1)Money that self-replicates (cliché)
2) A plastic bag that has a constant volume of air in it (why even.)
3) Perfume that, when worn, makes you smell as though you're not wearing perfume (what's wrong with my mind today.)
4) Alcohol that, after being drank (drunk?), permanently inhibits your ability to balance. (Booooring. And probably cliché, too.)
User Note 1: Gods, I love antimemes.
5) An SCP that causes anything written about it to be inherently terrible. (Snickering. This has definitely been done, it's too obvious for it to be original. Probably got deleted due to lack of effort.)
User Note 2: Whoopdee dew, I'm stoock fer idea-rs.
6) I think that the article about the typewriter that 1) compels those using it to write to write a story until it is completed and 2) writes stories that are so gripping that outside viewers of the story constantly bug the writer of the story to continue writing it, though it should be noted that there can be multiple authors to one story without any shift in tone, literacy, or entertainment value. I mean, that's kinda interesting, yeah? But it just doesn't really fit me, you know?
7) ThE CAt kiNgDomS of SLOvAkInAiya anD How THEy WRongeD me, THeir CouRT MagiCian bEcausE I'm A PACifIst anD woN'T KiLl pEopLE for THem wiTH my OP MAGICAL PowErS 9001+
User Note 3: Omfffffgggggggggggg why is everyone so inventive & creative & I'm just stuck here drawing furries. Teim 4 crai.
8) A MUPPET THAT SUCKS YOU INTO ITS BUTTHOLE AND REMAINS ANIMATED WITH YOUR SOUL FOR THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.
User Note 4: ^ What the hell is wrong with me.
9) A grandmother who will noT StoP BAkING cOOKIES. Even when impedimented by:
- Physical barriers
- Agents telling her that they're not hungry
- The destruction of all ovens within a 100 km radius
- The removal of all baking supplies within a 10 km radius
- The removal of her arms
- Death
10) The word 'impedimented' & how it's not a real word but people use it cos it make dem lo0k teh smartz. Oh, irregardless, too.
11) An SCP based around how languages change? That'd take some work & I'm sure that it's been taken already & by someone who can write far better than me.
12) Scissors that function as normal scissors except for when intentionally used to cut things that scissors shouldn't cut. Like bone. Then they turn iNt0 MAsSive DemOn doGS WHiCH bREATHe stEEl Bl4Des At you!!111
13) A snippet of code that, when written, slowly optimizes & reduces itself, eventually completely deleting itself despite anything written inside of it still being functional & running.
Actually, if I took some time to develop this, I find that idea to be really intriguing. I'd have to specify that this is a 'previously undiscovered loop, a subtype of the 'for-loop,' which slowly optimizes itself.' or something like that. I mean, those are the only things that would run continuously & contain code that was activated each time it ran.
User Note 5: Actually, I quite like this idea.
Do I have the expertise to write it? NOPE.
FuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUuuUUuuuu
14) Sunglasses that, when you put them on, make everyone like you. BEcAUse THat'S Orig1NAl, I'M SURe. (I'm actually, if you couldn't pick up on the sarcasm, completely, 100%, sure that that is not original; I believe that I read an article about a hat that raises your charisma to an incredibly high degree just awhile ago. Or is that from SAO Abridged?)
15) The website of an alternate universe's news site. (WRESDHJU That's so stupid; that's been done, like, three times. Albeit slightly differently.)
User Note 6: Maybe I'd be better with tales? Tails… snails… pails… activation fails… Holy Grails… my-type-of-reality-bending, mentally-challenged, pragmatic hay-bales.
User Died 1: Snibblety bogus biscuits and everything covered in buttery goodness.
Problem: I can think of nothing that I consider interesting enough to write about. I do like the idea of a joke SCP with the grandmother (though I believe that that has been done before?) and I do also like the idea of the SCP that is just a special loop that optimizes itself to, like, one or two characters (because making it disappear completely is weird.)
Solution: ???
Solooshun: iF coLLapSE enTire UNiViRs Into SInguLariTy, NOthINg MAtTer anYMore.
SULUchOn: AM smOl ToddLEr, WilL wRiTE güd Art1cLE SOme DAy.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: KeTEr BecaUse SHe CAn'T BE ConTaINed. OH nOEs.
