roctopus

Henry Higgins’ Headset

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a box 6 cm x 16 cm x 12 cm in Dr. █████ office.
ADDENDUM: SCP-XXXX has been transferred to a lock box, accessible only to staff of Level 4 clearance and above. Staff are reminded that an object not being dangerous under all conditions does not mean that use of an object for convenience’s sake is anything other than a very bad idea.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a telephone headset with earphones and microphone attached, exhibiting all possible uses of such a device so long as the user does not deviate from early 20th century "standard" British English pronunciation and grammar (addendum: SCP-XXXX does not respond to languages other than English at all). Upon erring grammatically, users report hearing a male voice with an upper class British dialect berate their errors. Approximately 5 to 7 hours later, subject will experience a drop in self-worth, expressing an intense desire to commit suicide, which the subject will inevitably attempt. Studies show that subjects stress levels increase after the previously specified time period at such a rate that subjects' heart will fail if restrained from suicide attempts.

Tests have Confirmed SCP-XXXX does not react in an adverse manner towards accented English, so long as basic grammar and pronunciation of standard consonants remain consistent with laws of standard British English circa 1920. For example, a dropped consonant will result in a reaction, but a slight vowel change will often produce no reaction.

SCP-XXXX was discovered shortly after the [REDACTED] based branch of [REDACTED], now closed. The string of suicides caught the attention of the Foundation, who discovered after much investigation that the headset had been recycled to every dead employee. The object was ordered in a batch of such devices, though to date none of the other electronic headsets have exhibited any anomalous properties.