Scantron's Sandbucks
rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-$

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-$ is kept in a Hartveld-Gleason Cryocontainment Chamber cooled to ~30K (-243°C). The inner chasis's interior is to be lined with three sequential memetic triggers in all directions: the first, a customized command memete to insure temporary (~14s) compliance; the second, a plaintext directive to store all available energy in an adjacent high-capacity facility; the third, a delayed trigger to induce unconsciousness (duration 30-35 days) after nine seconds. This procedure maximizes periods of SCP-$'s inactivity, while allowing for controlled release of energy buildup.

To minimize the potential damage of a full containment breach of SCP-$, only sites located in areas that are rarely above 0°C and are distant from large nearby human populations may contain SCP-$. In conjunction with the requirement for high-capacity energy storage, only two sites are authorized for SCP-$ containment. SCP-$ is currently located at Area $-A, and levitates water in an adjacent pumped hydroelectric energy storage facility. No women or predominantly feminine-presenting individuals are employed at Area $-A.

In the event of a full containment breach, personnel not involved in re-establishing containment procedures are advised to adopt a deferential attitude towards SCP-$ and follow any commands it produces (save for those entailing the death of themselves or others) until containment procedures are re-established.

As SCP-$-A may develop properties standard for gravitational singularities of its mass upon SCP-$'s "death", termination of SCP-$ has not been authorized.

Description: SCP-$ is a humanoid entity, formerly Brandon █████████ of ██████, California. On 2027-01-06, SCP-$ developed a microscopic gravitational singularity, designated SCP-$-A, in its genital region. While SCP-$-A has a hypothesized mass of 3 billion metric tonnes, its gravitational effects do not extend beyond a sphere 8.2cm in diameter, and it retains its position relative to SCP-$ at all times.

Hawking radiation emitted by SCP-$-A (estimated at 40 MW) is directed exclusively towards SCP-$, which stores this energy via an unknown process. SCP-$ is capable of using this energy to produce a variety of energetic phenomena (i.e. light, heat, electricity, motion) in its general vicinity at will.

SCP-$ possesses several additional anomalous properties whose relation to SCP-$-A and its power output are unclear. These properties are in effect regardless of SCP-$-A's awareness of their triggers.

  • Drastically reduced requirement for food, water, and air; general lack of detectable biological functions apart from neurological activity. It is unclear whether SCP-$ is "alive" in the conventional sense.
  • Presence of a large external organ resembling a cloak, which covers SCP-$'s body. The organ is composed largely of skin and collagen, and resembles thick cloth in texture.
  • Rapid desiccation of human females that enter its vicinity, causing death within four seconds.
  • Emanation of a black aerosolized substance from its skin when exposed to visible light, hindering visual examination of SCP-$. This substance decomposes into various sulfur compounds after several seconds. SCP-$ is capable of sight despite the presence of this substance.
  • Type E telepathic capabilities.
  • Absorption of kinetic and thermal energy from the surface of its body, reducing both to safe levels.

SCP-$ is highly resilient to conventional methods of attack, with the possible exception of several lethal methods whose use has not been authorized. While SCP-$ generally adapts to conventional memetic triggers within four seconds, low temperatures inhibit this property such that these triggers take effect prior to adaptation.

Outside of containment, SCP-$ will prioritize the destruction of all erotic materials in its vicinity, as well as any human females that its anomalous properties have not already killed, believing both to possess the ability to deactivate its anomalous properties. In the absence of any apparent threat to itself, SCP-$ will typically terrorize any nearby population into submitting to its desire for admiration and power. It will also prioritize the elimination of social elements it considers inferior or undesirable.


SCP-$ was born to a middle-class family in ██████, California on 1997-01-06. It came to the attention of the Foundation in 2015 after making several posts on Reddit's "/r/█████" community claiming that abstinence from masturbation had granted it minor telekinetic and pyrogenic abilities. A routine examination by Foundation personnel revealed no anomalous properties at this time; interviews indicated that SCP-$ was experiencing grandiose delusions, in conjunction with narcissistic personality disorder. No action was taken.

In the months preceding January 2027, SCP-$ began to make online postings on various websites describing an increasing sense of "power building within [him]", and repeatedly expressed anticipation of becoming a "wizard" on its thirtieth birthday. On 2027-01-06, SCP-$ developed its current anomalous properties, which it then used to kill several individuals that it felt had wronged it, including family, coworkers, and other associates, before adopting aforementioned behavior patterns.

Containment was achieved with great difficulty and substantial loss of both Foundation and civilian life.

Researcher's Note

While the concept of developing superhuman powers at age 30 as a result of lifelong abstinence from sexual activity is well-established in certain internet subcultures, sincere belief is extremely rare, and there is no evidence to support its validity. The potential effects of abstinence from masturbation haven't been rigorously established, but the development of anomalous properties are not among them.

Current evidence suggests that SCP-$ possessed dormant anomalous capabilities that manifested as a result of its belief that it should develop said properties. While it is thus conceivable that forced alteration of SCP-$'s beliefs would deactivate its anomalous properties, a method to reliably do so during the existing 14-second window has not been created yet. Additionally, this tactic's likelihood of success is not high enough to justify the risk of a containment breach.- Researcher Klein