JackIsTheEmperor's Collection Of SCPs/Tales (Oldest To Newest)

SCP (Failed) Beer Of Aid

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX must be kept at all times in a room of 5mx5mx5m of volume within Storage Site-147. It will not be removed from it's placing in the centre of a 50cmx50cm wooden table at any time unless instructed by Dr. Cook. No foundation personnel are to enter the 1m "lure" zone at any time (unless approved by O5 Command, see Addendum SCP-XXXX) and must wear eye protection in the form of dark sunglasses. Do Not insult SCP-XXXX. Affected D-Class personnel are to be designated as instances of SCP-XXXX-2 and must be terminated or tested on, 5 instances of living SCP-XXXX-2 must be kept for testing at all times and replaced at the end of the month, if killed in less than a month by "karma" level early replacement necessary. It claims it is an "eternal aid" for Humanity which should be taken account for by new researchers working with the item.

SCP-XXXX in containment

Description: SCP-XXXX is a sentient beer pint, It can talk at any time by unknown means at a maximum of 70 decibels and seems to have no strong emotion, negative nor positive but is very passive - aggressive in nature. When only a human (see Test-2) enters within 1m of SCP-XXXX they will instantly go into a state of aggression going towards SCP-XXXX and drinking the entire pint, after this they will enter four stages which results in bodily condition and appearance reverting back as if they are at the age of 18 but memories, attitude and knowledge shall not be affected negatively if made better. Biological damage/diseases and foreign objects harming the body shall be removed and affects of drugs and unhygienic lifestyles shall be reversed completely. (Effects of Prions and Fungus can not be healed but only delayed for a usually small amount of time example: 1 day-1 week) SCP-XXXX will decide how long the person shall live depending on their "karma" which is strictly determined by SCP-XXXX on their life choices which they have made, giving them up to 50 years to live down to instantaneous death. Every effect by SCP-XXXX will only work on those 18 or older, tests show that the liquid evaporates when first contact is made with liquid contents on minors. SCP-XXXX bears a British accent from early 20th century and colouration of wheat beer in it's liquid. How it acquires liquid is unknown and refuses to speak about the matter, when insulted it gains a negative view towards the person and if that person drinks from SCP-XXXX instant death will take place. It is a memetic and biological hazard such as it's lure and ability to kill SCP-XXXX-2 instances at any time. Two uses of SCP-XXXX causes Brain death and is obviously not recommended.

The Four Stage Process:

Stage 1: Lasts approximately 2 minutes. Liquid enters body and coats all organs, bones, muscles and the brain and seems to start seeping in them in an unknown manner. Early signs of nausea are stated by subject.

Stage 2: Lasts approximately 8 minutes. Effects of common cold disappear from subject and effects of long-term smoking or drug use at this point will appear gone from the skin and facial features such as eyes and the teeth, lungs clear up and expand/lose bad signs of rot. Decent amount of vomiting at this point due to effects on stomach.

Stage 3: Lasts approximately 10 minutes. Bones will start to seem more fresh and intact as well as possible height gain. Muscles show much healthier and stronger condition and may expand. Mental structure in the brain is more healthier and efficient, usually making the subject more intelligent.

Stage 4: Liquid evaporates and SCP-XXXX starts "recovery" of lost liquid. Depending on the persons "karma" they may live for another 50 years, or die instantly by major burning by unknown means.

This is indeed fascinating and shows the power of not just the liquid itself but what SCP-XXXX holds. I will just state that this may not always be the case and it could happen almost double the speed if subject is in their twenties at best with good physical and biological condition. - Dr. Cook.

Addendum SCP-XXXX: Foundation personnel will only be authorized by O5 Command to use SCP-2208 if personnel are over the exact age of 18 with life threatening Bacteria, Virus or parasites/injury with no human way of medical help they shall be taken to the containment cell of SCP-2208 if they so choose to do so, while wearing dark sunglasses they will drink the liquid contents of SCP-XXXX which will exterminate the specified disease and stop bleeding on a major scale. These people in some ways will be treated as instances of SCP-XXXX-2 and will stay and live in foundation protection until death. It is their choice. Die or stay away from public areas for the rest of their specified life depending on their karma.

