Item #: SCP-350-J
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-350-J is to be kept in an open-air enclosure spanning at least 10 square kilometers. SCP-350-J's enclosure's boundary is to consist of a 2 meter wide concrete wall of at least 25 meters in height. Staff members assigned to SCP-350-J are to remove their wallets before entering SCP-350-J's enclosure so as to prevent the specimen from cheating staff of their money.
Researchers assigned to SCP-350-J are to be required to undergo anti-memetic training. Only one researcher is to be allowed to enter SCP-350-J's enclosure at any given time, and all researchers leaving SCP-350-J's enclosure are to leave through an exit portal of no more than two meters in height and one meter in width. Any requests from researchers inside SCP-350-J's enclosure to increase the size of an exit portal is to be immediately denied.
If SCP-350-J acts aggressively towards researchers in its enclosure (as defined by researchers in its enclosure), researchers are to shout expletives at the specimen and insult it until it ceases its aggression.
Description: SCP-350-J is a 23.52-meter-tall, long-necked, four-legged reptile largely resembling Brachiosaurus altithorax. The specimen is sapient and capable of human-like speech, but it displays a tendency to slur or condense words into slang.
SCP-350-J displays a low-level memetic ability to consciously disguise itself from human recognition. When asked to describe the specimen, viewers will first notice the profession that the specimen is currently choosing to impersonate. Chosen professions have included a member of the Girl Scouts, a school chef, a beggar, a veterinarian, and a lawyer. Only under close scrutiny and after prolonged periods (between 30 and 120 seconds, on average) do viewers notice the specimen's long neck and titanic stature.
Discovery: SCP-350-J was discovered during government response to reports of increased beggary and poverty in Highland, Scotland. Citizens reported an oddly-dressed beggar requesting £2.70, or $3.50, from town residents. The Foundation further investigated and acquired the specimen after Agent McElroy (who was vacationing in Highland at the time), being approached by the beggar, noticed that it was "eight stories tall."
A previous form of SCP-2324
Item #: SCP-2324
Object Class: Safe Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2324 is to be kept in a passcode-secured storage locker. Testing is to take place in an airtight, sealed room, containing a table and two chairs.
Revision: SCP-2324 is to be kept in a passcode-secured storage locker. Further research pending O5 approval.
Revision: SCP-2324 is to be kept in a passcode-secured storage locker. Once a week, a literate child aged 15 or below is to be led into a testing room, provided with the object, and asked to read. After each test, D-Class personnel are to clean the testing chamber, and, if needed, replaced destroyed furniture with new instances.
Description: SCP-2324 is a book in the Magic School Bus series. Its contents vary after each reading. The book can be safely observed and read until, in the story, the Magic School Bus changes its shape, size, or position. At this point, adult readers have reported feeling “carefree” or “childish” after reading, but whether this is a memetic effect has yet to be determined.
When the bus changes, anyone age 15 or below reading the book aloud will recite the following line:
“Today, the Magic School Bus is on holiday, so we had to get a rental,” said Ms. Frizzle, “But don’t worry, kids! We can still have fun!”
At this point, the subject will be drawn head-first into the book through the open pages. Observers have described the process as similar to the “spaghettification” effect near the event horizons of black holes. At the same time, a small amount of atmosphere depicted in the book will “leak” through, filling the space previously occupied by the subject.
Following this event, the book will autonomously turn to each consecutive page, reading aloud the book’s text in the subject’s voice. The story, while still following a the plotline of a typical Magic School Bus book, will change to include the subject as one of the protagonists. Illustrations will change to match.
Furthermore, the “rental” bus, which lacks the Magic School Bus’ protective capabilities, will inevitably be unable to withstand the stresses of the story’s journey. The plot and illustrations of each story will change to match.
At the end of the story, the book will close, revealing a new cover and story. Should a subject survive, s/he will emerge from the final page of the book, disoriented and distressed. Surviving subjects should be given Class C amnesiacs and returned to their homes.
Testing Log 2324-1
SCP-2324 is currently in the form of “Inside the Human Body”. The book is currently on the testing room table. D-92134, hitherto dubbed “Observer” is sitting one of the chairs. The subject, a 10-year-old boy, is directed to sit down.
Observer: Hello, Christopher. Could you read this book for me?
Subject: This thing? Isn’t this for babies?
Observer: Please disregard the childlike nature of the book.
Subject: Okay…
Subject reads up to page 5, when the Magic School Bus changes size.
Subject: “Today, the Magic School Bus is on holiday, so we had to get a rental,” said Ms. Frizzle, “But don’t worry, kids! We can still have fun!”
Subject begins to scream as his head lengthens and thins to enter the book’s pages, but screaming ceases when his vocal cords are absorbed. After the subject is fully absorbed, the page turns. Sound begins to emanate from SCP-2324, using the subject’s voice and vocal patterns.
SCP-2324: “First, we’re going to enter Arnold’s digestive system,” said Ms. Frizzle. “How does it work?” Asked Carlos.
