Noktigo's Bullshit Archive

This is just where I put what I've written for safekeeping. Sandbox is available here.

Also, you look good in that shirt. Or lack thereof.

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-2715

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2715 is to be kept in a low-security humanoid containment cell in Site 47. All vents leading to and from the subject's containment area are to be connected to an outdoor air supply. SCP-2715's meal schedule is not to be deviated from without the permission and approval of at least one level-three researcher assigned to the subject's containment unit. Site 47’s onsite therapist is to be made available if needed.

Description: SCP-2715 is an eighteen-year-old Brazilian-American female originating from ███████, Oregon. Subject displays a near-complete immunity to all types of biotoxic substances. Approximately two (2) hours after ingestion of a biotoxin, SCP-2715 will begin sneezing uncontrollably, releasing the ingested biotoxin into the surrounding area in the form of airborne particles. Breathing the ejected particles will result in strong negative reactions in line with those for the substance ingested, but notably more severe. Methods of inducing this reaction are limited to oral intake; any other means of introduction (e.g. injection) will be processed normally by the subject's body and cause effects consistent with normal human intake of the substance.

SCP-2715 came to the Foundation’s attention after ████ ██████, the son of the president of ███████, contracted an illness and died during the Fifteenth Les Âmes Libres Gala in France. Two days after the event, SCP-2715 sought out undercover Foundation personnel and admitted to having anomalous abilities that she had used to carry out ████ ██████’s assassination. Further questioning revealed that she had been operating in service of the Chaos Insurgency for several years, and wished to leave after Insurgency agents threatened her family with [DATA EXPUNGED] when she refused to comply with their demands.

SCP-2715 was taken into custody shortly thereafter and has since been cooperative in her containment.

Addendum 2715-3/16/██: As of 3/16/██, SCP-2715's mother and sister have not been located. This information is not to be made available to SCP-2715 in order to maintain her emotional well-being. False information regarding SCP-2715's capture has also been disseminated to Insurgency operatives to discourage retaliation against extended relations.

Addendum 2715-4/3/██: Since initial containment, SCP-2715 has consistently shown symptoms of post-traumatic stress. This is presumed to be a result of the subject's time with the Chaos Insurgency, though this has not been confirmed. Semi-regular appointments with Site 47's therapist are recommended.

[[gay trashman]]

The first person to pick Cees up had been a weathered old angler named Josephine.

It was a bit of a miracle, really; an old woman out night fishing at exactly the time he wanted to leave. She'd seen his flashlight flickering out into the bay that chilly October night and had pulled her boat alongside him.

"Need a ride, sonny?"

He hesitated for a second. But only a second. "Can you take me to Whittier?"

"Hey, you awake?"

"What is it, KC?"

"You check on him recently?"



Edina Vought rubbed her eyes. "I will tomorrow. We've got one more photoshoot lined up, and he asked me to alert him before it happens. Says the helicopter disturbs his peace."

"Ha. That's kinda funny." KC seemed thoughtful.

"Mark, that's not how-"

"No! You listen to me! We literally cannot afford to keep a cat here."

"Well, where else is she going to go!? The shelter, where they'll probably put her down?"

"The shelter's not going to put it down. It's sweet, it'll find someplace."

"Do you know the kill rate of Oakenfen, Mark?"

"Goddamnit. But it can't stay here."

"Where's she going to go then?"

"Find somebody who'll take it. Hell, give it to Rathway, god fucking knows he needs another pussy strutting around."

Mark turned around and started to his room. Cees yelled, "You're a real fuckin' jackass, you know that?"

"Count on it!"

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Cees muttered as he shoved his feet into his snowboots. "You fucking penis ass shit dick. Go eat a fucking cactus. Shithead."

He grabbed the cat carrier, exited out the front door, and slammed it behind him.

He had nothing but his clothes, wallet, flashlight, and a ballpoint pen that had long since run dry, but which he had sharpened to a point in a kind of really shitty shiv. He and Josephine glided along the water.

"Uh, quiet boat you got," he noted after a few minutes of almost dead silence.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like to keep it that way."

So he shut up and watched the reflection of the moon on the water as they moved ever slowly towards home.

"Morning, Ed," the other woman in the outpost said cheerily. "Your coffee."

"Thanks, Abelone. Movie any good?"

"Of course! We weren't very interested in it, though." Abelone cast a meaningful look at Taro Jakob, who seemed bashful. Vought sipped her coffee to hide her smile.

There was a series of quick knocks. "Oh, KC. I'll get it."Abelone went to the door and opened it to reveal one very out-of-breath KC, who looked directly at Vought.

"Ed, he's supposed to be eating right now, isn't he?" they said.


"He's gone."

"What do you mean gone?"

"I mean gone! He's not in his tent. I searched around and he's nowhere."

"He could have left early," Abelone quipped.

"Not possible," Vought said. "He's never left early." To Taro, she said, "Call the Anchorage site and tell them to get a sweep done on the coast. We're looking for garbage, any kind."

He drove for a long time. Hours, maybe. He had no roadmap other than the word "NORTH" echoing in his head over and over. North to Miles City. He reached it after about a day. Then he called someone.



"That's me."

"Hey! I haven't seen you in forever, man! How you doing?"

"I'm alright. Say, do you want a cat?"

"A cat?"

"Yeah. I found one on the street, but we can't afford one right now. Do you want her?"

"Bring her over."

Cees drove to the house, set the cat crate on the front steps. The person leaning on the doorframe watched disinterestedly. "You look like something's fucked your duck, dude. You get into it with Mark?"

"I need to redeem a favor you owe me," Cees said. "I'm going to Alaska. Was wondering if you'd be willing to work some magic."

"Where in Alaska?"

"I don't know.

The figure thought. "Where'd you guys get that three-pointer?"


"Yeah, Montague. If you're looking for a place to go spend some time, that might work. Well- hm. Maybe not, actually."

"Why not?

"Ah, that quake in March. Started washing a bunch of rubble over there. The whole beach might be better called Trash Beach now."

"Oh. Has it been cleaned up yet?"

"Who knows?" the figure said dismissively. "With all the bureaucracy these days, it'll probably be a year before they get someone over there. What's this you said about a favor?"

"Well, with the bears and everything, I've been thinking about keeping myself safe…"

The two of them caught sight of Whittier as the sun began peeking over the horizon. The cold had gotten worse over the last six hours; Josephine had been grumbling about wanting to go back to Freeport for easily half of that. Cees honestly couldn't blame her.

They reached the docks at and Josephine looked at him. "Anchorage is about fifty miles to the northwest, if you're heading there. Good luck." Then she shooed him out of the boat and drove back the way they'd come. Unceremonious, Cees thought. Then he stretched his hand out and started walking toward the road.

"Find anything?" Vought asked the regional director.

The regional director shook his head. "Clean as a whistle. Y'all wasn't watching it last night?"

"Why would we? He's- it's been doing the same thing every day for years now. We had no reason to think it would leave."

"Fair." He gazed around at the island. "Pretty spot a land here. You do any fishing?"

"You'd have to ask KC about that," Vought replied.