

42. The Type-1D Mark II* Epicyclic Gearbox distinguishes itself by the inclusion of Spatial Fabric Alteration (Standardized) technology, and produces non-Euclidean internal geometries which allow for compact gear layouts on a much larger scale than anything previously attempted. See Schema, Volume 12.01.A-2.

43. Standardized Measurement and Drafting Ocular Receptors. See Schema, Volume 11.08.H-04.

44. Replaced the Type-3 Mark IV Dental Cutting Tools, after their Rotary Abrasion System was found to cause catastrophic damage to non-Standardized biological components in implantees, especially during moments of increased stress or surprise. For casualty lists and design documents, see Schema, Volume 11.08.I-22 through 25.

45. All current Steam Driver weapons technology and design is descended from the Type-1 Mark 0, developed during the Cleansing of the Cathedral by Brother-Militant Frizzen. Though the Mark 0 was a simple 1.5-meter-long Standardized Type-6 High-Pressure Steam Pipe fitted to a Standardized Type-3 Mark XI* Very-High-Pressure Steam Compressor, it proved extremely apt at launching 30-cm Type-1 Mark II Dense Bonding Rivets at high velocities. For development information, see Schema, Volume 17.29.B-07.

46. See Schema, Volume 11.08.I-19.

47. At the time, all Faithful were equipped with Type-5 Auditory Amplifiers, which utilized newly-invented Type-4 Mark XII Tympanic Vibratory Membranes. See Schema, Volume 11.08.H-05.

48. Type 1A Mark II* Semi-Epicyclic Gearboxes utilize the same Spatial Fabric Alteration (Standardized) machinery as the Type-1D Mark II* Epicyclic Gearbox, scaled down for personal Standardization. See Schema, Volume 11.08.H-01.

49. A 15% improvement in waste heat recovery over the Type-18K. See Schema, Volume 9.13.M-76.

50. A shortening of Machairodontinae, the subfamily of Felidae which contained smilodons.

51. Navajo creation mythology, literally "The Story of the People"

52. lit. "by means of it, [he or she] goes on all fours". The term refers to individuals from Navajo mythology capable of changing into animals, and usually do so to commit harmful acts.

53. As per Oliphant v. Suquamish Indian Tribe, a 1978 US Supreme Court case which ruled that peoples on Native American reservations do not have the inherent authority try and punish non-natives.

54. From 1982-1984, the Atari corporation held a contest related to the Swordquest series, with five prizes worth a total of $150,000 American; to win, players had to uncover hidden messages hidden in the games Swordquest: Earthworld, Fireworld, Waterworld, and Airworld. The prizes were a golden medallion, a chalice, a crown, and a piece of white jade in a gold case (dubbed a 'philosopher's stone' by marketing materials) were each valued at $25,000. The final prize, a sword with a gold hilt and silver blade, was valued at $50,000. The crown, stone, and sword were never awarded, due to Atari's financial troubles in the mid-1980s.

55. colloquially known as a 'yin-yang' symbol

56. Mr. Wright's wife.

57. A named shared with a test subject for the Peregrine I flight, a test of faster-than-light technology aiming to reach Neptune and return within a single day; contact with Peregrine I was lost on the return trip

58. A suspected center of Martian civilization; knowledge about this is known through several anomalies related to Mars.

59. A race appearing in Star Trek and a planet mentioned in Doctor Who, respectively

60. A paraphilia in which individuals are romantically or sexually attracted to non-humanoid machines, such as vehicles

61. Any automobile can be affected by SCP-XXXX, including cars, farm equipment, and, in one case, a bulldozer.