The illustration shows a dented generic yellow school bus slowly shrinking, then flying into Arnold’s mouth. Ralphie, one of the children on the bus, has been replaced with a stylized depiction of the subject. The subject, unlike the other children, seems disturbed by the bus’ mutation. The page turns.
SCP-2324: “First, food gets chewed up by the teeth, and food is dissolved by saliva,” said Ms. Frizzle. “This helps-”
The illustration on the left page shows the school bus being crushed by Arnold’s teeth and swallowed. The children and Ms. Frizzle are reduced to red masses, and Ms. Frizzle’s hair can be seen poking out of a broken window. After saying “helps,” SCP-2324 ceases vocalizations, and the book closes, revealing a new cover for The Magic School Bus Lost in the Solar System. Observer retrieves the book and leaves the room.
Testing Log 2324-2
SCP-2324 is currently in the form of “Lost in the Solar System”. The book is currently on the testing room table. D-32451, hitherto dubbed “Observer” is sitting one of the chairs. The subject, a 14-year-old girl, is directed to sit down. The subject is given a 10-liter oxygen canister and attached gas mask.
Observer: Hannah, could you please read this book for me?
Subject: Why? The men who brought me in wouldn’t say anything. (Subject looks down)
Observer: We just need your help in a little experiment. Just read this book, and you’ll be free to leave.
Subject: This better not be some Matrix bullshit.
Observer: Of course not. Could you read now?
Subject: Fine.
Subject reads up to page 7, when the Magic School Bus leaves the atmosphere.
Subject: “Today, the Magic School Bus is on holiday, so we had to get a rental,” said Ms. Frizzle, “But don’t worry, kids! We can still have fun!”
Subject looks at observer as she lengthens and thins to enter the book. The oxygen canister fails to enter along with her. After the subject is fully absorbed, the page turns. Sound begins to emanate from SCP-2324, using the subject’s voice and vocal patterns.
SCP-2324: Ms. Frizzle was very excited. “Look outside! You can see the-”
The illustration depicts the entire class struggling to breath, clasping their necks, as the bus passes the moon. The book closes, revealing a new edition of “The Magic School Bus Inside a Beehive”. The observer retrieves the book.
Testing Log 2324-3
SCP-2324 is currently in the form of “Inside a Beehive”. The book is currently resting on the testing room table. D-93464, hitherto dubbed “Observer” is sitting one of the chairs. The subject, a 15-year-old boy, is directed to sit down. The subject is wearing a Foundation-provided machete in a sheath on his back.
Subject: Duuuuuude! Can I keep this thing? This is BADASS! (Observer smiles)
Observer: Sure thing - all you have to do is read this book.
Subject: What the fuck is this?
Observer: Please start reading.
Subject: Sure thing, I guess…
Subject reads up to page 3, when the Magic School Bus begins to shrink.
Subject: “Today, the Magic School Bus is on holiday, so we had to get a rental,” said Ms. Frizzle, “But don’t worry, kids! We can still have fun!”
Subject enters the book, and the page turns. The book speaks with the subject’s voice.
SCP-2324: The children entered the flower field, and they saw bees near the flowers’ centers. “Why are the bees flying near the flowers, Ms. Frizzle?” Ralphie asked. Ms. Frizzle replied, “They are collecting pollen to make honey. See how they rub themselves in flower pollen?” The kids were amazed.
In the illustration, the school bus stops moving in front of a flower, and the bees take notice. In the next frame, the bees attack the children, resulting in massive casualties. The subject, however, manages to defend himself using his machete, and he succeeds in eliminating two attacking bees. Ms. Frizzle rallies the children, but is soon stung, and she dies.
The subject proceeds to infiltrate the nearest beehive, steal a small amount of honey, and exit the hive.
SCP-2324: That’s all for today, kids!
The subject is then reconstituted in his chair, wielding his machete. The book closes, revealing the cover of “The Magic School Bus Inside the Earth” He assaults the observer, but is soon incapacitated. The subject is given amnesiacs and returned to his home, with his machete.
Researcher Comment 2324-1: By O5-2’s order, testing with SCP-2324 shall now cease. The Foundation doesn’t need any more children’s blood on its hands, you heartless freaks.
Incident 2324-1: On █/██/2014, after 3 months of inactivity and no testing, SCP-2324 was discovered missing from its containment locker, which is checked daily. One week later, the book was recovered in a classroom in ███████, which is at least 12 hours travel away from the book’s containment chamber. However, the earliest report of a disappearance occurred only one hour after the breach was discovered. On █/██/2014, one week later, containment was breached again, and the book was found in a kindergarten in ███████. The cessation of testing was linked to the containment breaches, leading to new containment procedures. Item classification has been changed to Euclid.
Containment Log: SCP-2324 was contained on █/██/2013 in a kindergarten classroom at [REDACTED] after numerous reports of disappearing children.