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Item #:
Object Class:
Special Containment Procedures: ██
Description:
Extras:
Nyarlathotep
hey cthulhu
hey man pick up ur phone
3:09 AM
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(include component:image-block name=)|caption=Panama-7 at time of recovery.
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███████
Interviewed: [The person, persons, or SCP being interviewed]
Interviewer: [Interviewer, can be blocked out using █]
Foreword: [Small passage describing the interview]
<Begin Log, [optional time info]>
Interviewer: [speech]
Person: [speech]
[Repeat as necessary]
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
ImpieTea and PieTea
- This could be something like two spirits of peyote tea that are summoned by boiling the cactus buds.
Drinking PieTea makes you more faithful and reliable(in the broad sense, not just religious) and the ImPieTea makes you more unfaithful and unreliable. The twin cactii that produce them, as well as the factory that processed them for resale have been found and contained.
Horizon's Project Malleus got involved with it, tried to pull the "Hellfire and Brimstone" routine on the Impietea supply after someone spiked a ton of their supplies with subtle traces of it, disabling and causing a ton of their membership to defect to other groups. Minor skirmish with the Foundation, eventually peace between the groups was restored.
The Clingy Emu
- An emu that hits all of your empathy/sadness buttons in your brain, whose effect is only counteracted by hugs. The more depressed it is, the worse (and more widespread) its effects become. Effectively could enter into a depression/sadness singularity that could cause widespread issues.
A One-mouse Wonderland
- The dormouse thinks it's all the characters from Alice in Wonderland. Doesn't talk, but it has a crapton of associated, non-anomalous props that it uses to pantomime out different scenes.
Chi Vampires
- Bored mystic astrally projects, fiddles around on the spiritual plane, and accidentally cracks a door into the afterlife, becoming a chi vampire.
PotionBucks
- THIS JUST IN! Stonehenge (and other sites like them) are really ancient potion-brewing stores in the vein of Starbucks, but with 60% more slavery and men with scraggly beards. MC&D and the Hand get in a Tug-of-War over the site, with the foundation caught in the middle just trying to keep everyone away from the ghost wizard dude.
| XXXXX/XXXXX/XXXXX | |
|---|---|
| Status | Individuals and Services Selling, Primary Source Not For Sale |
| Demand | High |
| Value | Sell Price: Humans: $50,000.00/£32,500.00 per individual, Price and condition negotiable DISCONTINUED; Exotic Animals: $30,000.00/£19,500.00, Price and Condition Negotiable; Secondary Members of Primary Source:$30,000.00/£19,500.00 Other Orders: Price Assessment Required on Order. Special Resurrections: Price Assessment Required on Order. Retraining and Repairs: Price Assessment Required on Order |
| Availability | Current Inventory: 130 adult humans, sale discontinued; Approx. 5000 assorted animals in stock; Estimated 2000 assorted specialty orders active worldwide. 1 Source Item, no chance of reproduction or sale |
| Identifier | Gorilla Lich and Assorted Undead Thralls { Horrible name need help with new one} |
| Description | Primary item is an undead Eastern Lowlands Gorilla capable of producing retrainable, thus-far immortal thralls of varying physical condition and mental capacity. The secondary items (that are for sale) are assorted resurrected |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |
| Initial Report | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Author | John Infantino | Date | |
| Interest | High | Identifier | Gorilla Lich |
| Tracking Information | |||
| XXXXX/XXXXX/XXXXX | |||
| Owner | Date | Comments | |
| Archibald Fenswick | April 07, 2005 | Initial Discovery. | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark LLP | April 17, 2005 | Fenswick approached with monetary offer, rejected; reposessed item after his being committed to an insane asylum (Incident Report 1) | |
| Prometheus Laboratories | June 19, 2005 | Item was provided to Prometheus Laboratories for analysis. | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark LLP | June 28, 2005 | Item returned from Prometheus Labs (External Document 1). | |
| Hendrick Szilard | November 19, 2005 | Item sold at auction. (Auction Record 1) | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark LLP | January 22, 2006 | Item reposessed from Hendrick Szilard post-mortem. (Incident Report 2) | |
| Louis Kincaid | March 07, 2006 | Item sold at auction. (Auction Record 2) | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark LLP | June 22, 2006 | Item reposessed from Louis Kincaid post-mortem. (Incident Report 3) | |
