Reminder: do not
This is where the magic could happen
"Crap I'm working on" -author circa 2018
- suck my dick bitch
- give me one reason why i should finish this
- Crit for Dog
- waterfall of honey
- ideeen
- SCP-ohno (it's a guy but no redaction or oh no)
- Untitled SCP Draft
- SCP Draft: Pizza Thing
- Tale (I have no idea what this was supposed to be about)
Item #: SCP-4123
Object Class:
Special Containment Procedures: A Panama-class memetic agent is currently in the process of being designed to suppress memories related to SCP-4123. This countermeme will apparently be retroactively caused to be delivered to all future users of SCP-4123 that are not Foundation-aligned. Side effects of this yet to be designated meme are expected to include
Personnel assigned to the SCP-4123
Description: SCP-4123 is an online delivery service under the URL
Discovery: SCP-4123 was discovered on
88888
1 four slender long planes fly into the city, their cockpits crooked like a spastic snake frozen in time. Three Porsches follow. In your head, Porsche has only one syllable. And all the while you run. The third Porsche hits you.
2 you stare at the documentation of the thing that killed you or something. You feel dead inside but it's two AM. You wouldn't know sleep from death if it bothered you for a nickel.
The document knows it's you. It flashes yellow-beige divs at you even after you remember to turn on your VPN. Shit. They don't bother asking you if it really is you, immediately jumping into questions that should be open but usually have only two selectable options.
3
4
5:00 on a counter in the top right corner. The seconds aren't a second long. You walk through a gigantic underground facility where the rooms know who you are. They need to know why you left and thus they ask you questions. What does your family think happened to you? Died of gastrointestinal cancer.
What Site did you work at? No idea.
What's your name? Bad time to ask. Really bad. What a dumb room.
What is the answer to this ridiculously difficult maths problem? You know this one. You're good at a few things but most of all you're specialised in sequence theory. The answer simply comes to you. You hardly think about what you type as it flows into the answer box.
Dvsotnxobcsfjokjcdsqweryijjlpkbvvghbbkl;
That's not right. It felt right but you look at what you wrote and don't really know what to make of it. You try again. Every key you hit maps to the wrong symbol. It's like the keyboard is working against you, even though it's your fault for hitting all the wrong letters.
As the timer hits 0:06 you 88888 <— This is bad. This is REALLY bad. Jesus fucking 88888 you leave the room before you're back where you started. 88888. Every quintuplet is accompanied by five harsh but soft but penetrating wet sounds that 88888. You run down the stairs to the next level. You're suddenly but not unexpectedly accompanied by a friend whose name you don't remember. He looks more concerned than panicked, but runs with you nonetheless. All your thoughts turn into 88888, the fast five-beat squelching echoing slightly in the old metal halls. Radians per second you run down twisting staircases of 601. You reach level seven.
7 is made of house. Home. No numbers. Fuck numbers. This is a floor of a house. It's late. You forgot your colleague was even there. He looks panicked as well now. He tries to communicate to you how he almost died, but no words come out. You vaguely understand how he feels, however. You look back up the stairs you came from, but take care to defocus your eyes off the numbers. As expected, it's essentially blocked.
Unstoppable grid
can be deleted.
The anafabula can:
tick tick tick tick tick.
See, there's no numbers,
nor is there a grid.
Are you busy?
Not really works pretty slow right now
Huh. Wait, don't you get off at 6?
I’m working overtime tonight I get off around 9ish
Oh.
Whyd you wanna know?
I found some old books in the attic, and I think they belonged to my mom.
Damn. Do you wanna talk about it?
Kinda, I’d rather talk about it in person.
That's okay I guess
I just don’t feel like spamming your phone with my thoughts.
Oh. I’m off all day tomorrow if you still want to talk
That would be great, Thanks Jordan!
No p
NitPicksTM
Quote at beginning isn't distinguished from rest of article; probably just a quote block is fine, or centering it.
no uppercase after semicolon
inconsistent use of quotation marks; double or single when denoting a label on a box or pile
It was a little too small for me to wear it anymore.
^has "it" twice
I opened it to find Chris and usual cheerful smile.
word
Not be a Debbie Downer
to
“Not be a Debbie Downer, but isn’t the journal all we have to go off? I mean, where else would we look?”
who says this?
