peng502's SCP-914 stuff

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Name: Dr. ██████████
Date: ██/██/2016
Total Items: Five (5) ████████-brand sleeping caps

Input: One (1) sleeping cap
Setting: Rough
Output: A small lump of wool.

Input: One (1) sleeping cap
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same sleeping cap, except with the words “DO NOT WEAR CAUSES NIGHTMARES MUCH BAD PLEASE NO WEAR TOTALLY IS NOT JOKE GUYS” scrawled on it in blood. Shortly after this sleeping cap was produced, SCP-682 entered the room, picked up the sleeping cap, and went back to its containment room. There were no casualties. How SCP-682 managed to escape containment unopposed, and why it took the sleeping cap, is still unknown.

Input: One (1) sleeping cap
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same sleeping cap, except embroidered with a picture of a frog riding a unicycle. Despite the suspicions of several personnel, the sleeping cap displays no anomalous properties.

Input: One (1) sleeping cap
Setting: Fine
Output: A green sleeping cap with white polka dots. Several tests indicate that the sleeping cap makes the wearer fall asleep much faster.

Input: One (1) sleeping cap
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A sky-blue sleeping cap. Several tests indicate it triggers astral projection.

Note: Is "minutes after working on an experiment related to sleep" a good time to say that I need to rest my head a little? Because I need to rest my head a little. SCP-682 says it has one more reason to call humans disgusting, and that it wants me to “pass the brain bleach”. This freaking machine put Dat Boi onto a sleeping cap! How does it know what that even is?! Seriously, I need some rest. Wake me up in… 15 hours. I’ll be wearing the green sleeping cap. #BuffPuff. G’night. - Dr. ██████████

Note: How and why are so many video game fanatics getting access to SCP-914? WHAT IS “DAT BOI”?! - Dr. ██████


Name: [REDACTED]
Date: [REDACTED]
Total Items: [REDACTED]

Input: [REDACTED]
Setting: [REDACTED]
Output: [REDACTED]

Note: Methinks SCP-1059’s been here. - [REDACTED]


Name: Dr. █████████
Date: 12/17/2016
Total Items: One (1) small strip of paper, with the phrase "What if Poland cannot into bees?" written on it

Input: Aforementioned strip of paper
Setting: Fine
Output: A strip of paper reading "According to all known laws of science, there is no way that a bee should be able to breathe in space. Or dab.". On top of it were ██ bee-like creatures, with white thoraxes and red abdomens.

Note: I'm convinced that SCP-914 has some idea of what humor is. - Dr. █████████


Name: [DATA EXPUNGED]
Date: ██/██/2███
Total Items: One (1) copy of SCP-000-J

Input: Aforementioned copy of SCP-000-J
Setting: Very Fine
Output: ██████ ████████████ books, the majority of which contain extensive information on anomalous objects in possession of the SCP Foundation. Attempts at destroying these books have been consistently unsuccessful. Information normally considered a memetic hazard has no effect when viewed via these books.

Note: I'm… not sure how I feel about this. - O5-█


Name: █████████████████████
Date: 12/17/2016
Total Items: Three (3) copies of The Beatles' "White Album"

Input: One (1) copy of The Beatles' "White Album"
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) copy of "The Black Album". Contributing artists listed are Metallica, Jay-Z, and Prince.

Input: One (1) copy of The Beatles' "White Album"
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) copy of Danger Mouse's "The Gray Album". About 35 seconds of research showed that this is indeed a thing that someone decided to make.

Input: One (1) copy of The Beatles' "White Album"
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) copy of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon". Several personnel stated that the album might be a cognitohazard, though little reasoning was given other than "it's probably dangerous".

Note: To be honest, I expected something related to SCP-049 or SCP-537. This'll do, I guess. - ████████


Name: ████████████████
Date: 12/18/16
Total Items: A snow globe, a banana, a light switch, and a piece of paper with the phrase "How do I kill SCP-682?" written on it

Input: A snow globe
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same snow globe, except the contents are upside down.

Input: A banana
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same banana, except "For Scale" has been written on it.

Input: A light switch
Setting: 1:1
Output: A sign reading "Don't reference YouTubers, ya dingus."

Input: A piece of paper with the phrase "How do I kill SCP-682?" written on it
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A bottle of beer shaped like a foam finger.

Note: [unintelligible grunting and mumbling] - ████████████████

Note: Something's wrong. I can feel it. - ████████████