Special Containment Procedures: EaT tEH CooKIes
Description: Is olD lAdy wiTH gReying HaiR. RegEneR8S all DAmage DOnE to HEr BOOdy. MakES gud CooKIes. GeTs upSet WheN NoT eat cO0Kies. Once trIed tO FOrce AgenT Luckybassturd to EAt CooKIes, CiTIng thAT hE'S toO sKiNNy anD nEedS a GranDMoTHer'S LOve.
BAKES COOKIES NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. HaS beEn KiLled at LeaSt 57 TimeS, 54 Of whIch werE DuE to FounDatioN acTiviTY, EiTHEr diRectly oR inDIrectly. BOdy Was SeEn to DisSOlve iNto the GRound & sHortly RE-AppEar in the NEarest KitCHen (as PercEIved by NearBY HuMANS). ALl AtteMPts to PHySICallY stop SCP-XXXWhatEVerX hAVe been MET with FAilURE, AS SCP-XXXcookiesX HAS alWAys MAnaGEd to gET arouND, aVoiD, diSAble, OR oTHerwisE eSCape COntainmenT and IMPeDiment.
IS OthERwISE CorDiAL to STaff MEmbers.
COoks CoKoKokokoEOIes At LEAst twiCE a Day, USuaLLy correSponDIng tO LunCH timE and DInner tIME. SomEtimES, wiLl BAke CooKiKIKIes WhEN pResenTEd wiTH a HUngry PeRSon, THe LikELihood HOF thIS seEMS to Rise PRoPOrtionALly WITH thE Hunger OF the IndIVidual. THE gRaNDMoTHEr SCP will OfTEN TeLEpoRT to ThoSE in A RAnge oF 500 MEtERs if THey are SuFFicienTLy HungRy, TakE them By THE ear (Or LapeL if ThEy haven't aT lEAst One EAr) (oR WhATever ELse if THey've NOt A LApel EiTHer), And TaKE theM, ViA InsTAnt TElEPortATion, TO the NEarEST SAfe KitCHen, As PERceived BY huMAns. The SCP WiLL theN BegIN to BAKe COOKies fOr the personnEL. THe SUBjECT in QuESTion CanNOt lEAve SCP-XXXX's ViCInity UnlESs a PREssiNg mattER (As DETermiNEd by SCP-XXXGRANDMOTHERLOVESYOUsoMuchJOHnnyX's JudgMEnt) PreSEnts ITself & WiLL DiREctlY aFfect THE Subject.
SubJECts WHo ESCapE In THIs MAnner Are toLD to 'retuRN soon, DeariE. YOuR COOkieS May GET ColD.'
NO DiREct PHysiCAL haRM to SUbjEcts of SCP-XXXCocOAPoWDerX MaY OcCur, As SCP-XXXEaTX ShOWs pRoPorTIOnaTELy IncREAsed PHySICal REflEXes WHen ItS SubJEct iS conFRonTEd By somETHing thAT maY HArm IT. OF nOTe is When FOunDAtiON AgenTS aTtEmpTed TO Shoot D-2158717842786y42367923617906571309674890wrugs8fxcCOOKIES219858437y AfTer he BreaCHed ContainMENT duE to SCP-XXXProtectCOOkIESX. SCP-XXXX WaS shOWn tO MovE In ExCess oF 1515 KM PeR hoUR in ORder TO Stop BuLLEts FRom HittING D-5531, WiTH bULlEts EmbEddiNG themSElves iN her aRms, FOR the MOst Part, INstead. BuLLets WeRE then EXtrUDed & SCP-XXXX reSUmed MiXIng her INgreDIenTS, hUmmIng ChEErfULLy, OnCE foUNdaTion Agents wEre tolD To staNd Down.
SCP-XXXF33DEVERYONEX haS beeN ReCOrded TeLEporTINg to OThER SCpS and BaKING CoOkiES for THem whEn TheY Are HUnGRY. THiS has INVariaBLy LEd TO the CONtaiNMent BReach of THe SCP, due TO oBvious ReAsONs. OF NOte Is THE Time THis CAused a BIG-BAD To HAPPen and ALmosT EveryONe dIEd beCAuse SCP-682 EscAPED coNFinement OR sOMe SHit LikE THat HAppeNED.