Test Log 2208-1-7:

Test 1 - Subject: D-XXXX-1
Subject status: Male. Major history of smoking and heavy drinking. Major signs of Lung and Bladder cancer. Showers daily and has eaten a healthy, strict diet for a long time. 47 years of age.
Subject karma prediction: Murdered 5 innocent personnel at point blanc range with Gun. predicted Very Low.
Results: First three stages seemed to heal cancerous infections, revert appearance and main bodily health to that of an average, very healthy 18 year old. Stage 4=Instant Death as SCP-XXXX stated "killing one person for a foolish reason is not ok at all, but five for no reason is… is disgusting, be it that he rots for eternity." SUCCESS

Test 2 - Subject: 1 Very healthy and well looked after pig to the old age of 18.
Subject status: No major diseases infesting the body, minor internal damage and wear due to relatively old age.
Results: Liquid evaporates as soon as contact is made with mouth. SCP-XXXX stated "What? is this foundation even more foolish than I first noticed?! (Laughter)" FAILURE

Test 3 - Subject: 1 empty regular
Subject status: No marks or dents, not dirty in any way.
Results: Liquid evaporates on contact with glass. SCP-XXXX stated "Please Doctor, don't waste my precious aid to Humanity…" FAILURE

Test 4 - Subject/Subject status: N/A
Object: Flame torch - Foundation made.
Results: SCP-XXXX makes no sound as it's liquid contents and glass are evaporated/melted. When turned off, SCP-XXXX returned to it's original position by [REDACTED] It immediately said once back intact "This isn't funny nor laughable anymore, that was foolish and a highly unpleasant move. Stop these tests, you will never destroy the eternal aid!" FAILURE

Test 5 - Subject: D-XXXX-2
Subject status: Male. Very healthy with great standards of hygiene, diet and friendly personality. Taken by Foundation due to locating us by unknown means. Regular charity work and no criminal activity and record. Predicted karma = High. 28 years of age.
Result: Normal stages take place turning subject into normal instance of SCP-XXXX-2 being given 47 years to live by SCP-2208. Subject used for study and lives in cell with decent living conditions. SCP-2208 yet again stated his opinion on the event "I have aided this great Human, I hope his life is well and that the cruel SCP foundation let him free with great conditions." SUCCESS

Test 6 - Subject: D-XXXX-3
Subject status: Healthy lifestyle overall, male with decent muscle mass. Crime committed was [DATA EXPUNGED]. 17 years of age.
Results: Instantaneous evaporation of liquid contents when contact made with biological matter. SCP-XXXX made no comment on the matter. SUCCESS due to giving more knowledge on it's anomalous effects.

Test 7 - Subject: D-XXXX-4
Subject status: Infected with SCP-008, complex prion, male, karma believed to be quite low due to deadly crime made.
Results: SCP-008 effects delayed for 1 day only, subject terminated. SCP-XXXX seemed displeased about the event.

To elaborate, when emptied into/on a object that isn't an adult Human being, the liquid seems to evaporate at contact and begins it's recovery of liquid process, when smashed the pieces combine. It is indestructible so all termination requests are to be denied instantaneously, even melting this damn thing won't work so all in all we can't do it, so don't do it. Test with fungus is not included due to very similar results that took place with prion, same goes with test on Cow to Pig. - Dr.Cook.

Interview Log SCP-2208-A
SCP-XXXX: Interviewed

Dr. Cook: Interviewer

Foreword: Interview was made on ██/██/2015, 8 days after discovery and 1 day after discovery of speech and sentience.