I stood up and walked toward the door, turning to wait for Jordan and Chris. Jordan walked up beside me, and Chris followed, pizza box in hand. We walked out the door and toward Jordan's old pickup.
The words "walked" and "door" are used a little too much imo
Line breaks between dialogue lines by different people
Vague Shit:
When establishing a pattern, it is often good to switch things up. Remember that I told you that I really liked this paragraph:
The next few boxes were full of clothes from the 80s and 90s. There was a box of collectible mugs from every state. A box full of calendars. Another filled with postcards from all over the world. There was even an old Walkman in a box full of cassette tapes. I put every box in the ‘Keep’ pile. There wasn’t a chance in Hell that I would get rid of them.
That's because every single sentence is structured differently, even though essentially the same thing is happening over and over again: main character picks up box and then looks what's inside and then puts it in the keep pile.
Thanks to the variety in wording, it doesn't get boring! I liked it so much because it pulled something off that I always have trouble with while writing. Namely, repetitiveness. If you do the same thing to
An old blue onesie with Alexander written on it went to the ‘Sell’ pile. It was a little too small for me to wear it anymore. A box of extension cords went to the ‘Keep’ pile. We might need them at the new house. A locked leather briefcase went to the ‘Ask Dad’ pile. It was probably full of old paperwork.
I'd like that, but this is the "vague crit" part of my critting, so feel free to put it on low priority or ignore it altogether. Also it's something I'm really bad at, but that might have more to do with my skill (or lack thereof) as a writer.
I picked up a box from the top of the stack. I barely stopped the tears. I unfolded the flaps and looked inside. It was full of old school supplies, from when Mom was in college. There were several textbooks about Law, a large spiraled notebook, and a container of pencils and pens. I didn’t open the textbooks or notebook. The box went in the ‘Keep’ pile.
Lot of I.
There was more, but I didn’t read it. The entries gave me more questions than answers, but I didn’t care. I had to know more.
Could maybe do with making it more clear that the main character stops reading halfway through the entry, either by rewording this phrase or cutting off the entry in the middle of a sentence.
I didn't notice that another day had passed. Might be my lackluster reading comprehension. (Seriously. It's fucking shameful, especially considering how much time I spend reading.) but maybe like a horizontal line or something idk dwyw
Chris, on the other hand, did find something.
“I found something.”
not super important but a bit repetitive
Concrete Shit:
Putting the grammatical subject at the start of the sentence too often. Switch it up a little by putting it somewhere else and cleaning up the structure afterwards.
That text message format is really big.
Conc Lusion:
In a nutshell, this was fun to read! Adding the part with Chris and Jordan really contributed to the article, and added payoff. Good job I say.
Setup:
Introduction of setting:
Sister, little brother
Sister emotionally abuses little brother
Fall of honey
1—
(chokes)
2
The woman lunged at the waterfall of honey before her, reaching frantically for a sip of the sugary liquid. The man who stood on the other side stopped her within an inch of tasting it. Looking through the flow she could only see the outline of her interrogator. She stared at the silhouette. As she weakly tried to make eye contact, she wondered if maybe he would see how tired she was. Maybe he would feel pity and make the hunger go away or just make it stop altogether, but did psychopomps feel compassion?
"You're doing well. Just keep going," the man said calmly, but in his voice <name> could detect disappointment. This psychopomp apparently felt like being somewhere else.
She took a step back. "Let me take a break."
"You'll be here longer." It wasn't intended as a 'yes', but <name> was already ignoring him.
Looking to her left she saw empty space telling its life story to empty space behind a waterfall of yet more empty space. To her right had at one point been a boy sitting across a cascade of formaldehyde, but he had been replaced at least twice since she arrived. Now there stood a wildly gesturing young man, speaking to something behind a slowly descending mass of Vegemite.
There was nothing above her. She wouldn't need to look up again.
The man gently pulled <name> out of her reverie and made her face the waterfall again. She sat back down on the provided chair, the flowing honey only two feet away.