| Various | August 23, 2006 | Item rented. (Rental Record 1) | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark LLP | June 03, 2008 | Item removed from rental, being held in stores indefinitely. (Incident Report 4) | |
| Serpent's Hand | August 02, 2012 | Item found missing upon standard inventory checks; video recordings revealed Serpent's Hand operatives stealing the item. (Incident Report 4) | |
| Global Occult Coalition | March 07, 2014 | See External Document 2. | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Inventory Information | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| IWN45/N3OS8/4IGI5 | |||
| Owner | Quantity | Comments | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark LLP | 48640 (38 Crates) | Available from Supplier on demand. | |
| Global Occult Coalition | 27 | Currently kept in storage as samples. | |
| The Foundation | 582 | Stored as SCP-1079; low level security. | |
| The Chaos Insurgency | ~2000 | Items distributed amongst low-level personnel for use as assassination tools. | |
| Doctor Wondertainment | N/A | Supplier. | |
| Customers | ~5000 | Items commonly purchased for use as practical jokes. | |
| Others | ~1000 | 100 crates entered into circulation prior to establishing exclusivity of supply; few untracked items believed to exist. | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Rental Record XX | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| XXXXX/XXXXX/XXXXX | |||
| Name | Date | Period | Comments |
| Ibrahim Yates | April 03, 1992 | 8 Days | Used for topiary purposes. |
| Billy Bobberson | June 19, 1992 | 2 Days | Used for practical jokes. |
| Steph McGee | June 22, 1992 | 5 Days | Used in retaliation for practical jokes. |
| Obvious Pseudonym | July 24, 1992 | 74 Days | |
| Abraham Lincoln | April 03, 1993 | 1 Day | |
| Elephant Man | April 27, 1994 | 18 Days | Used item for facial reconstruction. |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Sale Records | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| IWN45/N3OS8/4IGI5 | |||
| Records From: | July, 2006 to June, 2007 | ||
| Month | Sold | Comments | |
| July, 2006 | 879 | ||
| August, 2006 | 387 | ||
| September, 2006 | 852 | ||
| October, 2006 | 10482 | Halloween spike. | |
| November, 2006 | 879 | ||
| December, 2006 | 5820 | Christmas spike. | |
| January, 2007 | 1298 | ||
| February, 2007 | 2034 | ||
| March, 2007 | 29381 | April Fools' spike. | |
| April, 2007 | 20482 | Tail from April Fools. | |
| May, 2007 | 5924 | Popularity drops mid-month. | |
| June, 2007 | 284 | Popularity dwindling; the joke's old until next year. | |
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
| Incident Report XX | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| XXXXX/XXXXX/XXXXX | |||
| Author | Full Name | Date | Month DD, YYYY |
| Memo XX | |||
| XXXXX/XXXXX/XXXXX | |||
| Sender | Amos Marshall | Recipient | Ruprecht Carter |
| A short memo from one person to another should be included here. Perhaps thoughts on the marketability of the item, negotiations with the supplier, or anything else that would be relevant enough to include in the file. As always, use underscores for line breaks. |
|||
| Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP | |||
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Special Containment Containment Procedures: perimeter fence, Satellite redirection, contain anything that tries to leave, do not break anything when testing/exploring. No unmanned drones/robotic exploration units.
Description:
Bigass abandoned factory. Super creepy, much larger on the inside than outside. Broken and abandoned prototype items everywhere. Variants of General Beep and Misters series found, alongside other previously uncatalogued items.
Exploration logs:
Davis grumbles at unprofessionalism of team, Aries and Alvares snark it up, Okamura freaks out over being back in his old boss's workshop, Grenich is a paranoid and Luna Lovegood-esque idiot. Nothing groundbreaking there.
Find Mr. Redd proof-of-concept, is man named Bill Redington, claims to be janitor. That goes about as well as expected, one of the group is injured and Grenich executes Redd. Huge ass argument ensues over that. Body is extracted, autopsy details later.
"Tuvan Folk Singer Cover of "It's a Small World After All" mentioned here. Confrontation with General Beep V2, more along the line of Liberty Prime but obsessed with fun. Redactions to hide the obvious use of magic by Alvares and Aries to stop it. Grenich ordered to extract any data from it possible.
Autopsy log of Mr. Redd, details ridiculous levels of hypertension and enhanced adrenal glands, reinforced skeletal system and skin.
Excerpts from user manual for Mr. Redd and General Beep V2.
Ending: Letter from wondertainment admonishing the team for having an unscheduled tour and inviting them back.
