Title of the Song (Naive Declaration of Love)

Conversation Piece

Hello, is this thing on? There's really no chance of a do-over is there? I mean, one could argue you've got the wrong guy anyway. My roommate was the one who had boll weevils coming out his ears, not me.

How should I know how they got there? I was asleep. No, I was not dreaming of boll weevils. I didn't even know what they were until you told me.

No, I have nothing against ██████! He's a good guy and always pitches in on pizza. Hardly ever gives me grief. Plus his girlfriend is absolutely, amazingly gorgeous. She comes over all the time and jokes around with me. Calls me goof and whatnot. Makes sure I notice when she kisses ██████ particularly hard. Why would I want to do anything to him?

Yes, I did research in ████████████'s chemistry labs. So did the other 100+ chemistry majors. Are they all here as well?

Yeah yeah, "they all didn't have boll weevil-spouting roommates." Lucky me. So what do you want?

First off, I'm not down for any of the tests you want to run. I do the testing, not the other way around. Secondly, I did not do anything to ██████ or █████████.

What do you mean? Yes you did. You mentioned █████████ first, as a matter of fact.

I don't care, OK? I'm not cooperating and you'd better let me go.

FINE! Then I WILL sit here and wait it ou—hey, is that a boll weevil in your ear?

Diet Tab

Mic Check Ha ha Ha ha

Interviewed: [The person, persons, or SCP being interviewed]

Interviewer: [Interviewer, can be blocked out using █]

Foreword: [Small passage describing the interview]

<Begin Log, [optional time info]>

Interviewer: [speech]

Person: [speech]

[Repeat as necessary]

<End Log, [optional time info]>

Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]

SCP-2199

SCP-2199 in original showcase at ██████ College.1

Item #: SCP-2199

Object Class: Euclid Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2199 is held in a clear plexiglass display case 1.5m x 1.5m x 1.5m in room ███ at Site-██. The vault has been designed to replicate the classroom where SCP-2199 was first discovered at ██████ College on ██/██/19██. Prior to current containment procedure, SCP-2199-1 through SCP-2199-3 manifestations occurred at a rate of six per day. Under current containment procedures, manifestations have maintained at zero per day.

Description: SCP-2199 is a man-made cylindrical sculpture comprised of brass and steel, weighing 15.3kg. Most of the steel portions feature a random pattern that has been etched and buffed to be smooth to the touch. Key components of SCP-2199 are:

• Viewing window containing two green-tinted glass tubes.
• Brass handle with the message "Rotate Clockwise Only" etched in the base.
• Payment recepticle, originally thought to be an eye piece [See Incident Report 2199 A].
• Cone-shaped power source. Wires attached to power source are 7 inches long and have been cleanly cut at the far end. Wires at far end were not attached to anything upon initial recovery.

SCP-2199-1 is a Caucasian female, aged 23, approximately 2.3m tall. No weight can be estimated, as subject cannot be physically interacted with. SCP-2199-1 refers to herself as ██████ ████████████. University records show that ██████ was a registered student who was reported missing by her roommate three days before SCIP-2199 was discovered. During SCP manifestation events, ██████ will appear holding a hand-made paper megaphone and refer to herself as the Manic Yardbarker. She will do anything she can to entice people in the room to use SCP-2199.

SCP-2199-2 is male. Ethnicity, age, and height varies with each manifestation. SCP-2199-1 refers to himself as Bob no matter his physical appearance.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

Footnotes

1. https://www.flickr.com/photos/shoppeolina/
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/