I Am A Fish
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I woke up that morning to the sound of the postman knocking at my door. Although it was strange that he was here so early, all suspicions quickly left my mind as I signed for the package he'd handed me. After he left, I went back to bed. I had a full hour before I was due at the site, but then I just could not get back to sleep. I decided to make some breakfast.

I quickly walked down to the kitchen and put some bread in me. While waiting for me, I opened the package. Reproductive Methods of Bony Fish seemed like a boring title for a book, but I had little else around to flip through while I waited. As I read, it became harder and harder to actually read the book; my fins just could not hold on to the thing. I dropped the book on the counter as the toast popped out of me. I then tried to place some bread inside me so that I too could make some toast. However, since I am a fish, the bread couldn’t get passed my damned fish lips. I then began to flop on the floor, as the absence of water meant that I would surely perish. As a toaster, however, I realised that I should be making more delicious bread, and attempted to crawl over to the wall socket to plug myself in. This was harder than I thought, as my fish brain just could not wrap itself around such a concept. I looked up at me on the counter and saw the book again; look at all those sexy fish ladies! I was at this point ridiculously aroused, but as a toaster I was unaffected. I looked back up at me and had an idea.

NOTE: As of 5:30am this morning, Researcher Adams was electrocuted after attempting sexual intercourse with me, which was plugged into an electrical outlet. This was exacerbated by the highly erotic content of SCP-2483. The simultaneous breach of two cognitohazadous items was undoubtedly a successful attempt at assassinating the researcher, and investigation is underway to find the culprit(s). I was placed back into my containment chamber, and you are a fish.