Systemshocked Panoply of Mediocrity

SCP-2561: Mammon

rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-2561

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2561 in its entirety is stored at Site-99T in a standard humanoid containment cell. Requests for a chair were granted by Dr. Boetteger, but requests for access to a radio were denied. SCP-2561 requires no food, so the delivery slot is sealed. Physical interaction with SCP-1561 is to be kept at a minimum.

Update: Following the incident at Mont Ross and the death of Dr. Boetteger, all queries about SCP-2561 are to be directed toward Dr. Klepaki.

Description: SCP-2561 is the skeleton of a human male of approximately 55-58 years of age, standing 1.61 metres tall. It is animate, capable of motion and speech despite the lack of a central nervous system and lungs. The bones themselves are bound by some elastic force into the correct anatomical position. Attempts to pull the bones apart are met with an exponentially increasing force of anomalous origin, designated as SCP-2561-N. This force is currently undergoing experimentation appears to have no limits, and no further experimentation based upon testing this limit is to be undertaken without Council approval.

SCP-2561-A is a wide bodied ceramic pot, measuring 0.83 metres in height, 0.40 metres in diametre at the lip. It is otherwise unremarkable, aside from some slight chipping and scratches around the base. Contained within are approximately 34,000 gold coins, designated SCP-2561-B. They resemble one pesata coinage and are dated to the year 1930, though non-anomalous coins of the era are silver.

For seven hours and fifty minutes every day, SCP-2561 will interact with SCP-2561-A. It will not respond to queries or stimuli, other than attempts to block its access to SCP-2561-A. During this, SCP-2561 will attempt to shovel as many instances of SCP-2561-B into its mouth as it can. Invariably, the coins will fall through the skeletal structure, landing back into the pot. Attempts to redirect the coins were met with SCP-2561-N, as is anything trying to remove coins that is not SCP-2561. Half way through this active period, SCP-2561 will enter a brief state of awareness. This period lasts exactly 31 minutes. Afterwards, it will resume attempted consumption of SCP-2561-B until the remaining time has elapsed. Then it will enter a state of full awareness for the rest of the day.

During both periods, SCP-2561 will converse and interact as if it were an American citizen from early 1963. No mechanism has as of yet been found for his speech. SCP-2561 speaks with Mid-Western accented English, though he has on one occasion demonstrated slight proficiency in French, with a focus on vulgarities and requests to find places and things. Direct questions to the nature and origin of SCP-2561 are met evasively, but it is willing and even eager to discuss other topics. Areas of interest include the American Football League, a professional football association that folded in 1970, and the music of Pat Boone.

SCP-2561 was discovered ██/5/93 in a walled off section of an art school in Madrid, Spain. The renovation workers who found it attempted to take instances of SCP-2561-B, but found themselves unable to do so. Failing that, several of them managed to wheel out SCP-2561-A, depositing it in the back room of their place of employment. The workers were disconcerted to find the next morning that the skeleton had followed them, causing a series of holes in the structures between the renovation project and their warehouse. There were no casualties, but one man suffered a panic attack when SCP-2561 flew through his living room window only to leave through his kitchen wall at roughly 70 km/h. The Foundation was alerted, and SCP-2561 was taken into custody. Class-B amnesiacs and sufficient cover stories in the local media to account for the holes were dispersed.

Addendum 2561-1: Dr. Boetteger's Note: Whatever super-powered pretentious twit created this basically gave us the key to infinite, sustainable power. Full post-scarcity utopia stuff. I know, there are half a dozen entities with that capacity, and it's always ended up in a terrible, Monkey's Paw situation. But with the right precautions, and with a grant of a small portion of the Foundations reserves of ████████, I believe the benefits to mankind far outweigh the risks.

Addendum 2561-3: Testing Facility Mont Ross: Designs for SCP-2561-powered generators are also no longer being accepted.

Addendum 2561-7: Testing Facility Mont Ross: [REDACTED]

Addendum 2561-10: Dr. Klepaki's Note: Mont Ross was a mistake. No more experimentation on SCP-2561-N. I'm not going to explain to the USGS again how a skeleton-shaped tunnel in the Earth's crust eight kilometres deep appeared overnight. And no, we're not sending it to Site-████. We put six metres of ████████ in its way and it was the ████████ that bent. Taking it away from the gravity could lead SCP-2561 to slingshot around SCP-2561-A, gradually building up speed, until creating what is potentially a relativistic projectile hurtling wildly across local space.

Let's just stick to what we know: lock it away in a box.