tehburntone
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  • A regular toilet bowl, except that the buttons on the cistern are red and blue. Pressing the red and blue buttons results in the output of the flush moving up or down one phase respectively. This works regardless of what is put into the cistern, which functions as the input, and the toilet appears immune to the temperature of the output.
  • A sentient shapeshifting SCP that, upon sensing that someone needs help, will proceed to help in an entirely over-the-top way, resulting in the achievement of the desired results with a ton of collateral damage. Discovery was when the SCP attempted to put out a small forest fire by creating a firebreak around it, resulting in recursive firebreaks. Upon learning it was going to be contained, it proceeded to "help" the Foundation by immediately teleporting to a Foundation facility… and then proceeded to "help" some more. Probably going to be a -J.

[[tab SCP-1254 "Baby's First Milk"]]

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Item #: SCP-1254

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Sachets of SCP-1254 are to be contained in a clean, dry storage area. Personnel are not to requisition SCP-1254 for personal use. Mixtures of SCP-1254 and water are to be handled with gloves, and personnel are to wash their hands thoroughly after testing to remove all traces of the substance.

Description: SCP-1254 in its dry form is an off-white powder resembling infant formula, contained within sachets weighing 20g each bearing the product name "Baby's First Milk" and the logo of the ████████ Corporation, purportedly a manufacturer of baby food products. Records reveal that the ████████ Corporation is not registered with any government entity. SCP-1254 resembles normal infant formula in composition, with the exception of increased levels of calcium and the presence of several otherwise benign biological agents that give it its anomalous properties. Labelling on the sachet instructs users to prepare suspensions of SCP-1254 in approximately 300ml of hot water; consumption of dry SCP-1254 does not result in anomalous effects. A "recommended dosage" of 1 sachet per day is also provided, but exceeding the recommended dosage does not produce additional anomalous or detrimental effects.

When ingested, a mixture of SCP-1254 and water, induces a feeling of drowsiness in test subjects, causing them to fall asleep within 5 minutes of ingestion for a minimum period of 8 hours. During this period, small growths resembling nipples will develop on the subject's thumbs; investigation reveals that each of these structures is connected to a collection of mammary glands that develop within the musculature of the subject's arms. The subject does not experience any compulsion to suckle on these growths. However, suckling on these growths stimulates the release of a secretion identical in composition to human breast milk, with the addition of several compounds that inhibit the growth of oral bacteria, as well as increased levels of melanin at night. Subjects experience a marked reduction in faecal output, but cannot survive on the secretions of these growths alone and continue to require reduced sustenance. Growths disappear approximately a week after consumption of SCP-1254 suspension ceases.

SCP-1254 was discovered after an outbreak of milk-secreting "warts" among infants under the care of ███████ Kindergarten, a prestigious child- and infant-care centre in █████████. Foundation agents traced the source of the anomaly to packets of SCP-1254 sent in the mail as "free samples" to the infant-care centre. Foundation medical staff posing as concerned local practitioners of cosmetic medicine offered to excise the growths. All affected parents and caretakers were given Class-A Amnesiacs and led to believe that their children had been affected by a novel strain of fungus.

Addendum: Document-1254-A, a mailer found during the recovery of SCP-1254:

Tired of your little one screaming in the middle of the night? [After this section, half the mailer is blank.] This is the sound of your child, on Baby's First Milk. Baby's First Milk is guaranteed* to give you AND your infant a good night's sleep. Baby's First Milk is proudly produced by the ████████ Corporation. ████████: Parenting, Made Easy.
*Actual results may vary.