The Rimpository

MERRY MIDSOMMAR, FUCKBOY!

Dr. Filler holds his head in his hands as the flower-adorned skeleton dances around him, weaving ribbons of toilet paper around the bollard his canteen bench is placed by. Maybe if he doesn’t look he won’t have to see the stares from other members of the department.

“Come on, Spooks.” he mutters disheartedly, “can we not? After everything that happened at Easter?”

I DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS, RANDALL

SCP-SPOOKY-J’s voice is grating in exactly the way Randy knows it intends to be. He’s anomalously annoying and what’s worse is it’s also non-anomalously annoying.

It’s been maybe half a year since Randy was assigned to Spooky, and it’s been maybe the worst six months of his life. He never quite knows when to expect this dipshit skeleton, and it’s been shredding his ability to rest anywhere - at home, in the office, even now in the canteen.

“I’m trying to practice mindfulness these days, Spooks, but it’s real hard to appreciate the current moment right now, you get me? You ever tried that?”

I DON’T HAVE A MIND.

“You don’t have a brain. You’ve got a mind, how else would you come up with insults for me?”

KING BRAINS OF BRAIN MOUNTAIN KNOWS SHIT ABOUT ME NOW,” Spooky shouts, “LORD OF THE ORGANS IN MY FACE. WHEN DID YOU SCAN MY BRAIN, HUH, WHEN I WAS FUCKING YOUR DAD?

It’s difficult not to just punch this thing sometimes. Maybe it would respect that approach more.

“Fuck, Spooks,” Randy says, “you said you wouldn’t talk about fucking my parents again!”

READ THE CONTRACT ASSWIPE UH OH DIDN’T MAKE ONE. I SAID I’D STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING YOUR MOM BECAUSE IT’S MISOGYNISTIC YOU DAD’S FREE FOR THE TAKING.” Spooky kicks Randy’s sandwich off the table.

“Jesus, Spooks, you fucking tool, get down off that.” Randy swipes at Spooky’s tibia in front of him, and there’s a hollow clonk as the skeleton teleports to another table, feet landing in Dr. Jacques’ mashed potatoes and sending them flying over his notes. It whips its arm out to point at Randy.


Randy puts his hands up in surrender.

“Come on, man, you know the amount of paperwork we had to go through to get that struck from the documentation last time.” he says, slowly walking over to Dr. Jacques’ desk and waving a silent apology to the man.

To his credit, Dr. Jacques just gives a small thumbs up and an encouraging smile. Obviously he’s been around long enough to learn not to interact - Spooks has a tendency to latch onto whoever challenges him and make their life a misery. That’s how Randy got the Senior Researcher position, after all. Argued with the asshole skeleton enough times that they gave him a payraise and told him that was his job now.

He’s been given an idea, though.

“Listen, you tool,” Randy says, “you fucking… skeleton key. Get-”

BAD INSULT FUCKBOY

“I know, shut up. Get down off the table or I’m revoking your free roam privileges.”

Spooky squats down to eye level with Randy, resting its elbows on its knees. It gets right up in his face before shouting again.

OH YEAH LIKE YOU CHUDS CAN CONTAIN ME ANYWAY

Randy tried to put as much fuck you as he could into his eyes as he stared back into Spooky’s sockets.

“Yeah, Spooks, I know. You can get out any time you like.” Spooky opens his mouth, but Randy cuts him off. “Hotel California, I know. But you know what happens when you get out, if you don’t have free roam privileges?”

DO I GO ON THE NAUGHTY LIST?* DOES DADDY GET MAD I BROKE CURFEW?

“No, Daddy gets to do paperwork. The O5s have been hounding us lately, taking as many things as they can off us and making them mainlist shit. GAW, Ashur, dado, that fucking noodle wizard. You know why noodle wizard isn’t around any more? Thaumatology got him when he breached containment and we had to report it. I’m going to guess if you get transferred out, it’ll be to a department with the funding to shut your boneass down fully, unless they want to revive you for testing. You want that?

THEY’LL NEVER PART US, WE’RE SQUADMATES FOR LIFE.

“No we’re fucking not, Spooks, we’re just two assholes with anger issues who take it out on each other. Difference is that for one of us, if we don’t get our shit together they’ll be putting us in a cage. Shit, dude, you think I want to be a jailer? I just” - God, he hates what he’s about to say - “I just want tuh be ya friend.”

There’s a pause. Spooky cocks its head, flower crown slouching off to expose bare skull.

LIKE TIBIA?

Randy shrugs.

I LOVE THAT.

“So… you gonna behave yourself today?”

Another pause. Then Spooky teleports again and he’s balanced impossibly on the corner of the canteen whiteboard, arm outstretched to a small rope hanging from the fissured ceiling tiles.

NO

Spooky pulls the rope, and several hundred pounds of dandelions and fertiliser fall from the ceiling tiles, burying them both.




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SCP-5747: "I'm sure we can fit you in!"

Author: RimpleRimple

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This SCP was written for the second 144-Hour Jamcon.

The theme for this day was Explosions

✈️

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NOTICE: MAGIC IS REAL


Your SCiPNet history shows you have not previously been assigned to any magical anomalies. In order to comprehend the below text, you must fully accept as truth that magic is real. If you have not already internalised this, please take the time to do so. If you feel that you cannot accept that magic is real without demonstration, please speak to your supervisor to have a Standard Request for Magic Demonstration (SRMD) form submitted.

Item #: SCP-5747

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Containment procedures focus mainly on a system of agreed-upon checks and balances for the Transportation Security Administration (henceforth the TSA) to ensure the restriction of SCP-5747's utilisation by airport security agents worldwide.

