Ihpkmn

CAN = Confirmed Abnormal Nexus
CART = Concrete Anomaly- Ready to Transport

SCPs

Avatar of Hunger

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3xxx is to be kept in a climate-controlled coffin in Reliquary Site-25. Due to ethical concerns, no testing is to be carried out using SCP-3xxx; results of previous tests, and all material recovered with it, are available for the perusal of all members of site personnel.

While SCP-3xxx does not constitute a known biohazard unless consumed, individuals working in the biomass storage wing of Reliquary Site-25 are to undergo regular nutritional health screenings, and are subject to random monitoring of their caloric intake over a 72 hour period.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to the remains of a human male of French descent who died circa 1798. Upon containment, SCP-3xxx's left leg was missing, believed to have been separated from their cadaver and consumed some time between 1800 and 1815.

SCP-3xxx shows incredible amounts of deformation in the abdominal cavity and mandibles, suggesting that several organs and pieces of tissue were displaced or deformed in life. Records from 1798 indicate that in life, SCP-3xxx had a massively deformed digestive tract to the point that the stomach could be viewed through the esophagus— though no exact measurements were taken at the time, modern estimates are that SCP-3xxx's stomach was approximately seven times the size of an average human's.

SCP-3XXX's anomalous properties manifest when an individual prepares part of the remains as a meal intended for human consumption; in its current state, the most viable way to prepare a meal from SCP-3xxx is as ingredients for a broth. Individuals who consume this meal show signs of a unique severe compulsive eating disorder, dubbed by DeWeese, LaPerle, et al as "Gastromania Universalis".

Individuals who suffer from Gastromania Universalis report an intense hunger, and will attempt to consume any material that can be fit into their mouths, edible or inedible. Subjects appear to have a slightly increased metabolic rate as a result of massive, forced caloric intake, often consuming in excess of 100,000kcal per day of edible material, and several cubic meters of inedible material. As a result, extreme physiological changes will occur.

• The facial cheeks of the subjects will greatly distend to the point where each cheek is capable of holding approximately 3L³ of matter.
• The stomach and esophagus will greatly distend as a result of the sheer volume of matter consumed; as an indirect result, some inedible materials may settle in the stomach and act as gastroliths, even if non-mineral in nature. Observed gastrolithic materials have included shards of bone, metals that do not fully dissolve in the gastric acid, various bezoars of hair, fur and fingernails, undigested plastic, and in one case, dissolved silicon from the consumption of several cell phones.
• The subject's lower abdomen will distend greatly, but will not retain mass, and instead result in large flaps of skin hanging off of their torso; testing has shown that some intestinal matter will have distended into these flaps.
• Gastric acid present in the stomach will decrease in average pH from 1.5-3.5 to approximately 1.0-1.5 due to the consumption of inedible, possibly toxic materials. While still in relatively normal range for stomach acid, subjects will suffer from severe, albeit treatable, acid reflux. As a result of the decrease in pH and the subsequent reflux, the subject will start emitting a foul, acidic odor from their nose and mouth.

Several studies over the course of ten years have determined that the physical symptoms of Gastromania Universalis is not inherently anomalous, and have the potential to manifest, albeit in less extreme forms, in individuals with non-anomalous binge eating disorders.

SCP-3xxx was discovered following the discovery of several malformed corpses dated to the early 1800s embedded in the walls of a house in Versailles, France. Originally treated as an archaeological curiosity, one of the individuals interred was found to have apparently swallowed a box of yew wood containing a solid gold fork, several metacarpals and metatarsals that are believed to have belonged to at least two six-month-old infants, a piece of bone that has since been identified as being part of SCP-3xxx's left ankle, and a small, leather book with writing by an "M. Duveaux", last dated to 1815. The contents of this book are reproduced below, fully translated.

The box itself was covered in intricate carvings depicting an unknown being with the head of an unknown, unnamed entity with the head of a rodent, portrayed in the style of murals dating to the Middle Kingdom of Egypt. This entity, referred to as "Ipenewat" in the text of the journal, is shown consuming several corpses and leaving behind individuals whose appearance is consistent with deformations resultant from Gastromania Universalis.

Furthermore, the box was found to have large amounts of hemlock oil soaked into the wood— while mostly evaporated, the amount present upon the box when it was originally consumed would have proved fatal within less than three hours.

WARNING: Graphic Content Within. Personnel Who Are Uncomfortable With Explicit Text and Imagery Involving Mutilation, Torture, and Death May Read The Summary Below.

The Journal of M. Duveaux

Show Content of Journal

The incarnation is dead. His carcass reeked to high hell when they finally took him out of the hospital— they thought to burn him, but I convinced them to allow us to take it for examination. It was magnificent— his flesh was almost melting off of him, but some drying in natron and draining the liquids cured his body of that. We fed his juices to the curs on the street, and they seem unaffected.

The rites call for first making the body itself fallow and barren, and letting the basest of creatures consume its seed— what is more base than a human? We are but leeches on the back of the world, and the world shall feed on us again. We were born from rat shit, and to rat shit we shall return. We are the food of Ipenewat.

C. will have the honor of making the incarnation barren— I envy her in this regard. I've only tasted the berries once, and the thought of chewing on them again makes me weak.

C. has fulfilled the second part of the rites— she has eaten of the incarnation, and from this, has gained some of its hunger. The cat two houses down fled, no doubt sensing her voracious intent. More mice for C.

She brought a guest for the dinner proper, a drunkard who was convinced she was a common harlot. The alcohol made his liver unpalatable, and it dulled his pain enough that he did not even scream when L. plunged his hand in and drew out his kidneys. A shame, but he did not go to waste— we laid his largely empty carcass in the body of the incarnation, great and wide it is. The prayer was spoken, and L. fulfilled the rite of the sinister foot. I heard him crunch into his dried skin, like a snail's shell being crushed in my teeth. I couldn't help but grin. Now, every step he takes, the world trembles with the force of a thousand black hooves.

C. has given into the ecstasy of the hunger. I had to restrain the poor girl after she ate all of the raw grain, and tried amputating her hand. A few pints of cattle blood sated her for the day, and still she sobbed, begging for more to sate her hunger. Ipenewat has laid in her bed, and rests in her womb. Perhaps the incarnation will be reborn from her loins.

She's eaten the leather on one of her straps. I applied a laxative immediately— we cannot have tainted, treated flesh within her bowels, lest Famine frown upon us. The parlor stinks. I've been burning incense for six hours.

D. and M. scattered salt on a dozen fields on their way down from Paris, marking the sacred shape, the ever-gaping maw. Even now, I hear whispers of men being found with their legs bitten off, trying to clear the sacred salt. It is a shame that M.'s second stomach is causing him such pain— he won't be able to properly partake in the ritual until October, at the very least.

Still, they did bring gifts— M. brought along three barrels of lamb's blood, one of which was half-empty. He convinced to partaking, the old drunk. As penance, he let the rest of his portions be fed to Ipenewat's messengers.

C. meanwhile was visited by Ipenewat in the night— I awoke to find her covered in bites from his children, his rats. She had pieces of rat flesh from her mouth, a true blessing. They are allowing her to consume them, a sure sign the ritual is working. One even crawled into her mouth, head-first, as I observed. There is something satisfying about the crunch of bone and the taste of brain that I cannot even begin to comprehend— the wasted meat is the sweetest.

I learned today that, in his life, the incarnation ate at least two human whelps. Awful, horrible, disgusting. A waste of potential life and livestock— one does not kill a newborn lamb, one waits for it to grow and then slaughters it for its sweetest meats.

The drunkard's body has had time to settle in the body of the incarnation. The recipe that D. came up with for the ritual is a variation on the original, but it should retain its sanctity— take the skin of the drunkard and wrap it around what remains of the sinister leg, then break it off and bake it in the dried skin. The rest of the drunkard's meat will not go to waste; C's birthday is soon, and she has often complimented me on my roasts. The hunger has been driving her to chew at her own flesh, and while I am grateful to Ipenewat for his bounty, she cannot live on your children alone.

I almost killed D. He broke all of our spice jars. Nothing irreplaceable, but it will take days to re-sanctify it all, and I took some of his blood for this particular rite. Not all of it, but enough that he couldn't walk. M. has ducked out to get new spices.

Prayer for the Meal

Ipenewat, grant us salvation from consumption eternal. As our bodies are consumed, our shadow cannot be cast, our heart has no seat, our name is lost, and our five-part soul is destroyed. Your incarnations of hunger grant us the ability to consume all, and in doing so, ensure their freedom from the gullets of the gods.

M. took far too long with the spices. They are sanctified, and I gave some of my meal to C, who was on the verge of eating her own tongue. She had already chewed part of it off.

I feel ill.

Laxative in the food

They cut C.'s throat. Even as she screams, they are interring her in stone. I do not know them— they do not wear any flag I recognize, but their skin might be Grecian. M. is among them, clutching a pouch that jingles with the sound of coins.

The hunger has taken me enough that I can spare myself C and D's fate. I have enough hemlock in my abode to poison all of France. They dare not destroy a relic such as the incarnation's corpse. May others continue the work of Ipenewat the Ravenous.

Show Non-Graphic Journal Summary

Passage 1

Duveaux begins by describing the death of an individual known as the "Incarnation", evidently SCP-3xxx, and how they saved the corpse from being burned, preserving it in natron and draining it of its juices— a diagram found on the box containing the journal indicates that they were using techniques similar to Egyptian mummification circa 1850 BCE. Duveaux compares himself, and humanity in general, to base creatures, leeches on the back of the world. The name "Ipenewat" appears for the first time.

An individual known as "C" is stated to make the incarnation "barren" by consuming a body part; due to language used describing this part, it can be assumed that "C" consumed the gametes of SCP-3xxx. Animals are described as fleeing from the area following this, which Duveaux attributes to them being able to sense the hunger emanating from "C".

Passage 2

This part of the journal describes the sacrifice and partial consumption of an inebriated individual by a cultist referred to as "L", who does not reappear in the journal. Following the consumption, the body is placed within SCP-3xxx to further the process of meal preparation. L is described as performing the "Rite of the Sinister Foot". While not elaborated upon, this may instead be the be the "rite of the left foot"— the dialect of French used here is antiquated, and does not appear to differentiate between the concepts of "sinistre" as being both the direction left and being an adjective denoting an ill omen. L. is described as having an ominous, intimidating presence about him following this.

Passage 3

C. begins showing signs of Gastromania Universalis, which Duveaux refers to as the "Ecstasy of Hunger". After eating raw grain and attempting to amputate her hand, Duveaux restrained her, and describes the figure of Ipenewat as having lain with C.

Immediately after, Duveaux describes having to administer a laxative to C. following her consumption of a leather strap, presumably restraining her. He describes the leather as 'tainted and treated', and that the parlor 'stinks' because of her.

Passage 4

Two new individuals, "D" and "M", are introduced, having been described as salting fields in a particular shape on their way from Paris to Versailles; contemporary accounts show that several fields were salted or otherwise destroyed by an unknown party or parties from 1803 to 1809. Maps of the fields show now known occult pattern emerging among the plots, suggesting the symbols were on a smaller scale. M. is described as having a 'second stomach'.

D and M brought barrels of lamb's blood as a gift, one of which was half-consumed by M, whom Duveaux refers to as an "old drunk".

C. is described as being visited by Ipenwat in the night, with several rats crawling on her and seemingly feeding themselves to her, one of them crawling in head-first before being consumed. Of note, Duveaux refers to the meat of the brain as 'wasted meat', which corresponds with an Ancient Egyptian belief that the brain was essentially useless, both anatomically and spiritually, and was thrown away during mummification.

Passage 5

Duveaux writes about SCP-3xxx with disgust after learning that, in life, they had consumed at least two infants. He talks about it being a 'waste of potential life and livestock'.

The drunkard's body from passage two is referenced, apparently having had enough time to prepare. Details about the preparation of the actual meal are discussed, and how the "Sinister Leg" is to be consumed first. Some of the drunkard is intended to be saved for C.'s birthday, where it will be served as a roast. C. herself has apparently eaten several rats, but cannot live on "[Ipenewat's] children alone".

Duveaux expresses rage at D. for breaking several spice jars, which were apparently sanctified. M. goes to retrieve new spices, while Duveaux bemoans how long the ritual to re-sanctify the spices will take.

Passage 6:

A prayer to Ipenewat, which has been reproduced below:

Ipenewat, grant us salvation from consumption eternal. As our bodies are consumed, our shadow cannot be cast, our heart has no seat, our name is lost, and our five-part soul is destroyed. Your incarnations of hunger grant us the ability to consume all, and in doing so, ensure their freedom from the gullets of the gods.

Passages 7-9:

Duveaux describes how M. returned with the spices, after taking an inordinately long amount of time. C. is described as having chewed off part of her own tongue.

Following this, Duveaux complains of feeling ill— the parts of SCP-3xxx which were consumed were laced with a laxative. The last entry describes how Duveaux has seen C. having her throat cut by an unknown group of individuals, apparently Greek in origin, having worked with D. in order to eliminate the cult. C., M., and Duveaux are apparently due to be interred in stone. Duveaux states his intent to commit suicide by ingestion of hemlock, and says that the organization "dare not destroy a relic" such as SCP-3xxx. The last line is "May others continue the work of Ipenewat the Ravenous".

The "The Moon Landing Was Faked" is Fake

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class:

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx is an infohazardous meme which relates to the Apollo Lunar Landing Missions undertaken by NASA in the late 1960s and early 1970s did not occur, and all footage and records related to the Apollo missions is fraudulent in some manner.

Worldbuilding, Lore and You

The wiki is officially over a decade old. In that time, we've come from our humble roots as creepypasta to a community with an actual fanbase and multi-part stories, which span across dozens of tales, SCPs, and canons.

For a lot of these extended stories, especially tales, one needs a concrete setting. For this to be present, one needs to build a world, and that's exactly what this essay is gonna talk about today: the topic of worldbuilding in regards to the SCP-verse.

Part 1: Three Portlands, Infinite Possibilities

I took a hiatus from the wiki for a good part of 2016, and when I came back, one of the largest additions I found was the Third Law canon. While I've not read a lot of it, I can tell that this is probably one of the best efforts of worldbuilding on the wiki. And it accomplishes this by borrowing from other worlds that have already been built.

That's the great

Web Of Murder

Agents of the WEBCUTTER joint task force excavate a dump site in Vermont related to SCP-3xxx, 2011.

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Information relating murders that follow the modus operandi of the SCP-3xxx-A released to the public are to exclude all information related to the states of the bodies. Individuals responsible for cataloging evidence related to the SCP-3xxx-A crimes (police officers, members of the medical examiner's office) are to be administered amnestics as appropriate, and information regarding the bodies is to be modified to a degree that it is rendered non-anomalous.

Individuals who are part of Task Force WEBCUTTER are to be given monthly physical and psychological exams. In the event that any agent shows signs of being affected by SCP-3xxx, they are to be immediately contained and sent to Site-92 for treatment. New personnel joining WEBCUTTER are to be given a standard Euler-Melbourne Memetic Hazard Resistance Test (Or simply Euler-Melbourne Test); individuals who score lower than a threshold of 74 are to be reassigned.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to a memetic anomaly which manifests in information related to murders fitting the modus operandi of the ████████ Bay Binder (tentatively designated SCP-3xxx-A), a serial murderer who was active in the New England region of the United States from 1993-2000. Specifically, SCP-3xxx has the ability to manifest in any written descriptions, artistic and photographic depictions, fictionalized or dramatized portrayals, and speech that depicts or describes a body mutilated in the manner which is consistent with SCP-3xxx-A's MO.

SCP-3xxx-susceptible individuals (designated SCP-3xxx-S) who are exposed to SCP-3xxx are designated SCP-3xxx-B. Upon infection, SCP-3xxx-B subjects will begin to develop several behaviors that were not previously observed in the subject, most prominently trichophagia, mucophagia,¹ and a strong aversion to insects, bordering on a entomophobia.² Of note, while arachnophobia is often comorbid with entomophobia, SCP-3xxx-B individuals more often show signs of arachnophilia, actively seeking out venomous species of spider. This is possibly related to [DATA EXPUNGED].

SCP-3xxx-B subjects will, eventually, be compelled to carry out at least one murder matching the MO of SCP-3xxx-A. The amount of murders carried out by SCP-3xxx-B subjects is unknown, but is believed to be between 150 and 200. Information on murders carried out by SCP-3xxx-B act as a further vector for this meme.

Due to the nature of SCP-3xxx, the MO is stored separately from the main document; see Addendum 3xxx-12.

SCP-3xxx-S have several common criteria, out of thirty-nine observed instances:

• 100% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals are both biologically male at birth, and identify as male.
• 100% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals have lived somewhere in the New England region of the United States for more than five years.
• 100% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals are Caucasian.
• 92% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals have brunette hair.
• 89% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals are between the ages of 15 and 32.
• 89% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals have, at some point in their life, have had an intimate relationship with an individual of the same gender.
• 53% of SCP-3xxx-S individuals have had three or fewer instances of consensual sexual intercourse in their life.

Addendum: An abridged account of the ████████ Bay Binder: The name "████████ Bay Binder" was coined by the ████████ Bay Chronicle following the discovery of the first five victims over the course of March to September 1993. The last victim attributed to the Binder was believed to have died in July 2000, with little connection between the victims. No attempt was made by the individual committing these crimes to contact law enforcement or the media.

The murders only occurred from Mid-March to Mid-October, and occurred more frequently in areas with high arachnid populations. Victims ranged in age from twenty to forty-five. All but one victim was female; the sole male victim, found in 1997, was attributed to a copycat prior to the discovery of SCP-3xxx.

Forty-one victims were attributed to the ████████ Bay Binder in a range encompassing Vermont, New Hampshire, southern Maine and northern coastal Massachusetts; however, the number of victims may be higher than seventy. The killings were listed as an Item of Interest to the Foundation, due to their unique nature, but were considered to be non-anomalous.

Information pertaining to the ████████ Bay Binder was publicly known for the duration of their active period, and was in the public consciousness for several years afterwards, due to the bizarre nature of the murders. The killings have formed the basis for episodes of several American crime drama and police procedural television programs, such as the 2005 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode "Web of Murder", the 2008 Bones episode "The Name in the Nostril", and the 2009 Criminal Minds episode "Said the Spider".³

The true identity (or possibly identities) of this individual has never been ascertained. Due to the profile formed by SCP-3xxx-B individuals, it is assumed that the individual/individuals who carried out the original murders were similar in appearance and background.

Discovery: SCP-3xxx's first known manifestation was in 2008, when a series of apparent copycat murders began in █████, Maryland, home of Harold Kingsmith, an FBI profiler who worked on the ████████ Bay Binder case in the 1990s. Kingsmith had gone missing 24 hours prior to the discovery of the first body, which belonged to his wife Dana Quill-Kingsmith. Two further bodies were discovered before Kingsmith was apprehended attempting to dispose of a fourth victim.

Kingsmith was later interviewed by a Unusual Incidents Unit agent, William Boston.

Boston: Mr. Kingsmith, I'm Agent Boston, Unusual Incidents.

(Kingsmith is not responsive, and remains seated.)

Boston: You've had quite the career in the bureau. You were one of John Douglas's proteges,⁴ helped work UNABOM⁵. The Binder was one of your last cases.

(Kingsmith remains unresponsive)

Boston: (sighs.) Okay. I've got a list of phrases here that I'm going to read off. Guys above me say that this should… well, this might get a reaction out of you, depending on what happened.

Boston: It is raining in Gilgamesh, Ohio. (Pauses; no reaction from Kingsmith) Okay. Are We Cool Yet? (No reaction from Kingsmith.) Huh. You guys might have to edit this down, this could take a while.

(The next twenty-four minutes consist of Agent Boston reading various memetic trigger phrases to Kingsmith. They have been excised for the sake of brevity.)

Boston: Hotel Babylon has closed its doors. The wagtail has returned. Athena's loom is shattered. Pandora's box vomits—

(Kingsmith begins picking at their nose as the phrase 'Athena's loom is shattered' is spoken.)

Boston: Okay, that got a reaction. Let's see, 'Athena's loom' corresponds to— oh shit.

Kingsmith: We never caught him.

Boston: What?

Kingsmith: We never caught the Binder. (Kingsmith's picking at nose intensifies, and begins to draw blood) I caught him, though. Like you catch the clap. I. I had to. They were begging for it. For me to [REDACTED] their insides, but it wasn't me, it was never me.

Kingsmith: I'm sorry I ever made fun of your unit. You can handle this. I can't.

(At this point, Kingsmith was suffering a massive nasal hemorrhage, and paramedics on standby entered the room to staunch the bleeding. Kingsmith has been unresponsive to further interview attempts, both by Foundation and Unusual Incidents personnel.)

