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Sending objects to Hell.
Item #: HHH-0201
Object Purpose: Chastening
Operating Procedures:
If you are reading this, then you have been asked to thrust someone (or something) down to hell. Don't worry! I'm sure you're nervous. Many universes go centuries without sending anyone to hell. You may not have even known this was possible. This is a big change for you! But don't worry, we all believe in you.
If you haven't already, pray in earnest to the Ordained (HHH-001) that the entity will be contained. Do not worry if some have died while attempting containment; all who give their lives will be shepherded to Heaven, and only the most pure and righteous can find this text, so congratulations on that! Once your prayer has begun, the entity in question will be rendered entirely powerless.
Make sure that the entity in question is put on trial. That's not your job, so you can rest easy on the details, but be assured that half of the council of twelve will be assigned to the entity's defense to ensure that it is fairly condemned or released. When you are ready, you may activate HHH-0201 by requesting access from His Holiness. You will be granted a rare privilege: to see the HHH-0201 itself! Please be respectful and observant during this time, so that others may hear your words and also believe.
Once HHH-0201 is visible, locate a convenient Hell near the roots. The ones that have gone longest without receiving a new entity will rise near the top. Once you have selected the appropriate Hell, point to the entity that is to be condemned, and speak these words:
"I condemn you to [the name of the Hell you have chosen]. Leave now!"
Certain infractions bring heavier penalties. You may consider adding additional penalties as demonstrated in the following examples:
Do not depart from HHH-0201 until HHH-0201-A has confirmed passage of the entity and HHH-0201-B has confirmed that monitoring has commenced.
You may receive communications from the devils in the Hell that you have opened, specifically their Adversary or their council of devils. All such communications can be passed on to HHH-0201-B and then safely ignored.
Description:
HHH-0201 is the Tree of Life. It is the collection of all possible universes, presided over by our gracious Sovereign. When presented to our view, limited as we are, we see only a portion of it, which appears like a beautiful true bearing wondrous, glowing fruit.
Less than 0.01% of the fruit of the Tree are rotten, severed from the Tree of Life and decaying around its roots. Don't worry! This helps the Tree grow better itself.
HHH-0201-A refers to the Angel who stands between each Hell and the Tree of Life, wielding a drawn fiery sword. Fortunately for you, he exists in each Hell simultaneously as well as in our worlds, so it makes communication simple! He keeps any condemned entities from leaving Hell, and lets us know when one of the Hells has ended.
HHH-0201-B refers to our failproof monitoring system, fashioned by our Creator in the image of the humble starfish. It serves to keep most devils and other denizens of Hell unaware of the larger multiverse in order to reduce their suffering. It quickly finds and scrubs any knowledge of Heaven out of the minds of the Hellbound, ensuring that no one even dreams of coming back (except, of course, for those who have received an Injunction of Memory).
