Item #: SCP-XXXX-J
Object class: Safe
Special containment procedures:
Monitoring of instances of SCP-XXXX-J-A will be accomplished via field operatives stationed at various long-range rifle ranges across the country. Due to the unpredictable, harmless, and ubiquitous nature of SCP-XXXX-J, further action is deemed unnecessary at this time. Although technically feasible, total containment of SCP-XXXX-J would result in a significant depletion of Foundation resources and komrads better used dealing with an actual threat.
SCP-XXXX-J is a seemingly random memetic agent that affects persons of non-Slavic descent in possession of a M████ N█████ ██/██ rifle of Russian manufacture. Rifles of Polish, Finnish, Chinese, or other manufacture show no unusual traits. Individuals (known as SCP-XXXX-J-A) will display a marked preference to use no other weapons or firearms, claiming that the rifle is superior in all aspects, even when objective tests show marked inferiority in rate of fire, accuracy, and utility. In addition, affected individuals will display a preference for Russian cuisine, such as b██████, as well as a predilection to speak with a heavily emphasized Russian accent. Neither of these compulsions appear to be capable of overriding the individual's normal behavior, as demonstrated in multiple tests, where the accent appeared and disappeared depending on the gravity of the conversation or situation at hand. In addition, SCP-XXXX-J-A will be prone to calling anyone in range "comrade" or "komrad", both verbally and in written correspondence.
The effect becomes more pronounced over the first few months of ownership, peaking after roughly 2██ (+/- 1█) days. After roughly 8█ days, progress is irreversible, and will continue to develop even in absence of the rifle. Prior to this deadline, changes may be reversed using Class B amnestics.
Affected individuals will attempt to spend as much time as possible at a long-range outdoor rifle range. Apart from this, no abnormal behavior is seen, and this compulsion may be overridden easily if adverse conditions exist. Such conditions include, but are not limited to, marital problems, adverse weather, excess traffic, excessive distance between the owner and a long-range outdoor rifle range, and being im[REDACTED] God-forsaken rifle-mounted sp[REDACTED]f a bayonet. Attendance at a long-range outdoor rifle range appears to have no effect on SCP-XXXX-J-A. As such, SCP-XXXX-J has been deemed harmless.
This is a worldwide, apparently memetic, SCP, with a known source, and nobody thinks containment is a good idea? — Dr. J██████
RIFLE IS FINE. —O5-█
SCP-XXXX-J was discovered shortly after the closing of World War 2, after Russia had produced roughly ██ million rifles and ███ million rounds of surplus ammunition. Due to the generally amazeballs obsolete nature of the M████ N█████ at this time, Russia began exporting the rifles to various foreign military groups and private individuals for use as a general-purpose anti-personnel rifle or hunting rifle. It should be noted the gun is so fucking great generally inferior in the latter role, especially with surplus ammunition (which is generally non-frangible). By the time the Foundation came to realize the effects of SCP-XXXX-J, it was widespread enough that roughly ██% of the population in most major Western societies had been invaded by glorious motherland made aware of its effects, with nearly ██% infected.
This is possibly one of the worst failings of the Foundation to date. No memetic agent should have been able to spread this far in this little time. Why are we not dealing with this? —Researcher K██
RIFLE IS FINE. —O5-█
SCP-XXXX-J-A appear to be mildly susceptible to non-anomalous persuasion to attempt to accomplish feats with their rifles that would make most marksmen turn away.
IS BECAUSE CAPITALIST FOOLS ARE AFRAID OF POWER OF MIGHTY M████. —O5-█
PERHAPS KOMRADS SHOULD USE M████ AND JOIN THE MANY PROTECTING THE MOTHERLAND. —Dr. J██████
KOMRAD IS OWNING M████ TOO? —O5-█
Damn it all. —Researcher K██
Due to the lack of a viable business plan to produce more of the rifle or its ammunition, it is estimated that all known instances of SCP-XXXX-J will disappear by the year 2███.
CAPITALIST WILL NOT STAND IN THE WAY OF SUPERIOR RIFLE. —Dr. J█████
FOR THE MOTHERLAND! —Komrad M6-12███
As of █/██/20██, Operative M6-12███ is on administrative leave for unauthorized editing of Foundation documents. —O5-█