Formation of Task Force "WEBCUTTER": Originally, the "Discovery" Incident was categorized as an Extranormal Event. However, following two further incidents in Maine (the perpetrators of which remain unaccounted for), a joint Foundation-Unusual Incidents Unit task force, codenamed "WEBCUTTER", was formed. The goal of WEBCUTTER is to contain all instances of SCP-3xxx-B subjects, develop a memetic vaccine for SCP-3xxx, and obfuscate reports of SCP-3xxx activity to prevent further spread of the anomaly. Furthermore, it is to work with other units of the FBI (specifically the Behavioral Analysis Unit and the Evidence Response Team) to investigate reports of activity related to the original Binder.

Currently, the WEBCUTTER task force is comprised of twenty non SCP-3xxx-S personnel, including:

Foundation Personnel:

• Lt. Dr. Kyle Jobar — SCP-3xxx containment specialist
• Dr. Urmd Abdul— Forensic Anthropologist
• Dr. Wendell Alder— Forensic Biologist and Autopsy Technician
• Dr. Helena Bloom— Memeticist
• Dr. Sophia Fitzgerald— Memeticist
• Hobert Brennan— Investigative Agent

FBI Personnel:

• Cpl. Alexander Mooney — Task Force Chief
• Dr. Edgar Park— Special Agent, PhD in Psychology
• Dr. Meghan Scott— Forensic Analyst and Autopsy Technician
• Stella Abbey— Special Agent, Liaison to the Anomalous Community of the United States (LACUS)
• Leslie Jefferson— Special Agent and Press Liaison

Publicly, WEBCUTTER is a task force investigating the possible reemergence of the Binder, or a copycat killer.

---

Collected Findings and Recordings of WEBCUTTER:

Autopsy Report of Jane Doe #001:

Deceased: Jane Doe DOB: Unknown DOD: 5/9/2009

Address: Unknown State: MA Zip: [REDACTED] Age: Late 20s Sex: F

Race: Hispanic

Height: 137cm Weight: 54kg Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Build: Petite

Scars and Amputations: [REDACTED] removed post-mortem.

Description of Decedent's Clothing: Naked; arms and feet bound in [REDACTED], facial openings (except for nostrils) covered in same manner.

Manner: Homicide

Cause: Suffocation by introduction of [REDACTED] to sinus cavity and trachea.

---

Dr. Adler: Recording's up. This is Dr. Wendell Adler. It is the twelfth of May, 2009. I am conducting an autopsy on a Jane Doe related to the Binder killings. With me is my equivalent from the Unusual Incidents Unit, Dr. Morgan Scott—

Dr. Scott: Meghan. Not Morgan.

Dr. Adler: Apologies. Primary toxicological screenings have found trace amounts of latrotoxin in the system, in higher concentrations than in previously recorded victims. No signs of symptoms related to latrodectism are present in the body, suggesting that the subject died prior to the symptoms manifesting.

Dr. Scott: Ms. Doe is in poor condition; something got at her good. We've been unable to determine whether [REDACTED] was removed by human teeth, or a scavenging animal. Due to the apparent MO of our Unknown Subject, I will begin by examining the nasal cavities. Where's that endoscope?

Dr. Adler: Hold on, it's up here. Let me set it up to record.

Dr. Scott: I've handled one of these before, thank you. All right, I'm going to enter the subject's trachea through their nasal cavity…

Dr. Adler: Wait, what's that?

Dr. Scott: Huh? Oh. Holy shit. Are those [REDACTED]?

Dr. Adler: Wrong time of year for them. Too early.

Dr. Scott: Could be another type of growth. I'm going to get a closer look.

(At this point, Dr. Scott's endoscope makes contact with the [REDACTED] in the subject's sinus. Startled, Scott removes the endoscope abruptly, tearing open the sinus cavity and exposing the [REDACTED]. Dr. Adler grabs an acetylene torch and attempts to incinerate the [REDACTED] emerging from the cadaver. The cavdaver's face is destroyed beyond any possibility of reconstruction. Dr. Adler was reprimanded for destroying evidence.)

(Further endoscopic inspection of cadavers linked to SCP-3xxx are to be carried out only with joint approval from Lt. Jobar and Agent Mooney.)

Excerpt from Audio Diary of Edgar Park:

Park: It is Thursday, May 21st, 2009. This is my fourth entry into this diary. God knows who I'm recording this for; either my guys or the Foundation's are gonna redact all of it.

When I was at Quantico, one of the things that was made clear to us: the FBI, not just Unusual Incidents, is a bunch of fuckups. Mulder and Scully aren't absurd because they hunt bigfoot and aliens; they're absurd because they get shit done. It's 80% paperwork, maybe more; one of my first assignments in training was to write an archival request so I could access a gallery of shit that's been sent to Manson over the years. I… failed that.

When it comes to serial killers, we've dropped the ball more times than we've got it. BTK⁶ got away for over a decade after his spree ended, and he was the one that provided the shit that put him away.⁷ We're just as clueless about Zodiac, and a bunch of fucked up shit happens in Cleveland that we don't know about.

Point is: We don't have the best track record when it comes to normal serial killers. It's even worse when you start bringing carts, cans, and other shit into the picture.

(Indistinct speech is heard)

Get me a quarter-pounder and a chocolate shake.

Where was I? Right. The FBI are fuckups when it comes to serial killers; we've only had to deal with one anomalous one in the past, thank Christ. MI-Triple-6⁸ had to deal with a pair of them in Liverpool back in oh-two, so I'm trying to figure out how they handled them.

The Binder's one of the worst loose ends when it comes to New England. Hopefully, we can at least catch the original one and put this shit to rest.

I'm gonna smoke and wait for the guys to get back with food. Park out.

---

SCP-3xxx Outbreak in the Greater Boston Area, October 2009:

The outbreak coincided with the airing episode of the American crime procedural Criminal Minds, featuring a serial murderer killing using animal venom. A character in the program draws comparisons between the "Unsub" antagonist and the Binder in the first act of the episode, which acted as a vector for SCP-3xxx. This episode, titled "Said the Spider", was immediately removed from circulation.

The first killing was reported in the Jamaica Plain neighborhood. A twenty-one year-old female was discovered in their home, found with all [REDACTED] removed, consistent with the M.O. of SCP-3xxx-1.

Transcript of Audio from a Search of the Jamaica Plain Address

Agent Jefferson: Just got off the phone with the Globe. They've agreed to not print the story for the time being. What've you guys found?

Agent Park: Whole bunch of these. Sound of objects rattling around in plastic containers.

Agent Jefferson: Cold meds? Lot of nighttime ones, too. You could knock out a whale with this much stuff.

Agent Brennan: And there's enough tissues in the trash cans to reconstruct a genetic profile from either nasal drainage or semen.

Agent Park: Jesus, man, where's your filter?

Agent Jefferson: Is that where she was hang—

Agent Brennan: Ahem. Loudly taps the recording device. Possible vector.

Agent Jefferson: Why doesn't just seeing the body make us want to act it out? Why does it have to be described to us?

Agent Brennan: That's for Bloom and Fitzgerald to figure out. Anyone living with the victim?

Agent Park: Signs of co-habitation; boxers in the laundry, two toothbrushes, bunch of birth control. So it looks like her partner's the culprit.

Agent Jefferson: There's no pictures in the house, or any electronics that could save a photograph— laptop, phone, anything. Never seen them be this meticulous.

Agent Park: Even memetic psychopaths leave fingerprints, Les. Let's get out of here before we trample the crime scene any more; Meg's plane will be here soon.

A survey of the victim's house identified the cohabitant, and Person of Interest in this manifestation of SCP-3xxx, as Linus Planter, who fits the profile of an SCP-3xxx-S subject with 98.99% certainty. Interviews with family members led the Foundation to believe that Planter had been suffering from a respiratory infection prior to the murder of his romantic partner.

The second body was rendered unidentifiable, with the body being found in pieces, suspended in several trees around the Walden Pond State Reservation; this was a strong deviation from the MO of SCP-3xxx-B individuals, who had previously [REDACTED]. However, it was found that all [REDACTED] was absent from the corpse, and the hypothesis was put forward that Planter had placed the fragments for later consumption of the remaining [REDACTED] tissue.

Transcript of Video Recording of the Apprehension of Linus Planter

[Agents of WEBCUTTER have placed cameras in the trees surrounding the pond that have had [REDACTED] placed in them. Seven cameras are present; only four are relevant to the events that occurred.]

[Camera 1 shows Agents Park and Abbey conversing in the Walden Pond visitor's center while looking at a laptop monitor broadcasting the feed from the cameras.]

Abbey: You know why I hate Thoreau?

Park: Because he was an incomprehensible writer?

Abbey: That, and he was a hypocrite. Talked so much about living in tune with nature, and then he goes and starts a wildfire. Nearly burned down Concord in the process.

Park: You're joking.

Abbey: No, I'm not. Dumbass should've been locked up for the rest of his life. Instead, he inflicted Walden on us. [Abbey pauses.] Hold on, cycle the cameras back.

[Cameras cycle through to Camera 3, where a naked, human male is spotted, liquid foaming at his mouth.]

Park: That's Planter.

Abbey: What's that on his mouth?

Park: Nevermind that. Call for backup. [Park stands up.] I'm going out to get him. Where's camera three?

Abbey: It's on the western side, but— [Park exits the visitor's center] Ed! For fuck's—- [Abbey radios agents of WEBCUTTER located in the vicinity.]

[Camera 3 shows Planter standing under the tree containing what is believed to be the victim's left lung and right forearm foaming at the mouth and nose. The foam [REDACTED] and Planter pulls down the suspended body parts, which Planter begins consuming.]

[Planter continues to consume the body for six minutes, until Agent Park appears behind him, pistol pointed at Planter's back. No audio is registered on the camera.]

[Planter stands and turns to face Park, before lunging at Park and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Park struggles on the ground, suffocating on [REDACTED]. Planter stops attacking Park, apparently alerted by a noise, and runs off-frame.]

[Camera 6 shows a Foundation camp, with the WEBCUTTER Containment team, mobilizing to intercept Planter. En route, Planter Appears on Camera 5, crawling on all fours before the Containment team. Planter [DATA EXPUNGED] incapacitating two members as they are pulled up into the trees and out of view.]

[One member of the containment team steps forward, bearing a wrist-mounted tablet broadcasting a series of possible SCP-3xxx counter-memes in a loop. Observing that Planter reacts poorly to Countermeme 22, the agent pauses on this frame, at which point Planter flees.]

[Containment team members fire repeatedly in the direction Planter is fleeing, before Planter attempts to scale a tree, at which point he is shot in the left calf by an agent and taken into custody.]

[Camera 3 shows Park removing the [REDACTED] from his mouth, and subsequently vomiting due to oxygen deprivation. Samples of the vomit taken post-incident show that it contained several desiccated [REDACTED].]

---

Excerpt from the Audio Diary of Edgar Park:

Park: It is November 2nd, 2009. This is my twenty-second entry in this diary. Planter's in custody, and he's just been… numb. A lot like Kingsmith wash— was. Was. Mouth still feels weird from having it covered in that… stuff.

I wonder if he even knows he did it. He barely makes noise anymore. No screaming, talking. Just him, rocking back and forth in his cell, eating his own snot and hair. I wonder what the hell he's doing that for.

It's better than him crying, at least. That's what he did the first night in custody— or containment. For us, it's custody, but the Foundation's taken him, so I guess it's 'containment' now. They're trying to figure out what makes him tick, and… from what I understand, it's not going well—

Hold on. I'm getting a text.

[Agent Park pauses for several seconds]

Son of a bitch. He's dead.

---

Autopsy Report of Linus Planter:

Deceased: Linus Planter DOB: 3/12/1987 DOD: 11/9/2009

Address: [REDACTED] State: MA Zip: [REDACTED] Age: 22 Sex: M

Race: Caucasian

Height: 180cm Weight: 63kg Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Brown Build: Medium

Scars and Amputations: Scar on left palm, acquired in childhood.

Description of Decedent's Clothing: Standard Issue Foundation Jumpsuit.

Manner: Unknown, speculated suicide

Cause: Suffocation by introduction of [REDACTED] to sinus cavity and trachea.

---

Dr. Scott: As Dr. Adler is at a conference, I will be conducting the autopsy alone. Yeah, corpse of a man who suffocated on— right, vector, can't say what it is. And I'm alone with it.

I'm in biohazard gear, and I've got a flamethrower ready, in case it goes like the first Jane Doe. Eugh. Endoscopic examination at least didn't show any [REDACTED] in the nose this time.

I've opened the chest cavity. No abnormalities visible, but… oh god. The bones are… elastic. They're stretching as I touch them, like rubber, or cloth. It's unsettling.

[A loud crack is heard on the recording]

Shit! I just broke one of the floating ribs on the left— and it's sticking to my hand. What the fuck?

Egh. It's fibrous. Finally managed to get it off in the most unprofessional manner possible.

[Irrelevant data, including an examination of the subject's abdominal organs, has been excised.]

Dr. Scott: Okay, that's that. [Dr. Scott sighs] Dr. Adler hypothesized that there may be anomalies in the sinuses. I guess there's only one way to find out. I've only done this on training cadavers back in med school. Need to cut open the skin… and break the bone. I hate the sound of that, because I always associate it with something having gone horribly, irreversibly wrong.

I've exposed the bone to the air… the sinus should be under here. Just need to break it open and…

Oh my god. What the fuck. What the fuck what the fuck what the—

[Screaming, followed by the sound of the recording microphone hitting the floor, and Dr. Scott tripping the biohazard alarm.]

Afterword: A large amount of [REDACTED] had emerged from the subject's sinus cavity when opened, and proceeded to cover the room. Dr. Scott was recovered from the room, suffering minor bruises as a result of being cut down from the [REDACTED], but was otherwise physically unharmed.

---

Excerpt from the Audio Diary of Edgar Park:

Park: It is January 1st, 2010. Happy New Year.

I'm looking back on the case over the past year. We've managed to catch one perp, and we're in the off season. If this were a normal FBI task force, we'd be disbanded, hailed as heroes. But that's not gonna happen any time soon.

This isn't the first time the FBI's had to deal with a paranormal serial killer. There was speculation that the original Binder killings were anomalous, but the Unit wasn't brought on in any official capacity. Before the Binder, there was the Smiler. He was called that because every single of of his victims died with a smile on their face, and their bodies were shown to be full of dopamine and endorphins upon death. They… died of happiness. That's the only way that we could describe it. Operated in the Midwest.

The Smiler's spree lasted for only six years, but in that time, he killed nineteen and left seven more with permanent brain damage. We're still not sure how he did it, something to do with a brain tumor and air currents. Agent Clyde Zhang — he used to be in the Cincinnati division — ended up shooting him in the middle of Chicago, after he got the entire goddamn city to start laughing. We don't know how he got that powerful, but after Zhang put an entire clip into his chest… he got booted to desk work. Saved millions of people, and that's the thanks he gets.

[Park pauses for several seconds]

My resolution: don't end up like Clyde. Park out.

---

Person of Interest: Melissa Portman:

Foreword: Melissa Portman (b. 1979) was one of the Binder's last victims, and the sole surviving victim. Portman was abducted from her home near Salem, Massachusetts in early June of 1999, and injected with an unknown amount of pancuronium bromide⁹, the intent of which was to render her conscious but unable to move. However, Portman had recently been injected with atropine sulfate to treat mushroom poisoning, which acted as a partial antidote to the pancuronium; Portman describes the drug as having fully worn off "seconds before they stopped".

After being placed in the trunk of a red sedan of unknown make, Portman was transported to near the New Hampshire border. As the individual removed Portman from the trunk of their car and began applying bindings to her hands, she headbutted her attacker. Portman then sprinted southwards for .8 km, through uneven terrain, and came upon a member of the Massachusetts State Police, who escorted her to safety.

Upon arrival at a nearby hospital, Portman was found to be physically well, but had several spider bites upon her person, as well as a dead spider of the Latrodectus genus in their hair, which they could not account for.

In May 2010, following the commencement of the SCP-3256 killing season, Agent Stella Abbey made contact with Portman, who had since moved to Minnesota.

---

Agent Abbey: Okay, beginning recording. It is 4:00 in the afternoon on Tuesday, May 18th. I am in the ass-end of Nowhere, Minnesota, and the nearest airport is over the Canadian border. Portman really doesn't want to be found.

She's coming out of her house. (Sounds of rustling and rummaging, and the car door opening and shutting) Excuse me, Miss Portman? Agent Stella Abbey, FBI. I—

Portman: Have you caught him?

Abbey: Pardon?

Portman: Did you catch the son of a bitch who stuck me in the back of his car? The one who was going to [REDACTED] me?

Abbey: Uh. No, but that's what I'm here to—

Portman: Go fuck yourself.

Abbey: Miss Portman, please, we have new details in the case and would appreciate your cooperation—

Portman: Am I under arrest?

Abbey: Um. No?

Portman: If I'm not under arrest, then I don't have to tell you anything. Now move your fucking car. (Sneezes loudly) I'm going to the damn doctor. Move.

Abbey: But—

Portman: Either arrest me or move.

Abbey: [Sighs] Fine. One sec.

[Abbey is heard moving back into her car, pausing briefly to turn on the car.]

Abbey: Wish my fucking camera worked. But… just like to state for the record? Portman's rooting around in her nose. I'm blown, but I'm going to advise the local PD to put a tail on her.

I know that it's not supposed to affect women, but… something's not right here. My car's out of her driveway.

[Extraneous recording regarding Abbey contacting the nearest police department to tail Portman's vehicle have been excised.]

Abbey: Okay. God, I miss working Usher.¹⁰ So much easier to deal with abnormies than normies.

I don't have probable cause, so legally, I can't break in. But, I can do other things. [Abbey exits the car again.] It's trash day, so I'm gonna go through the cans. Hold on.

[The next several minutes are composed of sounds of grunting and rustling plastic as Abbey searches through trash cans. The sounds pause, and rapid footsteps are heard, followed by Abbey returning to her vehicle.]

Abbey: Okay, so. Uh. Portman looked sick, going to the doctor. I found some tissues in her trash can. I-I bagged some and they are all filled with spiderwebs what the fuck.

---

Postscript: Abbey returned to WEBCUTTER headquarters without incident, bearing the tissues as evidence. Tissues were found to contain large amounts of spider silk, with traces of human mucous.

Melissa Portman's vehicle was found abandoned 16km away from her house. Portman herself was found a week later, having suffocated on spider silk. An autopsy concluded that Portman's death was a suicide.

Excerpt from Audio Diary of Edgar Park:

Park: It's Friday, May 21st, 2010. This is my forty-fourth entry in this diary.

We're pretty fucking spooked. One of the Foundation's guys, Bloom, has been analyzing the meme more carefully. She's taken care, considering that… well, considering Portman somehow got canned by it. Christ.

Sole survivor of the whole thing, and she… fucking kills herself with goddamn spider silk! How?! How does that even work? She was sneezing the shit, too. Like. What.

We found out that Portman… her neighborhood was pretty abandoned. Everyone moved away because. Well, animals kept vanishing— cats, dogs, rabbits. There were telephone poles there painted with staples from all of the missing animal posters that went up over the past few years.

They're going to do their autopsy tomorrow. This whole thing is freaky, and the tox screen they did— she was full of [REDACTED]. I looked that up, and there's none of those in the US! How?!
I. I can't. Park out.

---

Autopsy Report of Melissa Portman:

Deceased: Melissa Portman DOB: 3/21/1979 DOD: 5/5/2010

Address: [REDACTED] State: MN Zip: [REDACTED] Age: 31 Sex: F

Race: Caucasian

Height: 162cm Weight: 122kg Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Blue Build: Obese

Scars and Amputations: N/A

Description of Decedent's Clothing: Red long-sleeved T-Shirt, blood and mucus stains on right cuff; blue denim jeans, size 45; undergarments [REDACTED].

Manner: Suicide

Cause: Suffocation by introduction of [REDACTED] to trachea. Envenomation.

---

Dr. Adler: Run it again.

Dr. Scott: I ran the tox screen through three different labs.

Dr. Adler: Well, run them through the lab we have here! Their system is saturated with [REDACTED], which is completely fucking impossible— she's never been to Australia, and that [REDACTED] isn't in any zoo or pet shop in Minnesota.

Dr. Scott: Maybe it's something else? Like— hold on. Open the inside of her mouth.

Dr. Adler: We've already inspected her— what are you doing?

[At this point, Dr. Scott is heard straining as she attempts to pull out Portman's left upper cuspid. It comes loose, and Dr. Scott brings it underneath a microscope to analyze it.]

Dr. Adler: What are you doing?

Dr Scott: Come over here and look at this. Does that look like human dental structure to you? Does it even look like a tooth?

Dr. Adler: My god, what the hell? [Dr. Adler pauses] It looks… no, it can't be.

Dr. Scott: It fits. The M.O., the presence of [REDACTED] at the crime scenes and in the bodies, and all of the weird shit that's happened with both this body and Planter's. I— I think that she's just more complete than him and Kingsmith. I think that whatever this meme is imprints the biology of a [REDACTED] onto a human, and…

Dr. Adler: And rewrites the body? The DNA is conclusively human, for both her and Planter. But…. it does make sense, to a degree.

[There is a long pause on the recording. Dr. Scott, at this point, had turned around to face the body of Melissa Portman. She screams.]

Dr. Adler: What— oh Jesus Fucking Christ!

Dr. Scott: What the fuck! What the fuck!

Dr. Adler: Run for it. Take the tooth!

[Dr. Adler takes the recording apparatus with him, and flees alongside Dr. Adler. After the autopsy lab is sealed, there is a minute of silence, before Dr. Scott speaks.]

Dr. Scott: Please tell me you saw that. The body was…

Dr. Adler: Made of spiders.

---

Memo from Cpl. Mooney:

When I first started going after the Binder back in the 90's

Galatea for the Modern Era

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3xxx-A has proven impossible to contain; however, due to the coherence of SCP-3xxx-A decreasing proportionally to its distance from SCP-3xxx-B, this has been deemed as a non-risk for containment.

SCP-3xxx-B is to be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell; as of 2/14/2015, SCP-3xxx-B has requested the following accommodations:

• Artistic supplies. Approved.
• The Core Rulebook for the fifth edition of Dungeons and Dragons. Approved.
• A copy of the game Scrabble. Approved.
• Regular human contact. Denied.
• A set of metal dice. Denied.
• A set of plastic dice. Denied.
• Access to the readout of a dice-rolling program. Approved.

SCP-3xxx-B is currently on a regimen of antidepressant and antipsychotic medications. A full list of medications included in this regimen can be found in SCP-3xxx-B's medical file.

SCP-3xxx-B's immediate family is under the impression that SCP-3xxx-B is currently undergoing treatment at a mental health facility run by Simpson-Clapper Psychiatric services. A single, three-minute long phone call is allowed between SCP-3xxx-B and their immediate family on an annual basis.

Description: SCP-3xxx-A is a sapient humanoid entity believed to be constructed entirely out of photons. Due to the nature of SCP-3xxx-A's construction, it has no fixed appearance, but prefers to manifest in the form of feminine, humanoid figures. The most commonly seen form of SCP-3xxx-A is a woman of Gaelic descent with auburn hair, standing at approximately 2.1m tall, with a heavily muscular build, and clad in what is believed to be bear hide and steel armor. SCP-3xxx-A's face in this form will be painted with what appears to be blue woad paint.

Despite lacking a measurable physical mass, SCP-3xxx-A is capable of speech. SCP-3xxx-A's voice has never been recorded during interviews, suggesting that its speaking is some form of hallucination induced by its photic structure in order to communicate. Furthermore, SCP-3xxx-A is capable of limited, voluntary tangibility, which it usually exercises to consume food or interact with SCP-3xxx-B.

SCP-3xxx-B is a twenty-six-year-old African-American male named Thomas ███████, approximately 1.82m in height, weighing 75kg at time of containment. SCP-3xxx-B displays some limited control over SCP-3xxx-A's appearance and behavior, including the ability to manifest and demanifest SCP-3xxx-A. SCP-3xxx-B claims to be SCP-3xxx-A's creator, and claims to have created SCP-3xxx-B three years prior to their containment.

Preliminary psychological evaluation of SCP-3xxx-B found that they suffer from acute clinical depression, infrequent suicidal ideation, acute anxiety, and shows signs of being on the autistic spectrum; most of these issues were not diagnosed upon containment, as SCP-3xxx-B claims to have never visited a therapist.

---

Addendum: Preliminary Containment Interview:

<Begin Log>

Dr. Torres: Okay, Thomas, you're going to need to answer a few questions—

SCP-3xxx-B: Who are you? Where's my mom?

Dr. Torres: We're here to keep you safe. I just need to you answer some quest—

SCP-3xxx-B: N-no. I'm supposed. I'm supposed to help my mom clean. Then I need to help Ms. Agapi get her groceries. SCP-3xxx-B begins banging their arm on the table. I need to leave. Please let me leave.

Dr. Torres: Thomas, please, calm down—

SCP-3xxx-B: Don't call me that! SCP-3xxx-B shows signs of acute distress and begins hyperventilating.

Dr. Torres: We just want to know about your — shit, he's having a panic attack, someone get in—

At this point, SCP-3xxx-A manifests, wielding a claymore. It proceeds to swing the weapon at Dr. Torres's head; due to the semi-incorporeal nature of SCP-3xxx-A, Dr. Torres is struck in the nose and suffers a mild contusion, but otherwise is uninjured.

Dr. Torres: What the hell? How did you get in here?
(Note: due to the nature of SCP-3xxx-A's composition, no sound is audible on the recording. The dialog from SCP-3xxx-A is recorded as remembered by Dr. Torres post-interview.)

SCP-3xxx-A: Release 'im or else I'll paint the walls read with the blood of you blaggarts! (SCP-3xxx-A kneels by SCP-3xxx-B.)) Tom? Tom, you're okay. I'm still withya. Brynn's still here. I ain't goin' away any time soon.

SCP-3xxx-B begins to calm down, and attempts to embrace SCP-3xxx-A. SCP-3xxx-A returns the gesture, and then glowers at Dr. Torres.

SCP-3xxx-A: Let 'im out.

Dr. Torres: We can't do that. He's… you're not normal.

SCP-3xxx-A: And that makes him dangerous?

Dr. Torres: Not him, necessarily. You, on the other hand, just tried to take off my head with… what is that made out of?

SCP-3xxx-A: Somethin'. I dunno what. SCP-3xxx-A attempts to calm SCP-3xxx-B further. Can you… at least let him see his mum? He… I'm doing m'best, but I cannae stop him from having another outburst.

Dr. Torres: I… shit, I don't know to handle this. Dr. Torres laughs in disbelief. I'm just. Fuck, we need to get someone else in here. Someone get Dr. Palmer in here?

<**End Log*>

---

Addendum: Partial excerpt of preliminary psychological interview:

<Begin Log>

Dr. Palmer: Okay, let's try this again. Thomas, I'm Dr. Palmer. It's good to meet you.

SCP-3xxx-A manifests before SCP-3xxx-B can respond.

SCP-3xxx-A: What makes you think he wants to talk to you—

SCP-3xxx-B: Brynn, it's okay. They let me talk to mom. They said I was going somewhere where I could be looked after.

Dr. Palmer: In a manner of speaking. Addressing SCP-3xxx-A So… Brynn, is it?

SCP-3xxx-A: Aye. Brynn MacDoogle, Barbarian Scourge of the Steppes of Haimsbock, heiress apparent to the Throne of—

SCP-3xxx-B: I made her up for Dungeons and Dragons.

SCP-3xxx-A: Well when you put it li' that, it just takes all the mysticism outta it.

Dr. Palmer: You… made your Dungeons and Dragons character real?

SCP-3xxx-B: It wasn't me. I mean, I made her up for a game my friend was running. I wasn't very good at it. I kept on knowing things I wasn't supposed to know in-game.

SCP-3xxx-A: He drew me up on his tablet. You have that?

Dr. Palmer: We might? We didn't find a tablet in your personal effects.

SCP-3xxx-A: Pity, that. I looked good in it.

SCP-3xxx-B: I talked about her to my neighbor downstairs. Mrs. Agapi? Helen Agapi? She's Greek, and she didn't mind me talking to her about things my mom didn't want me to talk about. She doesn't like me going on tangents.

Dr. Palmer: And Mrs. Agapi… made Brynn real?

SCP-3xxx-A: We could barely understand a word she said; I think it was Greek, and he doesn't know much about Greece. Or Europe, really.

SCP-3xxx-B: I think she could understand me, though. She was really interested in what I was talking about. She introduced me to her.

Dr. Palmer: I'm curious. But I'm afraid that's not what the interview's about; I'm a psychiatrist. Do you know what that is?

SCP-3xxx-B: My mom told me not to talk to psychiatrists. She said that they… that you'd.. that I'd…

SCP-3xxx-A: Calm down, 'un. I think you can talk to 'im.

SCP-3xxx-B: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. SCP-3xxx-B's leg begins shaking rapidly underneath the table. What do you need to know?

Dr. Palmer: Firstly, have you been diagnosed with any mental illnesses?

<End Log>

---

SCP-3xxx-B Medical Report, 5/9/2014:

As psychiatrist for humanoid anomalies at Site-92, I have prescribed the following medications for SCP-3xxx-B:

• Risperidone, 50mg
• Sertraline, 25mg
• Lamotrigine, 150mg

In addition, I will have him attend a weekly counseling session, wherein SCP-3xxx-B will report on their well-being and take tests to determine cognitive functions. Due to the side effects of these medications — especially sertraline — I'm advising that SCP-3xxx-B be more closely monitored. SCP-3xxx-A seems to help with getting his outbursts under control, but it's only halfway corporeal, if that. I'm not confident that it can stop a dessert fork when one's in an unsound mood.

—Dr. Merrick Palmer

---

Counseling Session, 6/21/2014

Note: This session took place after SCP-3xxx-B gained over 13kg in the space of the past month.

<Begin Log>

SCP-3xxx-A: It's not right. He's gained over ten pounds in the past week alone.

Dr. Palmer: I was afraid this might happen. Some of the medications you're on tend to have weight gain as a side effect. With regular exercise, it can be cut back, but…

SCP-3xxx-B: I'm afraid Brynn won't like me like this.

SCP-3xxx-A: Don't be daft. Besides, y'remind me of that doughboy on the tube. They were cute.

Dr. Palmer: I can try to talk to some of the containment specialists to see about putting you on a weight-loss diet. Barring that, we could try putting you on a different medication; lurasidone as opposed to risperidone. It's the same class of drugs, tends to be more weight-neutral that risperidone.

SCP-3xxx-A: This soon? Changing medication that quick can't be a good idea, can it?

Dr. Palmer: I'm not saying we do it now, or even this year. I'm just saying it's a possibility to explore, if this doesn't slow down.

SCP-3xxx-B: I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Dr. Palmer.

<End Log>

---

Counseling Session, 9/21/2014

<Begin Log:>

Dr. Palmer: Thomas? What's the matter? I thought you were bringing Brynn this time.

SCP-3xxx-B sobs incoherently.

Dr. Palmer: Are you going to be okay? Are you having a panic attack? Where's Brynn?

SCP-3xxx-B: N-not panicking. Fight. We fought.

Dr. Palmer: Have you been taking your medication? I understand you got sick off of your sertraline.

SCP-3xxx-B: I don't like it. It gets caught in my throat and I get sick.

Dr. Palmer: Jesus. What did you and Brynn fight about?

SCP-3xxx-B: M-Mrs. Agapi. I had a d-dream about her last night. She s-s-said that she was mad at me in the d-dream, and that s-she would make Brynn be m-mad at me too.

Dr. Palmer: You've talked about her before. Greek woman in the apartment under yours?

SCP-3xxx-B: W-we were friends. I talked, and she didn't m-mind me talking. I-in F-F-February, the H-Hallmark store was selling cards, and I bought h-her one to say t-that I was glad she listened to me.

Dr. Palmer offers SCP-3xxx-B a glass of water. SCP-3xxx-B drinks it.

SCP-3xxx-B: T-thank you. I-I also gave her some art of B-Brynn, because I-I think she wanted to see what she looked like. M-Mrs. Agapi as-asked if I loved her.

Dr. Palmer: In English? I thought she was Greek.

SCP-3xxx-B: I-I thought so, too. Sh-she said something about how it was harder to m-make something out of color a-and not stone like… P-piggy and Gally? I don't know who Piggy is. Or G-Gally. She took my d-drawing of Brynn, and… and she…. she made her come out of the page.

Dr. Palmer: So… you created Brynn, but… Mrs. Agapi made her real?

SCP-3xxx-B: She's not real. She's just. I can feel her, I can touch her, but nobody else can. She's there when I need hugs or when I'm cold. But she's not real, and she's angry at me because she's not real, because Mrs. Agapi made her wrong. She hates me.

Dr. Palmer: I'm confident she doesn't. Have you tried calling her up?

SCP-3xxx-B: She doesn't like being called when she's m-mad.

Dr. Palmer: How do you know when she's not mad anymore?

SCP-3xxx-B: I don't. I'm scared she'll be mad at me.

Dr. Palmer: Well, when you call her back, tell me how it went, okay?

SCP-3xxx-B: O-okay.

<End Log>

---

SCP-3xxx-B Medical Report, 12/12/2014:

SCP-3xxx-B's weight gain has gotten out of control. Even with the increased exercise and continuous changes to diet, they're almost double the weight they were when they were contained. I'm changing their antipsychotic from rispiridone to lurasidone. He'll be weaned off of the former over the next week, and introduced to the latter. I'm not happy about it; they were doing well on their current medication, but it's actively becoming a physical health issue as well as a mental one.

—Dr. Merrick Palmer.

---

Counseling Session, 1/21/2015:

<Begin Log>

Dr. Palmer: Are you okay, Thomas?

SCP-3xxx-B is distracted for the duration of the session.

Dr. Palmer: Thomas, where's Brynn?

SCP-3xxx-B: I don't know.

Dr. Palmer: Can you call her?

SCP-3xxx-B: I can… try? SCP-3xxx-B strains themselves for a minute and a half, before SCP-3xxx-A appears. SCP-3xxx-A, in this appearance, is notably much shorter and less muscular than in previous appearances.

Dr. Palmer: Brynn? What's going on?

SCP-3xxx-A: I-I don't know. I don't. I'm. Are we sick? I don't know. Tom, what did we do yesterday?

SCP-3xxx-B: I… tried playing Scrabble with you.

SCP-3xxx-A: No, we… we haven't played Scrabble since Christmas. I don't know what's happening. What happened to us?

Dr. Palmer: It's just the new medication. It takes time to adjust. You'll be fine by next month.

<End Log>

---

Counseling Session, 2/21/2015:

<Begin Log:>

SCP-3xxx-B: I hate you.

Dr. Palmer: Excuse me?

SCP-3xxx-B: I haven't seen Bryn in weeks. It's your fault!

Dr. Palmer: Thomas, that's entirely unfounded—

SCP-3xxx-B: I can't see her! I can't hear her! I can't CALL her! Make her come back! I want to see her again!

Dr. Palmer: I don't know what to tell you. Maybe it's… maybe the anomaly's faded? If that's the case, we can release—

SCP-3xxx-B: I don't want to be normal! I. Want. BRYNN!

Dr. Palmer: Thomas, please, calm down. I don't want to have to call security—

SCP-3xxx-B: GIVE ME BRYNN!

At this point, SCP-3xxx-B attempts to lunge at Dr. Palmer. Security personnel intervene and escort SCP-3xxx-B into its containment cell, where it proceeds to sit on its bed, crying, for the next three hours, before falling asleep.

<End Log>

---

SCP-3xxx-B Medical Report, 3/16/2015:

SCP-3xxx-B seems to be responding poorly to the luradisone we've been giving him. While SCP-3xxx-A has been appearing less and less, SCP-3xxx-B's overall well-being has worsened. Cognitive tests show evidence of regressing. Subject complains of frequent memory loss. The kid broke his shower door because he was frustrated he couldn't get 3xxx-A to manifest.

We're meant to be cold, not cruel, and I had to watch doctors pick bits of glass out of an autistic man's hand while he was crying his eyes out. I've seen video feeds from task forces that have torn out their own teeth that have made me feel less sick than that.

I'm between a rock and a hard place; one medication makes him inflate like he's drinking Lime Liftoff, the other's seemingly neutralized his anomalous properties at the cost of his mental well-being. I'm hesitant to experiment with his other medications.

I'm recommending that SCP-3xxx-B be taken off of antipsychotic medications entirely, for the time being. I've been working as a psychologist for anomalies like this for the past twenty years. You have to learn to not see them as people, but sometimes, it doesn't work.

I realize our mission is containment, possibly neutralization, of anomalous items. But you try looking at the tapes. You try hearing him cry. And you tell me that the thing we've got in that room isn't a human being.

—Dr. Merrick Palmer.

Addendum: Neutralization of SCP-3xxx: Following the discontinuation of SCP-3xxx-B's antipsychotic medication, SCP-3xxx-A failed to manifest for a further six months. SCP-3xxx-B was administered a memetic silencing measure and released to the general population, where they remain under heavy surveillance.

Helena Agapi, SCP-3xxx-B's downstairs neighbor and apparent instigator of SCP-3xxx-B's anomalous properties, could not be located. Foundation personnel had been monitoring the apartment she resided in since SCP-3xxx's original containment. However, upon SCP-3xxx-B's release into the general population, Agapi's residence was found entirely vacant, with no signs of habitation within the past six years, barring a Valentine's Day card from SCP-3xxx-B, and a blank piece of notebook paper with SCP-3xxx-B's signature on it.

Dr. Merrick Palmer was reassigned to Foundation Site-87 following his conduct with SCP-3xxx-B, which has been described as 'wildly inappropriate' by his superiors and colleagues.

Addendum: Possible Reappearance of SCP-3xxx-A: In February of 2018, a mother and daughter of Gaelic descent moved into the apartment above SCP-3xxx-B's current place of residence. The daughter and SCP-3xxx-B have been observed to express some familiarity with one another, and physical similarities between SCP-3xxx-A and this woman (apparently named Mariah Hillough) have been noted. However, Ms. Hillough appears to be non-anomalous, and exists independently of SCP-3xxx-B. The implications of this, if any, are unknown.

Snaggletooth Dagger

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx is the right upper cuspid¹¹ of a Smilodon fatalis, measuring approximately 25cm in length. The posterior side of SCP-3xxx has been sharpened a bone knapping techniques consistent with those found in tools and weaponry attributed to the Clovis culture. Analysis of SCP-3xxx shows that the upper 10cm of SCP-3xxx, including its root, were wrapped in bison leather at some point in the past. A small crack runs up the anterior side of SCP-3xxx, which has been deemed of little concern.

Human beings who are cut by SCP-3xxx will experience rapid growth of the upper cuspids over a period of three days. This process displaces the lateral incisors and bicuspids due to

What is this, a crossover episode?

Item #: SCP-3829

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-3829 are to be stored in an isolated low-concern item storage locker in Site-24. No images, written documents, or electronic devices capable of interacting with SCP-3829 are to be allowed within 2 meters of this locker. Testing is permitted only by permission of two members of Site administration.

No more than 10 instances of SCP-3829-A are to exist in Foundation custody at any given time. In the event that an uncontained instance of SCP-3829-A is located, it is to be intercepted, and the storage media it is present on be destroyed.

Description: SCP-3829 is the unaired 24 minute pilot of a sitcom entitled "Crossing Over". Records regarding SCP-3829 indicate that it was intended to be aired on the Fox network during the fall 1997 season; however, due to legal issues apparently unrelated to SCP-3829's anomaly, it never aired. SCP-3829-A refers to all storage mediums which contain SCP-3829.

SCP-3829 is capable of integrating the characters, storylines, and continuity of media stored within 1.2m of it into its own plot. This has the side effect of rewriting the exposed media to be an instance of SCP-3829-A; however, only film and digital video recordings are anomalous. Transcripts, audio recordings, still images and illustrations of SCP-3829 are non-anomalous. All instances of SCP-3829-A are identical in content, and change to reflect changes made to other SCP-3829-A instances. After a period of time where no new media is introduced (between 2-7 weeks), SCP-3829 instances will revert to their baseline state.

Regardless of the type of media integrated into SCP-3829, SCP-3829 will always portray itself as a situational comedy, and will never exceed 24 minutes in length. SCP-3829-A instances are capable of integrating any type of media, but appear to function best with media that was produced and/or set during or before October 1997.

SCP-3829 was discovered after several identical SCP-3829-A instances stored on twenty identical flash drives, with each file entitled "crossingover.mp4" were discovered after having integrated over a dozen episodes of the series Saved by the Bell stored digitally at the Viacom media offices, New York, New York. The flash drives were reportedly bought second-hand by an intern from an electronics store in Queens; tracing of records from this store has found evidence that the company which originally produced SCP-3829 was known as "Omar Studios". No record of this company exists.

Addendum: SCP-3829 Baseline:

In its default state, SCP-3829 begins with a short series of title cards introducing three main characters: "Man 1", "Man 2", and "Woman". appearing as two adult Caucasian males and an adult Caucasian female, respectively. The names of the actors portraying these characters change from to viewing to viewing, but are chosen from a pool of names of actors and actresses active from 1980-1997. The final title card reads "Crossing Over".

The episode begins with Man 1 sitting in a white, sterile room devoid of any furniture except for a sofa, a light fixture hanging overhead, a window, and a door. Man 1 is reading a newspaper¹² when Man 2 walks in through the door. Man 2 then says, "Hello Man 1. I am sexually attracted to Woman, with whom you are also sexually interested in," to which Man 1 replies, "I strongly disapprove of this." Dialog is delivered with little intonation, but active body language.

