Jiangshis Ring

« magnus-hub,,

Magnus stood with his shoulder braced up against the door, his heavy boot sliding back as the pounding got louder. "For fuck's sake, what the shit?! Throw me a goddamned weapon, Kirby!" The heavyset author reached for the crossbar to the door, but was pushed back another six inches.

"I…err…okay, here!" Captain Kirby stood in the corner, picking through several weapons, deciding on a quarterstaff. He tossed DrMagnus a heavy steel mace, the metal clanking on the stone parapet.

"I…are you fucking kidding me?! I'm a master goddamned swordsman and you throw me a mace?!" Magnus leaned down, and scooped up the heavy weapon, spinning it once in his hand. He yelled, and brought it down with a loud crack on the hand of one of the pale green facebj-orcs reaching through the door frame. "Back you goddamned nerds!"

The door slammed shut as the crossbar rammed home. "Jesus fuck. What did we do to deserve this exactly?" He rushed out the back door, his tall and heavy frame taking up most of the ancient doorframe. "Come the fuck on, Kirby. Where are the rest of the staff?"

Captain Kirby looked back at the buckling door, held fast for now by the crossbar. "I don't know, aren't you staff, man?"

"Yes, but I'm not a disc staff. I can't ban these fucks. So, we need to find the rest of the senior staff." Magnus lead Captain Kirby up to the top of the parapet, sparing a quick glance down the machiculation to gaze at the invading facebj-orc hordes.

Standing around a table at the top of the tower were the members of staff that had survived so far. He spotted Zyn, AbsentmindedNihilist, and Tuomey standing around the table. Regular users sat around the edges of the parapet looking out over the edges at the hordes below.

Tuomey gave him a grim look, "Magnus, what the actual fuck is happening?"

"As far as I can tell, facebook and tumblr fans teamed up and caught some kind of weird fan-fever. Now the facebj-orcs and the tumbl-orcs have overrun the IO staff. I think weryllium went out there a while ago, but all I hear now is a bunch of screeching. You know as much as I do. Where are the other admins, Zyn?"

Zyn worried at her lip, one of the massive betafish flanking her in their personal water bubbles swimming in circles. "I'm not sure. Dex was supposed to be dealing with the facebook group but—"

From across the field a voice rang out, "Magnus, we know you're in there! Stand up!"

Magnus narrowed his eyes, turning to the edge of the wall, and hopping up on the low stone berm, "Who the fuck is calling for me, I swear to god, PF will be ready when it's—"

From atop an oversized ankylosaurus, the unmistakable form of Weryllium, the pedant-tyrant sat. "Magnus! Give it up, we're going to break in to Castle Wiki eventually! You can't hold back the Social Mediahorde forever!" Beside the snorting reptile, two baleful figures could be seen.

"Fuck, Weryllium, what the actual fuck? Dex, Sly, He got to you too?!" Magnus gritted his teeth seeing the admin and the operational staff member standing beside the forces of evil. "So it's finally come to this?! The fandom assaults our ivory towers of Castle Wiki?"

Weryllium spread his hands, grinning ear to ear. "Join us magnus! We'd embrace you with open arms!" He leaned over and gestured. "If you don't, I'll be forced to use…MY CATAPAULTS!" Over the distant hill rumbled in the heavily laden wooden and rope siege engines. The tumbl-urukhai loaded one of their own in to the basket, and inched it in to range.

Magnus rolled his eyes, "You know, you'd have better success with a Trebuchet! They were capable of flinging 90-kilogram stones more than 300 meters! You could have hit me from over the hill!"

A flash glinted off the glasses of the familiar figure standing beside the catapault. Taylor lifted his hand to the lever, a grin spreading over his face. "Your memes mean nothing in the face of our unstoppable assault!" He pulled the lever, as the catapault kicked, sending the screaming tumbl-urukhai directly towards where he was standing.

Silence reigned over the battlefield as the pale green figure streaked through the sky, its voice tinny and barely intelligeible. As it got closer, Magnus could make out the words that were coming from its foaming mouth, "and what if we put 682 and able together and we made the foundation real and it was the best ever and I think I SHOULD BE PF MANAGEMENT AND—"

Magnus turned a half step, and brought the mace crushing down on the tumbl-urukhai's back, snapping its spine, and shutting it the hell up. "Fucking hell, that was annoying." He reached down, collecting the dead fan's longsword from his hip, discarding the mace, and shooting Kirby a dirty look.

Tuomey walked over, and bonked the tumbl-urukhai on the head with a juggling pin, "Fucking banned." The rabid fan poof'd in to a cloud of smoke, dissapearing from Castle Wiki in a puff of permabanning. "Fucking fans sometimes, right? Gobshites."

"Alright, weryllium. You want a fight?" Magnus drew the sword, testing its balance. "Let's have a fucking fite. Staff, and loyal skippers? WITH ME!" He swept the sword forward, dropping from the parapet down to the rampart, and striding confidently out towards the field of fans.

Taking up step with him was Tuomey, juggling fiery pins, as they walked towards the charging hordes. "So what exactly are we going to do?"

"Ban them as soon as they cross on to the grounds. Zyn, can you hold the eastern bailey against the forum incursion?" Magnus looked up at the admin, floating on butterfly wings.

She nodded, and a half dozen other skippers floated up with her, "Butterfly squad on me! To the bailey-backlog!" The junior staff let out a triumphant roar, and sped off, dropping crit left and right on happless coldposting fans.

"Her and the JS will need some help. I think we can spare 'Niles, and deputize Bee for the time being."

Tuomey grimaced, and shook his head. "Fuck all this shit, I'm too tired to deal with this fucking bullshit, and I can't even…" His voice trailed off as he started hurling pins across the field. As each one struck a facebj-orc or tumbl-urukhai the sound of a bonk followed by a bored voice calling out 'Banned' could be heard.