Please see Special Report SR-5747-5 for current considerations on the future of continment procedures on this item. If you would like to be included in the discussion, please contact your Ethics Committee representative.

Description: SCP-5747 is a controlled dual anomaly comprising SCP-5747-A and SCP-5747-B. Combined, these anomalies form the basis of an air travel security protocol brought into place by the TSA in January of 2009. This protocol extends the 100mL restriction on liquids that can be brought through security checkpoints in public airports to include the blood, urine and spinal fluid of certain individuals.

SCP-5747-A is a field of complacency and suggestibility suffusing the majority of spaces designated as international zones, including almost all airside areas in airports, as well as aeroplanes themselves. This field serves to mask unusual events, including SCP-5747-B or viewing those affected by SCP-5747-B. This leaves individuals without training to overcome memetic effects with the broad impression of airport terminals as tedious, unremarkable spaces.

SCP-5747-B is an anomalously non-lethal method of fully exsanguinating and dehydrating a human body in such a way that it remains conscious. Although this leaves the body relatively rigid, careful shaping during the procedure allows the dehydrated bodies to assume a roughly cuboid form factor for easier transportation and storage. Due to the effects of SCP-5747-A, this is not generally noticed by those affected or other passengers who see those affected by SCP-5747 being trollied through the airport, stowed overhead by compartment crew, etc.

In practice, the TSA's regulations surrounding SCP-5747 allow for any passenger to be subjected to SCP-5747-B for the entire duration of their journey, if identified by airport security agents as potentially magical. During this time, as SCP-5747 renders an individual rigid and incapable of locomotion, it is the airport's responsibility to get the passenger onto their flight and ensure they are fully rehydrated before exiting the airport.

The full set of the TSA's regulations for safe use of SCP-5747 can be found in their training manual BTP-13-ꙮ.

History:

SCP-5747 was brought into existence after an incident on 12/12/2008 in which an American passenger on a flight to Iran, Ahmad Esfahani, was detained by an embedded UIU asset in the TSA on the suspicion that he was an undisclosed bloodmage. Subsequent interrogation of Esfahani found that he carried no volatile curseblood in his system which could have been used to trigger a bloodmagic bomb, and indeed was not aware of the existence of magic or his status as a bloodmage1. However, the agent's concerns became a major point of discussion among TSA agents with knowledge of anomalous security concerns, quickly reaching members of leadership.

While the resulting steps have been deliberately obfuscated, it seems that the TSA leadership aware of the concern contracted a magical or otherwise reality-bending individual to enact the changing of the TSA's liquid restriction rules to include bodily fluids, in such a way that the change could not be perceived by individuals not aware of, or who did not believe in, magic. Over the next week, this individual brought SCP-5747-A and -B into existence to allow for the protocol to be followed by trained airport security agents, with the same memetic protection against discovery by those who are not aware of magic.

Once the Foundation became aware of this, the TSA were contacted and an agreement was drawn up between the TSA, the Foundation and the UIU to limit the number of passengers subjected to SCP-5747-B via careful training of security agents2. The purpose of this training was to minimise the number of non-magical passengers subjected to SCP-5747-B; although SCP-5747-B has not been shown to have any negative or traumatic side effects after the fact due to the clouding effects of SCP-5747-A, it has been judged inhumane where not necessary to apply it.

Special Report SR-5747-5:

On 9/12/2016, MTF-μ-3A ("Secret Shoppers") ran a covert inspection of several airport security gates, and found that across the board a higher rate of passengers than expected were being detained and subjected to SCP-5747. Closer inspection over the following months found that a number of airlines had become aware of SCP-5747, and were offering unofficial financial incentives to security agents who hit certain quotas on the use of SCP-5747-B. In the case of two major airports, this accounted for almost 5% of passengers being subjected to SCP-5747-B, with these numbers heavily concentrated on specific flights and airlines.

The purpose of this practice was to allow for the overbooking of flights, particularly in order to continue selling last-minute flights at significantly increased prices. In extreme cases, this allowed for two flights on the books being run as one single flight with half the passengers stowed in the hold, saving significantly on fuel costs.

The final report on this practice, SR-5747-5, was delivered to the Foundation 23/5/2017 - discussion on how the Foundation will be responding to it will be held by the Ethics Committee in their next ordinary general meeting in June. Notable findings include the use of SCP-5747-B as a punitive measure, and a trend toward false negatives being heavily weighted to target Arabic and Muslim individuals.

This page is for my writing that is not ready to be read, so be wary of cringey ideas, crude blocks of crap, and random spoiler snippets.

Right now, I've got two articles to my name: SCP-2559 is about a memetic virus, except it's not actually about the virus. SCP-2338 is about some very scary lil kids in Hallowe'en costumes… except it's not. Time will tell whether this is a pattern.

UPDATE: My third article, SCP-2779, is about a cute pig who can talk to computers except it's not actually about the pigFUCK I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.

uhhh also 948 and 3500.

and This Year.

Unusual character hoard:

████████████████

ä ë ï ö ü ÿ Ä Ë Ï Ö Ü Ÿ
á Á ó Ó ú Ú í Í é É
™‽ ꙮ

α Alpha Νν Nu
Ββ Beta Ξξ Xi
Γγ Gamma Οο Omicron
Δδ Delta Ππ Pi
Εε Epsilon Ρρ Rho
Ζζ Zeta Σσς Sigma
Ηη Eta Ττ Tau
Θθ Theta Υυ Upsilon
Ιι Iota Φφ Phi
Κκ Kappa Χχ Chi
Λλ Lambda Ψψ Psi
Μμ Mu Ωω Omega

Useful things:

http://www.scp-wiki.net/component:theme

[[/gallery]]

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Fucking around w/ javascript: