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With XVNV
Item #: SCP-XXXX-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures:
Description: SCP-XXXX-J is a collective designation for documents uploaded to the Foundation's servers on January 1, 2022; this document you are reading right now is one of several. There is no evidence concerning who uploaded it, nor how it was able to be uploaded to SCiPnet in the first place. Attempts to remove these documents, or restore servers to a point before they were uploaded, have been met with universal failure.
The -J suffix stands for "Joke", intended to denote documents that are entirely unserious and falls solely within the realm of humor. None of the events in these documents should be assumed to be real, as they are constructed solely for the purpose of providing setup to the document's joke, and later, its punchline. While several real-world Foundation personnel, locations, anomalies contained by the Foundation, and events can be referenced throughout many of these documentation, there is little to no evidence that anything depicted in SCP-XXXX-J have actually happened or occurred to any individual listed in them. Additionally, several names, Site locations, and anomalies are determined to be made up, usually for the purpose of aiding in the documentation's joke.
The majority of readers who view SCP-XXXX-J will find the document amusing to varying levels of degree, dependent on their taste in comedy & approach to jokes.
As part of an initiative to soothe the worries of some of my more fretful colleagues, I have taken the initiative to examine some of the -J entries in the database. I hope this will calm some of the alarms raised.
SCP-TTKU-J:
SCP-TTKU-J is a matter-of-fact description of the titular anomaly, which is a thing that wishes to kill the reader. While one could be excused for believing at first that SCP-TTKU-J is an anomaly with some ability to affect its own documentation, there are tell-tale signs that SCP-TTKU-J is, in fact, a joke.
To begin, the containment procedures focus primarily on SCP-TTKU-J's desire to kill the reader, as opposed to practical means of containing SCP-TTKU-J. Furthermore, the description of SCP-TTKU-J
- Uses highly nonclinical tone, presumably as a contrast from genuine SCP files.
- States that murder is illegal and "generally looked down upon", presumably as the comedic device of understatement.
- Includes a list consisting entirely of the means by which SCP-TTKU-J wishes to use to kill the reader.
This use of comedy and repetition should make it obvious that SCP-TTKU-J is, in fact, a joke.
Thank you, Doctor, but nobody was worried about this. We were more worried about the UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OUR SYSTEMS.
I see the issue persists. I will continue.
SCP-145-J:
SCP-173-J:
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Surveillance of SCP-XXXX is to be performed from Outpost-51. A secure perimeter is to be established 50 meters from the building. Objects within the perimeter are to be removed if possible. Civilians approaching the perimeter are to be denied entry using the standard cover story of ongoing construction.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a two-story building in Aquinnah, Massachusetts. It is constructed from a mixture of conventional materials (e.g. lumber, rebar, concrete) and unconventional materials (e.g. foliage, plastic pharmaceutical bottles, tissue papers). Computer-aided analysis indicates that SCP-XXXX's structural integrity is equivalent to that of non-anomalous buildings of similar design.
SCP-XXXX will use objects brought within 15 meters of it as construction materials for its own expansion, beginning with additional rooms and connecting corridors before proceeding on to decorations and furnishings. This process occurs over the course of 24 hours. Some objects are not incorporated into SCP-XXXX in this manner, including sand, coal, and herbaceous vegetation. The criteria through which construction materials are selected or discarded is currently unknown.
The layout and decoration of SCP-XXXX resembles those of museums. Various items are displayed in makeshift showcases, with similar items located near each other. Two rough pictographs are inscribed near each item. It is unknown what they represent, as the pictographs rarely resemble the items. Items taken from SCP-XXXX are not replaced, and any displays of the item taken are only filled once a similar object is provided for SCP-XXXX to use. The pictographs will be crossed out and replaced with two new pictographs. These pictographs are rarely similar to the previous ones.
SCP-XXXX is built around a deprecated wooden shack, the only entrance into the rest of the building. The first floor contains five rooms with two connecting corridors and a staircase up to the second floor. The second floor appears to be incomplete, consisting of a single room. The room's decor resembles an office. The second floor has remained unchanged since its initial construction. Items brought near SCP-XXXX to incorporate into the room and possibly replace any makeshift furniture have been instead used for construction or presentation in other parts of the building.
If an area of SCP-XXXX is damaged in any way, it will attempt to rebuild itself in the same layout. If a significant portion of SCP-XXXX is destroyed, it will rebuild itself to an approximation of the layout prior to its destruction. The reconstruction of the second-floor room and staircase is prioritized over repairs to the rest of the building. Repairs often include additional constructions apparently intended to protect showcases from further damage. When repairing itself, SCP-XXXX will use objects up to 50 meters away.
Addendum XXXX-A: List of Exhibits
- First Floor, Southwesternmost Room:
- Empty except for a crystal ball covered by leaves. Pictographs: Oval Squiggle
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in a secure storage box in Item Locker #093 at Site-93. Further requests for testing must be submitted to Dr. Wick Abbenmyer. Under no circumstances is SCP-XXXX allowed to be tested in an outdoors environment.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a Polaroid photograph of two male individuals. The identity of these individuals is unknown. The back of the photograph contains writing in pen:
10 + [illegible]]
You won't miss me soon. I will miss you. [illegible]. [illegible]. It'll be a fading dream. With love.
Whenever an individual views SCP-XXXX inside a building, they will feel a mild sense of curiosity and longing. When questioned about why they feel this, subjects are unable to ascertain a specific reason. Affected subjects will proceed to wander the building they are located in until they have either traversed the entirety of the building, or are stopped by another individual in any manner. Upon either of these conditions, SCP-XXXX's anomalous ability ceases.
Whenever an individual views SCP-XXXX in an outdoors environment, [DATA EXPUNGED]. Further testing of SCP-XXXX in an outdoors environment is forbidden.
Addendum XXXX-B:
