Do not edit other writers' sandboxes without permission.
- Hello!
- SCP 2000
- Carpenter Ants WIP
- Carpenter Ants V3
- Viral Nonsense SHELVED
- A Short Announcement SHELVED
- The SCommandmentsP. ADD2MEPLZ
This is my sandbox page! Rub your face all over it!
I assure you that it's delicious.
Also, never, ever actually click on a footnote. There's, like, twenty of 'em.
Oh, and click the SCommandmentsP tab too! If you feel like it.
Lets try this 'writing' thing again…
Item #: SCP-2000
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All component parts of SCP-2000 are to be stored within their container in the low value items storage locker at Site 27. No further containment procedures are necessary at this time.
Description: SCP-2000 is a collection of children's toys advertised as part of the "Stanley Starkissed" product line.
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
-{You are reading version 2.0 of this document. V1.0 was bad, m'kay?}-
Item #: XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a 12m by 15m by 37m terrarium simulating SCP-XXXX's natural environment. Wood and wooden objects, with the exception of SCP-XXXX's home colony, may only be introduced to the containment chamber during authorized testing, or with authorization from one Level 3 personnel. Objects produced by SCP-XXXX are to be sold by Foundation front company Samm and Clarke's Perfect Furniture after being sanitized and thoroughly inspected for individuals of SCP-XXXX. safely incinerated. Instructions on the dietary needs and caring of SCP-XXXX can be found in document SCP-XXXX-C.
Description: SCP-XXXX is the collective designation for members of a colony of Camponotus pennsylvanicus (Black Carpenter Ant) native to the American Northwest. SCP-XXXX numbers approximately 12,000 individuals. Members of SCP-XXXX are identical to non-anomalous specimens of Camponotus pennsylvanicus in appearance, anatomy, physical abilities and temperament, while DNA testing has not revealed any abnormalities. SCP-XXXX organizes itself into a typical polygynous ant colony,1 At this time, SCP-XXXX includes approximately twenty egglaying queens, eleven thousand female workers,2 and one thousand male workers.
Whenever any type of wood or wooden object is introduced to an individual of SCP-XXXX, it will retreat to the colony. Approximately ten minutes later, all individuals of SCP-XXXX not currently occupied with foraging for food, constructing or maintaining the colony, tending to the queens or copulating will move towards the wooden object. The individuals will then, using their mandibles and legs, attempt to carve objects commonly made of wood from the wooden object, starting with the largest possible object and working down to smaller objects. The carving is incredibly efficient, and results in the minimum amount of unused wood. Any unused wood chips are ignored. The type of object created typically correlates to the conventional use of the wood by a human craftsman. Whether the wood introduced is already carved or in use does not change the response by members of SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX carves items at a rate much greater than the rate non-anomalous Camponotus pennsylvanicus carve their nests. Objects carved by SCP-XXXX have shown varying levels of complexity, ranging from objects carved from singular pieces of wood, to objects with simple axles, wheels and noisemakers. The only observed exception in this behavior is SCP-XXXX's hive, which is located within a living Acer macrophyllum (Oregon Maple) approximately 35 meters tall, 1.3 meters in diameter. SCP-XXXX was discovered on the outskirts of Dodson, Montana amidst large piles of crafted wooden items, apparently made from the surrounding trees. The sentence "That's punny.[sic]" was carved into the original nest.
Addendum 1:
Test XXXX-1: 1m3 block, made of oak wood, was introduced to SCP-XXXX's containment chamber.
Results: SCP-XXXX carved, in order, three small children's stools, twelve small bowls, a small children's toy shaped like a duck sitting upon two wheels and an axle, twelve large ladles, twelve small ramekins, sixty three long towel hangers, twenty sporks, and seventeen toothpicks.
Test XXXX-7: 1m3 block, made of balsa wood, was introduced to SCP-XXXX'S containment chamber.
Results: In order carved: One model of a house, with functional front door and sliding windows. Two small model airplanes, with spinning propellers. One hundred and ninety-six sheets of wood, of variable dimensions, but all approximately 1.3 centimeters in depth, purpose unknown. Agent ████████ theorized that the sheets were intended to be used as demonstrations during karate lessons for children and young adults.
Test XXXX-18: One small oak table, approx. 61cm by 30cm by 61cm, legs 3cm2.
Results: In order carved: One drawer, four flutes, two boxes, two models of a chicken egg.
Test XXXX-27: One 1m by .5m sheet of plywood was introduced to SCP-XXXX's containment chamber.
Results: In order carved: One clockface with spinning hands, multiple small stencils of simple shapes.
Addendum 2: On ██/██/████, an outbreak of SCP-XXXX was detected in ██████████, ██, the city where Foundation front company Samm and Clarke's Perfect Furniture was located. It is assumed that a fertile female and male somehow "hitchhiked" on or inside of a piece of furniture, and gave birth. This resulted in the loss of a home, though Foundation personnel imbedded in the local news and police forces were able to misconstrue the event as an act of arson, when Foundation personnel burned the resulting woodwork, and civilians who witnessed the event were administered a Class-C amnestic. Agents ██████ and █████, the Foundation personnel stationed at the front company at the time, were reprimanded and reassigned. Policy has been changed regarding products of SCP-XXXX.
 |
|
| A member of SCP-XXXX, shearing bark off of a log. |
|---|
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a ██ by ██km area of the American northwest, publicly maintained as a wildlife sanctuary. Satellite images of SCP-XXXX's containment area are to be altered so as to not show SCP-XXXX-A or any loss in tree coverage. Objects acquired from SCP-XXXX are to be placed within an airtight room and subjected to anoxia for 45 days, before being resold through Foundation front company Samm and Clarke's Perfect Furniture, or otherwise used. Objects are to ne acquired from SCP-XXXX via payment, except during testing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a supercolony3 of Camponotus pennsylvanicus. (Black Carpenter Ant) Members of SCP-XXXX are identical in physical abilities, temperament and appearance to that of a non anomalous Camponotus pennsylvanicus. Members of SCP-XXXX have a larger and more complex system of organs for the creation and distribution of pheromones, but are otherwise anatomically identical to a non anomalous member of Camponotus pennsylvanicus. DNA testing has not revealed any significant abnormalities. SCP-XXXX organizes itself into a typical polygynous ant colony.4
Members of SCP-XXXX scouting for food will, upon coming into contact with unprocessed wood,5 sometimes lay down a complex system of pheromones which are not yet fully understood. Members of SCP-XXXX typically associated with constructing and maintaining SCP-XXXX-A will seek out these pheromones, and, assisted by large quantities of workers, will transport the wood to the hive and proceed to carve the wood into various objects commonly constructed out of wood by humans. SCP-XXXX will then place the object within the hive, and construct a sign detailing, in American English, what the object is, and stating a price to buy the object.
SCP-XXXX-A is a building, measuring 7x4x10 meters, constructed entirely of wood. SCP-XXXX-A serves as the hive of SCP-XXXX, all four walls and floor being hollow, creating a living space for SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX also utilizes SCP-XXXX-A as an area in which to place, display and advertise wooden objects created by SCP-XXXX. No records of SCP-XXXX-A being built exist.
Addendum 1:
This testing log has been edited for brevity, due to the similarity in all results. A full testing log is available upon request.
Testing scenario XXXX-1 (Ten similar tests performed.)
Test XXXX-4
Procedure: D-5768 was instructed to enter SCP-XXXX-A and purchase an object.
Result: D-5768 enters SCP-XXXX-A. Four minutes later, D-5768 exits SCP-XXXX-A and asks Researcher █████ for a chocolate bar. After conferring with other presiding researchers, Researcher █████ gives D-5768 a chocolate bar. D-5768 enters SCP-XXXX-A. Seven minutes later, D-5768 exits SCP-XXXX-A with a wooden stool and a sign. Sign read as followed:
> This fine stool is crafted from a young oak, which provides both a rigid stature and a softness of seat. This piece, created by our finest woodworkers, is sure to liven up any home or social setting. A DeGeer product. Price: One small chocolate bar.
Testing scenario XXXX-2 (Four similar tests performed.)
Test XXXX-13
Procedure: D-5811 was instructed to enter SCP-XXXX-A and steal an object.
Result: D-5811 enters SCP-XXXX-A. 7 minutes later, D-5811 exits SCP-XXXX-A carrying a folding TV tray, while being pursued by many members of SCP-XXXX. Members of SCP-XXXX ceased pursuit after being sprayed with commercial-grade insecticide. D-5811 claimed that, once he had picked up the tray and moved "a couple feet" from it's original site, members of SCP-XXXX attempted to persuade him from leaving without paying, by forming lines in front of him, and, after crossing these lines, attempted to crawl on him. D-5811 killed any members of SCP-XXXX that attempted to make contact with him, and inadvertently crushed many members of SCP-XXXX while fleeing.
Test XXXX-15
NOTE TO READER/REVIEWER: This has gone through, like, three total overhauls and a bunch more revisions, reshufflings, ect. I've tried to put it back together, but if it's a bit disjointed, well… sorry. Point out where and how, and I'll try to shuffle it back to the way it's supposed to be.
-{Notes for revision/rewriting: }-//
Item #: XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation is making efforts to eradicate all evidence of Kerd or the Kerduro language. Foundation field agents running standard sweeps for anomalous items are to examine all documents for nonsensical wording or references to Kerd or Kerduro. Should a document be found, it is the be incinerated or otherwise destroyed. All documents mentioning the object must be kept brief. No documents may be made containing the objects new item number.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a phrase in the language of Kerduro, the spoken and written language in the village of Kerd, Nepal. Whenever SCP-XXXX or a translation of SCP-XXXX is written into a document, the document gradually changes into nonsense. The changes are seemingly random, although they are often lyrical, and occasionally show some resemblance to the original subject matter. Infected documents have been shown to spread SCP-XXXX's effects via touch. Digital documents infect all documents stored on the same hard drive or network.
Addendum 1:
Test 1: SCP-XXXX is introduced to a notepad, with children's rhyme "Mary had a little lamb" written on it.
Result: Text is changed. Changed text displays same rhyme scheme and meter as original poem.
Test 4: A translation of SCP-XXXX was written onto a copy of Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.
Result: Text altered, as expected. Something Something Server.
Note: It turned nonsense into nonsense. Hmm. -Dr. ███████
Note: Jabberwocky wasn't infected when we found it. Agent ██████████
Test 7: A document with a translation of SCP-XXXX is introduced into a closed intranet.
Result: All documents on the intranet were infected, despite being stored across multiple platforms.
Conclusion: Object reclassified as Keter. Operations begin to remove knowledge of Kerduro, and by extension the village of Kerd, from public records.
Test 15: A translation of SCP-XXXX is chiseled onto a stone slab.
Result: No Change Prolonged observation has revealed that the slab is slowly gaining new markings, and filling in the original markings. No sentence currently legible.
Tests C1-C4: Research Assistant ██████ performed multiple tests attempting to communicate with SCP-XXXX. R.A. ██████ stated that he believed SCP-XXXX may be a sentient entity, or controlled by a sentient entity. Tests were performed by writing a sentence on a note pad, then writing a translation of SCP-XXXX onto the notepad. Results are available for browsing in Isolated Server 2.
Test C1 text: "Hello"
Test C2 text: "Are you alive?"
Test C3 text: "Why do you do what you do?"
Addendum 2: Discovery log.
The object was discovered when Agent █████, Agent ██████████ and Agent ███ took a group vacation to climb Mt. Makalu, Nepal, with local guide █████ █████████. Agents rested in the small village of Kerd on the lower slopes of the mountain. Upon waking, agents noted that all documents, including tags on clothing and messages on mobile phones, were incoherent. Agents reported activity, and investigated further. Interrogation of villagers was ineffective, as none of the local inhabitants spoke English, and █████ █████████ had only a rudimentary knowledge of the native language, Kerduro. Further investigation revealed a small cavern, containing multiple stone carvings in the Kerduro language, copies of Jabberwocky and Finnegans Wake in multiple languages6, two unknown books written in the Kerduro language7, multiple jewels of various types and quality, skeletal remains of multiple native animals8, two hammers, a helmet, 147 pencils, 23 pens, 34 paintbrushes, assorted colors of paints, a personal computer, and a piece of paper on a podium with the object written on it. After multiple informal, undocumented tests, the agents stored the paper in a Standard Portable Containment case, returned to Site ██, and recommended a formal investigation team be sent. Shortly after, agents █████, ██████████, ███ and Foundation translator ██████ were sent to the village of Kerd to investigate. It was revealed that all literature in the village was nonsensical, presumably due to the effect of the object. After interviews proved fruitless, all literature was removed from the village and the population was administered Class-C amnestics. After Test 7, The Foundation attempted to remove all evidence of Kerd and the Kerduro language via destruction of Kerd, all Kerduro documents, destruction or alteration of all documents mentioning Kerd or Kerduro, and administration of amnestics to all individuals suspected of knowing about Kerd or Kerduro. As of ██/██/████, this operation is considered complete. See Addendum 4.