He asked nicely one last time. "Continue. Please-"
When she finally managed to reach into her father, she took him for a test drive. The body of Mark <last> walked into the living room and addressed the boy. (Disappointment; emotional abuse)
It was not a matter of strength. Compared to the Scarlet King, everyone was weak. <name> knew that. She also knew that it was a matter of being weak at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Hugo stayed with the bodies in the kitchen that night. The horde came early in the morning. They trampled the neatly cut front lawn grass with tyres and hooves. The boy, too young to fight and too old to recruit, was trampled as well. They took his sister. She knew her magic would not work on fellow believers, and gave up as expected. ?The entire time she had known that she would regret her actions for the rest of her life, and had persisted anyway.?
The stampede of metal horses was loud and dirty, but its riders stayed silent for the duration of the journey. <Name> saw the landscape changing around her, trees into abandoned skyscrapers into the desert. Going on forever. The wonder she felt staring at the endless dunes did nothing to drown out her fear.
She thought about her previous life and if she would ever want to return.
"Fuck no."
//Yes, she would wish for anything better and beg for her miserable slave's life to be ended. As long as the fear remained. Never want to be part of some cold world with no cruelty. Blood, not concrete.
shit man dit gaat in de nerdelands
want de angelsaksische taal is te veel voor mijn tere allochtone ziel
het is sneeuwend op monteer fuij
T
ok er was die bananensmoothie ofzo
en dan werd de bananensmoothie sapient
ik weet niet hoe ik dat moet vertalen
misschien moet ik dit toch in het engels doen
dit maakt alles toch alleen maar moeilijker
Smoothie:
Als er te veel banaan in zit dan wordt het hard. De bovenste laag oxideert en is volledig ondoordringbaar voor informatie. De enige manier om informatie uit de smoothie zelf te halen is door de oxidelaag te doorbreken maar dit onderbreekt het proces en dan krijg je zeg maar een bananenabortus.
Any orange-banana smoothie that has a certain excess of banana (compared to the amount of orange juice) left around for a long enough time will undergo oxidisation when exposed to air. This forms a hard layer on top of the smoothie. This layer is impenetrable to any and every kind of energy, and thus nothing inside the smoothie can be observed. (wow thats fucking convenient)
Item #: SCP-ohno
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-ohno is
Description: fuck im bad at actually starting these things
Item #: SCP-XXXY
Object Class: Unfinished
Special Containment Procedures: Shhh… later.
Description:
Archived as of 29 Mar 2024 11:56
SCP-XXXY fuck i don't know what this was going to be either
SCP-XXXY is. (it just is)
Item #: SCP-XXXZ
Object Class: Unfinished
Special Containment Procedures: It is to be ensured that no static documentation1 specifically mentioning one of SCP-XXXZ's possible web domains exists. All personnel assigned to SCP-XXXZ's containment are to memorise each web domain that SCP-XXXZ can inhabit.
SCP-XXXZ's current domain is to be monitored for changes of any nature. As Foundation web crawlers cannot be programmed to detect or remove reference to SCP-XXXZ without compromising containment, monitoring is carried out by Level 1 personnel.
Description: SCP-XXXZ is a webpage masked as an online pizza delivery service.
A Palette of Increasingly Ineffective Insults might be what this tale will be called, eventually.
bait:
Lots of colourful insults before we get to the meat of the article
hook:
?
payoff:
?
Crap that is either extremely useful or not useful at all
[[Image filename.png alt="Screenreader-friendly text"]]
[[module Redirect destination="url"]]
[[module css]]
sup {
vertical-align: top; position: relative; top: -0.5em;
}
[[/module]]
Screenreader-friendly code from here.
t
Joe is mad, and threw his fist to Steve's nose, for the first time, he punched his bully. Steve staggered back and growled. Then, he told the teacher. Joe got suspended because of that.
"You're suspended for assaulting another Steve," said the teacher.
"Ok." said Joe.
Item #: SCP-XXXW Did you know it says "gullible" on the ceiling?
Object Class: Euclid Given up on
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, SCP-XXXW itself cannot be directly contained. Recruited instances of SCP-XXXW-1 are to alert the Foundation immediately in case of a sudden shift of SCP-XXXW concentration and are to locate the source. The location of this shift must be confirmed by at least three (3) unrelated instances of SCP-XXXW-1 contained at different sites before action is taken to contain the source. MTF Rho-93 ("Doesn't Matter") is to approach the instance of SCP-XXXW-1. Non-hostile active instances of SCP-XXXW-1 are to be contained and recruited. If an instance of SCP-XXXW-1 ever becomes hostile, it is to be terminated immediately, regardless of reality-bending capabilities. Subjects refusing to join the Foundation are to be amnesticized and reclassified as D-class personnel.