<Begin Log,>

Dr. Cook: So, How are you feeling today?
SCP-XXXX: Relatively unhappy (sighs) knowing that I'm stuck here and my aid is shockingly contained, I request immediate release, but I determine my request denied…
Dr. Cook: Yes, it is. Today we are going to ask some questions about you, to you. My first question is why did you not speak for the first 7 days of containment here?
SCP-XXXX: Well, initially I hoped the foundation as you call it would not notice my sentience or major anomalous properties but it is too late now, why exactly is it that the foundation keeps me here?
Dr. Cook: We're asking the questions here. So your second question is your opinion on the foundation?
SCP-XXXX: Well it seems to be a Time bomb, prison, freak show (momentary pause) you get the idea, this place will not be safe forever and that one event will happen where a containment breach takes place and the warheads you have will not save, but just cause more destruction.
Dr. Cook: (Writes down information) It is to my prediction that you learnt some of this information by overhearing us?
SCP-XXXX: Why certainly Doctor.
Dr. Cook: Ok then, your next question is where you originate and who created you?
SCP-XXXX: …
Dr. Cook: Well fine then be that way, you'll only prolong your stay here, next question, what is your liquid made from and how does it regenerate?
SCP-XXXX: Please Doctor, I can't give too much information about myself and the eternal aid, I have my privacy limits.
Dr. Cook: Well, why do you call yourself the eternal "aid" in general but not a cure exactly, this surely isn't too personal I hope towards you?
SCP-XXXX: No, certainly not Doctor. I prolong Human life, preserve it, maintain it the best I can but death cannot be cured by me, this is the main thing Doctor.
Dr.Cook: Amazing, I will take good account of this information, but there are more questions to be-
SCP-XXXX: No, leave immediately. I have no interest in telling you any more information and don't bother attempting to ask for the time being, or ever for that matter.
<End Log,>

Closing Statement: SCP-XXXX stopped talking for the remainder of the day, we are very unsatisfied with how we can get information from this Beer glass and what this substance is exactly but experiments continue and all information gathered here is collected and noted down. Requests of introducing other sentient SCP's to SCP-XXXX are denied until further notice. Thank you. - Dr. Cook

NOTE SCP-XXXX has recently been discovered to be Sentient, for what it is it is highly anomalous, intelligent and is very unknown, Euclid containment procedures and classification deemed necessary. Keter classification deemed unnecessary and will currently be denied. - O5-█

SCP (Critique Me) Master Of The Columbidae

Image found in home of initial discovery of SCP-XXXX-1, ████████ ████, England, saved to the office desktop. This is SCP-XXXX-2, seemingly reading a copy of Mein Kampf.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: (SCP-XXXX-1) Safe
(SCP-XXXX-2) Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Site-XXXX is a Foundation building located in North Wales, this building confines SCP-XXXX-1, and any SCP-XXXX-3 instances if present. It is to contain all Level 4+ personnel who are assigned to research and monitoring of SCP-XXXX instances, and to help maintain the site itself.

SCP-XXXX-1 is to remain contained within a 280x404x378mm secure titanium safe, that is to remain within a 3m³ room with only one access point. SCP-XXXX-1 is not to be released, and key code is to remain in possession of the O5 council. Requests for access can only be made by Level 4/O5 personnel, and a full O5 vote is required.

SCP-XXXX-2 is uncontained at the current time. Due to the nature of SCP-XXXX-2, Mobile-Task-Force Epsilon-48 are each to be armed with electroshock weaponry, and maintain security of the inner and outer perimeters of the facility. On the occasion that SCP-XXXX-2 assaults Site-XXXX aggressively, personnel will be alerted, and should immediately locate the nearest elevate to the designated "Safe Zone", there are 2 5 8 elevators that access this underground location.

Description: SCP-XXXX is the collective designation for an object (-1), its related entity (-2) and human subjects under the influence of SCP-XXXX-1 (-3).

SCP-XXXX-1 is a tobacco pipe constructed from briar wood, without a brand. However, when smoked, despite the lack of substances inside will start to smoke rapidly from the chamber of the pipe, with the smell that has been compared to a cadaver in advanced stages of decomposition. Letters carved on the right side of the pipe spell "columbidae". The human subject who "smoked" SCP-XXXX-1 will from then on remain an instance of SCP-XXXX-3 until expiration. An SCP-XXXX-3 instance will descend into mental instability from the moment they use SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-3 instances are tortured and attract an entity with high-level reality bending capabilities, becoming obsessed with it. This entity is known as SCP-XXXX-2.

SCP-XXXX-2 manifests as a 8ft 1in/2m 46cm tall Caucasian male, wearing mostly dark clothing and a grey coat with two large outer pockets, and most notably a mask of a pigeon upon its head, with no brand indication found. SCP-XXXX-2 has an unknown limit to its capabilities. Superlative reality bending effects manifest within the site upon its presence inside. It can dissipate at random intervals, only to manifest elsewhere. It can kill humans with ease, in surreal methods. Personnel can simply melt into various formations, or engage in intense laughter, causing expiration. Sinking through surfaces, personnel transforming into Columbidae species (Sometimes hostile). Vivid and strong hallucinations, strobe lighting and Columbiphobia appearing in personnel. More effects have been noticed, fitting in with this surreal trend.

To show the specificity of some of its effects, an oil portrait of 05-11 became an oil portrait of SCP-XXXX-2 within an antique chair, smoking SCP-XXXX-1 and wearing a trench coat composed of pigeon feathers. Objects throughout the site have been known to transform into columbidae species, and personnel have been reported to remove their skin and clothing, only to reveal SCP-XXXX-2. This proves SCP-XXXX-2's effects are surreal, with little restraint on what it can possibly muster, this unpredictability means containment proves an impossible measure, and the danger of SCP-XXXX as a whole collective.

SCP-XXXX-2 will try to torture SCP-XXXX-3 instances through various methods, often damaging to the site and personnel. SCP-XXXX-3 instances will report constant voices inside their head, and that the "Master Of The Columbidae will spare us no mercy". When asked about who said "Master Of The Columbidae" is, vague and esoteric, and seemingly nonsensical descriptions such as the "Master", the "Father Of Them", and the "Wielder Of Fear, Backed By Power Itself" are brought up. It has been presumed that SCP-XXXX-2 is this described entity. When SCP-XXXX-2 is seen by SCP-XXXX-3, the instance of SCP-XXXX-3 will usually enter a state of paralysis, and will exclaim how "The One, himself, stay away!" and mumble unintelligible words in unknown languages.

The territory that Site-XXXX is located on and around is high-ground, with dense forest spread across the entire region. SCP-XXXX-2 mostly keeps itself hidden in this forest, being known to move further than 25km from the site itself. Strange anomalies have been found throughout this entire area. There has been an increase in Eurasian collared dove (Streptopelia decaocto) and Common wood pigeon (Columba palumbus) populations in the aforementioned forest area since the finalization of the construction of Site-XXXX and placement of SCP-XXXX-1 inside, dating 27/2/1995.

There have been various plant-like forms emerging from the ground of this forest, composed of Columbidae feathers, and unexplainable sound emerging from the forest. Upon entry into the forest, the subject will, after a period of time ranging from 10 minutes to an hour, become victim of SCP-XXXX-2, usually expiring through SCP-XXXX-2's ability to "pull" any Columbidae species from its two frontal coat pockets, usually proving to be dangerous, and even at times explosive, and possessing anomalous abilities in general. Some personnel are too, victims, but not of death, but of various mental disorders, including a sexual fetish of Columbidae species quickly developing, usually ending in self termination of the subject. For the reasons present, the forest is a hazard. SCP-XXXX-2 has prevented deforestation due to aggression. When a human subject is further than 25km, they are in safety, and anomalous effects will cease at this line.

Interviewed: D-59723 (SCP-XXXX-3)

Interviewer: Dr. ████

Foreword: The following interview was conducted between Dr. ████ and an instance of SCP-XXXX-3, D-59723. Conduction of the interview was taken place in a secure room within the west wing of Site-XXXX.

<Begin Log, 17/11/2001>

Dr. ████: Very well, can you describe your experience when first smoking SCP-XXXX-1?

D-59723: Jesus, man… It was heaven, nothin' like it. (breathes rapidly) Just thinkin' about the feeling… It, it is indescribable. Damn though, I have been made (5 second pause) to, to… To regret it.

Dr. ████: So, you claim that it was a pleasurable experience… Can you please explain what you gradually experienced after using SCP-XXXX-1?

D-59723: (Pause) The Master… He talked, he, he talked to me, man! About, pigeons? Why all the goddamn pigeons! Everywhere I go, they look at me… He looks at me! He knows about the foundation, he knows they want him in a cage… Anxiety, pain, pain and anxiety! I am stalked by it, everything liquid I touch solidifies, every solid I touch melts. What the fuck is going on? I can't help that… pigeon anatomy is not a speciality of mine! Ah! The voice, the… eyes?!

Dr. ████: Calm down! It is obvious that SCP-XXXX-2 has a strong influence over you… Interesting. Please though, continue.

D-59723: I… I… I keep on hearing pigeon noises, y'know? Like, cooing and flying. God, there it is… It always is in my head… And… it gets louder and louder, and I cannot stop it! What the hell is this? He is tormenting me… It is unbearable. Save me… save me from the noise! Save me from the nightmare he created for me!

Dr. ████: Simmer down, you will be ok, just resist as long as possible. We will keep you safe from SCP-XXXX-2.

D-59723: Ok? Ok?! You think he will stop? He is everywhere… On every monitor… In every room… And it is only when he is in you yourself, when the danger is true… The Master oppresses and destroys, and most disturbingly, deceives… Fucking hell, for all I know, you could be the one himself! That would really make my damn day…

Dr. ████: Now that would be a laugh, wouldn't it?

Dr. ████ proceeds to slowly bring his arm up to his face, and peels of his skin and clothes, only to reveal SCP-XXXX-2. On the monitors in the room, videos of SCP-XXXX-2 stroking the decapitated head of 05-3, while distorted noise of Columbidae species and unknown classical music is playing from an unknown source at 100db.

D-59723: No… No!

At this point, the room begins to crumble and break, shortly before the recording equipment fails. Log terminated.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Upon immediate entry of security, the room appears to be in it's previous state, before the interview. The room was void of both Dr. ████ and D-59723, and body parts of both were found scattered through the surrounding forest. There was writing on the walls however, reading, "The Master Was Here", "Pigeon Meat" and "My Pigeons Are Going To Molest You". Also the closet inside the room was found full of feathers from a Nicobar pigeon (Caloenas nicobarica). Interviews with SCP-XXXX-3 instances are no longer permitted due to risk of possible damage to personnel and structure.

DOCUMENT SCP-XXXX-4 O5 ACCESS ONLY

UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS WILL RESULT IN SECURITY DISPATCH TO TRESPASSERS LOCATION

+ Document SCP-XXXX-4

Item #: SCP-XXXX-4

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All possible access points to SCP-XXXX-4 are under Foundation security and regulation. Further expeditions within SCP-XXXX-4 are pending. Staff with Level 4/O5 clearance can make requests, but a two-thirds vote from the O5 Council is required for the expedition to be executed. Only D-Class Personnel are allowed to traverse SCP-XXXX-4, for the intent of maintaining safety of security personnel.

Description: SCP-XXXX-4 is a large cave system, spanning underneath the forest area surrounding Site-XXXX. The system possesses three main entrances, SCP-XXXX-4-A,B and C.

The cave system itself can be navigated with relative ease. And it is quite flat with good space. However, the anomalous effects of the system as a whole makes it unbearable to navigate within the realms of reality.