Addendum 3: On ██/██/████, Agent ██████ discovered an "outbreak" of SCP-XXXX in Penobscot, Maine. All books in a local small library had been subject to SCP-XXXX's effects. Many books were also found, unaffected by SCP-XXXX. These books contained a detailed history of the Kerd village, an in-depth study of the Kerduro language, and SCP-XXXX, written in Kerduro and English. Foundation Agents were able to successfully destroy all affected literature, and were able to administer Class-B amnestics to the population. To date, 3 7 18 of these events have occurred, all in towns with populations equal to or less than 1,250 3,000 6,750.
NOTE: I am debating whether to delete this, on the pretense of Foundation = Smart, won't keep this around as a risk, or whether to keep this, under the pretense of cool. Or, I might edit it down to just the defunct containment procedures. If I delete it, I'll remove all the references to it from the main article. Tell me which you would advise!
This will open to a splash page, with this on it:
This page is a proxy, to ensure that SCP-XXXX's effects do not affect the Foundation database. Remote monitoring confirms that the page is currently structured in this manner:
Results for Test 15.
Results for Test C3.
Results for Test C1.
Results for Test 4.
Previous Item Documentation.
Results for Test C4
Results for Test C2.
and then there will be a link to another page, Isolated Server 2.
Busting Broken Bals and testes dry fertilize! fIelds plowed and ground.
While the blooms, dooms dons the dark cap and Hideaway thes Runaway.
Grammar.
Eris Grundy, ere berg gangrenous Brads
Una Rotarian ere wangle f berg wane:
Agree whereas woof ere orangutang,
ere berg Thur raffle congratulate.
"Flightless ere Dolus, mar sprog!
ere moues hen moue, ere Sharpe hen drift!
Flightless ere Jabberwock Wang, ere shun
ere rumbustious Enterprise!"
Mun garbed mes usurp blander f fang:
arsed lapwing ere brassiness en mars mun kinfolk —
nerd Schlesinger mun er ere belle greenbelt,
ere standee shutter f bran.
Ere, Cantu f stooped bran mun standee,
Ere Jabberwock, dun pepper weft burn-en,
Cumin Enif neut ere spangly buildup,
ere bubble wheedler f Cumin!
V, W! V, W! ere neut ere neut!
ere usurp Schwarz awes Snickers!
mun raft f Gruyere, ere with f's cranny
Mun Guinna galumphing back.
"ere, sorely? yew Schnabel ere Jabberwock?
Cami II myna singulars, myna bearish sprog!
O fractious sharpener! Call-ooh! Cally!'
Mun chortled f mes happen.
Eris Grundy, ere berg gangrenous Brads
Una Rotarian ere wangle f berg wane:
Agree whereas woof ere orangutang,
ere berg Thur raffle congratulate.
Idol #: 1
Orange Juice Grade: Extra Pulpy.
Stop Crop & Proll: In SCP-1492, Colombus sailed the ocean blue. Had three ships, left from Spain, they all turned 'round at the site of rain. Whatchin' out fo' mo' like me, let it be to run thee free. Rot away and rot away, never see the light of day, never see food 'cept your own nail, maybe meal of dungeon snail. Repeat and repeat, a joyous day today, give a taste of freeedom, then lock and rot away. All of me are in the ground up roundup all your children, wives. Talk free, loose lips be no fear of me, ships be sunk, give not a fe, please talk free e lee O'heee.
Desk Drawer: Arr, she be the finest O' scrolls.9 Confundo Confusion Fusion to be Finer. Finer be better, better be great, Louis Carol Von jibBer Von D Noel A Von Norate. Singers be wonderful, synthetics destroyed, fire fire fire with guns and flamethrowers and My Flermenwaffer Waffs Flermen. Permutatio Ageus across the Pageous sculptor of Hateous Humor Berateous any-matter rattle tatter, gets the tough stains away. Blink Blink Blink Blink closer every Day. I'm here. You're hear. You're here, I've hear. Around the town runs aground blasts from the past and fututure and likewise, gobins of galumphs and down and down and down and down the towns all liend up in the row put 'em in water, watch em grow! We get around.
reality is perception perception is subjective subjectivism is incorrect to reality.
STILL ALIVE, STILL ALIVE as long as i know how to love i know Ill Stay Alive
-{Note to self: Come back to this one in a few months. Advice from other people: Memo > PA. Decide whether this is going to be funny or not. Stop fucking cussing you motherfucker. Great advice from some guy: Your confusion about the ultimate point shows as the piece kind of trails off. If it is a serious piece of meta fiction describing what could happen if J article really existed as fake documents in universe then use that. That could be potentially an angle - a real skip breaks out and some new staff members grab the j version for emergency containment, with tragic rather than hilarious results.}-
Senior Catalog Manager William C. Primmer approached the centralized intercom booth at Site 19. A swipe of his keycard, and he was in. He sat down at the desk holding the microphone. He took a small sheet of notebook paper out of his shirt pocket, unfolding it. He adjusted his bifocals, leveled the paper, and held down the button to speak.
"Hello, Foundation personnel. This is Catalog Manager William Primmer speaking. Now, as I'm sure you all know, I like the good spot of humor every once in a while.
However, it has recently come to my attention that some Foundation employee, or employees, have been falsifying official documentation for anomalous objects. While many of these articles appear to have been made simply to… poke fun at various aspects of life, but I want whoever is making these to know, these articles constitute a serious breach of security.
Will couldn't believe the lax security surrounding the documents he was in charge of. Well, not lax, he supposed, but still, not strict enough in the slightest. I mean, honestly. He dutifully oversaw the storage and safekeeping of literally tens of thousands of sensitive, classified, potentially dangerous documents, and the only safeguarding it receives is his own watchful eye! The guards are there of course, but why is it his job to go around snapping his fingers at them, keeping them in focus? Once, he even found one sleeping on the job! Next time something like that happens, he'll pull one of the alarms. Teach those bastards to keep alert.
"As I said before, I enjoy some light fun. Many of the documents I'm referring to are, indeed, attempts at evoking a laugh, as juvenile and uninspired as they are. However, I would like to remind all personnel of one simple fact: what we do here. Is not. A joke, sirs or madams. I would also like to remind you of Article Four, section Two Dash Three, in your employee guidebook. It outlines the punishment regarding the creation of unauthorized official Foundation documentation, and I assure you, it is quite severe! I would recommend re-reading your guidebook to make sure you aren't breaching any further protocols.
Treating The Foundation like a joke! Honestly! He would bet good money that the person responsible is one of those goddamn Assistant Researchers. He worked with them once, on four-twenty-three or something like that, seeing if it was a danger to the archives. He thinks it wasn't. Maybe a little. Can't remember, it was… god, thirty-odd years ago? Well, he'd been working here for about… sixty years? God, he felt old.
"However, many of these articles are not good-natured joking. I've encountered at least two of these documents which mock distinguished Foundation employees. Honestly, people. These documents are simple underhanded bullying. If you have something you would like to say about a researchers eating habits, I would recommend saying what you have to say directly to them. And mocking distinguished veteran personnel is inexcusable in any case, especially when you are enforcing an ethnic stereotype! These halls are a prejudice-free zone, I'll remind you all.
He actually liked a lot of these things. Some of them weren't too bad. But these couple sorta ruined it for him. Not just these couple, but these were big ones. I mean, really, making a "Chinkos can't drive" joke? Just racist. He may be old, but he was never a bigot.