All instances of SCP-XXXW-1 are to be tested for reality-bending capabilities. If a contained subject exceeds 1.15 Humes or reality-bending capabilities are observed, the subject is to be terminated immediately.
Description: SCP-XXXW is a type of energy presumably emitted as a byproduct of nuclear fusion. While SCP-XXXW has mass, it normally does not interact with any normal or exotic (anti)matter. SCP-XXXW is affected by gravity and in most cases behaves similar to a gas2. SCP-XXXW's existence was confirmed due to incident XXXW-██-D-8297 (see Addendum XXXW-01).
When SCP-XXXW reaches a certain density3, it will locally alter reality. No consistency has been observed in alterations caused by SCP-XXXW, and alterations caused this way seem arbitrary in nature. However, SCP-XXXW has not been observed to be sentient. Any information (biologically, physically and digitally stored) regarding the nature of altered objects before the reality shift occurs is changed to be consistent with the alteration. The only known exception to this effect are instances of SCP-XXXW-1.
SCP-XXXW-1 is the designation given to humans who are able to directly observe SCP-XXXW. By estimate, approximately 0.02% of humans is an instance of SCP-XXXW-1, though only an extremely small portion is aware of their capabilities. Active subjects can observe the density of SCP-XXXW in a radius of approximately 180 million km, though at larger distances observations become less accurate. Subjects are also able to identify alterations caused by SCP-XXXW, including altered information regarding these events, though perceiving altered information as before it was altered. Inactive instances of SCP-XXXW-1 become aware of SCP-XXXW and their ability to observe it when they directly observe an alteration caused by SCP-XXXW occurring. When this activation event occurs, all SCP-XXXW located inside the subject's body is ejected. This effect does not compress SCP-XXXW strongly enough to cause alterations in reality, however other instances of SCP-XXXW-1 can easily spot an activation event. Hume readings of subjects have shown no correlation between reality-bending capabilities and the ability to observe SCP-XXXW. However, active instances of SCP-XXXW-1 with reality-bending capabilities are to be treated as class IV reality-bending entities. Amnestics have proven to be ineffective in deactivating active subjects, as the subjects are continuously aware of SCP-XXXW.
Addendum 01: Incident Report XXXW-██-D-8297
In Site ██'s third floor break room, at 13:██ █ST ██-█-20██, four D-class personnel suddenly collapsed and expired. The cause of death of all four subjects was later identified as oxygen deprivation. Previous documentation and autopsy revealed that though none of the subjects were related, all four individuals's veins and arteries contained strawberry jam instead of blood. This was confirmed by Researcher ███████, who had worked with three out of four subjects before. It is unknown why Researcher ███████ did not report this to any other personnel, even though it was biologically impossible for the subjects to have survived except through anomalous means. A research team was assembled to find the cause for the simultaneous expiration of all four subjects.
At the time of the incident, Dr. █████████ was working with a blood sample from D-8297, one of the affected subjects. Dr. █████████, now confirmed to be an instance of SCP-XXXW-1, reported seeing the blood sample turn into strawberry jam. All personnel involved claimed that the sample had always been strawberry jam. The result of a spectroscopic analysis conducted earlier seemed to confirm this, and Dr. █████████ was checked for memetic contamination. No anomalous memetic content known to the Foundation was detected, suggesting either the presence of a previously unknown meme or an antimemetic anomaly. As per protocol, Dr. █████████ was scheduled for termination.
