A non-mementic recreation of a sample from SCP-X-J. Unecessary text hidden.
Item#: SCP-X-J
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The object housing SCP-X-J is to be kept in a re-enforced 25cm x 25cm x 25cm lead container, bolted shut. The box is to be kept in a standard containment high security vault, equipped with video surveillance of the interior and exterior of the room 24 hours a day. Batteries are to be replaced on all recording equipment weekly. It is to be relocated to a different Site every 2 months and the Containment Procedures repeated at each Site. The object housing SCP-X-J are to be charged every 3 days within the containment chamber by a portable charger and then said charger destroyed. SCP-X-J-1 is not be brought within 6 miles of SCP-X-J-1 under any circumstances. No further action is needed unless SCP-X-J undergoes a Tinnitus Event. See Addennum X-J-Alpha.
Site 20, located in ██████, Siberia, is to be outfitted with a standard humanoid containment cell and SCP-X-J-1 placed inside it. A minimum of 15 guards will be placed on site to ensure SCP-x-J-1 does not attempt to breach containment. In event of a containment breach, guards are authorised to use the appointed dart guns to non-lethally detain and contain it. Meals will be provided twice, daily.
All unauthorised requests made by SCP-X-J-1 should be ignored.
Description: SCP-X-J is the cellphone belonging to SCP-X-J-1, formerly known as Dr Rivers of the Mobile Task Force Zuma. The anolomus properties of SCP-X-J manifests as a series of texts to and from SCP-X-J-1 and ████ █████.These texts show SCP-X-J-1 interacting in a romantic way with another person, even though HE STILL TOTALLY LOVES ME. The texts are completely convincing to readers, even when presented with ALL the evidence that disputes their truthfulness. Like SERIOUSLY even that picture of us hiking through the Everglades hasnt convinced anyone that this makes no sense! COME. ON.
SCP-X-J-1 is a humanoid entity, who goes by the name of "Alexander Rivers." However, h̶e̶ it is also known by the name of Alex, Lex Luthor, Sexy Lex, Ally-Poo, Roaring Rivers, The Nile River (because he has a really big [REDACTED], "My Snuggleface Boy Toy, and more recently, by "freaking asshole." SCP-X-J-1 shows no anomolous effects on it's own, but is most affected by SCP-X-J and is kept in containment to keep SCP-X-J's mementic effect from spreading.
SCP-X-J creates a highly powerful mementic effect giving the illusion that makes SCP-X-J-1 thinks it is over between us, and as such, SCP-X-J and SCP-X-J-1 should be kept apart at all times.
Addendum X-J Alpha: A Tinnitus Event is activated when the phone housing SCP-X-J begins to make sounds consistent with ringing or receiving a new notification. When this event happens, the Site Director Dr Walters is to be called immediately and granted access to the containment chamber. As the only one immune to the mementic effects of SCP-X-J it is safe for her to read any new texts that may be added to SCP-X-J.
The Foundation is a machine at this point. A perpetual motion machine. A very well oiled perpetual motion machine.
It's an odd way to start this, but I have to remind myself of why I'm typing. I probably wont have time to type this all at once. I'll probably be too busy with….sigh. "Important work."
It wasn't always like this though. In the past, there was fears of the Foundation getting carried away with its mission. That we'd go overboard, waste time, waste resources.
Waste ourselves.
That we'd lose sight of our goal while surrounded by Godhead's discarded junk and overturned trash. Seeing and doing things the rest of the population hadn't even made myths of yet. And who wouldn't anticipate that happening? I mean, some of the stuff we got here is pretty damn amazing. I'd want a few minutes alone with Factory Porn myself. But nobody wanted us to go off the deep end, spending, wasting, testing, spending, wasting, testing, and basically doing everything but securing, containing and protecting.
The higher ups back then said we had a natural barrier protecting us from going there.
Our resources are finite.
We couldn't just spend money on a quick zip to Jupiter and back for a test on the effectiveness of an object X distance from some arbitrary reference point. We couldn't just throw things at a monster until it got bored of us. We couldn't just split an "anti-bergstrom-atom" and pray that it wouldn't destroy the very fabric of "being." We had to spend wisely, manage resources, keep track of what we do, be EXTREMELY careful, and focus on protecting humanity from literally everything. In a world where we can all die from fucking cakes, we didn't have time to waste on stupid shit.
But that all ended when we DID have that time. And that money and that people and that pretty much everything. We lost our fail-safe.
It's not like one day, we were taking government handouts and the next we are on top of a mountain of money. It happened over time. Slowly at first, but these things seem to speed up exponentially. Rate of growth is proportional to state of growth. That's what I learned in geography class as a kid. And boy was it true here.