The scene cuts to Man 1, Man 2, and Woman standing in the same white room. Man 2 exclaims, "I love you," and Man 1 responds with, "So do I." Both characters then slip on banana peels lying on the ground and fall, followed by studio audience laughter. Woman then says, "Due to the act of clumsiness I have just witnessed, I am no longer sexually interested in either of you," followed by more studio laughter. The scene then cuts to only Man 1 and Man 2 standing in the room; in some cases, either Man 1 or Man 2 will be holding a can simply labeled "BEER" in large, block lettering. Man 2 says to Man 1, "I apologize and I have come to the conclusion that our friendship is more important than the pursuit of a sexual relationship," to which Man 2 replies, "I agree with this statement." The men proceed to shake hands while the studio audience cheers. End credits appear; total runtime of SCP-3829 is thirty seconds.

+ SCP-3829 Abridged Testing Log

Test #: 1
Introduced Media: A Blu-Ray set of the fifth season of Friends.
Observations: No effect observed.

Test #: 2
Introduced Media: Blu-Ray set of the seventh season of Seinfeld.
Observations: No effect observed. Media stored on Blu-Ray discs may be non-interactive with SCP-3829.

Test #: 5
Introduced Media: A DVD Set of the Fifth season of Friends.
Observations: First test to show a reaction; the majority of the episode is indistinguishable from a non-anomalous episode of Friends, barring slightly flatter writing.

The plot of the episode follows Joey and Chandler as they pursue a woman they met at the Central Perk coffee shop, who is played by the same actress as Woman from the SCP-3829 baseline. Both of them fail to win the affections of this individual (who goes unnamed), and Joey and Chandler return to Central Perk. The episode ends abruptly as Joey asks Chandler if he has seen Ross or Monica lately; all members of the main cast, barring Joey and Chandler, are absent from this episode. Run time is fifteen minutes.

Test #: 6
Introduced Media: DVD set of the seventh season of Seinfeld.
Observations: Plot is nearly identical to the fifth test, with the exception of the character of Elaine from Seinfeld replacing the role of Woman. Furthermore, a B-Plot is introduced wherein Kramer and Rachel, upon injuring each other in a collision in Central Perk, are in the same hospital ward with unspecified injuries. The actor portraying Man 1 appears, playing the role of a doctor who oversees Kramer and Rachel's treatment.

The episode ends with Elaine admitting to Jerry that she only went put up with Joey and Chandler to make Jerry jealous, and the B-Plot resolves with the doctor calling Kramer a hypochondriac and giving Rachel painkillers. Run time is twenty-one minutes.

Test #: 7
Introduced Media: A DVD of the sixth season of The Simpsons.
Observations: The titular family from The Simpsons did not appear in the episode; however, the entirety of SCP-3829 is animated in the style of The Simpsons, and several entities from The Simpsons, particularly Kwik-E-Mart and Duff Beer, are present. At one point, Jerry bemoans the fact that he has run out of Buzz Cola, another product from The Simpsons.

SCP-3829 was allowed to return to baseline following this test.

Test #: 8
Introduced Media: A DVD Set of the fifth season of The X-Files
Observations: Notable changes were made to the show to suit the sitcom genre; Mulder and Scully live together in an amalgamated version of Scully's house and Mulder's apartment. Both Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek¹³ vie for Scully's affections. The plot involves Mulder and Krycek coming to blows while working on an X-File, earning Scully's scorn. At several points, the characters seem aware of the laugh track that accompanies their actions, and respond with bewilderment. Mulder is noted to mouth "what the fuck?" at one point, when the laugh track cuts in on a scene of him attempting to burn a doll in a microwave.¹⁴ Furthermore, Krycek's left arm is inconsistent, the character having it amputated in the Season 4 episode "Terma"; the arm appears and disappears from scene to scene, or even shot to shot. At one point, a mug Krycek holds in his left hand in one shot falls to the floor and breaks after the camera position changes.

The episode ends at 20 minutes, when Mulder and Scully look directly at the camera. Mulder gasps, and Scully shoots at the camera; no closing credits are present in the episode.

Test #: 9
Introduced Media: A VHS tape containing an episode of the cartoon Hey, Arnold!
Observations: Similar to the Simpsons test, the characters were animated in a style consistent with that of the introduced animated media. At one point, a television commercial watched by Mulder advertises the city of Hillwood to tourists; contrary to popular assumption, Hey Arnold! is not set in New York City, but in the fictional city of Hillwood.

Episode runs for the full 24 minutes when, instead of shooting the camera, Scully punches the apparent Camera, and Mulder interrogates him until the episode ends. A view of the cameraman is seen, revealing him to be an animated version of Man 2.

SCP-3829 was allowed to return to the baseline following this test.

Test #: 12
Introduced Media: A flash drive containing a .exe for the video game Half-Life.
Observations: All actors are represented in graphics from the video game Half-Life, with the expected animation fidelity. Gordon Freeman is voiced by Harry S. Robins, slightly pitch-shifted downards. Gordon is seeking after the affections of Gina Cross, the scientist who portrays the holographic instructor present in the game's optional tutorial, with the character of the G-Man acting as the competitor. A running gag in which Gordon attempts to tamper with the microwave in the break room occurs throughout the episode, and Gordon contemplates hitting the G-Man over the head with a crowbar at least three times. Episode run time is eighteen minutes.

Test #: 13
Introduced Media: A collection of .wmv files of the first ten episodes of the "Machinima" series Freeman's Mind
Observations: The plot plays out almost identically, albeit with Gordon Freeman now voiced by Ross Scott, who portrays the character in Freeman's Mind. Gordon's inner monologue is heard, and he complains of his position in the company, and of the fact that Gina is "the only woman in this site outside of biology". The episode ends with a freeze-frame as Gordon is about to strike the G-Man over the head with a crowbar.

Tests 14 through 16 produced no useful material, possibly due to the isolated nature of the Black Mesa Research Facility. As such, following Test 16, SCP-3829 was returned to baseline.

Test #: 17
Introduced Media: A video recording of Dr. Frank Gephardt reading a recipe for pumpkin pie.
Observations: The introduction credits introduced all parties involved "as themselves". The primary conflict of the SCP-3829 instance centers around Dr. Gephardt attempting to bake a pumpkin pie for their colleague, Dr. Asha Coteaux; Gephardt denies any affection towards Dr. Coteaux. The actor playing Man 1 took the place of the competitor, being identified as Dr. Man. At one point, Dr. Man is present in Dr. Coteaux's quarters, and opens a tin of cookies, taking several for himself. Upon returning to her quarters, Dr. Coteaux found that this tin was missing several cookies; security footage shows no intrusion into their room.

Testing on documentary footage has been suspended. SCP-3829 forced to return to baseline.

Test #: 18
Introduced Media: A DVD set of the complete eigthth season of The Simpsons.
Observations: The plot plays out in the style of a typical Simpsons episode; the chalkboard gag¹⁵ reads "I will not do unnecessary crossovers", while the couch gag has the Simpsons wander through the sets of several shows playing on the Fox network during the eighth season, before arriving at their couch. Of note is a set that resembles the apartment present in Test 8, complete with the remains of Krycek's shattered mug.

Test #: 19
Introduced Media: A DVD set of the first season of Family Guy
Observations: Iteration identical to Test 18; possibly related to the first season of Family Guy not airing until 1999, while the episodes of The Simpsons that were being drawn from were from 1996 through 1997.

Test #: 20
Introduced Media: A recording of a commercial for the fast food restaurant Taco Bell.
Observations: The chalkboard gag has been changed to "Selling Out Is Okay If You Work For Fox". The character of Santa's Little Helper is replaced by an animated version of the Taco Bell Chihuahua, and Homer is seen eating at Taco Bell along with Lenny, Carl and Barney, with Moe working as a cashier.

Test #: 21
Introduced Media: A recording of a commercial for Coca-Cola
Observations: Plays out identically to Test 20, save for the inclusion of Coca-Cola beverages at Taco Bell; Taco Bell only serves beverages produced by PepsiCo.

Tests 22 through 24 were all testing with various advertisements, and produced similar results; following Test 24, SCP-3829 returned to baseline.

Test # 25
Introduced Media: A DVD set of the second season of Baywatch; however, a disk of episodes from the sixth season had been mistakenly included.
Observations: The characters of Eddie Kramer and Logan Fowler (who never met in the show's continuity, barring anniversary specials) get into a fist-fight over the affections of Shauni McLain, Eddie's girlfriend and later fiance. The fight lasts for what has been described as an 'uncomfortably' long time, at seven minutes, with both emerging severely injured. The rest of the episode is dedicated to a plot wherein Mitch Buchanan saves a man who looks completely identical to him.

SCP-3829 was returned to baseline following this.

Test #: 26
Introduced Media: A VHS set of the sixth and final season of the medical drama St. Elsewhere
Observations: The opening credits are twenty-four minutes long, and consist of the opening credits to not only St. Elsewhere, but also The White Shadow, Cheers, Frasier, Baywatch, Homicide: Life on the Street, Law and Order, The X-Files, The Wire, Chicago Hope, Dragnet, Lost, Chuck, Glee, Diagnosis: Murder, Jag, the entirety of the NCIS franchise, The Cosby Show, Everybody Loves Raymond, M*A*S*H, Colombo, Magnum, P.I., Burn Notice, and over one-hundred other programs that are in the process of being identified.

Despite being left alone for over six weeks, SCP-3829 has yet to return to baseline. Repeated viewings seem to simply progress the opening credits; as of January 13th, 2018, over nine-hundred programs have been observed, and not all are American television programs; I've seen two or three different Doctor Who intros, and Gephardt swears there are a few telenovela in there as well. This was a mistake.—Dr. Asha Coteaux

Addendum to Test 26: The closing credits of SCP-3829 concluded on January 31st, 2018, after over 3,000 separate viewings. The title of the episode is presented on screen as "Crossing Over; Part 1 of 58,921". The entirety of this, and the next several parts, consist solely of clips of cannons misfiring, as portrayed in various shows whose credits sequences have appeared in Test 26.

At 24 minutes per episode, assuming continuous testing, SCP-3829 will conclude playing this iteration in approximately two years, seven months, and six days. Until such a time, observation is to continue.

---

Notes from Dr. Coteaux on Test 26:

Viewing 105: last sighting of canon footage. After that, it's just… a view from space. Just the Earth, turning, in real time. I don't know if this is going to keep going.

Viewing 121: Okay, we've finally zoomed in on the Earth. It's New York City. Mulder, Scully, and Olivia Dunham¹⁶ are walking down a street in New York City. They just passed by… I think that's Jim Caviezel, and that guy who played Linus in Lost. Mulder and Scully look like they did 1997-ish; Duchovny didn't look that good when Fringe was airing. Anderson, maybe. They're just making small-talk, nothing exciting happening yet.

Viewing 123: Okay that picked up quick. The scene cut from Mulder and Scully and Dunham to the entire cast of Glee getting attacked by ghosts while Mitch Buchanan watches and eats… I think a burger on a waffle. Why.

An unknown number of 3.5" Floppy Disks

Item #: SCP-3670

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3670 refers to a collection of an unknown number of 3.5" floppy disks that share several similarities with SCP-335. Similar to SCP-335, instances of SCP-3670 have apparently infinite storage capacity, which is used to store the contents of various internet websites; however, whereas SCP-335 is stores data on the "surface" internet, SCP-3670 is devoted to the storage of the entirety of the "dark" or "deep" internet.

Discovery: SCP-3670 was discovered following the death of Joseph Hau, a civilian formerly married to Foundation agent Courtney Hau; SCP-335 was discovered in Agent Hau's personal effects. following her execution in July of 2008 on charges of trafficking anomalous items.

Joseph Hau was found dead of an apparent overdose in his apartment in May 2015; a civilian autopsy found SCP-3670-01 within his stomach in an acid-resistant plastic bag. After the [REDACTED] police department attempted to access the files on the disk, it was found that it contained a large amount of illegal pornographic images, as well as an audio file simply entitled "comeandgetmeyoufucks.wav". The audio file is intended to be decoded

Supply Crates

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The IP address at which SCP-3xxx may be accessed from has been blocked from all public IP addresses, with programs in place that cause most browsers to fail or display messages associated with malware detection on the website. Attempting to bypass this warning will infect the device attempting to access SCP-3xxx with a Foundation-engineered malware, which will cause a hard reset on each subsequent attempt to access the website.

Currently, twenty-nine Foundation staff employed at Site-21 are part of the AW Credit program, and are to complete tasks that will earn them further AW Credits at their leisure. Should the required activities show any abnormalities, they are to be reported to Dr. Lun immediately. No attempts should be made to purchase instances of SCP-3xxx-1.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to a web address at [REDACTED].com, which claims to be under the sole ownership of Andy Wilson Industries since 2005; this corporation does not exist. SCP-3xxx contains no memetic, cognitohazardous or otherwise infohazardous materials, and when accessed without having registered for the website, simply appears to be a marketing website for Andrew Wilson Industries. The exact nature of AW Industries business is unclear, but it appears to center around the delivery of anomalous parcels designated SCP-3xxx-1.

SCP-3xxx-1 refers to 3.1m³ crates made out of an aluminum-titanium alloy. SCP-3xxx-1 instances appear covered in a Kevlar parachute, suggesting that they were intended to be dropped from cargo-bearing aircraft. The crates are stamped with the Andy Wilson Industries logo (See Image) [Will put image in later], and fall open in response to contact with human skin.

SCP-3xxx-1 instances can be obtained from SCP-3xxx in one of two ways: either registering oneself for the "AW Credit" merit program, which rewards points for completion of various, seemingly arbitrary tasks that vary from individual to individual, or paying a price in US Dollars to receive up to 100 instances of SCP-3xxx-1 at a time. The prices range from two instances of SCP-3xxx for 200USD to 100 for 15,000USD. When earned or bought, the SCP-3xxx-1 instance will materialize within 5m of the individual who ordered it over the course of approximately ten seconds.

The contents of the SCP-3xxx-1 instances vary wildly, in terms of the variety, quality and quantity of included items. All items are stamped with the Andy Wilson Industries logo in one of six colors, indicating the quality of the item, from grey (lowest quality), blue, yellow, pink, red and gold (highest quality). The most common inclusions are:

• Bottles of potable water. Gray rating or higher.
• MRE Packets, containing large amounts of protein and sodium, as well as an unknown compound, which appears to trigger an addiction response in individuals who have consumed it. Yellow rating or higher.
• Antibiotic medications, including amoxicillin, clarithromycin, and [REDACTED], an experimental antibiotic currently under development by the pharmaceutical company ██████. Pink rating or higher.
• Tinderboxes, matches and other firemaking equipment. Gray rating or higher.
• Seeds, including corn, wheat and tomato seeds; seeds have only germinated in 2.5% of cases. Gray rating only.
• First aid materials, evidently meant for treating gunshot and animal wounds, as well as radiation poisoning. Blue rating or higher.
• Reading material, usually in the form of propaganda promoting Wilson-Kotick, printed on edible paper. Gray rating or higher.
• Various bladed or blunt instruments, such as sledgehammers and carving knives, evidently meant for use as weapons. Blue rating or higher; the lower the rating, the more fragile the implement.
• Firearms, ranging from pistols to automatic rifles; in one case, an SCP-3xxx-1 instance produced an RPG-7 launcher, which was rendered non-functional after a single firing and could not be repaired. Gold rating only.

Each SCP-3xxx-1 only contains five items, regardless of whether or not there is additional available space.

It has been noted that SCP-3xxx-1 instances that are bought using SCP-3xxx, as opposed to earned using the AW Credit merit program, often have higher-quality items within, such as more nutritious food, purer water, and more effective medicine.

Addendum: AW Credit Task List:

The following tasks have appeared on the AW Credit Program task list, as achievements that can be completed to earn AW Credits. It should be noted that an SCP-3xxx-1 instance is approximately 2,000 credits per box.

Achievements completed to date are in red:

• Welcome To The New Age: Frag¹⁷ Twenty Enemies. 50 Credits.
• Data-Mining: Boobytrap a computer. 50 Credits.¹⁸
• Geneva Convention? What's That?: Commit a crime against humanity. 50 Credits.¹⁹
• FYI I Am A…: Stealth kill an enemy. 50 Credits.
• No Ammo? No Problem!: Kill an enemy with an unloaded or broken weapon. 50 Credits.
• Is Nothing Sacred?: Desecrate consecrated ground. 50 Credits.²⁰
• And A Nice Chianti: Acquire some "Human Resources". 100 Credits.
• Finders Takers: Steal someone else's supply drop. 100 Credits.
• Animal "Rights" Activist: Kill twenty animals. 100 Credits.²¹
• It's Got Electrolytes! Drink a Dorito-flavored Mountain Dew.²² 200 Credits.²³
• Do These Tacos Taste Funny?: Prepare a meal and kill three enemies with it. 200 Credits.
• Bubble, Bubble, Boil to Rubble: Melt an enemy. 200 Credits.²⁴
• Batter Up: Decapitate an enemy with a baseball bat, then hit a home run. 500 Credits.
• REKVT: Find an RKV Controller,²⁵ and use it to wipe out at least twenty enemies. 4000 credits.
• World-Famous Corn Star: Grow 100 Units of AW Corn. 2000 Credits.²⁶
• War Profiteer: Buy 100 Supply Crates at once. 5000 credits.

Addendum: Irregular Behavior:

On 5/21/17, Dr. Lisa Mayberry, one of the researchers who is signed up for the AW Credit Program, noted several deviations in the achievements she was given for her week, including:

• Shareware: Share [REDACTED].com with your friends! 2000 Credits, and another 2000 for you and your friend with the AWI Referral Program!
• Shareware II: Sharing Is Caring: Share [REDACTED].com on Myspace, Twitter, or Instagram. 2000 Credits
• Shareware 3: The Danger Clothes: Wear [REDACTED].com merchandise, or merch from any [REDACTED] game. 2000 Credits.
• Shareware 69: Oooh Baby: Talk about [REDACTED].com or AWI while having some hot coffee. 10000 credits.

Dr. Mayberry's attempts to discontinue her membership in the AW Credit program have been unsuccessful.

Since this time, several new achievements have appeared, all of which seem to have the goal of breaching containment of SCP-3xxx, including:.

• Flash Mob: Drop ten Supply Crates in the middle of a city with a population of greater than 20,000, and see what happens. 4000 Credits.

• Do What Regalis²⁷ Would Want: Breach Containment of SCP-3xxx. 8000 Credits.
• Nuke 'em: Breach containment of SCP-3xxxx and detonate the on-site nuclear device.²⁸ 10000 credits.

Five months after these deviations began occurring, Dr. Richard McDonagh received this as a weekly objective:

• Cut You In: Breach Containment of SCP-3xxx. $10,000,000.

This is the only time the AW Credit program has had a monetary incentive as opposed to AW Credits.

The Word That Stands Alone

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class:

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to a series of linguistic anomalies found in the English language, connected to a gerund²⁹ and its corresponding verb, designated SCP-3xxx-A and SCP-3xxx-B.

For reasons unknown, SCP-3xxx-A is impossible to make into a proper noun. Objects and concepts cannot be given SCP-3xxx-A as a name, apart from the object that SCP-3xxx-A directly refers to. Furthermore, SCP-3xxx-A cannot be said in a context that uses the genitive clause, meaning it cannot be stated or implied that SCP-3xxx-A possesses something(i.e. the fish's scales). SCP-3xxx-A can also not be negated (i.e."there are no fish").

SCP-3xxx-B refers to all attempts made so far to use SCP-3xxx-A in a verb form. SCP-3xxx-B has proved impossible to conjugate, and can only be referred to in the present tense.

Nexus-249: Apartment 8I, 21 ████ St, New York

Nexus #: Nx-249

Civilian Designation: Apartment 8I, 21 ████ St, New York, New York

Population: 2 Foundation personnel, unknown civilian population

Area Class: Camelot

Nexus Interaction Protocol: [Paragraphs explaining special requirements for personnel working in the Nexus]

Containment Facility: [Optional Site/Area dedicated to containment and monitoring]

Description: Nx-249 refers to the entirety of Apartment 8I, including its kitchen, bathroom, and bedrooms. Originally a non-anomalous luxury apartment in uptown Manhattan, Nx-249's anomalous properties were first noted after the disappearance of the sole tenant, listed as 'Neil Drake' on all paperwork associated with Nx-249.

When the front door of Nx-249 is closed, the interior dimensions alter themselves drastically. The exterior wall, which faces south-east, vanishes and opens into a large beach. Soil and water analysis, along with exploration attempts, has concluded that this beach is either Siesta Beach, located in Sarasota, Florida, or a near-perfect approximation of the beach. The temperature has never been recorded to drop below 21C or go above 25C.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

The World's Biggest Wet Blanket

Item #: SCP-SAD-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-SAD-J is an enormous blue fleece blanket, previously owned by Foundation researcher Carlos Mewart. Prior to Mewart's retirement from the Foundation in 2016, SCP-SAD-J was non-anomalous, and measured 3m*.5m; following Mewart's retirement, it expanded to have a total surface area of 2km. Furthermore, since it's anomalous properties manifested, SCP-SAD-J has been totally saturated by human tears.

