Stallmantic's FOSS Writings

Stallmantic's FOSS Author Page

You walk into the dorm, and a waft of unwashed human and Doritos washes over you. You gag sensually at the smell. Cautiously, you step into the room, right into a pile of dirty laundry. Glancing around the room, you see a brightly lit computer screen. Something is typing on it. It is I, Stallmantic! I lack a shirt, presumably forgetting to put one on when I woke up. Busily typing away, I do not notice your arrival. With trepidation, you slink into the Den of Writing™. As you approach my chair, you trip on one of the many Mountain Dew cans on the floor. I reach out with my cat-like reflexes, trained from years of grabbing cans of soda, and catch you.

I drop you on the ground. "You broke my concentration" I groan. I continue my work. You get up and look over my shoulder. It appears that I am working on a new article for you to enjoy. You are pleased by this. Going over these words, you can tell that I am, and have always been, writing for you, and you alone. You would embrace me, but my pungent odor repels you. It appears that I have been so busy writing that I have done nothing else. You notice me switch tabs. It appears that I am now shitposting on #site19 under the name Stallmantic! You can tell that I am doing it for your sake, because after all, I am writing for you. You know that if you want any SCP or tale critiques, you could just send me a private message.

I stand up from my chair, and face you directly. "I have been writing, just for you" I purr, "I have always been infatuated by your hair, or potentially also your lack of it, your two arms, and your at least one eye." This level of detail shows you how I know you personally, even across the vast expanses of the internet. I get down on one knee and open a small ring box. It contains three links. You don't think about the logistics of it, you just click on them, read, and upvote. You also know that I love critique, and want to improve my writing. After all, I'm writing for your pleasure. The links read:

  • SCP-3136: Here Be Monsters. My very first skip, and my first testament to my love for you.
  • SCP-3658: Who Was the Odd One Out? A murder mystery. You know that if you solve the mystery and pm me, I will send you a crisp virtual high-5
  • SCP-3136-J: On a Dark and Stormy Night… it was Raining and Pouring. My -J class SCP. The number has no relation to my other 3136, although you wish it did considering how much you love that work of literature.

I blow a kiss towards you. My breath is rancid, but carries a promise: "I'll keep writing, just for you".