Access Granted. Loading Resource 712-6: Tribunal of Agent J. Maxwell following Operation 7241.
LOS Tanner: Agent Maxwell, I'm not sure you understand what I'm saying. If you don't elaborate on this mission, you will be demoted, possibly even terminated, due to Insubordination.
Agent Maxwell: I'm sorry, sir, but I don't understand what you mean. I wrote up as much information as I could.
Tanner: You can't be serious. All you have written under the mission report is a story of what happened, no actual results! You actually met with who or whatever the doctor is, and yet you can't tell us what he, she, or it is like?
Maxwell: I'm—-
Tanner: Don't say Sorry! You've said that enough! Bugger all, we've wasted 17 years in this mission! Can't you at least tell us if he's a person or a group or…?
Maxwell: Well, sir, would you care to listen to my story?
Tanner: I've already read it here, what's the point of listening to it?
Maxwell: Just… Listen to me tell it, ok? It's a little bit different.
Tanner: A sigh is overheard. Fine, just be quick about it.
Maxwell: The intent of Operation Doctor Who was to present Dr. Wondertainment, Co, with a proposal regarding a possible Alliance with them against the SCP Foundation. The idea was that they could potentially provide us with an unlimited supply of anomalous items for use in combat against the Foundation.
Tanner: You've forgotten the secondary objective.
Maxwell: I was getting to it! The secondary objective was determining the true identity of Doctor Wondertainment. This was a very difficult task. The structure of Dr. Wondertainment, Co, is very similar to that of a regular company. I started out at the lowest level. Four years spent in a crowded, dark, hot mail room, sorting mail. It was terrible. There are a lot of nasty stories I could tell you about there, like the time a higher up ordered sixteen kiloliters of something labeled "pink slime." One day, the manager came down to see us. He told us we were doing an excellent job. I told him to shove it, that I was tired. I regretted it as soon as I said it. But not him. He said I had spunk, that we could use a guy like that up in engineering. We became friends. His name was Lucas Rogener. You know who he is, of course, because… Well, I'll get to that later.
We went out for drinks that night. With some… "convincing", I managed to further persuade him to give me the job. I got the promotion nine days later. The Engineering sector of Dr. Wondertainment is something incredible. You have giant machines that do who-knows-what, giant Stuffed Animals working alongside Normal Human Beings, and a program on the computer called "Kidz Design Pro". The file, which you recall I forwarded to the Insurgency-
Tanner: Yes, indeed, we received the file from you. It was not able to be run on our computers, however.
Maxwell: Well, it was, essentially, an anomalous object generator. You can put what you want in, and minutes later, a giant 3D printer creates it for you. Do note that I was not able to send you a copy of the printer, due to the obvious size restrictions. Anyway, If the bosses like your job, you get paid and the object goes into production. Otherwise, it was confiscated and destroyed, as a security measure. After a while, I had an incredible idea: What would happen if [Hidden]? They thought it was an incredible idea. A few minutes later, I had a working prototype. Because of that, in a mere two years I was able to move up into Management.
It was here I first started questioning people about who the doctor was. Well, I just got the same answer back from them all: Only the Doctors know. At first, I thought this was critical information, because that meant for certain there was plural doctors. It turns out, however, that "the doctors" was code for the people directly under who or whatever "Dr. Wondertainment" is, kind of like a Board of Directors under a CEO…
[DUE TO LARGE AMOUNTS OF EXTRANEOUS AND UNNECESSARY INFORMATION, THIS PARTITION HAS BEEN REMOVED]
… I killed him. I killed Lucas. I needed his job. Just a clean shot to the head, while we were Fencing together. But it wasn't blood and brains that came out. It was cotton. Wool. Like he was a stuffed animal. And inside it was the key. With that key, I knew promotion was standing right in front of me. After all this time, I was about to become a Doctor. I could finally find out what Doctor Wondertainment was like. I was promoted to the Board of Doctors about 4 months later. And then, during a meeting on the sixteenth of March, I met him. After seventeen years, I finally did it. And you know what Doctor Wondertainment is?
Tanner: WHAT? WHAT IS HE?
Maxwell: See, that's the problem. I can't tell you. You have to be a doctor to find out.
Tanner: I JUST SAT THROUGH A 30 MINUTE STORY FOR THAT? Screw it all, I'm done with the diplomatic path. You guys know what to do.
<End Log>
Verdict: Subjected to approximately ██ hours of interrogation without elaborating on details. Subject was then terminated. After termination, a key was discovered, with the words Lock your lips written on it was discovered inside the cerebral cavity. Camp 9 is to be placed on high alert for the foreseeable future, due to possibility of discovery by an