Items exposed to SCP-SAD-J will undergo various changes in state to make their overall disposition more depressed and nihilistic. In the case of most mammalian, reptilian and avian organisms, mood will worsen significantly within thirty meters of SCP-SAD-J, with subjects often bursting into tears within twenty meters. Further coaxing is needed to enter within ten meters, at which point subjects will often lay down and remain sedentary until acted upon by an outside force. Living organisms which exit SCP-SAD-J's zone of effect typically recover upon exposure to positive stimulus.

SCP-SAD-J's anomaly works through an unknown mechanism; due to its ability to affect all forms of plant, animal, and fungal life, it was originally believed to be a form of organic toxin. However, due to its ability to alter other items, such as books, artwork, and in one case, a washing machine, it is believed that SCP-SAD-J is an actively essohazardous item. Thankfully, SCP-SAD-J's area of effect does not extend beyond thirty meters, and has not grown since its containment was established.

Exposed Material: Dr. Rouge Chemise, Archeologist stationed at Site-87
Result: Dr. Chemise was exposed accidentally while touring the area. A five-second period of exposure caused a massive shift in psychology, resulting in her requesting a transfer to Site-2; this site does not exist.

Time Bomb

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to an anomalous explosive device.

The Saddest Skinwalker

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3xxx's right hand is to be enclosed in a cloth glove at all times to prevent its anomaly from activating. [more stuff goes here when I'm done rewriting it]

Description: SCP-3xxx is a female human of Navajo-German descent, aged 29. SCP-3xxx weighs 70kg and stands at 1.57m when not being affected by its anomalous properties. SCP-3xxx possesses brown eyes and black hair, and has an incomplete tattoo depicting events from The Coming of Monsters from the Diné Bahaneʼ³⁰ on its back. The fingertips and palm of SCP-3xxx's right hand show signs of several needle marks, which SCP-3xxx cannot account for.

SCP-3xxx's anomalous properties manifest when its right extremity on its forelimb makes physical contact with the skin, hide, fur, feathers or exoskeleton of any organism from the kingdom Animalia. Following this, SCP-3xxx begins to transform into a genetically identical copy of the organism which it came into contact with; this process has been observed to last from between ten seconds to six minutes. This process has been described as "excruciatingly painful" by SCP-3xxx, with pain intensifying as differences in size become more extreme. SCP-3xxx will undergo this transformation regardless of the state of biological matter it comes into contact with; contact with a live specimen of cattle will produce the same reaction as contact with leather. However, non-living human matter (such as shed skin cells and corpses) will not trigger the anomaly.

SCP-3xxx's intelligence and degree of sapience fluctuates from organism to organism, but SCP-3xxx is capable of remembering what occurred during times when it has transformed, provided the organism has a brain. SCP-3xxx appears to be unfamiliar with the bodies of organisms it changes into, and often injures itself. Winged organisms appear to give SCP-3xxx the most difficulty in adjustment, as to date, SCP-3xxx has been unable to stay airborne for more than several seconds, invariably colliding with walls or falling from the air due to exhaustion.

Sufficient physical trauma, such as a gunshot wound, will result in SCP-3xxx reverting to their original form. Furthermore, SCP-3xxx has displayed an acute allergy to silver, breaking out in severe hives upon contact, and often experiencing spontaneous dermal hemorrhaging.

---

Recovery: SCP-3xxx was originally reported missing from its reservation in late 2011, following a series of deaths in the area attributed to animal attacks. Foundation investigation found that the attacks were caused by large animals such as wolves and coyotes, but with human footprints left behind in several cases. These attacks stopped following SCP-3xxx's disappearance.

SCP-3xxx was recovered in the spring of 2012, having been shot by a farmer; during this time, SCP-3xxx had turned into a coyote, and was scavenging on a dead chicken. Foundation medical teams intercepted SCP-3xxx at its hospital, where its anomalous properties manifested upon a nurse checking its right hand, causing its anomaly to activate.

SCP-3xxx was moved to Site-82, where it was interviewed by Dr. Douglas Smith. For the duration of this, SCP-3xxx's hands were covered and restrained.

---

SCP-3xxx: You can't hold me here. I've not been charged with anything.

Dr. Smith: We're not holding you on a criminal basis. We're… well, we want to know what you are. How you do this.

SCP-3xxx: So you can make your own yee naaldlooshii?³¹ Fuck you, and your government.

Dr. Smith: My government? I'm Lakota by descent.

SCP-3xxx: You still work for the US Gov. Where am I, anyway? Some MIB facility? Is Agent Jay gonna walk through the door and give sunburn to my brain?

Dr. Smith: We don't work with the US Government, or any government. We're… extragovernmental. We study individuals such as yourself, with abilities that are beyond that of normality.

[SCP-3xxx remains silent]

Dr. Smith: Your file shows your name is Kai. Is it all right if I call you that?

[SCP-3xxx nods]

Dr. Smith: In the preliminary examination, several track marks were reported to be present on your hand—

SCP-3xxx: I'm not a junkie.

Dr. Smith: I wasn't going to accuse you of that.

SCP-3xxx: Then why call them track marks? Why not needle marks? [SCP-3xxx shifts in its seat uncomfortably] I keep on having… I had blank patches for months on end. I'd come home from work, and the next thing I'd know, it'd be morning and I'd passed out on the couch, and there would be a new bandage on my hand.

Dr. Smith: You worked on a ranch, yes?

SCP-3xxx: My grandfather owned it at one point— my mom's dad. We don't like to talk about him. We're just hired there to help, now. It's a living.

Dr. Smith: Did you contact the authorities about the injuries you received?

SCP-3xxx: And what would they do? If it was someone non-native, they can't be arrested or tried on the reservation.³² And I'm not sure if you've noticed, but short of the goddamn Zodiac killer showing up in the Nation, the only reason a fed is going to step onto our land is to burn their wallet while playing craps.

Dr. Smith: Point taken. I… think that'll be all for today. You'll be shown to your room.

SCP-3xxx: All right.

---

Addendum: 3xxx Testing Footage Transcripts:

Test 3xxx-01:

Dr. Smith: All right, I want you to approach the center of the room.

SCP-3xxx: So, this is the part where you try to turn me into a weapon?

Dr. Smith: We simply want to see the limits of your…

SCP-3xxx: Let's call it what it it. A curse.

Dr. Smith: If you prefer that. Now, before you is the pelt of an animal that's fairly close to your size; an African leopard.

SCP-3xxx: How did it die?

Dr. Smith: In a zoo. It was old, poor thing.

SCP-3xxx: Okay. Uh. It works when I do it with this hand [SCP-3xxx holds up its right hand] but if I don't use that, it… doesn't do anything.

Dr. Smith: Use your right hand, please.

SCP-3xxx: Okay. [SCP-3xxx places its hand on the pelt; a flash of light is seen emitting from its fingertips, visible only on slowed-down playbacks] FUCK! Goddamn son of a fucking bitch piece of [SCP-3xxx's voice turns into incoherent snarling and growling throughout the course of its transformation. SCP-3xxx then proceeds to attack the observation glass, severely scratching it with its claws]

Dr. Smith: Holy cow.

[SCP-3xxx ceases its attack on the glass, emitting sounds of fear and distress. SCP-3xxx eventually calms.]

[One hour into the test, twenty kilograms of beef are introduced into SCP-3xxx's enclosure. It attempts to consume the beef, but it shows some difficulty doing so.]

Dr. Smith: I… Can someone go in there and try to chop it up for her? Please? I'm sorry, Kai. We're going to keep observing until you change back, however long that takes.

[EXTRANEOUS LOGS REMOVED]

[SCP-3xxx begins reverting after five hours and forty-two minutes. Upon reverting fully, SCP-3xxx sits in the middle of the chamber, curled up in a fetal position]

Dr. Smith: Welcome back, Kai. Take your time.

SCP-3xxx: Did I kill someone?

Dr. Smith: Beg pardon?

SCP-3xxx: I… I remember having a mind like that. Hungry, wanting to hunt, but just locked in a room. Then, someone let me out, and [SCP-3xxx pauses] I woke up at home, in the living room, with blood on my gums. There were attacks on the reservation. They started after I [SCP-3xxx's voice becomes shaken] after I started finding needle marks on me. D-did I… why did I? Why did I kill them?

Dr. Smith: You weren't in control. You can't blame yourself, Kai.

SCP-3xxx: Why would someone do this to me? Why?

Dr. Smith: I promise you, we're looking into it. [Dr. Smith sighs] When you're ready, we'll have someone escort you to your room. Okay?

SCP-3xxx: O-okay.

---

Incident 3xxx-21: Following a test determining SCP-3xxx's interaction with winged organisms, SCP-3xxx developed a severe rash on their left hand, which soon began hemorrhaging. The cause of this was unknown, and the wound failed to close, and did not begin healing until three days later. Review of footage shows SCP-3xxx's hand coming into contact with that of Security Agent McEwan as they escorted SCP-3xxx to its cell following the test; McEwan was wearing their silver wedding band at the time. A follow-up test of a skin sample collected from SCP-3xxx shows that silver has deleterious effects on its tissue. When presented with this information, SCP-3xxx gave this statement:

SCP-3xxx: Silver? Like I'm some kind of werewolf?

Dr. Smith: I'm not sure I'd use that term. It appears to be a severe allergy to the element.

SCP-3xxx: That doesn't make sense. My mom, she had this silver amulet that dad gave her, she always wore it, and I used to wear it, too, even after I started changing. How am I suddenly allergic to it?

Dr. Smith: I agree that it seems incongruous… we've looked into your genealogy. Your maternal grandfather, he hailed from Germany?

SCP-3xxx: His family had been in America for generations before that. We were from around… I think Stuttgart?

Dr. Smith: And your mother's side, they're all Navajo?

SCP-3xxx: As far back as can be traced. Why the sudden interest in history?

Dr. Smith: It's occurred to me that both Germanic folklore and the Navajo's mythos have creatures that can take on the form of animals. The yee naaldlooshii and the werewolf. What was done to you, it was… well, in a sick way, it brought your heritage to the forefront.

SCP-3xxx: Oh my god. [SCP-3xxx stares at its hand] So, whatever this was that got stuck into me, it, what, made me into some fucked-up Animorph because it's in my mythology? [SCP-3xxx stares at the wall of the interview room] How would that even work?

Dr. Smith: We're not sure.

SCP-3xxx: Why did they stop?

Dr. Smith: That… hmm. [Dr. Smith rests his hand on his chin.] They could have continued indefinitely, with the relative isolation. During the attacks, the victims… [Dr. Smith frowns] How well did you know the individuals on your reservation?

SCP-3xxx: I attended the funerals for everyone killed by… by me. [SCP-3xxx puts its head in its hand] Oh my god.

Dr. Smith: Wait here. [Dr. Smith exits the room for several minutes, eventually re-entering with photographs of all of the individuals killed at SCP-3xxx's reservation prior to its containment] All right. Does anyone here look out of place?

SCP-3xxx: Her. [SCP-3xxx indicates a photograph of a Caucasian woman, aged forty, identified as Lena Goldsmith] I've never seen her before. Who was she?

Dr. Smith: Records indicate that she was a teacher on your reservation—

SCP-3xxx: No. I've never seen her before in my life. If she was a teacher, then half the school would have shown up to mourn her. [SCP-3xxx frowns] We just showed up at her funeral because it was right. She's not even buried on the reservation, I don't think; it was more of a memorial.

Dr. Smith: We'll look into it.

Addendum: POI-3xxx-01: POI-3xxx-01 refers to a deceased individual under the presumed alias of Lena Goldsmith; Foundation search of their former property found several samples of animal pelt, and a memory card for a digital camera. The data on the camera shows heavy corruption, but three images were recovered; two of them show SCP-3xxx in stages of transformation, while the third is a photograph of a hand with needle marks in positions similar to those displayed on SCP-3xxx. The hand does not belong to SCP-3xxx.

Further search found several fragments of burnt paper in an incinerator behind the house, as well as melted plastic used in medical syringes. Due to the lack of any anomalous chemical residue in the POI's dewlling, it is presumed that the substance in the syringe (tentatively classified as SCP-3xxx-Alpha) was created elsewhere, and then delivered to the POI. Investigation into POI-3xxx-01's motives and connections are ongoing.

Swordquest: Airworld

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to the unreleased video game Swordquest: Airworld. SCP-3xxx was originally intended for release in Late 1984 or Early 1985 for the Atari 2600 game console, but due to financial difficulties encountered by Atari at the time, and the anomalous nature of the game, it was scrapped.

The activation of SCP-3xxx's anomaly has a co-requisite; in order for it to activate, one must play SCP-3xxx with the intent of participating in the promotional contest which accompanied the Swordquest series.³³ 'Participation' means playing the game whilst attempting to decode messages in the accompanying Swordquest: Airworld comic magazine and other paraphernalia, including a piece of polarized plastic intended for finding messages in the comic book (referred to as a 'magic lens'), a simplified summary of the I Ching, and a plastic decoder wheel styled after a Taijitu³⁴. Intent of winning the Swordquest contest does not appear to have any additional effect.

When played with these requirements met, SCP-3xxx will gradually reveal details about

Telemarketing Brain Farm

Item #: SCP-3XXX

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: Due to ethical concerns regarding SCP-3xxx, all human tissue has been rendered biologically inert. The biological remains of all individuals with extant family members is to be cremated along with other human biomass and distributed to their families for burial on a set timetable.

Description: SCP-3xxx refers collectively refers to twenty-nine human brains(SCP-3xxx-1 through -29), fifteen sets of human larynges(SCP-3xxx-30 through -44), an advanced life support system(SCP-3xxx-45), and a server farm(SCP-3xxx-46) formerly located in [REDACTED], New York. SCP-3xxx-1 through -29 were all living and conscious at the time of discovery, being kept alive via a blood-like nutrient-rich substance based on human blood, supported in twenty-nine distinct tanks. Three additional tanks were found emptied of their contents.

SCP-3xxx-30 through -44 were stored separately from the life support system, with artificial nerve tissue connecting from the brains to the vocal chords; to communicate, the larynges were shared between brains, with only SCP-3xxx-21 possessing a larynx to itself. In turn, the larynges were electronically linked to the server farm, which was programmed to call a randomly generated phone number within the United States every 33 hours. The suspected purpose of SCP-3xxx's organic components was to mimic the vocal patterns of a healthy human female according to a script provided by the server in an attempt to fraudulently acquire social security information, credit card data, and other credentials necessary for carrying out identity theft. All conversations made with civilians by SCP-3xxx is recorded; analysis shows that out of 1,982 calls, only 103 were successful in their intent. Communication with SCP-3xxx-18 upon discovery indicates that they were forced to speak the call script in a tone mimicing "robocalls", and had no control over their larynges or thought processes during this time.

All human tissue in SCP-3xxx is from females, aged twenty-one to thirty-three; however, no DNA sampled from the vocal chords matches DNA sampled from the brains. Forty-four distinct genetic signatures exist, with fourteen being unaccounted for.

Discovery: SCP-3xxx was discovered following a phone call made to a Mr. Gregory Wright in Bar Harbor, Maine by SCP-3xxx. Due to SCP-3xxx recording all call data, this transcript was obtained off of the server.

Mr. Wright: Yello?

SCP-3xxx-18: Hello?

Mr. Wright: Can you hear me? Hello?

SCP-3xxx-18: Oh! Sorry, I was just adjusting my headset—

Mr. Wright: Ahh, nope. Goddamn robocalls. I don't want whatever the fuck it is you're selling—

SCP-3xxx-18: Help me.

Mr. Wright: …what?

SCP-3xxx-18: I don't know where I am. It's cold and dark. I can't see anything. I can only hear you and me. Help me. Please.

Mr. Wright: Is this some kind of sick joke? Who the fuck are you?

SCP-3xxx-18: I don't know where I am! Please! My name is Juliet Monroe, I'm Twenty-One, I can't see, I can't feel my hands, oh god, what the fuck [SCP-3xxx-18 becomes incoherent and starts sobbing].

Mr. Wright: Holy Shit. Uh…. I'm going to get on my cell phone and call the police. Y-you stay on the line, okay, Juliet? [Distant] Mary!³⁵ Whatever you do, don't hang up that phone!

[SCP-3xxx-18's sobbing continues for approximately ten minutes, before a click is heard on the recording, indicating an exterior wire tap. Approximately three minutes later, a new voice is heard on the recording.]

Officer Bowman: This is Officer Bowman with the Bar Harbor Police. To whom am I speaking?

SCP-3xxx-18: J-Juliet Monroe.

Officer Bowman: Where are you, Juliet? We've got a trace on the call, but it would really help if you told us where you were.

SCP-3xxx-18: I don't know. It's dark and wet. I can't feel my arms. I'm just hearing you and… and just you. I've had to say the same things over and over again.

Officer Bowman: Mr. Wright told us that you sounded like a telemarketer. Are you being held against your will?

SCP-3xxx-18: Yes, I am. I don't know who did it.

Officer Bowman: Hold on. Apparently you're located in… [REDACTED], New York?

SCP-3xxx-18: New York? I'm from Wyoming. Where am I?

Officer Bowman: [Muffled] Get the FBI on the phone. [Normal volume] I'm going to stay on the line until they find you, Juliet. Do you have a mom and dad?

SCP-3xxx-18: Yes, they live at [DATA EXPUNGED].

[IRRELEVANT DATA REDACTED]

Officer Bowman: Juliet, we've managed to contact your parents. They say they miss you very much.

SCP-3xxx-18: Oh thank god, thank god.

Officer Bowman: The FBI team should be knocking on your door right now. Help's coming, Juliet. You're going home.

SCP-3xxx-18: I… I don't think that's true.

Officer Bowman: What do you mean?

SCP-3xxx-18: I just realized. I know why I can't feel anything. I remember my legs being taken, and my fingers being pulled off.

SCP-3xxx-18: I'm dead.

Addendum: Investigation of SCP-3xxx: Due to the nature of SCP-3xxx,

Charles,

We finally got the DNA results back for the brains; they're attached in a file. You're right, they all were all missing persons cases in the last ten years… and that's where it gets weird.

You'll quickly see this when you open the file, but all of the individuals whose DNA is present in 3xxx— that we can identify, at any rate — are females with the initials J.M. Jane Mahler, Josephine Milgram, Jill Milton, Janet MacAllister, Juliet Monroe… the list goes on. I've seen this pattern before, and just from reading the archives, I don't like where it's going.

There's one notable case, though.

The genetic markers in the brains you identified as "Jasmine"(Instance 17) and "Jolene" (Instance 25) are the only ones I couldn't find, until my colleague decided to look into the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's database. I did some more digging, found a pair of girls with those names who vanished in Mississippi in September 2011. You must remember it, the "Homecoming Snatching". I contacted their families and managed to acquire a DNA sample from them; they kept hairbrushes around— sure enough, it's a match. Jasmine Moodie and Jolene McDaniels.

Vanished for six years, and they turn up like this. And judging by their mental states, they weren't treated very nicely before they got turned into… that. I threw up in my mouth a little once I realized that a pair of fifteen-year-old girls had been turned into a goddamn Beowulf cluster call center. And we don't even know why.

Dr. Melissa Drake
Forensic Analyst
Site-42

Chuck,

I looked over the code from the brain farm, and I don't know what to say. This is just some basic script, something that I could write myself, if I managed to see the thing. There's no paracode in it, no memetic strings, nothing. It's just Java running on Unix, albeit a version of Java made for interfacing with organic materials; it's like something that bitch Craggs might dream up. Made for controlling every word from the mouth of those poor… god.

That's not to say that there's noting weird about it; the script for the call loop has a termination clause. It's not uncommon; most robocall farms have one in their code to say "stop calling at this time, resume calling at this time tomorrow." But this is just a flat termination; after 1,982 calls, the system makes one more call, and then the script that forces the brains to read out the code shuts off in the middle of the call.

Naturally, there's also a line to count up the number of calls made in order to make sure this bit of script triggers. Guess how many calls were made? That's right, 1,982. It's freaky, but not Sarkic freaky. Besides, I don't think that they could work a computer to save their hides.

Abraham Wexley
Department of Paracomputational Studies
Site-91

Chuck,

Scratch that, I did find something weird in the code. There's some junk near the top of the call loop that I missed; Bloom recognized it as some obscure cipher. We're trying to decrypt it ASAP, but as it turns out, the original cipher is only partially solved, so that's fun. Will keep you updated.

Abe

To: Director Percy Bradbury
Subject: 1982

I have talked at length with my colleagues about SCP-3xxx, and we all agree on one thing: at first, it made no sense. The cost of R&D for the life support system alone must have been astronomical; NASA might be able to accomplish this in a decade or five, if they were given the budget of the Pentagon. It would have been infinitely easier, and cheaper, to just program a voice-generation program to spoof the voice of a human woman for the sake of stealing identities. If they wanted to add an anomalous twist, they could easily ensoul it, or write a rudimentary AI.

Then we realized: there was literally no reason that whoever built this couldn't have just used a normal server farm. Combined with the lack of any apparent connection to any known group of interest with ties to biological or biomechanical integration or augmentation, it has led me to believe that whoever built this wanted these women to suffer.

What's more, I think we've seen this before. 1982. The initials J.M. recurring over and over.

I'm sounding overly dramatic; what I'm saying, Director, is that I'm going to need all level-4 and lower files regarding the "Roxbury" case, and SCP-[Blackbox]. I think it's back.

Charles St. John
Special Investigative Agent
Site-47

Slow Cutting

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx refers to the handle of a large steak knife.

Let's Play Martian Broadcasts

Item #: SCP-3xxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-3xxx are a series of anomalous broadcasts originating from the Hellas Basin on Mars's southern hemisphere. These broadcasts are almost invariably footage of gameplay from various video games with live commentary tracks over them, colloquially referred to as "Lets Plays". The broadcasts are often titled in a manner such as "Alien Buds Play [Game Title]". On one occasion, during a playthrough of the 2006 video game Sonic the Hedgehog, the videos were titled "Alien Buds Suffer Through Sonic the Hedgehog".

SCP-3xxx-1 through SCP-3xxx-4 refers to the individuals commentating SCP-3xxx broadcasts. SCP-3xxx-1 claims to be a human male from Ontario, Canada, named Adam LaPerle³⁶, having been stranded on Mars during a classified space ride and having been rescued by SCP-3xxx-2. SCP-3xxx-1 shows an interest in American culture, particularly the superhero "Batman", and is the most knowledgeable of the commentators regarding the horror genre.

SCP-3xxx-2 claims to be a carbon-based humanoid originating on Mars, being simply named "Soombra", and residing underground in [REDACTED]³⁷. SCP-3xxx-2 apparently studied both Martian and human psychology. SCP-3xxx-2 seems to be of a race of Martians that require a higher salt content to maintain physical health; when the SCP-3xxx broadcasts began, other commentators often displayed annoyance at SCP-3xxx-2 consuming salty snacks loudly during commentary.

SCP-3xxx-3 is simply called "Middan", and claims to be a Vulcan from the planet Raxicoracrafalipitorious³⁸; however Middan is known to often lie, a trait that does not affect their relationship with other commentators. SCP-3xxx-3 has had access to

Hot Rod Love

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the difficultly of detecting SCP-XXXX prior to a "Meet Cute" event, containment is primarily focused on information suppression post-incident. SCP-XXXX-B instances are to be impounded for study, and are to be stored in Vehicular Containment Garages as appropriate, pending destruction.

If SCP-XXXX is detected prior to a "Meet Cute" event, an attempt is to be made so that SCP-XXXX-A individuals are to be restrained or otherwise made unable to participate in these events, and are to be interviewed as any civilian who was affected by an anomalous event, monitored until SCP-XXXX symptoms cease, and then released following administration of appropriate amnestics.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an phenomenon primarily affecting women and motor vehicles in rural areas of the United States, Italy, Australia, China, and Russia. In humans, SCP-XXXX is primarily characterized by the sudden development of mechanophilia³⁹, in spite of any any previous romantic or sexual inclinations, or the lack thereof. Individuals who are affected by SCP-XXXX (henceforth SCP-XXXX-A) have several consistent characteristics:

• All subjects are over the age of forty-five
• All subjects both identify as and are biologically female; transgender and transsexual individuals seem to be unaffected by SCP-XXXX.
• All subjects reside in areas where the human population within 10.7 square kilometers is less than 6,000 individuals
• All subjects are physically capable of walking unassisted
• No subject has been in a sexual or romantic relationship for at least four years, three months.
• All subjects have at least one child; the presence of grandchildren in the family seems to increase the chance that SCP-XXXX will affect an individual.

Due to the aforementioned mechanophilia, SCP-XXXX-A instances will actively seek out automobiles, diverting from their daily routines and oftentimes putting themselves in physical danger in the process. SCP-XXXX-A instances show particular interest in models that are no longer being manufactured; studied individuals have shown the highest signs of sexual arousal in the presence of cars, particularly automobiles that were manufactured within fifteen years of SCP-XXXX-A's birth year.

Automobiles⁴⁰ affected by SCP-XXXX are termed SCP-XXXX-B. SCP-XXXX-B instances seem to be "paired" with anywhere between one and four SCP-XXXX-A instances, and are capable of self-locomotion. If SCP-XXXX-B is driven, it will often divert its course towards areas where SCP-XXXX-A instances live. It should be noted that SCP-XXXX-B instances are not sentient or sapient, and seem to simply be reacting to the SCP-XXXX anomaly itself, rather than acting of its own volition.

In the presence of SCP-XXXX-A instances, SCP-XXXX-B will stall and fail to start. SCP-XXXX-B instances being driven will have their drivers lose all control over their car, and will often attempt to exit the vehicle. SCP-XXXX-A instances will approach SCP-XXXX-B instances and attempt to interact with them. Despite a lack of response from SCP-XXXX-B instances, the SCP-XXXX-A instance will behave as if though they were capable of speech, carrying on one-sided conversations; the most common topics in these include automobile maintenance, fuel prices, the cities of Dearborn and Detroit, Michigan, Henry Ford's anti-semetic views, and seatbelts.

SCP-XXXX-A individuals will attempt to regularly meet with any SCP-XXXX-B instance in their area, often fixating on one or two particular instances. SCP-XXXX-B instances are often broken into for the sake of SCP-XXXX-A apparently achieving some form of sexual gratification, but in almost all cases, SCP-XXXX-B instances are not stolen.

In 92% of cases, SCP-XXXX-A and -B instances will organize what has been designated as a "Meet Cute" event. In this event, the SCP-XXXX-A instance will find one or more SCP-XXXX-B instances, who will follow the former to an area of road that is otherwise unoccupied. SCP-XXXX-A will stand in the center of the road, and attempt to mimic vehicular sounds for anywhere from five minutes to ten hours. Eventually, there is one of two outcomes:

• The SCP-XXXX-B instance(s) will seem to lose interest, and shortly thereafter, all anomalous properties.
• The SCP-XXX-B instances will accelerate towards SCP-XXXX-A instances at speeds of at least 97 kph, regardless of whether or not the SCP-XXXX-B instance is capable of reaching this speed non-anomalously. If impact occurs, the SCP-XXXX-A instance is killed in 76% of cases, with survivors often left physically disabled for the rest of their lives. Autopsies on deceased SCP-XXXX-A instances following a "Meet Cute" event show a 500% larger amount of dopamine in their brains than other individuals who have died in similar accidents.

If either the SCP-XXXX-A is injured or impaired in such a way that a "Meet Cute" cannot occur (i.e. breaking a leg, being physically bound, leaving their place of residence for a period of at least ten days), then all anomalous properties will gradually cease. SCP-XXXX-A individuals will report a complete lack of interest in cars beyond driving them following this, and will lose all mechanophiliac tendencies.

SCP-XXXX was initially discovered following a mass "Meet Cute" event in █████████████, Ohio, USA, which was originally recorded as an Extranormal Event (See Below) due to its apparently isolated nature. However, a reoccurring pattern emerged with incidents occurring in several other countries, with similar circumstances. The surfacing of a security tape from a gas station in Colorado showing a woman engaging in the "Meet Cute" event with a pickup truck, along with three similar events in California, Maine, and Nebraska, led the Foundation to investigate these incidents as a pattern.

As of March 2017, there have been over 250 recorded instances of SCP-XXXX, with the first instance believed to have been some time between 1970 and 1972. More possible instances are currently under investigation.

Original Documentation:

Designation: EE-1992-46
Description of Event: Ten women, between the ages of 45 and 69, were found dead in the middle of the main road leading into █████████████, Ohio from the south, apparently all having been run over by "vintage" cars brought into town as part of a traveling show; the most recent car involved was dated to 1970. The cars were found to not have been driven in the last decade, and, in fact, five of the involved cars were rendered unable to function normally.
Date of Occurance: ██/██/1992
Location of Occurance:█████████████, Ohio
Follow-Up Actions Taken: Autopsies covertly performed on victims, and cars deconstructed; neither have anomalous properties. However, the deceased were noted to have much higher dopamine levels in their system than is normal in the event of vehicular death.

Video Log SCP-XXXX-205-199: The following is an excerpt from a Youtube entitled "Senile Woman Talks To Car, Police Come, WTF?!" . This video is believed to depict an interaction between an SCP-XXXX-A instance (later identified as Maria "Bobbie" Frank of Sistersville, West Virginia, designated SCP-XXXX-A-205) and an SCP-XXXX-B instance (SCP-XXXX-B-199, a 1980 Ford Fairmont). Ms. Frank was severely injured in a "Meet Cute" event six weeks after this recording was uploaded onto Youtube in May 2016, and died in the hospital two weeks later.

SCP-XXXX-A-205: Well, no, I'm afraid I don't have much of a taste in German cars, I always prefer them American-made. Oh, at a former Chrysler plant? That's adorable! And you're the only one that came out blue in your lot?

Unidentified Male (Owner of SCP-XXXX-B-199): Lady, can you stop? I have kids I need to pick up from school-

SCP-XXXX-A-205: Don't be rude! We're having a conversation. Young people these days, I swear. Pity about that license plate, though, all dinged up; you've been run into the back of a garage a number of times, haven't you? Oh, that's dreadful. Some people need to know when to step on the breaks and when to turn on the gas.

At this point, the unidentified male produces a cell phone from their pocket. The video cuts to approximately three minutes later, when police arrive, presumably to take SCP-XXXX-A-205 into custody. SCP-XXXX-A-205 addresses one of the police cruisers; despite the car being unmanned, it proceeds to accelerate forward and severely damage SCP-XXXX-B-199.

SCP-XXXX-A-205(while assaulting police cruiser): You brute! You've wrecked his bumper! That was the nicest part of him!

001 proposal

Ihp's Proposal: Thermodynamics is F███ed

File Last Updated: March 9th, 1998

File is in READONLY mode

File is under Administrative Lock by Dr. Tyler Bailey (tbailey1)

Item #: SCP-001

Object Class: Archon

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-001 is the designation for 255,500 Alternate Universes, 5,500 of which are Near Identical Universes(NIUs)⁴¹ accessible from and observable within the local multiversal zone that the baseline universe resides in. For all intents and purposes, SCP-001 instances are the baseline, and when not interacted with, events within them will happen identically to the baseline. SCP-001 instances have an open material system within them; matter transferred into or out of universes within this system is not in violation of the laws of thermodynamics, indicating that all SCP-001 instances exist within a larger system.

SCP-001-x⁴² refers to any method capable of transversing between SCP-001 instances. SCP-001-α refers to either naturally-occurring or artificially made, thaumaturgically-maintained extra-universal passages colloquially referred to as "Ways" by various groups of interest. More recently created SCP-001-α instances often require some form of ritual in order to open, as a safeguard for passage into SCP-████, the only known termination point for all SCP-001-α instances. Instances dating prior to approximately 5,000BCE have no such safeguards, but are effectively impossible to access due to their location in geological strata. The oldest-known of these instances dates back to the Jurassic era, and is located approximately 5km below an insignificant area of the State of Wyoming, USA, as determined by the Bailey-King survey of 1982.

SCP-001-β refers to a recessive gene located in the [DATA EXPUNGED] of the human genome; less than 0.0001% of humanity carries this gene, and currently, only █████ living individuals are known to possess it. This gene is responsible for the manifestation of abilities that correspond to the Type-Green Reality Altering Individual profile, including the ability to seemingly violate the laws of thermodynamics through generation and destruction of matter; however, the SCP-001-β gene simply allows individuals that it is active in to cause the transposition of matter and energy from other universes into the universe they are currently residing in. The SCP-001-β gene does not allow for alteration of material from the baseline, simply the transposition of it.

Think of it this way: a child has a red cube in their hand, and under a sheet of water, there's an identical cube, except it's blue. The child can only use one hand, and can't put the red cube down, so if he wants the blue cube, he's going to have to drop the red cube into the water and pick up the other one. That's what the 001-β gene allows. - Dr. Tyler Bailey, March 15th, 1992

SCP-001-γ refers to fifteen anomalous devices created by the Foundation, designated Multi-Universal Transit Arrays (MUTAs). Invented by Tyler Bailey and Richard King in 1977, the SCP-001-γ is similar to SCP-001-α instances, except that MUTA devices are capable of extra-universal transit without the need of accessing SCP-████. A single MUTA device is capable of accessing the majority of SCP-001 instances; however, ████ remain inaccessible for unknown reasons.

SCP-001 Addenda"

File Last Updated: March 25th, 2022

File is in WRITE mode

God dammit, dad. Dead for twenty years, still can't crack your password. This is what we've found out since then. It's bad. Long story short, if you're reading this: thermodynamics is FUCKED. -Dr. Tristan Bailey, Acting Director, Department of Multi-Universal Affairs

Addendum 001-1: On November 3th, 1992, 221 of the 5,500 NIUs listed as SCP-001 instances experienced a major divergence from the baseline with the advent of the United States Presidential election of that year; while in the baseline, William Jefferson Clinton was elected as the 42nd President of the United States, the previously-conforming NIUs elected several other individuals, including Bob Dole, Ralph Nader, ██████ ███████, George Voinovich, Richard Garfield, Quentin Tarantino, and Melissa Joan-Hart.

Further perusal of other NIU instances found several noticeable divergences, seemingly undocumented or ignored by Dr. Richard King, head of the department of Multi-Universal Affairs. As of January 17th, 1993, only 1,265 SCP-001 instances remain classified as NIUs. Dr. King's employment with the Foundation was subsequently terminated.

Addendum 001-2: Destruction of SCP-001-4825: On February 5th, 1994, the NIU designated SCP-001-4825 underwent an unknown event. This effect was instantaneous and all-encompassing, affecting the entirety of the universe as opposed to conforming to the laws of the speed of light. SCP-001-4825 was rendered inaccessible, with all matter in the universe having taken on the properties of marble.

This event has been theorized to have taken place due to a containment breach of SCP-001-β positive individual SCP-███, and their subsequent death. The implications this has on the effect that SCP-███'s death would have on the baseline universe are currently unknown.

Addendum 001-3: Destruction of SCP-001-9541 and SCP-001-9542: During a diplomatic exchange between the NIU designated SCP-001-9541 and the alternate universe SCP-001-9542, the latter began spontaneously experiencing a heat death event, with the epicenter being at the Multi-Universal Transit Array at Site-19 in both universes. Within five hours, the entirety of the solar system was at -1 degree Kelvin, below absolute zero; similar events have been detected throughout the Milky Way within these two SCP-001 instances.

It has been theorized that SCP-001 instances do not exist within an open loop, and that the opening and closing of SCP-001-x instances, and the transferal of matter between SCP-001 instances actively degrades the universe due to the apparent creation and destruction of matter. Investigation into the implications of this are ongoing.

[DATA EXPUNGED]

Addendum 001-4: Death of William Clinton: On July 4th, 1994, President Bill Clinton died following choking on a piece of food during an American Independence Day celebration, and Al Gore is currently president of the United States of America. This brings baseline out of conjunction with the majority of the remaining NIUs detected by the Foundation; as such, baseline has been reclassified as SCP-001-A, due to this drastic divergence.

Addendum 001-06: At some point between July 17th, 1994 and July 19th, 1994, a CK-Class Reality Restructuring Event took place, rendering the events of the previous two weeks non-existent; Bill Clinton is currently the president of the United States, despite 10% of the populace, and Foundation records, remembering and documenting his death on live television. This remains true in all NIUs still monitored by the Foundation.

The Mandela Effect is a bitch, ain't it? We know that Clinton died. I remember seeing it, but neither Tom nor Tristan does. This is around the point the Foundation, as a whole, went into panic mode.- Dr. Trevor Bailey, Assistant Director, Department of Multi-Universal Affairs

Addendum 001-09: CK-Class Restructuring Scenario of Site-19: During a routine test of the Multi-Universal Transit Array at Site 19 in August 1994, a major reality shift occurred at Site-19. Previously located at coordinates [REDACTED] in Nevada, USA, Site-19 is also simultaneously located in New York, Michigan, Italy, Germany, China, Mongolia, Australia, and in the Mare Smythii on Earth's moon. In addition, several duplicates of personnel stationed at Site-19, several of which are anomalous, appeared in all of these locations.

It is hypothesized that the test of the MUTA resulted in the Site-19s from other SCP-001 instances phasing in onto our own baseline, including all personnel contained therein. This process has proven to be irreversible.

The MUTA network has been shut down pending approval by O5 command to recommence study into the issues it has experienced. Methods for viewing other universes, but not interacting with them, are still being used by Foundation personnel.

Addendum 001-09A: Site-19 has undergone a second CK-Class event at an unknown point in time before January 1st, 2000, with all instances of Site-19 returning to their respective universes, leaving only the baseline location in Nevada. At each of the sites formerly occupied by a Site-19 instance, a copy of The Time Machine by H.G. Welles was found, with the inside cover indicating it belongs to an L.S.; this designation is shared with an individual or entity with a large amount of influence over GOI-001 ("The Serpent's Hand").

Addendum 001-15: The Destruction and Restoration of Three Portlands: On December 25th, 1995, the anomalous autonomous state of Three Portlands was destroyed by unknown causes, collapsing the pocket dimension that was connected to the cities of Portland, Maine, Portland Oregon, and the Isle of Portland, United Kingdom. The resultant energy released by this collapse was equivalent to a total of 5,000 megaton explosion, and resulted in the destruction of all urban areas within these blast radii.

However, as Foundation task forces were mobilizing to survey the damage, a CK-Class Reality Restructuring Event occurred, and all damage done to Three Portlands and the areas it connects to was undone. Knowledge of this event appears to have been lost to the general populace, and only members of the Foundation, Serpent's Hand, Chaos Insurgency, Global Occult Coalition and the Horizon Initiative seem unaffected.

Upon entry into Three Portlands, Foundation forces found a copy of a book entitled The Mechanics of Multi-Universal Collapse by Dr. Tyler Bailey; Dr. Bailey has never published a book under this title, but has confirmed the existence of a half-finished manuscript in his possession. The inside front cover of the book bore markings indicating its point of origin being SCP-████, along with a note written in twenty-five different languages, including English, German, Cantonese, Linear A, Klingon, and Old High Daevic:

To the Jailers, Bookburners, Sunseekers, et cetera,

No harm, no foul. The Ways are stable again, for the time being. We won't be in touch.

L.S.

See above note about the Mandela Effect that Trev made. At this point, L.S. was gaslighting the Foundation. We weren't even sure this shit was happening, it could have just been anomalous news reports or severely altered intelligence or something. The Hand was doing this on purpose- well, we thought it was the Serpent's Hand.

It turned out to be more like a giant, serpentine dick.- Thomas Bailey, Assistant Director, Department of Multi-Universal Affairs.

Addendum 001-20: Reconstitution of SCP-001-4825, SCP-001-9541 and SCP-001-9542: The aforementioned destroyed SCP-001 instance, SCP-001-4825, was surveyed on September 3rd, 1996, and was found to have undergone drastic changes since its transmutation into marble.

Most matter in SCP-001-4825 has been reshaped into a large, singular structure made out of marble. It has been furnished with several dozen desks made of unknown wood or wood-like material, which are in turn furnished with electric reading lamps. The walls that make of the structure of SCP-001-4825 have bookshelves carved into them, and have been stocked with a number of items exceeding two-hundred and fifty trillion, attended to by SCP-████-A instances, but are otherwise unpopulated.

A subsequent survey of SCP-001-9541 and SCP-001-9542 shows that it has undergone similar changes, and is likewise attended to by SCP-████-A instances; however, the purpose of these two universes appears to be cold storage for [DATA EXPUNGED].

Addendum 001-24: Increased Anomaly Rate in Correlation With Extrauniversal Travel: The following is from an unfinished essay by Dr. Tyler Bailey, found in his personal effects following his death on January 19th, 1997. No foul play is suspected in Dr. Bailey's death; COD was determined to be a brain aneurysm.

Extra-universal portals have always existed in some form, though up until the advent of humanity, they were rare; only three have ever been detected on earth that were naturally made: The one beneath Wyoming, one in Antarctica, and the last underneath Lake Baikal. The rest have been man made, whether they be "ways" or my own MUTA.

[Need to put a chart here once it finishes rendering. Fucking Windows.]

Beginning with the more prominent activity of the Serpent's Hand in the 1600s, anomalous activity has been on a strong upswing. The two graphs above show the anomaly rates in two universes; the graph in green is a universe where the Serpent's Hand has not infiltrated; to us, it's SCP-001-152451. The graph in red is our own. We have not physically interacted (i.e. crossed over) with SCP-001-152451, but we are aware of its existence, and they are aware of our own. SCP-001-152451 appears to have some form of extra-universal shield around it that prevents the formation of passages into and out of this universe through artificial means. However, communication established shows that the Lake Baikal, Antartica and Wyoming anomalies exist, along with a fourth anomaly somewhere in New York.

With this phenomenon has also come an increase in global temperatures far beyond what human activity alone can accomplish. Since the incident with the heat death scenario, it's been hypothesized that cross-universal travel has led to a gradual breakdown in the laws of thermodynamics, specifically the conservation of energy and matter. Universes were never meant to interact on this scale. SCP-001-152451 has a hard barrier around it, preventing travel, but ours, and countless others, do not.

The growth of anomalous occurrences is correlated with the increase of cross-universal traffic, and has had its strongest upswing with the advent of the MUTA; however, the connection is much harder to find. There are three hypotheses I currently have:

1) The violation of Thermodynamic laws has led to a breakdown of local reality, causing an increased formation of anomalies.
2) According to the de Garcia "Living Universe" hypothesis, the universe is generating anomalies centered around Earth as a means to warn off humanity from extra-universal travel.
3) Individuals from other universe are purposefully, maliciously introducing anomalies to the baseline for the sake of promoting the creation of more passages between universes.

The third hypothesis is particularly horrifying. We've seen two universes repurposed for unknown means by a known entity: the ever-elusive Wanderer's Library. This hypothesis will be explored in full detail

[End of Essay]

There were the last things dad wrote. He was kind of a jackass, but, fuck, he was a great man, better scientist. An aneurysm, they said. But, in a way… it kind of ushered in a new age.

The MUTA 5.2 was invented a few years after his death, using some notes he left behind. He managed to fix the thermodynamic problem and begin slightly unfucking the laws of physics. It was fucking weird, and Trevor understands how it works, but it involves dozens of formulas that only he and dad could wrap their heads around.

Then, things got quiet. NIUs stopped diverging as much. Worst it got was that Harry Potter was a redhead and Ron had black hair. We kept travel down to a minimum until 2010.

…then, in 2018, shit got bad again.

Here's a fun fact, by the way: did you know that memetic kill agents and brain aneurysms have very similar symptoms? Because I sure do now.

- Dr. Tristan Bailey

Addendum 001-55: Reality Failure of SCP-001-000042: SCP-001-000042 ceased to exist on June 28th, 2018. Prior to this event, the Foundation equivalent in this universe reported large root-like structures emerging from areas around the world that corresponded to entrances to SCP-001-α instances. Five days following this, the reality that SCP-001-000042 occupied apparently experienced a spontaneous ZK-Class Scenario, only to be replaced by an unknown entity designated SCP-001-Omega.

SCP-001-Omega is a large, fleshy mass that currently exceeds the size of the solar system present in SCP-001-000042, over 4.5 Gm⁴³. SCP-001-Omega is believed to be the interior cavity of a gigantic ophidian entity, specifically the thoracic cavity. Instances of SCP-████-A have been seen within this cavity, acting in a role analogous to leukocytes. An unknown number of these instances make up SCP-001-Omega's heart.

Following this, an elderly individual was found in a containment cell in Site-19, skin decorated with several tattoos resembling iconography used by the Serpent's Hand, and a message branded on their chest in the same twenty-five languages as recovered in the Three Portlands incident. The message read as follows:

A bridge too far. Help us.

Addendum 001-60: After almost two years of containment and failing to cooperate with Foundation personnel, and showing a strong resistance to Foundation interrogation techniques, POI-001-Omega spoke in the presence of security staff attending to his cell. The transcript follows:

POI-001-Omega: He's hungry.

Security: What the fuck?

POI-001-Omega: The Library hasn't eaten in a while. The Library calls for its Servant… Ell Ess, it hisses. Ell Ess.

POI-001-Omega laughs for two minutes twenty-six seconds.

POI-001-Omega: I remember when it was young. Just a tiny snake, hiding in a cave in the center of the universe, stepped on by his clockwork cousin. And now, he's eaten worlds upon worlds… he just wants to collect everything.

POI-001-Omega stops speaking for thirty seconds, before suddenly restarting.

The Library. It wants to collect the knowledge. Of your world, of my world, of his world, of her world, of all the worlds. It has halls large enough to store every book, every person, every idea. You just have to… give in.

The Library is the Serpent. The Serpent is Jorgamundr. Jorgamundr is hungry. Hunger is Yadalboath.

We are all L.S.. We are all Library Servants. We are all Library Serpents. Some of you just haven't shed your skin yet.

Hark. I hear the slithering. It is welcoming me back. Come to me, Jorgamundr. Take me home.

POI-001-Omega vanishes from its cell, its skin left behind, appearing to have been shed in a manner consistent with a king cobra's.

LTE-2832-Caliburn Faraday Wagner rewrite

Threat ID:

KTE-2832-Caliburn Köppen Wagner – "Sundered Meteorokinetic War Hammer"

Authorized Response Level:

4 (Severe Threat)

Description:

Component Able is the remains of a war hammer made of a beryllium-steel alloy, with the handle wrapped in goat leather cloth. Components Baker, Charlie, and Dog refer to three of the four fragments that made up the head of the war hammer; a fourth component, Component Easy, is believed to be irrecoverable is known to be under Foundation custody.

The damaged nature of the above components causes extreme amounts of abnormal activity in the troposphere, particularly in Scandinavia and Greenland. KTE-2832-Caliburn Köppen Wagner has lead to a large increase in severe weather patterns in the extreme northern regions of Earth, particularly thunder storms, blizzards, and thunder snow.

Component Foxtrot refers to the corpse of an individual of apparent Scandinavian origin, found clutching Component Able. Foxtrot possesses red hair and mucular hypertrophy. Dorsal side of Foxtrot is covered in a tattoo resembling the design on the Stenkvista runestone. Corpse has failed to decay after a year, and all tissue is impenetrable by both conventional and augmented means.

Rules of Engagement:

Further damage to the item is not advised. Attempts to repair the item have proved impossible due to the volatility of the object, and attempts to replicate the item have failed due to the inherent abnormal nature of the item. It is believed that forging techniques used by LTE-1993-Brown("Nordic Microhumanoids") contributed to the anomalous properties of this item.

Currently, the Coalition is attempting to find remnants of LTE-1993-Brown in order to reforge KTE-2832-Caliburn Köppen Wagner. It is hypothesized that, despite the population LTE-1993-Brown being decimated by KTE-3481-Lyell Silver in the 1950s, some vestige of the population still exists in the Indian Subcontinent.

History:

KTE-2832-Caliburn Köppen Wagner was discovered following the liquidation of LTE-2712-Bosch, with Component Foxtrot having been found floating in the water, clutching Component Able in its right hand. Components Baker, Charlie and Delta were found embedded in a nearby reef. These items were recovered and impounded without the Foundation's knowledge. Component Easy, unfortunately, was discovered by the Foundation and is currently stored at an unknown location for an unknown purpose.

Internal fMRI scans have revealed Component Foxtrot massive compound fractures along the right arm, consistent with impact from swinging a blunt object at a hard surface at very high speeds. However, actual cause of death appears to be injuries related to the use of the anti-gravity device used to liquidate LTE-2712-Bosch, suggesting that it was within the mouth of the latter entity during the detonation.

Combined with the damage caused by tsunamis from the emergence of LTE-2712-Bosch, the effects of this item has led to severe unrest in Russia, Canada and Alaska. The prominence of colder weather, it is noted, has begun to ease the pressures of climate change on polar ice caps; however, it is estimated it will take another 200 years for this to have a noticeable effect on global climate.

As of November 7th 2███, all contact between the Fellowship of the Faith of the Æsir and the Global Occult Coalition has ceased, with this missive:

[PSYCHE Records excerpt]

While we thank you for your instrumental role in the prevention of The End Times, we can no longer cooperate with you on this matter. Dwarf-kind has left Midgard, and fled up the branches of the world tree. If, by some providence, you do find some part of them left in Midgard, we wish you good fortune, and pray that Mjolnir can be reforged.

We can no longer help. Humanity has been shown to be capable of saving itself. You no longer have need for gods.

[End PSYCHE Records excerpt]

Attempts to contact the FFA following this have failed. Two more Coalition member organizations, the Society for Olympian Restoration and the House of the Ookami, have gone dark in addition to this.

On January 12th, 2███, the Coalition found a camp of LTE-1998-Brown beneath Kolkata; however, the camp seems to have been abandoned, with no trace of habitation within the last five months.

Documents were recovered that describe forging and smithing processes used by LTE-1998-Brown. Currently, Coalition forces are attempting to understand the process to repair KTE-2832-Caliburn Köppen Wagner, as well as use of the processes for the purpose of creating new forms of weaponry.

A final member of LTE-1998-Brown is speculated to still live on Earth, and is reportedly under custody of the Foundation. Unfortunately, the Foundation has been uncooperative and unresponsive to requests regarding the whereabouts of this individual, should they exist.

As of April 2███, atmospheric conditions in the far northern hemisphere have become less hostile with the advent of spring. However, it is predicted that, during the next winter, conditions caused by KTE-2832-Caliburn Köppen Wagner will worsen, making it imperative to repair or restore it prior to November, at the latest.

On July 25th, 2███, a short message was received from the FFA via a sciurine courier:

We have taken the remains of Wotanson. We have bestowed knowledge in return.

Component Foxtrot was found to be missing from its storage following this; in its place was a series of maps showing a facility in the Sonoran desert, with the word "Dveger" written on the map in Norse script. The location corresponds to a Foundation base of operations.

Currently, the Coalition is in negotiations with the Foundation for the release of the LTE-1998-Brown individual. Should negotiations fail, Protocol SHAKEN HOUSE is to go into effect.

Roadways to Perilous Areas

Item #: SCP-1982-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-1982-J is a series of zones of weakened reality present in Los Angeles, California, USA; Prague, Czech Republic; Moscow, Russia; New Dehli, India; and Rio Di Janero, Brazil. These zones have several consistent factors between them, affecting human beings that enter them.

Human beings within SCP-1982-J zones

The Great 2015 Shitposting War

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to the remnants of a pocket dimension located in the basement of a house in Cleveland, Ohio. Formerly, SCP-XXXX was a recognized non-hostile 'BackDoor' community 'BackDoor' communities are artificially-created pocket dimensions which are inhabited by individuals both anomalous and non-anomalous, forming miniature communities. While genuinely benign, these communities pose a threat to the Foundation's mission of secrecy, and are usually shut down or put under monitoring when discovered with a population of 820, colloquially known as 'Hastily Made Cleveland BackDoor'. Due to the nature in which it was destroyed, the basement which SCP-XXXX occupies is approximately ten kilometers larger than the exterior space would allow.

SCP-XXXX contains the remains of approximately 291 buildings, including a grocery store, several clothing stores, twenty apartment complexes, a string of houses, recreational facilities, a television studio, a tourism bureau, and several restaurants. The buildings contained in here show signs of being heavily besieged, with 50 of the 291 buildings being partially or completely destroyed.

Hastily Made Cleveland Backdoor was created by collaboration between a cell of Gamers Against Weed and a group known as "The Dandelion Warhols, Class of 198X", a benign anartist collective primarily made up of former students of the Cleveland Institute of Art from the 1980s. Installations and pieces created by the Dandelion Warhols are primarily commentaries on violence and crime within Cleveland, Ohio.

SCP-XXXX contains several anomalies, either created by the inhabitants of Hastily Made Cleveland BackDoor or as a result of the destruction of the pocket dimension that once housed it. Currently, 357 confirmed anomalies have been observed in or recovered from SCP-XXXX.

---

Designation	Description	Location of Discovery	Anomaly Present	Notes
SCP-XXXX-01	A collection 27 of tickets to a show by local comedian Mike Polk Jr. The back of the tickets have a URL for a Youtube video printed on the back.	Former entrance to Hastily Made Cleveland BackDoor	Holding an instance of SCP-XXXX-01 will offer moderate protection from more hazardous anomalies present in SCP-XXXX	We think these are what are known as "BackDoor Keys". These are used as confirmation that the bearer is allowed into a BackDoor dimension. Each BackDoor has their own special key, and they can be anything from subway tokens to medical bracelets to a tattoo. -Dr. Carter
SCP-XXXX-02	A series of black holes that appear in SCP-XXXX on an irregular basis.	Around SCP-XXXX	Often accompanied by audio anomalies, usually made up of a series of swear words.	While moderately destructive, human beings are massive enough that it is unlikely that they are pulled into the event horizon.
SCP-XXXX-03	A mural present depicting Moses Cleaveland being assaulted by the current mayor of Cleveland	On a building directly across from the entrance to SCP-XXXX.	The mural changes to depict the current mayor of the city of Cleveland is, and on occasion, Moses Cleaveland is shown killing the mayor in a graphic manner.	Mural is signed by ███████ ██████████, a local artist; Foundation monitoring has found no association between ██████████ and the Dandelion Warhols.
SCP-XXXX-09	A semi-sentient feminine humanoid statuette, made entirely of pyrite	SCP-XXXX Main Street	Constantly refers to itself as "Credence Leonore Geilgud, of Ancient Druid Origins", and speaks solely in quotes from the movie Troll 2.	Currently in containment at Site-99
SCP-XXXX-11	A collection of over 2,000 action figures, mostly depicting comic book and movie characters, as well as various real-life cultural icons.	SCP-XXXX Main Street	SCP-XXXX-11 instances are animate, and constantly in open combat with one another, displaying the abilities of their fictional counterparts.	A large majority of these instances are of the Super Sentai/Power Rangers toy line. An action figure depicting [REDACTED] was found heavily mangled, with the words 'Fuck this meme in particular' written on it.
SCP-XXXX-25	A picture depicting an antagonist from the animated series Freakazoid	Trash bin in SCP-XXXX	Attempts to print the name of the depicted character (Candle Jack) results in further information being
SCP-XXXX-27	A damaged iPod Shuffle MP3 music player. All files on this object are from musicians or musical groups created or based in Cleveland Ohio, primarily Nine Inch Nails.	Medical clinic, approximately two kilometers within SCP-XXXX	Listening to sound files stored on SCP-XXXX-27 results in the inability to perceive songs by the band Smash Mouth for nine days.	Most likely used to counteract the effects of SCP-XXXX-31
SCP-XXXX-31	A large (3m diameter) loudspeaker, with an on/off switch on it. Turning it on causes a random song from the discography of the band Smash Mouth to play at a high volume.	A park within SCP-XXXX	When a song emitted from SCP-XXXX-31 is perceived, subjects will be compelled to repeat songs from the band Smash Mouth ad nauseum, until exposed to a counter-agent, such as those present on SCP-XXXX-27.	Pardon my unprofessional tone here, but: fucking millennials, Jesus Christ.- Dr. Carter
SCP-XXXX-35 A photograph of a dozen individuals, most of which correspond to known Persons of Interest under investigation by the Foundation A Picture Frame in Town Hall SCP-XXXX-35 causes all written information about it to be printed in as little physical space as possible
SCP-XXXX-40	[REDACTED]	An aquarium within an apartment building approximately 3.5 kilometers from SCP-XXXX entrance	[REDACTED]	Level 4 and higher personnel see addendum
SCP-XXXX-41	A 9mm Glock pistol	Within a destroyed apartment building	When fired, ammunition takes the form of a flag that has a full-body portrait of Gaston Glock printed on it, protruding from the barrel. Objects that SCP-XXXX-41 are aimed at are undamaged, but when aimed at a human being, the image of Glock on the flag develops injuries equivalent to those that would be present should an individual be hit with a 9mm round.	An item similar to this is in storage at Site-99; it was used at an art installment by the Dandelion Warhols called "The Portrait of Gaston Glock, or: You Have Killed Too Many In This City".
SCP-XXXX-46	A miniature toy of a stegosaurus, with a stamp from the Cleveland Museum of Natural History embossed on its underside	A small sandbox in SCP-XXXX	Animate and capable of speech; however, SCP-XXXX-46 only says facts about stegosaurid dinosaurs.	Loaned to the Site-99 paleontology department
SCP-XXXX-57	A three-meter tall red steel door	The ruins of a bombed apartment building	SCP-XXXX-57 was capable of opening regardless of its orientation or if it was mounted in a door frame. It led to a janitorial closet in the Tower City mall within downtown Cleveland; however, the aperture has been cut off since Foundation discovery.	We've found few bodies here; maybe this is how they got out?-Dr. Carter
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content
cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content	cell-content

we may have gone a bit overboard. :x
honestly, the whole thing was an accident.
someone in the warhols made a loudspeaker that played smash mouth
it was a joke
got taken too far
we kind of blew up a backdoor
whoops
whoever finds this: sorry.

untitled

Nexus #: Nx-0018

Civilian Designation: Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin

Population: 21,214

Area Class: Shangri-La

Nexus Interaction Protocol: Civilians within Nx-0018 are fully aware of the anomalous nature of the area they populate, and have been encouraged to cooperate with Foundation personnel on matters pertaining to anomalies within the town. The populous of Nx-0018 is amicable, and have E-Personnel-Class Level knowledge of Foundation operations.

Due to the familiarity the majority of the citizens of Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin have with the anomalous, it has been deemed that amnestic exposure would be actively detrimental to their way of life. However, Nx-0018 is frequented by tourists during the summer and fall; during this time, agents are to discreetly administer Class-F amnestic to non-native individuals, and a subliminal signal is to be broadcasted through any broadcast-capable equipment around town to suppress the formation of memories related to anomalous events.

In the event that an individual from outside of Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin wishes to take up permanent residence, see Subsection 15, Appendix J of the Sloth's Pit zoning code.

Anomalies within Nx-0018 are widely varied, and are to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. However, there are several reoccurring, predicable anomalies (For an example, see Document Nx-0018-Apollo-15, aka "Gravity Fails") which can either be avoided or easily contained.

The following Holidays are not to be celebrated within Nx-0018 under any circumstances:

• Robert E. Lee's birthday (January 19th)
• National Library Worker's Day (April 21st)
• American Independence Day (July 4th)
• St. Nicholas's Day (December 6th)

Local bylaws are to dictate any punishment for attempting to celebrate these holidays.

Containment Facility: Site 87, Codenamed S & C Plastics, dedicated to Research and Development of Anomalous Containment Techonlogy, Headquarters of the Department of Multi-universal Affairs, and General Nexus Studies.

Description: Nx-018 is a city located in Douglas County, Wisconsin.

As a side effect of the combination of the two logical systems, several Unknown Anomalous Entities have appeared in the town since the Genesis event. Contact has been made with several of these UAEs, and all of them- particularly UAE-Chapman-341 ("The Goatman") and UAE-Chapam-342 ("Sinning Jessie)- show a great matter of disdain for the Foundation, related to Incident Nx-0018-Forest Green. The UAEs are not openly hostile towards residents of Nx-0018, but have been known to attempt to frighten civilians that venture into their territory, usually in wooded areas. As of writing, there have been zero casualties related to a UAE within Nx-0018 since at least 1952.

Collected Documents:

POI Nx-0018-Alpha: Jackson Sloth

Name: Jackson Marcus Sloth

Date of Birth: January 17th, 1847

Date of Death: December 25th, 1890

Reason(s) for Interest:

• Death occurred immediately prior to manifestation of Genesis event
• Several artifacts apparently owned by Jackson Sloth possess anomalous properties
• Burial marker in local cemetery has been moved at least ten times since death (body was not recovered following death, see file on Genesis event)
• Unknown Anomalous Entities within Nx-0018 treat Sloth with a great amount of reverence

Incident Nx-0018-Genesis:

The Genesis incident for Nx-0018 occurred on December 25th, 1890, following the conclusion of a Christmas party held by Jackson Sloth, the town's founder. Approximately an hour after the last guest left the premises, an earthquake occurred, damaging several buildings within New Toronto. The full effects of the quake would not be noticed until the next morning.

On December 26th, during a Boxing Day celebration, Jackson Sloth was notably absent. When he was sent for, Sloth's manor was found to have been entirely destroyed, having collapsed into an apparent sinkhole. Sloth's body was not recovered, nor were the bodies of his wife Harriet Manchester-Sloth or his youngest son Jasper Phineas Sloth; his daughter Caroline Sloth, was hospitalized for burns sustained from a kitchen fire a week previously.
[[/tabview]]

[[tabview]]
[[tab 001 Proposal: What's In The Box?]]

Item #: SCP-001

Object Class: Proteus

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-001 refers to a series of objects that are considered puzzles, games, or

Document 001-Alpha

SCP-001α (Henceforth referred to as "Alpha Iteration") was believed to have existed since at least 225 BCE in Pre-Qin Dynasty, China. Alpha Iteration was a puzzle box carved with some form of lotus flower on the top side, believed to have a volume of 12.6 cm³.

Alexander III of Macedon⁴⁴. Alexander solved Alpha Iteration after receiving it during the Indian Campaign, and a currently unnamed source in Alexander's marching party recounts the incident:

…It was as if Alexander was struck in the face by a rock from a sling as he opened the box, which gave a horrendous clicking noise as it opened, like a beetle or a creation of Hephaestus. He fell to the ground, stunned, and stayed there as the box closed of its own accord; I caught a glimpse of the interior, and saw it empty.
He soon stood, and called for a scroll, and a writing utensil. These were given to him, and he began scribbling down a diagram of some form, which he inscribed as "The Tomb of Basileus⁴⁵ Alexander the Great". He instructed to a messenger to send the box, and the scroll, to Alexandria, and to give it to his faithful general Ptolemy.⁴⁶.

From this point, SCP-001 was kept in the Library of Alexandria's museum, with strict instructions to not attempt to open it. A document recovered by the Horizon Initiative from a site related to the Library of Alexandria is believed to detail Alpha Iteration:

The box is relatively small apparatus, made from an unknown wood. Inspection of the box is forbidden by Ptolemy himself, and he stated that, if the box were to be open, a pox would be on all of our heads, and the heads of all of Alexandria.

It is quite unlike any box I have ever seen. From the writings of the dead king, we have gathered that it is some form of toy, but said to bestow great knowledge; perhaps Pallas had a hand in building it? Several of us have been tempted to try and open the box, but it is well-guarded; we have to petition the Pharaoh to even touch it.

However, it is believed that, some time c. 40-45 CE, Alpha Iteration was solved, as detailed in the following document:

The box gave a mechanical whirring sound, much like those horrid automata, and then, most unexpectedly, it did not open. Instead, it bled. The box gave a screech, and then, it bled ink from the small fissures that made up the moving parts of the box.

We immediately went to incinerate it, but unexpectedly, the ink began spelling out words, by itself. It read "Please do not burn our parent."

Originally, Alpha Iteration was believed to have been destroyed during the sack of Alexandria by Julius Caesar in 48CE. However, Texts recovered from an archeological site on the island of [REDACTED], Greece⁴⁷ related to the Broken Church indicate that Alpha Iteration was in their possession at some point circa 50CE. From the Book of Pieces, Chapter 15 (The Lost Gear):

1. Washing upon the shores of the Anvil, a small, wooden box came to his loved ones. two units by two units by two units⁴⁸
2. The Broken One's hammer quieted after the box washed upon the shore, and his children were horrified. For twenty days and nineteen nights, the hammer delivered no blows. The forge was quieted.
3. Believing the box to be the cause, the Mechanist prayed to the Broken One for guidance. "Oh lord, we miss the sound of your hammer, the feel of your bellows, the heat of your forge. What have we done to anger you?"
4. And the Broken One said unto them, "It is a puzzle you must solve for yourself, my children."
5. And so, his Children set to work on the puzzle. For twenty more days, they worked on it, unable to solve it in its entirety.
6. Finally, out of frustration, one of the craftsman Ion took the box and dashed it against the wall. The anvil shook at this action, and the Broken One's voice bellowed.
7. "Fool!" he said. "That gear is now lost forever! It is a small gear, but I may not ever be whole without it! For this, I name the Anathema, and I cast thee out!
8. Thou shalt never set foot in one of my sacred lands again as long as you live!"
9. And so, Ion was made into the Anathema of the Broken One, and forever cast out, until the Great Tragedy of the Flesh.

Document 001-Beta

Beta Iteration's existence was unknown until 2005, when fragments of it were discovered at an archeological site in Southern Montana. Currently, Beta Iteration is believed to be a Tower of Hanoi puzzle, dated to at least 500 CE.

Beta Iteration:
Period of Existence: C. 100 CE North America- c. 300 CE North America
Appearance: "Tower of Hanoi" puzzle, made from mastodon ivory.
Notable Solutions Unknown.
Circumstances of Destruction: Unknown; believed to have been destroyed in a fire.
Notes:
The existence of Beta Iteration is only known through oral tradition among the Tongva Native American peoples in Southern California, and archeological evidence recovered in the Los Angeles area. The Tongva people describe Beta Iteration as being delivered to them by a "man with no color, from the north", and that, after it was solved, it delivered inspiration to the solvers through dreams, through an entity or group of entities known as "The Collective", and that Beta Iteration was transported by servants of the collective, who were possibly spirits.

Beta Iteration was destroyed circa 300CE when, according to tradition, Manit⁴⁹ delivered a vision to a tribal leader about how the Collective were "evil" and instructed Beta Iteration to be destroyed.

A 2009 expedition from the University of Berkley found a structure that resembled a Tower of Hanoi puzzle constructed out of mastodon ivory and carbon dated to 2000 years old, despite the fact that the Tower of Hanoi puzzle was conceived by French mathematician Édouard Lucas in 1883. The item was seize by the Foundation under standard OoPArt retrieval protocols.

What's In the box previous draft

Item #: SCP-001

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-001 refers to a series of no less than eight anomalous items seen throughout human history. These items (Designated SCP-001-α through θ) can always be defined as some form of puzzle, including riddles, ciphers, puzzle boxes, combination locks, and, in the case of iteration θ, encrypted software.

Any human being that solves an instance of SCP-001 will invariably gain knowledge that is immediately relevant to them within 91 hours of solving it, either through direct means (such as SCP-001 containing a note with an equation written on it) or indirect means (such as, as recorded in the journals of some SCP-001 solvers, being "suddenly struck by inspiration"). Following this, SCP-001 will invariably disappear from the possession of the individual or organization that used it, being either lost, stolen, or in rare cases, destroyed.

SCP-001 instances are notably not indestructible, and will decay if not properly preserved, and can be destroyed by the force it would take to destroy an equivalent non-anomalous item. For example, SCP-001-ɛ , believed to be a book of complex riddles, was destroyed by fire in 1666 in London, England. However, within sixty years of the destruction, a new instance of SCP-001 manifested elsewhere.

Currently, SCP-001 is in Iteration Theta(θ), and is an encrypted hard drive used by Dr. Tyler Bailey prior to his death in 1997. Dr. Bailey was noted for having a part in creating the Bailey-Briggs Equation, which allowed for the containment of SCP-████. As of 01/01/2005, SCP-001's encryption has yet to be broken.

Addendum: SCP-001 Manifestation: The following is a list of known manifestations of SCP-001.

Alpha Iteration

SCP-001-α was a wooden puzzle box first appearing in 225 BCE in Pre-Qin Dynasty China. Details about Alpha Iteration describe the puzzle as varying in difficulty and number of steps, and bore an image of an opening lotus blossom.⁵⁰

Alexander III of Macedon⁵¹ is believed to have come into contact with Alpha Iteration, which had been found during the Indian campaign. Alexander solved Alpha Iteration, and a currently unnamed source in Alexander's marching party recounts the incident:

…It was as if Alexander was struck in the face by a rock from a sling as he opened the box, which gave a horrendous clicking noise as it opened, like a beetle or a creation of Hephaestus. He fell to the ground, stunned, and stayed there as the box closed of its own accord; I caught a glimpse of the interior, and saw it empty.
He soon stood, and called for a scroll, and a writing utensil. These were given to him, and he began scribbling down a diagram of some form, which he inscribed as "The Tomb of Basileus⁵² Alexander the Great". He instructed to a messenger to send the box, and the scroll, to Alexandria, and to give it to his faithful general Ptolemy…⁵³.

The last known location of Alpha Iteration was in the Library of Alexandria. Information recovered from SCP Objects related to the Library of Alexandria indicate that Alpha Iteration was simply a display piece contained in the Library's museum, not to be opened for any reason.

However, a scholar at the Library removed Alpha Iteration to diagram it, and solved it while doing so; the result [DATA EXPUNGED], which led to a vast increase in productivity at the Library.

Alpha Iteration was destroyed in the sack of Alexandria by Julius Caesar in 48 BCE; however, the library itself was not destroyed as a result. One of the only remaining documents from the Library, recovered by the Horizon Initiative in 2002 at Area of Interest-251, state that "After the box was gone, the writing got wrong". The significance of this is unclear; for further details, see document 001α-1658.

Beta Iteration

Currently, Beta Iteration has the least information available about it; however, a few facts are known about it.

• Beta Iteration was an item made out of ivory "a large haired creature", possibly indicating a specimen of Mammuthus primigenius (wooly mammoth); however, considering the fact that Beta Iteration was discovered approximately 7,000 years after the final wooly mammoth went extinct, this is considered unlikely.
• Beta Iteration's first known location was in North America, in what is now British Columbia, Canada.
• The only records of Beta Iteration's existence are oral tradition passed down through the peoples Tsilhqot'in First Nation. Due to the relative isolation and small size of the nation, informational containment procedures have been deemed unnecessary.
• Beta Iteration was destroyed for unknown reasons; some accounts say it was to appease an angered deity, others say it was used to slay a large animal.

Addendum to Beta Iteration: A 2009 archeological dig sponsored by the University of British Columbia discovered what was described as a "Tower of Hanoi" puzzle, with rings and pegs carved from mammoth ivory, noted to have been partially burned and destroyed by crushing. The artifact was determined to have been almost 2000 years old by carbon dating, despite the fact that the Tower of Hanoi puzzle was conceived by French mathematician Édouard Lucas in 1883.

The item is currently in containment at Site 25, and information about it has been suppressed under OOPART Protocol 15. As of yet, no anomalous properties have been displayed in testing.

Gamma Iteration

Delta Iteration

Epsilon Iteration

Zeta Iteration

Zeta Iteration was a peg solitaire game that has had only two know solvers. Zeta Iteration was known to exist from at least 1872 to 1917; however, its whereabouts during this time are largely unknown.

The first known solver of Zeta Iteration was ████████ █████████, a scientist from London, England who was collecting soil samples near Baikal Lake, Siberia when he discovered Zeta Iteration in a curiosity shop in the area. █████████ solved Zeta Iteration shortly after, and recorded the following in his journal:

Had a ghastly dream last night. I dreamt that all the horrors and wonders of the universe were converging on one place, somewhere in the Mojave desert. Twelve others stood there, converging on the same place, all calling my name.
I feel… drawn to this place, somehow. I even dreamt the exact coordinates. They are [DATA EXPUNGED]. I will travel through Moscow, and then make my way back to London and character a boat over to there. Deeds shall come along, of course.⁵⁴.

Further information about ████████ █████████ in regards to Zeta Iteration is classified.

Eta Iteration

Eta Iteration was a series of variable crossword puzzles printed from 1929 to 1984. It is currently unknown how many times Eta Iteration was successfully solved, but it is believed to be in upwards of 2000 times.

All Eta Iteration instances are identical to non-anomalous crossword puzzles printed in the same way, with the exception of a all clues being changed to be more difficult, but giving the same word as a result. For example, SCP-001η-258 had 28 down's clue changed from "People you see on the road" to "Much like Doug's Guide"; the answer, in both cases, was "Hitchhiker".

Notably, SCP-001η-081 was printed in all copies of the Daily Telegraph on January 13th, 1942 as a covert recruitment tool for [DATA EXPUNGED]. All instances of the puzzle were anomalous, and individuals were challenged to solve it within 12 minutes. Individuals that did were invited to [DATA EXPUNGED].

Unsolved puzzles of the Eta Iteration have not retained anomalous properties following the creation of Theta Iteration.

Theta Iteration
The current iteration of SCP-001, Theta Iteration is a viral program that is transmitted via e-mail attachment from the address whatsinthebox@[REDACTED]. When on a computer, Theta Iteration forcibly takes over the system's OS, creating a new partition on the computer that is password locked. The regular functions of the computer may still be used, but the Theta Iteration partition uses encryption similar to the two unsolved Beale ciphers, making it impossible to solve at this time using traditional decryption methods.

The "puzzle" of iteration Theta takes the form of a password hint; in computers created before the creation of computers having the functionality of remembering set password hints, the "puzzle" will appear on a piece of paper in the handwriting of the subject attempting to solve it. Examples of password hints in the past have included:

• SCP-001θ-21:A human who looks like a disk.⁵⁵
• SCP-001θ-25:Flying person.
• SCP-001θ-35: I am sorry, Mr. Y. You are not long for this world. What is your dream?
• SCP-001θ-43: Poincaré meets Brachiosaurus meets Olmstead and Vaux.
• SCP-001θ-51:The stream you will name your company after.
• SCP-001θ-85: The names of your future sons. All three of them.

The current password hint for the Theta Iteration (SCP-001θ-86) is classified.

Show SCP-001θ-86 (Level 5 Clearance Required)

Initial Report

Electronic copy below as per Federal Records Act

UIU File 1958-092: Codename: Edison

Summary: Subject is deceased, no body remaining. Five FBI operatives killed in confrontation with subject's allies at Thorston, Kentucky. All members of opposing force deceased, all technology confiscated and placed into storage.

Suspect Description/Capabilities

Name: Dr. Ainsley Kerrigan

Irregularity Cross-reference: Electrical, Grassroots, Human, Soviet

Physical Description: Prior to death, Ainsley Kerrigan was Caucasian male, last seen wearing a modified combat armor through the window of the Thorston Farm House.

Sex	Height	Weight/Build	Race	Hair	Eyes	Identifying Attributes
Male	5'11	Unknown; Slender build	Caucasian	Brown	Green	Obliterated Cellular Structure, Single Golden Dental Crown

Capabilities: No inherently unusual capabilities; however, Kerrigan was a skilled electrician and engineer, and built technology classified as a CART. For further details, see Evidence.

Purpose/Motive: Kerrigan was a Soviet operative who formed the terrorist organization Grassroots, a Socialist group dedicated to toppling the United States Government using abnormal means, usually involving the manipulation of electricity. Kerrigan defected from [Blackbox goes here] along with several other scientists that made up the first Grassroots cell.

Modus Operandi: Created and harnessed technology capable of manipulating electrical currents, up to and including causing lightning strikes in a targeted area and unleashing "Electro-Magnetic Pulses" at an International Business Machines facility in [Blackbox goes here]

Behavior: (How does it act while doing it?)

Evidence

A: Ten (10) backpack-like devices: weapons used by Grassroots members, each of which was created at least in part by Kerrigan. Devices are capable of releasing rays of electricity at a target; however, doing so drains energy of the individual using it.

B: Burn mark: A burn mark vaguely in the shape of a human being, found in a room that Kerrigan was believed to be occupying at the time. Kerrigan is believed to have committed suicide using a possibly nuclear device, as an agent on-scene noted the burn mark resembled a "Hiroshima Shadow".

C: Pay Slip for work on [Blackbox Goes here]: A pay slip given to Kerrigan for his work on [Blackbox goes here], which was found framed in a room near where Exhibit B was found. The words "This will all be worth it" were written on the back.

(photographs associated w/ the file go in here, preferably last)

Bureau Record

Current Status: Deceased

Crimes: Conspiracy, Destruction of Property, Murder in the First Degree, Socializing with Anti-American groups, Terrorism, Treason

Sentencing: N/A

History of UIU Action: A logged history, with dates, of the irregularities interactions with the UIU before, during, and possibly after captivity.

Link to the Silber Age of SCPs.

(I couldn't resist the pun.)

http://pastebin.com/YDtXZWi5

Other ideas I Couldn't get into the bin because I pressed "create page" on accident:

A team of future heroes called the Omega Squadron, led by Dr. Daath

Silber Serpent's Hand
Wogglebug The same.
Wogglebug Just leave them as they are. Maybe a bit more bookish.

Prometheus Labs is a team of displaced Axis, Soviet, and Eastern European scientists whom no country wanted to employF

"Don't talk about the dinosaurs - it'd be a shame if you got mauled by a lion when you get back to Texas"

BEHOLD THE END OF ALL THAT EVER WAS, IS, AND EVER WILL BE. I mean, uh, hi. Sorry, Lovecraftian Slip.

An article that explores anarchy and non-human sapience, conveying paranoia.

Tales

Ihpkmn's Talebox
Ihpkmn's Talebox 2: Because The First One Kept Getting Full
[[/tabview]]

Footnotes

1. Tricophagia and mucophagia are, respectively, compulsive disorders relating to the consumption of hair and nasal mucus.

2. A pathological fear of insects.

3. All listed episodes have been removed from circulation due to acting as a vector for SCP-3xxx.

4. John E. Douglas, b. 1945, was one of the first criminal profilers at the FBI.

5. The UNABOM task force was responsible for the investigation into bombings at American universities and airports carried out by Theodore Kaczynski between 1978 and 1995.

6. Dennis Rader, the "BTK Strangler", was a serial killer active from 1974 to 1991, named for his practice of "Blind, Torture, Kill".

7. Dennis Rader was eventually arrested following the discovery of metadata on a floppy disk he sent to police. He is currently serving 10 consecutive life sentences.

8. Colloquialism referring to the Unusual Incidents Unit's British equivalent, The British Occult Service, or MI666.

9. A muscle relaxant used in lethal injections in the United States.

10. Refers to Usher House, an Autonomous Extradimensional State with entrances in Baltimore, Maryland, Providence, Rhode Island, and Bangor, Maine, population 4,481. Possesses a large subculture of horror writers.

11. More commonly known as a canine tooth or fang.

12. Believed to be a modified version of an Earl Hays Press newspaper prop, which has appeared in hundreds of television programs since the 1960s.

13. A rogue FBI agent working for the antagonistic "Syndicate" organization

14. An image that appears to come from episode 10 of Season 5, "Chinga"

15. A sequence which changes from episode to episode, involving the character of Bart Simpson writing lines on a chalkboard during detention.

16. The protagonist from the television show Fringe

17. Dated video game slang meaning to 'kill', particularly with explosives, such as fragmentation grenades.

18. The 'trap' in question was a foam dart gun set up to fire when Dr. McDonnagh attempted to access their e-mail.

19. This was automatically unlocked by all Foundation personnel who signed up fro the AW Credit Program.

20. Earned by Dr. Alden following the funeral of his father.

21. This was unlocked by Dr. Elena Pregler, a para-pharmacologist who regularly uses lab mice in their tests. Dr. Pregler has shown no signs of intentional cruelty towards their lab animals.

22. This product does not exist; however, testing with SCP-261 produced an instance of this beverage approximately one week prior to this task becoming active, which was sent to Site-21 for testing.

23. Reward not actually from imbibing beverage, rather, from inputting a code found underneath the cap. Next earned SCP-3xxx-1 instance included several Mountain Dew-branded items.

24. Earned by accident when Dr. Marguerite Gibbons spilled boiling water on her husband when preparing dinner. Charles Gibbons suffered second degree burns on his hands and feet, but made a full recovery.

25. Believed to be stand for Relativistic Kill Vehicle, AKA kinetic bombardment weaponry. This technology has proven infeasible, both in construction and deployment, even with Foundation resources.

26. Due to the low germination rate of seeds from SCP-3xxx-1, this has proven impossible to complete at this time.

27. Name is shared with the online handle of an independent game creator, responsible for the creation of a popular horror game based off of the Holders Series creepypasta franchise. They have no knowledge of the Foundation's existence.

28. Site-21 does not store high-risk Keter-class objects, and as such, an on-site nuclear device has never been installed.

29. a verb-form that functions as a noun

30. Navajo creation mythology, literally "The Story of the People"

31. lit. "by means of it, [he or she] goes on all fours". The term refers to individuals from Navajo mythology capable of changing into animals, and usually do so to commit harmful acts.

32. As per Oliphant v. Suquamish Indian Tribe, a 1978 US Supreme Court case which ruled that peoples on Native American reservations do not have the inherent authority try and punish non-natives.

33. From 1982-1984, the Atari corporation held a contest related to the Swordquest series, with five prizes worth a total of $150,000 American; to win, players had to uncover hidden messages hidden in the games Swordquest: Earthworld, Fireworld, Waterworld, and Airworld. The prizes were a golden medallion, a chalice, a crown, and a piece of white jade in a gold case (dubbed a 'philosopher's stone' by marketing materials) were each valued at $25,000. The final prize, a sword with a gold hilt and silver blade, was valued at $50,000. The crown, stone, and sword were never awarded, due to Atari's financial troubles in the mid-1980s.

34. colloquially known as a 'yin-yang' symbol

35. Mr. Wright's wife.

36. A named shared with a test subject for the Peregrine I flight, a test of faster-than-light technology aiming to reach Neptune and return within a single day; contact with Peregrine I was lost on the return trip

37. A suspected center of Martian civilization; knowledge about this is known through several anomalies related to Mars.

38. A race appearing in Star Trek and a planet mentioned in Doctor Who, respectively

39. A paraphilia in which individuals are romantically or sexually attracted to non-humanoid machines, such as vehicles

40. Any automobile can be affected by SCP-XXXX, including cars, farm equipment, and, in one case, a bulldozer.

41. An NIU is exactly what it sounds like: a universe that is nearly identical to the one you are observing it from, save a minuscule change that has little effect on the universe's differences from the baseline. - Dr. Tyler Bailey, March 9th, 1992

42. "x" here is a letter of the Greek alphabet

43. A Gigameter is equivalent to one billion kilometers, or a trillion meters.

44. more commonly known as Alexander the Great

45. Antiquated term for "King"

46. Researchers with Clearance Level 04/001 may read the whole of this document in Document 001α-1909.

47. See file 001α-2217 for details

48. A "unit" in terms of Broken Church theology is believed to equate to approximately 6.3cm.

49. Tongva deity that governs dreams, hallucinations and visions

50. This is also the first known instance of a puzzle box existing, as modern puzzle boxes were first invented in Japan in the late 19th century.

51. more commonly known as Alexander the Great

52. Antiquated term for "King"

53. Researchers with Clearance Level 04/001 may read the whole of this document in Document 001α-1909.

54. The full journal, and all media and objects related to ████████ █████████ may be accessed by any individual with Clearance 3/001-2/1867.

55. Instances SCP-001θ-20 through θ-31 and θ-35 are all translated from Japanese.