Our front companies started to be very successful. That was the first part. Millions of dollars coming into our hands. "Sweet! We can secure and contain the SHIT out things with this!" we thought. And we were right. It was a great time for everybody.
We came upon a tonne of SCP's that helped too. We had resident market analysts trying to calculate just how much precious stones and metals we could clone without crashing the economies of the world. We started being more direct producing our own goods in some places.The old O5 voted on allowing us to expand or D-Class pool from Death Row and Life sentence inmates to even some homeless people on the frigging street. That's how many D-Class we were using. So many we almost ran out. We started getting a tonne of new D-Class from god knows where. We even started producing more D-Class ourselves. I dont even know how. I wasn't thrilled to find out how we were facilitating our continued downward spiral.
We had new things coming in from every direction. In essence, our resources became infinite.
And it was the worst thing to happen to this place.
Which brings me back to my original position. The Foundation became a perpetual motion machine. And the dumb objects became our power source.
Now we're checking and exploring and rebuilding and measuring and wasting, testing, spending. We're at the very place we tried to get away from.
We can find a spooky scary house and feed 40 D-Class to it for "research" and have our only findings be "Close off this spooky scary house and dont let anybody fucking go inside it."
Heck, we started creating so much D-Class that we could terminate them every month! I dont know what dumbass approved that, but I'm sure glad I could step in before that went on too long.
We can have hypothetical conversations like this.
"Eh, we're feeling too lazy to move this object."
"Let's just build a new 50 million dollar site around it."
"Are we going to put other things there too?"
"No, let's just build a 60 million dollar site around that."
What kind of bullshit is that? But none of that matters. We can easily afford it.
We can casually poke and prod incredibly even Keter-level dangerous objects and just repair the damage it may cause. We can keep objects that are one micrometer away from tearing the planet apart and cost millions of dollars to continually maintain, just because we want to try out one more cool test later.
But we can handle it, so who cares?
We have two objects that can fix humanity after destruction. Two. And despite both coming with their extreme difficulties and drawbacks, it's made the other O5 members soft. They've become lax in just freaking shutting down some things going on here.
Send in 3 or 4 D-Class teams before the remote controlled drones? Sure thing!
Give numerous objects a site of their very own? Even if they don't need it? Well all that testing has to happen somewhere don't it???
Keep around objects that will become too powerful to stop eventually? Why of course!
We even try things where we KNOW the end result, but still do it anyway.
Can we just leave 682 alone now? Can we stop trying to kill things that are easy to contain and incredibly difficult and costly to kill?
I mean like damn, the casualty list of each new attempt to destroy it is bigger than the last. Yet we still keep going, because we can. It's not like it would do much if we just left it, instead of visiting it every day like it's our mascot.
It always warms my heart to see "All Further Testing with SCP-XXXX denied." But it always, ALWAYS happens a few tests too late. AFTER too many of our own go mad or get killed. Not that it would make a very large dent in our ability to do it all again of course.
We went from securing, containing, protecting
to constantly putting everyone in danger trying out things stored in incredibly expensive ways, throwing everything at them unnecessarily
wasting, testing, spending
Because we can now.
I don't even know who I'm writing this for. I've likely talked about things that should be classified to practically everyone on the planet.
I guess I'm just writing this because I god damn can.
How an SCP page may look in Djoric's broken masquerade canon
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Threat Level: {Pending classification from the GOC}
Containment Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: [text]
Classification Level: Pending [See Addennum-XXXX-1 for ongoing voting]
Description: [text]
Addenum-XXXX-1: The following is a log of the votes made by relevant parties on the level of classification that should be assigned to SCP-XXXX:
"Since day 2845-0, many SCP objects have become much easier to contain, due to the general public being equipped with the knowledge to protect themselves from it." Vote: De-Classified
"More time for research and testing is needed before we even think of de-classifying this. No-one would like a repeat of [REDACTED], would we?" Vote: Classified
"Even after day 2845-0 led to the general population finding out about MOST of our objects, a few still remain highly classified. Even some discovered well after that day. This is to say that we have no obligation to continue to reveal these objects to the people, and it should not be a knee jerk reaction based on it already being done for others. Vote: Classified
"We always have to be on high alert now because either some unscrupulous group or bratty teenagers who got a hold of the right SCP object wants to break in and mess with or steal our remaining objects. We do not need to put a target on a Keter object by revealing it to the world. We were lucky to find this one ourselves this time." Vote: Classified
"Once again, I believe that unless there is a mementic hazard involved, we should reveal all objects to the public. Millions of minds coming together will be able to contain an object better than a few hundred." Vote: De-Classified
Votes on classification from the GOC still pending