Addendum: GRANDMA LOVES YOU.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Due to SCP-XXXX’s inherent nature, conventional containment is impossible. Persons found to be using SCP-XXXX without authorization from at least one level-4 researcher or designated site-technician are to be administered class A-amnestics. Repeat violations may be cause for termination.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a previously undiscovered programming loop comprised of a long string of random characters. SCP-XXXX follows the grammar of the programming language that it is written in. As SCP-XXXX runs, it invariably optimizes any code that is contained within its loop, regardless of programming language. The effects of this optimization are exponential, but eventually reach a peak-optimization level near the 700th iteration. Depending on the complexity of the original code held in SCP-XXXX, this peak-optimization level may occur anywhere between the 650th and 721st iteration of SCP-XXXX. At this point, most code is held within only a few characters, though all code functionality is kept.
The original code was acquired from Hailey’s Hacking Hub, a small website which sold ‘the highest-quality code that you have ever read.’ The URL adress, -----.net has since been decommissioned and censored. Foundaition agents traced the server’s location to -------, Hawaii. Upon arrival at the address, they found an uninhabited, well-kept, two-story house with a ‘For Sale’ sign in front of it. Nearby residents stated that the house had been up for sale for the past ‘two to three months.’
Upon investigating the interior of the house, Foundation agents found a hidden basement in the pantry of the kitchen. Estimates placed the dimensions to be between three and four meters, square. No evidence of human habitation was found.
At this time, the search for the developers of SCP-XXXX is considered to be on indefinite hold.
Possible use of this code to optimize the Foundation’s computer programs is under consideration.
Addendum:
After some testing, it was ascertained that any remaining bytes or bits of data are caused by the characters of the program more than the program itself.
As the long-term effects of SCP-XXXX on computer systems and computer programs is unknown, SCP-XXXX is not to be used on Foundation computers. — O5-4
Sample of SCP-XXXX iterations:
Base code: [SCP-XXXX omitted](running) {
long now = System.nanoTime();
deltaT += (now - previousTime)/ns;
previousTime = now;
while(deltaT >= 1) {
tick();
deltaT—;
}
if (running)
render();
frames++;
if(System.currentTimeMillis() - timer > 1000) {
timer += 1000;
System.out.println("FPS: " + frames);
frames = 0;
}
}
50th iteration: [SCP-XXXX omitted](running) {
ln = System.nanoTime();
dt += (n - pt)/ns;
pt = n;
while(dt >= 1) {
tick();
dt—;
}
if (running)
render();
f++;
if(System.currentTimeMillis() - t > 1000) {
t += 1000;
System.out.println("FPS: " + f);
f = 0;
}
}
Alteration to basic syntax of the program is not seen yet, but all variables have been reduced to either single- or double-character names.
230th iteration: [SCP-XXXX omitted](runs) {
l = Sys.nanoTime();
d += (n - p)/ns;
p = n;
w(d >= 1) {
tick();
d—;
}
?(runs)
~();
f^;
?(Sys.CTM() - t > 1000) {
t += 1000;
Sys.o.pn("FPS: " + f);
f = 0;
}
}
Alteration of complex syntax of the program is seen; the program is now unrunnable as a traditional Java program. Of note is that there is still no optimization effect, only a reductionist effect in the text of the program. The actual size of the program remains a constant 441 bytes.
515th iteration: [SCP-XXXX omitted](1) {
l = Time();
(fun(d));
p = n;
1(1.>) {
1001
}
?(1)
~
f^;
?(Time.1() fun(t)) {
~+();
RE;
}
}
Complete alteration of the program is under effect. Optimization has begun. The program is now 216 bytes. Of note is that, despite certain lines (or groups of lines) being reduced to only one character, the program functions as expected.
515th iteration: [SCP-XXXX omitted](1)
H
1(1.>) _ B
?(1)
~
f^;
?N
A
Complete loss of all non-SCP-XXXX terminology is almost complete. Program size is now 33 bytes.
651tst iteration: [SCP-XXXX omitted]
SR
Program size is now 2.5 bytes. No further changes to the code were observed, even after 4,562 iterations.
THINGS TO DO: Make that description better! Think about it in the morning. How about when the code is written & read? Does it optimize itself in the brain? That'd be super cool! Imagine that the viewer slowly begins to read it in more and more simple terms, but the information is actually all still there, until it becomes extremely compressed after the, like, 700th reading? And outside viewers read the entire thing as it was originally 'cause it's just a memetic effect. :O
Do not edit other writers' sandboxes without permission.