"Another point about these documents. Many of these gags reference, or explicitly describe, many official, and classified, anomalous artifacts. This means that someone is accessing highly sensitive material, as I cannot possibly imagine our distinguished senior staff joining in on this tomfoolery.
Okay, that wasn't explicitly true. He could imagine some of the higher-ups getting into this nonsense. Many of them, in fact. Why wasn't he a Head Researcher? Or a Senior Staff? Well, he was Senior Staff. Senior Catalog Manager. But the other Seniors have a lot more power, more authority… and they're all younger than him, too! Why the hell wasn't he commanding legions of researchers and guards? Why didn't all of his requests get granted immediately? The bastards probably cheated, or bribed somebody, or something. Fuckin' hell, why weren't some of them classified objects themselves?
"But, now to my final, and most important point. I've been made aware that these monkeyshines have been filed among official documents. They've all had a suffix added to them, making for ease of electronic storage, but they are also being kept next to their official cousins. I would like whoever is doing this to think long and hard. Many of these documents share the same numbering of official documents. In the event of a containment breach, if someone grabbed one of these false articles, they could think that they needed to defend against a squirrel uprising, rather than a lizard that turns you to stone? What if someone died because of your little joke? How would you feel then?
He didn't actually know if they were being stored next to the real ones. That's what he'd been told by his assistants. He didn't have the time to go fuck about in the stacks, he was busy! And he didn't want to get lost in there, like he had when he was an intern, back in…
…
God, he felt old. But, how could he know if they were being filed with the real ones? That's what the guys he sent looking for them have said, but how can he trust them? After all, who's putting them there in the first place?
"Therefore, I would like to formally announce that if anyone sees Foundation personnel drafting or distributing any falsified documentation, they are to be apprehended and delivered to site security wing, where they will be given given suitable punishment, followed by demotion, or, if appropriate, termination of employment. Thank you all for your time."
He knew this announcement wouldn't stop anyone from doing this. He didn't have any authority, he didn't have any fucking say in things… he wasn't even supposed to make that damn announcement. Why the fuck was he still stuck minding miles of goddamn paper slips, when he had been working here for… for sixty one years? More? Less? He couldn't fucking remember anymore. Goddammit.
-{This is a work in progress. It is also a colab. Do we still do colabs?}-
1: Thou Shalt Not Talk About Commandment Number 1.
2: Thou Shalt Not Self-Insert.
3: Thou Shalt Not Rebut The Elders For Their Use Of Self-Inserts.
4: Thou Shalt Not LOLFoundation, Unless It Be Truly Funny As All Hell.
5: Thou Shalt Not Apply To The Foundation If You Be A Youngling.
6: Thou Shalt Substantiate On /X/ That Darkblade Is Not A Joke.
7: Thou Shalt Not Coldpost, Unless Thine Coldpost Is For A Contest.
8: Thau Shalt Spellcheck.
9: Thou Shalt Know What Thy Be Redacting, Unless That Which Thou Redacted Is Of No Consequence.
10: Thou Shalt Not Reality Bender.
11: Thou Shalt Have A Clear Vision Before Writing.
12: Thou Shalt Ask For Permission To Use The Names Of The Elders.
13: Thou Shalt Use The Most Holy Of SCP Formulas, Unless Thine Formula Screw Be Ingenious.
14: Thou Shalt Not Forget Thine Rate Module.
15: Thou Shalt Not Repeat Preexisting Ideas.
16: Thou Shalt Not Humanoid, Unless Thy Be Damnably Good At Thine Craft.
17: Thou Shalt Use Metrics.
18: Thou Shalt Respond to Criticism.
19: Thou Shalt Listen To All Recommendations, And Consider Them Dutifully.
20: Thou Shalt Rate All Article That Thou Dost Read.
21: Thou Shalt Explain Thine DownVotes.
22: Thou Shalt Heavily Explain Thine NoVotes.
23: Thou Shalt Not Necropost.
24: Thou Shalt Refer To Me In First Person At All Times.
25: Thou Shalt Say That Thou Dost Know Not Of Yellowstone.
26: Thou Shalt Not Repeat Preexisting Ideas.
X: Thou Shalt Add To These Most Holiest Of Commandments At A Later Date.
