Venus of Jupiter

Class: Safe

NameYourOwnSnake

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to remain closed for business and all windows are to be obscured from public view. A building superficially resembling a warehouse has been constructed around and over SCP-XXXX. The inside of this building is lined with lead. Once per day, at least five people are to read the text on the front window of the original shop. It is important that these people remark positively about the text, ideally commenting on the humorousness and cleverness of it.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a (now closed) Stewart's Shop in █████████, NY. On the front window of the shop, text will appear spontaneously advertising new, bizarre types of ice cream. The ice cream in the freezer containers and the menu board will both spontaneously change into whatever is being advertised on the window. This occurs at irregular intervals and the timing appears to have no discernible pattern.

The following have been reported from the time before the shop's closure. They are listed in chronological order:

- Don't Bite Your Nails… Bite ours instead!!!
The ice cream tubs were all filled with various types of nails, screws and other similar hardware.

- Come in here and we'll clean your clock!!!
The tubs were filled with different types of clocks and watches immersed in various household cleaning chemicals.

- Get Ready to Rock and Roll!
The tubs were filled with individually wrapped sandwiches that consisted of stone disks on plain keiser rolls. Each 'flavor' was a different type of stone (shale, marble, granite, etc).

Per our staff interviews, customers were not made aware of the anomalous 'flavors'. The manager had covered the menu board and instructed his staff to tell customers that the ice cream freezer was out of order. During an extensive interview with the manager, it was revealed that he had contacted upper management to tell them that the freezer was inoperable, but that not informed anyone higher than himself in the company of the anomaly. Further investigation, including analysis of company communications, has determined that this is true. Amnestics have been administered to the manager.

- Name Your Own Snake! (see file photo)
Each tub had a single live venomous snake in it. Whenever a snake was removed from the tub, another snake of the same species would replace it.

NOTE: The "Name Your Own Snake" incident is what originally led to the discovery of SCP-XXXX after local media reports of four workers all being bitten by four different exotic snake species not native to the area. The store was closed by the local health department and was soon acquired by a Foundation owned real estate firm. A cover story about a local man illegally keeping venomous reptiles was released to the press.

SCP-XXXX still continues to function even after the shop's closure. The various 'flavors' appear to be getting progressively more dangerous. The following have been reported after the shop's closure:

-Pick your poison!!!
Each tub is filled with a different toxic substance, including rat poison pellets, arsenic, cyanide, etc. The menu board also changed to offer a Hot Mercury Sundae.

- LETS MAKE A BIG BADA BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Each tub conained different explosive devices and substances. Hand grenades, RPGs, black powder, etc., along with one fully functional miniature nuclear bomb.

- Your Black Soul isn't as Dark As Our BLACK HOLE!!!!!!!
Due to the risk of a Class IV end of the world event, none of the tubs were opened.

[Note fom Dr. Murka: Tubs are no longer to be opened under any circumstances without prior approval. Please continue to document the window messages and menu board items.]

Open Testing log:

On XX/XX/XXXX, Dr. Murka attempted to communicate with whatever entity was controlling the anomaly. She did so by writing on the outside of the window with commercially available washable window paint.

The following logs are transscribed from the window.

Dr. Murka: Hello SCP-XXXX. My name is Dr. Sandra Murka. Do you want to talk?

SCP-XXXX: Please don't call me that, Doc.

Dr. Murka: What would you like to be called?

SCP-XXXX: Please, call me Chuck! All my friends call me Chuck, and I'd like us to be friends!

Dr. Murka: OK, Chuck. Are you the one changing the ice cream flavors?

SCP-XXXX: Pretty funny, huh? Oh, man! You should have seen the look on the guys face when he found the screws in the ice cream tub! Heck, he was working so fast, he didn't even realize it at first. He actually put a whole scoop full of screws into an ice cream cone! It was hilarious!

Dr. Murka: So, that was meant as a practical joke?

SCP-XXXX: Of course it was! It's all in good fun. Everyone got a good laugh.

Dr. Murka: What about the snakes, the poison…the black hole? Those things don't seem like jokes.

SCP-XXXX: Well, the snakes were to get everyone's attention again. You see, they stopped paying attention to me after a while, so I had to change up my act. I needed to keep my audience interested. That's showbiz 101!

Dr. Murka: What about the other things, then?

SCP-XXXX: It seems like it takes alot to get your attention. Yeah, I've been watching you all, listening in on your conversations. You deal with some pretty weird stuff. You just weren't paying attention to me anymore and

[the window suddenly went blank]

Dr. Murka: Chuck? Are you still there?

SCP-XXXX: I got angry, OK. Look, I just wanted an audience. People used to walk past this place every day and laugh at the window. It made them happy. Then you people came along and took that away from me. You barely even pay attention to me! I guess I did get a little carried away, though.

Dr. Murka: I may be able to provide you with a new audience. If I do that, will you stop making dangerous things appear in the containers?

SCP-XXXX: You got a deal, Doc!

Close testing log.

Note: Further research revealed that a man by the name of * *** died of sudden cardiac arrest in the shop on XX/XX/XXXX, shortly before the anomaly first appeared. He was an insurance salesman and amature stand up comic who went by the stage name "Chucky Chuckles".