I'm in the bathroom right now. Probably the last pee break I'll ever have. You need to understand that I'm not hallucinating. Yes, I'm an instance of SCP-XXXW-1, but I know there's no memetic or antimemetic contamination involved. There's a reason there's "Dr." in front of that black bar I put there. SCP-XXXW is not an anomaly that causes random people to start hallucinating. I know what being under the influence of an anomalous meme or cognitohazard is like. SCP-XXXW is a field, as described by this article I just spent ten minutes of the small portion of life I have left on writing. The guards are going to start asking questions soon. I know. But seriously, O5-black bar reading this, strawberry jam? Can you even fathom how silly that shit is? No such coincidence can exist, even if you include every anomaly on the planet into your calculations. And I can see SCP-XXXW. It's everywhere. I can see everything. Including who's SCP-XXXW-1 and what has been affected by SCP-XXXW. It might be sentient. I don't know. But this is a major breakthrough. It explains why some powerful reality benders don't have high Hume readings. It explains why that door on the fifth floor says "pull" while being an automatic sliding door. It explains why and how Dewhurst "committed suicide" by drinking a bowl of liquid gold (spoiler: it wasn't 294). It explains how I managed to gather all this information by just looking at things. Stop killing SCP-XXXW-1s. I honestly don't want to die yet and one day we'll be your only hope in escaping sunlight.
also if you try to edit or delete this file shit will go sideways thanks to the included congnitohazard. guess that phd came in handy after all. try me , motheruf
Is "By estimate, approximately…" a tautology?
Title's not certain either. I kinda like it this way, but maybe there's some amazing pun out there that I'm missing.
Furthermore, English isn't my first language, so my vocabulary is a bit limited and sometimes I don't know which preposition to use with certain verbs.
Costa football family sometimes hydrogen film products. Jasmine will keep you comfortable. Panel Jasmine. Downhill and the Super Bowl. Football, basketball, football for children, and the price of lettuce. It was sent. How to feed bananas and order of halters, beef service. In fact, CNN alone, the treatment of life span of the bacteria fund. Feel soft calcium, and the levels of natural gas prices. All developers. Protein morning. It may not always be a factor. The rejection of the region. Let me Ligu Liu EU consequently Life Foundation, Elder Milan, Annie. Sometimes there is football and a draw. Do not let Metus pump as Android Misc Cup. Every taste. Jasmine hair. Despite ultrisyes or publicity. Make ultrisy ullamkorper island chat. Functional value.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Being worked on (presumed Safe)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in its "folded" state in a standard low-value item storage vault at Site-242. Only Class-D personnel are to directly interact with SCP-XXXX. Items retrieved from SCP-XXXX are to be photographed and incinerated.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an ornate 18th-century style wooden writing desk. Like many other desks from this time period, SCP-XXXX features a large amount of drawers, cabinets and foldable or extendable parts. In its "folded" state, the item has 9 visible drawers and measures 65x102x90 cm (LxWxH). Only male subjects are able to open parts of SCP-XXXX. When a female subject interacts with the desk, the locks on each component close instantly and the subject is unable to open it. When any part of SCP-XXXX is opened, a second layer of drawers in similar style to the rest of the object is revealed, although arranged in a considerably more complex fashion.
Configuring the cabinets and drawers of this second layer in certain ways reveals hidden compartments, which either contain items necessary to open other compartments or are required to complete configurations required to unlock other hidden compartments. Each layer of drawers from that point on acts as a puzzle of some sort, becoming increasingly more complex, to unlock the next layer. These layers seem to ignore the inner dimensions of SCP-XXXX, and with the first through seventh4 layers fully unfolded SCP-XXXX measures approximately 6x12x1.5 meters. In an attempt to map SCP-XXXX's interior (See Document #XXXX-M), it was discovered that the arrangement and contents of the hidden compartments is altered every time SCP-XXXX is opened, with more complex layers being altered more significantly.
Subjects attempting to find all hidden compartments in SCP-XXXX display an obsession in doing so. This effect increases in strength as more layers are unlocked. Eventually, when the subject unlocks a certain layer5, a single cabinet will be unlocked instead of an entire layer. This cabinet will contain SCP-XXXX-A.
SCP-XXXX-A is a bundle of hazel hair with a red ribbon tied around it. Attempts to remove or untie this ribbon have met with failure, though SCP-XXXX-A is flammable and destructible. When retrieved from SCP-XXXX the subject will develop an obsession with SCP-XXXX-A and the person to whom the hair presumably belonged, designated SCP-XXXX-B. Subject will become highly protective of the item,
Image source
Original Author: Daderot
This SCP is (loosely) based on the French short story La Chevelure (The lock of hair) by Guy de Maupassant. Original story here. English translation here.